You are the reason I believe in love
by miss-ute and annambates
Summary: Modern AU: 'When Anna Smith moves to London to start a new job, she has no idea how much her life will change...'
1. Anna

**Chapter I:**

''Gracie, hurry up!'' Anna shouted for the third time, running around the kitchen gathering her things. She was going to be late for her new job, she thought to herself. And the reason for her delay was sitting and moping upstairs in the bedroom.

''Honey?'' Anna called again. There was no answer. She left her purse and coat at the bottom of the stairs and made her way upstairs. Knocking on her daughter's bedroom door, she entered. Gracie, her 6 year old, half-dressed daughter was sitting on her Frozen-themed bed with her hands crossed and no intention of moving.

''Why aren't you dressed, honey?''

The little blonde girl looked up slowly and answered, ''I don't wanna go, Mummy.''

''Why ever not?''

''I'm scared.''

Anna knelt near her and put her hand on her daughter's little knees. ''Ohh, Gracie, we've talked about this. Look, I know that it's hard, moving to another city, to another school, making new friends. I'm scared, too.''

''You are?'' Gracie asked, not quite believing her mother's words.

''Of course! Mummy too must meet her new co-workers and get to know her new job. But she can't, because a little someone is still sitting on her bed, half-dressed and not wanting to go to school.'' She smiled at her.

''But what if they don't like me?'' Her tiny, sad voice finally expressed her worries.

''Why wouldn't they like you? What's there not to like? You're a smart, funny, cute young lady who knows all the lines from Frozen...''

''Even you can't do that!'' Gracie proudly interrupted.

''You're right.'' Anna giggled at her and she could see her daughter's mood changing. ''So, what do you think? Should we show those new kids what a Yorkshire girl can do?''

The girl happily nodded to her mum and started to remove her pyjamas. ''Can I wear the purple one?'' she asked, pointing to a box labelled ''Gracie's dresses'.'

''You can wear whatever you want, my dear. After all, it is your first day at your new school,'' Anna replied, walking toward the unpacked boxes in the corner of her daughter's new bedroom.

Anna May Smith was 21 years old when she found out she was pregnant, far too young for her parents' liking. She couldn't believe it - they had always used protection. When she told her boyfriend Paul about the pregnancy, he accused her of sleeping around with other men and claimed that the baby wasn't his. She left him and moved out of their flat that very same night. Her heart was broken. She had thought that Paul loved her...that they were going to be together forever. She became homeless and broken-hearted in the space of a day. But her friend Gwen saved her - she gave her a room in her flat and all the support she needed.

Anna went into labour on the 2nd of April in the middle of her morning classes, and the person who gladly offered to drive her to the hospital was none other than her university professor, Mr. Charlie Carson. She was scared, but he looked even more frightened than she did. Three hours later, at exactly 12:30 p.m., a little girl was born. Anna named her Gracie May Smith. She was the most beautiful baby in the entire world, the spitting image of her mother - big, ocean-blue eyes, her head covered in soft blonde hair. She was a tiny little thing, but Anna could not love her more. Even her parents came around when they saw their new granddaughter all cuddled in Anna's arms.

Anna quickly recovered and was able, with the help of her friends and parents, to successfully graduate. After completing her education and training, she finally became what she had always wanted - a lawyer. She started her first real job in Mr. Carson's firm. It was hard, being a young mum and trying to be the best at her job, but somehow she managed it. She soon became one of the best young lawyers in the entire firm. She became so sought after that a certain well-known retired lawyer, Violet Crawley, sent her a letter asking her to join their law firm – Crawley & Levinson. She knew the Crawleys - their oldest daughter Mary was a friend of Anna's. They had met in university and had clicked instantly. Now she and Gracie spent all the holidays with the Crawley family. Anna almost exploded when she received the letter. She wanted to accept the position so badly, but the job was in London and her life was in York. She didn't want to take Gracie away from her friends and her family. She thought and thought about it and after many long conversations with her parents and even Mr. Carson, she finally realized that she had to do this for herself, because she deserved it. The last week of August quickly arrived and Anna felt like a little kid going on the adventure of her lifetime. Their belongings were packed and sent to London and they quickly followed.

''Can we go get some ice cream after school?'' Gracie asked her mum while driving to her new school.

''No, honey, did you forget? Auntie Sybil is picking you up from school today. And you will spend the whole afternoon with the Crawleys,'' Anna responded.

''Can Auntie Sybil buy me some ice cream?'' the little girl replied excitedly. She really liked spending time with Sybil.

''She can, if you ask her politely. Here we go,'' Anna said and parked her car near the school entrance. ''Are you ready?'' She turned around and saw Gracie's worried face in the backseat.

''No,'' was all she answered.

''Oh, don't worry, honey. You will be all right, trust me. Do you trust Mummy?'' The young girl nodded. ''So let's go. Maybe they have ice cream inside.''

''Really?''

''Well, we have to go inside to find out, don't we?'' Anna winked at her and helped her get out of the car. She escorted Gracie to her new class, gave her some more encouraging words, and a big goodbye kiss. While talking to her new teacher, Anna could see Gracie talking to young classmate. She was going to be OK, Anna thought to herself and looked at her watch. SHIT! She was already running late. She quickly waved to her daughter and made her way to the car. She couldn't believe it - it was her first day and she was already late.

 **xXx**

''I know, I know I'm late!'' Anna exclaimed, walking into Mary's office. Mary Josephine Crawley was the oldest daughter of Robert and Cora Crawley. They were a respected English family and had run one of the most successful law firms in the country for decades. She was a few years older than Anna, a little harsh at times, not to mention stubborn. Over all, she had all the characteristics of a perfect lawyer.

''Gracie?'' Mary chuckled, standing up and gathering her things.

''Yeah, she refused to get dressed,'' Anna sadly replied, following Mary down the hall toward the conference room. ''I hope she'll be OK. She was so scared this morning.''

''Oh, she'll be all right. Just give her some time to adjust to the new environment,'' Mary said, trying to make her feel better.

''I hope you're right,'' replied Anna, almost bumping into Mary, unaware that she had stopped in front of the conference room door.

''Ready to meet your new team?''

''I was born ready!'' Anna tried to put on a brave face, but in truth she was worried. Working in York had been easy - it was a small firm, but very successful at the things they did. She had known everyone in the office; they had been like a little family. But now she was in London, working for one of the best law firms in the whole of Britain, maybe even in Europe. Of course she was scared. They expected the best of their employees, and anything less could cost you your job.

''Come on, then, let's go.'' Mary said and pushed open the door. Anna inhaled sharply and quickly followed her into the large room. All the seats around a large oval table were occupied by her new colleagues, their eyes on her, analysing and getting their first impression of her. She really hoped she looked all right, wearing a black business dress with white shirt underneath and black heels. She knew she wasn't wearing much makeup, but you never know what people might say or think.

''Ladies and gentlemen, before we start our weekly meeting, I would like to introduce to you our new addition to the Crawley & Levinson family, Miss Anna Smith,'' Mary cheerfully introduced her. A few hellos and welcomes could be heard, and some of them even smiled at her, but that was it. Anna felt a little self-conscious, but she didn't show it. She politely greeted them back and found a free seat next to a kindly looking man. And then the meeting began.

''So, what do you think?'' Mary asked Anna after the meeting was over.

''Well, they seem nice...I don't know. We'll see," she answered, smiling. ''So, what's my first big assignment?''

''Well, speaking of work…hey, Joe! Come here for a minute!'' Mary called, when she saw him walking down the corridor. Anna quickly recognised him - he had sat next to her during the meeting. ''Anna, this is Joe, your new supervisor. You will help him with his case. I must go now - I'm having yet another meeting with my darling papa. Have fun!'' And with that she was gone, leaving Anna and Joe standing in the middle of the room.

''Joseph Moseley,'' said the man and offered her his hand. He seems nice, Anna thought to herself.

''Hi, I'm Anna Smith. Nice to meet you," she replied and shook his hand.

''Shall we go to my office? You have some reading to do. I'll give you all the files and you have until Wednesday to become familiar with their contents, so you have whole 2 days,'' Joe informed her. ''We have a meeting with our client on Thursday morning, so don't be late. I'll expect you to know every little detail about the case. You are my right hand from now on. All right?''

"Sure,'' Anna smiled, not really knowing how the hell she was going to memorize everything in two days.

''So, you are from York, hmm?'' Joe asked her, handing her a stack of case files.

''Born and raised,'' she replied politely, taking the files.

'I can tell.''

''Yeah, you know what they say, 'You can take the girl out of Yorkshire…'"

''...but you can't take the Yorkshire out the girl,'' Joe interrupted her and smiled.

Was he flirting with her? Anna wondered. Not that he wasn't nice or anything - he was - but she hadn't come all the way to London to find love. She had come to prove herself and to try to give her little sunshine a better life.

''That's right. So, where I can start working on this?''

''Well, you can use the spare table here in my office, if you want, or you can use the common room down the hall. Whatever is better for you.'' He really hoped she would use his office.

''I think I'll use the common room, if you don't mind.'' Anna gave him a smile and she could see he was a little disappointed at her decision.

''I don't mind a bit. Good luck.''

''Thanks,'' she replied and started to make her way to the common room. It was big, really big - almost bigger than her whole apartment. It was furnished with a few couches and tables with chairs, and even had a small kitchen next to the door. She was glad that it was empty. She put the files on the red couch near the windows and gave herself a minute to gather her thoughts, looking out over the city. ''I can do this!'' she told herself, before sitting down on the couch and opening the first file.

 **xXx**

It was already 6 p.m. when she finished reading one of the many files. Her eyes were hurting from all the reading she had done, and she decided to take a little break. She took her phone from her purse and clicked on her friend's name.

''Hi, Sybil! How is everything?''

''Hi, Anna. She's an angel. How are you? Would you like to talk with her?''

''I'm fine. Yeah, put her on.''

''Mummy?'' a little voice asked.

''Hi, honey, how are you? How was school?''

''It was really fun, just like you promised. We played and talked. I even made some new friends, Ciara and Molly - they're very nice and they love Frozen just like me! And my teacher, Miss Froggatt, was really nice to me, too. But she made me sit next to a boy. I don't think he likes me, but it doesn't matter because I don't like him. He picked his nose during class and then he ate his bogey, Mum…'' The little girl chattered on about her first day and for a second Anna felt guilty, not being there to hear about everything in person.

''Well, well, it seems you had a very nice first day. Does that mean that I won't find you in your PJs tomorrow morning?''

''No, Mummy, you won't!'' Gracie giggled on the other end of the phone. ''And Mum?''

''What?''

''Auntie Sybil bought me a lot of ice cream, tons and tons…''

''OK, Gracie, that's enough for now. Run and play and give me the phone,'' Sybil interrupted her, afraid that the little one would tell too much to her mother.

''Bye, Mum.''

''I'll be home soon, honey,'' Anna said, but Gracie was too busy playing with Olaf to hear her.

''We didn't buy THAT much ice cream,'' Sybil quickly tried to reassure Anna.

''It's OK, Sybil. She deserved it, I'm sure.'' Anna giggled at her. ''I'll be home around 8. Give a hug to the little one for me. I have to go now...and thank you for babysitting her.''

''It's my pleasure. See you soon! Bye!''

Anna ended the call and was preparing to start reading another file when a familiar head popped through the door. ''You're still here?" Mary asked, looking at the files on the table. ''What do you think about your new friend?''

''You mean Joe? He wants me to know everything about the case in two days. That's a little bit mad, but other than that, he's sweet.''

''Sweet, hmm?''

''Mary, stop it!'' Anna laughed. ''All I'm saying is that he's nice and I'm glad you put me under his supervision. I think we'll work really well together.''

''I'm glad.'' Mary smiled at her. ''I hope you don't mind working with him. I know you are very good at what you do, but Papa always makes new people work with a mentor. It makes him more comfortable to know that someone is looking after the probies when they start working here.''

''Don't worry, it's good for me, too. I can learn how things work around this place and not be so afraid to mess anything up. So thank Robert for me when you see him.''

''Are you finished?''

''Not even close, I'm afraid.''

''Yes, you are!''

''What? Come on, Mary! I have an hour and a half before I go home,'' protested Anna, when she saw Mary putting the files back in the box.

''You've worked enough for today. Come on!''

''Where are we going?''

''To the pub. You have to meet some people from the office. Come on - put your shoes on and let's go.''

 **xXx**

The pub was crowded when they arrived. Someone from the firm was celebrating his 30th birthday. Everybody had been invited - even the cleaning ladies had been included.

''Oh, Mary - you should have told me it was someone's birthday! I didn't bring anything,'' Anna fretted, concerned about coming uninvited and empty handed.

''Don't worry - we can share my present. Come and meet the birthday boy.'' Mary pulled her by the arm and led her though the crowd to the bar. The birthday boy was already in a happy mood; his best friend Tom had made sure of that.

''Matthew, Happy Birthday!'' Mary called, and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. ''Here is your present. It's from Anna and me.''

''Hi, Anna. Mary has told me so much about you!'' Matthew shouted over the noise of the crowd.

''Hi, Matthew...and Happy Birthday,'' Anna said loudly, trying to be heard over the music. ''Sorry for barging in without an invitation.''

''What are you talking about? Everyone is invited! Come on, have something to drink and have a good time…'' He couldn't finish his sentence; Tom was already shoving a big bottle of vodka toward him.

''He's cute, isn't he?'' Mary asked, offering Anna a glass of Scotch and Coke.

''He's nice,'' Anna replied, taking the glass.

''Nice?! Only nice!?'' Mary was shocked. ''Oh, Anna, how long has it been, hmm? You need a man, young lady!''

''I'm perfectly all right. Really I am!'' Anna asserted, when she saw the face Mary was making. ''I don't need distractions right now!''

''OK, OK. As you wish. Look, I'm going to the toilet. Will you be all right?''

''Mary, I'm 28 years old. I think I can find myself some company.'' Anna chuckled at Mary.

''OK, I'll be back really soon.'' She wasn't. She ended up bumping into Matthew in front of the toilets and spending the whole night in his company, Anna soon forgotten.

''Anna!'' someone called from behind her. Anna turned and she could see a young girl walking toward her. It was Daisy, Joe's secretary. They had talked a little at the office. ''Are you here alone? Come join us!'' She waved and pointed to the table.

''Girls, this is Anna. She's new. She is working with Mr. Moseley on his new case. Anna, let me introduce you to Ethel and Jane. Ethel works for Mrs. O'Brien and Jane works for Mr. Crawley.''

They said their hellos and started to talk. Daisy was really nice. She was very young, but very capable at her work. Anna also learned that both Ethel and Jane had young children at home, just like her, and were single.

''How old are your boys?''

''My Freddie is 8, and Ethel's Charlie is 9. Yours?''

''She's 6. She was so scared this morning! You know - new school, new faces.''

''Don't worry, my Freddie was the same when we moved. In a week, he'd forgotten everything about his old life,'' Jane reassured her.

''Yeah, we'll see," Anna replied. "Hey, can I ask you something?" Jane nodded. ''Who is babysitting for you? My friend is watching Gracie right now, but she'll be starting school soon, so I don't know what to do. Do you know of a good babysitting agency?''

''Yeah, I do. I can give you their number, if you want. They are really good - trust me.''

''That would be nice. Thank you, Jane.''

''No problem. Here's their card - you can call them any time you want. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go home to my boy.'' Jane smiled and stood up.

''I'm going, too. I need to see Gracie before she goes to bed. Thank you for everything, Jane. Daisy, Ethel - nice to talk to you, but I have to run. See you at work!''

''Bye, Anna!'' the girls called back.

 **xXx**

''Did I miss her?'' Anna asked, stepping into her flat.

''No, she's still up. She wouldn't go to sleep until she saw you.''

''Sybil, thank you! You can't imagine how glad I am to have you watching her.''

''It's all right. I like spending time with her,'' Sybil replied. ''But you do know I start school in a week, don't you?''

''Yes, yes, I know. I'm calling an agency tomorrow - don't worry. How much do I owe you?''

''Oh, Anna, forget about it, OK?'' Sybil started to protest.

''No, no, let me pay you.'' Anna opened her purse to get some money.

''Really, it's OK!'' Sybil grabbed Anna's hand. ''Save the money and buy something nice for the little one.''

''OK, but really - thank you for doing this for me.''

''Not a problem. I need to go now. Tom's best mate is having a party at the pub and I want to see him before he passes out.''

''Well, I think you're a little too late for that.'' Anna giggled, explaining, ''Mary insisted I stop by the pub, and when I left Tom was already sleeping on one of the tables.''

''Yes, well, that's my Tom, all right! Bye, Anna!'' Sybil gave her a quick hug and was gone.

Anna slowly made her way toward Gracie's bedroom. The light was still on but, as she opened the door, she could see her little girl sound asleep. She stepped in and tucked her blanket around her. Gracie stirred a little but did not wake. The day must have tired her out, Anna thought to herself. She left a nightlight on and closed the door behind her. She felt a little bit guilty for not being there for her girl on her first day of school, but she knew that Gracie understood that Mummy had to work.

Anna suddenly felt exhausted. She took a quick shower, set the alarm clock to 7 a.m., and collapsed onto her soft mattress, which was still on the floor, as she hadn't had time to put the bed together yet. She fell asleep the second her head touched the pillow.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: annambates :)** THANK YOU**

 **What do you think? Good, bad? :D**


	2. John

**Chapter II.**

The week had been long and hard. Anna had managed to read all the files and to make some notes, and the meeting with their client had gone very well. Joe had even let Anna lead the meeting. He had wanted to see what she could do and, in the end, he'd had to admit to himself and to Robert that old Violet had made a very good decision asking Anna to join them. She was confident, smart, quick, and resourceful, and she believed in what she was doing. Anna felt proud of herself, her work, and the praise she received from her bosses, but she couldn't forgive herself for only spending a few hours that week with Gracie. The girl missed her, no matter how Sybil tried to distract her, and Anna missed Gracie, too. To make matters worse, Gracie got sick on Thursday, all the pressure and excitement finally catching up with her. The poor thing threw up at school and was running a fever. Anna felt miserable - she felt she should be home taking care of her child, but she was unable to. She thanked God for Sybil. She trusted her completely; after all, she was studying to become a nurse. She knew that her schedule would ease up when the case with Joe ended, but it still hurt.

It was Friday afternoon and she was finally able to leave the office earlier, so she had scheduled a meeting at the babysitting agency.

''Miss Smith?'' the woman in the reception area called.

''Yes.'' Anna stood up and walked toward the office.

''Come in, please. So, you're looking for a babysitter?''

''Yes, ma'am.'' What kind of silly question was that, she thought to herself. She was, after all, at a babysitting agency.

"What can you tell me about your little ones?''

''Well, I have just one. Her name is Gracie and she is 6 years old. We recently moved to London because of my new job. I would like to hire someone very capable to look after her when I'm at the office. Sometimes I work long hours, so I hope you can find me someone who wouldn't mind staying with her longer at times,'' Anna explained.

''OK, Miss Smith, please fill out this questionnaire. Write down everything you would like to see in your nanny, and we will make sure to take everything into account. When would you like her to start?'' the woman asked.

''Well, my current nanny is leaving for college today and Gracie is sick, so I will need someone on Monday morning. I leave for work at 8. Is that possible?''

''Of course, Miss Smith. We will send someone to your home.''

''Thank you very much,'' Anna replied, and started completing the paperwork.

 **xXx**

''I'm home!'' Anna called out, and she could hear the sound of a pair of little footsteps running down the stairs.

''Mummy!'' Gracie yelled, jumping into her mother's open arms.

''Hello, little one! How are you? Feeling any better?'' Anna asked. She kissed her forehead, and could feel it burning. ''Where is Auntie Sybil?''

''She's in the kitchen, making me some tea. I don't like tea. Must I drink it?''

''Yes, you must.'' Gracie made a face. ''Well, you want to go back to school, don't you?''

''Yes,'' the girl said, hugging her mum around the neck, as Anna started to move toward the kitchen.

''Hi, Anna,'' said Sybil, pouring tea into mugs. She updated Anna on Gracie's condition and then said her goodbyes, as she still had some packing to do. That left Anna and Gracie all alone, at last.

''Come on, off to bed!''

''Will you tell me a story before bed?'' the girl asked, looking at her mother. She was such a brave kid, always positive and ready for adventure. If Anna hadn't known that Gracie had a temperature, she never would have realized that she was ill.

''Of course I will tell you a story! Which one would you like to hear?'' Anna replied, smiling. Gracie really was her little sunshine. Anna picked her up and carried her piggyback to her room, tucked her into bed, and sat down next to her. ''So, which one is it going to be?'' Anna asked, looking at her. Gracie's face told her everything - she knew exactly which story she wanted to hear. ''Again?''

''Yes!'' Gracie practically squeaked and held her fluffy snowman, Olaf, closer.

''OK, then.'' She got herself comfortable and started, ''Once upon a time there lived a princess named Anna. She had the most beautiful daughter named Gracie….''

Gracie fell asleep before Anna finished the story. Anna kissed her cheek gently and then watched her for a minute from the doorway. She never regretted keeping her. The only thing she was sorry about was Paul. He never once called after she had told him she was pregnant. He was missing the best years of his daughter's life - he hadn't seen her birth, her first smile, or her first teeth, and he hadn't seen her taking her first steps. But he had made his decision and was going to have to live with it. Anna quietly closed the door and, exhausted, went to bed.

 **xXx**

''Mummy! Mummy!'' Gracie jumped onto her mother's mattress. Anna slowly opened her eyes, and it took her a second to realize what was happening. ''Gracie, dear, stop jumping. Come here!'' She grabbed the little girl and started to tickle her. ''No, Mummy! Stop it - that tickles!'' Gracie giggled while trying to escape her mother's hug. Anna stopped, but she didn't let go of her. She pulled her under the covers and they spent the morning cuddling and talking on the mattress, which was still on the floor.

They spent whole day together - talking, playing, and watching Frozen for the 102nd time. Gracie still had a temperature, but she was feeling better...until she threw up again around 5 p.m. She had gotten sick all over her pyjamas and was starting to cry, when Anna took her into the bathroom for a nice, warm bath. She made her some soup and helped her to eat. After that, the poor little soul couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. Anna washed the dishes and was planning to put Gracie to bed, but she found her already sound asleep on the couch and didn't have the heart to move her.

Sunday was better. Gracie didn't throw up at all and her temperature had gone down. She was a little sad when her mother informed her that she was not going to school the following morning, but she was very excited when she found out she was getting a new nanny.

''What's her name? How old is she? Do you think she likes Frozen?'' she bombarded Anna with questions.

''I don't know, honey, but I'm sure she is really nice,'' Anna replied. ''We will have to wait and see.''

Gracie was so excited about her nanny that she woke up the next morning before her mother. She sat on the bottom step of the staircase, staring at the door, waiting for someone to knock. ''She's late.''

Anna chuckled. ''No, honey, she isn't. She still has 25 minutes. Come on and have some breakfast.''

Gracie tried to sit still in her chair, but she couldn't. She really wanted to meet her nanny. She moped at the table until Anna finally let her take her cereal bowl to the hall. Once again she sat on the bottom step, eating her breakfast and staring at the door. She stared and stared, and then finally she heard it - a knock. She put her empty bowl on the floor, opened the door slowly, and peeked out. She was surprised to see a man standing in front of her. He was tall, and was dressed in jeans, a simple blue shirt hanging open over a white t-shirt, and a black jacket.

''Who are you?'' Gracie asked, looking up at him curiously.

The man knelt down to look her in the eye, smiled, and asked, ''Are you Gracie?''

Gracie was speechless. How did he know her name? Finally she nodded.

''Well, it's nice to meet you, Gracie. I'm John Bates, your new nanny.''

* * *

 **Who is the best beta in this world?...annambates! :D thank you**

 **You are the best :D thank you for all the F &F&R and all the private messages! :D **

**So, John is Gracie's new nanny hmmm...but is Gracie going to like him? How about Anna?...we'll see... ;) ;)**


	3. Kolački

**Chapter III.**

''But...but you're a boy. Boys can't be nannies!?'' Gracie said, still confused.

''Well, special girls get special nannies,'' chuckled John, standing up.

She was still staring at him, not quite believing that he was her new nanny. ''Do you eat your bogeys?'' she finally asked.

''What?'' John couldn't help but laugh.

''Well, boys like to pick their noses and eat their bogeys, or at least my classmate does. I don't like him very much,'' Gracie replied very seriously.

''That's not very nice of him, is it.''

''No, it isn't. My mum always says that I should use my hanky when my nose itches,'' she proudly informed him.

''Well, your mum is a smart woman. Speaking of your mum, where is she?'' John asked, poking his head into the flat.

''She's upstairs, getting ready for work. Mummy!'' she yelled.

John could hear movement above and, after a few seconds, he could see a pair of fine legs making their way down the stairs. And for a moment he stopped breathing - she was petite, blonde, and absolutely stunning.

''I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not buying anything from you,'' Anna said, a little anger in her voice.

''Sorry?'' John asked, not quite understanding what she meant.

''Look, your colleague was already here last week. I'm sure that whatever you are selling is absolutely perfect and 100% unbreakable, but I don't have the time or the money, so I will politely asked you to leave my house, all right?!'' She was a little bit frustrated. Last Thursday she had been woken, before her alarm went off, by some very loud knocking at the door. And when she finally opened it, half asleep, it was a salesman offering her a new set of forks. She had never been a morning person, but the fact that he'd had the nerve to wake her up early and for no reason at all really set her off. ''Bye!''

Before John could say anything, she shut the door in his face.

''Gracie, what did I tell you about talking to strangers?'' Anna asked, turning to her daughter. ''Why did you even open the door?''

''But Mummy…'' Before Gracie could finish her sentence, there was more knocking on the door.

''OK, she is here. Behave, now, and we will talk more about not to speaking to strangers when I get home.'' Anna opened the door. ''You again?! I already told you, I don't need anything, OK?!'' This man was really starting to get on her nerves. ''Can't you just move on to the next flat? I'm waiting for my new nanny and I really don't have time to look at whatever you're selling.'' Once again, she closed the door in his face.

''What is with these people?'' Anna asked herself while putting her heels on. Gracie slowly tugged her skirt. ''Mummy?!''

''What is it, sweetheart?''

''His name is John.''

''Whose name is John?'' Anna looked at her confused, not understanding what she was saying.

''The man at the door. His name is John and he is my new nanny,'' the girl proudly explained.

''Ohh, my god!'' She quickly turned and opened the door, hoping he was still there, and he was. He was leaning against the doorframe, chuckling.

''I'm so, so sorry...'' Anna started to apologize. ''Please come in.''

John finally stepped into the hall, still smiling.

''I'm really, really sorry! I was expecting a…''

''Woman? Yes, they all do,'' John finished her sentence.

Anna was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't look him in the eye.

''Don't worry, I've had worse. One time a lady literally hit me over and over with her morning newspaper! She thought I was there to kidnap her little ones,'' he recalled with a smile.

''Really?'' She finally looked at him, trying to get a first impression of him. ''Did you?''

''No, I didn't. I absolutely love kids. I mean...I love them like a normal human should love them. Not in a creepy kind of way,'' he quickly explained, concerned that his words had come out wrong.

Anna laughed, and he quickly followed. Their eyes locked for a brief second and she could see he had very beautiful green eyes...or were they brown?

''So, this is Gracie,'' she finally said, pointing at Gracie who was still clutching her mum's skirt.

''Yeah, we met already, didn't we, Gracie?'' John smiled at her.

The little girl only nodded and turned to her mum. ''I like him! He doesn't eat his bogeys,'' was the only thing she said, before running upstairs.

''What?!'' Anna laughed and looked at John.

''We had a little talk while we were waiting for you. So let me introduce myself. My name is John...John Bates...and I'm your new nanny.'' He pulled his hand out of his pocket and offered it to her.

''Nice to meet you. I'm Anna Smith.'' She took his hand and was pleasantly surprised at how gentle and warm it was. ''So, what now? I mean, I'm new at this. I've never had to hire anyone to look after her...''

''Well, I've read your dos and don'ts in your application, so I know what is it I can and can't let her do. I will babysit her for the whole week and after that you can decide if you want me or someone else,'' he explained to her. ''Here is my CV and my card with my number on it. You can call me at any time during the day...check on me and the little one.''

She would never have chosen a male as her daughter's nanny; the whole Paul experience had made her think twice when it came to trusting men. But, for some reason, his warm, steady voice made her feel that she could trust him.

''Are you all right?'' he asked, when he saw her worried face.

''Yes, yes. I mean, don't get me wrong - if the agency sent you, you must be good. But it's still hard for me to leave her with a stranger.''

''Don't worry - we'll be OK. And as I said, if you get worried, just call me,'' he reassured her. He really wanted her to understand that Gracie was safe with him and that she didn't need to worry.

''Thank you.''

''No worries. My boss did mention something about her being sick?''

''Yeah, well, she threw up a few times over the weekend, but she doesn't have temperature any more. So if today goes well, she is going back to school tomorrow,'' Anna explained, walking toward the kitchen to gather her things. John slowly followed her, listening to her and checking out the place.

''What time do you finish working?'' John finally asked.

''I should be back around 5 p.m. but sometimes I'm a little late. You see, I'm new in the office and I'm working on a case with my boss, so…''

''Miss Smith, don't worry. Just go and do your job. I will stay here until you get back,'' he reassured her again. He could see it in her eyes that she had doubts about the whole situation, and he really tried to make her feel comfortable with the idea of leaving her only child alone with a stranger.

''Well, thank you again.'' She looked at him. He really was something - tall, dark, long legs, broad shoulders, nice body. He was wearing a v-neck shirt and she found herself staring at the bit of chest hair visible above the neckline. Get yourself together, woman, she said to herself when she saw him looking at her with a grin on his face.

''I really need to go. I'm already late,'' she finally said, and started to pull on her coat. He was by her side in a second. ''May I?'' he asked and, when she shyly nodded, he helped her into her coat.

''Thank you,'' she smiled at him.

''So, where did the little one go?'' John asked and looked around.

"Speak of the devil…'' Anna said, when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

Gracie stepped into the kitchen a few moments later with a little snowman under her arm.

''Oh, you have Olaf! I like him - he's funny,'' John said, when he saw the toy.

Gracie's blue eyes were staring at him and he could see her mouth slowly turn up. ''You know who Olaf is?'' Her eyes were glowing.

''I do! Do you like Frozen?'' John smiled, already knowing her answer.

''I love Frozen!'' she almost squeaked and started to jump up and down. ''Can we watch it? Can we, Mum?''

''Did you make your bed?'' Anna asked suspiciously.

''I did, I did! Can we? Please, Mum, please!?''

''Fine, but just once, OK?'' Gracie didn't hear the rest. She was already running into the living room to turn on the DVD player.

''You do know what you started, don't you?'' Anna giggled at John.

''I'm afraid I do. Don't worry - we'll be OK. Don't hesitate to call me any time, all right?''

''OK, thank you. Bye, Gracie...and do listen to Mr. Bates!'' Anna called, but the little one didn't respond. She was already humming along with the opening theme.

''Bye,'' said Anna, with a lump in her throat.

''Bye, have a nice work day,'' said John. He was closing the door after her when he heard, ''Come on, John! It already started!'' He took his jacket off and started to walk toward the living room. This one is going to be a lot of fun, he thought to himself.

 **xXx**

''She is a he?'' Daisy giggled.

''Yes, she is a he,'' Anna confirmed.

It was lunchtime and Daisy, Ethel, Jane, and Anna were sitting in the cafeteria, talking about Anna's new nanny.

''I closed the door on him twice! I was so ashamed when Gracie told me who he was,'' Anna added.

'What does he look like?'' Jane asked.

''Well, I don't know…he's tall, dark, has a nice smile... I only spent 5 minutes with him, but he seemed nice. Plus Gracie liked him and she has a good instinct for people, so that is a good sign.''

''He's gay.'' The girls' eyes turned to Ethel, who added, ''What? He is!''

''And why do you think that?''

''Do I really need to explain it? It's obvious! What kind of a real man earns his living by watching other people's children? For heaven's sake, he is a nanny! And I'm sorry for saying it but, with all the creeps walking on this earth, I wouldn't be surprised to find out he has a soft spot for little children.''

''So, you are telling me I left my only child at home with gay paedophile?''

''Yeah, something like that,'' said Ethel, sipping her tea.

''Oh, come on! I don't know about him being gay, but he's 100% not a paedophile!'' Jane eyed Ethel. ''I know the owner of the babysitting agency, and they check their employees better than the FBI and Scotland Yard put together. Anna, don't worry - she'll be OK.''

''I hope so. I checked on them an hour ago. She said they were doing some colouring. And she did sound happy.''

''You see, she is OK. And you can talk with him when you get home,'' Jane quickly added.

''If he is gay, can I see him?'' Daisy asked, after some silence.

'Sorry?'' Anna looked at her, not quite getting what was she talking about.

''I mean, I don't know any gays. I just want to see how they look,'' Daisy explained innocently.

The girls stared at her for a moment and then burst into giggles. ''Daisy, I don't think he's gay, but I have to tell you that gay people don't look any different than straight ones,'' Anna pointed out.

''Anna is right. I mean, look at Thomas! The only reason Ethel didn't sleep with him is because he's gay.'' Jane nodded toward a handsome waiter behind the counter.

''She's right. I flirted with him for two weeks before I finally got it. What a complete waste of my time,'' Ethel huffed.

''Thomas is gay?!'' Daisy almost shrieked.

''You didn't know?''

''No, I didn't. Oh, my god...I've been flirting with him for months! And none of you could've told me he's gay!?'' Daisy swatted at Anna with her spoon.

''Heey! I'm new, I didn't know.'' Anna smiled, trying to avoid Daisy's spoon.

''Oh, my god...the things I said to him! I need to go. I can't be in the same room with him,'' Daisy wailed, embarrassed. She quickly stood up and ran out of the cafeteria.

The three remaining girls burst into laughter.

''The poor thing,'' Jane whispered, still laughing.

''She might as well get used to it. Love is a bitch - I learned that the hard way with Charlie's father. Well, I must go, too. I have some typing to do,'' Ethel said and walked away, leaving Jane and Anna sitting at the table.

"Speaking of love, how is Joe?''

''What? What are you talking about?'' Anna looked at Jane with her mouth open.

''So you're saying you didn't notice, hmm?'' Jane chuckled, reaching for her mug.

''Notice what?''

''Oh, come on, he is into you.''

''He is?!''

''Anna, he stares at you, follows you around like a sick little puppy, buys you coffee...I wouldn't be surprised to find out he is delaying your case, just to spend more time with you...''

''Come on, Jane. He is nice and all, but I don't think I have enough energy or time for a man.'' Anna groaned. ''Oh, my god, we need to close this case really soon! I don't want him to get any ideas.''

''I think he's already got them,'' Jane said and nodded behind Anna. She turned around and could see Joe walking toward their table. ''Jane, don't you dare leave…'' Anna warned, turning back to her, but Jane was already gone.

''Hi, Anna,'' Joe happily greeted her.

''Hi,'' Anna replied nervously.

''May I?'' he asked, pointing to the chair.

''Sure. What's up?''

''I just got off the phone with Mr. Johnson, you know, our client's wife's lawyer. We got ourselves a deal. She will sign the papers tomorrow morning. You won!''

''You mean, we won?''

''Well, it was really you who found out she was having an affair while they were still living together, so this one is on you. And I will make sure that the bosses know that.''

Oh, my god, he was really flirting with her. "Say something Anna, say something,'' Anna thought to herself. "Thank you,'' was the only thing she could think of. After a few seconds of silence, which Joe used to stare at her with a huge smile, she added, ''Well, if we are finished with the case, I think I'll go and clear my table in your office.''

''No hurry,'' Joe smiled and, as Anna stood up, he added, '' Hey, Anna, how about a drink this evening…you know, to celebrate your first success?''

''Oh, Joe, I can't. I mean, I would love to, but I got a new nanny today and I really need to go straight home.''

''Can't you call her and tell her you'll be late?'' he tried his luck. She was about to say no again, but he looked so happy that she really didn't have the heart to say no. She could surely take 15 minutes for a quick drink with her colleague. ''OK, but I can only stay for one quick drink.''

''One is enough.'' He smiled at her, thinking to himself that he was one lucky guy.

 **xXx**

It was 5.30 p.m. when she finally got home. ''Hello!'' Anna called, stepping into her flat. The drink with Joe had taken a little longer she had planned. He was charming, funny, a little clumsy at times, but overall very nice.

No one answered. She put her bag near the door and called again, but still nothing. Her mama bear instinct kicked in immediately. She had just started to climb the stairs when she heard it - laughter. Gracie's laughter was coming from the kitchen. Anna relaxed. Gracie was laughing, so everything was all right. She slowly opened kitchen door and the image in front of her almost melted her heart. Gracie was standing on the kitchen stool with a wooden spoon in her hand, her face all covered in flour.

''Are they ready yet?'' she asked, waving around the spoon.

''Not yet,'' John said, checking the cupcakes through the oven window for the fifth time. ''Hey, hey - stop it.'' He laughed and took the spoon out of her hand. ''Come on, we have to clean up this mess before your mum comes home. And after that we need to clean you up, too,'' he said, pinching her little nose and helping her get down off of the big chair. Gracie only giggled and added, ''Look, Olaf needs a bath, too!'' The little fluffy toy was just like her - covered in white powder.

''I can see that. So, should we make some frosting?''

''YEEES! Can I make it? Can I?'' She was excited; she had never baked before.

''Sure you can. But before we make it, go upstairs and clean your face first. I'll wait for you,'' John said, and started to clean the table.

Gracie was starting to make her way to the door when suddenly it opened wide.

''Mummy, you're home!'' she squealed, practically flying into her mother's open arms.

''I am, little one.'' She hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. ''Feeling better, I see. Let me look at you.'' She let go of her and examined her face. ''Well, well...I see you were busy!''

''We made cupcakes, a lot of them!'' Gracie exclaimed. ''I helped! Right, John?''

John finally spoke up, ''Yes, you did. She was a real help,'' and pointed to the mess they had made.

''I'm sure she was.'' Anna smiled at him. ''So go and clean yourself up, honey.''

''All right...'' Before she could finish the sentence, she was gone, running upstairs.

Anna just smiled and stood up. She finally could see John properly. He had taken off his second shirt at some point in the day, and his t-shirt was covered in flour. No doubt that was Gracie's doing, Anna thought to herself...and he really filled that t-shirt well. John moved around, putting some dishes into the sink, and before she knew it her eyes were checking out his behind. She had to admit to herself that his tight jeans did a really good job of revealing it in the best possible way.

''How was your day?'' he surprised her, turning around.

''It was good,'' she quickly said, blushing. ''I won my first case.''

''Congratulations!'' John replied, wiping his wet hands on a towel. ''Sorry about the mess - I'll finish cleaning up after we frost them.''

''Oh, don't worry. I can do it.''

''No, no, you just sit and relax.'' John smiled.

Anna sat down and asked, ''And how was your day?''

''Very, very good. She's a great kid. We watched Frozen and made some lunch. Played a little bit, did some colouring. We reviewed the stuff they learned in school last week. She took a little nap. I checked her temperature and she didn't have one, so it is a school day tomorrow. Over all, we just spent a really nice day together. You should be proud - she really is the nicest kid I've ever babysat.'' He took the cupcakes out of the oven.

''I am. She is my world,'' she said proudly, and stared at him a little bit longer than was necessary. But he didn't seem to mind one bit. He was looking back at her with the same sparkle in his eyes as was in hers.

''Would you like some hot chocolate?'' He finally broke the spell.

''Um, sure.''

''Here you go.'' He handed her a mug.

''Thank you." She looked up from her mug. "I called the babysitting agency earlier.''

He slowly leaned on the counter in front of her. ''Oh, really? And what did you find out? Am I safe enough?'' he joked.

The sudden proximity of his body made Anna flinch a little. He was grinning at her and she could see one or two cute crinkles appear around his hazel eyes. For some reason, he made her feel warm and all fluffy in her belly. ''Umm, yes, you are. They said that you are actually one of their best nannies," she replied, and ran her hands through her hair.

''Oh, really…'' he began, when Gracie walked into the kitchen, carrying Olaf under her arm and asking, ''Can we make frosting now?''

''Did you wash up, young lady?'' Anna asked and lifted her into her lap.

''I did, look!'' Gracie proudly displayed her clean face. ''And I cleaned Olaf, too.''

''I can see that.'' The toy was still wet, too wet. ''But we need to dry him first. Come, I'll put him into the drier so that he will be dry before you go to bed.'' Anna stood up and took Olaf to the laundry room. When she returned, they were already decorating the cupcakes with frosting.

''Can I help?''

''No, we're already done,'' John announced.

''Try it, Mummy!'' Gracie said and offered her one. ''Is it good?''

They were chocolate cupcakes with a little surprise filling in the middle, which Anna quickly discovered when she bit into one. ''Oh, my god, they are delicious.''

''Yaaay!'' Gracie practically jumped into the air; she was so glad that Anna liked them. Then she took one for herself and asked, ''Can I eat it by the telly?''

''Yes, but take a plate! I don't want any crumbs on the rug.''

With the plate in her hands, she disappeared into the living room, leaving John and Anna alone once again. She watched him as he quietly cleaned the counter.

''You've got some Nutella right there,'' John said after a few minutes, pointing to Anna's nose.

''Where?'' Oh, my god, how much time had passed before he pointed it out to her, Anna thought to herself.

''Here.'' He pointed closer to her face. ''No, not there. Here.'' She tried to wipe it off, but every time she did, she just smeared it more. After a while he couldn't keep himself from laughing. ''Stop - you're making it worse,'' he chuckled, when the filling was all over her nose. ''Come here.'' Anna stopped wiping her nose and leaned closer to him. She thought he would use a towel, but he gently brushed her nose with his thumb.

''Here we go,'' he said, wiping his thumb onto a towel.

''Thank you,'' Anna quietly replied after a pause. She was still a little bit surprised by his actions.

''So, what time should I pick her up from school?''

''Ummm…'' he reached for his second shirt and started to put it back on. His arm movements made his biceps contract in the most pleasant way, making Anna forget his question.

''Miss Smith?'' John smiled and repeated the question.

''Umm, yeah, right.'' She managed to snap out of it. ''Around 1 p.m. And I'll be home around 4 or 5 p.m. I'm so sorry about today. I promise I'll be on time tomorrow.''

''OK, no worries. I should thank the young lady for a perfect day before I go.''

''Gracie! Come and say goodbye to Mr. Bates.''

The little girl was back in the kitchen in an instant. She hugged John around his leg. ''Do you really have to go?''

''Yes, but I'll be back tomorrow,'' he reassured her, kneeling and hugging her back.

''Really?''

''Really. I'll pick you up after school.''

''And we'll watch Frozen?''

''Now, now, young lady. You have to do your homework first. And then maybe we'll watch, but only maybe,'' John spoke before Anna.

''OK,'' she responded with a sad voice.

''Come on.'' Anna picked her up in her arms and followed John into the hall. He opened the door and turned around. ''Well, it was a pleasure. See you tomorrow.''

''Yes!'' Gracie practically shouted, which made Anna and John laugh.

''Bye, Miss Smith.'' John gazed at Anna.

''Bye, Mr. Bates,'' she smiled.

When John closed the front door of Anna's flat, he took a moment to gather his thoughts. From the moment he had seen her coming down the stairs this morning, he had felt his heart skip a beat. She was absolutely breathtaking. And when she had closed the door on him not just once, but twice, he had been afraid for a second that she wouldn't want him. But luck had been on his side.

 **xXx**

John Bates was 15 when he decided that was going to work with kids. He was an only child whose dad hadn't been around much, so the decision to make other children happy had basically become his personal mission. At the beginning of his career, he worked as a school counselor. He was really good; children loved him, because he had a special way of speaking to them. He made them feel safe enough to open up to him without any fear of being judged. He didn't know why it made him feel better, but the truth was simple: the good work he did was his way of filling the hole his father had created when he had walked out on 12 year old John and his mother.

Professionally speaking, John's life was perfect, but his personal life was a big mess. He had married very young; she had been 21 and he had been 22. He had thought she loved him, but had soon discovered that love was far from the truth. He often described his relationship with Vera as a passion that went very, very bad. The sex had been good, he had to admit that, but it hadn't been enough to save their marriage. One day he came back from work to find that the only thing she had left him was a note, telling him that she had left for another man and that the divorce papers would come by post in a week. That was 3 years ago and the papers still hadn't arrived. But he didn't really care; the important thing for John was that she had left him.

He hadn't been earning a big salary so, with no Vera to help him to pay the bills, he'd had to move to another flat. But he'd still been having trouble making ends meet, so he'd decided to apply for babysitting jobs. His CV was very good, and soon he'd been hired by one of the best babysitting agencies in all of London. His female co-workers adored him, but he didn't really give any of them a chance to get close to him. The Vera experience had been enough for him, so he kept a low profile. He preferred taking jobs that involved working with the children of a single parent, like the family he'd grown up in, and he always did his absolute best to make them happy. But, for some reason, the Smith family felt different, in a good way. He didn't know why he felt the way he did. And he absolutely didn't know that this one family was going to change his life…and this time for the better.

* * *

 **beta: AWESOME ANNAMBATES! *********************

 **thank you for all the R &F&F&PM :)********


	4. Neumna?

**Chapter IV.**

The week passed quickly and, at end of it, Anna could see that John was very good at what he did. He was always on time, helped Gracie with homework, took her to the park, played games with her, and read to her. He even taught her how to whistle, which made Gracie adore him even more, if that was even possible. So the decision to hire him was easy.

September, October, and November went by quickly, and she had to admit to herself she was more than a little smitten with Mr. Bates. She never called him by his first name. He did try to tell her to call him John, but that would make the whole crush more real, so she stuck with calling him Mr. Bates. Little did she know that those two little words made his ears go red. He absolutely loved hearing his name coming out of her mouth in that sweet Yorkshire lilt. She found herself thinking about him during the day, and the same could be said for him.

After the big win with Mr. Molesley, Anna got a few small cases, but now it was time for another big case. This time she was working with Mr. Green. He was a good-looking bloke, but something about him and his attitude towards her and other women working in the office really made her feel nervous. They were working on a rape case, but Alex Green hadn't really done much work on it till Anna joined him. It was as if he didn't care if the man who had done it got away free. So after he told her what the case was about, Anna was on her own. And the extra hours were starting to affect her. She saw Gracie in the morning, talked to her a few times during the day, and that was it. When she came home in the evenings, the little girl was already asleep.

''Did I miss her?'' Anna asked, stepping into the kitchen.

John slowly nodded his head, ''Sorry, I did try, but after dinner she dozed off on the couch, so I carried her upstairs. Should I wake her?''

''No, no. Let her sleep, it's been a long week,'' she said, but he could hear the disappointment in her voice.

''Are you OK? You look tired,'' John said, taking a plate out of the cupboard.

''Well…thanks a lot,'' Anna replied. He quickly turned around and tried to apologize. ''No, I mean you look like you need some rest. I just wanted to say…''

But before he could finish the sentence he saw her giggling.

''It's OK, Mr Bates, you're right. I do need some rest, but I still haven't put my bed together. I haven't even unpacked all of my boxes, and I've been here for three whole months.'' She looked into the pot on the stove and saw he'd made pasta today.

After the first two weeks, he'd started to make her dinner. Every evening she came home to another delicious meal. She tried to tell him that he didn't have to bother, but he wouldn't listen. So she offered him a deal - he could cook for her, but only if he joined her for the meal. And he had no trouble at all saying yes. He loved babysitting Gracie, but the best part of his day was when Anna came home. They ate and talked, sometimes about her daughter or work, but basically she talked about everything and he listened. He didn't mind. It gave him time to analyse her, learn about her, and he loved what he saw and heard. She really was something - smart, funny, gorgeous.

''About that...'' John said, handing her a fork.

''About what?'' she looked at him, curious.

''Well, I hope I didn't overstep the mark, but I couldn't let you sleep on the floor another night.''

''You mean...?'' She stared at him, but before he could say anything, she was on her feet, running upstairs. When she opened her bedroom door, she could see a fully made bed. Her mattress wasn't on the floor anymore, and that almost made her cry. It wasn't a big thing, but seeing her bed put together after so many months made her think of home, her room, her family and friends. She had called home a few times, but the calls had been short and quick; she really hadn't had much time to talk.

''You put my bed together?'' she said when she returned to the kitchen, her eyes all red.

When he saw her, he panicked a little inside. Had he been too bold? ''Ohh, I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought that you would like to start sleeping on your bed, rather than on the floor.''

''No, no, it's all right. Thank you. You didn't have to.''

''I wanted to. You work hard and you need the best sleep you can get.'' He was glad she wasn't mad at him for going into her bedroom. He hadn't touched anything, but still - he had broken the rule of privacy by going in.

''How can I thank you?'' she asked.

''No, no. Please, it was my pleasure. You don't have to pay me. This one is on me,'' he said quickly, when he saw her pulling some money out of her purse.

''But I have to thank you in some way.''

''Just eat your pasta and tell me what's bothering you,'' he chuckled, sitting down on a bar stool.

''What are you talking about?'' She sat down opposite him.

''You tell me. Ever since you got this new case with this new guy...what's his name again?''

''Ohh, you mean Green,'' Anna said, taking a bite.

''Yeah, you've got this look in your eyes. Are you worried about him?''

''No…I mean, I don't know. He is weird. Do we have any parmesan?''

''Yes, we do.'' He stood up and opened the fridge. ''Weird how?''

''I don't know. It's a rape case, and he doesn't seem to make any effort for our client. It's like he doesn't even care if we win or not. And he makes me nervous when he's around me,'' she told him. After spending so many evenings with John, she didn't have any problem talking about her day. She hadn't known him for long, but he made her feel like she could tell him anything.

''Nervous?'' he asked, sprinkling the cheese onto her pasta.

''Yes.''

''In what way?''

''Well…it's just that sometimes he does these little things that make me uncomfortable. He stands a little too close, stares at me a little too long…things like that. But maybe it's all in my head, I don't know.''

''Are you telling me he's harassing you? Anna, you should talk to Mary! He can't do that!'' He stopped eating and stared at her. That bastard! How dare he?!

''I don't want to make a fuss.''

''But…''

''Mr. Bates, I'm all right. I can take care of myself - don't worry. The case will be over soon and Mary did promise me my own office and my own client after we win, so don't worry.'' It warmed her heart when she saw how worried he looked. But he really didn't have any reason to worry. She could handle Green.

''But…you can't let him do…'' he tried to tell her, but she interrupted him.

''Again, I'm all right, so don't worry. Nothing has happened. Let's just forget about Green, OK? Tell me, how was your day?'' She was a little sorry for bringing the whole Green thing up. She didn't like him, but she did think that she could handle him all right.

He was worried, but he dropped the subject, for now. ''It was fine. We spent the day at the park, until it started to snow. And then when I couldn't think of anything to do, we put the bed together.'' He looked up, still a little unsure whether he'd done the right thing.

''Thank god for the snow then, hmm?'' she said, pouring herself another glass of wine.

They'd become friends over the last three months. She didn't go out much. She was always working during the week and preferred spending the weekend with Gracie. So her only friends were her colleagues in the office and...well...John. She had been a little bit worried when he'd started to work for her, but he had proved her wrong. He was an absolutely brilliant nanny, and the most important thing was that Gracie loved spending time with him. But when they talked, they always talked about her. She didn't know much about him, except that he was good with kids, he could cook, and he was pretty much single, having been separated from his wife for several years. She talked and talked and he listened without any complaints. Sometimes, when she did manage to get home early, she found him brooding in the kitchen. She always wondered what he was thinking about, but never asked. The only thing she could do was stare at him, when she thought he wasn't looking.

''Well, I'd better get going. It's late and you need some proper sleep,'' he said, standing up and putting their empty plates into the dishwasher.

It was only 9 p.m. and she didn't want him to go, but before she could say anything he was already in the hall, putting his jacket on. Oh, Anna, come on - just ask him to stay a little bit longer, she thought to herself. She had been gathering her courage for almost a week now. She enjoyed his company, and there was something about him that made her feel good about herself.

In the end, all she could manage was ''Thanks for the dinner, Mr. Bates.''

'As always, it was my pleasure,'' he replied, thinking how good would it be to take her out for a dinner, a real one. ''See you next week.''

''Yes, see you,'' she said, closing the door after him.

 **xXx**

''OK, before we finish, I'd like inform you that our yearly Christmas ball will be on the 23rd of December. The invitations will be in your mailbox sometime today. That's it. You can go,'' Mary announced, ending the firm's weekly meeting.

Anna was gathering her things when Mary approached her. ''So, Anna dear, who is the lucky guy?''

''What?''

''I mean, who is your date for the ball?'' she asked, and sat on the table in front of Anna.

''Mary, I already told you that I won't be going. And don't give me that look. My parents are coming down for Christmas, and I would like to spend the holidays with them. OK?'' She started to walk out of the room.

''Anna May Smith, stop!'' Mary almost shouted after her. Anna turned around and stared at her. ''Look, Anna, I love you and all, but coooome on! All you do is work and spend your free time with that child of yours. Don't get me wrong, I adore Gracie'' she quickly added, when she saw Anna's shocked face. ''But you need to go out! So I won't be taking no for an answer. It's just a small fundraising ball.''

''Mary…''

''For sick young orphans who don't have anything and…'' Mary continued talking, while giving her the best puppy dog eyes she could.

''Mary! OK, just stop it. I'll be there!'' Anna cut her off.

''YAAAY! So, let me repeat my question. Who is the lucky guy?''

''I don't know.''

''How about Joe?''

''Nooo, he's kind of been avoiding me for the last two months.''

''Why? I thought you two got along?" Mary asked.

''We did, until he asked me out to dinner…four times.''

''Really?'' she started to laugh.

''Yeah, I mean, he's really nice and all, but not my type, so I said no. I think his ego was a little bit bruised.''

''OK, so Joe is out of the picture. Hmmm, how about…''

''Mary, don't, OK? I said I'll come and let's just leave it at that.''

''All right, all right. What is the matter with you these days? Are you feeling OK?'' Mary asked. It wasn't in Anna's nature to be rude.

''Yeah, I'm all right, thanks.'' The truth was she wasn't. Green was being a real pain in the ass these last few days. He didn't say anything, but the way he stared at her during the meetings with their client really made a shiver go down her spine. She was thankful that the case was going to close before the holidays.

''Are you sure? You seem nervous these days. Is something wrong with Gracie?'' Mary asked, when she saw Anna's face.

''Just the case. I can't wait to close it. You know how rape cases are,'' she lied.

''Don't worry, you and Green can manage.''

Anna gave her a quick smile. ''I need go now. We have a meeting with our client.''

''Sure, sure - off you go. And Anna?''

''Yeah?''

''I'm taking you shopping tomorrow, you and the little one. I'll stop by your place around 8 a.m. And I won't take no for an answer!''

Anna just nodded and closed the door behind her.

 **xXx**

Anna could feel Green's eyes on her through the whole meeting in his office. She was trying to be professional; she owed it to the client. But it was getting harder and harder to work with him.

After they were done, he stood up and approached her.

''Miss Smith,'' he said, smiling like an idiot. ''How are you today?''

''I'm fine, thank you,'' Anna said quickly, not wanting to start a conversation.

''Good, that's good.'' He took another step closer to her. ''Are you by any chance going to the ball?''

''Yes, I am,'' she replied, moving away from him.

''Have you got a date already?'' He was now openly checking her out.

''Yes, I do,'' she quickly lied. Was the creep really asking her out? She started to walk to toward the door, when he stepped into her path, closing the door in front of her. ''Anything wrong?'' she asked, trying to sound as calm as possible, but the truth was she was getting scared.

''No,'' he replied, after a few seconds of silence. ''See you around,'' he added, and opened the door. She stepped out of his office and, when she was walking down the hall, she could feel his eyes all over her body, which made her feel dirty somehow.

 **xXx**

''Gracie, Mr. Bates is here for you,'' the teacher called. The little girl took her bag without a word and made her way out of the classroom.

''Is she all right?'' John asked, watching her.

''She's been like that all day. I tried to talk to her, but she won't say a word about what happened,'' the teacher explained to him.

''OK, thank you,'' he said, and quickly followed Gracie. She had already put her winter boots on and was waiting silently for him by the front door. He offered her his hand and she took it without saying a word.

The drive home was very quiet. She stared out of the window, and he patiently waited for her to say something. After so many years of working with children, he knew they couldn't be tricked into doing something they didn't want to do.

''Did you finish your homework?'' John asked, when she came into the kitchen. Gracie only nodded. ''I've made some pancakes. Would you like one?'' Once again, she just nodded and sat down. John pushed a plate in front of her and waited.

She took a bite and finally started talking. ''John, where is my daddy?''

Whatever he had been expecting her to say, this wasn't it. Anna had never mentioned Gracie's father during their conversations and, well, he had never asked. ''Why are you asking, honey?'' He sat down across from her.

Gracie looked up, and he could see the tears in her eyes. ''What happened today, Gracie?''

''We were making New Year's cards and Miss Froggatt said that we should make one for mummies and one for daddies,'' she explained in her tiny voice. ''And I only made one, because I don't have a daddy.''

John stood up and knelt down next to her. She turned around to face him and continued, ''The bogey boy said I didn't have a dad because I'm stupid. No daddy would want to have a daughter as stupid as me. And I…'' She started crying before she could finish. John saw red for a moment. He knew children could be cruel, but being cruel to Anna's child - that was another thing altogether. He picked her up and her little hands were around his neck in second. John slowly carried her into the living room and sat on the armchair still holding her. The only thing he could do at that moment was to hold her and whisper comforting words in her ear. When she finally ran out of tears, his shirt was all wet, but he didn't mind.

''Gracie, look at me,'' he finally said, and waited for her to look up. ''You are not stupid. I don't know where your daddy is, but I can assure you he didn't leave you or your mum because you are stupid. You are a bright, beautiful young lady, and any man should be proud to call you his daughter.'' As he dried her face with the sleeve of his shirt, he could see she didn't believe a word he was saying. ''You know, I didn't have a daddy myself.''

''Were you stupid, too?'' she asked.

John had to chuckle. ''No, I wasn't stupid, and neither are you. You see, sometimes grownups don't know how to be parents. So they leave. Sometimes we know why and sometimes we don't. But you should never think that it's your fault, OK? Because it isn't. You love your mummy, don't you?'' Gracie nodded her head. ''Have you ever asked her where your daddy is?''

''No.''

''Why not?''

''I don't know,'' Gracie said, after thinking for a bit. The truth was she had never thought about her dad. It had always been just her and her mummy. She'd never felt it was wrong or strange that she didn't have a dad, until now.

''Would you like to ask her when she comes home?'' John asked her, moving her blonde locks out of her face.

''Yes,'' she replied, and cuddled into his embrace. He understood how was she feeling. He didn't know why her father wasn't around, but if the reason was even slightly similar to the reason his own father had left, he was grateful that the man wasn't.

 **xXx**

John was standing in front of the building. It was freezing cold, but he hardly noticed. He needed a smoke. The whole daddy situation had made him think of his own father, and that had made him angry. It brought all the bad memories back. He hadn't heard from him in 30 years and he was glad about that. But still, sometimes he tried to imagine what kind of a man he would have become if his father had been around. He was brooding when he heard Anna's car pulling up. She locked the car and started walking toward him.

''I didn't know you smoke,'' she said when she saw him.

''I don't really. Just once in a while.'' He puffed another one and tossed it into the bin next to the door. ''How are you?''

''Well, I'm freezing. Is something wrong?'' she asked, when she saw his face.

''We'd better go in,'' he said, and opened the door for her.

John was waiting for Anna in the living room. He told her what had happened and she wanted some alone time with Gracie, but asked him to wait for her. He waited for about an hour before Anna finally came down.

''How is she?'' he asked when she stepped into the living room.

''She'll be OK,'' she said, and sat down next to him on the couch. ''We talked. And I really did my best to explain the whole situation to her.''

''And how are you?''

''What do you mean?'' She stared at him.

''I don't know. I can imagine it was hard on you, having that conversation.''

''I knew she was going to be curious about Paul at some point, but I thought she was going to ask because she wanted to know, not because some mean kid made a remark about her not having a dad. You know what I mean?''

''I do.'' He gave her a smile.

''Thank you, by the way. Thank you for talking to her and helping her to understand that it wasn't her fault.'' She leaned back against the couch and he could feel her shoulder next to his arms.

''Umm…yeah, sure. Would you like to talk about it?''

''About what?''

''About…Paul.'' He had to admit to himself he was curious. What kind of a man would leave a woman like Anna? She was absolutely perfect.

She thought about his question and then asked, ''Would you like to know?'' She really hoped he would say yes. She wanted to tell him. Over the past months she had started to fall for him, but she hadn't admitted it to herself, not yet.

''Yes.''

''I was 18, he was 20 when we met. His name was Paul Wilson, and I thought he was absolutely gorgeous,'' she began. ''I fell for him the moment I saw him. He was the most popular boy in the whole school and, well, I was Anna.'' She stopped and chuckled. ''His family was rich and I will never fully understand why he picked me out of all of the girls. I was nothing compared to him. My parents owned a pub; we were peasants compared to Paul's kind of people. But he did, and I was too young to understand what real love was. At first we were just friends, then after a year we started dating. He was perfect, a true English gentleman, and I couldn't have been happier. We moved in together and everything was wonderful until I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared - I was only 21, and I knew my parents wouldn't be happy about it. They had never gone to college; they hadn't been able to afford it. So I was their hope - 'perfect Anna,' my brother used to called me.''

''Anna, you don't need to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable,'' John told her, and it was the truth. He wanted to know, but only if she was truly prepared to tell him.

''No, it all right. It's good to talk about it, especially after today. When I told him I was pregnant, he went absolutely insane. I'd never seen him like that. He was yelling at me and throwing things around the flat. He accused me of sleeping around, but I hadn't. You see…'' She looked at him and smiled.

''What?'' He returned her smile.

''Well, it's kind of funny when you think about it, but Paul is still the only man I've ever slept with.''

That shocked him a bit. Not that there was any shame that she had only slept with one man. He was kind of glad about it. It was just the fact that she was stunning - she could have any man she wanted, but she hadn't.

''I know what you're thinking. Poor girl - 28 years old and she's only slept with one man, living like a nun.'' She tried to joke about it, but he could see she was hurting.

''No, I don't think that,'' he said seriously.

''So, what do you think?''

''I will tell you, but first you have to finish your story.''

''Well, there's nothing much more to tell. I told him I was pregnant, he accused me of cheating, and that was it. I left our flat that same day. He never called me after that afternoon, not even when Gracie was born. Not a word. Mary told me he'd moved to America to study. So I was on my own. My parents did help, but there were times when I thought I wouldn't be able to manage everything - school, Gracie. I still don't know how I did it.'' She wiped a tear from her cheek. ''I'm being silly, it was 6 years ago.''

''You are not being silly. You were betrayed by the person you loved, and I know how that feels. It's hard, and maybe you'll never get over it, but the fact that you're here, doing your best, shows how strong you are. So don't think you're weak, because you're not. And if you ever do think you've lost your way, all you have to do is open the door of your daughter's bedroom and see what you've accomplished. She is a happy, healthy, smart little girl, and you should be proud of her and of yourself,'' he said, gazing at her with his hazel eyes.

She didn't know what to say. Was he aware that he was saying exactly the right things? She had been upset and sad when Gracie had asked her about Paul, but John made her feel strong and confident, just by telling her what she already knew, deep down.

''Thank you,'' she finally managed to say. ''Thank you for everything. I'm so happy that they sent you, and not some woman. Gracie absolutely adores you, and I can see you like her, too.''

''I do…she's a great kid, but it all comes down to her wonderful, beautiful mother…'' He'd finally said what he'd been thinking for the last 4 months.

''Mr. Bates...'' she began slowly. Had he just tried to tell her that he liked her?

''Anna...'' He turned toward her, but just as she was about to respond, a loud noise from upstairs made them jump. Gracie had woken up. The magical moment was gone. Anna excused herself quickly and went upstairs.

John was sitting on the couch, feeling all kinds of emotions, but mainly he was scared of what might happen now. He had hinted to her about the way he felt, and by the look on her face he knew she'd gotten the message. He liked her - as more than a friend - and he knew they would need to talk when she returned. Maybe he could pop out and buy them something to eat. He hadn't cooked tonight and felt bad about that. And they always talked while eating. He quickly wrote a note saying he going out to buy some food, and left it on the table.

''Mr. Bates?!'' Anna called when she came back downstairs 20 minutes later. At first she thought he had left without saying goodbye. That upset her - he couldn't just say things like that and disappear. She was turning the light off when she saw his note on the table. Her mood changed in a second, knowing he'd only gone out to get them something to eat. She was making her way upstairs to change into something more comfortable when she heard a knock at the front door. He was back, Anna thought, and she hurried to let him in. But it wasn't John standing in front of her. It was Green, and she immediately felt a shiver go down her spine.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: annambates :)) HVALA ****

 **thank you for all the F &R&F&PM! :)************* you are THE BEST! :)**


	5. Spremljevalka :)

**Chapter V.**

''What are you doing here?'' Anna asked Green coolly.

''Is that a proper way to greet your colleague, Miss Smith?'' he said, staring at her.

''Good evening, Mr. Green. What are you doing here?'' She didn't show it, but she was starting to panic. How did he know where she lived?

''I thought we could talk about the ball.'' He leaned on the doorframe, and she could tell that he was completely drunk.

''I already told you that I have a date for the ball,'' she lied. ''So if that's all, I really need to ask you to leave.'' She tried to close the door, but he slipped his foot between the door and doorframe. She tried to push him out, but he was too strong. ''What are you doing?'' she protested, as he stepped into the flat. She wasn't just panicking any more; she was truly frightened.

''Look, Anna - I need to talk with you. You see, I think…no, no, I _know_ I like you, and I really want to take you out. And I really can't take no for an answer.'' He backed her against the wall, and she could smell the alcohol on his breath. ''So I will ask you again.'' She felt his hands on her arms, and she froze in place. ''Would you like to go to the ball with me?''

''Mr. Green…''

''Call me Alex,'' he slurred, and she could feel his eyes all over her body.

''Mr. Green,'' she repeated, ''My answer is still the same.''

''Oh, really?'' He narrowed his eyes, and took a step closer to her.

''I'm afraid it is.''

''You are beautiful, you know that...hmm?'' He traced a finger over her cheekbone.

''Stop it! You are drunk, Mr. Green,'' she said, and turned her head away from his touch.

'Can't you see that we would be _perfect_ together?'' His voice was smooth as he tried to take her hand in his.

''Stop it!''

''My dearest Anna…''

''I believe the lady asked you to stop!'' a low voice said from behind Green's back. He slowly turned around and he could see John standing by the door.

''And you are?'' Green asked, like nothing was wrong.

''I'm the man who is going to smash your face into the wall if you don't let go of her right this moment,'' John growled, stepping into the flat.

''Oh, really? An old man like you? Oh, Anna, I really did hope you would have better taste in men. Are you her sugar daddy?'' He looked John in the eye and smiled. ''I bet she's a proper whore between the shee…'' Before he finished his sentence, he lunged at John, fists raised, but John was quicker. John ducked away and hit Green in the face. The force of the blow was so strong that Green was on the floor before his puny brain could gather what had happened. Green was clutching his nose when John knelt down.

''Listen very carefully, you little prick. If you _ever_ come near Anna or her family again, I'll make sure you do not walk again. You hear me? Don't talk to her, don't look at her, don't touch her, just don't! Nod your head if you got it!''

Green's face was all covered in the blood that was pouring from his nose. ''You broke my nose, man!'' he squeaked.

John was losing patience. He moved Green's hand away from his face and squeezed his broken nose. ''I said, did you understand what I just told you?''

''Yes, yeeees!'' Green yelled and started to kick.

John only grinned and let go of him. "Go on! Get out!''

Green picked himself up and ran out of the flat without looking back. John closed and locked the door, and turned around.

''Anna, are you OK?''

''Yeah, just a little bit in shock. I wasn't expecting him to show up at my place like that.'' She tried to sound calm, but he could see that she was shaking.

''Are you sure?''

''Yes, I'm all right, really. I'd better check on Gracie,'' she said, and ran upstairs.

 **xXx**

'Who is he?'' he asked her when she returned and informed him that the little one was sound asleep. He had just stepped out of the car, carrying the take away, when he saw a man walking toward Anna's flat, and something just didn't feel right. He observed them quietly at first, thinking maybe the man was a friend of hers, but the moment Green's foot prevented her from closing the door, he knew something definitely wasn't right.

''Gre…Green.''

''You mean the asshole from your office?'' He couldn't help himself - he slowly stepped toward her and put his strong hands on her shoulders.

''Yes.''

''I thought you said you'd talk with Mary about him.''

''I didn't want to make a big deal about it. Maybe I should have. I can't believe he came here! For a second, I thought he was going to…'' She wasn't able to finish the sentence; she didn't dare.

''Look, how about I run you a hot bath? Just to get your head cleared. Would that be OK?''

''Yes. Thank you, Mr. Bates.''

John prepared her a bubble bath and insisted on heating up some of the noodle soup he had brought back. She'd tried to tell him that he'd already done enough, but once again he hadn't listened. He was now standing in front of her closed bedroom door, with a small tray in his hands. ''Anna? Can I come in?'' he asked, knocking lightly on the door. There was no answer, so he knocked again and this time she heard him.

''Come in.''

John stepped into the room and he could saw her standing by the window, wearing an old t-shirt and pyjama shorts. She was petite, but her slim legs seemed to go on and on. John, pull yourself together, he had to remind himself.

''Oh, I told you, you shouldn't have gone to the trouble. You've already done too much,'' she said, when she saw the tray.

''I wanted to. Besides, it's not much, just some noodle soup.'' He set the tray on the nightstand. ''How are you feeling?''

''I'm better. Thank you.''

''I'm glad to hear it,'' he said, and watched her walk around the bed toward him.

''Thank you,'' she said again. ''Thank you for everything.'' And then she gave him a peck on the cheek. She could smell his aftershave and the feeling of her soft lips against his stubble made her forget about what had happened for a moment. It felt so right and so good to finally make some intimate contact with him.

He didn't know how to react. He wanted so badly to turn his head so her lips would touch his, but he couldn't. It wasn't the right time. In the end, the only thing he could say was, ''Can I stay?''

''What?''

''Can I spend the night here? On the couch, of course. I would feel much better if I know you are safe, both you and Gracie. I don't want you to be alone if he might still be out there.'' He was pushing his luck by asking this, but his reasons were truly honourable.

Once again, he was proving to her what a good man he was. She had actually thought about asking him to stay; the thought of having a man in the house did made her feel safer. ''Sure, you can stay.'' She smiled at him.

He quickly washed up and soon they were in the living room, preparing the couch for him. She handed him a few blankets and wished him a good night. After she was gone, John took his jeans off and made himself comfortable, but sleep didn't come.

 **xXx**

''Anna, dear, I'm he-e-re!'' Mary sang out, unlocking the door with her spare key. As promised, she was at Anna's at 8 in the morning with some breakfast. It was shopping day - the plan was to find a perfect dress for Anna to wear to the ball. But the house was still...until two loud bangs could be heard from the kitchen.

''Oh, I thought you were all ready for…Uncle John?'' John was standing behind the table, wearing only his black boxers, white undershirt, and black socks. ''What are you doing here?''

''Mary? What are you doing here?'' he repeated her question. He was as surprised to see her as she was to see him. John had known Mary since she was a little girl. She was the oldest daughter of his old friend Robert. Robert was few years older than John, but when they'd met in their twenties, they had clicked immediately.

''I asked you first!'' she challenged, crossing her arms.

Before he could respond, Anna came in. ''What happened?'' she asked, looking at John, but then quickly turned to her friend. ''Mary? What are you doing here?''

Mary rolled her eyes. ''Stop asking me that! What is he doing here?'' She pointed to John, who was starting to blush. After all, he was standing in front of them in just his underwear.

''He's my nanny.''

''I know he's your nanny, but what is he doing here on Saturday morning, walking around in just his boxers?'' Mary grinned. She was finding the whole situation more and more amusing.

''Something happened yesterday...''

''I bet it did.'' Mary's grin grew even wider.

''Maybe I should just get some clothes,'' John cut in, and quickly disappeared into the living room.

''You fox! You are sleeping with John Bates!''

''What? No, no, Mary, I'm not! What's wrong with you?! I told you months ago that he's my nanny!'' Anna exclaimed.

''I know you told me that he's working for you, but what's he doing here at this time of the morning? I have to tell you - these nannies have really good uniforms," Mary smirked. "Why didn't you tell me?! Was it because he's old? Was it because he's your boss's friend? I mean…''

''Mary, stop it! He's not my lover or boyfriend. We are in no way romantically involved. He is Gracie's nanny, and the reason he was in his underwear is because he spent the night…''

''So he did…'' Mary was grinning like a fool.

''ON THE COUCH!'' Anna almost shouted. ''Green showed up here last night!''

''Green? Alex Green? What does he have to do with John sleeping on your couch?'' From the look in Anna's eyes, she could see something was wrong. ''What happened?''

Anna told her the whole story - about Green, what had happened, how Mr. Bates had saved her.

''That bastard! I knew something had to be wrong with him, when even Ethel didn't want to sleep with him. Come on, get dressed. I'm taking you to the police station.'' Mary grabbed her by the arm.

''Mary, let go. I don't want to report him.'' She pulled back.

''What? Come on, don't be silly! He pushed into your flat with any invitation, he touched you without your permission... For god's sake, you're a lawyer, Anna!''

''He was drunk.''

''So what? That's no excuse for his behaviour!'' Mary was running out of patience with her friend.

''Look, Mary - I don't want to press charges. He was drunk and I got scared, but that was it. Besides, I think Mr. Bates scared him away for good. The only thing I would like to ask of you is that you remove him from our case. I don't think I can work with him anymore, not after what happened.''

''But…''

''No buts…can you do that for me? Please...'' she begged.

''OK, if you insist. I'll talk with him first thing on Monday.''

''Thank you.''

''But I still think you should…'' Mary tried her luck again.

''Mary!'' Anna eyed her.

''All right, all right. But you have to at least let me worry. After all, you are my friend and it's my job to worry and love you.''

''I know, thank you.'' Anna hugged her. ''And I love you.''

''OK, enough of that. How much time do you need to get ready? I can't wait to find you a new dress!'' Mary smiled brightly. She had changed the subject, but she could not wait for Monday to come to look that creep in the eye and fire him.

''About that, I'm still not sure if I should go. I mean, I don't have a date, my parents are coming...'' Anna huffed.

''How about John? Did you ask him?''

''John who?" She looked puzzled. "I don't know any Joh..'' But then it clicked when she saw Mary nodding toward the living room. ''Ohh, you mean Mr. Bates. No, I can't ask him. He probably already has plans...'' she hesitated, not looking her in the eye.

''Uncle John have plans? I don't think so. Just ask him! I can see you fancy him.''

''Shhhhhhh. Don't say that!'' She quickly covered Mary's mouth with her hand.

''Anna May Smith, you _do_ fancy him, don't you!'' she gasped.

''Yes...no! I don't know. I don't dislike him. Ohh, just be quiet!'' Anna exclaimed, when she saw her grinning.

''So you're going to ask him?'' Mary was really enjoying her friend's discomfort. ''Or should I?'' she added, when she saw Anna shaking her head.

''No, NO, don't you dare!'' But Mary was already walking toward the living room, calling John's name.

''Hey, Uncle John - are you decent?''

''Yes, Mary, I am.'' John was making the couch and putting the blankets away when she stepped into the room.

''Mary!'' Anna quickly followed, trying to stop her, but it was too late.

''What are you doing on the 23rd?''

''Well, Robert's invited me to your annual charity ball...'' he began.

''Perfect! See, Anna? You can go together," Mary announced happily. "What do you think about that, John?''

''Actually…'' John glanced down, shifting uneasily.

''What?''

''I kind of already have a date for that night,'' he said, looking up. Anna didn't show it, but he could see in her eyes that she was surprised. He'd never mentioned to her that he was seeing someone.

''Ohhh.'' Mary slowly exhaled. ''Who is she?''

''Mary, leave him alone,'' Anna jumped in. ''It's all right if I don't go. As I said before, my parents are coming and I haven't seen them in a long time, so please don't feel bad about it.'' She was trying to reassure him indirectly. But the truth was that she absolutely devastated. She hadn't realized that he had someone special in his life. She'd never asked him, but after the previous night, she'd started to hope that there just might be something more between them.

''Anna, she is jus…'' he began.

''Mr. Bates, it's all right, believe me. It was just an idea.''

''But you have to beli….''

''Thank you for staying with us,'' Anna cut him off. ''And thank you for yesterday, but I need to get ready. See you on Monday?''

''Yes,'' he replied weakly, when he saw she didn't want to talk about it.

''Bye,'' she said, and gave him a faint smile.

''Bye.'' He closed the door behind him. ''Fuck! John, you are such an idiot!'' he berated himself as he walked toward the car. He wasn't lying, he really did have a date for the ball. He had just started to see somebody casually a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't serious, it had just happened. She had asked him out for coffee and he'd said yes. He never would have agreed if he had thought he had any chance with Anna, and then yesterday had happened. And after he had seen her face a couple of minutes ago, he knew. She liked him.

 **xXx**

''Oh my god. I have never been so embarrassed in my life,'' Anna said, leaning on the door.

''John Bates actually has a girlfriend...'' Mary shook her head in disbelief, staring at the door.

''Thank you for clarifying that.'' Anna made a face and started to walk toward the living room.

''Sorry, sorry! It's just, I don't know, strange. But I guess he is a man, and men have certain...needs...and he's been kind of divorced for three years, so…''

''Mary, just stop! You're not helping me,'' Anna moaned, sitting down on the couch and pulling a pillow onto her lap ''And what is it with his so-called ex? He's only mentioned her to me once.''

''She was, let's just say, ''special.'' She left him for another man, and claimed she would send the divorce papers after she got settled, but they never came.''

''And he didn't try to call her?''

''I don't know. I don't know much about it. Papa was his lawyer, so he never talked about it, and John isn't the type of man who shares his personal stuff.''

''Tell me about it.'' She had to admit she was a little bit cross with him. They had talked almost every single day, and he hadn't bothered to mention that he was seeing someone.

''OK, let's go! Stand up! We are NOT going to spend our day crying and complaining about John. Come on.''

''Mary, just leave me alone.''

''Oh no, come on! We are going to get you a dress.''

''For what?''

''For the ball.''

''What for? I don't have a date, and I don't want to spend the whole evening looking at that woman.'' Anna covered her face with the pillow she was holding.

Mary started to giggle. ''My god, Anna May Smith - you really like him, don't you!''

''No...'' Anna's groan could be heard through the pillow.

''Yes, you do! Listen to me,'' Mary said, sitting next to her and pulling the pillow from her face. ''We are going to buy you the most beautiful dress my credit card can afford AND you are going to the ball AND you are going to show him just what he's missing, OK?'' She grinned. ''Plus you have to see what you're competing against. Right?''

Maybe Mary was right. She had to admit to herself that she was curious. Who was this woman John was talking about? ''All right,'' she said, and stood up. ''Let's go.''

 **xXx**

''Here we go, try this one.'' Mary handed Anna the tenth dress in the last hour. ''Come on, hurry up! I don't have all day,'' she added, and pushed her into the changing room.

''Auntie Mary?'' Gracie called. ''Why can't I go to the ball?'' She slid her feet into her mother's high-heeled shoes.

''You are too little, sweetie,'' Mary replied.

''No, I'm not. Look!'' Gracie tried to stand up in Anna's heels.

''OK, if you can take three steps toward me without falling, you can come,'' Mary said, watching Gracie try to focus on her steps.

''One…'' counted the little girl, slowly moving one leg in front of the other. ''...two…'' She wobbled a little bit, but caught herself without falling. ''...and th…'' She didn't have a chance to finish - Mary's hands were already catching her, just a few inches from the floor.

''I almost did it,'' Gracie giggled happily.

''Yes, you almost did!''

''So can I come?''

''I'm afraid not. But I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it anyway. A lot of grown-ups will be there, no balloons, and no cake. Just a few boring old folks donating money for children who need help.''

Gracie was looking at her and Mary could almost hear the wheels turning in that head of hers. ''Can I give some money for the children?'' she finally asked.

''You can, but I think you should ask your mum first.''

''Ask me what?'' Anna asked, stepping out of the changing room.

''Oh my god, Anna - you are absolutely gorgeous! He is going to die when he sees you!'' Mary exclaimed. ''It's perfect.''

''You really think so?'' Anna asked, giving a little twirl.

''Mummy, you're very pretty!'' Gracie squealed.

''Believe us! Even I would hit on you, if I was into girls.'' Mary laughed. ''He is going to be _so_ mad at himself for not taking you. You look really beautiful." She looked toward the counter. "Excuse me, Miss...?''

''Yes, Miss Crawley?''

''We'll take it.''

* * *

 **my BETA: annambates!**

 **thanks for all F &F&R&PM :) I like getting reviwes! :D so give me one if you have some free time :))****


	6. Nasvidenje Green, živijo Thomas

**Chapter VI.**

''What do you mean, I'm fired?!''

''You heard me, Mr. Green. Now, you have an hour to pack your belongings and to get out of your office,'' Mary stated calmly.

''You can't fire me! I've worked for this firm for the last 11 years. I've spent my best years here, and now you're telling me I'm fired, just like that?!'' Green yelled, and threw a book from Mary's table at the wall.

''Calm down, Mr. Green, or I'll call security. And we both know the reason we have to let you go. Our firm does not and will not support your kind of behaviour.''

''My kind of behaviour? What are you talking about? And I will NOT calm down!'' He started to pace around her office, trying to figure it out, when he saw Anna coming out of the lift. ''That bitch! She is the reason you're firing me, isn't it!?''

Before Mary could stop him, he was already running toward Anna. ''You bitch! What the hell did you tell her, huh?!'' He was now standing only a foot in front of her.

''Mr. Green...'' she began, but he didn't let her continue. ''What did you tell her?! I lost my job because of you! You'll pay for this! You hear me?! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!'' He was yelling so loudly, the whole floor could hear him.

''Mr. Green! Is there a problem?'' a loud voice interjected. It was Robert; he'd been in a meeting in the next room when he'd heard something going on in the hallway.

''Yes, there is.'' Green turned around and faced him. ''Your fucking daughter just fired me, and only because I tried to be nice to the whore standing behind me!'' His face was crimson and Robert could see a pulsing vein in his forehead.

''Mr. Green,'' Robert inhaled sharply, trying to ignore the language Green was using. ''I'll ask you politely to collect your belongings and leave this office.'' He did not know why Mary had fired the man, but in situations like this he knew he had to trust her. After all, they were running a family business, and he respected her judgment.

''You can't do that! I did nothing wrong!'' Green tried to fight back, gesturing toward Anna. " _She_ should be the one losing her job, not me! Look at me!'' He pointed to his nose. ''She sent her boyfriend after me, for no reason at all!''

''Mr. Green! I see you don't seem to grasp what I'm saying, so I'll say it again...and this time I'll use your kind of language, so you understand me better. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUILDING!''

The whole floor went completely silent. They had never seen Robert act like that. Even Green looked surprised. ''Yes, sir,'' he said, turning around and glaring into Anna's eyes, mouthing "This is not over." And with that, he was gone.

''Anna, are you all right?'' Robert asked her, and she nodded silently. She hadn't expected or tried to get him fired, she'd only asked for him to be removed from her case. ''Mary, why did you fire him? I never said you should fire him?''

''Yeah, I know, but let's face it, he was a big pain in the ass,'' Mary chuckled.

''Go on, there is nothing to see here!'' Robert shouted, and in a second the office was busy again. ''Mary! A word please!'' he said, and started to walk toward his office. ''Anna - you, too!''

''What the hell just happened out there?!'' he yelled, the moment Anna closed the office door behind her.

''Papa...'' Mary began, but he interrupted.

''You have one minute to explain why in god's name I've just fired one of my top 3 lawyers!''

''He was harassing Anna, that's why!'' Mary argued back, with the same passion as her father. ''And Jane, and Ethel, and all the cafeteria workers...my god, Papa, he even tried his little games on Mum!''

''What?!'' Once again, Robert was clueless. He was a good lawyer; he knew every trick of his profession. But when it came to seeing and understanding the real world, he was absolutely 100% clueless. ''What do you mean?''

''You heard me! My god, Papa, for one of the best lawyers in the country you can be really dense. He worked for us 11 years and you never noticed the way he treated our female employees?! The only reason I hadn't fired him before was that none of the women had ever wanted to file a report, but showing up at Anna's place without any invitation...that was it! Yes, he is very good at what he does, but our company has never supported that kind of behaviour, and I'll die before we let that kind of man work for us again! And that, my dear Papa, is the reason I fired him!'' Mary concluded, and sat down in a chair opposite her father, who was still staring at her with his mouth open.

''Anna, is this true?'' he finally managed to ask.

''Well, I can only speak for myself, but he did behave inappropriately with me on numerous occasions. He had never really crossed the line, but showing up at my place and saying the things he did was finally too much, so I asked Mary to take him off of our case. But as you can see, she took it a step further. I don't know what happened with the other women, but I can assure you that his intentions weren't honourable.''

Robert just listened. He really hadn't had any idea about the whole Green situation. And that bastard had tried to hit on his wife! After all the years working under his roof - how dare he! He'd liked Green from the moment he had stepped into his office 11 years ago. Green had seemed smart, quick, and prepared to learn from the best. And when Violet had said she didn't trust the boy because he smiled too much, and you must never trust someone who smiles all the time, he had taken Green's side and begged his mother to give the man a chance. In the end, old Violet had finally said yes. And now, after 11 years, Robert regretted not having listened to his mother.

''And his nose?''

''John hit him,'' Mary finally spoke up.

''Green had swung first,'' Anna quickly pointed out. ''Mr. Bates was just defending himself.''

''Can one of you talk with the female staff? I would like to hear what they have to say. Let them know they are not in any trouble, and if any of them want to make a report, they should feel free to do so.'' He leaned back in his chair and tossed the pen he was holding onto the table.

''Yes, Papa. I'll talk with them. And Anna, I think you should go home. Take some time off. I know your parents are coming to London tomorrow afternoon, and you don't need to listen to rumours going around the office.''

''But I have a meeting with my client. You know they changed the date of the trial because of the holidays, and I need to…''

''I will take care of that! Go home, take a bath, and relax. I'll take care of everything, and I'll see you on Wednesday at the ball. Alright?''

''OK. And thank you,'' Anna responded. She was glad Mary was sending her home. She knew how people could be. They had talked behind her back when she had gotten pregnant with Gracie, and now, after the whole scene with Green in the middle of the office, she could bet people would talk about it for some time. But she wouldn't let it get to her. As she left Robert's office, however, she realized she couldn't go home yet - John was there. Gracie's' Christmas vacation had already started, and her parents were arriving the next day. So he was there babysitting for the last time this year, and Anna just wasn't in the mood to talk with him. She stopped at the table in her little office, and took a file from the cabinet.

 **xXx**

''Haven't you gone home yet?''

Anna looked up and saw Jane looking at her with two cups of coffee in her hands. She'd decided to hide herself in the firm's cafeteria and get some work done. ''I was planning to, but Mr. Bates is still there.''

''So?'' Jane sat down opposite her and handed her a cup. ''I thought you liked the guy.''

''That's the problem.''

''What are you talking about?'' Jane frowned.

''Well, apparently he's already taken.''

''Did his wife come back?'' Jane knew all about Anna's nanny. They had become real friends over the past few months, and had spent many hours talking about him.

''No. But he's got himself a girlfriend.''

''What?'' Jane stared at her, open-mouthed. ''Who told you that?''

''He did. Mary asked him if he would go to the ball with me as my date and, well, apparently he already has one.''

''That bastard!''

''Jane!'' Anna giggled.

''What? He is!''

''No, he's not. He's sweet, nice, smart, a great cook…hot...'' Anna started to daydream out loud.

''Oh, Anna.'' Jane smiled at her friend. ''Did you ever try to show him you like him?''

''You know I didn't. I didn't even know I liked him for real until the other night.''

''What do you mean? What happened?''

''Well, I think he kind of told me he likes me.'' Anna grinned. She was cross with him, but she still liked him.

''What? Oh, Anna! Stay here - I'm getting us something to eat, and then you must tell me everything!'' Jane quickly stood up and hurried toward Thomas, who was standing behind the counter. Anna just smiled at her. She liked her; aside from Mary, Jane was the only true friend she had in the big city.

''Won't Mr. Crawley miss you?'' Anna asked her when she had returned.

''No, he went to a meeting in Oxford and gave me the afternoon off. So tell me everything about your Mr. Bates and what happened with Mr. Green. The whole office is talking about what happened this morning.''

Anna told her everything, and Jane was speechless at the end.

''So what's your plan?''

''What do you mean?'' Anna asked, and set her fork back down on her empty plate.

''Well, if Mr. Bates is taking someone, why don't you take someone yourself?''

''Jane…''

''No, listen - let's make him regret not taking you. You say he told you he likes you, right?''

''Yes, well, sort of indirectly, but I don't see any point in taking someone with me. I don't even know who I could ask.''

''Anna, men are simple creatures. If he likes you the way he seems to, you will see it in his eyes. There's nothing better or hotter than to see your man jealous, when he thinks you should be in his arms and not in the arms of another man.''

Anna thought about it and realized she kind of liked the idea of seeing him feeling jealous. ''OK, but who should I ask?''

''Let's see…we need someone who is tall, handsome, nice…maybe even younger, hmm?''

''Jane, you are such a minx sometimes,'' Anna giggled. ''But where am I going to find someone like that in three days?'' The moment the words left her mouth, Thomas walked past them and started to clean the table next to theirs. And before Anna could say anything, Jane had already called him over.

''Hey, Thomas?''

The young man turned toward them. ''Yes?'' he smiled. He had a reputation around the place for being mean, but he liked Anna and Jane. They were always nice to him, and he didn't have a lot of friends.

''Come and sit with us for a moment,'' Jane smiled, and pulled out a chair for him.

 **xXx**

''Gracie, where are you?'' John called, coming downstairs. Anna had texted him that she was going to be late, but he knew she just didn't want to face him. He felt so angry with himself. He hadn't planned for it to happen like this; she had just been sitting next to him that night, looking lovely as she always did, and he'd thought the moment was right to try and tell her how he felt. If Gracie hadn't interrupted them, he knew he would have kissed her, or at least tried to. But the moment had gone, and then Green, that piece of shit, had turned up, and they hadn't had the time to talk about what had happened between the two of them. And then she'd found out about him already having a date for the ball. He had barely slept the whole weekend, thinking about it over and over and trying to decide what to do next. ''Gracie, come on! Your mum is going to be home any minute now.''

He stopped in the middle of the kitchen and listened. They had been playing hide and seek when John had remembered that he had promised Anna he would wash Gracie's hair. ''I promise we'll be done really quickly!'' He knew that Gracie absolutely hated washing her golden curls.

''All right, then.'' He paused. ''Oh, look - Olaf is here! Hi, Olaf. Do you know where Gracie is? No?'' He started to talk a little more loudly to the toy. ''What do you think, should we try and look together or should we just take some ice cream out of the fridge and eat it without telling her?'' If the ice cream didn't work, then nothing would, John smiled to himself.

''I want ice cream, too!'' called a little voice from the cabinet under the sink. John chuckled and quietly stepped toward the sink. ''Oh, there you are!'' he exclaimed, opening the cabinet and pulling a laughing Gracie out of it. ''Come on, let's go upstairs!'' he said, and started to tickle her.

''NO, no!'' The little girl giggled and tried to escape his hug, but he held her safely and continued to tickle her until he heard a knock at the front door. He stopped what he was doing and set her down on the couch. ''Stay here,'' he requested, tapping her nose and smiling at her flushed face.

''Just a minute!'' he called, straightening his shirt while walking toward the door. John unhooked the chain and opened the door. ''Can I help you?'' he asked, finding himself face to face with two pairs of very confused eyes.

* * *

 **beta: annambates :) you know I love you, right? :)**

 **thank you for all the F &R&F&PM :******* you are the best readers in the entire world **


	7. odpuščen si

**Chapter VII.**

''Can I help you?'' John asked again, this time with a slightly sharper tone, as the two pairs of eyes stared back at him in silence.

''Who are you?'' the man finally asked, still looking confused.

''Well, you're the ones who knocked, so…'' John took a step forward; he didn't like the way the man was staring at him. ''...who are _you_?''

''We are…'' the slightly familiar-looking older woman began, when Gracie came running toward them, almost knocking John down. ''Graaaanny!'' she yelled, and threw herself into the woman's arms. ''Hello, beautiful!'' the woman smiled.

Oh my god, they are Anna's parents, John realized.

''Mum? Dad? What are you doing here?'' a voice behind them called out. It was Anna, who had just arrived home from the office. ''I thought you were coming tomorrow! Why didn't you call me?'' She hugged her mother first, and then her father.

''Well, Anna dear, that would have ruined the surprise. We took an earlier flight.'' Anna's mum's eyes drifted to John, who was still standing quietly near the door, feeling a little ashamed of his earlier behaviour. ''I hope we didn't ruin your plans.'' Alice Smith continued to eye the unknown man.

''No, no, not at all. Come in,'' Anna said. ''It's freezing outside! How was your flight?'' She continued talking, and walked into the flat without looking at John. Gracie and Alice followed her.

''Mr. Smith, can I help you with your luggage?'' John finally opened his mouth when he could feel the man's eyes boring into him.

''I can manage,'' Anna's father said sharply, and stepped into the house without looking John in the eye.

After a brief introduction, John quickly picked up his jacket and headed to the front door.

''Mr. Bates? Are you not going to stay for dinner?'' Alice asked.

''Thank you, Mrs. Smith, but I have to go.''

''Are you sure?'' Anna asked, taking the chicken out of the oven.

''Yes, I'm sure. Just enjoy your meal,'' he quickly added, when he saw the look her father was giving him.

''If you're sure...'' Anna was still cross with him because he hadn't mentioned that he was seeing someone, but she also wanted him to stay and meet her parents.

''Yes, I'm sure. See you later.'' He gave Gracie a quick hug, and with that he was gone.

 **xXx**

''Why didn't you tell me you'd found yourself a man?'' Alice asked Anna during dinner.

''What? No, no, you've got everything wrong, Mum. He's not my boyfriend. He's…''

''My nanny!'' Gracie proudly finished her mother's sentence. George almost choked on his chicken. ''He is your _what_?!'' he barked.

George Smith was a very old-fashioned man. He expected certain things to go certain ways. For him, the world was divided into two different sides – men's and women's. A man should be the provider, someone who does a man's job and takes good care of his family. A woman should stick with women's work – taking care of the family and home. Marriage and family were very important to him, and he believed that two people should only live together and have children after they are married.

His parents had never had enough money for him to go to college, so he was absolutely glowing with pride when Anna planned to go...until he found out what she was going to study. For him, law was a man's job. It wasn't that he didn't believe Anna could do it - she was smart enough, all right, but still. It took him a long time to get used to the idea. And then, when he'd almost started to completely believe in her again, Anna had moved in with Paul, and then later told them she was pregnant. To top it all off, Paul had been unwilling to take responsibility and he'd had no intention of making an honest woman of her. Anna's father had completely lost it - he was angry with the boy, with Anna, and with himself. He had wanted beat the crap out of Paul and he almost had, but Alice had stopped him in time.

Alice was tougher than she looked. She knew how to handle a man like George. After days of talking and shouting, she had finally made him shut up and listen. She had given him an ultimatum: either he would grow old with her, their daughter and granddaughter by their side, or she would pack her belongings and move out of their home. George had no other option but to swallow his pride, set his beliefs aside, and allow his 21 year old, pregnant, single daughter back into their home. He refused to talk to Anna for months, but everything changed after the little angel was born. When he first saw newborn Gracie, he was one proud grandfather, and he promised himself that he would protect her better than he had Anna. It was tough on him when Anna told them she was considering moving to London. He had a lot to say about the matter, but once again Alice worked her magic and he bit his tongue.

When a strange man had opened the door of his daughter's flat a few minutes ago, he had panicked. The whole Paul experience had made him feel extremely protective toward her; no man was going to hurt his girl anymore, not on his watch. And now, to find out that the tall, broad-shouldered man was his granddaughter's nanny! Had the world gone completely insane?

''He's Gracie's nanny,'' Anna had explained, after giving him a few slaps on the back to try to stop his coughing. ''And before you say anything, let me tell you that he is perfect with her,'' she added, lovingly stroking Gracie's hair.

''Are you saying that that man is taking care of my Gracie all by himself when you're at work!? Have you completely lost your mind?!''

''George!'' Alice tried to stop him. ''Not in front of the little one!''

''I like him!'' Gracie finally said, looking at her granddad, not understanding what the problem was with John being her nanny.

''Do you really?'' Alice asked, before George could protest further.

''Yes, he's a lot of fun. We watch the telly together, he plays with me when Mummy is away, we bake…''

''He _bakes_?! He's a grown man who earns his living taking care of other people's children AND he _bakes_?! What the hell is going on in this house?!''

''George, watch your language! Come on, honey, let's go and have a bath.'' Alice took Gracie into her arms. ''I already had one!'' the little girl protested, but Alice was already making her way upstairs, which left George and Anna alone in the kitchen.

''Dad...'' Anna began, but he cut her off. ''Anna, I can't believe it. Is he the reason you moved down here?''

''What? No, of course not! I needed someone to watch Gracie, and the babysitting agency sent him. And before you say anything more, I want you to know that he's great with her! She likes him and I like him.''

''Anna!''

''No, Dad, listen - he is not Paul,'' she finally voiced his thoughts. ''He is not here to hurt me or Gracie. Yes, he's a man who works as a nanny, but he is absolutely brilliant at what he does. I'm really thankful that you came all the way from York to see us, but if your plan is to spend the whole holiday arguing with me about Mr. Bates and the way I'm living now, well, maybe it would be better for you not to unpack your things.''

She could see he was shocked; never in her life had she spoken to him the way she was doing now. ''Dad, I love you, and I'm thankful to you and Mum for standing by me when I needed you. But I'm 28 years old, a grown woman, and you must stop worrying about me. Especially when it comes to the men in my life. I'm an adult now, and you have to believe me when I say that I learned my lesson with Paul.'' She sat down next him and took his hand in hers.

''But how can I not worry? That bastard Paul broke your heart, and I failed to protect you.''

''No, you didn't. I was young and stupid. I didn't know what real love was. You were there, he wasn't. So stop worrying. I'm all right, Gracie is happy, and that's all that matters. OK?'' She smiled.

''OK.'' He leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek, then frowned. ''But he _bakes_!''

''Let it go, Dad.'' She giggled, fully aware of her father's beliefs when it came to men's and women's roles. ''Are we all right?''

''Yes, we are. And I'm sorry for yelling in front of Gracie.''

''It's OK. She'll be all right, don't worry,'' she reassured him. ''I'm so happy you're staying for the holidays! I've missed you.''

''And we missed you,'' George said, and kissed his daughter's forehead.

 **xXx**

''So, what's the story?'' Alice asked, drying the plates.

''What do you mean?''

''Don't play games with me, miss. I'm your mother, and no matter my age, my eyes still work.''

Anna dried her hands on the towel and looked at her mother. ''Oh, you mean Mr. Bates? There is no story. He's Gracie's nanny and that's it.''

''Anna, I'm not your father,'' she said, following her daughter to the living room. George had promised to read a bedtime story to Gracie, and that had left the Smith women alone. ''You can tell me.''

''There is nothing to tell. I mean…'' she started, and sat down on the couch, running her hand through her hair. ''…he's nice.''

''Yes? And…?'' Alice made herself comfortable next to her daughter.

''That's it.''

''Oh, Anna dear, you never were a good liar.''

''You do know I'm a lawyer, don't you? I can lie.''

''Yes, but not to the people you love. You like him, don't you?''

''Yes, I do,'' she finally admitted. ''Mum, you should see him with Gracie. I know he's paid to do the job, but she is really happy, which makes me happy. But he's in a relationship, or maybe two…''

''What do you mean two?''

''Well, apparently his wife left him several years ago and never sent the divorce papers. So he doesn't know where she is, and now he has found himself a girlfriend before...before anything could happen between us. I mean, I thought he liked me, but…''

''He does,'' Alice stopped her. ''You should have seen his face when he realised we were your parents. He looked like a teenage boy who had been caught sneaking out of his girlfriend's room! And I saw him looking at you just before he left. There is definitely something there. It's on you to find out what, my dear.''

''You think so?''

''I know so. And don't worry about Dad. You do what you think is the best for you and Gracie, and I'll handle our Georgie boy. The important thing is that you are happy.''

''Thank you, Mum!'' Anna exclaimed, hugging her.

''So he bakes, hmm?''

Anna started to laugh. ''And cooks, too.''

''I like him already!''

 **xXx**

''Anna, hurry up!'' Mary shouted from the open door of the limousine.

''I'm coming!'' Anna called back, then turned to address her daughter. ''Gracie, be good for your old Granny, all right?''

''Who are you calling old?'' Alice asked, stepping into the hall.

''Nobody,'' Anna laughed, putting on her winter coat. ''I won't be late.''

''Don't worry, your father and I have everything under control.''

''ANNA!'' Mary called again from the street.

''Maybe I should just stay home...'' Anna thought out loud.

''Anna! You've just spent 2 hours getting ready for him. Don't give me that look, you and I both know it was for him! You are going and you are going to show him what he is missing. So, go on!'' Alice practically pushed her out the door. ''Enjoy the ball!'' was the last thing she said before she closed the door in Anna' face.

''Finally!'' Mary's voice made Anna jump. She was still a little surprised by her mother's behaviour. ''We're going to be late!''

''Yes, yes, I'm coming.'' Anna hurried to get into the limo. ''Hi, everyone!'' she greeted Thomas, Sybil, Tom, Edith, Mary, and Matthew, who were already in the car. The drive was short and they spent it talking about the evening ahead. Even Thomas, who was a little nervous, shared a brief conversation with Matthew and Tom. He had been a little surprised when the girls had asked him to accompany Anna to the ball, but Jane had made him an offer he could not refuse – the phone number of a young lad called Jimmy, who had just started to work in the office.

The limo stopped in front of the building just in the nick of time, before Mary and Edith got into a fight about the dresses they were wearing.

''Thank god we are here,'' Anna overheard Matthew say while he was getting out of the car, and she stifled a giggle. She loved all of the Crawley girls, but sometimes Mary and Edith in the same room were too much for anybody.

They slowly made their way into the building, and Anna couldn't help but start scanning the crowd for him…and for _her_. Was he already here? Maybe he'd changed his mind and stayed home…with her…in his arms. Don't go there, Anna! she thought to herself, and handed Thomas her coat.

''Oh, my god!'' Sybil gasped.

''Honey, what is it?! Is something wrong with the baby?'' Tom looked at her in a panic. Sybil was 4 months pregnant. It had been a big shock to her when she had found out, and the same could be said of Robert, who had spent the entire first week in almost complete silence, trying to think of ways he could hurt Tom without going to prison. But in the end they were in love and happy, so why not have a baby now? Yes, she was still in school, but they had always found a way to make everything work before, so they were optimistic it would all work out.

''Tom…don't be silly!'' Sybil smacked his shoulder lightly.

''What is it then?''

''Look at her dress!'' Sybil pointed to Anna, and the whole group turned to her.

''What?'' Anna asked nervously. ''Is something wrong?''

''Anna, you look gorgeous!'' Sybil exclaimed and took a step closer, Edith soon following. They started talking about her dress.

''Boys, are you all right?!'' Mary asked from behind Matthew and Tom, whose mouths were hanging open.''

''Yes, yes, everything is all right.'' They quickly coughed and turned their eyes away from Anna. ''Can I get you a drink, Mary?'' Matthew asked quickly, afraid Mary would be angry with him for checking out her best friend. After years of flirting, Matthew and Mary had finally decided to be together.

''Sure.'' Mary chuckled at Tom, who turned around and quickly followed Matthew.

''Here you are!'' Cora approached them, smiling. ''Come on, the table is ready. Anna, you look beautiful.''

''Thank you,'' Anna responded shyly, and followed Mary. She was sharing the table with the whole Crawley family; even old Violet was there. But two seats were still empty when they sat down. Anna knew John was a good friend of the Crawleys, so she could only imagine the empty places were for him and his date. The food was already in front of them, when suddenly Robert stood up.

''John! I was starting to think you two weren't going to show up. Phyllis, dear!'' he joyfully greeted the pair.

''Robert, it's been too long!'' A woman next to John greeted his friend. Anna eyed her and had to admit to herself that his date was a beauty - tall, dark eyes, sleek dark hair, toned body. She was older than Anna, maybe just a little younger than John, but nevertheless she was stunning.

Anna's gaze shifted to John, and immediately their eyes locked.

When he saw Anna, John could not move a muscle; he just stared at her. She was already seated, but from the little he could see of her gown, he could tell that it was beautiful. It had no visible embellishment below its simple jewel neckline, but it was far more form-fitting than anything he'd seen her in before. He just stood there, taking in the sight, when finally he heard a voice beside him. ''John?''

''Yes, what?'' He coughed, and looked at his date.

''Are you all right?'' Phyllis's gaze travelled from him to Anna.

''Yes, of course. Let's sit down.'' He smiled at her kindly and they walked around the table to their seats.

''Why didn't you tell me they'd be sitting with us?'' Mary whispered to her father.

''What do you mean?'' Robert asked, startled by her unhappy expression.

''Oh, never mind." Mary turned to her friend. "Anna, are you all right? I didn't know we would be sharing a table.'' But Anna wasn't listening - she was still staring at John. He was wearing a brand new black tux and my god - he looked absolutely, 100% gorgeous. He had some gel in his hair, but one small lock had fallen onto his forehead just moments ago when he'd sat down. He looked like a proper gentlemen. Oh, what the heck, he looked like a fricking James Bond - dangerous, sexy, charming!

''Anna?'' Mary's voice finally brought her back.

''Yes?''

Mary eyes travelled from her face to John's, and she could see the sparks jumping from one side of the table to the other. ''Never mind.''

 **xXx**

The Crawleys had once again proven that they were the best at everything they did. The ball was a huge success. People were drinking, laughing, and most importantly donating a lot of money.

The table chatted happily the whole evening. Anna and John both tried to focus on the conversation, but their eyes secretly travelled to each other at every opportunity. Who is this guy? John wondered, looking at the tall, handsome, younger man sitting next to Anna, all the while pretending he was listening to what Matthew had to say.

''So, this is the guy, hmm?'' Thomas leaned toward Anna.

''Yes.'' Anna smiled at him. ''What do you think?''

''Well, he is a little old, but cute, I guess,'' Thomas snorted, drinking his whisky.

Anna chuckled. ''I didn't mean that. What do you think about this, us? Is it working?''

''Well, by the way he's been staring at me on and off for the last half hour, I think we've struck a nerve.''

''You think so?'' Anna grinned. She had felt John's eyes on her through the whole meal. They hadn't talked much, just a quick hello and that was it. The table was too big for them to have a proper conversation, plus they hadn't had the time to stand up with all the food on the table.

''Anna, I'm gay, so I should know how to read a man, especially a jealous one.''

''Thank you for coming with me, Thomas,'' Anna said, and covered his hand with hers. It was really just a friendly gesture, but John had certainly noticed it.

''Forget about it. Who could turn down such an offer? Drink and food on the house!'' He chuckled. ''I just hope it will work.''

''Me, too,'' Anna replied, as music started to fill the room.

Robert and Cora were the first ones to open the dance floor, and the others soon followed.

The only ones still sitting at the table were Anna, Thomas, John, and Phyllis. John tried not to stare at Anna, but he couldn't help himself. She was so lovely, and he wanted her to be his and only his. But he was the one who had invited another woman without asking her first, so he really didn't have any right to be upset with her for bringing someone else. Well, at least he should stand up and go talk to her; they were friends, after all. He quickly emptied his glass. Standing up, he stopped to button his jacket, but when he looked up he could see Thomas already offering her his hand to escort her onto the dance floor.

Anna rose from her chair, revealing the clean silhouette of her snowy white gown, which clung to her curves and then dropped just below her hips, draping fluidly to the floor. She smiled at Thomas, then accompanied him to the dance floor. John couldn't pull his eyes away from her retreating figure. If the front of her gown was beautiful, the back was stunning, with its gem-studded straps and an open back, which revealed more of her creamy skin than he'd ever been privileged to see.

She was breathtaking. Oh, what a fool he was!

''Shit,'' he whispered under his breath.

''Sorry?'' Phyllis asked, looking at him.

''Nothing. Shall we?'' he asked quickly, and offered her his hand.

John did his best to navigate the dance floor, trying to be as close to Anna and her partner as possible. It was a slow dance, which gave him the opportunity to observe them, and he had to admit to himself that he didn't like what he was seeing. Thomas's hand was resting on the small of her back, and he was holding her a little too close for John's liking. When she laughed at his jokes, he could feel something move inside of him. He was jealous - jealous of a man half his age, a man who had his hands around Anna - _his_ Anna. It was too much. He quickly excused himself, leaving Phyllis standing in the middle of the crowded floor. He needed air. He took his coat and stepped out onto the balcony. His shaky hand reached into his inner pocket and before he knew it, he'd lit himself a cigarette. He knew he didn't have any right to feel the way he was feeling; he and Anna weren't together. But he was mad at himself, mad at having screwed everything up between them, first by not asking her to the ball, and then by not telling her about Phyllis. He was nervously playing with the cigarette when the door behind him opened. Turning, he saw Phyllis approaching him.

''Are you all right?'' she asked, pulling her shawl closer around her shoulders.

''Yeah, I just needed some air. I'm sorry.'' He smiled at her weakly and took another puff.

''She is the one, isn't she?'' Phyllis smiled, after a pause.

''What do you mean?'' He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

''John,'' she chuckled, ''In the two weeks since we started seeing each other, you have never tried anything with me other than a quick goodnight kiss. And at first I thought there was something wrong with me, but after seeing your face when you saw her today…you like her, don't you? Maybe even more than that.''

''Phyllis…''

''It's all right, really. At least I know the reason for your brooding.'' She laughed.

''I never wanted to lead you on. You are wonderful. It's just that…''

''I know, and it's all right, believe me.'' She leaned on the railing next to him. ''She likes you, too, you know?''

John turned to look at her and smiled. ''You think so?''

''I know so.'' She nudged him in the side. ''And you don't have to worry about her date.''

''Oh? Why not? She seems to enjoy his company, and he's definitely younger and better looking than I am, so who would say no to a man like him...?''

''Well, I don't know about that, but I'm pretty sure he would say no to her.''

''What?'' John made a face. ''Sorry, but did you see her? She is…''

Phyllis cut him off. "…a woman.''

''Yes, she is THE woman. I mean, she…'' He took a deep breath. ''...she is the best.''

''Yes, but she's still a woman.''

''What are you talking about?'' He stared at her.

''Thomas is gay, John. I know his father. My family is friends with his family.''

''He's gay?'' John's eyes almost popped out of his head.

''Yes.'' She couldn't help but laugh, and he quickly joined in. ''So, are you going to go get your girl?''

''But what about you?'' He felt bad at the thought of abandoning her like that.

''Don't worry about me. I was just introduced to a rather fine-looking gentleman right before I followed you out here.''

''Oh, really? Should I be jealous?'' he joked, so glad she wasn't angry with him.

''His name is Joe Molesely, and he asked me to dance with him.''

''Joe, hmm?'' John smiled, remembering Anna telling him about Joe and his dinners.

''Yes. So, friends?'' She offered him her hand.

''Friends.'' He shook her hand.

"May I have quick goodbye kiss before we go in?'' she teased.

''Miss Baxter, yes, you can.'' He chuckled, and was leaning toward her, giving her an innocent peck on the lips, when the door behind them opened. Their faces turned toward the door, and John froze. It was Anna, and the look on her face broke his heart.

After John had disappeared from the dance floor, she had decided to go look for him. When she opened the door and saw him kissing Phyllis, something had clicked inside of her. It was just too much. She had thought she would be able to look at him with another woman in his arms, but no, she just couldn't do it. She needed to get out of there.

''Anna...'' John began, but she was already gone.

John turned to Phyllis. ''I need...''

''Just go, John, run after her!'' she urged, and gave him an encouraging push on the shoulder. ''Good luck!'' she called after him.

John ran after Anna through the crowded ballroom, but she was nowhere to be seen. His eyes quickly scanned the hall, too, but it was empty. He ran to the ladies room and opened the door, calling her name like a mad man, but the only response he got was screams from the ladies inside, calling him all kinds of names. He turned around and bumped into Mary, who was headed into the loo.

''John, what are you doing?'' She looked at him in shock.

He grabbed her by the shoulders. ''Have you seen Anna?"

''Yeah, why? What happened? She just left.''

John didn't answer; he just let go of her and ran to the entrance, hoping he would still be able to catch her. ''Shit, shit, shit!'' he said to himself when he reached the empty sidewalk in front of the building.

''Sir, can I help you?'' an older valet asked him.

John turned to him. ''Did you see a petite blonde come out of the building a few moments ago?''

''You mean her?'' He pointed to the left.

John turned around and he could see her standing partway down the block, desperately looking for a taxi. ''YES! Thank you!'' He started to run toward her. ''ANNA!'' he shouted, and saw her look in his direction.

''Anna!'' he tried again, but she had managed to get herself a cab before he reached her. ''Anna, wait!'' but she had already closed the door and the taxi was pulling away.

''Fuck!' he yelled, and stepped into the middle of the road in the path of a passing cab, which screeched to a halt.

''What the fuck, man?! I could've hit you!'' the driver yelled at him through the window. John pulled open the door and got in. ''What are you doing?!'' the driver shouted.

''Just follow that cab!'' John pointed to Anna's taxi.

''Look, I don't know what you're doing, but I'm on a break now, so…''

''Here!'' John emptied his wallet and tossed 80 pounds onto the seat next to the driver. ''Just drive!''

''OK!'' The man took the money, and the cab quickly pulled away.

The ride was short, but when they caught up to Anna, she was already getting out of the car.

''Anna!'' He jumped out of the cab and ran toward her.

''Mr. Bates?'' She looked at him in surprise. ''Just go home!'' Her eyes fell, and she started to walk toward her flat.

''Anna!''

''What?!'' The sharpness of her tone surprised even her. She stopped walking, but kept her back to him.

''Please - we need to talk.''

''Talk about what?'' she said, still not looking back.

''Us!''

''There is no 'us.' You work for me, and that's it,'' she lied.

''You know that's not the truth!''

''Just go back to your date!'' she shouted, closing her eyes which by now were full of tears. She started walking toward the building again.

''Anna!'' he called her name for what felt like the hundredth time in the last half hour. "Can't you just stop for a second!?"

'What?!'' Anna cried, finally turning around to face him. She wanted to be alone; she needed to think about everything that had happened. She'd thought she was sweet on him, but after seeing their kiss, she knew. She liked him. She liked him more than she could have ever imagined.

''I'm sorry, all right? I'm really sorry. I thought you didn't care for me! What you saw earlier between Phyllis and me was a completely innocent goodbye kiss. She broke up with me, because she could see in my eyes that my heart belonged to someone else. And she was right! For the last few months, you have been the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I've spent 4 months doing all sorts of little things, hoping - no, praying - that you would notice that I liked you as more than just my boss or a friend. But you didn't do or say anything to show that you noticed me beyond my being your nanny. So when Phyllis invited me for coffee, I thought why not? She's a great person, but you have to believe me that nothing ever really happened between her and me. Every time I even thought about it, my mind went to you!'' He took a quick breath. ''If Gracie hadn't interrupted us, I would have kissed you the night Green showed up. And I know my private life is a complete mess, and I know I've probably fucked everything up by bringing someone else to the ball, and I know you are out of my league, but if there's any chance at all that you like me and want to be with me, please...we need to talk.'' He finally concluded his speech and lowered his flailing hands.

Anna just stared at him. She didn't know what to say. Her head was spinning, and John was staring back at her, his eyes full of love and fear and hope, waiting for her to say something. When the silence stretched on and was becoming too much for him to handle, he finally whispered, ''Anna…''

But she cut him off before he could say anything else. ''Mr. Bates…you're fired.''

* * *

 **my awesome betas: annambates and her daughter :) thank you very much!**

 **I love you guys :) thank you very, very much for all the F &R&F&PM :) + guest reviewers - you are awesome too :) :) :) **


	8. Prvi poljub

**Chapter VIII**

Fired? John's world stood still when the words left her mouth. He couldn't believe he was hearing right. He stood facing her, not knowing what to say, and the only thing he could feel was his heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. Had he lost her before he'd even had a chance of having her?

''What?'' he finally managed to whisper.

''You heard me. You're fired,'' she repeated calmly and took a step closer to him.

''But…why?'' Was that possibly the hint of a smirk he could see on her face?

''So I can do this!'' Anna said, and before he realized what was happening, her hands had locked around his neck and her lips were on his. What the hell is going on here, he thought fleetingly, while instinctively grabbing her hips and bringing her even closer to him. But when her tip of her tongue pleaded for him to open up for her, he forgot about everything and fearlessly granted her demand.

My god, he tasted so good, even better than she could have ever imagined, and the smell of his cologne was making her dizzy in the best possible way. Even though she was wearing high heels, she still had to stand on her tiptoes to reach him, and she was glad his strong hands were around her to keep her from falling over. She didn't know it, but he almost lost it when he felt her gasp into his mouth. John backed her up against the freezing brick wall behind them, but she didn't feel the cold. She was on fire!

His hand gently cupped her face and he deepened the kiss more, if that was even possible. He didn't want to leave her soft, warm lips, and the thought of letting go of her made him feel ill. No matter what happened next, at that moment she was his and he was hers!

They were making out in front of her house like two hormonal teenagers. It felt so good, so right, and so natural to be in each other's arms, holding, caressing, and kissing each other until they finally ran out of breath.

''You are so beautiful,'' he said breathlessly, touching his forehead to hers. ''And not only tonight," he added, with his eyes still closed. "You look beautiful every single day.''

''You look pretty damn good, too,'' he heard her say, and he could sense that she was smiling at him. ''Even better with my lipstick,'' she joked, wiping her lipstick off of him with her right thumb. The touch made John finally open his eyes, and he could see her lips swollen from the kissing, her eyes full of joy, and somehow she looked even more gorgeous than she had a few minutes ago.

''Anna…'' he smiled, not letting go of her.

''Yes?''

''Why did you kiss me?'' he asked, looking her directly into her ocean-blue eyes, scanning for some kind of regret there, but there wasn't any.

''Well, I couldn't keep staring at your mouth any longer, without knowing how it tasted,'' she teased.

''And how does it taste?'' he chuckled at her response.

''Well, I think I need another go to tell you that.'' She slowly placed her right hand on his cheek and when their lips were about to meet for the second time, a loud knock on the window made them jump. Anna turned around and she could see her father's face pressed against the glass, pointing to his wristwatch. The moment was gone.

''Oh my god, I can't believe it!'' she said, covering her face. She was _so_ embarrassed. ''I'm so sorry.''

''It's all right,'' John chuckled, although if truth be told, he felt a little frustrated.

''No, it's not. What is he doing downstairs at this time of night anyway?''

''He must have heard our raised voices,'' he guessed, trying to calm her down.

''I'm coooming!'' Anna hissed toward the window, when she heard another set of knocks behind her.

John laughed at her angry face. ''So, I can assume the girl likes the boy?'' he grinned, in an attempt to change her mood.

She looked at him and started to laugh. ''The girl definitely likes the boy.'' She was so mad at her dad. She knew he meant well by keeping an eye on her, after the whole Paul episode, but she was 28 years old - an independent woman - and right now he was ruining THE moment she had been dreaming about for the last four months. ''But we do need to talk.''

''I know.'' John exhaled. There were things they needed to talk about before anything real could happen between them. But at least now they knew they liked one another as more than just friends. ''Give me a call when you can, all right?'' He knew she was going to be busy in the next few days; her parents were there and he was aware that she had made plans with them for the holidays.

''I will.'' She smiled at him. ''I need to go now.''

''Yes, sorry,'' he said finally, and let go of her as slowly as possible. ''Good night, Anna.''

''Good night.'' She smiled back at him and disappeared into the house, leaving him standing in front, staring at the door and feeling all kind of emotions, but most of all he was happy, and very glad he had run after her.

 **xXx**

''Dad? What was that about?'' Anna asked, locking the door behind her and looking at him angrily.

''Anna…I don't...I just...''

''What?'' She crossed her arms, and he was more than aware of the gesture and the look on his daughter's face. At times like this, she was the spitting image of her mother.

''I woke up, hearing him yelling at you, and I just…'' he started to explain. ''…I don't know.''

''You thought the worst.'' She could see he felt bad about the whole thing. ''Dad, I already told you, he is not Paul. He is completely the opposite. He makes me feel safe when I'm around him. And I know you don't like or trust him, but you like and trust me, so I hope that's reason enough for you to relax.'' She walked toward him. ''And stop ruining my first kisses!'' she added in a light tone. Since she was a young girl, he had always kept an eye on boys who took her on a date and tried to kiss her on the front porch after walking her home. Until John, none had been lucky enough to have succeeded.

George chuckled and hugged her. ''I'm sorry, honey.'' He kissed the top of her head.

''It's all right, Dad, but promise me you'll give him a chance. He's a good guy, and he is the first one since Paul who has made me feel complete.''

''I promise,'' he stated simply, and prayed he could keep it.

''Thank you.'' She looked up and smiled at him. She really needed him to understand that John was the good guy in all of it.

''You should ask him to join us tomorrow,'' he made himself say. No matter what he really thought of the man, his daughter's happiness was first on his list. Plus the talk he'd had with his wife a couple of hours ago was forcing him to give the man a chance.

''What? You mean, ask him to join us for Christmas lunch?'' Anna smiled widely at her father, not quiet believing what she was hearing.

''Yes. If he means that much to you and Gracie, I think your mother and I should meet him properly.''

''Dad, don't you think it's a little too soon to 'meet the parents'?'' she joked.

''Maybe it is, but we are leaving town in three days, and I don't know when I'll next get the chance to have a little chat with him. He said his goodbyes rather quickly the other night.''

''Of course he did! You were staring at him like mad man,'' she tapped him on the shoulder. ''And we are not officially together; I need to talk to Gracie before anything real happens between us.''

''Well, by the way he was kissing you a couple of minutes ago, I think he thinks he is already married to you.''

''My god, DAD!'' She covered her face with her hands, realizing he'd seen everything.

''Come on, let's go to bed.'' George laughed at her and pulled her toward the stairs.

When she changed to her PJ's, she sat on her bed and texted John, saying he was more than welcome to come by her place for Christmas lunch. She knew it was possible that he might decline, considering her parents were there, but her worries quickly disappeared when she received his answer. _''Meeting the parents already? ;) I wouldn't miss it for the world. :D ***''_ Anna tossed the phone onto the pillow next to her and, for the very first time since Paul, felt that everything was going to be all right.

 **xXx**

John was standing nervously in front of her house, trying to smooth an errant lock of hair back in place. He hadn't expected to get her text inviting him to lunch with her parents, and when he'd read it, he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to face her father so soon. But on the other hand, he knew Anna loved her parents, and if they were going to be together he needed to make sure they both understood that he was there to make their daughter and granddaughter happy. So here he was. He knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to open it.

''Merry Christmas!'' Gracie squealed at him and hugged his legs, causing him to wobble in place a little.

''Merry Christmas to you, too!'' John laughed. She really was one of the happiest children on the planet. He tried to hug her back, but his hands were full of bags.

''Mr. Bates, you're here!'' Alice appeared at the door.

''Mrs. Smith...'' John smiled at her and nodded his head. ''Merry Christmas!''

''Merry Christmas! Please come in. Gracie, let go of the man.'' She chuckled, and the little girl let go of him and ran inside, madly shouting, ''John's here!'' Both of the adults watched her, laughing, and Alice stepped back to allow him to enter.

''We were so happy when Anna said you were joining us,'' Alice smiled, taking the bags from his hands, while he took his coat off.

''Well, it was a surprise, to be honest.'' John chuckled, ''I wasn't expecting to be invited, considering she had already made plans with you.'' He liked the woman; she had been kind to him without really knowing him. And he could see where Anna's looks and intelligence had come from.

''We weren't expecting you to be...ummm...what are you exactly?'' she laughed. ''Gracie's nanny or Anna's boyfriend?'' she teased. She could see what her daughter saw in him. He was tall, dark, with very good manners, and with a charm that could make any woman's knees buckle.

John could feel his cheeks getting hot. He didn't know how much Anna had told her parents about the two of them, but from the look on her mother's face, he was pretty sure she knew something was going on between them. And her husband had seen them making out in front the night before. ''I'm not sure about that, I mean…we haven't talked…or...'' he babbled, as Alice started to laugh.

''Mr. Bates, it's all right. Come with me.'' Alice started to walk toward the kitchen, when Anna appeared at the kitchen door.

''Hi,'' she said, and looked at him.

''Hello.'' He completely forgot that Alice was still in the hall with them.

''I'll just pop into the kitchen then,'' Alice excused herself, grinning.

''You've come,'' Anna said, smiling and taking a step closer to him.

''I've come. Merry Christmas.'' He smiled back.

''Merry Christmas to you, too. How are you?''

''Better, now that I'm here. And scared when I think about meeting your father.''

''Don't worry. He's not as bad as he looks. Plus my mum likes you, so you have all the Smith women on your side.''

''Thank god for that,'' he chuckled, feeling a little more relaxed after hearing this. ''You look nice.'' She was wearing black skinny jeans and a white jumper. Her hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail and for some reason she was glowing; he hoped the reason was him.

''Well, thank you, kind sir.'' She took another step toward him. She was now standing just a few inches away from him and the closeness of her body made his hands itch. ''And thank you for coming. I know that the whole situation is a little weird. I mean, we haven't talked about us yet, and here you are, having Christmas lunch with my parents.'' She took his hand in hers.

''So there is an us?'' He smiled, hearing her say that.

''We'll see,'' she teased, smiling back. They stared at each other for a moment without saying a word, and just as he was about to say something, they heard heavy steps coming down the stairs. John let go of Anna's hand, and they both turned to face George.

''Mr. Smith...'' John coughed. ''Merry Christmas!'' He offered the older man his hand.

''Merry Christmas,'' George responded and looked down at his hand. He could feel his daughter's eyes on him, begging him to shake John's hand, and finally he did. ''Shall we?'' he politely added and walked to the dining room, leaving Anna and John standing in the middle of the hall.

''Well, at least he is trying to like you,'' Anna murmured, and started to giggle.

''Yes…at least he is trying to like me,'' he mimicked, and followed her into the dining room.

The lunch went better then John had imagined it would. He was seated between Alice and Gracie, and the little girl chattered happily, making the grownups laugh at loud at her comments and little stories. Alice was just as he had imagined - funny, polite, and kind. He knew he should care what her father thought of him, but for some reason Alice and Anna helped him to relax and enjoy the company.

George was a little quieter. He ate and enjoyed the small talk, but he mainly focused on John - the way he talked, moved, smiled, laughed, and stared at Anna. And after a while he had to admit to himself that maybe, just maybe, John was all right, but he wasn't prepared to say that out loud or ever admit it to his girls. He was still the man in the Smith family, and his job was to protect his blood. He sure had screwed up with Paul, and he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

''George, dear?'' his wife's voice brought him back from his thoughts.

''What?'' he looked at her.

''Are you all right? We were talking about taking a short walk in the park after lunch. Gracie wants to make a snowman,'' Alice repeated, covering his hand with hers.

''Yeah, sure,'' he smiled and patted her hand.

''Is John coming with us?'' Gracie asked, setting her fork down on her empty plate.

''Well, I don't know about…'' John started, when Alice cut him off. ''Of course he's coming, aren't you?'' She smiled at him.

''OK, yeah, sure,'' he replied, smiling. He couldn't believe it - she was in his corner without even knowing him, and that made him feel very thankful.

''Right. Come, young lady! We need to change your shirt before we go out,'' Alice said, and took Gracie's hand. ''George, I think we'll need your help.''

''My help? What are you talking about? She's almost 7! I'm sure she can…''

''George.'' She called him again more sharply, making him realize they needed to leave so John and Anna could be alone for a moment.

''Yes, dear. I'm coming.'' He followed her upstairs, leaving Anna and John alone at the table.

The moment they were gone, Anna started to laugh. ''Well, that went smoothly.''

''Yes, I think your mother wants us to be together even more than we do,'' he joked, standing up and starting to clear the table.

''You don't have to do that. You're our guest.'' She stood up and started to help him.

''I want to,'' he said, and followed her into the kitchen. ''I wash, you dry?''

''Just like always,'' she smiled.

George went downstairs again as soon as he could. He didn't want them to be alone for too long. When he went into the dining room, the table was already clean and they were nowhere to be seen. Where were they? he thought to himself and soon after, he heard Anna's laughter coming from the kitchen. He opened the door quietly and there they were, standing by the kitchen sink, laughing at each other, Anna's nose all covered in soap suds, she playfully hitting him with a towel.

''Anything interesting?'' His wife's voice made him jump.

He turned around and saw his wife grinning at him. ''Alice, what the hell! I almost had a heart attack with you sneaking up on me like that!''

''You like him, don't you?''

''No,'' he quickly retorted.

''Yes, you do. He seems wonderful. And I'm very, very pleased that you are behaving.'' She gave him a peck on the lips. ''Continue like that and maybe, just maybe, you'll get lucky tonight.'' She winked at him and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving George standing at the door with his mouth wide open.

 **xXx**

''John, look! I found some rocks for the buttons!'' Gracie yelled.

''Great! Bring them here when you're done,'' John called back, adding the last details to the snowman they'd made.

The park was almost empty. A few people were slowly strolling around, some having a coffee or tea in the park cafe, and enjoying a beautiful, calm Christmas afternoon. Gracie had immediately pulled John along with her to help her build the snowman, leaving the Smiths sitting at the table, enjoying their hot tea.

''Nice work,'' a voice materialized behind John, making him turn around. It was George approaching him.

''Yes, the little one is quite an artist,'' John responded politely, standing up.

''Yeah, I know - she used to draw me a picture almost every day when they were back in York,'' George replied, with a hint of melancholy.

''You must miss them a great deal...'' John could understand; he'd only known them for four months, but every weekend was complete torture not seeing them. ''But I can assure you, they are both fine.''

''Can you?'' George's voice hardened, and he looked John directly in the eye.

''Yes,'' John firmly responded. ''Mr. Smith, I don't what Anna's told you about me…''

''That's the thing, you see, she hadn't said a word. My wife and I didn't even know you existed until you opened her door a few days ago.''

''What? She never told you she'd hired a nanny?''

''She did, but she did _not_ tell us that her nanny was a man. So you can imagine how surprised I was when I woke up in the middle of the night to find my only daughter making out in front of the flat…with her nanny.''

''Well, about that…''

''Look, Mr. Bates…I don't care if you earn your living doing a lady's job, I don't care what you do in your free time, I don't even care about you as person...'' he lied. ''The only thing I care about are my girls. And I don't know how much Anna's told you about Gracie's father, but…''

''She told me everything,'' John interrupted, before making sure Gracie was still far enough away not to hear them.

''Good. So you can understand where I'm coming from.'' George took a step closer to him. ''I don't like you, John Bates. I didn't like you from the moment you opened the door last week. So what is your story? I mean, there must be a story, right? A middle aged man, taking care of a small child, fooling around with a beautiful, young girl like my Anna.''

''I'm sorry to disappoint you, but there is no story.''

''No? I mean, I can see Gracie and Anna like you. What the hell, even my own wife likes you. But I don't, and I'm going to keep an eye on you, do you understand me? And if I _ever_ find out you did anything bad to them, I'm going to find you and beat the shit out of you,'' he seethed.

''I'm not Paul, Mr. Smith.''

''Don't you dare mention that man's name in front of me!" George shouted at him. "Do you understand me? Never!''

''You don't have to yell at me! I'm not going to seduce Anna and just throw her away! I wouldn't do that to her or to Gracie. You don't know anything about me, and still you are standing here, accusing me of being the same as him!'' He steeled himself to continue. ''When she told me about Paul, about what he did when she told him she was pregnant, all I wanted was to go look for the bastard! Sure, I have my own problems, but I will do everything in my power to make sure Anna and Gracie are both safe and happy. And you know why? Because that's what you do for the people you love! You don't just leave a child and a mother behind, no matter how hard it is! You stay, you get yourself some help, and you try to do your best!'' John finally exhaled, but he had to admit to himself that he was talking more about his own father, rather than Paul, in the last sentence.

George just stared at him coldly, not saying a word. Maybe he'd been wrong about him all along. ''We'll see,'' he finally said, and walked away, leaving John staring after him with tears in his eyes.

 **xXx**

''Are you OK?'' Anna asked John when they returned back to hers.

''Yes.'' He gave her a weak smile. ''Your father had a little talk with me.''

''What?'' Anna frowned. ''What did he say?''

''He just wanted to make sure I know I'll be a dead man if I ever hurt you two.'' He didn't want lie, not to her.

''What?!'' Anna fumed. ''I'm going to talk to him.'' She turned around and started to walk inside to find her father.

''No, no, Anna. It's all right, believe me.'' He laughed and pulled her by the hand. ''Listen, he didn't mean it, or maybe he did, I don't know. All I know is that he just wanted me to know he cares.''

''Are you sure? Because I will gladly talk to him.'' She had to admit to herself that she was more than a little angry with her father. He had promised her he would be nice.

''I'm sure. Please don't mention anything to him, all right?'' He gave her a reassuring smile. ''I need to go now. I promised Robert I'd stop by his place before heading home.''

''All right. Thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me.''

''Any time. Before I go, I was thinking about New Year's Eve...'''

''Yes? What about it?'' She eyed him.

''Well, would you like to come over to my place? And Gracie, too, of course?'' he asked shyly, making her heart sing. ''I could cook and we can finally talk about this, about us. I need to tell you about me, about my past.''

''Nothing bad, I hope,'' she smiled.

''Yes and no,'' he chuckled. ''So what do you think?''

''I think it's a date.''

 **xXx**

''Hi, Cora.'' John kissed her cheek as he greeted her.

''John, how nice to see you. How are you?''

''I'm good. Sorry for bothering you on Christmas Day, but is Robert home?'' Cora and Robert were on their own this Christmas. Tom and Sybil had gone to Ireland, Mary and Matthew were with his family, and Edith had decided to spend the Christmas in the company of her new friend, Bertie.

''Don't be silly! You could never bother us. Please come in,'' she said and let him in. ''Robert! John is here.'' He didn't answer. "He must be reading his notes again, you know him and his work. He's in his study; just go on in.''

''Third door on the left, right?'' John asked. Since Vera had left him, he hadn't been around much; he'd had too much on his mind. He'd had to find a new flat, a new job. Too much had happened in a short period of time.

''Yes, third door on the left.'' Cora smiled. It was good to see him after so much time. Sure, she'd seen him at the ball, but they hadn't really had time to talk. When she had met John Bates many years ago, she hadn't really liked him. He'd seemed cocky, a real ladies' man, but he was her boyfriend's best friend and she'd had to try to find a way to like him. Until one evening, when she had found him on the stairs of their old flat. He'd been drunk and in tears, saying he needed to talk with Robert about his father. She couldn't understand a word; she didn't know what had happened to him and his mother back in Ireland. When she had taken him inside and had offered him some coffee, he had started to talk. And for the first time, she had understood why he was the way he was.

''Tea?'' she asked.

''Yes, please.'' He smiled and walked toward Robert's study. When Robert didn't respond to his light knock, he tried again.

''Cora, how many time must I tell you, do not bother me when I'm working!'' Robert called.

''It's me,'' John said, popping his head into the room.

''Bates!'' Robert jumped up from his chair. ''Please sit down. Thanks for stopping by! You left the ball without saying so much as goodbye.'' He shook John's hand and grinned at his friend, knowing exactly why he had left the party in such a hurry.

''Well, I needed to…''

'Yes, yes, we saw.'' Robert chuckled and gestured to him to sit down.

''Saw what?'' John asked, taking a seat.

''You running after that girl of yours.'' He laughed. ''But what did Phyllis have to say about the whole thing?''

''She was the one who pushed me to go after her,'' John smiled at the memory.

''So, you two hadn't...you know...?'' Robert raised his eyebrows.

''No, we hadn't. Thank god for that. I mean, don't get me wrong - Phyllis is lovely and all, but she's not An…''

''Anna, yes, I've got it. So you two...hmmm. Is it serious?''

''I don't know, we need to talk first. We definitely like each other, but there is some stuff I need to tell her about, especially Vera,'' John sighed.

''Ohhh, so the papers still haven't come?''

''Robert, you are my lawyer, so you know they haven't, and I don't even know where she is. I haven't heard from her since the day she left me.''

''Does Anna know?''

''I've mentioned to her about being married, but nothing specific. You see, I need your help.''

''Let me guess, you want me to find Vera, right?''

''Yes, I need to find her and I need those divorce papers before anything serious happens between Anna and me. I like her, I really, really like her, and I need to get rid of Vera for good. Anna has been through enough already, and if anything serious might happen between us, I think she deserves a clean start.''

''I see,'' Robert said, smiling at his friend.

''So I don't care what it costs or what it takes. I need to get this divorce finalized.''

''OK, I'll make some calls and let you know.''

''Thank you,'' John replied. He was really glad he had Robert for a friend; they had been through a lot since they'd met all those years ago.

''So how did the lunch go?'' Robert closed his files and focused on his friend.

''Well, let me tell you, her father is one piece of work...'' John began, and grinned.

* * *

 **I LOVE MY BETA: annambates! *** thanks!**

 **a guest asked about Anna's dress in chapter 7, it's Jo's dress from BAFTA celebrates Downton Abbey :D**

 **\+ May your Christmat be filled with lots of happiness, peace and love...and lots of presents! :D**


	9. Srečno novo leto

**Chapter IX.**

New Year's Eve had come around quickly. John was checking around the flat one last time. He really wanted everything to be perfect. Dinner was in the oven, the place was beautifully decorated, and there was even a big Christmas tree in the living room. A few small cinnamon-apple candles were lit around the house, and a crackling fire could be heard from the living room. John was humming along with the song on the stereo when the doorbell rang.

''Just a second!'' he called, and walked toward the front door, taking his apron off. He checked himself in the mirror for the last time and opened the door. ''Hello!'' he greeted them happily.

''Jooohn!'' Gracie squealed. She was holding Olaf under her arm and had a small backpack on her back. ''I brought my PJ's with me!'' John lived almost an hour's drive away from Anna's place, so he had offered to have them spend the night in the guest room.

''I can see that you brought your things,'' he smiled, kneeling briefly to give her a hug. ''Why don't you put everything in the living room for now? And be sure to look under the tree when you're there.'' He winked at her. She smiled back and ran past him. John's eyes followed her until she disappeared into the living room, and then he finally turned his attention to Anna, who was still standing quietly by the door. ''Hi!''

''Hi! You shouldn't have bought her another present. You already gave her one,'' she answered softly, and took a step closer to him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. John's hands itched to grab her by the waist and bring her body closer to his, but she quickly and playfully asked, ''Can I come in?''

''Yes, yes, sorry. Please come in.'' He stepped aside, letting her enter the flat. ''And you know that little one deserved one more present. She's an angel,'' he smiled.

''Maybe you're right, but still... Mmm...something smells nice.''

''Yes, it does,'' he whispered, and she could feel him standing right behind her with his head close to hers. ''Can I take your coat?''

''Yeah, sure,'' she replied, and started to unbutton it. He helped her with her coat and hung it in the hall closet.

After checking their dinner, he poured her a glass of wine and gave her a tour of his small flat. ''This is it, this is my grand house,'' he joked, when they ended their tour in the kitchen.

''I like it; it suits you,'' she smiled.

''Well, thank you, I guess?' he laughed, and took the dinner out of the oven. ''Did your parents have a safe trip back to York?''

''Yes, they did. Thank you for asking. And I think I owe you an apology.'' She placed her glass on the counter and sat down.

''What do you mean?''

''My father.''

''Hey, I already told you - it's OK. Let's just forget about your parents for tonight, all right? I just want to spend some time with you two.''

''All right.''

''Come on, dinner is ready,'' he said, and turned the oven off.

''Gracie, dinner's ready!'' Anna called her.

''Coming!'' She was still sitting on the floor of the living room, trying to figure out her new Frozen-themed puzzle, one of the presents John had given her.

They spent their dinner listening to Gracie talk about everything. She hadn't seen John for some days and she really wanted him to know what she'd been doing while he was away. They were eating dessert when she finally seemed tired of talking. ''Can I finish my puzzle?''

''Sure, honey. Just wash your hands before you do,'' Anna said, setting an empty panna cotta glass on the table. The little girl just looked around her, as if she was looking for something. ''Is something wrong, Gracie?''

''I don't know where the bathroom is,'' she stated simply.

''Oh, I'm sorry. Come on, I'll show you.'' John stood up, smiling, and gestured to her to go on down the hall.

When he came back a few minutes later, he found Anna by the sink, her back to him, doing the washing up. She hadn't heard him return, and he took a moment to look at her. She was wearing a simple black dress, which ended just a few inches above her knees. His eyes travelled slowly down her body, and he had to admit to himself that she really had the most perfect pair of legs. She wasn't tall - she barely reached his shoulder - but to him, she was absolutely perfect. He slowly and quietly stepped toward her and he could hear her humming a melody he didn't know. She didn't hear him approaching; she was too focused on the dishes. And when he gently slipped his arms around her waist from behind, his touch made her jump.

''You shouldn't be doing my job,'' he said softly into her ear.

''I know, but you always cook for us, and I always feel guilty for not doing anything,'' she answered, leaning back into him.

''But you are my guest,'' he whispered, nuzzling his nose into her hair. She smelt so good, like lavender and honey.

''And you were mine just a few days ago, but that didn't stop you, remember?'' she joked back, and she could hear him chuckle. But he didn't say anything. His lips drifted from her hair, down her neck, finally reaching her bare shoulder, and he started to leave small, long, open-mouthed kisses there. She let go of the plate she was holding and tilted her head to give him more space to continue what he had started. This was their first intimate touch since the night they had shared their first kiss. John could feel her body melting into his, and that gave him the courage to tighten his hold around her. ''Mr. Bates...'' she whispered. It felt so good to feel a man's lips on her body; it had been too long, far too long.

''Yes?'' he asked in a low voice.

''Umm…'' She didn't know what she really wanted from him.

''Should I stop?'' he teased, when he sensed she was enjoying this as much as he was.

She turned around to face him and looked up into his eyes. ''Don't you dare.'' And before he could respond, her lips were on his, and her hands travelled eagerly from his chest to his face. Her hands were still wet from the dishes, but he didn't care. She felt warm against him, and it didn't take long for him to deepen the kiss. She gladly opened to him, and their tongues started to move in perfect harmony. It felt so right, and when his left hand cupped her behind and brought her closer, her body reminded her how good it felt to be held by someone.

''Mr. Bates?'' she said, out of breath, when they finally ended the kiss. Her hands were now resting around his neck and she could feel the heat on her cheeks. The man could kiss!

''Anna?'' He looked down and he could see that her eyes were still closed.

''Is this really happening?'' she asked, finally looking up.

''What?''

''You, me. Your arms around me, your lips on mine.''

''I really hope so. But if I'm only dreaming, I need to tell you that I really don't want to wake up.''

''You'll think I'm being silly, but I've wanted to be in your arms from the moment I saw you standing in my kitchen, baking with Gracie,'' she admitted.

John chuckled. ''I've wanted you from the moment you closed the door on me...twice.''

''Oh my god.'' Her hands covered her face. ''I was so embarrassed.''

''You were cute.''

''Yeah, sure.'' She shook her head.

''And hot,'' he added. He gently nuzzled his nose against hers, and then lowered his lips onto hers. Anna stood on her tiptoes, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him closer to her.

''Is John your boyfriend?'' They jumped apart at the sound of the small voice. Gracie was standing by the door, staring at them.

Anna coughed before answering. ''Gracie dear, ummm, come here, please.''

The little girl approached her, and Anna picked her up and sat her on the kitchen counter. ''Would you mind if he was?'' she asked slowly, looking her in the eye.

Gracie first looked at her and then at John, who was standing next to Anna, nervously waiting for her to say something. ''Does that mean he's not going to be my nanny any more?'' Her face fell at the thought of no longer spending time with her favourite nanny.

''Well, you see, Gracie...'' Anna moved her gaze to John and then back to her daughter. ''If he is going to be Mummy's boyfriend, he can't be your nanny. But that doesn't mean he can't spend even more time with us. We can even spend the whole weekend together, if you wish.''

''You mean you can watch my morning cartoons with me?'' She turned and looked at John.

''Sure, I can.'' He smiled at her question. ''So what do you think, kiddo?''

They could both see that she was thinking about something. ''Sweetie?'' Anna asked, after a while.

''Are you going to marry my mummy and become my daddy?'' she asked innocently, shifting her gaze to John.

John and Anna looked at each other, not really knowing what to say. Deep down they both sensed that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, but it was too soon. It had been only a week ago when they had finally admitted out loud that they liked each other, and now the little blonde girl was already asking them about marriage.

''Well…'' John started, but Anna interrupted him. ''I think it's a little early to talk about marriage, Gracie. Mr. Bates must be Mummy's boyfriend for a while first.''

''All right, then,'' Gracie said, and with that the whole boyfriend topic was finished for her. She simply reached for Anna, who put her down on the floor again, and with that she disappeared back into the living room.

''Well, that's a relief,'' John chuckled, taking Anna's hand in his.

''I hadn't imagined she would find about us like that. But she seems happy about the situation, and I'll talk to her some more when we go home.'' She looked at him and smiled. ''But right now, don't you think we should join her in there, my handsome boyfriend?'' she asked, when he hugged her from behind, resting his head on her shoulder.

''My god, it's been ages since anybody has called me that,'' he joked, letting go of her. She turned around and faced him. ''I quite like the sound of it, to be honest!'' she said and bit her inner cheek.

''Say it again.''

Anna giggled. ''Come on, boyfriend, you promised me a present.'' She took his hand and pulled him into the living room.

 **xXx**

Gracie had dozed off around 11:25 p.m., while playing on the small couch in John's office. She had looked so peaceful there that neither Anna nor he had had the heart to move her, so John had gotten out a pillow and some extra blankets, and was now waiting patiently for Anna to come back from tucking her in. He was preparing himself to tell her about his past, his father, and Vera. He really wanted to tell her everything before the New Year began. He wanted a clean start with her - no lies, no secrets.

''I'm in here,'' he called from the living room, when he heard her walking into the kitchen.

''Hi, you! I wondered where you'd disappeared to.'' Anna smiled at him and he offered her his hand. She gladly took it, and he pulled her onto the couch to sit next to him.

''Here - I've made us some cocoa.'' He handed her a mug.

''Thank you.'' She took it from him. ''So, I guess we need to talk?''

''Yes. I think it's important that you know everything about my past before this year ends.''

''All right.'' She took her high heels off and pulled her legs onto the couch. ''Tell me.''

''I was 12 years old when my mum and I left Ireland and moved to London,'' he began.

''Oh, so _that's_ the reason your accent sounds different.'' She finally understood why he sometimes sounded a little bit...better, sexier...than other people who lived in London.

''It does?'' He furrowed his brow, then smiled at her.

''Yes, but in the best possible way.'' She looked up and she could feel him cover her hand with his.

''I hope so.'' He smiled. ''Now, let's see...where was I? My father wasn't the best father or husband in the world; he wasn't even good, for that matter. You see, he liked to drink a lot and when he did, my mum was his main target. She could take his sharp words, but sometimes he just lost it. He beat the crap out of her, for no reason at all. I was only a kid when he first slapped her, but I remember every word he said, every move he made.'' He stopped for a moment, and he could see her eyes were watery.

''The next day, when he'd sobered up, he would beg Mum for forgiveness, and she loved him so much that she always forgave him. But he never changed; it only got worse. And after some time I couldn't just watch and do nothing. So I fought back. He came home one night, drunk as always, and he started to throw vases around the house. She begged him to stop, but that didn't work; it never did. I was sleeping upstairs, but her screams and cries woke me up.'' He could feel Anna's body shifting even closer to his. ''I went downstairs, and kind of lost it when I saw my mother's face covered with blood. I was only 12, but I was already tall. I ran into him with all the force I could muster, and it wasn't that hard to knock him down onto the floor. He just laughed when he looked at me. He'd never loved me, not the way a father should love his son.'' At that, Anna thought about Paul. He hadn't been violent, but he'd never even met Gracie, had never loved her the way a father should.

John continued, ''I yelled at him, but all he did was laugh, and when he'd had enough, he stood up, grabbed me by the neck, and threw me to the other side of the room. I passed out and woke up later in hospital. He was gone, for good this time. The same day I got out of hospital, we packed everything and moved to London.

Anna placed her mug on the coffee table and stared at him. He could see a tear slipping down her cheek.

''Hey, hey - don't cry.'' He used his thumb to wipe it away. ''Come here.'' He put his arms around her and pulled her close.

''Is your mother all right?'' she sniffed, resting her head on his chest.

''She is. She never got a divorce; she didn't want to go looking for him. But she ended up meeting a man, and she's living with him in a small cottage in Scotland. She's happy, and I'm happy that she's happy.'' He started tracing small circles on her shoulder.

''How about your wife? Could you tell me something about her?''

''I can tell you anything you want me to. Her name is Vera, and I met her when I was about 20. I'm ashamed to admit it but...well, I was...how do I say this politely...I didn't mind being in the company of ladies when I was younger...'' he stuttered.

''Oh, really?'' Anna chuckled. She looked at him and really didn't have a hard time believing that he'd been one handsome devil when he was a young man.

''I'm not proud of myself, but I think that I was scared to get attached to anyone, afraid that if I stayed too long, I would turn into my father. But then I met Vera and she seemed to understand me, in a way. Her father had left her and her mum, too, so we thought we had something in common. So we got married.''

''Were you in love with her?''

''I think I was in love with the idea of her being the one for me. However, we quickly discovered that we were not good for each other. I wanted kids, she didn't. She grew nasty over the years, and she knew what to say to get a reaction from me. At some point, it got so hard that I started to see my father in me, and that's when I realized it was over for me.''

''Were…were you violent?'' she asked slowly, looking down. She was afraid she was pushing too far, but she had to know.

''No. Anna, I never laid a hand on her.'' He gently lifted her chin so he could look her in the eye. ''You have to believe me.'' He wasn't lying. He'd never touched Vera, not even when she'd yelled at him, screaming what a sad excuse for a man he was, and throwing furniture at him.

''I believe you,'' she reassured him. ''But why did she finally leave you?''

''I didn't know for sure, and I didn't really care. I mean, she said she'd met someone else and that was that. I was glad she was gone, and I didn't have any reason to go after her…until now.''

''What do you mean 'until now'?''

''I've asked Robert to find her. I want that divorce; I need that divorce. If we are going to be together, I want to be a free man for you, without any unpleasant surprises from the past. Because you and Gracie deserve the best, and I want to give you the best...or at least try to.''

She didn't say a word. Anna simply leaned closer, silently begging him to kiss her, and he did. His hands went to her cheeks and he could feel her entire body lean into his. Her hands slowly travelled from his waist toward the collar of his shirt, and he could feel her start to unbutton it. She ended the kiss, but did not move away, so he started to place small kisses on her neck. Without breaking contact, he gently pushed her back onto the couch, continuing to kiss her soft skin. When she'd finally unbuttoned his shirt completely, and he could feel her warm palms spread on his undershirt, for a second he didn't know if he would be able to stop what they had started.

''Anna,'' he whispered against her neck. ''We need to stop.''

''Mhm,'' she purred. ''I know...'' Her head was spinning. She finally had him in her arms, his warm lips making magic on her skin, his hand playing with the hem of her dress. She wanted more, she wanted all of him. He found her lips again and took her lower lip between his teeth, biting gently. She automatically raised her hips, and when she shamelessly rubbed against him, John could feel his body responding to hers. But when her left hand gently squeezed his buttock through his trousers, he knew he had to stop right away. He forced himself to end the kiss, and looked down at her. Her mouth was swollen from the kisses and her skin was covered in small, light scratches from his stubble. ''I'm sorry for starting this, but when I tasted your lips, I started to wonder how your body tasted, and now I definitely know we have to stop.''

''Never apologize for starting something as beautiful as this. But you're right - we have to press the pause button here.''

John smiled and loosened his hold on her. He sat up, looking at his wristwatch. ''It's almost midnight. I think I should fetch the champagne.''

''I think you should, too.'' She smiled and tugged her skirt back into place.

John stood up and walked into the kitchen, buttoning his shirt again. The truth was that he needed a minute to cool himself down. He could still feel her all around him and he wanted her, he wanted her so much, but he had promised himself a long time ago that if he ever had the chance, he would wait patiently for the right moment to make her his. She was Anna, and she deserved the best.

''Am I late?'' He stepped into the room a few minutes later.

''No. We still have 2 minutes,'' she said, standing by the window.

''Here you go.'' He handed her a glass of champagne.

''Thank you. Mr. Bates…'' she began, when he interrupted.

''Why don't you call me John?''

''I don't know,'' she said shyly. ''I think…I think everything will become real, if I do.''

''Don't you want it to be real?'' he asked in low voice, and gently used his free hand to bring her flat against his body.

''I do...'' Anna whispered, resting her hand on his chest. ''…John.'' The moment she said his name, the sky exploded. Hundreds of fireworks coloured the night sky and a bell announcing the new year rang out in the distance.

''You see what happens when you call me by my first name?'' he joked, and she giggled. ''Happy New Year, Anna.''

''Happy New Year….John.''

 **xXx**

It was dark when Anna's eyes opened. She was still lying on the couch, but the fire had gone out, and John was nowhere to be seen. After they had shared their first New Year's kiss, they had cuddled up on the floor in front of the fireplace. Beyond a few gentle pecks and feather-light touches, though, nothing had happened. After a while, they had moved to the couch, and it hadn't taken long for both of them to doze off.

The spot where John had been lying just a few hours earlier was empty. Maybe he had gone to bed, Anna thought to herself, and decided to do the same. She quickly checked on Gracie, who was still sound asleep in the office, and then headed to the guest room. The flat was completely dark and she didn't know where the light switches were, so she hoped she would make it to her room without breaking anything. ''Thank god,'' she said, as she opened the door. She quickly unzipped her dress and jumped into bed, wearing only her bra and knickers.

She was just starting to doze off when she heard a noise. She listened for more, but heard only silence. ''Anna, go to sleep. It's nothing…'' she told herself, but before she could finish her thought, the bathroom door opened slowly, and she could hear footsteps approaching. The footsteps stopped, she could hear something being tossed on the floor, then a click, and then another one. Someone had just opened the closet. ''What on earth is going on?'' she thought to herself, and finally found the courage to look over the top of the duvet. Whatever her mind was preparing to see, this definitely wasn't it.

John, or rather a completely naked John, was standing in front of the closet, looking for something. He had woken up on the couch just about ten minutes before, and found that his shirt was wet from the tea that he had spilled on himself when he'd dozed off. He had gently pulled himself away from Anna, and had decided to have a quick shower before waking her up.

The street lights coming through the window gave her just enough light to see his broad shoulders and muscled back, and when her eyes finally reached his firm bottom, she could feel a warm wave rush through her body. She knew she should say something to let him know she was there, but she couldn't produce any words. John slowly took a pair of blue boxers out of the inside drawer and took his time pulling them on, then grabbed the towel he had tossed on the floor and started to dry his hair. He turned around slowly, and when he looked up, he finally saw that someone was sitting in his bed, looking directly at him.

''What the...?!'' he exclaimed, and quickly turned the light on. Anna was sitting on the bed, speechless, just staring at him. He exhaled in relief. ''Anna? What are you doing in my bedroom?''

' _'_ _Your_ bedroom? I thought this was…'' My god! He looked so good! The wet hair, the body, the chest hair, the boxers!

''Are you all right?"

''Yes…''

''How much did you see?'' he asked, when he finally realized what she had probably witnessed just moments ago.

''Everything...'' she said weakly.

''You naughty girl!'' he joked, and started to walk toward the bed.

''I'm so sorry! I couldn't find the light switches, and I must have mixed up the doors. I saw you… and your…oh my god. I'm so, so sorry! I didn't want to…'' she started to blabber, and covered her face with her hands.

''Anna...'' he stopped her, and removed her hands from her face. ''It's all right. Stop apologizing.'' He really wanted to make her feel better about everything. Sure, he had almost had a heart attack when he had turned around and seen someone watching him. But after he'd realized it was Anna, he had to admit that he found the whole situation a little bit arousing. ''So what are we going to do? Are you staying or leaving?'' he teased.

''I think I should leave.''

''Are you sure?'' he asked, and started to pull his pyjama bottoms on. ''You can stay if you want.''

''No, I really think I should go,'' she said regretfully, looking at his chest. She started to get up, but then remembered she was only in her undergarments.

''Is something wrong?'' he asked, when he saw her looking at him shyly.

''Ummm, would you mind turning around?''

John just stared at her. This year was starting out even better he could have ever imagined. First she had finally called him by his first name, and now she was lying in his bed, half-naked. Turning to face the wall, he smiled, ''This isn't very fair - you know that, don't you?''

''What are you talking about?''

''Well, you saw me undressed, so I think it's only fair for me to see you.''

''Mr. Bates!'' she chuckled, zipping up her dress. ''You can turn around now.''

''So...we're back to Mr. Bates again?'' he asked playfully, leaning his head to one side.

She smiled at him and took a step closer. He looked good - his hair was still wet from the shower, and he was giving her the cutest boyish grin she had ever seen. She leaned in, gave him a peck on the cheek, and slowly ran her hand through his chest hair. Then she couldn't resist whispering seductively in his ear, ''Only in the bedroom…Mr. Bates.'' With that, she was gone, leaving John standing in the middle of the room with his mouth open. All rational thought had left him. The only thing he was able to do was to open the bathroom door and step into a very cold shower...without even bothering to take his boxers off.

* * *

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 **SREČNO NOVO LETO 2016!**


	10. mama Bates

**Chapter X**

''Psssst! Come here!'' John's voice drifted into Anna's consciousness, causing her eyes to flutter open. She stirred in her bed and listened. She could hear John saying something to Gracie on the other side of the bedroom door, but she only giggled at him and asked, ''Why?''

''Because we don't want to wake your mummy up yet. We need to finish our surprise first.''

''What surprise?''

''Let's go to the kitchen and I'll show you.''

Anna kept listening, and she could hear two pairs of footsteps slowing making their way down the hall. She glanced at her phone on the nightstand. It was little past six, and from the brief conversation she had just overheard, she knew it would be best to wait for them to come for her, so she wouldn't spoil their surprise.

She pulled the blankets over herself and exhaled. It was the first day of the New Year, and so much had changed in such a short period of time - a new job, new city, new friends…and Mr Bat… no, John. She smiled to herself. She'd had no idea her life would change so much in only 4 months. She had spent countless sleepless nights thinking about him, imagining how his lips would feel against hers, his large, strong arms around her petite frame…and now she knew, and it was so much better than she had ever imagined. She knew it was too soon - it had only been a week since they had finally admitted that they liked each other as more than just friends - but she could not wait to take their relationship to the next level. After last night's steamy make-out session on the couch, she could imagine that he would be a great lover. Every kiss, every touch, every squeeze had been perfect, and the way his hazel eyes stared at her…my god, he knew what he was doing. She could feel small butterflies in her stomach just thinking about it.

When he had run after her at the ball, all she had wanted was to yell at him for making her feel so much toward him, and for slowly climbing over the wall she had built around her heart. After Paul had said he loved her and then had left her broken and alone, she had sworn to herself that she would stay away from men. That had been almost 7 years ago, and she'd done a pretty good job of staying single, made easier by the fact that no one had wanted to date her once they knew she had a little girl at home waiting for her. But then John had knocked on her front door, and everything had changed. She had been wary of trusting him at first, but he had proven her wrong that first day, when she had found him baking cupcakes with Gracie. After a week, she had gotten used to the idea of a man looking after Gracie. After a month, she hadn't been able to wait to leave the office to go home, to have a home-cooked meal with him. But after two months had passed, she had known - she liked him more she could have ever imagined. He'd said that he had done all sorts of little things, hoping she would notice them and let him know that they were on the same page, and she had definitely noticed. But she hadn't said a word, too afraid of what might happen next, too afraid of getting hurt again.

But now here she was, lying in his guest bedroom, waiting for them to surprise her. She was very thankful that Gracie liked him so much. It was important for John to know that she came in a package. Gracie's happiness was first on the list, and she knew John knew that and respected it. So maybe her luck had really started to turn around.

John was brilliant, gentle, strong, charming, a good listener, funny, hot… He was 42 years old, but he looked so, so good. Sure, he had a little softness around his belly, but other than that he was gorgeous. Anna's mind quickly remembered the way he had looked in his bedroom a few hours ago, standing just a few metres in front of her…completely naked. And then he had turned around and finally revealed his torso, covered in thick, dark chest hair - so very different from Paul. Paul had been obsessed with shaving. He had been on the university swimming team, and he hadn't had a single hair on his body. Everything had been clean shaven, even his legs and arms. She had never liked that about him. Thinking about it now, she didn't even know what it was that had made her fall in love with him. He had been the complete opposite of John, and she was glad of that.

She was starting to daydream, when she heard two soft knocks. Sitting up and leaning back against the headboard, she said, ''Come in.''

The door opened slowly and she could see John and Gracie by the door. He was holding a small tray and Gracie was grinning like a fool next to him. ''Good morning,'' he smiled, entering the room. Gracie threw herself onto the bed next to her mother. ''Happy New Year, Mummy!'' Her little hands went around Anna's neck and she placed a kiss on her cheek.

''Happy New Year, sweetie!'' Anna replied happily, and kissed Gracie's forehead, while the little girl rested in the crook of her arm.

''We have a surprise for you!''

''Have you really?'' Anna chuckled, pretending she didn't know.

''We made you breakfast!''

''Did you?''

''YES!'' Gracie beamed. ''I squeezed the orange juice.''

''Good girl!'' Anna said, and caressed her blond curls.

''Here you go.'' John sat on the bed and placed the tray in front of her. It held a cup of coffee, a glass of juice, five pieces of toast with butter and jam on the side, and a small vase filled with flowers.

''Thank you, but I do wonder what I've done to deserve such a treat.''

''Just being you,'' John answered softly, and grinned at her.

''Charmer. Come here.'' She leaned toward him and gave him a quick peck on the lips. When they parted, their eyes locked for a moment until John nodded in Gracie's direction. Turning around, Anna could see her covering her face with her small hands. ''Gracie, are you all right?''

''Mummy kissed John...again.''

Both adults laughed and Anna pulled her closer. ''Yes, she did. Come, take a piece.'' She offered her a piece of toast.

''No, I already ate. John made me a big bowl of Choco Pops.''

''Did he?''

''Yes. May I go and play now?''

''Yes, you may, but not until you give me a kiss.'' Gracie sat up and gave Anna a peck on the cheek, and with that she was gone.

Looking after her, John finally turned his full attention to Anna. ''I hope you slept well? May I?'' he asked, nodding at an empty place next to her.

''Well, after seeing what I saw before going to bed, I have to say, not really - I was awake for hours,'' she joked, lifting the blanket so John could sit next to her.

''Oh? And what did you see?'' He bit his inner cheek, knowing too well what she was implying.

''Oh, nothing really. Just my nanny, walking around completely naked.'' She giggled, and took her first bite of toast.

''First of all, I'm your ex-nanny, and second, I didn't know you were there,'' he replied, leaning back against the headboard and taking a slice of toast from the plate.

''I'm glad you didn't,'' she teased, surprising herself by being able to talk about the whole thing without blushing.

''Well, well, Miss Smith, I hope I wasn't a disappointment.'' He nudged her playfully, although deep down he knew that he was 42 years old and wasn't nearly as fit as he had been 20 years ago. She was young, beautiful, slim, and he knew she was too good for him in every respect. And with that came fear - of her realizing that she had made a mistake when she decided to be with him.

She could see in his eyes that he wasn't just joking - he was unsure of himself, and she didn't want him to feel insecure. Without saying a word, she turned to face him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. It didn't take him long to respond. He dropped the toast back onto the tray and cupped her face with his hand. Resting back on the pillow, she brought him with her. He soon deepened the kiss, and he could taste the strawberry jam on her lips. After a while they finally broke the contact.

''Did that answer your question?'' she smiled, not letting go of him. Both of her hands were resting around his neck and she was playing with the soft hair on the nape of his neck.

''Mhm, I think it did.'' He grinned at her, feeling a little better, and she could feel his hand lightly squeezing her hip. ''This is nice,'' he added, and it was. They were simply lying in bed, sharing kisses and gentle touches, and somehow it felt as if they had been together forever. It just felt natural and right.

After sharing the breakfast that John and Gracie had made, they spent the afternoon in bed. They talked and shared jokes, and their laughter soon brought Gracie back into the room. She climbed up in between them, and it wasn't long before the three of them started to tickle each other. After many long, lonely years, John's flat was once again filled with laughter and joy.

It was almost 4 in the afternoon when Anna and Gracie said their goodbyes. John offered them a ride home, but Anna insisted on taking the tube. She had promised Jane that she would stop by her house, and she also knew that John had to pack. He had to catch a late flight to Edinburgh in a few hours, as he had told her the other evening. He always visited his mother and her partner in the first week of each year. He loved his mother with all his heart, but he didn't really want to spend the next week without his girls by his side. He had booked the ticket long before he and Anna had even met, and she had almost smacked him when he had suggested that he might not go. Family is everything and you must always make time for them, Anna had reminded him, and he knew she was right. After all, his mum was the last living relative he had...well, except his father, but for John his father wasn't family. So after 15 minutes of kissing, hugging, and saying goodbye, they left his flat, and Anna practically ran toward the tube station. She could not wait to reach Jane's house. She was so happy, and she needed to share her happiness with her friend.

 **xXx**

''How was it then?'' Jane asked, handing Anna a mug of hot tea.

''It was...great...really, really great...'' Anna answered dreamily, sitting down on the couch next to her.

''You mean...?'' Jane said, with a wicked grin. She knew what had been going on in Anna's life for the last couple of weeks. Anna had texted her a couple of times – updating her about John, their first kiss, Christmas, and now she could not wait to hear how their New Year had gone.

''Jane!'' she giggled. ''Nothing happened. We talked about his past and, well…we kissed…a lot,'' she admitted shyly, not too sure if she should mention anything about having seen him naked. But Jane could see something was up.

''Anna? Just tell me - I can see you want to say something. There is more, isn't there?''

Anna rolled her eyes and began, ''I saw him naked!'' She took a sip of tea and looked over her mug.

''WHAT?!'' Jane exclaimed. ''What do you mean _you saw him naked_? You just told me nothing happened!''

''Shhh! Keep it down!'' Gracie and Freddie were upstairs playing in his room, but Anna didn't want to risk them hearing. ''Nothing did.''

''I don't get it.'' Jane was confused.

''Just listen…'' Anna explained everything. After she was done, Jane was still staring at her with her mouth open.

''Anna, you sneak!''

''Jane!'' Anna giggled. ''I didn't plan it.''

''Of course not,'' Jane smirked, sipping her tea.

''Oh, come on. I was so embarrassed.''

''Was it so bad?'' Jane made a face.

''Oh noooo, Jane. You should have seen him! I mean, he's dreamy when he has his clothes _on_ , but my god…I don't think I have ever seen an ass as good as his.'' Anna had finally said aloud what she had been thinking. ''And let me tell you, the man can kiss.''

''I'm happy for you!''

''Thank you.''

''So where is he now? I would really like to meet him properly.''

''He's catching a late flight to Scotland tonight. He's visiting his mother, but he'll be back next week.''

''Does Gracie know about you two?''

''Well, she kind of walked in on us and saw us kissing, but she seems OK with the whole thing, as far as I can tell. I mean, I know she's only 6, and I have to make sure she's OK with her nanny and her mummy being together. I don't want her to be confused about the whole thing. So I'm planning to talk to her tomorrow. But I think she will be more than pleased with the fact that she's going to see John even more than she did when he was her nanny.''

''At least one of us is happy in love,'' Jane said sadly.

''Jane.'' Anna took a deep breath. ''You know that you can't have him, right?'' She put her mug down onto the coffee table and continued, ''He's your boss and I know you like him, but he is married. And I don't want to be harsh, but he loves Cora with all his heart.''

''I know, but still I like him, I like him more than I should. And he's told me that he doesn't feel the same way, but you how it is. I think I should start looking for a new job.''

''What? Jane, why?''

''I can't be his secretary anymore. I mean, I can't look at him and know he can never be mine. It's been a year, Anna, and I need to get away from him.'' Jane had been working as Robert's secretary for the last three years, and over that period of time she had started to feel something more toward him. Robert had been going through a personal crisis a year ago when Cora had had a miscarriage. One day he had been drunk, Jane had been there, and they'd shared a passionate kiss in the elevator. It had meant nothing to him, but to her it was everything. The next day he'd called her into his office and apologized to her. And with that, Jane had realized that there could never be anything more between them. She was not a vengeful person; she would never threaten to tell his wife. So she'd been trying to forget what had happened.

''What if you come work for me?''

''What do you mean?''

''Well, Mary is giving me my own office after the rape case is over, and I'll need a secretary, won't I? I know you might be paid less - I mean, he is the boss and I'm only one of the lawyers, but at least you would see him a lot less than you do now. What do you think?''

''I don't care about the money; I have savings.''

''Should I talk to Robert about it? I know he will understand.''

Jane stared at her, not quite believing she had such a good friend. Finally she nodded her head and hugged her. ''Thank you, Anna.''

''It's all right, Jane. You've been nothing but kind to me from the moment I came to the firm, and...well…you're kind of the reason I met John, since you referred me to the babysitting agency.''

 **xXx**

''John, my boy, have a safe trip back.''

''Thank you, Mum,'' John smiled and gave her a goodbye kiss on the cheek. He'd spent the last week in Scotland with his mother and her partner, Stephen. He was really glad she'd met him. He didn't want to see his mother all alone in her old age, and Stephen was a good guy - nothing like his father. They respected and loved each other. ''Stephen, it was nice catching up.'' He gave him a hug.

''Yes, it was, son.'' Stephen loved him as if he was his own. ''Have a safe journey home.''

''Thank you. Mum, I really need to go now,'' he reminded her gently, when she didn't seem to want to release him from her embrace. ''I'll miss my plane if you don't let go of me.'' His taxi was already waiting to take him to the airport in Edinburgh.

''You have hours till your flight. You're just eager to get back to your girl, aren't you!'' she teased. He'd mentioned starting to work for Anna months ago, but when her name started to pop up more and more during their phone calls, Elizabeth had known there was something more there. She had started questioning him the moment he had stepped in the front door, and he really hadn't had any problems answering. He was happy, and he wanted his mother to know it.

''I'll text when I arrive in London,'' he said, blushing. He picked up his luggage, said a quick goodbye, and got into the taxi.

''I'm telling you, Steve, he is going to marry that girl,'' she predicted, waving after the taxi.

''How do you know that? You've never even met her.'' Stephen looked at her, puzzled.

''I haven't, but I know my son, and I know that look in his eyes. He loves her and he doesn't even know it yet. But believe me when I tell you that we are going to attend a wedding before this year ends.''

* * *

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	11. Prva noč

**Chapter XI**

Before the first month of the new year ended, Anna finally closed the rape case. And she had been right about getting her own office. Mary surprised her by giving her one of the offices in the new wing of the building, which almost felt bigger than her flat. She was also grateful when Robert agreed with her suggestion that she hire Jane. Anna wasn't a probie any longer; she was a part of the Crawley & Levinson family. Her new position meant fewer hours in the office, which meant more free time to spend at home with her daughter...and John.

It hadn't been an easy first month for them. She had been busy with the case, and John had been looking for a new job. After he came back from Scotland, he knew he needed to talk to his now former boss, the head of the babysitting agency. The woman absolutely adored him and his work, but she knew it was against the rules for employees to date their clients, so she had wished him good luck and had written him an amazing reference. His female co-workers were devastated to hear he was leaving them, and were very much jealous of the fact that he was now in a relationship. But he didn't give a damn; he was happy.

He had been picking Gracie up from school about a week later, when Miss Froggatt had mentioned to him that they were looking for a new school counselor. He couldn't believe his luck. He had excellent references, and after an interview with the headmistress, he was offered the job. It paid less than his job as a private nanny had, but he didn't care. During his two and a half years as a nanny, he had managed to save a good amount, so money wasn't a problem for him any more.

When Anna and John told their family and friends that they were together, everyone was more than happy about it...well, except for George, maybe. He wasn't so keen about their relationship becoming official, especially after Alice had told him that John was still married, to a woman he hadn't seen in years.

Vera seemed to have completely disappeared, and that drove John crazy. Anna tried to reassure him that it was all right, but it was important to him to be a free man for her, no matter how many times she teased him that she would live with him no matter what, even if it meant living in sin.

''What do you mean she's nowhere to be found?'' John asked, sitting opposite Robert.

''I don't know what happened, but we can't find her. And my people have done their best.''

''Well, apparently they haven't!'' John raised his voice, but quickly realized it wasn't Robert's fault. ''Sorry, mate. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just…''

''I know, John.''

''I need her signature on those papers, Robert. I want to be with Anna and I can't, not the way she deserves.''

''How is the new job?'' Robert tried to change the subject.

''It's good...I mean, as good as that kind of job can be. I have two boys whose mother was an addict and they were taken away from her, so...yeah…but I hadn't realized I'd missed it so much until now. It feels good to know I'm doing something positive for them. We talk, and the social worker has said that they seem better after they leave my office, so I must be doing something right.'' He smiled to himself.

''And how is Anna?''

''What do you mean? She works only a few offices from yours. You see her every day.''

''I know. I meant, you know…how is everything between you two?''

''It's great...it's better than great. _She_ is great.'' John's smile grew even bigger. ''I mean, this last month has been pure perfection.''

''Have you two…''

''What?''

''You know…'' Robert shifted nervously in his chair.

''Had sex?'' John started to laugh. He knew Robert was extremely uncomfortable when it came to talking about things like this.

''Shhh, don't say it aloud!'' his friend said nervously, checking to make sure the doors to his office were completely closed. ''I don't even know why I'm asking you…it's just that you're my best mate, and...ummmm...as _your_ best mate, it's my duty to ask you that kind of thing, I think…I mean…''

''Robert, just stop it,'' John said, when he heard him starting to babble. ''And the answer to your question is no, we haven't.''

''Why not?'' Robert was surprised at his answer.

''For someone who doesn't like to talk about what's going on behind closed bedroom doors, you do ask a lot of questions,'' John teased.

''OK, sorry. I didn't want to…you don't need to tell me…''

''We've decided to take thing slowly. She was busy with her case, I've just started my new job. There hasn't been time for anything more than a quick make-out session here and there, and even those have been interrupted by Gracie.''

''Oh, tell me about it! When the girls were young, it seemed like every time Cora and I started anything, one of the girls would barge in. I don't even know how we managed to make Sybil.'' He chuckled. ''The best advice I can give you, my friend, is this: When the right time comes, make sure your bedroom door is locked.''

''Robert, can we please stop talking about my sex life? And yours, too, for that matter,'' John said, standing up. ''I need to go now. I'm having dinner with my best girls.''

''Any special occasion?''

''I know you're going to laugh if I tell you,'' he said, buttoning his jacket.

''Try me?''

''It's the one month anniversary of our first kiss,'' John told him, and he could tell that Robert was trying really hard not to laugh at him.

''My god, John - you've got it really bad this time, don't you?''

''Yes, I do...and I'm loving every moment of it. Take care, and please ask your people to try again.''

''I will. Take care.'' Robert smiled, thankful that his friend was finally happy.

 **xXx**

''Well, I'm full,'' Anna said, leaning back on the couch.

''Can I assume you liked it?'' John asked, leaning back next to her.

''You know I did. I love your cooking.''

''So the only reason you're with me is because my mother taught me how to cook a proper meal?''

Anna pretended to think really hard about what he'd said, and then responded, ''Yes.''

''Well, thank god for my mother, then.'' John laughed, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer.

''This is nice,'' Anna sighed, resting her hand on his chest.

''It is,'' he agreed. ''I've missed you these past few days, both of you.'' Sure, he still stayed with Gracie after school, but it wasn't the same, plus Anna's schedule had been crazy. She woke up, ran to the office, had a few meetings, worked on her big case, worked on some of her smaller cases, ran home, had a quick dinner, spent some time with Gracie and him, went to bed, worked on her strategy some more, and fell asleep with files all around her.

''I've missed you, too. And I'm sorry.''

''Sorry for what?''

''Well, I haven't been a very good girlfriend since we started dating.''

''Anna, we both know you've worked your tail off to win this case, and I'm proud of you.'' He gently kissed her temple. ''Plus, I knew what kind of schedule you had before we decided to be together.''

''I know, but still I feel bad about everything. I'm just…''

''What?''

''Nothing, you'll think I'm being silly,'' she said, and hugged him around his middle, resting her head on his chest.

''Come on, tell me.'' He looked down at her and waited.

''I'm afraid you'll get tired of waiting for me.''

''Anna…I spent 4 months staring from a distance and dreaming about you, waiting for the right moment to kiss you. And…''

''Wait a minute. I kissed you first, remember?'' she laughed, and turned to look at him.

''Well, I chased after you,'' John smiled.

''The only reason I ran away that night was because I'd found you and Phyllis on the balcony with your faces stuck together,'' she teased. They had talked about the whole thing weeks ago, about both Phyllis and Thomas.

''I told you that it was just a friendly goodbye peck,'' he replied. ''Plus...what about you bringing Thomas with you? Thank god I knew he was gay, or else your little 'Let's make him jealous' plan would have worked.''

''It did work! And you didn't know he was gay at first!'' Anna grinned, tossing a pillow at him. ''Admit it! You were jealous!''

''No, I wasn't!'' John smirked and tossed the pillow back.

She caught the pillow and looked at him. '' _I_ was,'' she said with a tinge of sadness.

''Anna...'' His face grew serious. ''You know the whole story about Phyllis and me. We only went out a few times. Nothing ever happened between us.''

''I know, it's just that when I saw you two…''

''It was the same for me when I saw Thomas holding you in his arms,'' he interjected.

''What do you mean?''

''Well, gay or not, he was holding you too close, and his hand was a little too low on your back, if you ask me!''

''You see! You _were_ je…''

''Of course I was jealous!'' he finally admitted aloud. ''You are _mine_!'' he exclaimed, grabbing her by the waist and tickling her, causing Anna to erupt in giggles.

''John, stop it!'' She tried to get away, but he had already pinned her down on the couch, his hands tickling her sides. ''Whose girl are you?'' he laughed.

''Stop!'' she giggled, and tried to escape. ''OK, OK, I'm yours, I'm yours!'' she laughed, when she realised she was losing at his game.

John stopped and smiled softly, staring into her eyes. ''And I'm yours.'' She smiled back at him, and she could see the love in his gaze.

''Come here,'' she whispered, and pulled his face closer for a kiss. John steadied himself above her, and he could feel both of her legs resting around his middle. The soft kiss quickly became intense.

"Stay with me tonight...please?"

''Anna?'' He looked down at his hands. She had never asked him to spend the night at hers until now. He had spent many afternoons and evenings with them, but never the night.

''I don't mean, ummm, you know…''

''Yes…'' he chuckled, when he saw she was struggling to explain to him that tonight wouldn't be the night for them.

''Don't get me wrong…I want to, but...ummm...'' She tried to think of the best way to say it.

''Is this the way you speak when you represent your clients, Miss Smith?'' he joked.

''Nooo!'' She giggled and playfully slapped his upper arm. ''It's just that I've missed you for the last couple of days, and I know it sounds silly, but I don't know if I can survive another night not knowing how it would feel to fall asleep in your arms.''

''You're not silly. I feel the same.''

''You do?''

''Yes. And I hope you understand that I'm not expecting anything from you before you're…before _we're_ ready.'' He wanted her to know that he wouldn't pressure her to take their relationship to the next level.

''I know.'' She smiled.

''Plus your father would kick my ass if he knew about me _having my way with you_.'' He whispered the last few words, which made Anna laugh aloud.

''John!'' She was glad they could talk about the whole sex thing. It wasn't that she didn't want him - she did…a lot. But the last month had exhausted her, and the only thing she wanted tonight was him in her bed, holding her as close as possible.

''Let's go and have cuddle.'' He stood up and pulled her upstairs.

While Anna was getting ready in the bathroom, John quickly checked on Gracie. She was still awake, and she asked him to read her a short story. It was a little late and tomorrow was a school day, but he couldn't say no to her. She'd had him wrapped around her little finger from the first day he had stepped into her home, and the same could be said about her mother. He simply enjoyed spending time with both of them. He had only known them for 5 months, but he didn't know how he had survived 42 years without them in his life. He had been sad and lonely, and then he had met them...and his entire life had changed.

When Gracie finally fell asleep, he tucked the blanket around her and left the room, closing the door quietly after him. He could hear that Anna was already in the bedroom, so he stopped in the bathroom to wash up quickly, and before he knew it he was standing in front of her door. For some reason, he knocked and waited for her to say it was all right to come in. He knew it was silly - they were dating, after all - but this was the first time they were going to spend the night together, and he didn't know what kind of ritual she had before bed.

''You don't need to knock, you know?'' he heard her say, and he walked in.

''I know, but still,'' he smiled at her. She was already half-covered, sitting on the bed, waiting for him. ''So this is my side, hmm?'' he said, nodding toward the empty space to her right as he took his jeans off.

''It is. Or would you prefer we switched?'' she asked, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

''No, it's OK. I don't mind which side of the bed I sleep on. The important thing is that you are sleeping on the other side.'' He took his shirt off, standing by the bed in just his undershirt and green boxers. ''I don't have any pyjamas with me.''

Her eyes slowly travelled up and down his body. ''You don't need any.'' She bit her lip, and he could not help chuckling at her.

''Didn't we say that we're only going to sleep?''

''Yes, but we can cuddle…really tight. So, Mr. Bates, would you please join me?'' she said, and uncovered his side of the bed.

Upon hearing her invitation, he flopped onto his stomach next to her, causing the bed to squeak rather loudly, which made Anna laugh.

''We will need to fix this before anything more than a cuddle can happen here, ''he joked, and bounced up and down a few times, making the bed squeak even louder. ''I mean, I don't want the whole neighbourhood to hear us. You are, after all, a lawyer in one of the best law firms in the country. I don't want you to lose any clients after I'm done with you. ''

''John, stop it!'' she laughed, but he just laughed with her and kept bouncing, until suddenly they both heard the sound of something cracking. John stilled his movements, and just as he turned to look at her, the bed frame gave way. Anna shrieked, and before they knew it, the mattress was lying on the floor and pieces of broken wood lay splintered all around them.

They just stared at each other in shocked silence before bursting into laughter. ''What fool put this thing together?'' John asked, lying down on his back.

''I believe it was you,'' Anna gasped between giggles.

He turned his head to look at her. She couldn't stop laughing, and she looked absolutely stunning. He didn't know what he had done in his life to deserve her, but whatever it was, he was glad. ''Come here,'' he smiled.

She simply rolled herself into his embrace. Her hand cupped his cheek and before he could say anything, she placed a gentle kiss on his lips. John rested a hand around her middle and pulled her closer to him. He could felt her breasts pressing into his chest and one of her legs tangled between his. For a moment he wasn't sure if this was a good idea, sleeping so close to her. But before he had a chance to wonder any further, a small voice by the door put a quick stop to their kiss.

''Mummy?''

They both turned around to see Gracie standing by the door, clutching Olaf in her hands. The sounds of the bed frame breaking and the mattress hitting the floor had woken her up, and she'd gotten scared, not knowing what that loud noise was.

''Come here, you!'' John smiled, letting go of Anna and pulling back the covers so the little girl could jump into the space between them. He then made sure that both Anna and Gracie were covered, and put his arm across both of them, bringing Anna closer to him.

''Are you two having a sleepover?'' Gracie giggled, and cuddled further into their embrace.

''Yes, we are,'' Anna answered, kissing her forehead and moving a few locks of hair away from her face.

''Would you like to hear a story?'' John asked, after a bit, but Gracie didn't answer; she had already dozed off. He tried to peek at her face, doing his best not to wake her up. ''We really won't be able to do anything more tonight,'' he said seriously, nodding at sleeping girl.

Anna tried her best not to laugh out loud. She was glad it wasn't awkward between them that they hadn't yet slept together. She gently patted his hand, which was resting on her hip, but he just pulled her as close he could, considering that Gracie and Olaf were cuddled between them.

''Good night,'' he mouthed, and rested his head on the pillow. He had always had problems sleeping, but for some reason, that night he was out in 5 minutes. Maybe he hadn't imagined that their first night together would turn out like this - mattress on the floor, bed frame splintered around them, a 6 year old sleeping between them clutching a rather large stuffed toy - but he didn't mind. It felt nice, it felt good, and he wouldn't have changed a single thing about it.

Anna, on the other hand, wasn't able to fall asleep for another hour. She simply stared at John. He was the first man since Paul who had shared a bed with her. One of the main reasons she had fallen in love with John was that he loved spending time with her daughter, and….had she just admitted to herself that she loved him? She stopped her earlier train of thought for a moment and focused on the L word - that's what she had called it after Paul had left her. Paul had told her that he loved her, and she had believed him. They'd had plans - big plans - marriage, a house, kids...and then it had been over, before it had even started. After that, she had promised herself that she would be careful when it came to talking about love. But simply lying in John's arms with Gracie safely tucked between them, already lightly snoring, she could feel that the wall around her heart had started to crack, just like her bed had earlier. He was simply there for her and Gracie. And for the first time since Paul, she felt free and unafraid of the future. But in these blissful moments, she couldn't know how wrong she was, because the hardest and the saddest times of her life were just a few months away.

* * *

 **beta: annambates! :))))))))))*****************************************************

 **you know I love you guys right? :D :D**


	12. Ljubim te

**Chapter XII.**

When John woke up the next morning, Anna's side of the bed was empty. Gracie was still sleeping peacefully next to him, all tangled in his share of the covers. It was strange, really - he had never been a good sleeper, and he was always up at around 4 a.m. But not today - today he had woken up rested and calm. The clock on the nightstand told him it was only 6:00 in the morning. He got up slowly, trying his best not to wake up the little imp. She stirred a tiny bit, but that was all.

Making his way downstairs, he could hear that the radio was on in the kitchen. He stopped at the door, and he could see Anna by the counter, holding her morning coffee and concentrating on something on her iPad. She was still wearing her white pyjama shorts, and to his surprise she was wearing his V-neck t-shirt, which he'd thought he'd misplaced.

''Good morning!'' he greeted her. Looking up, she smiled at him and greeted him back. ''Isn't that my t-shirt?''

''It is,'' she admitted shyly. ''You left it here the day Gracie decided she wanted to give you a shower with her bath water.''

He stepped behind her, chuckling at the memory. ''Oh, I remember - I left it here to dry. Why didn't you give it back to me?''

''I don't know.'' But she did know; she'd been planning to return it, but for some reason she hadn't. ''Sleep well?'' She quickly changed the subject.

''I think this was the best night of my entire life. I didn't wake up once through the whole night. But something was missing when I did wake up.''

''Oh, really? And what was that?''

''You...'' he said, nuzzling her hair.

''Charmer.'' She grinned, and looked down at the iPad. He slid his left hand around her waist and started to move to the song on the radio. He could hear her giggles, and somehow his right hand slipped down her body and stopped at the hem of her shorts. He tucked a finger under the material and gently caressed her thigh.

''John?'' she asked, when she could feel his finger making slow movements on her skin. It felt rather good...better than good - it felt heavenly.

''Yes?'' He moved her hair away from her neck and kissed the soft skin he found there.

''What are you doing?'' she asked.

''Dancing?'' he murmured into her ear.

She giggled at his answer. ''Really? I hope you'll dance with me on the 21st of February...''

''What's on the 21st?'' he whispered, as his lips grazed her throat.

''Sybil and Tom's wedding.''

''What are you talking about?'' He looked up quickly and stared at her. ''Look,'' she replied, handing him the iPad. John took the device from her and started to read. She had received a sweet email from Sybil, asking her to be one of the bridesmaids and Gracie to be a flower girl.

''Does Robert know anything about this?'' Anna asked, smiling at John. She knew that the youngest Crawley daughter was his favourite; he was even her godfather.

''He didn't say a word yesterday and he looked calm, so I can assume he doesn't. My god, my girl is getting married. When did I become so old?'' He looked up. ''Robert is going to kill him.''

''Who?'' Anna frowned, and took a sip of her coffee.

''Tom. Robert finally made his peace with the fact he's going to become a granddad, and now…'' John started to laugh. ''Poor lad.'' He placed the iPad back on the counter and took a mug from the cabinet.

''What is Robert's problem with Tom anyway? He seems like a good fellow.''

''That's the thing, there is nothing wrong with him. He's great guy, and Robert knows that. It's just...I think it's hard for him to accept that his little girl is not little anymore. And I can't blame him.''

''Why?''

''Anna, you know how Mary and Edith are. Each is more stubborn than the other. Sybil was always the kind one, the one with her heart in the right place.''

''John, she's not dying. She has just found someone she wants to spend her whole life with. I think it's nice.''

''I didn't say it isn't, it's just…I think it's hard for men to let go of their favourite little girl. I mean, look at your father,'' he teased.

''John!'' she smiled, smacking his arm.

''I didn't say I blame him. I myself would be fit to be tied if Gracie brought some bloke home, announcing she is marrying him. I mean, I know I'm not her dad, and ummm… but…why are you smiling?''

''Because you're cute when you get nervous, and I'm glad we have you in our lives.'' It warmed her heart, knowing he loved Gracie as if she was his own. She put her mug down on the counter and pulled him into her arms.

''And I'm glad I have you two in mine.'' He hugged her back and placed a kiss on top of her head. ''Did you say that the wedding is on the 21st of February?''

''Yes, why?''

''Well, isn't that only a month away?''

''So? They love each other, and I'm sure they would do it today, if they could.'' She rested her head on his chest, while he slowly swayed them to the rhythm of the song.

''When we get married, I'm going to brag to everybody months before…'' The words left his mouth before he could stop himself. Anna looked up at him. Finally realizing what he had just said, he quickly added, ''I mean….I'm sorry...I didn't want to…''

''Didn't want to what?'' she smiled. The thought of John being hers forever made her knees feel weak.

He didn't know what to say to her. The truth was that he had finally found someone he felt completely himself with, after so many years adrift. He loved her, and he wanted her to be his forever. ''Well…the thing is…ummm...''

''John?'' She understood what he was trying to say. She felt the same, but it was simply too soon.

''Yes?'' he exhaled, a little afraid of what she is going to say.

''Just kiss me,'' she smiled, and he did. He cupped her cheek with one hand and used his other to bring her closer to him. He didn't deepen it, and neither did she. They simply shared a sweet, innocent kiss. When they pulled apart, he asked her, ''Were you serious last night?''

''Serious about what?'' she asked, not knowing what he was referring to.

''About...you know…wanting to take this, us, to another level...?'' He hesitated; he didn't want her feel he was pushing her. He simply wanted to know what she wanted.

''I'm ready if you are?'' she chuckled. She loved that about him - he always wanted to know how she felt about things. She lowered her hand onto his behind and squeezed lightly, making John jump a little in surprise.

''What, now? But we only have about 20 minutes,'' he asked, with a little panic in his voice. He wanted her, but not rushed like that. He had so many plans in his head for their first time, and she had caught him unprepared. Plus, he really needed those divorce papers signed.

Anna simply laughed at him when she saw the look of panic on his face. ''Not now, you silly beggar, we have a 6 year-old upstairs who will be up for school any minute now, and we have to get ready for work.'' Letting go of him, she turned to head upstairs, but stopped by the door and looked back with a smirk. ''Plus...I'm planning to have my way with you the _whole_ night, not only 20 minutes…Mr. Bates.''

 **xXx**

In one week's time, Anna found herself with the Crawley girls, in search of a wedding dress for Sybil. They had been a little surprised when they had found out they only had about three weeks to organize everything, but Sybil had told them that her wedding was going to be a small one. Considering they were going to live in London, they had both decided that they wanted to get married in Ireland, near Tom's family, but that wasn't the main issue to Robert. It was the fact that they were having a Roman Catholic wedding that almost made him lose his mind. But after a long talk with Cora, he had shut his mouth and given his youngest daughter all the blessings and support she had asked for.

''What about this one?''

''Mary, I'm getting married, not going to a funeral,'' Sybil reminded her, when she saw the black dress Mary was pointing to.

''Oh, don't be such a traditionalist. It's lovely!''

''Yeah, for someone who has a dark soul like you do,'' Edith huffed, sitting down.

Mary didn't answer, but just gave Edith one of her looks and turned back. ''Anna, what do you think?''

''I think it's lovely…''

''You see!'' Mary turned to Edith victoriously.

''But…'' Anna continued.

''There's a but? Mary frowned.

''Sybil is right: It's a wedding not a funeral, and it is HER wedding, so I think she should take the one she already tried on and loved, but that you didn't like.''

''It made her look fat.''

''I'm pregnant, Mary!'' Sybil interrupted.

''Whatever.''

''Don't listen to her; just take the dress you like,'' Edith said to Sybil, enjoying the fact that Mary had been outvoted.

''What about our dresses? Did you have any particular colour in mind?'' Anna changed the subject, knowing what Edith and Mary were like.

''I was thinking light blue. Something like this, maybe.'' Sybil pointed to some of the knee length dresses on the rack. ''What do you think?''

''I like it!'' Anna walked toward her. ''Should we try it on?'' She turned to Mary and Edith, who were still making faces at one another. ''Mary? Edith?''

''Yeah, yeah, just give it here.'' Mary took the dress and disappeared into the changing room, Edith soon following, which left Sybil and Anna alone.

''How are you feeling?'' Anna asked.

''You know how it is.'' Sybil sat down and rubbed her belly. ''I'm feeling like a balloon and I still have months to go.''

''Tell me about it.'' Anna laughed. ''But believe me - it is worth it. All the sickness, feeling like a whale, swollen legs, not being able to get up from the couch without someone helping you...'' Anna giggled, remembering her father laughing his head off, while helping her stand up. ''But don't worry, you have Tom,'' she added sadly, remembering that Paul hadn't been around when she was pregnant with Gracie.

''Anna,'' Sybil called her softly, covering her friend's hand with her own.

Anna turned her gaze to her and smiled. '' All I'm trying to tell you is that you are going to be all right. We can all see the way Tom loves you, and he's a great guy.''

''Thank you, Anna.'' Sybil smiled at her. ''Speaking of love, how are things in that love nest of yours, hmm? How is Uncle John?''

''He is good, we are good. The only problem we have is Vera.''

''What do you mean?''

''Well, John is insisting on getting a divorce before…you know...'' Anna dropped her voice for the last part of the sentence. There was no one else in the shop with them, but she didn't want anyone to hear her private affairs.

''Before what?'' Sybil asked her, not knowing what she was referring to.

Anna once again made sure nobody could hear her, and leaned closer. ''Before we sleep together.''

''WHAT?'' Sybil raised her voice, smiling. ''You mean to tell me you two haven't…''

''Sybil, keep your voice down!'' Anna hissed, looking around. ''No, we haven't.''

''Why not? We were all sure you'd already done it!''

''Well, the thing is…wait - what? Who is we?'' Anna frowned.

''Umm, never mind that…'' she backtracked quickly. The truth was that ever since Anna and John had started dating, he looked like another man to the Crawleys. They had started to see the old John in him. He smiled ten times more than he had in the last 20 years, and he looked fresher and even younger to them. They could all see that John and Anna were in love, and from their actions - holding hands, never leaving each other's side, small kisses shared between them, and all that eye sex - they had all quietly assumed that the pair had already crossed that line. ''Why not?''

''He thinks Vera could use our relationship against him…''

''But we don't even know where she is. She could already be dead, for all we know.''

''I know, and that's what I've been telling him, but he won't listen to me,'' Anna huffed. They had talked about taking things forward, but she knew John. He really wanted to be free of Vera before doing anything.

''Ohhh, John...always the gallant one,'' Sybil said, feeling a little bit angry at John for allowing Vera to still having control over his life after so many years. Seeing Anna's face, she changed the subject. ''Is little Gracie still 100% sure she doesn't want to attend my wedding?''

''Yeah, sorry about that. I asked her again, but she really wants to spend that weekend in York.'' Gracie had been more than excited when Anna had told her that Auntie Sybil wanted her to be a flower girl, but when Anna had explained that Sybil's wedding was the weekend she was supposed to spend in York with her grandparents and uncle, the little one was determined to spend the time with her family. She missed them so much, and they had set the date at Christmas, not knowing then about Sybil's wedding plans.

''It's all right, I don't really need a flower girl. It was just an idea.'' Sybil understood, and respected the decision Gracie had made.

''What was just an idea?''

''Nothing, forget about it. You look nice.'' Sybil turned her attention to Mary, who was coming out of the changing room.

''I always look nice,'' Mary smirked. ''But I don't know how Edith will do,'' she added, when her younger sister joined her.

''I heard that,'' Edith said, and just when Mary was about to talk back, Sybil cut her off. ''You look beautiful, both of you. Come on, Anna. It's your turn now.''

 **xXx**

On the other side of the city, John was making his way to Robert's office as quickly as possible. Clutching his phone with so much force that his knuckles turned white, he was practically running down the street.

''Robert, are you sure?'' he exclaimed into the phone.

''Yes, we've found her, John. She has been living in a small village near Manchester, with a man called Richard Carlisle, for the last two years.''

''Have you contacted her yet?''

''Yes, we have, and she was her usual charming self,'' Robert laughed. ''Where are you?''

''I'm just a block away. See you in a minute,'' he said, and ended the call. Slipping the phone into his inner pocket, he could see his hands shaking. He was glad Anna was out of the office. He wanted to be the one who would tell her that he was finally a free man for her. He barged into Robert's office without knocking, and saw him sitting at his desk.

''John.''

''Robert, please tell me you were not kidding?''

''I wasn't. We've found her, and she is prepared to sign, but…''

''I knew it was too good to be true! What does she want?'' John sat down opposite him, feeling his blood pressure rising.

''Half of everything you have,'' Robert said slowly, knowing John and his temper when it came to Vera and her wishes.

''All right,'' John answered, without losing a beat.

''What?'' Robert almost fell out of his chair when he heard his friend's reaction. ''John, as your lawyer, I have to ask you to rethink your answer. I can get you a much better de…''

''Robert, I don't care.'' John shook his head. ''You hear me? I really do not care. Give her anything she wants.''

''But…''

''Robert, as my friend, please - I beg you - don't try to change my mind.'' He knew Robert would understand.

''OK,'' Robert said, and smiled. His professional side screamed inside of him how unfair the whole Vera thing was, but he wanted his friend to be happy, and he knew he could not be, not with Vera hanging around his neck. ''OK, John, let's do it your way.''

''Thank you, Robert.'' John smiled at his friend, glad he wasn't fighting back against his wishes. ''So, when is she coming to London?''

''Well, about that - she wants you to go to her, considering how much you want the papers signed.''

''Ohh, Vera...always wanting to have her way, but all right - what is a little trip north, compared to a lifetime of freedom? How soon can it be arranged?''

''I was thinking - how about tomorrow? We can fly to Manchester and have it done within a couple of days. What do you think?''

''Sure.''

''Are you going to tell Anna about all this?''

''No, I don't want her to know, not until Vera has signed the papers.''

''All right, then, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at around 6 a.m.''

''OK.'' John stood up and started to button his coat. ''Robert, thank you.''

''Oh, John - it's nothing, really.'' He shook the hand that John had offered him. It made him happy to see his oldest friend so happy.

John said his goodbyes and, walking out of Robert's office, he had to control his feelings. He wanted to shout at the top of his lungs - he wanted the world to know how happy he was. It was real - they had found Vera, and she was prepared to sign the papers. He didn't care what she wanted from him; he would give her the shirt off of his back, if she asked for it. He would give her everything, if that would mean breaking all contact with her. In a few days, he would be a free man, and he could not wait to see Anna's face when he told her. Before leaving the building, he turned in the direction of Anna's office. Jane was sitting behind her desk and, looking up, she greeted him happily.

''John, what brings you here? You know that Anna is out with the girls?''

''Hi, Jane. Yes, I know. I'm actually here to see you.''

''Me?'' Jane asked, surprised, setting her pen down.

''Yes, I need a favour. Do you have a minute?''

''Actually I was just going on a break. Coffee?''

''That's sounds wonderful, but I'm buying.'' He smiled at her.

''All right, let's go.''

 **xXx**

It was Friday afternoon, and Anna turned off her computer, ready to go home. She had been feeling sick in the morning, and about an hour ago her head had started to hurt. She was glad a quiet weekend was ahead of her. Gracie had been picked up by Jane hours ago. Jane had asked her if Gracie would enjoy spending the entire weekend at her place. It was a surprising offer, really, but Gracie couldn't turn it down - spending three whole days with a favourite friend had sounded like a dream come true.

John had left the city three days ago; he'd had to go to a weeklong seminar in Manchester. She didn't really love the fact that he'd had to leave the city in such a hurry, but he was new in his job, and she knew that he couldn't say no to his boss. They had talked more than once on the phone and he had sounded tired, so she hadn't wanted to bother him with her feeling sick, so she hadn't told him. She knew he would have felt even worse if he had known she was sick and he wasn't there to take care of her.

While driving home, she could feel sweat beading on her forehead, and she was sure she had a temperature. ''Thank god,'' she mouthed under her breath when finally she parked the car in front of her flat. It was already 6 p.m., and she could not wait to take a quick shower and jump into bed, wearing John's shirt like she had done for the last three nights. It smelled like him, and it made her feel less miserable about the fact that he wasn't there. She took the bag of cold medicine from the passenger's seat and locked the car.

Taking her flat key out of her purse, she noticed the door handle wasn't hanging at the same angle as it had been when she had left the house hours ago. That was strange - even the flowerpot where she kept the spare key had been turned around. She stopped in front the door and listened - nothing. But she was sure something was off. No one except Mary and John knew where the spare key was, and they were both out of town - John at the seminar and Mary had gone to Glasgow with Matthew. So what was going on? For a brief second, she thought of Green. What if he was back?

Her hand slowly pressed down on the handle. She was right - the door was unlocked - but what she saw when she opened it was the complete opposite of what she had expected.

The hall was full of lighted candles, red rose petals were scattered on the floor and the stairs, soft music was coming from upstairs, and the house felt warm and welcoming.

''Anna?'' a familiar voice called from upstairs, but she didn't answer. She just stood in the middle of the hall with her mouth open and tears streaming down her cheeks. She was so mad at herself.

''Anna?'' he called again, and she could hear him coming down the stairs. John was bare-footed and wearing only a bathrobe. He was grinning like a fool, until he saw her pale face. He put the two champagne glasses he was holding down on the cabinet, and quickly made his way to her.

''Anna, what's the matter? Did something happen? Is Gracie OK?'' He quickly started to bombard her with questions. He hadn't expected that kind of reaction from her. He had been planning the whole thing for the last couple of days, and he had thought he had made the place look nice - more than nice. He felt bad about lying to her about why he had gone to Manchester, but the meeting with Vera had gone better than he had expected, and after so many years, he was finally a free man. He really hoped she wouldn't be mad at him for lying; he had wanted to tell her, but he hadn't wanted to raise her hopes. He had returned to London just a few hours ago, and had done his best to make the place look romantic...but maybe he had been wrong.

''What's wrong, love? Say something.'' Her silence was frightening him.

''I'm sorry,'' she said at last, looking up at him. ''I'm so sorry.'' She had finally understood what was he up to. Tonight was supposed to be the night for them.

''Sorry for what? Anna, you're frightening me.'' He took the bag she was holding, and took her hands in his, lightly squeezing them. ''What's the matter?''

''Look at this place,'' she said, looking over his shoulder.

''Did I do something wrong?''

''No,'' she cried, smiling at him through her tears. ''It's perfect. I just…''

''What?'' he asked gently. He didn't have a clue what was going in her head.

''I feel so sick, John.''

''What?'' His hand flew to her forehead, and he could feel that she was burning up. ''Anna, why didn't you tell me you were unwell?''

''I didn't want you to worry,'' she answered weakly. ''You sounded so tired over the phone. I didn't want you to worry about me, too. I'm so sorry!'' she said again, and started to cry again. She felt so bad.

''Sorry for what?'' he asked, pulling her to his chest and holding her close.

''For being sick!'' she sobbed, wiping her tears away with the collar of his robe.

''Sweetheart,'' he chuckled. ''Look at me.'' He lifted her chin with his finger. Her eyes were red from the crying, and he could see she was angry with herself. ''It's all right.''

''No, it's not. Look at this place! It's beautiful, and I can't even begin to imagine what you did with the bedroom. And here I am, all sick and tired, looking like a complete mess, and…''

''You look beautiful,'' he interrupted.

''Yeah, right. My eyes are all puffy, my nose is red…''

''You are beautiful,'' he repeated. ''Come here.'' He sat down on the second step, grabbed her by the hand, and pulled her down onto his lap. ''My god, you gave me such a fright.'' He wiped the tears from her face with his thumb. ''Listen, I'm not going to lie. I was planning to have my way with you tonight.'' He grinned, and they both chuckled at his choice of words. ''I planned everything over the last couple of days. I talked to Jane about Gracie spending the weekend with her. I even wrote down every single thing I wanted to do to you,'' he admitted.

''John, oh my god…'' She covered her mouth with her hand.

''And I also brought you something from Manchester,'' he smiled.

''What?''

''Here, open it.'' He pulled a white envelope from his bathrobe pocket and handed it to her.

''What is it?'' She took it from his hands and looked at him.

''Just open it…and I'm sorry I lied to you.''

''John, what are you talking about?'' What did he mean he was sorry for lying - lying about what? She nearly tore the envelope, and started to read the top page of a stack of papers. He watched carefully, and he could see her eyes widen when she reached the important part.

''You…'' She looked up from the paper. ''…she…you…'' Her brain was having a hard time processing what she'd just read: They had found Vera, he was finally divorced, …John was hers, at last?

''Why didn't you tell me?'' she asked him seriously, slapping him on the shoulder.

He could see she wasn't really angry, and he couldn't keep himself from grinning. ''I didn't want you to get your hopes up. Robert phoned me the other day, and we were on the plane to Manchester the very next day.''

''So you weren't at a seminar?''

''No… Robert and I had a meeting with Vera and her lawyer and, as you can see, we managed to get her to sign.''

Anna swiftly turned her gaze from him back to the papers. She had to read them one more time before she would let herself believe it was all true. When she came to the part that outlined the financial details, she had to blink a few times before understanding how much John had given up. ''John…'' She looked up in concern. ''What were you thinking?''

''What do mean? Aren't you pleased?'' The tone of her voice worried him.

''You've given her your car? And your flat? And don't let me start on the amount of money - she has completely robbed you! Did Robert go completely mad?!''

''Anna, Anna, hear me out. I don't care, don't you see? I don't care about my flat, my car, or my money. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life, and you deserve everything that is still good in this world. And I know I'm not worthy of you, and I thank god every day that I ended up on your doorstep six months ago. If I had to give up almost everything I own in order to be free for you, I did it gladly.'' He took a deep breath and continued. ''It's simple…I love you, Anna Smith, and if you still want me, homeless and penniless…I'm all yours.''

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her head stopped hurting for a moment and she just stared at his smiling face. His gorgeous hazel eyes were absolutely glowing with happiness. She had so many questions for him, but in the end, all she could manage to say was, ''You love me?''

''I love you,'' he repeated, and placed a kiss on her lips to keep her from replying. Her hands locked around his neck and she tried her best to kiss him back with the same force. When they ran out of breath, he pulled away slightly and rested his forehead on hers. ''I'm sorry for lying to you about Manchester.''

''Shhh. Take me upstairs,'' she whispered. He silently slid one arm under her knees and stood up with her in his arms. When he reached her bedroom, he gently eased her onto the bed, pushing the rose petals on the cover away. But when her hands tried to pull him closer, he stopped her.

''John…?'' She looked at him, confused.

''Not tonight.''

''But I want to.''

''And I want you, too, but not like this. You're sick. I'd planned to take care of your needs tonight, and that is what I'm going to do. Maybe not the needs I was planning to satisfy, but I don't mind. What you need most tonight is to rest and get better.'' He had been looking forward to this day, but sex could wait. His Anna was sick, and he felt bad that he hadn't been there for her, even though he hadn't known. So if their romantic weekend had to turn into him taking care of her, so be it. ''Come here.'' He lay down next to her and she gladly rolled into his embrace. She wasn't lying - she wanted him, maybe more than ever, but she also knew he was right. She was simply too weak to do anything more than sleep. He tightened his hold around her, and she inhaled his scent. He was wearing the cologne she liked on him, and she could not help nuzzling her head under his chin. He felt warm and soft against her, and she could feel one of his hands starting to trace small circles on her back.

''John...'' she whispered his name in the dark.

''What?''

''I love you, too.'' She had finally said it, not afraid of the L word any more.

''I know,'' he responded, and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. ''I know.''

* * *

 **BETA: ANNAMBATES! you are THE BEST!**

 **hello reader :D miss-ute loves you very, VERY much! thank you for all the F &F&R&PM :D ******


	13. M

**Chapter XIII**

''Mummy, where are my pink shoes? I want to wear them to the party!''

''I've already packed them for you,'' Anna called back, zipping her daughter's bag.

''Who is picking her up?'' Jane asked. It was Thursday afternoon, two days before Sybil and Tom's wedding, and Gracie was about to be picked by her uncle for a short holiday in York.

''My brother, James. He had a work thing in London, so he is picking her in a few minutes and taking her back with him. Are these the files?'' Anna pointed to Jane's hand, checking Gracie's bag for the last time.

''They are.'' Jane placed them on the table. ''So when will you be back?''

''Well, John and I have a flight to Dublin tomorrow afternoon, the wedding is on Saturday, and then we are flying to York to celebrate my father's 60th birthday. We should be back on Wednesday. But if anything happens regarding the case, promise me you'll call me.''

''Sure, sure - I'll call you. Don't worry! How is Gracie?'' Jane asked with concern. Gracie had broken her arm when she was spending the weekend at Jane's. It had been an accident; she and Freddie had been climbing a tree in the park, and Gracie had slipped and broken her left arm.

''Jane, I keep telling you that she's all right. The doctor said her arm is healing nicely, and we are getting the cast off in a few weeks.''

''I'm so glad she's all right. I was so scared that you'd kill me.''

''Jane, she is a 6 year-old girl, and these things happen. Don't worry - she is OK, plus having her arm in cast made her a little bit of a celebrity in her class, or that's what she tells me.'' Anna chuckled, but the truth was that she had been terrified when Jane had called to let them know what had happened. She was really glad that John had driven her to the hospital, considering how sick she had been, on top of everything else.

''He is late. Would you mind getting that, please?'' Anna asked her, when she heard a knock at the door.

''Sure.'' Jane walked to the door, and when she opened it, a tall, silver-haired, brown-eyed man stared back at her.

''Oh…I'm sorry, I think I've made a mistake,'' he apologized politely, looking a bit confused. Jane didn't say a word; she just stared at him with her mouth hanging open. Anna's older brother was hot, she thought to herself.

''Miss?'' His deep voice brought her back.

''Yes, sorry. You were saying?''

He smiled. ''I'm looking for Anna Smith. I thought that she'd given me this address, but I think I got something wrong.''

''No, no - this is Anna's flat. She's just helping Gracie finish packing, and she asked me to open the door for you. Please come in.''

''Oh, thank you...umm...sorry, I don't know your name.'' He gave her a gentle smile, which made Jane's heart stop for a second.

''I'm Jane,'' she managed to say, before Anna appeared behind her.

''James!'' Anna squealed, and threw herself into his open arms.

''Hey, little sis!'' he hugged her back. ''How is life?!''

''Well, you know, busy. Come in.'' She let go of him and dragged him inside. ''Jane, are you coming or not!?'' she called, when she saw Jane still standing by the door. Jane was lost in her thoughts, not quite believing that Anna's brother was such a catch.

''Gracie, Uncle James is here!'' Anna called Gracie. ''Come sit down. Are you hungry? I can make you something, if you want!''

''Anna, just sit down and relax. I'm good.'' James smiled at her, but Anna noticed that he could not seem to keep his gaze from drifting to her friend.

''So, this is Jane Moorsum.''

''Yeah, we met at the door. Do you work with Anna?'' he asked.

''Well, I work _for_ her actually; I'm her secretary,'' Jane smiled.

''Yeah, and I'd be lost without her, to be honest. Would you excuse me for a moment? I think my child got lost in her own house. I'll be right back,'' Anna excused herself, leaving them alone for a moment.

Returning with Gracie a couple of minutes later, she could hear both of them laughing.

''Uncle James!'' Gracie screamed in excitement when she saw him.

''Hello, poppet!'' James was on his feet in a second, pulling his niece into his arms. ''How are you? I see you still have your cast on.''

''Yes, will you sign it? I left an empty space for you and Granny and Grandpa to sign it.''

''Sure, I will. But not now. We have a flight to catch and I'm pretty sure we'll get lost a couple of times before we get to the airport.'' James wasn't often in the big city, and he always got lost when he was there.

''Jane can help you with that, can't you, Jane?''

''What?'' Jane asked, surprised.

''Well, you live near Heathrow, and I was just thinking maybe you could show James a short cut,'' Anna smiled at her friend.

''Would you really?'' James's polite and kind manner reminded Jane of Anna.

''Ummm...OK, sure,'' Jane smiled at him.

''Nice, thank you,'' he grinned, feeling grateful to his sister for encouraging Jane to accompany him. ''Where is that man of yours?'' he asked, shifting his gaze to Anna.

''He just popped out to get his tux for the wedding. He should be back any minute now.''

''I hope so. I've heard so many different stories about him from Mum and Dad that I can't really decide who I should believe.''

''Well, I hope you believe Mum's version,'' Anna smiled. She could only imagine what her father had told James about John.

''Of course I do,'' James chuckled, knowing well how difficult their dad could be. ''Shall we go?'' He smiled at Gracie.

''YES!'' she shouted happily, and ran to the hall to put her coat on.

''Miss Moorsum?'' he said, and let her walk ahead of him. Turning to Anna, he mouthed, ''She is gorgeous!''

Anna laughed and smacked him on the shoulder. ''James, she is my friend, so please be nice.''

''I'm always nice!'' he winked at her, and walked into the hall. ''OK, who is ready to go?''

''I am! I am!'' Gracie jumped up and down frantically.

''What about a goodbye kiss?'' Anna opened her arms and Gracie didn't lose a second before jumping into them. ''Be a good girl, all right? And I'll see you in a couple of days.''

''Yes, Mummy!''

''How about me?''

The four of them turned toward the door and saw John standing there with his tux over his arm.

''Bye, John!'' Gracie ran to him as he knelt down to hug her. She placed a kiss on his cheek.

''Bye, beautiful! Have fun, all right?'' he said, returning her kiss.

''I will.''

John stood up and kissed Anna's cheek, then turned to her brother. ''Hi! You must be James.'' He extended his hand. ''Nice to finally meet you.''

James smiled and took the offered hand. ''I am, and you must be John.''

'Yes. How are you?''

''I'm good, but to be honest, you're not quite what I was expecting.''

''James!'' Anna slapped him, but John only laughed.

''Hey! I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just that the way Dad described him, he should have three heads and fire should be coming out of his mouth,'' James chuckled, looking at his sister.

''John is very nice,'' Gracie interrupted her uncle seriously, which made him smile.

''Is he?'' James picked her up.

''Mhm.'' The little girl nodded.

''Then I shall believe _you_ and not our old Grandpa!'' James replied. ''We need to run now, but I'm looking forward to getting to know you more next week.'' James shook John's hand one more time, and after they said their goodbyes, Anna and John were by themselves on the front steps.

''Alone at last,'' John chuckled, waving as they pulled away.

''I already miss her.'' Anna rested her head on John's shoulder.

''I know. But she's going to be fine, and we'll see her in a couple of days.'' John squeezed her upper arm and closed the door behind them. ''So what's the story behind your brother?'' He placed his tux on the couch.

''What do you mean?'' Anna looked at him.

''Well, don't get me wrong, but he isn't what I was imagining, either. He looks completely different to you.''

''Oh, that,'' she said, finally understanding what he was talking about. ''James is adopted.''

''Oh?''

''Yeah, my parents tried for years to have a child, but finally decided that adoption was their only chance. He was 3 years old when they adopted him.''

''And his real parents?''

''All we know is that they died in a car accident when he was a baby.'' She stepped toward him and it didn't take him long to envelop her in his arms.

''What about you?''

''Well, I was - as my mum likes to put it - their little miracle. They had completely lost hope of ever having a child of their own, and were already talking about adopting a second child when Mum's doctor told her the news,'' Anna explained.

''Thank god for miracles, then, hm?'' he smiled, and kissed the top of her head.

 **xXx**

Anna was sitting on her bed, concentrating on her computer screen, when John walked in. He'd just had a shower; his hair was still wet and he was wearing black pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt. ''What are you reading?''

''Oh, just something for the new case,'' she answered, without looking up.

''Oh? Anything interesting?'' he asked, placing his wet towel on the radiator.

''Not really. I mean, I really already know all this stuff.''

John sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at her. She was wearing light blue shorts and a white top, her golden hair tumbling down her back, and she was completely engrossed in her reading. ''Anna, it's almost eleven. Don't you think you've done enough for today?'' She didn't even hear him, and he chuckled to himself. When she was on a case, her mind tended to get very distracted. She really tried to do her best when it came to her clients. He slowly crawled toward her and closed her laptop gently.

''John, just give me a minute. I have to read this.''

''I think you've already read that thing more than ten times,'' he laughed, placing the device on her nightstand.

Anna bit the inside of her cheek and smiled. ''Actually I've read it fourteen times.''

''What?!''

''Well, I need to be prepared when I come back. You know I'm working with Ms. O'Brien on this one, and she can be such a pain in the arse sometimes.''

''I know, I know, you've told me about her. But right now we have the house to ourselves, and your boyfriend feels a bit neglected,'' he said, pretending to pout.

''Oh, really?''

''Mhm.'' He nodded, his hazel eyes betraying a spark of mischief.

''Oh, you poor baby, you. I'm _so_ sorry.'' She grabbed him by the t-shirt and pulled him closer to her, so that his face was just an inch from hers.

''What do you want?'' he whispered, grinning at her like a fool.

''All I want is your lips on mine,'' she murmured, and before she knew it, he'd closed the gap between them. He kissed her gently, then let his lips drift slowly from her mouth, down her neck, and up again toward her ear, as she clung to him for dear life. He was nibbling the soft, silky skin under her ear when he felt her small hand start to untuck his t-shirt from his pyjama bottoms.

''Anna?'' He stopped, looking her directly in the eye.

''Well, as you said, we have the house to ourselves,'' she giggled.

''Are you sure?'' He was still not sure if she was joking.

''I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life.''

''But I don't want our first time to be…''

''John, please. We've waited for a long time - too long, if you ask me.''

''You were the one who was sick, not me,'' he teased playfully, and she couldn't help but giggle at his remark. ''Are you really sure?'' he asked again, when they had both stopped laughing.

''Yes, John, please…make me yours,'' she whispered in his ear, and as she pulled back, she could see his eyes darken.

He didn't say a word, simply moving his upper body over hers. They spent the first couple of minutes just kissing, but then Anna lowered her hands impatiently and started to untie his pyjama bottoms. She untucked the rest of his t-shirt, and he quickly pulled it over his head. Her hands immediately began running through his chest hair. He felt so soft and hot under her touch.

''I love your chest,'' she whispered, as he placed wet kisses on her neck.

''What?'' he chuckled, and raised himself on his elbow to look at her. My god, she looked marvellous - her golden hair spread on the pillow, her lips swollen from the kissing, a raw passion in her eyes.

''I love your chest,'' she repeated, and placed a kiss in the hollow of his throat. ''I've loved it since I ended up in the wrong bedroom on New Year's Eve.''

He laughed and kissed her. ''Well, if I remember correctly, you didn't play very fair that night.'' He was remembering how she had asked him to turn around while pulling her dress on, after having seen him without any clothes at all.

''I don't think you missed much. My breasts...they aren't…''

''What?''

''Well…they are a bit...small, you know…'' she laughed, but he could see she was a little uneasy. She didn't have any confidence when it came to her breasts; Paul had always teased her about their size.

John kissed her reverently. ''May I?'' he asked, his hands on her top. She gave him a weak smile and nodded. He slowly pulled the top over her head and forgot to breathe for a second, as he took in the sight of her pink lace bra. ''You are perfect,'' he stated simply, as he buried his face in the valley between her breasts. He placed a few open-mouthed kisses there and started to lick and nibble his way down. When he was just above her navel, he stopped and looked up. Her eyes were closed and he could see that she was trying to concentrate on his touch. John smiled and came up to face her.

''Anna, open your eyes,'' he whispered, while taking her earlobe into his mouth and gently biting it.

She opened them and met his gaze with hers. He was smiling, and a few cute crinkles appeared at the corners of his hazel eyes. ''You are beautiful, more beautiful than I can even express,'' he said seriously. He needed her to believe him; he didn't want her to feel insecure about her body, because the truth was that her body was flawless. ''I should be the one feeling insecure.''

''You are gorgeous,'' she replied simply, resting her palm on his cheek. He turned and placed a soft kiss on it.

His hand slid to the waistband of her shorts, easing them down slightly, and she pushed her hips up so he could remove them. She was wearing a pink thong to match her bra, and when he raised himself on his knees and looked down at her, he was sure that he was the luckiest man on earth.

''What?'' she asked, fighting an urge to cover herself. It had been so long since anyone had seen her in just her underwear.

He smiled down at her, but didn't say a word. Lowering himself back down, he could feel her shift. She locked her hands around his neck and pulled him closer so that his chest finally came in full contact with her skin. He ran his hand over her hip, down her thigh, encouraging her to slide her legs around his waist. For a moment he was afraid his weight was too much for her and tried to move away, but she tightened her legs around him, holding him in place.

''I'm not letting go of you,'' she smiled, when he looked up. He turned them over, so he was lying on his back and she was straddling him. ''I think you are a little overdressed, Mr. Bates,'' she whispered, pulling his pyjama bottoms down his legs. They were now both wearing nothing but their underwear, and she could see the state he was in. My god, Anna thought to herself, biting her lower lip. She tucked her fingers into the waistband of his boxers, and was trying to pull them off, when he sat up and locked his arms around her waist. ''Oh, nooo...not yet!'' he smiled.'' She furrowed her brow, not knowing what the problem was.

''I'm a gentleman, and you are my priority. So please lie back and enjoy!'' he added huskily, making Anna gasp in anticipation. Rolling them over, he gently pushed her back onto the mattress so she was now lying under him once again.

''What is it?'' she tried to ask him, but his hands were already under her back. Looking up he silently asked for permission, which she granted with a nod. His large, gentle hands unclipped her bra with ease, but she could feel them trembling. Was he nervous? Because she definitely was. Placing a few feathery kisses on her collarbone, he slowly pulled the bra straps from her shoulders. As he finally removed and tossed it to the other side of the room, he inhaled sharply and felt himself harden even more. She was absolutely gorgeous.

Her rosy nipples were pleading to be touched. ''Anna, my god...'' he whispered, not believing she was his. He took her right nipple into his mouth and groaned when she arched against his lips. She tangled her fingers in his dark locks and tried to focus on his wet tongue making small circles around her nipple.

He sucked a few times more before moving to give the other breast the same attention. She gasped, which only made him bolder. He ran his thumb over her nipple and Anna threw her head back, moaning loudly.

''Anna?'' he whispered, looking up.

''Please don't stop,'' she pleaded, her eyes clenched shut. Every move, every touch was like heaven to her. He knew what he was doing, and she could not believe how good he was making her feel.

John left open-mouthed kisses on her collarbone, neck, and finally her lips. She kissed him back with such force that he almost forgot to breathe. He left her lips and once again concentrated on her upper body. He lightly kissed, licked, sucked, teased her hardened nipples with his tongue, and the little sounds coming from her spurred him on. He wanted her so much, but he had decided many sleepless nights ago that their first time would be all about her and not him.

His hand slowly travelled down and stopped just an inch above the wisp of material covering the last part of her body. She could sense he was close and she lifted her hips, hoping he would understand what she wanted…and needed. And he did. He tucked his finger inside her thong and slowly pulled it down. She was now completely naked under him. He let go of her and sat up.

''No, no - come back, please.'' Her eyes shot open and she tried to pin him back down with her legs, but he was too strong. He stood up and walked around the bed, and before she understood what he was doing, he grabbed her under her knees and pulled her toward him, so she was lying on the edge of the bed. It took him just a second to kneel down and rest her legs around his shoulders and back.

''What are you doing?'' She raised herself up and looked in his direction, already suspecting what he was going to do - something that Paul had never done, always claiming it wasn't his thing.

He looked up and he could see the worry in her eyes. ''Well, I thought… Would you prefer that I didn't?'' He didn't want to do anything that could make her uncomfortable.

''Umm, well…the thing is…''

''What is it?'' He could see the blush rise in her cheeks.

''I'm not trying to kill the mood here, but you do know that Paul was my only…you know...''

''Yes? And...?'' He wasn't sure what was she trying to tell him.

''He never…umm...I mean he never tried anything like this...'' she admitted, feeling a little ashamed.

John's eyes widened in surprise. What the hell was wrong with this Paul guy? Not only had he abandoned her and Gracie, it sounded like he'd never loved her the way any woman deserved from her man, especially a wonderful woman like her. ''You mean, like, _never_ never?''

She nodded and threw her head back on the bed, covering her eyes in embarrassment.

''Well, I want to do it, but only if you want me to.'' He waited for her to respond. ''Anna?'' When she still didn't say a word, he took matters into his own hands. He started to gently kiss her inner thigh and he could feel her tightening her legs around him a little. He could sense that she was ready for him. He used his left hand to slowly, gently spread her apart and before she knew it, his mouth was on her. Her hands tangled in his hair, instinctively pushing him down, and she could feel his tongue increasing its pressure on her.

''Ohhh, my gooood...'' she gasped, and that gave him even more courage to continue. He slipped his free hand around her and brought her even closer to his face. He was lightly sucking and licking when he felt her hips started to move with the rhythm of his tongue. She was perfect – soft, warm, and so very wet. He was slowly working his magic on her and just when she thought it couldn't get any better, one of his fingers gently entered her…and then another one.

''Mr. Bate-…ahh...just…god...'' She knew she wasn't making any sense, but she didn't care. Her head was spinning, and she could feel heat building inside her. He increased the pressure and quickened the movements of his fingers, and after just a few more strokes, she came undone. Her whole body tensed, her grip on his hair tightened, and her legs started to clench around his head. He pulled away just in time to observe her body overcome with waves of pure pleasure. She was gorgeous, he thought to himself, looking at her body trembling. He lay down next to her and held her close. Placing feathery kisses along her side, he waited for her to come down from her high.

When she opened her eyes and turned her flushed face toward him, she could see he was beaming, pleased to have been the first to give her that kind of pleasure.

''Was that all right?'' he asked playfully, his hair all mussed from her hands and looking younger to her, somehow.

''Umm…more than all right…'' she exhaled. ''Thank you…''

''It was my pleasure,'' he smiled. As he kissed her, she could taste herself on his lips. ''Ready for more?'' he whispered.

''There's more?'' she smirked, as he placed himself between her legs.

''That was just the beginning, my dear.''

''Oh, really?'' She giggled and pulled him into an open-mouthed kiss, which he quickly deepened. She knew he'd taken his time with her and ignored his own needs, but now it was time to focus on him. Her hand travelled slowly over his soft chest, down his torso. She could feel him pressing against her belly, and when she finally reached her destination, she cupped him though his boxers. John groaned into her mouth, and she could feel his hand lightly stroking her breast.

''Mr. Bates, is something the matter?'' she teased.

''Anna…this is not the right time or place to be calling me by my last name,'' he rasped, although she knew he secretly loved hearing her call him "Mr. Bates."

''Oh, I think this is the perfect time,'' she whispered, and slid her hand inside his boxers. He was so hard and ready for her, and she stroked him up and down a couple of times.

''Anna! Shi…don't...please...'' he pleaded, closing his eyes in pleasure. Her small, strong hand around him felt so good that he was on the verge of exploding. But she just giggled softly and continued her movements until he grabbed her hand and pulled it away.

''Did I do something wrong?'' His eyes were closed and she could see sweat gathering around his temples and on his forehead. He was still holding her hand, trying to control his breathing, when he finally opened his eyes and smiled at her.

''No, you did everything right…'' He took another deep breath. ''It's just...after months of only looking at you and imagining us like this…I need you, I want you…please...''he begged in a husky voice, which she knew was reserved only for her.

''Who's stopping you?'' she teased and before she knew it, he'd pulled off his boxers and positioned himself between her legs. He shifted his weight onto his arms, lifting himself over her. ''May I?'' he whispered hoarsely, and she just nodded without saying a word.

Looking directly into her eyes, he slowly joined them together, both of them gasping when their bodies locked together for the very first time.

''Oh god, Anna, you feel so good…so tight around me,'' he groaned. ''Are you OK?''

''I'm perfect,'' she smiled, and tangled her arms around his back, pulling him closer. ''And _you_ are perfect. I love you.''

He smiled down at her. ''And I love you.'' Resting his hands on either side of her of her face, he brushed a few strands of her golden hair away from her eyes. ''Can I...?'' he asked after a bit, shifting his hips and praying she was ready, but still not quite believing this was really happening.

''Please do,'' she purred, and with that he started to move. He began slowly, trying his best to stay in control. It felt so good, so right, so natural being in her embrace…it felt like he was finally where he was meant to be, after too many years adrift. When his rhythm increased, he felt her tighten her legs around him, pulling him closer with her heels, forcing him to go even deeper. His mouth never left hers...all he could feel was her all around him, moving with him in the perfect rhythm he had set for them. He could feel he was close, but he needed to hear her one more time before he completely lost control. He pulled away from her lips and stared at her. Her eyes were still closed, and he could see her biting her lips, trying to muffle her moans.

''Anna-'' he gasped, once again increasing his tempo. ''Are you…are you clos-…my god...you feel so good!''

She opened her mouth to answer, but all he could hear was a quick, high-pitched "Mr. Bates...!" before her entire body convulsed beneath his, and he could feel her teeth sink into his shoulder. He pushed his hips into her twice more, and followed her over the edge.

''Oh my god...'' he choked, trying his best not to crush her, although he could not find any more strength in his body to hold himself up.

''This was…'' he began, trying to control his breathing and calm his overwhelming emotions.

''...amazing,'' she cut him off, pressing her open mouth to his neck. ''Don't...'' she said quickly, when she felt him moving away from her embrace.

''I'll crush you.''

''Mr. Bates, do not move!'' she ordered. She heard him chuckle. He was still inside her, and there wasn't a single word in the entire language that could describe the way Anna was feeling right now.

They lay together for few more moments - her legs still tangled around him, her arms holding onto his sweaty back, him placing soft kisses on her neck, mumbling sweet nothings in her ear, and trying his best not to move. When his weight became too much for her, she lightly nudged his shoulder and with that he rolled away from her, bringing her body close to his. She cuddled into him and rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart pounding, and she felt so completely loved and blissfully happy. They didn't say anything; the whole experience had been overwhelming for both of them. They simply lay together, holding each other. When John tried to pull the covers over them, he felt something warm slide down his chest.

''Anna?'' He looked down, but she didn't say a word. A wave of panic went through him. ''Anna?'' He took her face in his palms, and when she looked up, he could see tears falling down her cheeks. ''Oh my god! Are you OK? Did I hurt you?'' He knew he should have rolled off of her the moment they were done.

''No, no, John - stop it. I'm all right. I'm better than all right,'' she quickly reassured him when she saw the fear in his eyes.

''But you're crying?'' He looked at her, puzzled.

''Happy tears,'' she said, and leaned toward him, giving him a soft kiss on his mouth. ''Thank you,'' she added, when her lips left his.

''For what?'' He smiled down at her and moved a lock of her hair behind her ear. She looked even more beautiful ever. She was glowing, and he could see something new, fresh, in her eyes.

''For everything.'' She chuckled and ran her finger down his jaw. "This was…you were...amazing.''

He chuckled, but he could not help feeling just a little proud of himself. There were 14 years between them, and she could have easily found herself someone younger, stronger, sexier. But, no - she had chosen him, and he felt so very blessed. ''Miss Smith, you were unforgettable.''

''My god, look at me.'' She chuckled, wiping the tears away. ''I must look like a mess.''

''You look beautiful...you _are_ beautiful.'' As he leaned closer to give a kiss, she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

''What is this?'' she asked, frowning.

''What?''

''This.'' She pointed to his shoulder.

He tilted his head to the left and finally saw what she was talking about. She was pointing to the red bite mark she had made just a few minutes ago.

''Are those teeth marks?'' The moment the words came out of her mouth, she realized what was she looking at. ''Oh my god - I bit you!'' she gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

John couldn't help laughing. ''That, my dear, is proof of what a good lover I am.'' He grinned, adding, ''You should see my back.''

''WHAT?'' Anna squeaked. Sitting up on her knees, she forced him to lie on his side so she could look at his back. ''Oh, my gooood!'' His back was covered in long, red scratches. ''I'm so sorry! Does it hurt?'' She was shocked - she couldn't remember doing anything like that to him. She gently touched one of the red marks, and he twitched away from her touch. He wasn't going too admit it, but she had dug her nails pretty deep when she had reached her climax moments ago. But it felt heavenly to him to know she had enjoyed every minute of their lovemaking.

''I'll survive.'' He smiled and lowered his gaze to her breasts, which were now just an inch away from his face.

''John…'' she shifted her eyes from his back to his face, and she could see him grinning. ''Mr. Bates...'' she scolded playfully.

''Yes?'' he answered, his eyes still focused on her body.

''I'm trying to apologize to you.''

''No need,'' he whispered, and before she could say anything more, he took her nipple in his mouth. Her head fell back at the contact, and her eyes closed. Cradling his head with her hand and pulling him even closer to her, she tangled her fingers into his soft, dark hair. Before she knew it, he had pushed her down and had once again covered her body with his.

They spent the night kissing, teasing, licking, stroking, sucking, moaning, biting, exploring, tickling, laughing…and scratching. ;)

* * *

 **beta: ANNAMBATES I LOVE YOU! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :) :) THANK YOU! ******

 **this is my and annambates first M rated chapter :D so tell us what you think, all right?! :D thanks for reading! *******


	14. Letalo

**Chapter XIV**

John was snoring lightly against her shoulder when Anna woke up. It was still dark outside, and the only light in the room was a small bedside lamp that they'd forgotten to switch off hours ago. She could feel his fuzzy chest pressing against her back, and his arm was wrapped protectively around her middle, holding her close to him. As slowly as possible, she shifted around to face him, trying not to wake him up. He looked so peaceful sleeping next to her, his dark hair messy, his lips turned up into a boyish grin, even in his sleep.

She just stared at him for a while. Maybe their first time hadn't happened the way he had planned, but when she had seen him a couple of hours ago, the way his eyes were staring at her – full of love and adoration, she knew he didn't have to give her candles and roses to make her feel special and wanted. He alone was enough to make her feel those things and more.

When his finger twitched against her, she remembered – his feathery touches all over her body, his wet lips on her breasts, his gentle tongue on her skin, his body weight hovering over her, his hardness inside of her. My god, the man knew what he was doing with every step he had taken. Every move, every touch, every bite and lick was made for only one reason…to please her and only her. She didn't have much experience, but she tried her best to follow his lead, and by the look on his face she knew she had done better than just all right. She peeked over his shoulder. Looking at her alarm clock, she could see that it was only half past five. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and quickly fell asleep again.

Just two hours later, John opened his eyes. Anna was still cuddled next to him, her arms resting on his chest, almost clutching onto him. He didn't want to leave the warm bed, but he needed to go to the toilet. He slowly moved away from her, and he could hear her groan in protest.

''Where are you going?'' she mumbled without opening her eyes, burrowing her face into his pillow.

''I'll be right back,'' he whispered, pulling his boxers on and disappearing into the bathroom. When he returned, he could see her lying on his side of the bed with her naked back exposed to him. Her golden hair lay over her shoulder, and he couldn't help smiling. He pulled the covers away and lay down next to her. Pressing closer to her, he placed an open-mouthed kiss between her shoulder blades...and then another one and another one, until he heard her giggle, and he couldn't help but chuckle, too.

''That tickles,'' she murmured, as he was making his way down her spine.

''Oh, really?''

''Mhm.'' She turned her body to face him. ''Good morning.''

''Good morning.'' He moved up to lie on his back and pulled her into his open arms. ''Sleep well?''

''Yes. And you?'' she asked, resting her head on his chest, her eyes closed.

''Ohh, yeah.'' He chuckled, and before he could say anything more, he could feel her steady breathing again. She had fallen asleep, and he really didn't blame her. They had been awake most of the night. Their flight was in the late afternoon and considering they had already packed their suitcases, he could easily imagine them spending the whole morning in bed. For that matter, he definitely wouldn't mind spending his whole life like this - resting with her in his embrace, her nose twitching unconsciously, her warm breath on his chest, her naked body pressed against his. This scenario had played in his head for the last couple of months, and he had to stare at her for a few more minutes to believe it was all really happening.

He'd had to wait 42 years to finally understand what it meant to make love. He had slept with more than a few women when he was young and stupid, and he'd thought sex with Vera had been good. But this…my god…this was _unforgettable_. Every kiss, every touch drove him wild. They hadn't made love with just their bodies; they had made love with their souls, too, and he knew that they had both felt it.

For the first time since they had become a couple, he was thankful that he was older. If he had been a young man, his body would have betrayed him the moment his eyes had rested on her naked figure. She was perfect, and the image of her face when she had reached her climax for the second time would stay burned in his brain till the day he died. She was amazing...and the way her body had responded to his touch had left him breathless. He had to admit that he was more than a little proud of himself, knowing she wasn't disappointed in his performance. Their bodies had moved in perfect harmony. Feeling her everywhere around him, her strong legs pinning him down without any intention of letting him go, her arms locked around his back, encouraging him to go faster, her face buried in the crook of his neck, begging him not to stop, her nails buried deep in his skin without her realizing it...it had all been overwhelming.

He had really tried to take his time, tried to show her how much she meant to him, how thankful he was that she had come into his life and turned his life around…how much he loved her. Their first time hadn't happened the way he had imagined, but she had wanted him, she had wanted this to happen, and he was a weak man when it came to granting her wishes. The house had been empty, with no fear of a 6 year-old barging in, they loved each other, and they had both wanted it to happen. It had been slow, gentle, playful, fast, sweaty, hot, wet, unprotected, breathtaking, erotic, se-… _shit!_ He froze. What a complete idiot he was! It had totally slipped his mind! He had carried a pack of condoms in his wallet from the day Anna had told him she wanted to take things further. He hadn't known when or if it would happen, but he had wanted to be prepared. And now here he was, lying next to her, after what was probably the best night of his life, realizing how thoughtless he had been. It wasn't that he didn't want kids; he did, and just thinking about Anna being mother to little Bates babies warmed his heart. But it was far too soon, and he didn't even know what her opinion about the whole baby thing was. She already had a child, and her career was finally starting to flourish.

''John?'' Her voice brought him back to reality.

''Yes?''

''Stop it.''

''Stop what?'' He frowned, not knowing what she was talking about.

''Brooding,'' she answered, and made herself even more comfortable next to him.

But he couldn't. How could he have been so stupid!? When he didn't respond, she opened her eyes and looked up. His face was serious, and for a moment she was afraid that he was thinking they had made a mistake by finally sleeping together.

''John? What's the matter?''

''Anna...''

The hesitation in his voice really made her wake up completely. She sat up, leaving his warm arms, bringing the sheets to cover her body, and stared at him. ''Are you having regrets?''

''What?'' How could she think that? ''No, no, I could never regret this...us,'' he said quickly, sitting up and cupping her cheek when he saw the fear in her eyes. For a second, he hated Paul even more for hurting her like that, for making her doubt herself...and doubt him and their love. ''I love you, Anna. The last two months since we've been together have been heaven on earth for me. And last night was…amazing...perfect, even. You've made me feel so much all at once. I have never felt this way before, never in my entire life.''

''But what is it, then?''

''Well…ummm…it's all my fault, really...''

''John! Just come out with it.'' He was really starting to make her feel nervous.

''We didn't use anything,'' he finally said, and waited for her reaction. When he saw her staring at him, not quite understanding what he meant, he added, ''I did have a thing in my wallet, I swear…look.'' He reached across her to his nightstand and grabbed the wallet. He opened it and took a condom pack out of it. ''See? It's just...I didn't plan for it to happen, and then you said you wanted to and…I mean, I'm not saying it's your fault, because it isn't, I should have prepared myself before…''

''John...'' she began, but he just continued talking. ' _'John_.''

''What?''

''It's all right. I'm on the pill,'' she explained, smiling at him. He really was the cutest thing when he was nervous.

''What?''

''I'm on the pill.'' Paul and she had always used condoms when they were together, and she knew from experience that they weren't always reliable. She wasn't taking any chances this time. She knew nothing was 100% sure, but she was done with latex.

''Ohhh. Since when?''

She chuckled and leaned closer to him. ''Since we decided to take things further,'' she said, giving him a peck on his lips. After kissing her back, he asked, ''So you were planning this, hmm?''

''Planning, hoping, dreaming….you name it, I did it all.'' She giggled.

''Oh, really?' He chuckled and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her back down onto the bed. ''That's very racy of you.''

''I _AM_ racy,'' she replied, pretending to be offended.

''Oh, really?''

''Really!''

''Well, you will have to prove it to me some day.''

Anna sat up again and looked down at him, biting the inside of her cheek. She smiled. ''OK, Mr. Bates, I will.'' He couldn't have known how serious she was. He was only teasing, but Anna's brain was already making plans to prove him wrong.

''I can't wait.'' He ran his palm up and down her naked back. ''But until then, can you please come back?'' She didn't answer; she simply lowered herself back onto the bed, resting her back against his front. He gently hugged her around her middle and inhaled her scent. He could still smell his cologne on her body, and that reminded him of the previous night.

''Are _you_?'' he asked, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

''Am I what?''

''Having regrets.'' He needed to ask.

''Never.'' She turned to face him. ''It was…well, it was bloody fantastic.'' She giggled. ''I mean, I don't have a lot of experience, but the things you did to me last night…'' She exhaled, feeling hot just thinking about it. ''Thank you.''

''Oh, no, no - thank _you_ , Miss Smith.'' He kissed her cheek. ''You were amazing, and I'm just glad and thankful you enjoyed it, considering what an old man I am.''

''Mr. Bates...'' She turned her whole body around, removing the sheets between them. She completely pressed herself to him, rested her hand on his chest, and started to play with the hair she found there. ''It was perfect... _you_ were perfect...and I still cannot believe you...um...kissed me...where you did...'' she whispered shyly. Her eyes were still cast down, but she needed him to know she had enjoyed every minute of their lovemaking.

Feeling her naked form against his, he forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths before replying. ''It was my pleasure.'' He kissed the top of her head and rested his arms around her body, bringing her even closer to him. It felt good to have her so close, her soft, milky skin next to his rougher body, her leg tucked between his, her breasts pressed against him. ''They are perfect, you know?''

''What are?''

''Your breasts.'' He knew he had already told her that the night before, but the thought of her feeling insecure about her body made his heart ache.

''You are a liar, John Bates.'' She smiled and looked up, and was surprised to see the serious look on his face.

''I mean it. They are just the right size.'' He lowered his hand and cupped her breast in his palm. ''See?''

Shifting her gaze from his gentle hand up to his face, she locked eyes with his. He had a twinkle in his eye now, but she could sense that he meant it. ''Really?'' she asked.

''Really.''

''Well, speaking of size...'' She lowered her hand and cupped him through his boxers. His body twitched at her touch, and he smiled at her. ''... _you_ don't have to worry, either,'' she said, biting her lower lip.

''I'm going to kiss you now, and then I'm going to make to love to you all over again,'' he whispered, making Anna's whole frame shiver.

''No matter how much I want you to do that, I think I need a hot bath first.'' The truth was that every muscle and bone in her body ached. She knew it was the best pain a man could give a woman, but it had been a very long time since she had been with a man, and John Bates was...well, to put it politely...he was a dream come true for any woman.

''Can I join you?'' he tried his luck.

''I thought you'd never ask.'' She wrapped herself in the sheet and stood up. Walking slowly toward the bathroom, she looked back over her shoulder. ''Are you coming or not?'' she asked him, letting the sheet fall to the ground. Grinning, he was out of bed and hurrying after her in a matter of seconds.

 **xXx**

''Why didn't you tell me earlier?'' Anna asked him, walking out of the toilet toward the boarding gate, trying her best to cover the right side of her neck with her hair.

''Well, it made more sense not to tell you,'' John laughed, walking just a step behind her.

She stopped in place, causing him to bump into her. Turning around to face his smile, she said, ''How does you _not_ telling me about my having a huge hickey on my neck make _any_ sense at all?''

''I don't know.'' He laughed some more at her pout. ''Oh, come on - don't be mad. I have more than one love mark on me.'' Taking his hand out of his pocket, he reached for hers. ''Plus...you can't really see it.''

She wasn't really angry with him. But at least now she knew the reason why the old woman by the check-in counter had given her a very disapproving look. ''Sure... _now_ , when I've put tons of powder over it.'' Taking his offered hand, she continued, ''Plus, I already apologized about...you know…'' She looked around to make sure there was no one listening near them. ''...your shoulder and your back.''

He could not help grinning at her. His back was burning, but it had been so worth it. ''Yes, you did. You definitely did.'' His mind instantly went back to the hot bath they had shared only a couple of hours ago.

She had to laugh at him - he looked like the cat that had gotten the cream. ''Behave,'' she warned, playfully pointing at him, which made him laugh even harder. They walked together, hand in hand, toward the gate.

 **xXx**

After the plane was in the air, Anna spoke again. ''John, stop it!''

''What? I'm not doing anything.'' He looked at her, puzzled.

''Yes, you are - you're grinning like a fool.'' She rolled her eyes, but in reality she really liked seeing him so happy, and knowing that she was the reason for it made her heart sing. ''You have 'I had sex' written all over your face.''

''Well, it's the truth,'' he whispered. ''I did - I had sex with the most beautiful, amazing woman in the entire world, and it was wonderful.''

''John! What's gotten into you?'' She had never seen or heard him behave like this.

He didn't answer; he just smiled at her and covered her hand with his larger one. ''Oh, you lawyers - why are you so serious when it comes to talking about sex?''

''What are you talking about?'' She looked at him quizzically.

''First Robert, now you. Is there a special lesson in law school, where they teach you that talking about having sex with your girlfriend is wrong?'' he asked playfully, but quickly stopped smiling when he saw her face.

''You've talked with Robert about us having sex?''

''Well, not really...'' His lips twitched in amusement.

''John! He is my boss!'' She nudged him in the side.

''Oh, come on, he's my best friend first. And we didn't really talk, he just asked me about how things were going between us.'' And it was the truth - the only time he and Robert had talked about sex was when Robert had asked him if they had already done it.

''Oh, my god.'' She covered her face with her hands.

''Aww, come on, like you have never talked about it with Jane.'' He laughed, giving her a pointed look.

Peeking over her hands, he could tell that she was blushing. ''You have, haven't you!?'' he chortled.

''Shhhh. We are on a plane, if you hadn't already noticed.''

''So what?'' He was surprising even himself, talking about such personal things on a plane full of people he didn't know.

''And for your information...no, I haven't,'' she lied.

''I knew it, you lawyers could never be racy,'' he smirked, leaning his head back against the headrest.

''Take that back!'' she laughed.

''Make me!'' he teased.

''Don't play with fire, John...'' she warned, but he only chuckled at her.

They had been in the air for about half an hour, when John sat up. ''I'll just pop over to the toilet. I'll be right back,'' he informed her. He walked down the aisle to the tail of the plane and stepped inside the toilet, but when he turned to lock the door, someone was trying to push it open. ''Just a minu-…'' he began, but a hand had already pushed him further in.

''Anna?'' he asked, surprised to see her there. ''What are you doing?'' She locked the door behind her.

''Shut up'' was all she said before closing the gap between them, finding his lips with hers, and deepening the kiss instantly. Her hands were on his belt and before he knew it, his zipper was down, his jeans soon following.

''Anna...'' he protested between heated kisses, but she had already tucked her hand inside his boxers, causing him to wobble in place. ''Shit!'' he groaned, closing his eyes and trying his best to maintain his balance. And even though his brain still didn't quite understand what was happening, his body certainly did.

''Open your eyes!'' he heard her say, and he did. She was smiling at him with a spark in her eyes, and he could not help but kiss her again. His hands cupped her face, then quickly made their way down, hitching her skirt up. His fingers searched desperately for the waistband of her knickers, but could not find it. His brain needed a moment to put two and two together, before realizing she wasn't wearing any knickers at all, and that she had planned this whole thing long before they had boarded the plane.

''Sit down,'' she ordered, and he obeyed without any resistance. She pulled his boxers down, out of the way, and before he knew it she had lowered herself onto him. ''Fuck!'' he rasped into her neck when she started to move, his hands grabbing her hips, encouraging her movements. She locked her hands around his neck and kissed him with such force that he thought he was going to lose it right there and then. When they both felt they were close, Anna left his mouth and buried her face in the crook of his neck, trying her best to muffle her moans. Taking his earlobe in her mouth, she whispered, ''Come on, Mr. Bates...'' Feeling her soft voice against his skin, he closed his eyes and raised his hips as best as the limited space allowed.

''An-…'' he began, but she cut him off, whispering more words into his ear. ''I love you, you know! I love how you make me feel special with just one stare. I love your hot, wet lips all over my naked body, your body weight on me, moving together in perfect rhythm…''

''For God's sake, Anna...'' she heard him groan, but she wasn't finished. ''You hitting all the right spots…over and over again until…'' That was it for him - he raised his hips one more time toward hers, and in that instant they could both feel a wave of heat flooding their bodies.

When they stopped shaking, Anna rested her forehead on his. ''Was that racy enough for you, Mr. Bates?!'' she asked lightly, laughing.

He wasn't able to say a word; he simply lifted his head and looked at her flushed face. Moving a few strands of hair behind her ear, he kissed her swollen lips and started to chuckle. ''My god...yes, it was.'' What they had just done was the complete opposite of what they had done the night before...not better, just different. This time she had been extremely daring, as well as in full control, and he had never in a million years thought she had it in her.

''I'm glad,'' she giggled, and slowly stood up, leaving his warm embrace. It took them just a few moments to make themselves presentable enough to leave the toilet. Unlocking and opening the door, however, they came face to face with one of the older flight attendants, who glared at them with her arms crossed on her chest.

''Are you finished?'' she asked them sternly.

Anna burst into quiet giggles, but John quickly replied, ''Yes, ma'am, we are.''

''Good. I would like to inform you that I've already let the pilot and Dublin airport know what was going on back here. You will have to talk with our representatives when we land.''

''All right.'' John tried unsuccessfully to hold back his laughter.

''What is wrong with you people?!'' she asked them severely, but they couldn't stop laughing. Anna's face was buried in John's chest, and the woman could see that there was no point in scolding them. ''Oh, just get back to your seats! And stay there!'' she barked after them.

When the plane finally landed, two uniformed men were waiting for them at the baggage claim. The men accompanied them into one of the offices, and after a long, stern talk and a warning, they were finally allowed to leave the room, a citation requiring a very high fine in John's hand. Walking out of the airport with their bags, they spotted Robert leaning against the car.

''What happened to you two? I have been waiting for you for the last hour,'' he said with a worried look.

''We had a slight problem with our new club,'' John said, opening the boot and loading the luggage.

''What? What club?'' Robert frowned.

With Anna already safely in the car, John leaned toward him and said, ''The Mile High Club, my dear fellow.'' He patted Robert on the shoulder and got into the car, leaving his confused friend standing there.

''What Mile High Club?'' Robert whispered under his breath, completely clueless.

* * *

 **beta: amazing annambates! THANK YOU! your emails are the best! ;))***

 **hello YOU! thanks for reading and reviewing! :D miss-ute loves you! :D*******


	15. Prvi prepir

**Chapter XV**

''Should I wear a tie or a bow tie?'' John asked, popping his head out of the bathroom, holding up one of each. Anna was sitting in their bedroom, putting her heels on. Having left the airport almost two hours later than they were scheduled to, they were now late for dinner with the Crawleys. Both Sybil and Tom had decided not to have a hen or stag party, so Robert had insisted on having a family dinner, the night before the wedding, in the hotel where they were staying.

''Definitely the bow tie. You look much smarter in it,'' Anna replied, without even looking up.

''Do I?'' He walked into the room. ''Would you mind helping me to tie it, please?''

''Yeah, sure, come here.'' As she stood up, he could finally see her dress. It was black and sleeveless, and ended at the middle of her marvellous calves.

''You look lovely,'' he said, kissing her cheek before handing her his bow tie.

''Thank you.'' She took the tie from him and, lifting his shirt collar up, she started to tie it. His hands immediately came to rest on her hips and gave them a gentle squeeze.

''Can I ask you something?'' he whispered. Keeping her eyes on her task, she nodded. ''What…'' He paused and took a deep breath. ''…I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but…what came over you on the plane?'' he finally asked. They hadn't really had the time to talk about what had happened just a few hours ago, and the memory of her pushing him into the toilet and demanding him then and there kept playing in his mind. He could see a light blush creeping onto her cheeks, but she didn't say a word. ''Anna?''

''John Bates…if you say a word about what happened on the plane to anyone, I'll hurt you.'' She straightened the tie and put his collar back in place. ''You hear me?'' she added, and finally looked up. ''Not a soul.''

Biting the inside of his cheek, he smiled back at her. ''Well, I have to tell you, I very much enjoyed it.''

''Yeah, I could tell.'' She giggled and locked her arms around his neck. ''I don't really know why I did it. It was just an irrational decision,'' she fibbed.

''Oh, come on, don't lie! You had planned the whole thing ahead of time,'' he laughed. ''You didn't have any panties on.''

Laughing, she finally admitted, ''OK, yes, I did. But it was all your fault. You were the one who wouldn't believe that I could do something like that. I almost chickened out, but after your comment about lawyers not being able to be racy, that was it. I was out to get you.''

''And can I tell you how glad I am that you got me? It was...amazing.'' He kissed her, but was interrupted when his phone rang. He kept one hand on her waist and pulled his phone out of his pocket with the other. ''Yes? Yes, Robert, we're coming. Yes….yes, all right, bye.''

''Have they already started?''

''No, they're in the bar waiting for us. We'd better go down,'' he said, letting go of her and grabbing his jacket from the chair. Taking her hand in his, they walked toward the door, when Anna stopped him. ''What's wrong?'' he asked, letting go of the knob and turning to look at her.

''I was serious earlier - not a word about what happened on the plane. It was a private moment between us and only us, and I don't want anybody to know about it, especially the Crawleys.''

''Us and the whole plane, you mean?'' He chuckled at her serious expression, but she smacked him on the shoulder lightly. No matter what the flight attendant had said, the other passengers on the flight hadn't had a clue what was going on at the back of the plane. She had only discovered them because she had happened to walk by as they had bumped heads while trying to make themselves presentable, and had then heard their unsuccessful attempts to muffle their giggles.

''John! Promise me.''

''I promise. My lips are sealed. See?'' He ran his finger over his mouth, pretending to lock it and throw away the key.

 **xXx**

''Here you are!'' Mary said, when Anna and John exited the elevator and made their way to the hotel bar. ''What took you so long?''

''John had a big decision to make about his tie,'' Anna joked.

''Yes, very funny, dear.'' John smiled at her. ''Mary, good evening to you, too.'' He kissed her cheek. ''Where is our bride-to-be?'' he asked, looking around the bar for Sybil, or any other Crawley family member, for that matter.

''The host just told us our table was ready, so I told them go ahead.''

''Very nice of you to wait for us.''

''Well, I'm actually waiting for Matthew. He's run to the loo,'' Mary admitted.

''Should we go in together or should we just…'' John began, when Mary interrupted, ''Here he is.''

''Anna, John.'' Matthew greeted them, nodding. ''How was the flight?'' he asked politely, taking Mary's hand.

''Ummm, it was good,'' John said quickly, when he sensed Anna pulling him toward the restaurant. Mary couldn't help but notice that, and she also thought she could detect a slight blush on Anna's cheeks.

''Shall we?'' Anna interrupted, when she saw Matthew starting to ask another question.

''Yes, yes, sorry, let's go. We're already late. Please.'' Matthew paused to allow Mary to walk ahead of him.

A waiter took the four of them to a private dining room, where the whole Crawley family was already seated – old Violet, Robert, Cora, Robert's sister Rosamund, Edith and her new boyfriend Bertie and, of course, Sybil.

''Finally!'' Robert greeted them, smiling.

''Good evening,'' John said, and approached Sybil, giving her a kiss on the cheek. ''How are you feeling?'' he asked her softly.

''I'm good, thank you, Uncle John.'' She smiled back at him. ''Anna, hello!'' The girls said their hellos and then all of them finally found their seats.

The dinner went extremely well. It wasn't anything elaborate, just an ordinary dinner with the family. They talked, ate, and drank...especially Robert, who made a speech about his little girl and told more than a few embarrassing stories about when she was small. He was in tears well before he finished - he just could not believe that his little girl was pregnant and getting married. As Robert told one story after another, Sybil was thankful that Tom was spending the night with his family and friends. But it was all good-natured, and everyone around the table knew it.

About two hours into the meal, the table still engulfed in happy chatter, a very tipsy Robert suddenly turned to John.

''John, can you please…'' he paused and burped lightly.

''Robert!'' Cora scolded him.

''Sorry, dear.'' He looked at her apologetically, and then turned his attention back to his friend. ''Can you please tell me more about your new club?''

''You're in a club?'' Matthew asked politely.

''Who is in a club?'' Mary quickly joined the conversation, which got the attention of the entire table. Even Anna was curious.

When Robert mentioned the club, John knew exactly what he was referring to, and he could feel a chill going down his spine. For god's sake, Robert, shut up, he thought to himself, while trying to think of anything to change the subject. But all eyes were on him, waiting for him to answer. They all knew that clubs weren't John's thing.

''Robert, you do know that I am not a club kind of man.'' He smiled faintly and looked at Anna, who still hadn't put two and two together. But how could she? She didn't know John had mentioned anything to Robert about the famous Mile High Club.

''But you said that you - and Anna, for that matter - were having problems with your new club. What was the name of it?'' Robert tried to remember. When Anna heard her name, it suddenly clicked. Looking at John, she lowered the fork she was holding - praying she was wrong - but knowing that she wasn't.

''Robert, it was only a joke, just forget it.'' John tried to dissuade his friend, feeling sweat gathering on his forehead. ''We didn't join any club,'' he added, looking around the table and hoping they'd believe him.

''No, no…just a second, it'll come to me.'' Robert was visibly racking his brain, trying to recall exactly what John had mentioned outside of the airport. After a while, though, the people at the table got tired of waiting, and considering that Robert had had more than one drink, they drifted back to their own conversations. John could feel Anna's piercing gaze on him, and he could feel her anger. And she had a right to be angry - he shouldn't have said anything to Robert. It was a private matter and Robert was, as she had pointed out on the plane, first her boss and after that a friend. The conversation around the table continued, when suddenly Robert exclaimed, ''I've got it...it's the Mile High Club!''

The whole table went completely silent. Even the waiters who were clearing the table stopped what they were doing. Everyone stared first at Robert, then shifted their gaze to John and Anna.

''What?!'' Mary looked at her friend in a shock. Papa must be wrong. Anna would _never_ have sex in a public place.

''Oh, Robert...'' Cora said, covering her face with her hand when she saw how mortified Anna looked.

''What?'' Robert asked, smiling, proud that he had finally remembered the name of John's new club.

''Papa...'' Sybil exhaled, but she could not keep a quiet giggle from escaping.

John did not say a word. He just stared at Anna's face, afraid to say or do anything.

''You mean…?'' Matthew began, when suddenly Anna stood up. Placing her napkin on the table, she excused herself and quickly left the room.

''Ann-...'' John called, but she had already closed the door firmly behind her, with no intention of coming back. ''Robert….'' he said through gritted teeth, adding, ''Excuse me.'' He gave the table a weak smile before rushing after her.

After they were gone, the group turned to Robert, who seemed puzzled by what had just happened.

''Oh, Papa...'' Edith said, feeling sorry for Anna.

''Well, well, I didn't know he had it in him.'' Matthew said, trying not to laugh.

'' _He?_ What about Anna?'' Mary said, feeling rather proud of her friend. She knew how Anna usually was about things like that.

''Should we go after them?'' Sybil finally asked, looking worried. She really didn't like seeing Anna or John upset or embarrassed.

''Oh, Robert, you're such an idiot. Look what you've done!'' Cora slapped her husband's shoulder lightly.

''What did I do?'' His face fell when he saw their expressions.

''Papa, do you even know what the Mile High Club _is_?'' Mary asked her father, but already knowing the answer.

''No, that's the reason I asked him,'' Robert said innocently. He really didn't have a clue. ''Is it something bad?''

Mary was opening her mouth to reply, when old Violet cut in. ''Oh, Robert, my dear boy…it means that they had sex on the plane.'' She calmly continued to eat her salad, while the whole family stared at her in shock. ''What?'' Violet looked at their faces in amusement. ''There were planes in my day, too.''

 **xXx**

By the time John left the dining room, Anna was already nowhere to be seen. He had really screwed things up this time, he berated himself, walking across the restaurant to the hotel lobby. He knew she was furious with him - she had been embarrassed in front of her colleagues and her friends. The look on her face when Robert had finally remembered had made his stomach turn.

He had never intended to let anyone know what had happened on the plane. He had known that Robert had no idea what the Mile High Club was and so had thought, when he joked about it at the airport, that there was little chance of him remembering what John had said, let alone mentioning it to anyone. How wrong he had been.

John wanted so badly to find Anna and apologize. He felt terrible about the whole thing, especially because she had asked him later, as they were getting ready for dinner, not to say a word to anyone about what they had done. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed her number. Nothing. She had turned her mobile off, and all he got was voice mail.

''John, you idiot!'' he muttered to himself, running his hand through his hair. He ran to the elevator and before he knew it, he was standing in front of their room. He let himself in, but the room was empty. He sat on the bed and dialed her number once again, and when a voice asked him to leave a message, he started to talk. ''Please, Anna, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot…can you please call me? We need to talk…'' He exhaled. ''I didn't tell him...I mean, I did, but it's not what you think…uhhhh...just…please...let me know you are safe.'' He ended the call, but could not help leaving another message, and then another, until there were probably at least 10 more messages on her phone. He grew more and more worried, and after 15 minutes of pacing around the room, he decided to go look for her again. He was desperate to find her and beg her forgiveness. Walking down to the lobby, he finally spotted her sitting by the bar. Thank god, he said to himself, and slowly walked in.

Anna didn't see him. She had taken a short walk around the garden, trying to process what had just happened. She was _furious_ with him. He had promised her that he wouldn't say a thing, but no, he was a man, and apparently he'd needed to brag to his mate. And the way the family had stared at her! She felt humiliated, and she dreaded facing them in the morning.

After getting all of his desperate messages, she had decided to torture him a little longer. She had seen the Crawleys leaving the restaurant and going up to their rooms, so she decided to have a drink in the bar. After dating for two months, this was their first argument, well, sort of. She knew he was sorry. She'd seen it on his face the moment Robert had started to talk. She understood that Robert was his best mate and that men talk just like women do. But she had asked him to not to say a word and he had done so anyway, and that's what hurt the most.

Before she even had a chance to finish her second mojito, the bartender placed another one in front of her. Seeing her puzzled look, he said, ''This is for you, from the gentleman sitting at the end of the bar.'' He nodded to the right.

Turning her head, she could see John staring at her with his gorgeous, hazel, puppy dog eyes. My god, the black suit he was wearing really did things to her, she thought to herself, and that face! Without saying a word, she shifted her gaze forward again. From the corner of her eye, she could see that he was not moving. Maybe he was waiting for her to give him some kind of sign that it was safe to approach her. After a few minutes, she finished her drink and reached for the one John had ordered for her. Slowly she took a sip of it, and when she turned her head in his direction again, she could see him approaching, a glass of orange juice in his hand.

''Hello,'' he greeted her quietly.

''Hello,'' she replied, turning away again.

''May I?'' he asked, and pointed to the seat next to her. She didn't say a word. She just nodded gently, and with that he sat down.

''Please tell me if I'm being too bold here, but why is a beautiful lady like you sitting here all alone?'' he asked, after some moments of silence. He turned his whole body to face her.

Taking another sip of her drink, she slowly turned her head toward him and answered, ''I'm waiting for my idiotic boyfriend to find me and apologize to me.''

''What has he done?''

Biting the inside of her cheek, she answered, ''He shared some extremely intimate information about us with my boss.''

''How very thoughtless of him,'' John said seriously.

''Yes, it was. Especially when he had promised me that he wouldn't discuss it with anyone. I'm very disappointed in him, to be honest.'' She raised her voice a little.

Her words really made him wince - disappointed was even worse than angry. ''I think…'' he started, ''...no, I _know_ he is sorry, I mean really, _really_ sorry for what he did... He didn't have any right to talk about your private life with your boss, even if your boss happens to be his best mate…and I'm pretty sure his friend had no idea what your boyfriend was talking about, because he is an idiot, too.'' Anna couldn't help but giggle at his remark. She was still mad at him, but she could see he was sorry.

''Men sometimes say or do things without thinking about the consequences, and I'm sure it was meant to be just a joke between two frie-…''

''So I'm a _joke_ to him? Our intimate relationship is just a _joke_ to him?''

'What? No, no, no, I didn't mean...look, he's a fool who is not worthy of you - that I can say for sure - and maybe…'' he exhaled and set his glass down on the bar. ''…maybe he is so in love with you that he can't quite believe you are his. I mean, look at you,'' he chuckled. ''You are breathtakingly beautiful, and any man would give anything to be with you. And I think he wants…no, he _needs_...to tell the world about you any chance he gets, so that he can believe this is really happening. He needs to tell the world about your ocean-blue eyes, which make him feel all warm inside every time you look at him...about your laugh, which gives him life….about your body, which I believe he has just recently discovered fits so perfectly with his…'' he paused, ''...and, of course, about your beautiful soul, which is what made him fall in love with you in the first place.''

John paused and took a deep breath. ''He made a mistake…a big one...and I'm sure at some point he will make another one, and another one after that, but at the end of the day all you have to know is that…he loves you, he loves you with all his heart…he loves you so much that he is afraid to fall asleep at night...because he might wake up in the morning to find out that you were only a dream. Without even knowing it, you gave him a reason to live, when he had once been so close to ending it all.''

He looked down, and could hear her holding her breath after hearing him talk about taking his life, but he wasn't lying. Vera had broken him when they were together. He had felt so worthless and hopeless when he was with her, and there had been moments when he had thought that the only way out was death. But then she had left him, and that had given him a chance to begin to heal his mind and heart.

She covered his hand with hers, and when he looked at her, he saw a tear sliding down her face. He brushed it away with his thumb. ''My god, John,'' she said gently. ''What did that woman do to you?''

''A lot of damage, but you have helped me to put the pieces back together, you and Gracie.'' He smiled at her weakly. ''And that's why I never want to cause you any suffering. I love you way too much for that. I'm so sorry about tonight. I didn't mean to hurt or betray you, and I swear that I didn't talk about it at all after you asked me not to. But I'd forgotten about the joke I'd made to Robert at the airport.''

''It's all right. Maybe I did overreact and…''

''No, you didn't,'' he shook his head in disagreement. ''You had every right to get upset. I shouldn't have even joked about it in the first place. It's no one's business but ours when or where we make love.''

''Thank you, John - it means a lot that you understand.'' Anna smiled. It was hard for her to hold on to her anger after he had poured his heart out so openly and honestly. ''Should we go upstairs?''

''Yeah. Let's go.'' He smiled back at her, very relieved that they had worked things out. After paying for their drinks, he took her hand in his and together they made their way up to their room.

 **xXx**

''You are late!'' Mary announced, opening the door for Anna.

''I know, I know. I'm sorry, but we overslept,'' Anna replied, entering Sybil's changing room with her bridesmaid's dress in her hands.

''I'll bet you were tired…you know, from the _flight_.'' Mary grinned at her friend.

''Mary! I thought we decided not to mention…you know…about them…'' Sybil scolded her sister and turned to Anna. ''Honey, we are so sorry about yesterday. We didn't want to embarrass you and…''

''It's all right. I've made peace with it, and Robert apologized when he stopped by our room a few minutes ago.'' Anna smiled.

''Oh, good…so can we get some juicy details now?'' Mary asked eagerly, zipping up Sybil's wedding dress.

''No, you can't.'' Anna smiled to herself and stepped behind the changing curtain.

''Oh, come on!''

''Mary, leave her alone,'' Edith finally spoke up, but Mary just ignored her, blurting out, ''Matthew and I did it in the pool.''

''Please don't tell me it was _our_ pool!'' Edith made a face.

''Yes, in OUR pool,'' Mary lied.

''Oh, my god, you two are gross.''

''Oh, Edith, like you and Bertie have never done it in an unusual place,'' Sybil said, standing up and checking her hair for the last time. Looking at her sister, she could see Edith was blushing.

''Aha!'' Mary started laughing. ''Where was it, then?''

''I'm not telling you that. It's private!'' Edith sat back on the little couch and crossed her hands.

''Spoilsport!'' Mary mocked her. ''Anna?''

''I'm not telling.'' Anna giggled from behind the curtain.

''Oh, come on! At least tell us if it was worth it?!''

Anna emerged from behind the curtain and smiled at her friend. The truth was that it had been amazing. She had never done such a thing; she wasn't the spontaneous type. But it had been worth it. ''Yes, it was, and that's all I'm telling you.'' She sat down on the bed and started to pull her heels on.

''So...age is no problem for our old uncle, hmm?'' Mary teased some more.

''Mary! What's wrong with you? We've known the man since we were in nappies!'' Edith protested.

''What? I'm just asking.''

''OK, stop, you two,'' Anna said. ''It was amazing, and Mary - no, he does not have any problems in that department. Can we now focus on our bride-to-be, please?''

''Oh, all right. Sybil, are you ready, dear?'' Mary turned to her sister, who had the biggest smile on her face.

''Yes, I am. Let's go!''

The girls escorted her to the car, which was waiting outside the entrance to the hotel. After a short drive they pulled up in front of the church, where Robert was already waiting for them.

 **xXx**

It was a beautiful wedding. Everyone could feel love in the air, and there were a lot of tears of happiness, especially from Robert. Anna and John's eyes were on each other through the whole ceremony, and neither of them had any problem imagining themselves standing in front of the priest, promising they were going to love each other till death do them part. When they were leaving the church and waiting for the car to take them to the reception, Anna thought she spotted a familiar face in the crowd.

''Thomas?'' She approached the man and laid her hand on his shoulder. ''It _is_ you!'' she smiled, when he turned around.

''Anna, hello!'' Thomas greeted her happily and kissed her cheek. ''Tom did say you would be here.''

''And why did no one tell me you were coming?!''

''I didn't know that I was coming myself, till the last minute. James was out of the country, and…''

''James, hmm?'' Anna bit the inside of her cheek. ''So the phone number worked?''

''It did.'' Thomas smiled back at her. ''Oh, here he is,'' he said, when he saw James approaching behind her. ''James, this is Anna.''

'' _The_ Anna?'' the young blond man said, and offered Anna his hand.

''What do you mean by _the_ Anna? What have I done?'' She smiled and shook his hand.

''Well, you are the reason I met this perfect man of mine.'' James grinned at his boyfriend and slipped an arm around his waist.

''I don't know about that, but I'm glad it worked out for you two.'' Anna was pleased to see that Thomas was happy.

''Speaking of perfect men, where is that man of yours?" Thomas asked. "I do hope you're still together!''

''Yes, we are.'' Anna blushed. ''He is…'' She tried to spot him in the crowd, but even though she was wearing heels, she still couldn't see him.

''Oh, there he is,'' Thomas said, pointing to the entrance of the church.

''Yes, I see him now. John!'' Anna called and waved him over. As he approached them, he quickly recognized the dark-haired man standing beside Anna. ''Thomas,'' he nodded his head in greeting. ''I do hope you're not here to steal her back from me,'' he joked, and took Anna's hand.

''No, you don't have to worry about that," Thomas chuckled. "This is James.''

They struck up a conversation while waiting for the cars, and Thomas explained to them how he had been invited to the wedding. Since they had met at the charity ball, he and Tom had discovered that they had similar hobbies, and they had become really good friends. Tom insisted on Thomas coming to the wedding, even though they had only known each other for a couple of months. After arriving back at the hotel for the reception, they had to laugh when they found out they were sitting at the same table.

The reception was absolutely perfect. There were tears, laughter, funny little stories about the bride and the groom, and heartfelt speeches full of hopes for the young couple. The party was in full swing when John returned to the table and sat down next to Anna.

''Where were you?'' she asked, taking a sip of champagne.

''Just doing stuff,'' he smiled.

''What 'stuff'?'' She eyed him with suspicion.

''You'll see.'' He winked and laughed.

''John Bates, what are you up to?''

Before he could reply, the DJ's voice echoed through the hall. ''All you lovebirds out there, please join us on the dance floor for this next song.''

After hearing the announcement, Anna turned to John, who had the biggest smile on his face. ''What did you do?" she asked playfully.

''Well, I was thinking…'' He stood up and offered her his hand. ''We don't have a song yet, so…''

''John…''

''Come.'' He grabbed her hand and when they reached the dance floor, the first beats of the song filled their ears.

''Oh, my god.'' Anna covered her mouth in surprise when she recognized the song. John just chuckled and pulled her body against his. Resting one hand on her lower back and taking her palm in the other, he pressed his cheek to her temple and slowly started to swing them to the rhythm.

 _''_ _When the night has come and the land is dark...''_ he started to sing in her ear, which made Anna laugh. She looked up into his eyes. ''How did you know?'' Somehow he had learned that this was one of her favourite songs.

''It's my duty to know,'' he said and continued to sing. _''No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me.''_ He brought her body even closer, and relished the feel of her completely pressed against him. She rested her head on his chest and let him slowly sway them to the rhythm of the song. She could hear him quietly singing the lyrics into her hair, and it felt wonderful. Everything around them completely disappeared, and it felt like they were the only people on earth.

Anna's heart swelled. John was the sweetest man in the entire world. She didn't have a clue how he had found out about the song, but it didn't matter. When the song came to an end, they just stood in the middle of the dance floor with their bodies still pressed together. It felt too right to let go of each other just yet.

''Thank you,'' she finally said, looking up at his smiling face and pressing a gentle kiss onto his lips.

''The pleasure was all mine.'' He was leaning down to return her kiss, when Tom's voice made them jump.

''Ladies and gentlemen!'' His voice echoed through the DJ's microphone. ''I would just like to say a big thank you to all of you for taking the time to be with us today. You all mean a great deal to Sybil and me for so many reasons, and we are very grateful to have each of you in our lives. Now, I know that my father-in-law wasn't very keen on me when we first met, but…''

''I still don't like you!'' Robert shouted, making the whole hall erupt in laughter.

Tom laughed, too. ''We don't have much in common, but one thing we both absolutely love - in addition to Sybil - is…karaoke!''

''What?'' Robert stood up immediately. He _loved_ karaoke.

''Come on up, Dad! The first one is all yours!'' Tom called, and Robert couldn't get to the microphone fast enough. But before jumping on stage, he stopped by Anna and John, who were still standing in the middle of the dance floor, grabbed John's arm, and started to pull him in the direction of the microphone.

''Oh nooo! Robert, let go!'' John protested, laughing.

''Oh, yeah, Johnny, come on, like the good old days!'' Robert pulled him onto the stage. Anna had no idea what was happening; she just stared at her boyfriend standing up there next to his friend. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but by the way his hands were flailing in front of Robert's face, she knew he did not want to be up there.

''Come on, Robert! I haven't done this in years!''

''Oh, just shut your mouth, Johnny boy! Take this!'' Robert shoved a microphone into his hand. ''Just sing! I've requested our song!'' He gave John a cheeky grin.

''You did what? You've got to be joking! And it's not _our_ song, it's YOUR song!'' John retorted.

''You'd better take off that jacket of yours - we'll be covered in sweat by the end,'' Robert laughed, shrugging out of his own jacket.

''Oh, come on…I'm too old for this shit!'' John unbuttoned his jacket and tossed it onto a nearby chair.

''Anna, what the hell is going on?'' Mary came up next to Anna.

''I have no idea,'' Anna giggled.

''Just listen.'' Cora's voice made them turn around.

''Mama?''

''Robert and John first met in a karaoke club when we were at university.''

''What?'' Anna laughed.

''Yeah, they were deadly drunk, and someone pulled them onto the stage together...and the rest is history.'' Cora smiled at the memory.

''Were they any good?'' Mary chuckled.

''You'll see.'' Cora nodded toward the stage when she saw Robert giving the DJ the signal to start.

''Ladies and gentlemen, please join us on the dance floor!'' Robert shouted into his microphone.

When the first notes filled the room, the crowd went wild. ''Oh, my god!'' Anna said, covering her mouth in surprise. Looking directly at John, she could tell that he was nervous, but when their eyes locked, he smiled and shrugged his shoulders, while pulling his shirt sleeves up, exposing his strong forearms to her.

''Come on!' Robert yelled. ''Sing with me - I know you know it!'' He jumped into the air a few times, getting in the mood.

 _''_ _Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen…Tonight we'll put all other things aside.''_ Robert started to sing and the crowd quickly sang with him. ' _'Give in this time and show me some affection…We're goin' for those pleasures in the night.''_ Robert ended his part and quickly shouted, ''John Bates, ladies and gentlemen!''

 _''_ _I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you. I want to squeeze you, please you,  
I just can't get enough and if you move real slow I'll let it go.'' _John started to sing and looked directly at Anna. She had been dancing with the girls, but on hearing John's voice, she turned toward him and started to laugh. My god, he was good, she thought to herself - he had a great voice! Singing the chorus of the song, he jumped down from the stage and as he moved toward her, the crowd parted for him. When he was just a few steps away, his hand reached for her waist and he started to swing her to the beat of the song. ''… _I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you.''_ He pressed her against his body as he sang, and tucking one of his legs between hers, he dipped her backward, then pulled her back up into a long, deep kiss, accompanied by whistles and cheers from the other guests.

When he pulled away from her soft lips, she was smiling at him. ''John!'' He had surprised her in a big way, but she didn't mind one bit. As he started to move away from her to join Robert back on the stage, she grabbed his tie and pulled him back for another kiss.

''Go on!'' she grinned, when she ended the kiss. He smiled at her, but instead of moving back toward the stage, he seemed frozen in place. ''Go!'' She nudged him once more. He gave her a peck on the cheek and ran back to Robert. Together they sang, jumped, and danced all over the stage, and Robert's prediction that they'd be covered in sweat when they finished had been right.

The song finally came to an end, but the crowd demanded one more…and that's exactly what Robert and John gave them.

* * *

 **beta: ANNAMBATES! HVALAAAAAAA ******

 **hello you :D yes YOU! :D thanks for reading and thanks for all the F &RF&PM...and YES you can get a fine for joining MHC ;) go Anna gooooo! :D**

 **songs: Stand by me - Ben E. King**

 **I'm so excited - The Pointer sisters ;)**


	16. Soba za goste

**Chapter VI**

''Are we there yet?'' Gracie asked impatiently - for the fifth time in the last ten minutes - from the back seat of her granddad's car.

''Yes, we are here,'' George answered, looking in the rear view mirror and turning the car toward the airport entrance. James was busy in the pub and Alice was putting the finishing touches on preparations for the party, so George was the one who had to go and pick up his daughter and _that guy_ at the airport. Gracie was thrilled to go with him. It had only been a few days and she had talked with Anna and John on the phone, but she could not wait to see them.

''Grandpa, can I ask you something?'' she inquired out of the blue.

George pulled into a parking space, then turned to face her. He could see her blue eyes focused on him, and he chuckled to himself, because she looked so much like her mother. ''You can ask me anything, honey.''

''Why…why don't you like John?'' she asked seriously.

The question took him by surprise. ''Why do you think I don't like him?''

''You said to Granny that you don't like him,'' she answered, without losing a beat. And it was true. She had been getting ready to go to bed the previous night, and when she had walked past her grandparents' bedroom, she had overheard them bickering about John and Anna. She didn't understand why they were arguing, but she had understood it was about John, and the thought that her grandpa did not like him really upset her.

''Oh, honey,'' he said gently, when he saw her eyes welling with tears. ''Wait a minute.'' He got out of the car and sat next to her in the back seat. Unbuckling her belt, he set her on his knees. ''Listen to me…'' My god, he thought, how do you explain to a 6 year-old girl how the grownup world works? ''…ummm, do _you_ like John?'' he finally asked.

''Yes.'' She sniffed.

''And why do you like him?''

''Because he makes Mummy happy…'' she stated simply, and her answer made George go all soft inside. She was only a child, but she could sense her mum being visibly happier for the last couple of months. ''…and we bake together and he knows all the lines from Frozen, like I do, and he likes Olaf, and he lets me stay up 10 minutes later than Mummy does before my bedtime. He can even read stories better than you, and…''

''He can read stories better than I can?'' he smiled.

Gracie nodded. ''Mhm, he uses voices.'' She felt a little better, seeing her grandpa smiling. ''But I don't like when they kiss…kissing is bad!'' She made a face and giggled. She had walked in on them kissing more than once since New Year's Eve.

''Do they kiss a lot?'' he asked, trying to sound casual.

''Yeah, all the time.''

George had to laugh. ''OK, Gracie - I'm going to tell you a secret, but you can't tell anybody about it, all right?''

''A secret?'' Her eyes lit up.

''Yes, a secret…'' He lowered his voice. ''I like John, too,'' he admitted for the first time, as much to himself as to her, and it was the truth. When they had talked at the park on Christmas, John's words had planted a seed, and now George realized that John was right. He didn't know the man, and he had jumped to conclusions before giving him a chance. And Gracie was right, too - Anna looked much happier when John was around. George could see his little girl finally coming back to life. It had just taken him a little longer to realize that the reason was none other than John. So for him, this week was not just going to be about celebrating his birthday. It was also going to be about welcoming John into the family…and apologizing to him. He had been unkind to him, and he felt guilty about it.

''Mum!'' Gracie's shout quickly brought him out of his thoughts. Gracie jumped from his embrace and started to open the car door as she saw Anna and John walking toward the car.

''Hello, you!'' Anna called and opened her arms for a hug. Placing a kiss on her cheek, she picked Gracie up and gave her a long squeeze. ''How are you?"

''I'm good!" she grinned at her mother. "John!'' she shouted again, when she saw him standing behind Anna. She let go of Anna and reached her arms toward him. John took her from Anna's arms, and Grace's little hands went around his neck immediately.

''Hello, beautiful.'' He smiled and kissed her head. ''Were you a good girl?''

''Mhm,'' she nodded her head, which was still buried in the crook of his neck. Looking up suddenly, she whispered in his ear, ''Grandpa likes you.''

''What?'' He looked at her, not quite sure he was hearing right, but before she could say it again, George's voice drew his attention.

''Hello. How was the flight?'' he asked both of them.

"It was good," Anna smiled, giving him a big hug.

''Can I help you with your baggage?" George turned to John and waited for a response. John really didn't know how react. He had spent the last week preparing himself to face Anna's dad again, and the last thing he was expecting was for George to be kind to him. ''Umm...yeah, sure.'' He gave him a shaky smile. Putting Gracie in her seat, he looked at Anna, who was sitting next to Gracie, smiling.

''What's going on here?'' John whispered to her.

''I don't know, but let's enjoy it.'' She was confused, too, but she wasn't going to protest. Was her father finally coming around? She really hoped so.

The drive back to York was a pleasant one. Gracie was once again in her element. She chatted happily, asking all sorts of questions about the wedding, but looked a little sad when Anna told her that Thomas had been there, too. Gracie absolutely adored Thomas. She had met him a few times when Anna had taken her to the office cafeteria. He had given her more than a few cupcakes when nobody was looking, and he had even looked after her when Anna had forgotten something in her office and had needed to run upstairs again.

''Oh, honey - don't be sad. He promised to come and visit you when he has some free time.

''He did?''

''Yes.'' Anna laughed; she knew her little girl had a soft spot for Thomas. And she couldn't blame her - he seemed to love children and was also a great friend. She turned her attention to her father. ''Dad, is everything ready for the party?''

''Well, you know your mother - she has everything under control, as always.'' George chuckled. ''But you should see for yourself,'' he added, and parked the car in front of their house. It was a small family home, and it looked very welcoming.

''So...this is where you grew up, huh?'' John asked, looking through window of the car, after George had gotten out.

''It is.''

''I like it.''

 **xXx**

After they unloaded the car, said their hellos, and had a cup of tea and a long chat about the weekend they had spent in Dublin, Anna offered John a quick tour around the house. It wasn't a big house, and the tour soon ended in front of the door to Anna's old room.

''And here it is - my room.'' She opened the door for him.

The walls were painted a light blue and all the furniture was white. There was a small table by the window, a huge closet near the door, and a neatly made bed stood in one corner of the room. ''Blue?'' he asked, turning to her.

''Well, I was quite a tomboy when I was little, and I fought with my dad about the colour scheme for quite some time before he finally gave in and painted the walls blue. He had wanted pink, but I hated pink - it was too girly,'' she explained, walking toward him. ''I don't care for the blue now, but don't go and tell my father about it,'' she giggled.

''I won't,'' he reassured her, and looked out of her window. Her room faced the garden behind the house, and he could see George by the shed, looking for something. ''Why is your father being so nice to me today?''

''I have no idea.'' She giggled and joined him. ''Let's just enjoy it.'' She slipped an arm around his waist.

He turned and pulled her into his arms. ''So, I need to ask you…how many boys saw the inside of this room...?'' he asked. Knowing George, however, the likely answer was pretty obvious.

''Well, let's see…there was the mail boy, David from next door, and...what was his name again…?'' She pretended to think.

''Oh, shush!'' he said playfully and stole a kiss from her, making her laugh. She kissed him back, slipping her arms around his neck, and just as they were about to deepen the kiss, the door of her room opened wide.

''Oy, enough of that you two!'' James laughed, covering his eyes.

''James...'' John coughed nervously, feeling himself blushing, and quickly let go of her.

''Are you here for a good reason?'' Anna scolded her older brother.

''Are you done?'' he asked them, with his hands still covering his face.

''James!''

''All right, all right.'' He uncovered his eyes. ''Believe it or not, yes, I _am_ here for a reason. Dinner will be on the table any minute now, and our guests have just arrived.''

''What guests? The party is tomorrow.''

''You'll see.'' James smiled and turned to John. ''Welcome to the Smith house, John. Oh, and before I go, Dad asked me to tell you that your room is ready for you.''

''What room?'' Anna asked.

''John's staying in the guest room. No action for you, little sis.'' James laughed again, and closed the door before Anna had a chance to protest.

''I knew it was too good to be true. I'm not a little girl any more! I can sleep in my bed with my boyfriend and...'' she huffed, when John's laugh made her turn to face him. ''What's so funny?'

''It's all right. I don't mind sleeping in the guest room. I mean, I'm not saying it's going to be easy sleeping without you, but this is your parents' house and we need to follow their rules, right?''

''But…''

''No buts. Let's go down.'' He took her hand and pulled her with him downstairs.

Walking toward the dining room, they could hear voices and laughter, and Anna immediately recognized the deepest voice. ''Professor Carson!'' She opened the door and came face to face with her old professor.

''Anna!'' he greeted her happily, giving her a hug. She had been one of his favourite students. ''How are you?''

''I'm very good, thank you. Mrs. Hughes - hello!'' She greeted the woman standing next to her.

''Actually, it's Mrs. Carson now,'' Elsie replied.

''What? You didn't?'' she squeaked happily. ''When?''

''Last month,'' the older woman said, and gave her a peck on the cheek.

''Congratulations! Finally!''

''What do you mean by that, young lady?'' Carson wondered what she was talking about.

''Well, we were all taking bets when we were at uni,'' Anna grinned. She was happy that they had finally taken the plunge.

''What bets?''

''On when you two were going to end up together,'' she admitted, and it was true - the whole school had suspected that something was going on between Professor Carson and Professor Hughes, but that something was keeping them from taking that next step.

''Oh, Charlie, come on. Even I made some bets on the very same thing.'' Elsie laughed and nudged her husband in the ribs, and before he had a chance to talk back, Anna turned to John, who was still standing quietly in the back.

''So, this is John.'' He shook hands with both of them politely. They were just starting to get to know one another, when Alice entered the room. ''Dinner is ready! Let's eat!''

The dinner went very well. They talked, Carson asked Anna about her new job, Gracie chatted happily with the whole table, and James made some jokes that weren't really appropriate for the dinner table, as George quickly pointed out to his son. Alice shared a long conversation with John, making sure he wasn't upset that he wasn't sharing the room with Anna. John talked with everyone except George. When dinner was over, the women quickly kicked the men out of the room, so they ended up in the sitting room, watching the game on the telly.

''Care to join me?'' George's voice took John by surprise. The older man was standing by the door with a wooden box in his hand.

''Yeah, sure.'' John smiled and excused himself, although James and Charlie did not hear him. They were too engrossed in the game.

John followed him down the hallway and entered the study when George opened the door for him. ''Please sit,'' he said, and John sat down quietly. ''Do you smoke?'' George asked, opening the lid of the box he had brought with him and offering him a cigar.

''Only when I'm upset,'' he admitted, ''...or nervous,'' he added, and gave the older man a weak smile. He knew exactly why he was here. It was time for the two of them to have THE talk.

''So, would you like one or not?'' George asked him again.

John took the cigar from him without a word and watched the man light his own cigar.

Offering the lighter to John, George began, ''John, we both know I wasn't keen on you when we first met, right?''

''No, you weren't,'' John said, taking his first puffs before inhaling deeply and blowing the smoke out through his nose.

''Yes...well, I hope I wasn't too hard on you on Christmas Day...''

''We both know you were,'' John said. He needed the man to understand that he was no fool. ''But I do understand why you don't like me. I know Paul hurt Anna very badly, and believe me when I say I would do anything to erase the damage he left behind. It's simple, sir: I love your daughter and your granddaughter with all my heart, and…''

''I'm very sorry,'' George interrupted him.

''What?'' John lowered his cigar and stared at him.

'''I behaved very poorly toward you at Christmas, and I'm sorry about that,'' he finally said, looking John directly in the eye.

John didn't say a word. The truth was that he hadn't been expecting George to apologize to him, and had no idea how to respond. ''What made you change your mind?'' he asked, after a few moments of silence.

''Gracie.'' George smiled to himself. ''You know, I think...well, I _hope_ that she and Anna were happy here before they moved to London. Anna had her job, we took care of Gracie when she was at work.'' He paused briefly before continuing. ''After that piece of shit betrayed her, it was almost two years before we began to see glimpses of the old Anna in her again. And although she began to recover, she had lost that sparkle in her eyes.'' He paused again, and looked down.

''Sir, what are you trying to tell me?'' John asked.

''What I'm trying to say is that I can see that she is finally healing, and I admit that you are the reason her spark is back. And I would like to thank you for that.''

''You don't need to…'' John tried to reassure him.

''But I do. You've given me my little girl back...and you should hear the way Gracie talks about you when you're not around. I'm actually pretty jealous, if I may say so.'' He chuckled, looking up at John.

''Sir, you don't have to worry about your place in Gracie's life. She speaks very highly of her grandpa when you're not around, too.'' He smiled.

''Please call me George,'' the older man requested. ''And I don't know what's happening with that wife of yours, but…''

''I don't have a wife any more. We finally located her and the divorce papers have been signed. I'm a free man. We were planning to tell everybody tomorrow at the party.''

''Good, very good.'' George smiled. He was really pleased to hear that there was no wife in the picture any longer.

''So…are we good?'' John needed to know for sure that Anna's father had finally accepted him.

''We are, but…you know the rule - if you hurt them, I promise I'll hunt you down and hurt you so badly that your own mother won't recognize you. Are we clear about that?''

''Yes, si-...George. I wouldn't expect anything less from you,'' John replied, and both men stood up. When George offered him his hand, John gladly shook it. ''May I ask you one small favour, though?''

''Yes?'' George replied, walking toward the door.

''Can we talk about sleeping arrangements?''

''Don't push your luck, Bates.'' George laughed and left the room, leaving John standing by the desk, feeling a huge sense of relief that he had finally made some progress with Anna's father. Stepping out into the hall, he bumped into Anna.

''Hey, I was looking all over for you, and then James told me that Dad had pulled you into his study with him. What happened?'' she fretted.

''We had a talk,'' John replied, closing the door behind him.

''You mean...''

''Yes, THE talk.''

''And?''

''I think we're good. He apologized, and…''

''My dad _apologized_ …to you?'' she interrupted, with a big grin on her face.

''He did. Why are you smiling?'' John frowned.

''John, he _never_ apologizes, not even when he knows he's wrong. He must _really_ like you, believe me.'' She leaned over and gave him a kiss.

''I hope so.''

''I'm so happy that you two worked it out!'' She smiled again and led him to the sitting room to join the others in a game of cards.

 **xXx**

It was already around eleven when Mr. and Mrs. Carson said their goodbyes. After that, the family quickly said their own goodnights, and John started preparing himself for bed in the guest room. He was relieved, knowing that he and George had finally made their peace. It felt very good to know that Anna's father wasn't against him any more, or at least not as much as he had been when they had first met. Quickly changing to his pyjamas, he lay down in bed and covered himself with the blankets.

It had been a very long and eventful week - the divorce, the best night of his life had happened, and then the plane, which he would never forget, his goddaughter's wedding, his and Anna's first fight, and karaoke with Robert...which he had really enjoyed, although he wasn't going to admit it out loud. He turned to lie on his back and, as he thought about George again, he let out the breath it felt like he had been holding for the last couple of months.

The only thing that felt off was the fact that Anna was sleeping on the other side of the house. He wanted so much to hold her in his arms, bury his face in her hair, and fall asleep with her body pressed to his. He slept so much better when she was with him. The only thing stopping him from sneaking to her room was that he would need to pass George's bedroom to get to her. Pulling the covers up to his chin, he was startled to hear the door open and then close with a soft click. Sitting up, he could see Anna walking toward him.

''Anna, what are you doing here? Is everything OK?'' he whispered into the dark.

"What do you think I'm doing?'' she smiled. ''I'm not spending another night without you. I just can't!" Pulling the covers off of him, she pushed him back down onto the bed and sat on top of him, resting her legs on either side of his hips. Before he could protest, she lowered herself down and kissed him.

''Anna!'' he whispered, when she pulled away from his lips. ''We can't…'' he began, feeling her hands tugging at his shirt.

''John, do you want to make love or not?'' She stopped and looked him in the eye.

''You know I do... But we are in your parents' house, they are sleeping just a few doors down the hall, and I've just made peace with your father…'' He was trying to think rationally, but her hands had already pushed his shirt out of her way and were starting to work their magic on his chest. ''Anna…!'' he gasped, and the air left his lungs as she gently ground down on him, pressing her body against his.

''Mr. Bates, please stop talking. We need to be _very_ quiet if we are going to do this...'' she whispered in his ear after gently biting his lower lip. She sat up and, without wasting any time, she pulled her top off and tossed it into the other corner of the room.

''No, Anna, please don't...'' he moaned, when he saw she wasn't wearing a bra. Her pale breasts were waiting... _begging_...to be touched. ''Please don't do this to me...you know I can't resist you,'' he pleaded, his eyes unable to look away. My god, she was gorgeous.

''Who isn't racy now, hmm?'' she teased. ''Come on, take this off," she ordered. Unable to say no, he sat up and pulled his shirt off. ''But what if they hear us?'' he worried, when she pushed him back down onto the mattress.

'' _I_ can be quiet...can _you_?'' she smirked, and rolled her hips into his again. John closed his eyes and groaned in response. ''Apparently not...?''

''Oh, yeah?'' he said, forgetting where they were for a moment and finally touching her breasts. Pulling her even closer, he encouraged her to move her hips one more time. She could feel him pressed against her, and it made her blood boil. ''We'll see about that. Come here.'' He tried to roll them over so that she was on her back, but she stopped him. ''What is it?'' Her sudden resistance confused him. Were they going to do this or not?

''Lie back and let me do all the work...'' she purred, and at that moment John thought his heart had stopped beating. He tried to protest, but she had already kissed her way down his torso. Tucking her fingers inside his pyjama bottoms, she set him free, and before he had the chance to say anything, her mouth left a very wet kiss on him. ''Oh, god…'' he groaned when he felt her lips on him, and then without any warning, she took him into her mouth. ''Anna, please don'-…'' he rasped, but she was on a mission, and no one was going to stop her. John closed his eyes as the pleasurable sensations threatened to overwhelm him, trying his best to keep quiet and stay in control. After a while he knew that he needed to stop her, before he exploded. ''Anna…shi-…Anna, please...'' he begged, and when she didn't respond, he placed his hand on her head to try to make her stop.

Sitting up, he cupped her face with his hand and kissed her with everything he had. He brought her back down onto the bed so she was lying on top of him, her legs once again resting on either side of his hips, and she could feel him pressed against her stomach. ''I'm not done yet," she said, between heated kisses.

''Oh, yes, you are,'' he groaned and let his hand drift down to her shorts. He tried to pull them down, but Anna's position made the task next to impossible. ''Please take them off!'' he pleaded. She quickly stood up and removed her shorts. The moment she lay back down on top of him, his hand wandered between their bodies. While their tongues caressed each other, he started to gently explore her wetness and heat. She was more than ready for him, he was sure.

''You're not playing fair!'' she gasped into his ear when she left his mouth, trying to concentrate on his perfect touch. As she pressed herself down on his hand, he heard her moan into his neck, doing her best not to be heard.

''Let go,'' he begged, sensing that she was getting close, and he pressed a kiss under her ear.

''No, we're doing this together.'' She pulled his hand away from her, raised her body slightly, then lowered herself down onto him. John literally saw stars before his eyes when she rolled her hips into him the first time. She rested both of her hands on his chest to balance herself. He could see her eyes closing, as she bit her lip in hopes of muffling her moans. As she increased her tempo, the mattress under them started to squeak, but neither of them heard it. His hands rested possessively on her behind, helping her to quicken her movements. She felt so tight all around him, and their position allowed him to go as deep into her as he could.

''John…'' He heard her calling his name a little louder, and he knew she was almost there.

''I'm here,'' he panted. ''I'm here...'' He raised his hips to meet hers again and again.

''Ohhh…please don't stop!'' she begged him. ''Ahhh…Mr Baaates,'' she cried out, and John was absolutely sure the whole neighbourhood had heard her by now. He sat up quickly, holding her around her waist and pressing her body against his. He covered her mouth with his, hoping to mute her moans, which were becoming louder with every move they made.

She could feel her nipples brushing up and down against the hair on his chest and that, and the way he was kissing her, pushed her right up to the edge. She rolled her hips two more times before they both came undone in the same moment.

When they finally stopped shaking, John lowered them both back onto the mattress, his hands still protectively around Anna's body. They were both covered in sweat, but he didn't waste any time in pulling the covers over them. She rested on his chest a while longer, and he was stroking her back gently when she looked up.

''You lost,'' he joked, and she started to laugh.

''Yes, I did.'' She leaned down and gave him a peck.

''You know I'm not a young man any more. I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep up with you,'' he smiled, running his palm up and down her naked body. It had only been four days ago when they had first made love, and this was already their fifth time in that brief period. He didn't know how he had done it, but he was glad he had.

''You? I don't even know how I'm still able to walk properly.'' She burst into laughter again, with him soon joining in.

''Shhh...'' he tried to say through his laughter. ''We'll wake the whole house if we're not careful, and I _really_ don't need your father to see us like this.''

''Oh, don't worry. If we didn't wake them a few moments ago, I think we're safe,'' she chuckled, and covered his lips with hers. It was meant to be a quick, light kiss, but she could not help running her tongue over his lower lip, quietly asking for permission to explore his mouth further. She had no idea what had gotten into her, but she just couldn't get enough of him. They spent the next few minutes simply kissing and touching each other. She finally slid off of him and rested her back to his front. Before she had the chance to make herself comfortable, his hand had already found her waist and brought her closer to him. He rested his head in the crook of her neck and said, ''I love my racy Anna.''

''And I love you,'' she replied, giggling softly. ''Please wake me up around five. I don't think either of us wants me to bump into my father when I sneak back to my room.'' She yawned and snuggled closer to him.

''I will,'' he whispered, placing another gentle kiss on top of her head.

A few minutes later, she was sleeping peacefully next to him, but John could not fall asleep. Anna made him feel so many things at once, and she had once again proved to him that she could indeed be racy, spontaneous, and in complete control. She was his and he was hers, and it felt like all was right with the world.

But he couldn't have known that only a few miles from them, a man was sitting behind a desk, looking over his notes, plotting the perfect revenge to crush Anna's world into tiny little pieces all over again…and his name was…Alex Green.

* * *

 **beta: ANNAMBATES! THE BEST BETA! :)))**

 **thank you! for reading and R &F&F&PM :) I love you...yes you! ...please don't hate me :O :***


	17. Popek

**Chapter XVII**

''John?!'' A heavy knock on his bedroom door woke him. He needed to blink a couple of times before he remembered where he was. He was still lying in bed with Anna tucked at his side, and the clock on the wall showed that it was well past five in the morning - in fact, it was just past seven. He had overslept and neglected to wake Anna up before George woke.

''John?'' Alice's voice called him again.

Coughing, he replied, ''Yes?''

''Are you still going with us to the shops?''

''What's going on?'' Anna mumbled, looking at the clock to see what time it was. ''Oh, my god - we overslept!''

''Shhhhh.'' He turned to her and covered her mouth with his hand.

''John, are you all right?'' Alice asked, smiling at the whispering she could hear on the other side of the door.

''Umm...yes, sure! I'll be down in a minute.''

''All right, breakfast is on the table if you'd like to join us.''

Hearing her retreating footsteps, John closed his eyes. ''He is going to kill me!'' he said aloud, removing his hand from her mouth.

''You?!'' Anna quickly jumped out of bed and started to pull her clothes on. ''Oh, my god, what have we done?!'' The realization that they had made love just a few doors from her parents' room was finally starting to sink in. And now they had overslept! She just hoped no one had noticed that she wasn't in her room. ''Come on! Put some clothes on!'' She tossed his jeans at him. ''Oh, my god! Why didn't you wake me? If he finds out about this - us - he will…! Come on, hurry!''

''YES! I know! I _told_ you last night that we shouldn't!'' he said, pulling his polo shirt over his head. What an idiot he was! He had finally made peace with her father, and what had he done to thank him? He and Anna had had sex, and not very quietly, just metres away from her parents' room. He desperately hoped that George had not heard them!

''So why didn't you stop me?'' she hissed, turning to face him.

He just looked at her, her hair all mussed, her top inside out. The whole situation was funny, really - they were acting like two teenagers who had been just caught doing something wrong. ''Are you kidding me?" He stared at her with his mouth open, and stopped in the middle of pulling his sock on.

''What?'' She rested her hands on her hips and stared at him, trying to look mad, but he could see the corners of her mouth twitching.

''What do you mean, why didn't I stop you? I tried to! _You_ were the one who jumped _me_ , not the other way around,'' he retorted quietly, then couldn't help bursting into laughter. ''Plus, how can I say no to you!? Have looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You are freaking irresistible,'' he added playfully. He knew that she wasn't _really_ angry, but he could that see she was worried. He was, too. But whatever George had heard, they were going to face him together. He walked toward her and tried to calm her - and himself, saying, ''Let's just go downstairs and see what happens. All right?''

''We are so dead, John Bates!'' she giggled, but when he leaned in to her for a kiss, she ducked away and ran toward the door. ''Oh, nooo! Just wait 5 minutes and then you can come down.'' With that, she opened the door and peeked into the hall, making sure it was empty. Seeing that the coast was clear, she turned and gave him a cheeky smile before disappearing from view.

About 10 minutes later, a clean-shaven John hesitated at the dining room door. The whole Smith family, including Anna, was already sitting at the table, eating breakfast and talking about the party that evening.

''Oh, here he is.'' George said cheerfully, pulling out a chair for John.

OK, he's in a good mood - maybe he hadn't heard them, John thought to himself, while greeting everyone with a friendly ''Good morning.'' He walked around the table and sat down next to George. Buttering a piece of toast, he listened quietly to the conversation going on around him. He could tell that Anna, changed into fresh clothes and seated next to Gracie, was trying her best not to look at him.

''So, John, how did you _sleep_?'' James's voice drew the attention of the whole table.

Feeling himself redden, John glanced at Anna nervously and replied, ''Well, thank you. I slept very well.''

''I bet you did,'' James snickered, milk almost spilling out of his mouth. If George hadn't heard them, James sure had.

''Mummy, where were you when I wok-…'' Gracie began, licking marmalade from her fingers, but Alice quickly cut her off when she saw her husband's face turn in Gracie's direction. She turned to her son and quickly asked, ''James, could you please start the car?'' James stood up quietly, still smiling to himself. ''Dad, can you come with me? I have something for you in the boot,'' he added, realizing that his mother wanted to have a little talk alone with Anna and John.

''I'm coming.'' George followed his son out of the room.

Anna's cheeks were bright red. She was so embarrassed by the fact that her older brother had heard them. And judging from the way her mum had reacted, Anna knew that she had to know, too.

''Gracie, can you go and wash your hands and get your coat, please? We're leaving in just a minute...'' Anna said to her daughter, when she saw the way that her mother was staring at her and John. There was no denying it - Alice had to know. Gracie jumped out of her chair and ran to the bathroom, leaving the three of them alone in the room.

''Mum…'' Anna began, after a brief silence, but Alice interrupted her. ''Anna, please don't.''

''But...''

''Anna.'' Alice eyed her and turned her head to John, who really had no idea what to do. ''Listen, you two…I'm very glad that you are happy and in love, but…'' she crossed her arms on her chest ''...do you have _any_ idea what your father would do to the pair of you if he knew what you were up to almost all of last night?''

''It wasn't _all_ nigh-...'' Anna started to defend them.

''Anna.'' Alice looked at her. ''Don't push your luck, young lady.'' She then turned to John. ''And what do _you_ have to say for yourself?''

''Well, I don't know what you think we were doing, but I can guarantee that it wasn't what you are thinking...'' John fibbed. Good grief, he was a 42 year-old grown man, and feeling absolutely mortified that Anna's mum knew what they had done the previous night.

Alice stared at him for a few seconds in complete silence, and then burst into laughter. ''Yeah, sure, Mr. Bates. What on earth am I going to do with you two?'' She wasn't really mad about what they'd done. She could see that Anna absolutely glowed whenever John was near, and Alice would be forever grateful to the man for bringing her Anna back. But…George was another thing altogether. If he knew what had gone on in his house… ''Let me put it this way - just don't do whatever it was that you _weren't_ doing _again_...all right?''

''All right,'' they both whispered, unable to look at her, too embarrassed about the conversation that had just happened.

''Are you sure Dad doesn't know anything about this?'' Anna asked, finally looking up at Alice. She really wanted to be sure her father was clueless. She knew her mum wouldn't tell him, and she would make sure that James wouldn't say a word, either.

''I'm sure.'' Alice smiled at her. ''Come, let's go. We have some shopping to do!'' She disappeared into the kitchen with a few dirty plates in her hands, leaving Anna and John sitting at the table. After she was gone, they just looked at each other and started laughing.

''Oh, my god.'' John stood up and approached her. ''I thought I'd experienced a lot in my life, but this was…''

''She knows...and even worse, James knows, too!'' Anna groaned, standing up and letting John fold her into his arms.

''How is James knowing worse than your mum knowing?'' He looked at her curiously.

''Mum is never going to say another word about this. James, on the other hand, will _never_ let me live it down. My god.'' She covered her face with her hands, and when she felt John's hand start to gently stroke her back, she stepped away from him.

''Oh, no...do _not_ touch me, John Bates!'' She giggled. ''We're already in enough trouble because of you. Come to think of it, just stay away from me for the next couple of days.'' He was irresistible to her. They had always shared little touches when they were around each other, but after they had started sleeping together, she found that she really had to consciously control herself when he was around her, and the same could be said for him.

''Oh?'' he chuckled. ''Are you sure?''

''Yes,'' she lied, and laughed when he made a sad face. ''Come on, we need to go. And don't forget, _no_ touching!''

 **xXx**

After two hours of walking around the huge shopping centre looking for last minute things for the party, John and Gracie got tired of following Alice and Anna, who seemed to want to stop in every little shop. For just a moment, John regretted not staying at the house with James and George.

''John, I'm tired,'' Gracie said, tugging on his jeans.

Looking down at her, he smiled sympathetically. ''Tell me about it. Come here.'' He knelt down and picked her up. ''Should we go and check out the pet shop?''

''Do they have bunnies?''

''Let's go and see.'' Her eyes brightened, and he gave her a squeeze. ''Anna?'' he called.

''Yes?'' She turned her gaze from the shop window to them.

''We're going to pop into the pet shop we just passed. Ring me when you're ready to go home, all right?'' he smiled.

''OK, we won't be long - I promise.''

''Right...'' He gave her sceptical look and turned to Gracie. ''Who's ready to see some bunnies?''

''I AM!'' Gracie squeaked happily.

They spent the next half hour in the pet shop, Gracie running from one cage to another. There were hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, and fluffy little bunnies, and the young sales clerk even let her pet one of them. She made funny faces while staring into the fish tanks, but had a little trouble when it came to walking past the snakes. She looked up nervously and John gladly took her tiny hand in his and encouraged her to approach the terrariums, reassuring her that their inhabitants couldn't harm her. She was observing a big red parrot from a distance when John's mobile rang. Picking up, he could see it was Anna.

''Hi, are you still in the pet shop?''

''Yes, we are. Where are you?''

''Mum already went to the car, and I thought I'd wait for you by the smoothie kiosk.''

''We're coming. We'll see you in a couple of minutes.'' John smiled and called Gracie. ''Come on, honey, we're going home.''

''Do we really have to?''

''Yes, come on.'' He offered his hand and they left the shop. Walking toward the kiosk where Anna was waiting for them, he spotted her kneeling on the floor, picking up some apples and putting them into a bag, and an older woman standing next to her, saying something. Approaching them, Gracie let go of his hand and ran to her mother to help her pick up the scattered apples. When the older woman turned in his direction, he gasped. ''Mum?!''

''John? What are you doing here?'' Elizabeth Bates looked at her son in shock.

'''Mum'?'' Anna stood up quickly and looked at both of them.

''Yes, Anna. Meet my mother, Elizabeth Bates,'' John smiled.

''Mrs. Bates, it's so nice to finally meet you.'' Anna offered the woman her hand, but instead of shaking it, Liz gave the girl a fierce hug. Anna almost dropped her shopping bags in surprise.

''Nice to finally meet you, too. Let me look at you!'' Liz said happily, letting go of her. ''I see my boy wasn't lying when he told me how beautiful you are!'' She beamed at Anna affectionately.

''Ma...'' John rolled his eyes and smiled at her. He knew she could be overly enthusiastic when she felt excited.

''Well, I don't know about that…" Anna blushed, smiling. "I'm sorry for bumping into you.''

''Oh, don't worry about that.'' John's mother turned her attention to the little girl standing next to Anna. ''And you must be Gracie. Would you like an apple?''

''Yes, please,'' Gracie said, and took the fruit from Liz's hand. ''Thank you.''

''Isn't she a sweet little thing...'' Liz smiled at the girl.

''Mum?'' John took the shopping bags from her. ''What are you doing in York? Is Steve with you?''

''He is. He just ran to the toilet. We stopped here to buy a birthday gift for his old army friend who's having his 60th birthday party today.''

''Oh?'' John asked. ''Do you know him?''

''No, not really. I've never met the man - he is one of Steve's friends, not mine. But enough about that.'' Liz smiled at her son and turned her attention back to Anna. ''Are you two in a hurry or…''

''Wait a minute, Mum...is Steve's friend by any chance called George Smith?''

''Blimey - yes, he is. How did you know that?''

John just chuckled, but Anna replied, ''Well, believe it or not, George Smith is my father.''

''Talk about a coincidence! **''** Liz exclaimed, with the biggest smile on her face. She was thrilled to have finally met the woman who had turned her son's life around so much for the better.

His years with Vera had almost destroyed him, and when John had called her last week, telling her that Vera was finally out of the picture for good, she had thought she couldn't be happier for her son…until now, when she had finally met the two important new women in John's life. When Steve came back from the toilet, Anna invited everyone to stay for a coffee, ringing her mother in the car, as well. Alice wanted to join them, but felt she had to get back to the pub to put the finishing touches on the party, so Steve offered John, Anna, and Gracie a ride home.

The five of them spent another hour in a nearby cafe, and as they got acquainted, Anna could see from whom John had gotten his sense of humour, kind eyes, and enormous heart. Liz was absolutely brilliant, and when Steve asked John to join him in a tool shop not far from the cafe, the women were left at the table, giving both Anna and Liz the chance to get to know each other a little better. They talked, shared some jokes, and Liz even took the time to ask little Gracie some questions about school, her friends, and the cast on her arm. By the time everyone was ready to leave, both women had developed a huge amount of respect and love for each other.

 **xXx**

About three hours later, John, Anna, and Gracie finally arrived at the pub. Since the party was to take place there, the Smith family had decided to close it for the day. James had done a fantastic job with decorating the place - balloons saying "Happy Birthday" and "Happy 60th Birthday" were scattered everywhere, the tables were set, and they could see James standing at the bar, making sure that everything was in order. Gracie ran quickly to her uncle, begging him to let her help, and he finally set her to work putting the glasses from the dishwasher onto the lower shelves. Anna offered John a quick tour around the pub. It wasn't a big place, but she didn't want to face James yet. She knew James wasn't done teasing them, especially her.

''Oh, you have a jukebox.'' John stopped at the end of the bar to take a look. It was the same as one Robert used to own, back in the day. ''I love jukeboxes; they're so much more fun than stereos.''

''I've loved this thing since the day my dad bought it.'' Anna joined him and leaned on the bar, noticing that John's eyes were shining as he looked at it. ''Would you believe me if I told you that I still remember which song is under which number?''

''Yeah, right.'' John chuckled sceptically.

''Mr. Bates, are you calling me a liar?'' Her eyes gleamed at the challenge.

''I wouldn't dare.''

''But you still don't believe me, do you.'' She stood up straight and looked him in the eye. ''Try me.''

''What?''

''Try me. Come on.''

''OK,'' he said, and offered her his hand. ''Sit down…and no looking.'' She took his hand and sat down next to the jukebox. He stared at the song titles for a few moments and then smiled at her. ''OK, let's try it. L3?''

Anna smiled. ''Oooh, that one is easy. It's ' **Have I told you lately?** '''

''Correct.'' He looked down at the buttons again. ''How about…O5?''

''Let me think about that…hmm...yeah, sure - it's ' **You are beautiful**.' Before she realised what was he up to, John chose another one.''V8?''

''Ummm, ' **I can't help falling in love with you** '?''

''You're right again,'' he replied, still staring at the buttons and smiling mischievously. ''And the last one, E4.''

''' **I want to you to want me**.''' She exhaled. ''Mr. Bates, are you flirting with me?'' she asked, turning to face him.

''I wouldn't know.'' He grinned at her. ''It's been ages since I flirted. I don't know if I can still do it.''

''You see? This is the reason I can't keep my hands off of you!'' she scolded him playfully when he sat down next to her. Covering her hand with his, he leaned closer, and when he was about to cover her smiling lips with his, James stepped out of the storeroom.

''Oh, come on, what is the matter with you two?'' he laughed. ''Can't you control yourselves at all? Every time you're left alone, you two are all over each other…or sneaking into each other's rooms, and we all know how that ends.'' He lived for moments like this; he absolutely loved teasing his little sister.

''JAMES!'' Anna stood up and walked toward him with an amused John following her. ''What must I do to make you forget about what you…''

''Heard?'' He laughed and leaned on the bar, staring at Anna's blushing face. ''Well, let me see…'' He pretended to think. ''How about giving me your friend's number?''

''What friend?''

''Jane.'' James smiled. They had really clicked when she'd accompanied him to the airport. She was smart, funny, and he thought she was absolutely gorgeous. And being a man, he had completely forgotten to ask her for her number.

''Oh, really?'' Anna smirked. ''You want Jane's number, hmm?'' She crossed her arms on her chest.

''Yes...'' He flashed her a mischievous grin. ''Or do you prefer I go and tell Dad what I heard last night?''

''JAMES!'' Anna's mouth dropped open. ''You wouldn't?!''

''Are you sure?'' James replied, biting the inside of his cheek and looking at John, who was sitting next to Anna, trying his best not to laugh at both of them. He was pretty sure that James wouldn't say a word to George, but watching Anna and James have their little quarrel made him feel somehow a part of the family.

''Oh, Anna, just give the fellow Jane's number,'' he cut in, after they had teased each other for a few more minutes.

''John! How can you be on his side and not mine?'' She turned to her boyfriend in annoyed amusement.

''I'm on _our_ side, love.'' He stood up and wrapped one arm around her waist.

''All right,'' she huffed. ''Pass me the pen. But if I ever find out you said even _one word_ about John and me, I promise you, I'll tell Jane what happened in Glasgow at that New Year's party in 2008.'' She glared at her brother while writing the number down, and the shocked expression James had on his face reassured her that he wouldn't say a thing to their dad.

In a few hours' time, the Smiths' pub was full of people who had joined them for George's celebration. John was just beginning to relax when Anna's relatives, in particular her old aunts, cornered him and started to bombard him with all kinds of questions. It felt like ages before Anna at last rescued him. The party was in full swing when Liz and Steve finally arrived. They spent the night talking to George and Alice, with Mr. and Mrs. Carson joining them.

Anna and John had the time of their lives. They joked, talked with Anna's old friends, danced, and laughed with Gracie by their side. After the cake was cut and enjoyed, most of the relatives left. Alice and George said their goodbyes, taking a sleeping Gracie with them.

Anna and John ended up having an interesting conversation late into the night with James and a friend of his, who happened to be a professional body piercer. Although John stuck with soft drinks, he was tired out by the events of the day and the lack of sleep the previous night, and ended up dozing off in a corner booth for a bit, while Anna had just one more drink with her brother and his friend. But maybe Anna ended up having a little too much, because when she woke up the next morning with her head pounding and very little recollection of the night before, she stumbled into the shower, only to discover something new on her body.

''JAMES!'' Anna's shriek echoed though the house...when she discovered that James's friend had pierced her bellybutton.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: ANNAMBATES! **********

 **helllo :D I hope you are doing fine! :D thanks for R &RF&&PM :***


	18. Začetek konca

**Chapter XVIII**

March was a very good month for Anna and John. After some searching, he had finally found a small flat near Anna's. She had invited him to move in with her and Gracie for a while, but he knew that if he did, he would never be able to leave...and it was too soon for that. They had only been dating for three months, and he didn't want to tempt fate. Vera had taken almost everything from him, so he was starting over once again, but he didn't mind. With Anna and Gracie in his life, he was happier than he had ever been, and Robert had offered to lend him some money if he needed help financially.

As for Anna, after she had won her second rape case, her name started becoming known. In the space of one month, she went from being an unknown to being one of the most up-and-coming lawyers in the country for sexual assault cases. Women from all over began contacting her, asking her to help them, and she gladly took on as many of these clients as she was able, with no hesitation or doubt of their innocence.

March was a great month for Gracie, too. The cast was removed from her arm, and the doctor said that everything had healed perfectly. They even let her keep a piece of the cast, which she kept on her nightstand. John continued to take her home each day after school, helped her with her homework, and then they spent time reading, baking, watching films, and just enjoying being together until Anna finished her work day. Having John's love and stable presence in her life in addition to Anna's gave the already sunny little girl the emotional space to truly blossom.

The first month of spring ended as quickly as it had begun, and before they knew it, Gracie's 7th birthday was just a day away. They hadn't planned a big party. The only thing Gracie wanted was to stay home with Anna and John, eat pizza, and watch Frozen with the two most important people in her life. They already felt like a family, and their lives were absolute perfection...but life does not always work out the way we expect it to.

 **xXx**

''Anna?'' Jane walked into the ladies' room, calling her friend's name. They had been in the middle of a discussion when Anna had stood up suddenly and run to the toilet, clutching her stomach. ''Anna, are you all right?'' she asked, standing in front of the closed stall.

''Umm, yeah...just give me a moment,'' said a weak voice from the other side of the door. Jane backed away from the door and leaned against the sink, waiting for Anna to come out. After a few moments, Anna finally flushed the toilet and opened the door. She was as pale as a sheet, and Jane was at her side in a moment.

''Here.'' Jane offered her a bottle of water that she had grabbed from her desk.

''Thank you.'' After washing her hands and splashing her face with cold water, she took a sip of water and leaned against the sink next to Jane.

''Are you OK?'' Jane asked again.

''I don't know. Maybe it's something I ate.'' She tried to smile. But the truth was that she knew what _might_ be wrong, and she prayed that she wasn't right.

''Are you sure? You don't look OK to me. To tell the truth, you haven't looked OK for the last couple of weeks,'' Jane said, finally admitting out loud what she had been thinking for the last few days.

''Oh, Jane...'' Anna wailed, and covered her mouth with her hand.

''Anna,'' Jane said softly, walking over to the main door and locking it. ''What's going on?'' She rubbed her hand up and down Anna's back a few times, trying her best to calm her friend down.

''I think I'm pregnant,'' Anna whispered, afraid to say the words aloud.

''And the problem is...?'' Jane asked, wondering why Anna was so unhappy.

''Jane, I can't…I can't have a baby, not like this." Anna looked up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "My god, I can't believe this is happening again...'' she added under her breath, too softly for Jane to hear her.

''Why not? You love John, he loves you, and I'm sure Gracie would be thrilled to have a sibling.'' Jane smiled. ''Well, unless it isn't John's…'' she joked, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she saw Anna freeze.

''No, no - Jane, don't say that! Please don't say that!'' Anna started to cry again, choking on her tears. The thought of John claiming that the baby was not his brought back all the bad memories of Paul that she'd thought she had left behind, and a cold wave of fear crept up her spine. She wasn't strong enough for this. She had thought she was, but she wasn't. Deep down, she knew that John was nothing like Paul, but just thinking about the possibility of his rejection made her stomach turn.

''No, no, I was just joking. I'm so sorry…come here.'' Jane hugged her, and Anna couldn't stop the tears.

''Did you take a pregnancy test?'' Jane asked her, moving back and looking at her face, which was wet with tears. She could see panic in Anna's eyes. This was nothing like the confident Anna she knew - this Anna looked terrified...and completely vulnerable. Pushing a few strands of hair from her friend's face, Jane asked again about the pregnancy test.

''No…I bought one, but I just couldn't do it. What if it's positive? John and I haven't even talked about having children. It's too soon! We…I didn't plan for this to happen, Jane! I did everything right this time. I'm on the pill, for god's sake!'' Anna let go of her and started to pace back and forth. ''Why is this happening to me?'' she muttered under her breath, her eyes closed in fear.

''Anna?!'' Jane called, walking toward her. Truth to be told, she was starting to feel scared, too. She had never seen Anna act like this. She knew a little about what Paul had done to her when she had told him she was pregnant, but she had never in a million years imagined it was still affecting her this much. ''Anna!'' Jane placed her hands on Anna's arms and shook her gently. ''Anna, listen to me. Do you have the test with you?"

Anna stared at her for a moment, and then replied weakly, ''Yeah, it's in my purse.''

''OK, stay right here. I'm going to get it, all right? Stay here and wait for me. Don't move a muscle.'' After Anna nodded, Jane unlocked the door and added, '' Lock the door behind me.'' Emerging into the corridor, she bumped into Ethel, who was heading toward the ladies' room door. ''The toilets are out of order, Ethel! Use the ones on the other side of the hall!''

Anna quickly locked the door behind Jane. Resting her back against the door, she slowly slid down to the floor, her face covered in tears. She brought her legs up tightly to her body, and once again prayed that she was wrong.

 **xXx**

''Yes, this one please. No, not that one, the one next to it.'' John couldn't contain his grin as he tried to show the man which puppy he wanted. Anna and he had talked about buying Gracie a puppy for her birthday...well, John had asked her about it a week ago and she had agreed. She hadn't been completely herself for the last couple of weeks. She had lost her usual spark, instead looking tired and worried. She had assured him that she was all right, but he knew her - something was up, and he hoped that they would be able to talk about it before Gracie's birthday the following day.

''Here you go. A heathy female beagle puppy,'' the old man smiled, handing John a little ball of fur. ''Take very good care of her.''

''We will, don't worry,'' John replied and pet the little thing, which was already chewing playfully on his tie. ''Oh, no, you don't!'' he laughed, removing the tie from her mouth. He paid the man for the dog, a collar, a leash, two bowls, and a few toys, and finally left the pet store with their newest family member hopping about next to him.

''I wonder what Gracie is going to call you.'' John looked down at the dog and chuckled. She was the cutest thing he had ever seen. She had big brown eyes and the way her tail moved up and down made his heart smile. Gracie was going to love her, no doubt about it.

Walking down the street, trying his best not to drop the bags he was carrying and also not to trip over the extremely energetic puppy, a jewellery shop window attracted his eyes. He glanced at the engagement rings on display, not planning to buy one - he really didn't have enough money right now - but his eyes were drawn to one specific ring at the back. It was a simple white gold ring, with three small diamonds that could easily represent the three of them - Anna, himself, and Gracie. In a word, it was perfect, and its delicate beauty reminded him of Anna.

He shook his head and continued walking, but after just a few steps, something made him stop and turn around. He needed to buy that ring. He didn't know when he would give to her, but something told him that he _really_ needed to buy it. Feeling happy and full of hope, he took a deep breath and walked into the shop.

 **xXx**

''Nothing yet.'' Jane looked up from the test and turned to Anna. They were still locked in the toilet, not so patiently waiting for the results of the pregnancy test.

''Oh, my god!'' Anna covered her face with her hands and sobbed again. Jane slipped her arm around her friend and brought her shaking body close.

''Anna, look at me!'' She pulled away and made tried to make her friend focus. Anna's face was covered in streaks of mascara, and fresh tears were falling down her cheeks. ''What's going on? Talk to me.''

Anna let go of her and stepped toward the wall. Leaning on it, she slowly lowered herself down and sat on the floor. Brushing the tears away, she began, ''I've told you how Paul reacted when I told him I was pregnant, right?''

''Yes, you did. But what has that got to do with anything?''

''He really broke me that day, Jane. He took something away from me, he made me doubt myself...and doubt love itself. And when I left him, I promised myself…never again. I'd never let anybody make me feel like that again. I was done with love, I really thought I was. And then…'' Anna finally managed to smile. It was a shaky smile, but just thinking about John and the way she felt when he looked at her made her feel a little better.

''…you met John,'' Jane ended her sentence.

''Yes, I met John. And for the first few months I tried so hard to ignore how he was making me feel every time I saw the way he was with Gracie, the way he looked at me with his gorgeous hazel eyes, the way he made me laugh and forget about my worries without even trying. I knew that I was in trouble, that I wasn't ready, but I couldn't help myself. He made me fall in love in him, he taught me how to love again, and you have to believe me when I say that l love him with all my heart, but…''

''But what?'' Jane sat down next to her and held her hand.

''I can't do this."

"What can't you do?" Jane asked with trepidation.

"I have to break up with him,'' Anna whispered, after a few moments of silence.

''What?!'' Jane raised her voice. ''Anna, what are you talking about?!''

''Can't you see? Look at me, Jane, look at me! I'm sitting on the floor in the toilet, crying and hoping - no, praying - for that test to be negative. What kind of a person am I, not wanting to have a baby with the man I love more than life itself?!'' She started sobbing again. ''He is too good for me, Jane! I don't deserve a man like him! I'm broken…Paul broke me a long time ago, and I thought I was finally ready to love again and let someone love me...but I'm not! And I can't let him…I _won't_ let him...waste his best years on a mess like me!''

''Anna…'' Jane began, when the alarm on her phone went off, startling them both. Jane stood up and walked toward the sink, where the test was sitting, to check the results. Looking up, she turned to Anna and reported, ''Negative.''

* * *

 **beta: ********************* annambates! ********************

 **thank you for reading! :D ;)**


	19. Konec

**Chapter XIX**

''Can you give me a clue?'' Gracie asked, while John helped her put her pyjamas on. She was dying to know what he and Anna had bought her for her birthday.

''No, I can't.''

''Pleeeaaase?'' She flashed him a winning smile.

''No.'' He chuckled at her, pulling the shirt over her head.

''But why not?'' She sat down on the bed, pretending to pout.

''Because it's a surprise. Don't you want to be surprised?''

''Not really,'' she fibbed. ''Is it nice?'' she inquired, still determined to get any possible bit of information from him about her birthday present.

''It is,'' he smiled, and when he could see that she was about to ask yet another question, he quickly interrupted. ''Now, you go to bed, and tomorrow morning you'll go to school. When you get back home, we'll wait for your mum, we'll have pizza, and we'll watch Frozen. And then - and only then - you will get your present. All right?''

''All right.''

''OK, then. Do you want to hear a story?'' he asked, her tucking her covers around her.

''No.''

''No? Are you sure?'' He eyed her with surprise. He knew she loved hearing his stories.

''Yes, I just want to fall asleep so tomorrow comes quicker,'' she explained, and when he laughed, she laughed with him. John kissed her forehead, said good night, and made his way to the door. But as he was about to leave the room, Gracie sat up and said, ''I love you, John.''

It made his heart sing to hear her say those words to him, and once again he felt so thankful for this little family that he was now a part of. ''And I love you, munchkin. Go to sleep, now.''

Closing the door behind him and walking down the stairs, he went to the kitchen to put the finishing touches on dinner. As he was setting out the plates and cutlery, he heard the front door open. Anna was back from work, and he hoped that she was hungry. He knew it was late, but he always looked forward to their dinner together.

''Hello, you!'' he greeted her with a smile, and leaned over to give her a peck on the lips.

''Hi...'' she replied weakly. Pulling away from her, he could see that she was pale and her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying.

''Hey, hey - what's wrong?'' he asked her, frowning in concern.

''We need to talk,'' she said, looking down.

''OK,'' he nodded, and followed her into the sitting room. He had never seen her like this. She looked almost frightened, and something in his gut told him that what she was about to say was not anything good.

Anna slowly sat down on the big couch and waited for John to sit next to her. She could see that he was worried, but he didn't say anything, patiently waiting for her to begin. Before she said a word, a tear slid down her cheek.

''Anna, what's the matter?'' he asked, not able to wait any longer.

''I…I thought I was pregnant,'' she whispered.

''What?'' He looked at her with a small smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. Maybe his gut was wrong? But why wasn't she happy about it?

''But I'm not,'' she added, when he gently covered her hand with his, and she could see his eyes dim very slightly.

''Ohhh.'' He let go of the breath that he didn't know he was holding. They were both silent for a while. He wasn't sure what to say. What was she trying to tell him? He couldn't read her, and that was so unusual for him. He could almost always read her like a book, but not tonight. When he was about to ask her what she was trying to say, more tears rolled down her cheeks.

''Anna? What's this all about?'' He shifted closer to her, but when he tried to put his arms around her, she moved away from him. That really surprised him, even scared him a little - she never moved away from his touch.

''Please don't hate me!'' she sobbed and stood up. John stood, also.

''Hate you? What are you talking about? Why would I hate you?''

''I'm so sorry, John...so, so sorry.'' She wept some more, trying her best to muffle her crying, knowing that Gracie might hear them.

''Sorry for what? For not being pregnant?'' John asked. He was getting more and more confused with every passing minute.

''No.'' She shook her head. ''The thing is…I mean…I...finding out that I wasn't pregnant made me realize something today.'' She wiped her tears away with her palm.

''All right…'' he said, still not knowing what was bothering her.

She could see that he was confused. Who wouldn't be? She took a deep breath. ''I'm not ready, John.'' She could hear her voice shaking.

''You're not ready for what? A baby?'' He could understand that; they had only been dating for three months. It wasn't that he didn't want a baby with her, but he could understand that it was a little too early.

''Yes...I mean, _no_ …''

''What then? I don't understand what you're trying to tell me, Anna. You're not ready for what?'' he asked.

''This…'' Anna said, looking him directly in the eye and feeling her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces, knowing that she was about to hurt him. ''I thought I was, but today showed me that I'm not...I'm not ready for _this_...for…for _us_!'' The moment the words left her mouth, she saw the expression on his face - he looked as if someone had hit him in the gut, not just once, but again and again.

''I don't…I don't understand...what do you mean by that?'' he stuttered, hoping that he wasn't hearing right, praying that she wasn't going to do what it sounded like.

''I think you do...'' she sobbed. His beautiful eyes looked as if someone had turned off that wonderful spark of his, which had been so bright for the last three months, and had replaced it with fear.

''No, I don't...I _really_ don't understand...'' he stuttered, shaking his head, feeling his heart rate skyrocketing. Anna, don't do this to me...don't do this to us, he repeated in his head over and over again.

''Us, I'm not ready for _us_...I can't do it any more...I just can't…''

''Please don't say that.'' He felt tears pricking his eyes.

''I _have_ to…'' she whispered.

''What have I done wrong?'' he pleaded.

''You've done nothing wrong...it's me...I just can't…''

''But _why_ not?''

''Please, John... _don't_ …'' Her voice echoed in his ears.

''No, Anna!'' he raised his voice in desperation. ''What happened? Is it something I did or said? Whatever it is, I'll fix it...I promise...I can do better...please let me try...you and Gracie are _everything_ to me!'' His head was spinning, trying to figure out what had changed between them. He knew she hadn't been completely herself for the last couple of weeks, but he couldn't think of anything that might have made her change her mind about them. ''Tell me, please! I need to know why!'' he begged.

''Because I'm not worthy of you! That's why!'' she cried, and once again she let the tears flow.

''What?'' He looked at her in disbelief. ''What are you talking about!?''

''Don't you understand? You're too good for me! I'm broken, John...I've been broken for the last 7 years. Paul broke me! And I can't let you waste your life on me!'' she sobbed, moving away from him.

''Anna...'' he called, but when he walked toward her to take her in his arms, she jumped back.

''When the test was negative today, I was so relieved! The thought of being pregnant with your baby terrified me! And I shouldn't be feeling like that!'' She wept some more. ''I thought I was over what he did to me, but I'm not! I can't do this!'' She was almost hysterical now, and all John wanted to do was to hold her, to tell her that she wasn't broken, that he loved her no matter what, but she kept moving away from him. ''I can't let you waste your best years on me! I'm not strong enough to cope...and I just can't do this any more!''

''Anna...do you love me?'' he asked quietly.

''John, please don't…'' she begged, still crying. She knew she was hurting him, and it was breaking her heart all over again.

''Do you love me?'' He repeated the question and stared directly into her eyes. He didn't know why she was saying all these things, but he loved her, and he believed that their love was bigger than her fears, that with love they could work through those fears together.

She looked down to avoid his eyes. ''It's _over_ , John. I mean it - this…us…we are over.''

Her words stabbed him in the chest, and he really prayed that this was all just a bad dream. ''What?'' he whispered slowly, looking at her.

''You heard me…we are…'' She choked on her tears, feeling a terrible ache in her heart.

''Don't.'' He cut her off. ''Anna, please don't do this!'' he pleaded, his eyes filling with tears. Was he going to lose her, just like that?!

''I have to.'' Seeing the pain in his face made her hate herself even more.

''But why? I still don't understand!'' He shook his head. ''Anna, I love you...and you love me! I want us to move in together! I want to marry you, and I want to be Gracie's dad...and then I want us to have a little Baby Bates...and then another one...and another one after that. We have so much to look forward to...I want all that and more!'' He was blurting all his dreams out in panic, but every word was true. For god's sake, he had bought her a ring just a few hours ago!

''Maybe you do, but I don't…'' she lied.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. ''You don't want any of it? Are you saying that the last few months have meant nothing to you?''

''John, please...just _go_ …'' she begged. She hated doing this to him - he didn't deserve it. He was a good man, the best man she had ever known, and he had only ever treated her with kindness and love. But she had made her decision - she was not worthy of him, and she never would be. She had to let him go. ''It's over…''

''No, Anna!'' he shouted, tears finally spilling over, hands flailing with emotion. ''Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me any more...that this - _us_ \- didn't mean anything to you! Because that's the only way I'm going walk away from you! SAY IT!''

With all the courage she could muster, she whispered, ''I don't…I don't love you any more.''

His hands fell as he stared at her in shock. He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing would come out. Brushing the tears away, he silently took his jacket from the couch and walked toward the front door. Before leaving, though, he turned to her one last time. ''You say that you don't love me any more...but I will _always_ love you - however, whatever, whenever." His voice cracked. "And no matter what you say or do, I _know_ you love me, too.'' With these words, he turned away and left her flat.

Hearing the door slam behind him, Anna broke down, sobbing, and crumpled to the floor. He was gone, because she had pushed him away. The love of her life was gone, and she only had herself to blame.

* * *

 **BETA: ANNMBATES!**

 **hi...sorry... :(**


	20. Bolečina

**Chapter XX**

 _I'm not ready…I can't…not worthy…I'm broken!…this, us, it's over…I don't love you any more_... Her words echoed in his head while he was half walking, half running down the street. The moment he had slammed the door behind him, he could no longer control his tears. He was broken, confused, angry... He felt his heart burning in his chest, just thinking about what she had said to him. How could she? How could she lie to his face, saying all the things she knew would break his heart! How could she push him away like this?! He had given up everything for her - _everything_ \- and it still it hadn't been enough. He didn't understand what had happened. He loved her with all his being, and no matter what she had said to him, he knew that deep down she still loved him, too.

He wanted to scream, hit something, hurt someone…kill the bastard who had made her feel so scared and unsure of herself that she felt she had to push him away. Walking by a metal rubbish bin, he couldn't control himself; he punched it with such force that he could feel his knuckles splitting... and then he hit it again and again until he ran out of breath. ''Fuck!'' he yelled. His voice rang out through the whole neighbourhood, but he didn't care - his life was ruined.

He didn't know what to do with himself. He was supposed to be with Anna right now, enjoying dinner and discussing their plans for tomorrow…my god, Gracie! He really hoped she hadn't heard them yelling. He was going to miss his little munchkin's birthday! It wasn't enough that her own father wasn't there for her; he, too, had to disappoint her. And what about the puppy he had bought?

He stumbled into the alley between buildings, and leaned his back against the cold, wet, brick wall, trying to catch his breath. Rain had started pouring about ten minutes earlier, but he barely noticed it. The only thing he was aware of was that she had sent him away, and the thought of living the rest of his life without the two of them had crushed him. If he died right at this moment, he wouldn't care. What did he have to live for now? His clothes were drenched, and he could feel his body shiver in the cold.

When he was about to resume the walk back to his flat, the mobile in his inner pocket started to ring. In his heart he so wanted it to be her, but of course it wasn't. It was Robert, and he just couldn't bear talking to him, so he didn't answer. As he was making his way home, the phone rang four more times, and when it rang for the fifth, John pulled it out of his pocket and threw it at the wall of a nearby building, screaming ''Stop ringing me! Leave me alone!'' The mobile hit the bricks with a crunch. John ignored the broken pieces that fell to the ground and just kept walking.

He needed a distraction...something to help him forget. Before he reached his place, he stopped at the corner shop to buy himself a bottle of whiskey. ''Oh, what the hell, give me two!'' he barked at the young shopkeeper. ''What?!'' he bristled, when he saw her staring at his bloody hand. His knuckles were badly torn and bleeding, but he did not feel the pain.

Even before he managed to unlock his front door, he could hear barking, and opening it, he saw Gracie's puppy running toward him and jumping up on him, or at least trying to. ''Get off!'' he yelled, but the little fur ball did just the opposite. She followed him around the flat, barking happily while he tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter, jumping and pleading for attention when he slumped down onto the old couch. ''Shut up! You hear me!? Shut up!'' he shouted again at the poor thing, but when he saw her flinch in terror, he suddenly realized that it wasn't the dog's fault. ''Oh, my god, I'm sorry, little one. Come here.'' He leaned down and took the animal in his arms. He could feel her trembling, and he started to pet her gently in hopes of calming her down. While he caressed her behind her floppy ears, he noticed his hands shaking. To tell the truth, he had scared himself, too, when he had lost his temper at the dog…and he knew why. When he was a child, his father had yelled at him and his mother the same way, and he had promised himself he would never be like him.

Placing both whiskey bottles on his little coffee table, he just stared at them for a few minutes. He wanted so badly to forget about what had happened, what she had said, how she had pushed him away. He knew it was a bad idea to get drunk. It was one thing to get a little tipsy drinking beer with his friends, but drinking two bottles of strong liquor was another thing entirely. His behaviour changed when he was drunk; he turned into his father, and that was the one thing he was most scared of. But the pain he was feeling was stronger than that fear. Leaning forward with the puppy safely in his embrace, he picked up a bottle and opened it. With his shaky, bleeding hand, he slowly lifted the bottle to his lips, took a deep breath, let the tears fall again, and took a long swallow.

 **xXx**

''Mummy?'' Gracie called, walking into the sitting room. She had heard yelling and the door slamming, and after a few minutes of complete silence, she had taken Olaf in her arms and decided to go and see what had just happened.

Anna was still sitting on the floor in tears. She hated herself so much for doing this to John, for saying that she didn't love him any longer, when she really did. She hated herself for letting Paul's actions affect her after so many years. The pain she'd seen on John's face had made her feel sick to her stomach. But in her heart, she really believed that she was doing the right thing. In the long run, he was better off without her. What could she offer him except for unhappiness?

Despite what she had told him, she did want all the things he'd talked about - she wanted to marry him, have babies with him…or at least so she had thought, until the pregnancy test had been negative. She knew she should be disappointed about the results, but she wasn't - she was glad and so relieved. And the way she was feeling had really scared her - it seemed to be telling her that she wasn't ready for a baby or even for a serious relationship. Deep down she was still that 21 year-old girl whose heart had been broken by that sad excuse for a man named Paul. And the possibility of another unplanned pregnancy had brought all the bad memories and fears back.

''Mummy? Why are you crying?'' her daughter asked worriedly, and took a step toward her. Anna sniffled and tried her best to dry her tears before turning her gaze toward her little girl.

''I'm all right. Come here.'' She smiled weakly and opened her arms, inviting Gracie to sit on her lap. She hugged her quietly and rested her head on her shoulder, inhaling her scent, trying her best not to start crying again. And just when she thought that the girl was dozing off, her small voice asked, ''Where is John?''

That was enough to cause Anna to burst into tears all over again. ''Oh, sweetie...'' she cried. She could see that she was confusing her daughter. Standing up slowly, she took Gracie upstairs. Tucking her in bed, she sat down next to her and tried to think of the best way to explain.

''You heard John and me arguing, didn't you?'' she asked, and pulled her even closer. Gracie looked up, and when she nodded, Anna continued, ''I'm afraid Mummy said some pretty bad things to him.''

''Why?'' she asked innocently, still staring at her.

Anna gave her a shaky smile, trying her best not to burst into tears again. ''Bec-…because Mummy can't be his girlfriend any longer.''

''Don't you love him any more?''

''Oh, honey, I love John very much…but you see, sometimes when you love somebody as much as I love him, you have to know when to set them free, so they can find someone else to make them happy. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?''

''No,'' Gracie answered, frowning.

''Gracie, dear, do you remember your old toys that we gave to the charity for kids who didn't have any?''

''Yes,'' Gracie smiled.

''And do you remember how you loved all of them and didn't want to give them away at first?''

''Mhm, but you said that the kids would be happy when they got them, because they were sad that they didn't have any and I had a lot of them.''

''That's right.'' Anna nodded. ''So, you see, Mummy had to ask John to go, so he can make someone else happy like he made us.''

''But…'' It finally began to dawn on Gracie that John wasn't coming back. ''…I don't want him to go!''

''Gracie…'' Anna loathed herself even more now. In the space of just one hour, she had managed to crush the two people who meant the most to her.

''Will he be back for my birthday tomorrow?''

''I don't think so, honey.''

''But _why?_ '' she wailed, choking on her tears. ''Was I bad?'' she whimpered, making Anna's heart bleed again.

''Oh, my darling'' Anna cried with her. ''No, no, Gracie, listen to me - you are a good girl. You didn't do anything wrong, do you understand? What happened between John and me is not your fault. It's all Mummy's fault.'' She tried to hug her daughter, but Gracie flinched and pulled away. ''Gracie…come here...''

''No!'' she sobbed, and covered herself with the duvet.

''Honey…'' Anna tried again.

But the only thing Gracie screamed back at her was ''NO!...I WANT _JOHN!_ ''

 **xXx**

''John?...John? Are you home?''

Through a haze, John could hear someone knocking and opening the door to his flat, and calling his name.

As Robert entered the sitting room, he heard a small dog growling on the other side of the room. ''John?'' he called his friend again.

John had promised to call him hours ago. Cora had offered to bake a cake for Gracie's birthday, and he had said he would let them know what kind she wanted. But after five missed calls, John's phone had gone dead and Anna wasn't picking up, either, so Robert had started to worry.

Approaching the back of the couch, he could see John slumped there. He called his name again, but John didn't move. Robert slowly walked toward him and finally saw them - two mostly empty bottles of whiskey on the coffee table. ''Oh, John! What…'' he started to scold. He knew what happened when John drank too much. But he quickly stopped himself when he saw the state of his friend.

John was as pale as a sheet, and he looked as if he had been hit by a bus. But what scared Robert the most was the blood on his face. ''John! John, wake up!'' He knelt next to him, removing the dog from his lap, and lightly shook him a few times. John groaned in protest, but didn't wake up. Robert's eyes searched his face for the source of the bleeding, but quickly discovered that the blood on his friend's face was only smeared on. Finally looking down, he saw the blood on John's hand. His knuckles were completely torn up, and Robert didn't have to be a doctor to know that he would need stitches.

''My god, John! What happened to you?'' Robert shook him a few more times, and when he slapped his face gently, John finally started to rouse.

''Anna?'' He opened one eye just a crack.

''No, John, it's me - Robert. What happened?'' he asked, but he could see that John was too drunk to understand what he was saying. ''OK, let's go.'' Robert shrugged his own coat off and then helped his friend to stand up, which was harder than he'd anticipated. John was still completely wet from the rain, and Robert could tell that he was chilled to the bone. It took all his strength to move John from the living room to the bathroom. He sat him on a small stool next to the sink, and while the bath was slowly filling up with hot water, he started to undo and peel off his soaked clothes. Knowing John's pride, he left his boxer shorts on, and slowly set him down into the steaming water. Pulling the stool next to the tub, Robert stared at him for a while, and then made a phone call.

Just 10 minutes later, Cora, Sybil, and Tom appeared at the door.

''Robert?'' Cora called her husband. When he had rung her, the only thing he had told her was to come by John's place and to bring Sybil and her medical bag with her.

''In here,'' Robert replied from the bathroom.

''What is so important for you to make me get up in the middle of the night, calling our pregnant daughter to come and bring her medical supplies…'' she began, but when she saw John in the bath and the state he was in, she covered her mouth in shock. ''Oh, my god! What is going on here?!''

''I have no idea.'' Robert stood up. ''I found him like this on the sofa. He is drunk and he was freezing, so I'm trying to warm him up and….''

''OK, Papa, just wait outside, all right?'' Sybil softly interrupted, walking past him and slowly kneeling next to her uncle. ''Go to the kitchen and make some coffee or something."

''But Sybil, you can't move him - he's too heavy, and you're pregnant…'' Robert protested.

''Papa, that's why Mama and Tom are staying with me. So, come on, make some coffee and get him some dry clothes, OK?'' She smiled at him. Of course she was worried for her dear uncle, but if her profession had taught her anything, it was to keep calm. She was also glad that Tom, who had been a paramedic for the last two years, was with her.

Robert nodded weakly, picked up the puppy, which was sitting by the tub and hadn't moved since John was placed in the bath, and left the three of them alone with John. He made coffee, went through his drawers to find clean clothes, and left them by the bathroom door. He became restless just waiting and doing nothing, so he walked back into the living room and without even knowing it, he started to clean half-smoked cigarettes and spilt whiskey from the coffee table.

He had just finished cleaning up the mess when he saw it - a small red box lying next to the couch. Picking it up, he opened it and came face to face with the ring John had bought just a few hours ago. Was this the reason for his current state? Had he asked her to marry him and she had turned him down, he wondered. He had known his friend for years, and he knew how much John loved Anna. Since they had been together, Robert could finally see the old John in him, the John he had known before Vera had crushed him. He was deep in thought when Cora called him to come back to the bathroom.

He and Tom carried a still half-conscious John into his bedroom. They lay him down on his bed, and when Tom and Cora went back to clean up the bathroom, Sybil sat down next to him, opened her bag, and prepared to stitch his hand.

''Is he going to be OK?'' Robert asked worriedly, still standing by the bed.

''Yes, he'll be OK,'' she replied, not taking her gaze away from her task. ''He just needs to sober himself up.''

''And his hand?''

''Well, he'll need some painkillers, but other than that, I think he'll be fine, once I stitch him up.'' She continued with what she was doing. After she was done, she bandaged his hand and stood up. Turning to her father, she said, ''Papa, I don't know what happened to him, but knowing our John…it must have been something terrible to make him turn to alcohol.''

''I know,'' Robert answered. He knew Sybil was right. He knew John's history and all about his father. Hard liquor was something John never touched, too afraid of turning into his old man. ''I found this,'' he added, pulling the red box out of his pocket and opening it.

''Oh, my god, she didn't...?'' Sybil gasped. ''You think she turned him down?''

''I don't know what happened but, knowing him, I'm almost 100% sure all this has something to do with Anna.''

''Has anybody rung her?''

''I tried, but the phone is dead.''

''Should we go by her flat and…''

''No, Sybil, listen to me.'' He took a step toward her and placed his hand on her shoulder. ''Not a word about the ring or about what happened to him to anybody, all right? Especially Anna!''

''But Papa…'' she protested.

''Sybil…'' he raised his voice. ''You know John - he's a very private person. As it is, he will be extremely embarrassed when he wakes up, so just…'' He inhaled.

''OK, Papa.'' She understood what he was trying to tell her. ''I'll talk to Mama and Tom, and make sure they won't say a word, either.''

''Thank you. And thank you for coming.'' He kissed her forehead. ''Come, let's get you and that grandchild of mine back to bed,'' he chuckled, and escorted her out. Reassured that no one would say a word about what had happened that night, he saw his family off, locked the door after them, and walked back to his friend's bedroom. Upon entering, he could see the puppy, whose presence was still a mystery, trying to jump onto the bed to be next to John. Picking it up and placing it on the bed, the puppy quickly lay down by John's side.

''He was _my_ best friend first, you know?'' Robert chuckled at the animal, but his face quickly became grave when he looked at John's pallid face and bandaged hand. He sat himself in a small armchair opposite the bed and whispered, ''What the hell did she do to you?''

* * *

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	21. Nos

**Chapter XXI**

John could feel his head pounding, even before he opened his eyes. His throat was parched, and when he tried to move, every muscle and bone in his body ached...especially his hand.

''Come on, sleeping beauty, time to wake up,'' a voice said, and he had to force himself to open his eyes. The room was spinning, but he could make out the figure of a man sitting next to him.

''Robert?''

''Yes, it's me. Come on, sit up - you have to take your pills,'' he said, carefully pulling him upright.

John took the pills and swallowed them with a glass of water. ''Thank you.''

''Sure,'' Robert said, and placed the glass back on the nightstand. ''So…'' he began, and looked at John soberly. ''Care to explain what in god's name happened to you?''

John was silent for a moment. Looking down at his hand, he finally started to remember what he had done…what _she_ had done. The last thing he could recall was sitting on the couch, drinking whiskey from the bottle and staring at the little red box on the coffee table. And along with the memories of the previous night came all the terrible feelings and the pain. But the throbbing in his knuckles was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart.

''You know, Robert, when Vera left me, I thought that was it for me - that I'd spend the rest of my life alone. And I was fine with that, I really was.'' He stared at the wall in front of him. ''I wasn't the happiest fellow in the world, but I was OK.'' He looked down again and played nervously with the edge of the bandage on his hand.

''John, what is this about?'' Robert asked, but John didn't seem to hear him. ''I almost said no last fall when my boss rang, asking me to end my vacation early and come back to London for a new babysitting job.'' He remembered how he'd been chilling by the pool when he had gotten a call asking him to cut his leave short. He had been pretty angry; it had been his first vacation in a long time. But no one else had been available to take the job, so he'd had to pack his bags and fly back to rainy London earlier than he'd planned. ''But I did take the job, and never in a million years did I imagine that that day would change my life so much.''

''So, this _is_ about Anna, then?''

''She broke up with me, Robert…'' he confessed, his eyes filling with tears. ''…She said…she said…'' John was never a man who showed his emotions much, but this - it was just too much to handle. He shamelessly broke down in tears again, and to Robert's surprise, John wept on his friend's shoulder like a small child for about 10 minutes before pulling himself together.

''Oh, John,'' Robert whispered, trying his best to calm his best friend down. ''She broke up with you...because you asked her to marry you?''

''What are you talking about?'' John looked up.

''I found this lying by the couch.'' He pulled the red box out of his pocket.

''No, I didn't…'' John shook his head and tried to dry his tears. ''I bought it yesterday, but I didn't ask her. She ended it before I even had a chance to think about it.''

''I don't understand,'' Robert admitted, confused. ''Why did she end it, then?''

''I don't know…she was saying something about being broken and not worthy…'' John told him everything, and Robert listened quietly.

''But why didn't you stay and talk to her?'' Robert asked him, when he'd finished.

''You think I didn't try? She wouldn't even let me near her. She said that she doesn't love me any more, Robert!'' he almost snapped at him. ''I'm sorry,'' he apologized quickly, knowing that it wasn't Robert's fault. ''It's just…my life is perfect...and then, in the space of one day, it is nothing.''

''What are you going to do?''

''I have no idea. All I want to do is escape...the whiskey helped,'' he admitted.

''Oh, no, John, you are not touching another drop, do you hear me!?'' Robert straightened up, raising his voice. ''You scared the shit out of me when I found you lying on the couch yesterday! I don't care how down you are, I won't let you drink your sorrows away!''

''Thank you.'' John smiled at him sheepishly. ''And thank you for _this_.'' He raised his bandaged hand.

''You have to thank Sybil for that.''

''What?''

''It's a long story. John, I'm worried about you. You know what happens to you when you drink, and…''

''I know, I'm sorry…I just needed to forget. I still want to...thinking about it hurts too much.''

''Do you love her?'' Robert interrupted, staring directly into his friend's tired eyes.

''Robert, what kind of question is that?''

''Do you love her?'' he repeated the question.

''Of course I do! How can you even ask me that? She's the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life!'' he almost shouted.

''So fight for her!''

''I'm not sure she wants me to fight for her...for us. You should have seen her, Robert - the way she stared at me...'' John exhaled. ''...her eyes full of pain...and _fear_.''

''Do you believe her?''

''Believe what?''

''That she doesn't love you any more?

''No…she said it, but I don't believe it for a second,'' John said with conviction, thinking back on all that they had shared.

''So why did you leave, then?''

''Because she asked me to go. Robert, you'd understand if you'd seen her face. The sight of me was torture for her, which was torture for me.'' John sighed, closing his eyes in despair.

''Are you telling me there's nothing you can do?''

''I don't know, Robert, I don't know anything right now.'' John exhaled and lay back on the bed, pulling the covers over his head.

Robert sat silently for a few more seconds before sitting up straight. ''Are you hungry? I can make you something, if you want?''

''Robert, just go home, all right?'' he answered from under the covers.

''I'm not leaving you,'' his friend replied quickly, and when John was about to protest, he continued, ''I've already rung the school, letting them know that you are sick. Sybil rang an hour ago saying she'll come over to check on your hand around 2 p.m. I fed the dog and took it out, even though I still haven't got a clue where the little thing came from.''

''It was supposed to be Gracie's birthday present,'' John said, finally looking over the covers.

''I'm sorry, John...'' Robert sighed. As he was about to leave the room, John stopped him.

''Robert...''

''Yes?'' He turned around.

''Thanks for everything.''

''Sure.'' Robert gave him a weak smile and closed the door behind him, leaving John alone with his thoughts, which wasn't a good thing at all.

 **xXx**

Anna leaned back against her daughter's bedroom door and slowly sat down on the floor. Resting her head on the door, she let out a breath. She was so tired; she felt like she hadn't slept for a month. She had spent the night tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep for even a minute. Every time she had closed her eyes, all she could see was John's shattered face before her.

After Grace had practically kicked her out of her room the previous night, Anna had decided to give her some time to process everything, but when she went to check on her in the morning, the door was locked. The little minx had locked herself in!

''Gracie, open the door!'' Anna tried again, knocking on the door for at least the fourth time in the last ten minutes. But the only response she got was, ''No, I want _John!_ ''

''I want John, too,'' Anna whispered to herself, and slowly stood up. Still in her nightgown, she went downstairs and tried to make some coffee. As she opened the cupboard to take out a mug, she saw it - John's 'World's Best Nanny' mug, which Gracie had given him for his birthday in December - and that was enough to cause Anna to break into tears. It was a simple little thing, but for some reason it made her finally realize that it was all true. John was gone. She had pushed him away, and he wouldn't be coming back. Tears running down her face, she forgot about the coffee, instead reaching for her phone and dialling a number.

 **xXx**

''Here you go.'' Sybil smiled at her uncle after checking his hand.

''Thank you, Sybil,'' John rested his hand back on his chest and looked away. Robert had told him what she, Cora, and Tom had done to help him the previous night, and no matter how grateful he was to them, it hurt and embarrassed him to know that they had seen him in that state.

''How are you?'' she asked, while putting the bandages away.

''Good, thanks to you.'' He tried to sound cheerful, but failed miserably.

''John...'' Sybil knew about everything that had happened; Robert hadn't been able to help telling his wife and his youngest daughter why John had been in such a state.

''Robert told you, didn't he?'' Of course he did - it was Robert they were talking about, John thought to himself.

''You know how Papa is,'' Sybil chuckled. ''Are you sure you two can't work it out?''

''No, she made me leave, and I love her too much to go back and beg her to take me back when she has made her decision about us. I have to respect that, no matter how wrong I think she is,'' he responded sadly. ''But…'' he added, after some silence.

''Yes?''

''Could you…could you go by her flat and give this to Gracie?'' he asked, opening the top drawer of his nightstand and pulling out a light blue package tied with a ribbon. ''I bought her something and want her to have it, but I'm sure that Anna has already explained everything to her by now, and I don't want to confuse her by stopping by. So...would you?'' he said, trying his best to hold back the tears filling his eyes.

''Sure,'' she replied softly. Taking the package from him, she noticed a small envelope stuck under the ribbon.

''I've written her a short letter. I know it's not a lot, but the kid needs to know that it isn't her fault that I left,'' he explained, when he saw her eyeing the envelope.

''I'll make sure she gets it, don't worry.''

''Thank you.'' He gave her a nod. ''Speaking of kids, could you please take Robert home? I know he cares and everything, but he's driving me crazy.'' John didn't mind Robert being around, but he needed some time alone. He needed some solitude to cry himself to sleep, to grieve, to make some kind of a plan…

''Sure, just promise me that you won't do anything stupid after we are gone.''

''I promise,'' he reassured her.

''All right, then.'' She stood up and walked toward the door. ''Are you…?'' she was starting to ask, when they heard a loud bang outside of the bedroom.

''WHERE IS HE!?'' a voice echoed through the flat.

''Sir, who are you?!'' Robert answered, but the man didn't hear him. ' _'Where is he?!_ '' the man repeated, and both Sybil and John could hear heavy steps approaching the bedroom.

''Sybil, step away from the door,'' John said, when he recognized the voice. ''Sybil!'' he repeated more urgently, when he could tell that the man was just outside of the door. She moved away from it, and just a second later the door burst open.

''YOU LYING BASTARD!''

''George, let me explain…'' John tried to stand up from the bed, but Anna's father was already by his side. Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, George pulled John closer, and before he could say anything at all, the older man swung his fist directly into John's face.

''JOHN!'' Sybil screamed, when John fell back on the bed.

''You son of a bi-...'' George hissed, trying to hit him again, when Robert jumped him. Forcing George's hands behind his back, Robert pulled him away from John and out of the room. George tried to escape Robert's grip, but he wasn't strong enough.

''Robert, let him go!'' John shouted after them, clutching his bloody nose.

Once it had sunk in that John was not coming back, a distraught Anna had rung her mother, begging her to come to London, saying that she and John had broken up. She hadn't explained the circumstances of the break-up, but her obvious emotional distress had caused Alice to pack her bags and take the next available flight. George had insisted on going with her. They had hired a car at the airport, and after dropping his wife off in front of Anna's flat, he had driven away like a mad man. He was so furious with John that he could see red.

''YOU BASTARD!'' George continued yelling in the direction of John's bedroom.

''Sir, I must insist that you leave, before I call the police!'' Robert warned him, pushing him out, and closing and locking the door behind him.

''What the hell was that?'' he asked, walking back into John's room.

John was sitting on the bed, Sybil next to him, trying her best to stop the bleeding. ''That, my dear friend, was Anna's father,'' John replied.

* * *

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	22. Pismo

**Chapter XXII**

''Where were you?'' Alice barked at George, when he entered Anna's flat. After he had left John's place, he had spent another two hours driving aimlessly around the city, trying his best not to lose it again. He was furious, both at John for hurting his girls, and also at himself for having trusted him in the first place.

''Out,'' he replied, taking his jacket off. ''Where is Anna?'' he asked, trying to change the subject, and walked toward the sitting room.

''Out _where_ , George? You were gone for more than 3 hours!'' She followed him with her arms crossed on her chest, feeling more than upset at her husband.

''Out – I said I was _out_.''

''George Anthony Smith! Where were you?!'' she demanded, raising her voice.

''I - I was…I was just…'' he stuttered, not making any eye contact with her.

''You went by his flat, didn't you?'' George didn't have to give her an answer; his face said it all. They had spent hours arguing about the whole thing, after Anna had called home. ''You _promised_ me, George! You gave me your word that you would not go to him before we knew more!''

''I know! But Alice, he promised me that he wouldn't break Anna and Gracie's hearts. He sat in my study, smoking my cigar, looking me in the eye, and he lied to me! And I believed him!" His voice cracked. "For god's sake, Alice - he made a fool out of me! Out of _Anna!_ ''

''No, he didn't,'' Alice said, with tears in her eyes. It pained her to see her husband hurting like this. She knew that what Paul had done to Anna had affected her husband, too. He still felt guilty for not having protected his girls the way that he felt a father should.

''How can you say that? How can you stand in front of me and say that?!'' He stared back at her incredulously.

''Because he isn't the one to blame…''

''Why would you...?!'' he cut her off angrily, but she didn't let him finish, either. ''George! _She_ broke up with him, not the other way around!''

''What?'' Shock registered on his face. ''What do you mean by that?''

'' _She_ was the one who ended it,'' Alice replied, and took a step toward him. Taking his face in her hands, she continued, ''John did nothing wrong, dear.''

George just stared at her for a moment, and when he finally realized what he had done a few hours earlier, he closed his eyes. ''Oh, my god! I - I…oh, god...Alice. But why?''

''Because for some reason she thinks she is not worthy of him.''

''I don't understand.'' George shook his head in confusion.

''Neither do I.''

''Where is she now?''

''I gave her some sleeping pills so she could rest. She was beside herself.''

''And the little one?'' he asked, feeling a tear slipping down his cheek. He felt so upset about everything - about the fact that his girls were sad and now also that he had probably broken an innocent man's nose.

''She won't come out of her room. All she wants is John,'' Alice said, and broke into tears. She and Anna had had a long talk about everything that had happened, why Anna had felt that she'd had to let John go before it was too late, before he could hurt her first. Alice didn't agree with her, but for now Anna needed her mum's love and support, not an argument or criticism.

George opened his arms for his wife, and she gladly fell into his embrace. ''Oh, George - what are we going to do?''

''Are you sure Anna has made her mind up?''

''I'm afraid she has. She is so afraid of being hurt again, and I don't know what we can do. And don't get me started on Gracie.'' She sniffled into his shirt.

''Let me try.'' He kissed her forehead. ''OK?''

Just as Alice was about to agree, they heard a knock on the front door. Letting go of his wife, George walked toward the door, and when he opened it, he came face to face with a vaguely familiar-looking young woman.

''You!'' Sybil shouted at him.

''Miss…?'' he began.

''Don't you 'Miss' me!'' She smacked him with her handbag.

''Miss, please calm down!'' He covered his head with his hands and tried his best to avoid her blows. ''Miss!''

''What is your problem?! Barging into people's homes and breaking their noses!'' she yelled, and hit him even harder.

''What?!'' A voice behind George's back made her pause. ''He did _what?!_ '' Alice asked testily.

''Alice…''

''What is the matter with you people?! Isn't it enough that he got his heart broken? You had to smash his nose, too?!'' Sybil finally stopped hitting George. She was livid, but her anger was nothing compared to Alice's.

''George! You _broke_ his nose?!''

''I didn't know that it wasn't his fault!'' He tried to defend himself, but failed.

''You idiot!'' Alice smacked him. She had guessed that he was at John's, but she had never in a million years imagined that he would actually hurt him. ''How could you do that?! What were you thinking?!''

''You _know_ what I was thinking!'' he retorted, but just as Alice opened her mouth to reply, Sybil cried out, making both of them stop.

''Oh, no!''

''Honey, what's the matter?''

''I…I think my water just broke,'' Sybil said, looking up from her belly.

''What?'' George choked out.

''See what you did? You upset the poor lass so much that her water broke! Come on, dear, let's get you to hospital. You can ring your family on the way.''

''But the baby's not due for another month!'' Sybil panicked.

''Honey, don't worry - it will be all right. Come on.'' Alice took her coat, put her arm around Sybil's shoulders, and helped her to the car.

''What can I do?'' George followed, wanting to help.

''Just stay here, all right!? You've done enough damage for today!'' Alice barked at him. ''I'll ring you from the hospital.''

''OK, OK,'' he replied quickly, opening the car door and helping Sybil to get in. When he was about to close the door, Sybil pulled John's gift out of her handbag. ''Here, this is for Gracie from John. Would you give it to her, please?''

''OK, I will.'' He took it from her, not bothering to ask about it. ''Alice, please ring me, all right?'' he reminded her.

''Yes, don't worry,'' she called, as she pulled the car away from the kerb.

 **xXx**

''Gracie, dear - it's me, Grandpa.'' George knocked on the door lightly and waited for a response. ''Gracie, are you there?''

''Yes.'' A tiny voice finally answered.

''Hi!'' George called to her. ''Happy birthday, little one!'' When she didn't respond, he added, ''I have something for you.'' He stared at the small package and letter in his hand. He toyed with the idea of opening it, but quickly set that thought aside. He had created enough problems today already. Still hearing nothing from Gracie, he finally offered, ''It's from John...''

The moment John's name came out of his mouth, George could hear small footsteps making their way toward the door. Gracie slowly unlocked the door and opened it just a little bit. She wasn't crying, but her red, puffy eyes showed him that she had been.

''Hello, Gracie,'' George said softly, trying his best not to get teary himself. It hurt him to see his favourite girl like this; it wasn't right. Kneeling down, he offered her the package.

''Thank you,'' she replied and took the box from his hand. This time she didn't lock the door behind her; she simply sat herself on the bed and opened the box. Inside was a small blue picture frame with a photo of Anna, her, and John standing by the snowman they had made in the park on Christmas Day. It had been the real first photo they had ever taken together, and it made Gracie smile. She placed the frame on her nightstand and reached for the envelope with her name on it, pulling out a folded sheet of paper.

''Would like me to read it to you?'' George asked, when he saw that she was hesitating to open it.

''Yes, please,'' she said, looking up. George stepped in and sat next to her on the bed. Taking the letter from her hand, he gently opened it and started reading:

 _HELLO MUNCHKIN,_

 _I KNOW YOUR BIRTHDAY HASN'T TURNED OUT THE WAY WE PLANNED IT, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU. I COULD NEVER FORGET MY FAVOURITE GIRL'S 7_ _TH_ _BIRTHDAY!_

 _YOU ARE A BIG GIRL NOW, AND KNOWING YOUR AMAZING MUM, SHE HAS PROBABLY ALREADY EXPLAINED TO YOU THAT I WON'T BE COMING BY THE FLAT FOR A WHILE. WE HAD A LITTLE ARGUMENT, BUT THAT IS WHAT GROWNUPS DO SOMETIMES - THEY ARGUE - AND ALL WE CAN DO IS BELIEVE THAT THEY CAN MAKE IT RIGHT AGAIN WITH TIME._

 _SO PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY WITH YOUR MUM FOR TELLING YOU THAT. SHE LOVES YOU, SHE LOVES WITH ALL HER HEART, AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MAD AT HER. I KNOW YOU MUST BE CONFUSED ABOUT EVERYTHING, BUT I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE REASON FOR MY LEAVING HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. YOU ARE A SMART, BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING LITTLE GIRL, AND I LOVE YOU, MUNCHKIN! NEVER FORGET THAT, OK? NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR WHEREVER YOU ARE, PLEASE KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND THAT I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RING ME AND I'LL BE THERE, DAY OR NIGHT._

 _SO GET UP, PUT ON THAT GORGEOUS DRESS WE CHOSE, RUN TO MUMMY, EAT PIZZA, AND WATCH FROZEN TOGETHER. GIVE HER A HUG, TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER, AND THAT I LOVE HER, TOO._

 _AND DON'T FORGET…I LOVE YOU, TOO!_

 _HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRACIE!_

 _JOHN_

By the end of the letter, George was fighting to hold back tears. If this wasn't proof of true love, nothing could be. It was obvious that the man really loved his daughter and granddaughter unconditionally, and he could feel guilt spreading through his body for not having believed in John, for having had so little faith in him.

''Don't cry, Grandpa. John loves me!'' Gracie smiled and stood up. Taking a purple dress out of the closet, she put it on, and then ran to Anna's bedroom.

''Gracie?!'' Anna turned her body around when she heard the door opening. Even though Alice had given her sleeping pills, she could not rest; her mind was running too wild to allow her to sleep.

''Mummy?'' Gracie stopped in front of the bed and stared at her.

''Yes?''

''I love you,'' she said quietly, and Anna burst into tears. ''Oh, honey, I love you, too!'' Anna reached for her and pulled her onto the bed next to her. ''I love you so much!'' she repeated again and again, hugging her as close as she could. She felt so relieved, knowing that her daughter wasn't angry with her any more.

Although Gracie still missed him terribly, she took John's words to heart. She spent her 7th birthday on the couch tucked between Anna and George, watching Frozen, and eating pizza. And before the day turned to night, Alice rang, letting them know that Sybil had given birth to a healthy baby girl.

* * *

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	23. Kriza

**Chapter XXIII**

''Mr. Bates, how nice it is to have you back!'' Miss Froggatt greeted him warmly when he walked into the staff room.

''It's nice to be back,'' he lied, smiling weakly. It was Monday morning, two weeks after he and Anna had broken up, and the only reason he was back at work was the fact that the bills had to be paid. He didn't have much left after Vera had taken almost everything he had owned. Robert had offered him some money but John, being John, had kindly refused it.

''I do hope you are feeling better?'' the young woman asked, while he poured himself some coffee.

''Yes, I am. Thank you for asking,'' John replied, but that was far from the truth. His nose was still in bandages, his knuckles were still bruised…his heart was still broken.

The last two weeks had been an emotional rollercoaster for him, but one with no highs...just varying degrees of lows. There had been days when he had just stayed in bed, days he had just sat on the couch staring at the tiny red box, there had even been a day when he had dressed himself, convinced that he was going to go to Anna's place and try to fight for her…but he hadn't.

14 days of complete misery had left their mark. He was barely sleeping, had lost weight, and the only reason he still looked remotely healthy was the thick stubble covering his exhausted, drawn face. He didn't bother with shaving any more; to tell the truth, he didn't bother with much of anything these days. The only two things that had prevented him from turning to the bottle again were Robert and the little puppy, which he still hadn't named.

Miss Froggatt's voice echoed in his ears, but he didn't hear a thing she was saying. He quickly excused himself, leaving her standing by the counter, and made his way down the corridor to his office. Closing the door behind him, he sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. He knew that he had a lot to catch up on after two weeks away, and he was actually glad about that. He needed to throw himself into his work so that he could forget, just for a moment, the terrible pain in his heart.

 **xXx**

In an office on the other side of the city, a petite blonde woman was feeling the same pain.

''Anna? ...Anna...?'' Jane's voice finally caught her attention.

''Yes?'' She turned and stared at Jane blankly.

''Your client, Miss O'Neill, is here.''

''Yes, of course. Tell her...umm...tell her I'll be right there,'' she replied, and slowly started to gather her things. Jane observed quietly from the door for a moment, before stepping inside the office and closing the door behind her.

''Anna...'' she began, but her friend didn't respond. For the last couple of weeks, Anna had been a completely different person. Her bright blue eyes were dead, she was as pale as a sheet, and the circles under her eyes seemed to grow darker each day, even though she had tried to cover them with powder.

Anna's parents had only stayed in London for a week, and after they left, her daily routine had become much more complicated, since John had been the one to take Gracie home after school and stay with her until Anna returned. Now Anna left work every afternoon to pick up Gracie and then brought her back to the office, where she'd sit at a table in the corner, working on homework, drawing, or reading a book, until Anna was finished for the day.

While it wasn't ideal, it was working for them, at least so far. But it also meant that Anna had less time for herself than before. Even her afternoon breaks were no longer her own; she spent them with Gracie, helping her with homework or just giving her a few minutes of one-on-one time.

''Anna!'' Jane repeated, raising her voice.

''What?!'' she turned around and snapped at Jane, but quickly apologized. ''I'm sorry.''

''Can we please sit down and talk? I'm really worried about you.'' Since the day Anna and John had broken up, she and Jane really hadn't had the time to talk about what had happened. And Anna had buried herself in her work, claiming that she was OK and didn't need to talk.

''I can't right now. Miss O'Neill is waiting for me, so if you'll excuse me,'' she replied, and started to walk to the door.

''There is no Miss O'Neill, Anna, and if you thought about it, you'd know that, too. I made her up to prove to you that you're not yourself right now.'' Jane stopped her, putting both of her hands on her friend's shoulders. ''Please, Anna, talk to me.''

Anna just stared at her for a moment. Tossing the files onto the desk, she sat herself in the small armchair in the corner of the office.

''Talk about what Jane? How I can't sleep, or eat…or even think? How I try my best not to burst into tears, every time I see Gracie missing him? How I feel when Robert and I bump into each other in the hallway? How I pushed away the only man who has truly cared about me, because of my fears? How my heart hurts just thinking about the fact that he is gone?" She tried to wipe away the tears that had spilled onto her cheeks. "What, Jane? What would you like to talk about?''

She was so tired, physically and emotionally. When she had asked him to leave, she'd really thought that she was doing the right thing. But after some days had passed, she'd finally started to realize what a huge mistake she had made.

When Jane tried to respond, Anna stood up and started to pace around the room. ''Oh, Jane! I've really screwed things up, haven't I?''

''You have,'' Jane replied, calmly and honestly, which made Anna stop and sit back down.

''I'm such an idiot!'' she berated herself aloud. Taking her heels off, she tucked her legs under her.

''Yes, you are, but just because you're afraid of your own past,'' Jane added, knowing that her friend really needed her to be honest and direct.

''I know,'' she said weakly, feeling the tears gathering again.

''Have you tried to ring him?''

''Yes,'' she admitted.

''And?'

''Nothing. The line was dead. I think he changed his number. It's obvious, isn't it? He doesn't want to have anything to do with me any more, and I don't blame him. Jane, I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't, and I can't go and beg him to forgive me and give me another chance now.''

''Are you sure about that?''

''Yes. I pushed him away, and changing his number shows that he doesn't want me to contact him at all. It's all my fault! I made a decision, and now I have to live with the consequences.''

''Anna, I hope you don't mind me asking, but…have you thought about talking with a professional about all of this?'' Jane asked, after some silence.

''You mean therapy?''

''Yes,'' she nodded. ''It's obvious that you're barely coping, and you can't continue living your life like this. The situation with Paul happened 7 years ago, and you're still not over it. It's not good for you, and it's definitely not good for Gracie to see you like this.''

Anna lowered her gaze, and Jane could see her playing with the hem of her shirt. Maybe she had said too much, but she was Anna's friend, and it pained her to see what she was going through, especially to see how much the whole John situation was hurting her.

''You think it could work?'' Anna finally said, looking up.

''It helped me when Simon was killed in Iraq,'' Jane smiled weakly. Her husband Simon had been killed during a rescue mission in Iraq six years ago. ''And believe me, I was a mess.''

''OK…OK, let's try it,'' she nodded. ''Could you give me the number of the therapist you saw?''

''No need, I've already made the call. You have your first appointment on Friday at 5 p.m.,'' Jane smiled. ''And don't worry about Gracie; she can stay at my place.''

''Jane…'' Anna smiled, thankful to have such a good friend. ''Thank you.''

''No worries! How is Gracie holding up?''

''She's OK. After she got John's letter, she….''

''What letter?'' Jane interrupted her.

''He sent her a letter for her birthday," Anna explained. "I don't know what he wrote to her, but whatever it was, it helped her to feel better.''

''He really cares about her, doesn't he?''

''Yes, he does.'' She smiled, thinking about Gracie and John's relationship. He loved her as much as he would if she was his own child, and Gracie absolutely adored him.

''Why don't you come by my flat tonight?" Jane asked. "We can talk, eat junk food...''

''I don't know, Jane, I don't think I'll be very good company, and…''

''Oh, come on, Anna! I can't let you spend another evening all alone. Please come, and bring Gracie, too. I promise I'll try my best to help you feel just a little bit better,'' Jane insisted.

Anna tried to think of an excuse not to go, but failed. ''OK, we'll be there,'' she finally agreed.

''Great! Thank you! And I can't wait to tell you all about my new boyfriend,'' Jane joked, standing up.

''Jane, you do know that he's my brother, right?!" Anna chuckled. ''Maybe I should be the one telling you about him!?''

Jane just laughed, and opened the door. ''See you at 7!'' she added, and left the room, leaving Anna still sitting in the armchair.

 **xXx**

After 7 hours of staring at the computer screen, John's vision was blurring. He took his glasses off and rubbed his tired eyes. He had spent the few last hours responding to emails and had had 3 sessions with children. But truth to be told, he hadn't really listened to everything they had been saying. He knew it wasn't right or fair to them, but he simply could not help himself. His thoughts were full of _her_. He couldn't erase her from his thoughts, and oh, how he wanted to! The only thing that would help him forget was alcohol, and he knew that was dangerous territory.

Unlocking and opening the top drawer of his desk, he stared at the bottle he had brought with him, when he had come to work that morning. He knew that if anyone found out about it, he would lose his job before even getting the chance to apologize.

''For god's sake, John, what are you doing!?'' he scolded himself, and slammed the drawer closed. Robert had asked him to stay away from alcohol, but it was so hard. Resting his head in his hands, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and then he heard his office door open. ''Sorry, but I'm done for today,'' he said, not looking up. He wasn't in the mood to see or talk to anybody else. When no one replied, he finally looked up and saw Gracie standing by the door, staring back at him.

''Gracie!'' His facial expression immediately softened upon seeing her. ''Hello!'' He got up and walked toward her.

''Hi,'' she greeted him, still hesitating by the door, not knowing what to do.

''What are you doing here?'' he asked her, kneeling down to face her and smiling.

''I told my teacher I was going to the loo," she grinned cheekily. She could tell from his smile that he wasn't mad at her.

''Did you really?'' John chuckled.

''Mhm...'' she nodded, and stared back at him.

The truth was that he wanted so badly to hug her, but after all that had happened, he wasn't sure whether she would still want him to. While he was weighing the situation, she beat him to the punch and asked, ''John, can I hug you?''

''Oh, honey, you don't have to ask...come here!'' he said, and before his arms circled her tiny frame, he saw that she was in tears. ''Gracie, it's OK,'' he said, picking her up, sitting down in a nearby chair, and settling her into his lap. She held onto him as if she never wanted to let go. She had missed him so much for the last two weeks, and even though his letter had given her some comfort, feelings of abandonment still lingered.

''I'm so sorry, Gracie...so, so sorry.'' John's eyes welled. ''I love you so much, munchkin,'' he whispered into her hair. ''So very much. I hope you know that?'' He searched her face for a sign that she truly understood.

Her bright blue eyes stared at him, and she nodded. ''I know.''

Her answer made John laugh aloud. ''I'm glad you do,'' he said, and dried the tears first from his own cheeks, then from hers. ''Did you get my letter?''

''Yes, Grandpa read it to me,'' she said.

''Oh?'' John was surprised.

''Yes.''

''So you understand that I didn't leave because of you, right?''

''Yes,'' she replied. ''But I miss you, and Mummy misses you, too.''

''Does she really?'' John asked, feeling the pain again.

''Yes, she doesn't smile much since you went away,'' she admitted. Yes, she was only 7, but she had noticed Anna moping sadly around the flat, when she thought Gracie was in her room. ''And she cries…a lot.''

He winced, thinking about Anna feeling sad and alone when all he wanted was to hold her, kiss her, comfort her. Yes, she was the one who had ended their relationship, but he still loved her and would die before wishing her to suffer.

''Oh, Gracie...'' He pulled her closer to him. ''I miss you two, also.'' He kissed the top of her head. ''It's going to be OK, all right? We'll need some time, but we _will_ get over this,'' he said, knowing full well that he didn't believe his own lies. He didn't know how they would _ever_ get over it. ''And as I said, if you ever need me, just ring me. Here…'' He pulled a piece of paper from his desk, scribbling something on it before he offered it to her. ''...this is my new mobile number, so if you ever need anything or just want to talk, ring me, all right?''

''All right.'' She smiled at him, feeling a lot better seeing him smiling back at her and hearing from him face-to-face that he still loved her. ''You tickle,'' she added, when he placed another kiss on her cheek.

''Do I?'' he smiled, knowing that his stubble must feel rough against her delicate skin.

''Yes.'' She gave him one of her big smiles. ''What happened to your nose?'' she asked innocently.

''I bumped my head on the door, silly me,'' John fibbed. There was no chance he was going to tell her that her granddad had smashed it. ''So, what do you think - should we take you back to class before Miss Froggatt gets suspicious?'' he asked, not wanting to give her a chance to ask him more questions about his nose.

''No,'' she said seriously, not wanting to return. She just wanted to be with him a little longer.

''Come on, you!'' he laughed, and stood up with her still in his embrace. ''And don't forget - John loves you very, VERY much,'' he said, and kissed her cheek.

''Gracie loves John, too,'' she responded playfully, hugging him around the neck. John smiled at her, and for the first time in the last two weeks, he felt a little like himself again. Placing her down on her feet, he took her hand and opened the door.

Walking down the hall and chatting happily with Gracie, out of the blue he heard it… _her_ voice. Looking up he saw Anna standing in front of Gracie's classroom, talking to Miss Froggatt. When she turned toward them, John froze in place. He didn't know what to do. Gracie let go of him and ran toward her mum, who had stopped talking mid-sentence and was staring back him, not knowing how to react either.

Even though he had tried to cover his drawn face by letting his beard grow, she could see that he was not doing well. He looked the same way she felt inside, and she couldn't begin to imagine how he felt. And my god, what had happened to him? His nose was in bandages and she could see that his knuckles were badly bruised.

''Get your bag, honey,'' she said to her daughter, and when she turned her gaze back in John's direction, she saw him walking away from her quickly, without so much as a glance back.

 **xXx**

By the time he reached his office, his entire body was shaking so badly that he didn't know how he could still be standing. He hadn't been expecting to see her so soon. When she had looked up and he had seen her standing only a few feet away from him, all he'd wanted to do was to hug her, kiss her, tell her he still loved her and wanted her, but he hadn't. He had just frozen, and when she had looked down briefly at Gracie, he had taken the opportunity to escape - to run away before she could say anything, before she could look him in the eye and destroy him even further.

He was a weak man. Hurrying to his desk, he took the bottle out of his drawer, put it into his bag, and left. Walking out of the school, he heard her voice.

''John...'' He kept walking, but then heard it again. ''John...?''

Slowly turning around, he saw her standing by her car and staring at him with the beautiful blue eyes that he loved so much. Gracie was already sitting in the car, looking in his direction through the window. He could never make a scene in front of her, so he steeled himself and took a step toward Anna, saying coolly, ''Yes?''

But Anna didn't know how to respond. It felt so awkward standing in front of him, not knowing what to say or do, when they had been so close, when she knew how well they had worked together as a couple.

''What do you want?'' he finally asked, ending the silence.

His voice shocked her - it was so hard and unfamiliar, so...devoid of emotion. ''I just…I just wanted to say…'' She knew she didn't have the right to ask him anything, but she had to tell him how sorry she was. ''…I'm so sorry, John...'' she managed to say, her eyes already full of tears. ''I'm sorry for the way we parted and…I was wondering...can we talk...?''

It really pained him to see her like that, but for once in his life he felt like he needed to look out for himself, to be just a little bit selfish. He couldn't allow her to hurt him even more; if he did, he didn't think he would survive it. So he responded coldly, ''Talk about what, Miss Smith? There is nothing to talk about. You asked me to leave, and I did. So, please…can we please not do this...because I just can't.'' He shifted uneasily from one leg to the other. ''I can't do this.'' Saying these things to her hurt him so much, but he forced himself to continue. ''When we were in Dublin, I told you that I never wanted to be the reason for your suffering, so when you asked me to go, I went… And now I need to ask the same of you.'' His voice faltered very slightly, and he could see her face twitch. ''I…I just can't do this right now.''

''All right,'' she sniffed, and tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

''Thanks,'' he stated simply. He was turning around to walk away, when she added, ''But I'm really sorry, John.''

''I'm really sorry, too,'' he said, and for the second time that afternoon, she watched as he walked away without looking back.

 **xXx**

''John! John, open the door!'' Robert banged on the door of John's flat. ''I know you're in there, so open the fucking door before I take it down myself!'' John had left him a message, saying he'd seen Anna, but Robert had been in a meeting, and he hadn't gotten the message until hours later. John still wasn't answering, and that made him panic.

''BATES! OPEN THE DOOR!'' he yelled again, but nothing happened. Taking a few steps back, he launched himself toward the door to force it open. Just as he was just about to slam into it, the door suddenly opened wide, resulting in Robert falling flat on his face in the hall. John's puppy was by his side in a moment, barking and licking his face.

''Oh, get off!'' Robert scolded, shooing the dog away, and stood up. He saw John standing by the door, and he could see that he was drunk.

''Hello, there,'' John greeted him sarcastically and calmly walked past his friend into the sitting room.

''John, what the…what on earth are you doing?'' Robert followed him, his concern increasing with every step.

''You know, just chilling,'' John huffed, throwing himself onto the couch and taking a swig out of one of the bottles sitting on the coffee table.

''John, I thought we decided - no more alcohol,'' he said quietly, as he sat down in the armchair opposite him.

''Oh, no, Robert.'' John snorted. ''We didn't… _you_ did.'' He took another swallow.

''John, listen…'' Robert began. It broke his heart to see his friend in such a state.

''NO! _You_ listen!'' John cut him off, raising his voice.

Robert ignored him and continued. ''It's going to be all right, John, OK? You can get over this, and I will he-…''

''Shut up, Robert! Just shut up!'' His tongue could be like a razor when he was drunk, and Robert knew that. John threw the bottle he was holding against the wall behind his friend.

''John!''

''NO, Robert, shut up and listen to me! Stop saying it will be all right, you hear me!? Because it won't be - it will _never_ be all right!'' John stood up and yelled, ''I can't get her out of my mind! She's everywhere - she's in my head, in my office, in my flat... Look!'' He grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it aside. ''She's even on my body!'' he shouted, and Robert could see a light bite mark on his shoulder. "I gave her everything, Robert! EVERYTHING! And it still it wasn't enough!'' He broke down and started sobbing. ''She sent me away! And I want to forget, but I can't make myself stop thinking about her! I can't get away from her...I can't forget her...I can't...I...''

Robert walked over to John and held him without saying a word. His best friend was completely broken and all he could do was to let him know that he wasn't alone and try to come up with some way to help him.

After John had calmed down, Robert had him lie down on the couch to rest, covering him with a blanket. As his friend drifted into a fitful sleep, he cleaned up the mess on the coffee table, and then poured what remained in the bottles down the kitchen drain.

Robert checked John to make sure he was asleep, then went back to the kitchen, closing the door behind him. He pulled his mobile out of his pocket, searching for a number in his contacts, then placed a call. After a few beeps, a familiar voice greeted him.

''Hello, it's Robert. We need to talk.''

* * *

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	24. On

**Chapter XXIV**

''See you next week?''

''Yes, see you next week. Bye!'' Anna replied, and closed the door behind her. It was the end of May, and she had just finished another successful session with her therapist. She was making progress, and she felt proud of herself. Jane had been right; it was good to be heard by someone who could give her feedback and help her work through her issues. She and Miss Logan talked about everything - her childhood, school, work, family, Paul, Gracie…John. Fear...and trust. And love.

She had no idea where John had been for the last month and a half. After their chance meeting at the school, he had disappeared completely. She had asked Miss Froggatt about him, but all she could tell Anna was that he had taken a leave of absence due to some personal issues, and Anna knew that the "issues" had to do with her.

Mary had told her that Robert knew where John was, but that he wouldn't tell anyone, not even his own wife, no matter how many times Cora asked him. Only Robert and Gracie knew how to contact him. Her daughter had told her that John had given her his mobile number so that she could ring if she needed him, but Anna hadn't asked her for it. He had given the number to Gracie, not to her, and she had to respect that. But she would be lying if she said that she wasn't worried about him. She still loved him, and not knowing where he was or what he was doing really upset her a great deal.

She was making her way to her car when her mobile started to vibrate in her handbag. She didn't have to look at it to know that it was Mary, ringing to remind Anna to stop by her place to get ready for the event that night. A competing law firm was throwing its annual charity event and she, Mary, and Matthew had been chosen to go and represent Crawley & Levinson.

''Anna, where are you?!'' Mary asked urgently, without even greeting her.

''I'm on my way, Mary. I'll be at your place in about 15 minutes.'' Anna smiled, knowing how upset Mary got when it came to Pamuk & Pamuk, the firm hosting the event. Kemal Pamuk, the elder son of the head of the firm, was the first man Mary had ever slept with. They had met at a uni party and felt an instant attraction to each other, and that night he had sneaked into her room. They hadn't planned for it to happen - well, in retrospect, maybe _he_ had. For Mary, it had ended up being one of the best nights she'd ever had…or so she had thought until the next morning, when he had told her that they could never have a real relationship. He had told her, right then and there, that she was too bossy and immature for him, and that had made Mary furious. She had never been toyed with and then rejected so callously, and she still hadn't forgiven him.

''OK, but hurry! Matthew is making me crazy,'' Mary added, and ended the call.

As Anna had promised, she was at Mary's flat in 15 minutes. Matthew opened the door when she knocked, and his face told her everything. Mary's stress level was through the roof. It was obvious that Kemal's treatment of her all those years ago still rankled, and for Mary, tonight was going to be about showing him what he had missed when he'd had the nerve to walk away from her.

''That bad, hmm?'' Anna smiled at Matthew and stepped past him.

''You have no idea!'' he grinned, knowing the whole Pamuk story too well.

''I heard that!'' Mary shouted from their bedroom.

Anna just giggled. ''Let me handle her.''

''You're an angel,'' Matthew said, and as he was walking down to the guest room to change into his evening suit, he could hear Anna saying, "OK, Mary...ready to make our dear Kemal jealous?!''

''You bet I am!'' Mary answered firmly, and Matthew chuckled, shaking his head.

 **xXx**

''Are you sure I look good in this dress?'' Mary asked for the millionth time, walking into the building where the event was about to take place.

''Yes, Mary, you look very nice.'' Matthew followed her, rolling his eyes out of her line of sight.

''Just 'nice'?'' She turned around with shock written all over her face.

''No, no, he meant that you look amazing!'' Anna jumped in quickly, pulling her toward the coat check. ''Mary, relax, OK? You _look_ amazing and you _are_ amazing!'' she reassured her.

'' _You_ know it, _I_ know it, but apparently Kemal doesn't!'' Mary responded ''He never did!''

''Well, why don't you see if he's changed his mind?'' Anna nodded behind her, to a very, VERY fine-looking gentleman standing by the counter.

''Oh, shit...'' Mary hissed when she turned around and saw him. Looking back at Anna, she added, ''My god! He's still so hot! He…he looks the same - he hasn't aged a day!''

''No, he hasn't,'' Anna replied, giggling. Mary was right...he was gorgeous – dark skin, strong brow, sensual lips, and - oh, my - those intense dark eyes. He _was_ hot! And yet...he couldn't hold a candle to John, Anna thought sadly to herself. Oh, what she wouldn't give to have John standing by her side, wearing one of his black suits, with just a little bit of gel in his hair, that one stubborn, sexy lock of hair hanging down over his forehead...and that warm, loving twinkle in his beautiful eyes.

''Oh, shut up, you!'' Mary giggled, bringing her back to the present. ''Where is Matthew?'' she said to herself, and walked away to look for him, leaving Anna behind.

After saying hello to a few people she knew from court, Anna decided to stop by the bar before looking for their table. She had just finished ordering herself a drink when a familiar voice caught her attention.

''Miss Smith, good evening.''

Anna's eyes widened when she saw him standing in front of her. ''Mr...Mr. Green... What are you doing here?'' she stammered, feeling a shiver creep down her spine. When Mary had fired him, Anna had thought that she would never see him again.

''My boss, Mr. Pamuk, invited me, since I just started working at his firm,'' he smirked, taking a sip of his drink.

''Oh, I see,'' she replied, smiling weakly, desperately looking for Mary or Matthew out of the corner of her eye.

''Looking for someone...?'' Green asked smoothly, when he saw her looking around the room.

''No,'' she answered firmly, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of thinking that he was making her uncomfortable.

''Are you working on anything special right now?'' he inquired, his steely eyes boring into her.

''Umm, not really. You?'' she asked politely. After what felt like an eternity, she finally saw Mary slowly making her way through the crowd in their direction.

''Well, believe it or not, I'm working on something very interesting right at this moment.''

''That's nice...'' she feigned interest, but desperately wanted to get away.

''Oh, well - you know, a man needs to pay his bills. Plus...helping _innocent_ people win back what's _rightfully theirs_ helps me to sleep more peacefully at night,'' he continued, his icy gaze not leaving her face, but Anna wasn't listening to him. She felt a huge sense of relief when Mary finally reached them.

''What the hell are you doing here?!'' Mary barked at Green.

''Nothing really - just having some whiskey, enjoying the party, having a pleasant conversation with my former colleague here...'' He gave her one of his nasty smirks and quietly finished his drink.

''Just…stay away from us! OK, Mr. Green?!'' Mary retorted.

''OK, OK, calm down! I'm going.'' He set his glass back down on the counter. ''But before I do, Miss Smith, please do me a favour and say hello to my good friend over here. He is dying to see you again.''

''What? What are you talking about?'' Anna stared back, puzzled. She was sure that they couldn't have any friends in common.

''Anna, let's just go,'' Mary said, already pulling Anna away from him.

But he stopped them quickly, saying, ''It won't take long - surely you can spare just a minute of your time? Ah, here he is.'' With a sly smile, he pointed behind them.

The moment both of the women turned around and saw Mr. Green's friend, the world seemed to stop turning.

''Oh, my god!'' Mary gasped and covered her mouth in shock.

''Mary…it's been too long,'' the man greeted her, and then turned to her friend. ''Annie, how nice to see you after so many years,'' he said, smiling sweetly.

But Anna wasn't smiling. All she could do was stare at him in disbelief, and just when she opened her mouth to try to respond, the room started to spin, her legs turned to jelly, and she collapsed onto the floor.

* * *

 **BETA: the one and only ANNAMBATES! :D**

 **good morning! :D thanks for R &R&F&PM! :D you are the best! :D**

 **Any ideas on who Green's friend is? ;)**


	25. Nazaj je

**Chapter XXV**

''Step back! Give her some space!'' Mary shouted at the crowd, which had started to gather around Anna's limp form. ''Do _not_ touch her!'' she snapped at Green and his friend, when they started to reach toward her. ''Can we get some water, please!'' she asked, turning to the waiter behind the counter.

''Let us help…'' Green began, but Mary quickly cut him off. ''I said, **_DO NOT TOUCH HER_** _!_ ''

''Mary, what happened?'' Matthew's voice made her turn and look behind her.

''Oh, thank god you're here. Help me carry her, please,'' she said, and Matthew quickly lifted Anna in his arms.

''Is everything all right here?'' a familiar voice asked, and when Mary looked up, she saw Kemal's dark eyes staring at her. ''Mary?''

''Kemal, our friend has fainted. Is there a private place we can lay her down?''

''Umm...certainly. Follow me,'' he said without any hesitation, and made a path through the crowd for them. ''You can set her down on the couch in one of our waiting rooms,'' he said. He led them through the lobby and then opened one of the doors along the hallway. Matthew walked toward the first couch and set her down gently. Placing some pillows under her knees, he stood up and turned to Mary and Kemal.

''Mary, what happened?'' he asked.

''She just collapsed,'' she replied, her brow furrowing in concern. ''Thank you for letting us use the room, Kemal.''

''No problem...but should we call the ambulance?'' he asked, not taking his gaze away from Mary. She was still beautiful, he thought to himself. He stared at her openly, not taking any notice of Matthew.

''No, it's all right. Just give her some time. All she needs is some air and a glass of water, and I'm sure she'll be OK.'' She smiled shakily. ''Oh,'' she added, when she heard Matthew cough lightly behind her, ''Kemal, this is Matthew, my fiancé. Matthew, this is Kemal, a…friend...from uni,'' she introduced them, feeling slightly uncomfortable. After the men politely shook hands, Kemal excused himself and left the three of them alone.

''So _that_ was your Kemal, hmm?'' Matthew smiled at her, and he could see that she was blushing slightly. He didn't mind, not really - it was a long time ago when they had been together. But he had to admit to himself, Kemal Pamuk was a very good-looking fellow!

''Yes, that was Kemal," Mary nodded, "but he's not mine and never really was.'' Matthew wanted to add something, but she walked past him and knelt by Anna's side. ''Anna? Anna dear, can you hear me? Come on, wake up!'' she called her, and lightly patted her when she didn't respond.

''Ma-…Mary?!'' Anna finally opened her eyes a crack.

''Yes, it's me. Come on, try to sit up,'' she encouraged, and eased her into a sitting position.

''What…what happened?''

''You lost consciousness, dear,'' Mary explained, and offered her a bottle of water.

''Oh…'' she replied, confused, and took a sip from the bottle.

''Do you remember anything?''

''Umm…I was by the bar when Green showed up…I don't remember what he was saying, but…'' Before she finished her sentence, she suddenly remembered the person she had seen. ''Oh, my god, Mary! HE IS HERE!'' she shrieked.

''Anna, calm down,'' Mary said quickly.

''He is here!'' she repeated, still not believing it was true.

''Yes, he is, but…''

''That bastard! Did you see how he smiled at me?! I'll kill him!'' Anna fumed, standing up angrily, but dizziness got the better of her and she quickly fell back down onto the sofa. She just couldn't believe it. After so many years of complete silence - no calls, no letters, nothing - he had stood right in front of her, smiling at her like nothing had ever been amiss between them! ''He's here, Mary!'' she repeated, this time with fresh tears in her eyes. ''I can't believe that he's here!''

''Who is here?'' Matthew finally asked, still standing by the door watching them, not understanding what the two women were talking about.

Mary turned to face him and simply answered, ''Paul.''

''Paul? Who is Paul?'' Matthew asked, not knowing much about Anna's history.

''He is…'' Mary began, but Anna quickly interrupted, ''He's Gracie's dad.''

''What? I thought he was in America?''

''He was…but as you can see, he is back in England,'' Mary snapped, and turned to a still-shocked Anna. ''Anna, what would you like to do?''

''I… I don't know.'' She looked up, dazed. How dare he approach her after so many years and act like nothing had happened, like everything he had done was all right. ''I think I want to go home.''

''Yes, sure. I'll take you,'' Mary replied without hesitation, and helped her stand up. ''Matthew, would you mind staying? Papa is expecting a full report tomorrow morning, but I can't leave her alone.''

''Sure, sure. Go, I'll take care of everything,'' he answered and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, before Mary helped Anna walk back through the lobby and out of the building.

 **xXx**

After a short drive, the two women arrived at Anna's flat. Luckily Gracie was spending the night with Jane, which would give Anna the chance to process everything without worrying that she would upset her daughter. Unlocking the door, they walked in and sat down on the couch in the darkened sitting room.

''Anna…do you want to talk?'' Mary asked hesitantly, but Anna just stared in front of her, not saying a word. She hadn't yet recovered from the shock. ''Anna?''

''Did you see the way he was staring and smiling at me?'' she finally spoke. ''He smiled at me the same way when we met for the first time,'' she remembered. ''What is he doing here, Mary? Why did he show up like this…after the way he left, after so many years?''

''I don't know,'' Mary answered gently and covered Anna's hands with her own, which made her look up. ''Is there anything I can do for you?''

''Can you stay with me tonight?'' Anna asked, sounding like a little child. She was so confused and overwhelmed; it felt like all the progress she had made in therapy in the last month and a half had been for nothing. Paul was back. She didn't know why, but seeing him out of the blue after so many years...it was just too much for her.

''Yes, of course I'll stay with you. Come here.'' Mary opened her arms and held her friend. She was very aware how much damage Paul had caused when he had left. She had never liked the man - something about him had just rubbed her the wrong way - but Anna had been happy when they were together, and that was all that had mattered. But now, she couldn't let him hurt her again, not Anna...and definitely not Gracie.

''Mary, can I ask you something?'' Anna whispered in the dark.

''Sure, you can ask me anything.''

''Do you really not know where…where John is...?''

She missed him so much. She had talked a lot about what had happened to them in her therapy sessions, and with the help of Miss Logan, Anna had finally started to understand...and believe...that she was indeed worthy of John and his love. What Paul had done to her so many years ago was completely his fault and not hers at all. She had done nothing wrong, and had done nothing to cause him to leave her. He was the one who had made the decision not to stay with her and their child. All she had done was to survive as best she knew how and to give Gracie the life she deserved, full of love and support.

She wondered whether John might possibly give her another chance. She had hurt him very badly, and she knew that, but she needed to see him...to find out for sure whether she had ruined any chance of them ever being together. And even if he wasn't willing to try again, she felt like she needed to apologize to him one more time…to ask for his forgiveness.

''I have no idea where he is. Papa is refusing to tell us anything. All he has told us is that he is alive and well...'' Mary explained, and then she paused. ''You still love him, don't you?!''

''Of course I do. I never stopped.'' Anna sat up straighter. ''I...got scared. Deep down I think I was afraid that he would leave me if I got pregnant without us having planned it, so I left him before he had the chance to walk away first.''

''John would never do that to you, Anna.''

''I know he wouldn't. He is the sweetest man in the entire world, and I...I was terrible to him. He wanted to talk and work things out, to help me feel better about us, and I just told him we were through. I told him that I didn't want a future with him and that I didn't love him any more, just to make him leave." Tears pricked her eyes. "He didn't deserve to be treated like that. I've made such a mess, Mary...I've made a mess of everything.''

''Yes, you have, but…I also know John. Anna, do you realize the way he was when you were around...the way he looked at you...how full of life he was? He practically worshipped you and Gracie. I've known him my whole life, and I don't think I'd ever seen him so completely happy. That kind of love doesn't go away just like that. If you ask me, he still loves you.''

''I...don't think so. You should have seen him the day I bumped into him at Gracie's school. He wouldn't even look at me.''

''He was hurt, Anna...he was devastated. The love of his life had broken his heart. You can't blame him for not being able to look at you. He was probably barely holding it together,'' she replied, making Anna feel even worse.

''I know. I hate myself for doing that to him, but I was so scared. I still am, but this time I'm afraid I won't be able to get him back. I miss him so much, and I know Gracie misses him, too. He gave her his number and she has talked to him a couple of times, but it's not the same as having him a part of her life every day. He was brilliant with her, and I've ruined everything.''

''So Gracie doesn't know where he is, either?''

''No, I don't think so. She said she rang him a few times, but I didn't ask her what they talked about. It felt wrong to ask. He gave his number to her, not me, and I think I need to respect that, no matter how much I want to talk to him.''

''So...it sounds like the therapy is helping?''

''Yes, I think it is. It's not easy, but Miss Logan helps me talk things through.'' Anna gave her a weak smile.

Mary smiled back, glad that Anna had finally realized that the way Paul had treated her all those years ago hadn't been her fault, and that she understood she'd made a huge mistake when she had pushed John away. But right now what had happened this evening was in the forefront of her mind, so she asked, ''What are you going to do about Paul?''

''I have no idea. I don't even know why he's here. And how does he know Green?''

''Well, they are _both_ pieces of shit, so…'' Mary grinned, making Anna smile for the first time since they had left the party. ''Do you think he came back to finally meet Gracie?''

''I don't know, but he is not coming near her! I won't allow it! I'm not going to give him a chance to damage her, too,'' Anna responded angrily, and she was serious. He had missed his chance at being a dad, and he had caused enough trouble as it was. My god, if George knew that Paul was back, he would be on the first plane down to London to slam his pathetic face into a wall.

''Maybe it was all just a coincidence?'' Mary speculated brightly.

''I hope you are right, I really do...'' Anna replied.

But Mary couldn't have been more wrong. Just a week later, Anna would be sitting in her office, checking her notes one last time, when a knock on her door would once again change her life…this time for the worse.

* * *

 **BETA! :D ANNAMBATES! *** THANK YOU**

 **so Paul hmmm? :O thank you for R &R miss-ute loves you! :D**


	26. Skrbništvo

**Chapter XXVI**

''Come in...'' Anna called politely, not taking her eyes off of her notes.

''Miss Smith, good morning.'' A far too familiar voice made her look up.

''Mr. Green?!'' she frowned. ''I thought you were no longer allowed in this building.'' She leaned back in her chair. It was true - after Green had been fired, Robert had banned the man from the Crawley & Levinson offices.

''I'm not, but don't worry. I have a security guard right outside of your office, to guarantee that I behave.'' He grinned slyly, making her stomach turn. He really was one of the vilest, most repulsive men she had ever met.

''So what do you want? What are you doing here?''

''I was just thinking about the other night, when we bumped into each other at the party. Seeing you made me realize that I behaved very badly when we were working together, and I just wanted to stop by and apologize to you,'' he said smoothly. ''So I'm sorry about anything I did or said to you that might have caused offense.'' He smiled, but it just felt wrong to her. Something in his voice told her that he wasn't sincere.

''OK…are you finished?''

''Uh, yes.'' He feigned surprise at her response.

''All right…'' She stood up and looked him directly in the eye. ''…so cut the bullshit, Alex, and tell me the real reason you're here.''

He stared back at her and after a few moments of silence, he started to snicker. ''You really are something, Smith. I knew it from the moment you walked into this firm. Your kind is always the same.'' His earlier smile had devolved into a sneer. ''He was right about you - he told me that you would never believe me, coming here and asking you to forgive me.''

''What are you talking about? Who told you what?''

Leaning on her desk, he answered, ''Paul Wilson…your ex. The father of your child. The man whose heart you broke when you left and took his daughter away from him.''

''What?!'' She couldn't believe what she was hearing. How dare he! ''What are you talking about? He was the one who walked away from US, not the other way around! And why am I even talking to you about Paul?'' She could feel her blood pressure rising.

''Well, well, so the little lady does have a temper, hmm?'' he smirked. ''Do you remember last week when we saw each other? I told you about a new case I'm working on.''

''Just stop with your little games!'' she shouted. ''Tell me why you're here or leave my office.''

''Oh, you can be so impatient sometimes. Here.'' He tossed a file onto her desk. ''Come on, open it.''

Anna picked it up and slowly pulled the papers out of it. ''What is this?'' she asked, as she began to read the first page.

''This, you little slut, is my revenge,'' he hissed.

''You can't do this!'' she protested, as she read further. ''You don't have a chance!''

''Oh, really?'' he sneered. ''Oh, believe me, Miss Smith - I can and I will. Mr. Wilson wants his precious daughter back, and I'm the one who is going to help him. And believe me when I say that when we are done with you, you'll be broken and all alone, and you'll wish you had _never_ messed with me in the first place.'' He turned and walked toward the door, but just before he left, he added, ''We'll be in touch. Have a nice day, Miss Smith.'' And with that he was gone, leaving Anna standing by her desk, staring at the pages in front of her.

Her legs shaking, she sat back down, unable to pull her eyes away from the two words that threatened to destroy her world: FULL CUSTODY.

 **xXx**

''Jane!'' she called, unable to stand up and walk to her friend's desk. ''JANE!''

''Yes, I'm here," Jane said, hurrying into the room. "What happened?'' She had seen Green walking out of Anna's office when she came back from her break, and something about it just hadn't felt right. Her concern grew when she saw Anna's ashen face. ''Anna?''

''Would you be able to go to Gracie's school and bring her here right away?'' she asked, not removing her gaze from the papers.

''Anna, what's going on? Did something happen?''

''Please, Jane - it's urgent. Can you just go right now and bring her here?'' she asked again. ''I'll explain everything when you get back.''

''All right, I'm going right now.'''

After Jane left, Anna stood up slowly and walked toward Mary's office. She opened her door without even knocking, and when Mary looked up, Anna could no longer hold back her tears.

''What happened?'' Mary jumped to her feet in alarm. ''Anna!? Is Gracie all right?'' Anna set Green's file on Mary's desk and said, ''He's going to fight for full custody of Gracie! That's the reason he's back!'' Anna hadn't heard from Paul since they had met the previous week and she had been glad about that, but like all the things in her life, it had been just too good to be true.

''What?!'' Mary exclaimed, and opened the file.

''Yeah, that's why he's here! And that piece of shit called Green is his lawyer!'' She started to pace around the room.

After reading the papers, Mary looked up. ''Anna, you do know he doesn't have a chance, don't you?''

''I can't believe that he would, after he left me when I was pregnant and refused to acknowledge Gracie. He's never even laid eyes on her! But…'' Anna's eyes once again filled with tears. ''…you know there is _always_ a chance, however small. There is always _something_ he could find and use. I can't lose her, Mary...I can't let him take her away!'' And with that, her tears spilled over. She couldn't believe that Paul would be able to justify a claim for full custody of a child he'd never met, but knowing Green and his tricks, she was really scared of what he was capable of.

''And we are not going to let that happen, all right?''

''All right...'' Anna tried to calm herself by taking a few deep breaths.

''OK, so first of all we need to find you a lawyer,'' Mary said, smiling. ''That won't be a problem - here I am!''

''Mary, you can't be my lawyer - you already have 3 clients as we speak, and please don't take this the wrong way, but I need someone who can concentrate only on this. I can't afford any mistakes; too much is at stake,'' Anna explained, really hoping that Mary would understand.

''You're right, but I can ask Joe to take the other cases. I won't just stand here and watch you get some cheap lawyer from Murray's and...''

''I don't think I can afford anyone else,'' Anna said. She had some money, but not the amount she would need to hire a lawyer of Mary's calibre. ''Oh, god! What am I going to do?''

''You'll listen to me. I don't care what you say - I'm going to represent you!''

''But Mary, you can't…'' she protested.

''Oh, yes, I can.''

''Actually, you _can't_ , Mary,'' Robert interrupted, and stepped into the office, drawing the attention of both women.

''Papa?''

''Your clients requested you and only you, and you signed the contracts, so you'll handle those cases. No argument.''

''But Papa! Green is trying to…''

''I know, I got a call from Mrs. Brown from the court just 5 minutes ago, telling me all about Green's case.'' Like Green, he had his own contacts and connections, and after Green had been fired, Robert had tried to keep up-to-date with what his former employee was doing in his professional life.

''So you can understand why I have to do this?!''

''I can understand why you _want_ to do it, but I can't let you,'' he replied calmly.

''What?! Papa, what are you talking about?!'' Mary stared at him. ''She's my friend! Actually, Anna and Gracie are like family, and I don't care how angry you are at her over her breakup with John! I'm going to represent her, and neither you nor any contracts are going to stop me!''

''Mary, I don't think…'' Anna began, but Mary cut her off. ''No, Anna! I don't care what he says! I know you two haven't gotten along since the whole John thing, but he doesn't have the right to tell me that I can't help you!''

''Are you quite finished?'' Robert asked, when Mary finally stopped. He still hadn't looked at Anna. He hadn't looked her in the eye since the day he had found John on his sofa, drunk and miserable. He had been too angry to look at her, afraid of snapping at her, for hurting his best friend so badly. So he had stayed away, making his secretary give her his messages, if he needed anything from her. And Anna didn't blame him; she had just kept a low profile and focussed on her work.

''Not really! I can't believe you! And I don't care, Papa! I'm going to work on her case, and I don't…''

''No, you won't.'' Robert repeated, making Mary even angrier.

'' _YES, I WILL_ …''

''No… _I_ will,'' Robert stated calmly, and stared at his oldest daughter. Mary's jaw dropped, but her shocked expression was nothing compared to Anna's.

''What?'' Mary asked, not really believing what her father was saying. ''But…''

''Mary, would you mind stepping outside, please,'' he asked her politely.

''You do know that this is my office, right?''

''Yes, I know, but this is my building, so please...'' He gave her a pointed look, and Mary got up and walked out immediately, closing the door behind her.

With Mary out of the room, Robert finally turned to look at a still shocked Anna. ''So, may I see the papers, please.''

''Robert…''

''Anna, I don't want to hear another word about it, all right?'' he said, not wanting to start a conversation that could lead to questions about John.

''But I don't have enough money to pay you,'' she said, handing him the file.

''I don't care about the money,'' he replied, pulling out the papers. ''I don't need money. I have a lot of it already.''

''So why are you doing this? Aren't you upset with me?''

''I am. I'm very upset with you. However…'' Robert didn't know if he should tell her - John had asked him not to - but in the end, he said, ''...John asked me to look out for Gracie while he was away.'' It was the truth, but not the whole truth. John had actually asked him to look out for both of them, not only Gracie, but Robert wasn't going to tell Anna that. He felt she didn't deserve to know that John still loved her.

''Did he?'' Tears filled her eyes once more. She knew John loved her daughter with all his heart, but knowing that he had asked Robert to watch out for her made her fall in love with him even more…and made her feel even guiltier for having hurt him.

''Yes,'' he nodded, but quickly changed the subject. ''So, do we have a deal?''

''Umm, yes,'' Anna replied, wiping her tears away.

''All right. Give me an hour to go over these papers, and then we can talk some more. Did Green say anything about meeting them?''

''No, he just said that they would be in touch.''

Robert nodded. ''Where is Gracie?''

''I sent Jane to pick her up from school. They should be here any minute.''

''Good, very good.'' He stood up. ''Anna, listen - I know it seems impossible for him to win this, but knowing Green, I'm sure he has prepared his case very carefully. He is a smart lawyer, believe me - I taught him a lot of what he knows myself,'' he said, and Anna had to admit that he looked worried. ''And I'm not trying to scare you, but he has money and he knows a lot of people...and on top of that, he's ruthless. He's in it to win, and won't care whom he hurts in the process.''

''What are you trying to tell me?''

''I'm not trying to tell you anything. I'm just saying that it won't be as easy at it seems like it should be.''

He turned to leave the room, but before he reached the door, Anna asked, ''Robert...how is he?''

''What?'' He stopped, but did not look back.

''John - how is he?'' she asked, almost afraid of his answer.

''Anna…''

''No, please… I know I don't have the right to ask, not after what I did, but…please...'' Her voice faltered.

Robert still didn't turn around. He knew that the moment he saw her eyes, pleading for any kind of information, he would lose his resolve and be tempted to tell her everything.

''Just…let's concentrate on Green for now. See you in my office in an hour, all right?'' was all he said before walking out of the room, leaving Anna alone with her fears.

 **xXx**

''Mummy?'' Gracie looked up from her workbook. After Jane had brought her to the office and Anna had quietly explained to her friend what was going on, she took Gracie to the downstairs cafeteria. The little girl didn't realize that anything was wrong; she was really enjoying getting to spend time with her mother.

''Mum?''

''Umm...yes, what is it, honey?'' Anna smiled at her and forced herself to stop thinking about the whole situation with Green and Paul.

''Can I go and ask Thomas to help me with my homework?'' Gracie asked.

''Well, I…can't I help you?'' Anna smiled, leaning forward. She knew it wasn't really about the homework. Gracie just wanted to spend some time with him and maybe get a free cupcake.

''Yes…but...'' Gracie hesitated.

Anna could see she was trying very hard to think of what to say. ''Go on," she smiled at her daughter, "But I don't want any crumbs on your homework, all right? And if Thomas gets busy, let him do his work.''

''Thank you!'' she said and ran toward the counter. ''Thomas!''

''Hello, little one!'' He gave her a big smile, and when she finally managed to pull herself up onto the bar stool, he asked warmly, ''How is my favourite girl today?''

''I'm fine. Would you mind helping me with my homework?''

Considering the place wasn't busy and his boss, Mrs. Patmore, had gone on a break, Thomas didn't have any reason to say no. ''Sure, now what do we have here?'' He leaned over the counter and looked at her book.

''Maths,'' she answered, beaming at him.

''Oh, I see. Hmmm. You know what? I think we should have some cupcakes before doing maths. What do you think?'' He grinned at her, already reaching for a plate for her cupcake.

''YES, PLEASE!'' Gracie closed the book immediately and giggled.

''All right.'' He smiled. ''A chocolate cupcake for the young lady, and let's see…hmm...maybe I shouldn't...'' He mumbled the last part to himself, knowing that Mrs. Patmore wasn't keen on the staff eating while working.

''I won't tell Mrs. Patmore!'' he heard her say, and he had to laugh. ''You won't?''

''No.'' She shook her head vigorously, wanting to make sure he believed her.

''OK, it will be our little secret then. Here we go!'' He smiled and handed her the plate.

Anna observed them from the table, content in that brief moment that her little girl was all right - healthy and happy. But she couldn't help but think about John. He should be the one helping Gracie with her homework, making her laugh and making her feel loved. She wondered whether she'd ever be able to get him back in her life. It was selfish to think about that, considering she was the reason he wasn't here. She knew that, but she really was prepared to do just about anything to have some kind of relationship with him. Brooding about John, like she had been doing for the last few months, she did not notice another man entering the cafeteria, walking directly toward her table.

''Is that her?'' he asked sharply. Anna looked up.

''What are you doing here?'' she countered coldly, standing up immediately. Maybe it was her mama bear instinct, but she didn't feel off balance seeing Paul standing there, the way she had when she had seen him the previous week. From the moment Green had left the papers in her office an hour ago, Anna's focus was no longer on herself or her own feelings any more. It was all about Gracie - her safety and her happiness. And she had vowed to herself that she would never let him hurt her little girl…or let him take her away.

''Is that my daughter over there?'' he asked again, nodding toward the counter where Gracie and Thomas were still laughing.

''What do you care?''

''I care because she is my flesh and blood,'' he replied, and turned his gaze to Anna.

''Are you for real, Paul?'' she fumed quietly, not wanting to draw attention to them, not with Gracie in the room. ''How dare you! How dare you come here after so many years and claim you didn't know you had a child all this time!''

''Well, Annie…''

''Don't call me that!'' she said. He had always used that nickname for her when they were together, even though he'd known that she absolutely hated it.

But he continued calmly, ignoring what she was saying. ''Annie, admit it - you were the one who hid her from me. You deprived me of my chance to know and care for my daughter!''

She just could not believe what she was hearing. ''So this your and Green's fabulous plan?! Claiming that I was the one who left you, and that I never told you I was pregnant? And why would you even want custody now, when you never cared enough to even get in touch after you left?''

He flashed her a smile and turned his full body to her, saying, ''Well, we can always be a proper family now, if you want.''

''What? You've got to be joking!''

''What? We were good together, weren't we? We had fun,'' he mocked.

She covered her forehead with her palm in frustration and started to laugh bitterly. ''No, Paul, _you_ had fun! I was just too young, too innocent, to see you for who you really are. You sold me fairy tales about our future together, full of rainbows, unicorns, and shit, and I was naive enough to believe you. But that was a long time ago, and if you think I'm still that weak, dependent girl you had wrapped around your little finger, let me tell you, I'm not.''

''Yes, I can see that.'' He smirked again, and took a step past Anna toward the counter.

''What are you doing?'' She stepped in front of him, putting her hands on his shoulders to stop him.

''I'm going to meet my child.''

''Oh, no, you are not going near her. You had your chance, and you threw it away.''

''Annie, let go of me.'' He looked down at her hands, but when she didn't budge, his temper flared. He grabbed her by one of her wrists and pulled her closer, whispering, ''Let go of me, you whore!''

''No!''

''Grace!'' Paul yelled, attracting both Thomas and Gracie's attention. ''Hey, Grace, come to your da…!''

''Shut up!'' Anna covered his mouth with her free hand. ''And her name is _Gracie_ , not Grace!'' she added, glaring. He grabbed her hand and pushed it away from his mouth. Just as Paul was about to respond, Thomas's firm voice interrupted, and they both let go.

''Is there a problem?''

''No, no problem,'' Paul said, and stepped away from Anna. ''Miss Smith and I were just talking, but it seems we'll need to finish this conversation in court.'' He glared at them and then walked out.

When the door closed behind him, Thomas turned to Anna and asked gently, ''Are you OK?''

''Yes, no…I don't know...'' she said quietly, and he could see that her eyes were full of tears.

''Hey, what's going on? Who is he?'' He placed a hand on her back and rubbed it up and down a couple of times, trying to comfort her.

''Gracie's dad,'' she replied, trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

''What?'' Thomas asked in surprise. ''What is he doing here?''

''He…'' she began, but stopped when she saw that Gracie wasn't sitting by the counter any longer. ''Where's Gracie?!'' she asked, panic in her voice.

''Don't worry, she's in the kitchen with Mrs. Patmore,'' Thomas reassured her quickly. ''Anna, what's going on? Why is Gracie's dad here?'' he asked again.

They both sat down, and she told him the whole story.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: say a big thank you to ANNAMBATES! THANK YOU**

 **hello reader :D how are you?! :O not good after reading this chapter?! sorry about that... but thank you for reading and reviewing! :***


	27. Sestanek

**Chapter XXVII**

''Anna! Anna!'' Mary called, hurrying down the hall after her.

''Yes?'' Anna stopped and turned around. It had been 5 long days since Green had stopped by the office with the papers detailing Paul's custody suit, and Anna was on her way to Robert's office for yet another meeting.

''I just wanted to make sure you really are all right with Papa handling your case, considering the friction between the two of you right now,'' she said.

''I am, thank you. He is one of the best, and I'm very thankful to him for helping me.'' Anna smiled, but Mary could see that she was worried, and how could she not be?

''Plus, I hope the judge will have the common sense to see that this whole thing is a complete waste of all of our time,'' Anna sighed. She had hardly slept for the last few nights. After her initial meeting with Robert, they had received a phone call from Green saying that they were scheduled to meet with the judge and the social worker in 7 days. At that time, he would present evidence that he claimed would prove her an unfit parent. She and Robert needed to develop a strategy, so that they would be prepared for whatever Green might throw at them.

Anna sighed. ''I still can't believe that Paul is doing this to us. I mean...I can understand why Green is doing it, but Paul? He never cared about Gracie; he claimed she wasn't his. Why would he suddenly want to be her father now? It just doesn't make sense to me, not after so many years of silence.''

''It does seem odd, doesn't it. Green is full of shit. There isn't a thing in this world he could have found to use against you. You are a perfect mum, Anna!''

''Thanks, Mary.''

''Oh, come here, you!'' Mary said, and hugged her, not caring who might see them in the middle of the hall. ''It's going to be all right, you'll see,'' she whispered. ''Papa would not allow them to take her away.''

''I hope so, I really do,'' Anna replied, and let go of her. ''I need to go. I'm meeting with Robert now, and…''

''Go on, then. You have some arses to kick!''

Anna smiled weakly at her friend and continued on her way. After greeting Robert's secretary, she turned down the little hall that led to his office. As she approached, she could see the door slightly ajar and could hear Robert's cheerful voice. He was having a conversation with someone, and when she was just a few steps from the door, she heard it – his laugh… _John's_ laugh. Was he back?! She froze in place. Slowly she took another step toward the door and listened. It _was_ John!

''So, how are you feeling?'' she heard Robert ask.

''I'm better…'' came John's reply. ''If nothing, I've lost some weight...'' He laughed, but it sounded like his heart wasn't in it.

''John, it's been almost 2 months," Robert's voice scolded. "Surely you've made _some_ progress.''

''Well, I'm not drinking my sorrows away any more, so...''

''Drinking?'' Anna whispered to herself. What on earth were they talking about? Had John been drinking? And, if so, was _she_ the reason? My god, what had she done to him?!

''…and how is Joy doing these days?'' she heard Robert ask next.

''Joy? Who is Joy?'' she wondered, blinking a couple of times.

''Oh, you know…she's fantastic. To tell the truth, I don't think I would have survived these last weeks without her by my side.'' John's voice was noticeably brighter. ''She really is the best!''

''Oh, really?'' Robert teased. ''It sounds like you're in love!''

Anna heard John chuckle. ''Well, maybe I am.''

What? He'd found himself a new girlfriend? Was she already too late? Too late to tell him how wrong she had been, and how sorry she was for pushing him away, for saying all those terrible things to him?! Too late to ask for his forgiveness, for a chance to make it right again...to regain his trust...to say how much she loved him?

She knew that it was all her fault, that she had no right to feel this way, but the realization that he was now in a relationship with someone else made her stomach turn. She desperately needed to see him, and to at least tell him how sorry she was. Knocking on the door, she heard Robert say, ''Come in.''

She got up her courage to face John and pushed the door open...but he was nowhere to be seen. Robert was sitting behind his desk, and when he saw her, his face blanched. He quickly reached for his phone and pressed the button to mute the speaker.

''I'll have to call you back, Mr. McLanaghan. Good-bye,'' he said hurriedly, and ended the call.

''Anna, what…what are you doing here?'' He stood up nervously.

Still not understanding what was going on, Anna stared back at him with her mouth open. John wasn't here; Robert had only been talking to him on the phone. _He really wasn't back, after all!_ If Robert hadn't been standing in front of her, she would have burst into tears there and then.

''Ummm…we have a meeting,'' she managed to say.

''Oh, right. Please sit down,'' he said quickly, not giving her a chance to ask anything. Had she overheard his conversation with John? And if she had, how much had she heard? ''So Mr. Green was here this morning, and we had an interesting chat...''

''Robert, please - just tell me what he said!'' Anna said, sitting down opposite him.

''Well, first they are going to claim that you never told Paul you were pregnant. Second, Green is trying to present you as an unfit mother to Gracie, and he has provided a list of facts to substantiate his claim.''

''Facts? What facts?'' Anna frowned.

''Here.'' He handed her a piece of paper. ''I know one of them is true, but you will have to tell me about the others.''

Anna skimmed the list quickly. It contained some disturbingly private information: John's and her sexual encounter on the plane to Dublin, her long hours in the office, including a couple of times when she had forgotten to pick Gracie up from school due to work, her therapy, the fact that she'd hired John without interviewing him first, Gracie having broken her arm when she had stayed with Jane to give them a weekend alone, Gracie's lack of a regular caregiver after school...

''How…how did he get all this?'' she asked in shock, looking up at Robert.

''So...is everything on this list true?''

''Umm, yes, but…how? There are things here that no one would know except John or me. And I'm sure John wouldn't have told him.''

''I don't know, but I do know that Green has a great deal of money and many connections." Robert exhaled. "You will need to tell me every little detail about every one of these items on the list, all right? The only way I can properly represent you is if I know everything, and by that I mean _everything_ , OK?''

''Yes.''

''All right.''

''What else did he say?'' she asked, placing the paper back on the desk.

''They have a witness.''

'''What kind of witness? A witness for what?''

Robert leaned on the table. ''As you know, the judge will want to hear what happened on the day you two broke up, right?''

''Yes.''

''Well...you, of course, are going to tell what really happened, yes? So the only way Paul's side of the story could possibly have more weight than yours would be if Green produces a witness, someone who can testify that you did not tell Paul you were pregnant the last time you two saw or talked to each other.''

''What?! Are you kidding me?! There was no one with us when I told him, no one!''

''Anna, calm down,'' Robert said, and continued. ''Did you or anyone you know have any contact with Paul after you two broke up?''

''I didn't. As for anyone else, I don't know for certain, but I don't think so. I mean, no one really could have. I told him that I was pregnant, he accused me of sleeping around, and I left the flat that same day. I went to Gwen's and stayed there for a week, and didn't tell anyone what had happened, not even Mary or my parents. I just needed time to process everything before telling anyone. And then a week later, Gwen and I stopped by his flat, because I'd forgotten some of my stuff, and the landlord told me that Paul was gone. And that was it. He had disappeared, and no one knew where he was.''

''Not even his parents?''

''I don't know. We hadn't really gotten along. They had always thought that Paul was too good for me, so we didn't have any contact.''

''And you never tried to contact him? You didn't call or write to him?''

''No, Robert - he was gone, and that was it. He had made his decision, and by the time Gracie was born, my parents and my friends were my support, and I'd come to terms with him not being around.''

''But his name is on Gracie's birth certificate, right?''

''Yes, of course. I never denied that Paul was her father, never. But you can't blame me for not jumping on the first plane to America to find him.''

''Who told you he was in America?''

''Mary. She had heard some of Paul's friends saying that he had moved to America to study. And I swear, that's all I know.''

Robert leaned back in his chair and stared at her for a moment. ''You know what this means, right?''

''Yes, I think so.'' Anna answered. ''It's his word against mine, isn't it.''

''Yes, but in addition, he supposedly has someone who will testify that you never told him you were pregnant as you are claiming. And this list doesn't really work in your favour, either.''

''How about Paul? Is there anything we can use against him?''

"I've made a few phone calls, and…'' Robert sighed. ''He appears to be completely clean, Anna. He is working for one of the top law firms in New York City, he lives alone in a very respectable neighbourhood, he seems to have money - a lot of it - and he has donated huge sums to children's charities. It sounds like he is one of the most respected and sought-after lawyers in the entire firm. For god's sake, he doesn't even have a parking ticket on his record.''

''So, in one word, he's perfect,'' Anna said, realising what this could mean for the case.

''I'm afraid to say it, but yes,'' Robert admitted. ''So it is critical that you tell me anything we could possibly use against him. Anything at all.''

''All right.'' Anna took a breath to steady herself. This was more serious she could have ever imagined. Regardless, she needed to trust Robert to do his job. ''Where would you like to start?''

''I need you to tell me everything about the day you two broke up, and then we are going go through this list, item by item. We can't let them catch us unprepared.'' He tried to reassure her with a smile, but inside he knew that this was going to be difficult. Green was an extremely skilled lawyer, and right now Robert was regretting all the hours he had spent with him, teaching him all he knew about the law. ''And then we can work on making a list of people we could use as character witnesses for you. Have you talked to your parents about all this?''

''No. I can't tell them Paul's back, not after what they went through after he left me. My dad would lose it, if he knew that Paul was trying to get custody of Gracie.''

''Tell me about it,'' Robert chuckled, forgetting that Anna still didn't know what had transpired between George and John after the break-up.

''What?'' she asked, looking up. She had spent more than one summer with the Crawleys when she was in university, but no one but Mary had met her family.

''Oh, nothing, nothing. But you do know that you'll have to tell them everything at some point?''

''Yes, I do, but I don't want to say anything before we know what we're dealing with.''

''And Gracie - does she know that her father is back in England?''

''No, but I'll talk to her tonight. I can't let her find out about it from Green or Paul.''

''You're right. Talk to her, prepare her for the possibility of meeting him,'' Robert said, and his face and the look in his eyes told her what she was too afraid to ask. Green had come back well-prepared, and there was a definite possibility that when this was all over, Gracie would be spending more than a few hours a week with her father. ''But first...can we talk about the therapy thing?''

Anna looked up again, hesitating. No one except Jane and her family knew that she was in therapy, and it felt wrong talking about it with Robert, especially because John was his friend.

''You know that I can't help or protect you if you don't tell me everything,'' he reminded her, when he sensed her reservations.

''Yes, I know. It's just…you are John's best friend, and he is kind of the reason I'm going.''

''What?'' he raised his voice slightly. What was she trying to say? ''If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who asked _him_ to leave, not the other way around!''

''I know that!'' she replied quickly. ''I made a mistake, OK? I should never have broken up with him! I know that now, but Robert...I was a mess! John loved me - he loved me so much - and I got scared, because of my past experience with Paul. So I'm trying to overcome my fears by going to therapy. I've gone every Friday afternoon for the last six weeks...''

Before she could finish, she had dissolved in tears. After all she had done to try to give Gracie a healthy, happy upbringing, she just could not believe this was really happening. Robert didn't say a word; he simply stood up and walked toward her.

''And just when I thought I was making progress, Paul showed up, and now my therapy is just one more thing they're using to try to take Gracie away! I've already lost John because of Paul. I can't lose Gracie, too! I just can't!'' Robert put his arm around her shoulders.

''It's going to be all right, OK?'' Robert said, more confidently than he felt. ''As Mary said, no matter what, you two are like family, and I will do everything that is in my power to win this, all right?''

''All right,'' she replied shakily, stepping away and brushing at her tears. ''Thank you, Robert. Really.''

''It's OK.'' He smiled at her. ''Now, we still have two days before we meet with the judge and the social worker, so I suggest we begin using that time for you to tell me everything you can. Ready?''

''Yes,'' she nodded, and leaning back in her chair, she started to tell him absolutely everything she could think of.

* * *

 **BETA: ANNAMBATES THANK YOU! ********

 **and thank YOU for reading and reviewing! ;D ********

 **P.S. John sent me a postcard :) he is doing OK :)...**


	28. Gracie

**Chapter XXVIII**

The first three hearings went exactly as Robert and Anna had anticipated...and feared. Green and Paul were insisting that Anna had not told Paul that she was pregnant, so he could not have known that he had a child for the last 7 years. The so-called witness, who they suspected had been paid by Green to testify, claimed to have been visiting their flat when Paul and Anna had had their last argument and broken up. Considering that there was no witness to back Anna's story and that Paul's past was completely clean - compounded by Green's list of Anna's "problems," which he managed to make sound like signs of true negligence and/or instability - both the judge and the social worker appeared to be starting to doubt her ability to properly care for Gracie.

Anna's work schedule was unpredictable, and since John had left, Gracie hadn't had a regular babysitter. She hadn't wanted a sitter after John, so she had been spending her afternoons with one of the Crawleys, Jane, Thomas, or just hanging around the office with Anna. She didn't mind; it was kind of fun for her. But neither the judge nor the social worker saw that as a healthy, stable environment for a little girl.

But what seemed to bother them the most was the fact that Anna had allowed John to take care of Gracie without having interviewed him first. Anna and Robert had no idea how Green had found out about that, but knowing that she had left Gracie alone with a complete stranger seemed to indicate to them that maybe she wasn't doing all she could to protect her child's safety. Anna had relied on the agency's recommendation, but the judge seemed to question whether that had been a wise decision.

After the first hearing, Anna had told Gracie that her father was in town, but the little girl hadn't shown the slightest interest in meeting him. He was a complete stranger to her. But after a month of arguing, Green ensured that Paul could spend a few hours a week with her in the park, accompanied by a social worker, so they could get to know each other. Anna was furious; she didn't want Paul near her daughter. But Robert was once again powerless. He was trying everything he could think of to counter Green's arguments, but nothing seemed to be good enough. No matter what he presented, no matter how well he argued, somehow Green always found a way to fight back and gain the advantage. It was as if the judge was under a spell; she appeared to hang on Green's every word, and it seemed like everything that the man said was somehow irrefutable to her.

After Gracie's first visit with Paul in the park, Anna finally rang her parents and let them know what was happening. To say that they were in shock would be an understatement. Alice started crying over the phone, and George thought he was going to lose his mind after hearing that Paul was back and seeking custody of their little girl. The two of them were on a plane to London before Anna could protest. It wasn't that she didn't want them by her side, she did. But she could see that the pressure and uncertainty that they were currently living with was starting to affect Gracie. The girl was understandably confused and nervous, no matter how many times Anna had tried to explain to her what was happening and to reassure her.

The character witnesses helped Anna to an extent, but some of the decisions she had made since she had moved to London, especially those surrounding Gracie's care, seemed to speak louder; Green made sure of that. After almost two and a half months of arguing, the judge finally came to her first big decision. Mentioning how the rancour between the two parties had escalated in the last month and the stress Gracie appeared to be under, she decided it was in the girl's best interest that she be temporarily placed in foster care, until the whole case was settled. Anna was allowed a week to prepare her before social services would come and take her the following Friday.

''I can't believe it! This is outrageous! What's wrong with this woman?! Can't she see what Green is doing?!'' Anna said angrily, walking out of the courtroom. ''I won't let them take her away, to some strange family I don't even know!'' she said, turning to Robert in tears.

''Anna, you know that you have no choice,'' he replied, feeling terrible about what had happened. He had promised her that he would take care of everything, but had failed.

''I don't care! I won't let them! It's not right!'' She was almost hysterical by now. When the judge had told them that Gracie was going to spend the next few weeks with a foster family, where she would be safe until a final decision could be made, Anna's world had shattered, and knowing that she was completely powerless made her feel physically ill.

''Anna…''

''No! You promised me! You promised me, Robert!'' she yelled, tears streaming down her face, and Robert didn't have any other choice than to push her into the adjacent men's toilets, fortunately currently unoccupied, to get her away from prying eyes.

''You promised!'' she shouted again, and started to hit him on the chest with her fists.

''I know, I know, and I'm sorry!'' He felt like crying with her, but he knew that would just make everything even harder, so he simply let her hit him over and over again. When she had finally exhausted herself, he held her, waiting for her to calm down and stop shaking.

When she had finally calmed herself, she let go of him and stepped away. ''I need to go home. I need to talk to Gracie, and spend some time with her before the social workers come and take her away,'' she fretted, rinsing her face with cold water.

''Anna…'' he began, but she didn't let him continue. ''It's OK, Robert. I know it's not your fault, and I'm sorry for my outburst. I'm a lawyer myself, and I heard and saw everything you did. You did nothing wrong; in fact, you were brilliant. Green is the one who doing this, who is trying so hard to ruin me, and we aren't stupid - we know something illegal must be happening here. I don't how he is doing it, but this is _not_ over.''

''Should I try and investigate them again?'' Robert asked.

''You've already checked on them, over and over again. And not one of your people has found anything that could prove that Green or Paul are doing anything fishy.''

''So what are we going to do?''

''I don't know, I can't think right now. All I want to do is go home, spend some time with my daughter, and try to prepare her for what is going to happen.'' She sighed. She was so tired - tired of listening to Green and Paul's ridiculous accusations, tired of her parents and friends trying their best to make her feel better and hovering over her, when they all knew the situation was bad, tired of being strong when all she wanted to do was cry and scream and lash out. But she couldn't- she had to pull herself together. Gracie's safety and well-being came first, and she knew that if she started crying in front of her, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from falling apart completely.

''Would you please do me one big favour, though?

''Anything.''

"Could my parents spend this weekend with you and Cora? Please...just ring them and tell them that I'll pick up Gracie from Thomas's. I don't want to talk to anyone who is going to ask too many questions today.''

''What are you going to do? You won't run, will you?'' Robert asked, worry evident in his eyes.

''No, I won't run. I just want to spend three normal days alone with Gracie - eat meals with her, talk to her, and pretend everything is normal for this weekend. Please, Robert...I need to do this or I will crack, and I don't want to...I can't...not now. I need to be strong for my daughter, and I can't be with my folks hovering over me all the time. I know they mean well, but I just need some alone time with her, so please...'' she begged.

''OK, I'll ring them, pick them up from your place, and let them know what's happening.''

''Thank you.'' She smiled at him shakily, and left the toilets looking more exhausted and hopeless than he'd ever seen before.

 **xXx**

''It's open!'' Thomas called, encouraging Anna to walk into his flat.

''Hi, it's me,'' she said from the entryway.

''I'm in the kitchen, come in!''

Anna made her way toward him. ''Gracie and Jimmy just popped out to the corner shop. They'll be right back. Hungry?'' He smiled at her while making himself a sandwich, but his face quickly fell when he saw her chin quivering and tears in her eyes. ''Hey, hey...'' He put the cheese back on the plate and walked toward her. ''Come here,'' he said, and hugged her.

''Oh, Thomas...'' She almost choked on her tears, trying to explain what the judge had decided to do. After John had disappeared, Thomas had offered himself and Jimmy to look after Gracie if she ever needed help. He had even stopped by her flat a couple of times and done some small repairs for her.

''Bastards!'' he swore under his breath, after Anna had finished telling him everything. ''Are you OK? I mean...I know you aren't, but do you need anything?''

''I don't think so. Thank you, Thomas.'' She let go of him and gratefully accepted the handkerchief he offered her. ''I'm just going to spend a quiet weekend with her, and try my best to explain why a stranger is going to come next Friday and take her away from me.''

''My god, Anna - what is wrong with these people? I'm telling you, if I ever see those bastards, Green or Paul, I'm going to kill them!'' he said, leaning on the counter and staring at her.

He loved her as if she were his sister; she was one of his best friends. Growing up gay in a small village in the north of England hadn't been easy on him. He had left home at age 18 and moved to London, hoping he could start over. But the hate and disapproval he'd experienced had stayed with him, so wherever he was, he'd had a tendency to react defensively, which pushed people away.

After he had started to work in the Crawley & Levinson cafeteria, Anna and Jane had been the first to treat him like a human being, not caring about his sexuality or reacting to his often prickly exterior. They had made him feel welcome and good about himself. What the heck - the two of them were even the reason he and Jimmy had started dating. He was, for the first time in his 26 years, happy and comfortable in his own skin, and he wanted the same for Anna.

''Thank you, Thomas - thank you for being here for me these last couple of months.''

''Sure...and I just want to say…'' he began, but was interrupted by giggles coming from the front door. Jimmy and Gracie were back from the shop.

''Hello, you two!'' Anna brushed her tears away quickly, hoping that Gracie wouldn't see she had been crying.

''MUMMY!'' Gracie shrieked when she saw her, letting go of the small shopping bag she was holding, and throwing herself into Anna's arms.

''Hi, how are you?'' Anna asked, lifting her up and giving her a kiss on the cheek. ''Where were you?''

''At the shop! Jimmy bought me a lollipop, see?'' She pulled the sweet out of her pocket.

''I hope you thanked him,'' Anna reminded her.

''She did,'' Jimmy said, putting the bags on the counter and smiling at Thomas.

''Good. Ready to go home?'' Anna smiled and set her down on the floor.

''YES! Can we get pizza tonight?'' she asked, flashing a winning smile.

''We can get anything you want, honey. Come on, take your bag and say thank you to Uncle Thomas and Uncle Jimmy.''

''Thank you!'' Gracie exclaimed, hugging Thomas first, and then Jimmy, making both of them laugh.

''Thank _you_!'' they answered in unison.

They escorted Anna and Gracie to the door and said their goodbyes. Thomas wished Anna good luck, and she felt grateful to have a friend like him.

"Thank you, Thomas, Jimmy.'' She smiled. ''Bye.''

When the girls were in the car, Jimmy turned to Thomas and asked, ''Is it bad?''

''It is,'' Thomas nodded, while waving goodbye to Gracie. ''She's on the verge of breaking, Jimmy.''

''Is there anything we can do to help her?'' he asked worriedly.

''I do believe there is,'' Thomas said, his eyes lighting up. He disappeared into the flat.

 **xXx**

''Are you sure you don't want to watch Frozen?'' Anna asked, standing in the kitchen after she had rung the pizza place a few blocks from them.

''Mhm,'' Gracie nodded, sitting on the counter. The truth was that since John had been gone, she had stopped watching it. Even Olaf was sitting sadly on the top shelf of her bedroom closet, waiting for Gracie to play with him, but she wouldn't even look at him, no matter how hard Anna had tried to encourage her.

''OK, so what would you like to watch?''

''I Love Lucy!''

''Again?'' Ever since Gracie had spent two afternoons with Cora a couple of weeks ago, everything was _Lucy_ this and _Ricky_ that.

''Yes!'' she giggled.

''Which episode?''

''The chocolate factory one.''

Anna smiled at her for a moment, pretending to think about it. But the reality was that today and tonight were going to be all about Gracie. They were going to spend the afternoon and evening together in their own little bubble, and tomorrow she would try her best to explain - without frightening her - what was going to happen next Friday. ''OK. Go and put the DVD in,'' she said, laughing.

''Thank you, Mummy!'' Gracie squealed, and with Anna's help she jumped down from the counter and disappeared into the sitting room.

Before Anna went to join her, she turned off both of her phones. No one was going to bother them, not today. About 15 minutes later, their pizzas arrived, and they spent their entire afternoon cuddling on couch, and watching episode after episode of the series. It was almost 8 p.m. when Anna started getting tired of watching that crazy redhead and her sexy Cuban husband.

''Are you thirsty?'' she asked Gracie, but didn't get a response. Gracie was glued to the screen with the biggest grin on her face, which made Anna smile. It was so nice to see her happy. The last months had been long and hard for both of them, and she was thankful that Gracie was tougher then she looked, especially given what was going to happen in 7 days.

Walking toward the kitchen, a knock on the door pulled her into the hall. Anna unlocked and opened the door, and came face-to-face with an older woman.

''Yes?'' Anna said politely.

''Are you Anna Smith, mother of Gracie May Smith?'' the woman said with authority.

''I am. Who are you?'' Something wasn't right, Anna thought to herself, when she saw two men standing at the bottom of the stairs.

''I'm from social services. We are here to escort the child to her foster family.''

''WHAT?!'' Anna raised her voice. ''What are you talking about?! The judge said you would be here next Friday!''

''I don't know what the judge told you, but we have instructions to pick her up tonight. See?'' She held the papers in front of Anna's face. ''So, if you'll excuse me...'' She tried to walk past, but Anna wouldn't let her.

''Miss Smith, I know it's hard, but you have to let me do my job,'' the woman said, and tried once again to walk into the flat.

''Get the fuck out of my house!'' Anna hissed through her teeth. Noticing the woman waving the men over, she added, ''You can't do this! I haven't even told her yet!''

''Is there a problem?'' one of the men asked, walking up behind the woman.

''Yes, there _is_ a problem - you came too soon. The judge said I had seven days from today!'' Anna protested, while at the same time reading what was detailed in the papers. Unbelievably, everything appeared to be in order. Despite what the judge had said earlier that day, social services had a legal right to walk into her home and take Gracie away, using force if they needed to.

''Step aside, please,'' the other man said, and pushed the door open. ''Where is the child?''

''Leave her alone!'' Anna said, raising her voice again.

''Where is she?'' the woman demanded, but before Anna could answer, she saw Gracie standing by the door to the sitting room, staring at the four of them in confusion.

''Gracie...'' Anna managed to say, before one of the men walked toward the girl and bent down. He said something to her that Anna couldn't catch, and Gracie looked at her and started crying.

''What did you say to her?!'' Anna asked. ''What did he say to her?!'' she asked again, turning to the woman, as the man picked up Gracie and started to walk out the front door.

''Gracie! _Let her go!_ '' Anna shouted at him, and when she moved to stop them, the second man grabbed her and pulled her back. ''Let go of me! Let go! GRACIE!''

''MUMMY!'' Gracie screamed, tears escaping her frightened eyes, as she tried to pull free of the man's hold.

''GRACIE! LET HER GO! DO YOU HEAR ME?!'' Anna was becoming hysterical. ''YOU BASTARDS! LET HER GO!'' She tried to free herself so she could go after her daughter, but the man's grip was too strong. ''LET ME TALK TO HER! SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING!''

''Miss Smith, please calm down,'' the woman said coldly. ''Your daughter will be just fine. She is in safe hands now. You have nothing to worry about.''

''You swine! How can you do this to us!'' Anna yelled at her. ' _'Let me go!_ ''

The man waited to see that Gracie was safely in the car with his colleague, and as the car pulled away, he finally let go of Anna. She could see Gracie's terrified face crying for her through the window, and she ran down the stairs to the pavement, chasing after the car and calling her daughter's name.

" **GRACIE! GRACIE!** "

But she wasn't fast enough. The car picked up speed and she could see it turning the corner. Desperation kept her going, but when she finally reached the end of the block, the car was already gone.

'' ** _GRACIE!_** '' she screamed again, her face covered in tears and an overwhelming physical pain filling every part of her body. She bent over and wept, oblivious to the cars and people going past.

She realized that she needed to get back home. She needed to ring Robert and let him know what had happened. Something wasn't right; someone - and she was sure it had been Green - had managed to get the date changed and the papers ready before they should have been, and without their knowledge. And the people from social services had treated her as if she were somehow a danger to her child. What had they been told and by whom?

She hurried back in the direction of her flat, her mind going a mile a minute, and was just a couple of doors away when she saw the second man still standing by her front door. The woman was nowhere to be seen. Why was he still there? His back was turned, so he didn't see her approaching. She ran until she was just a few steps in back of him.

''How _dare_ you! Who sent you so early?! What did they tell you?!'' she shouted, so livid that she couldn't see straight. She was about to grab his jacket, when suddenly he turned around.

Anna froze when she met his gaze. Two worried but beautiful hazel eyes were staring back at her, and all she could do was burst into tears again and throw herself into his arms.

"You're back! You're really here!'' she whispered over and over again, while he held her as if he'd never let go.

He was back...John was back!

* * *

 **beta: I'm so proud of you annambates! so much angst! and I know how much you hate it :) THANK YOU!**

 **I know, I know...poor Gracie :'''''''''( ...but John is back! :)) THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING! ...and please don't hate me... :O**

 **P:S: nurs3gir1 start writing ;)**


	29. Banna

**Chapter XXIX**

He was back! After almost 5 months of complete silence, he was back! She could not believe it, not after what she had done to him. But his strong arms around her, his low voice whispering something into her hair, his scent - which she loved so much - enveloping her, all of it told her that it was really true. John was back, and for real this time.

She couldn't stop her tears, partly because Gracie had been taken away and partly from the shock of seeing him standing in front of her, and she was crying so hard that she didn't even notice when he slowly sat them down on the ground near the front door, with her still safely in his embrace. She was shaking, and looking down without a word, he could see her face buried in his shirt. She looked so fragile, so small to him, nothing like the Anna he knew. Seconds became minutes and minutes felt like hours to him, while he patiently waited for her to calm down.

''Anna?'' he gently whispered, after she had finally run out of tears. ''Anna?'' he tried again, but she still didn't say a word, still in shock that he was there. ''What's the matter? What's going on?''

Slowly looking up, she replied weakly, ''You don't know?''

''Know what?'' he asked, looking confused.

''They…they've taken Gracie away.''

''WHAT?'' he stared back at her in shock. ''Anna, what are you talking about? Who's taken Gracie where?''

''Social services. Green must have…''

''Green?! What…what does he have to do with Gracie?!'' Just hearing the man's name made his blood pressure skyrocket.

''Didn't Robert tell you?'' she asked, and wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her shirt.

''Tell me what?'' He raised his voice in frustration. The last time he had talked to Robert had been a week ago, and he had said both Anna and Gracie were all right. Had he lied to him?

''Let's go inside and talk,'' she said, but when she tried to stand up her legs gave out; she was so weak. But John caught her before she could hurt herself.

''I've got you,'' he reassured her, his hands supporting her around her waist.

''Thank you,'' she whispered, without looking him in the eye. She was so ashamed of herself. She had hurt him terribly, and yet he was still here helping her, without even knowing what had happened.

Turning toward the door to go in, they both heard tires squealing, and before they could see what was going on behind them, they heard a shout.

''Anna! Get Gracie! Green made a call and social services is going to be here any mi-…'' Robert shouted until he came closer and saw someone standing next to her. ''John?'' He stopped. ''What are you doing here?''

''What am I doing here?'' John barked, furious that his best friend had not let him know what was going on while he was away.

''John, I can explain…'' Robert began quickly, seeing that he realized he had been lying to him all this time.

''We'll talk about that later,'' John hissed. ''First tell us what's going on!''

Turning and seeing Anna's devastated face, Robert knew that he was too late, that they had already taken her child. ''I tried to ring you the moment I heard, but both of your phones were off. I drove right over here, but I can see that I'm too late.''

''You are. They had the papers, there wasn't anything I could do without making things worse for us,'' she replied shakily. Just thinking about her little girl being frightened and confused in someone else's home, surrounded by people she didn't know, made her feel ill. If John's strong arms hadn't been around her, she would have collapsed.

''Let's go in. I'll make some more calls - I'm sure we can find someone who can tell us where they've taken her,'' Robert said, and followed them into the flat.

John laid Anna on the couch, and she told him a short version of what had been happening over the last few months. Afterwards, John joined Robert in the kitchen. Patiently waiting for him to end the call, he just stared at his friend. He was so angry! He never should have listened to him and gone away for 4 months. He should have been here, protecting both of his girls from Green and Paul.

''Thank you, thank you very much. Goodbye,'' he heard Robert saying.

''So?''

''There is nothing we can do.'' Robert shook his head sadly. ''Anna was right; they had a legal right to take her. The best I could do was to get permission for Anna to ring Gracie in the morning.''

''That's it? One bloody phone call?'' John raised his voice. ''Robert, for god's sake, why didn't you tell me!?''

''I didn't want you to…''

''To what? To jump on a plane in a heartbeat to be here for them?''

''Yes!'' Robert said. ''You are my best friend, John, and I had to make sure you focussed on yourself first and made yourself better again. She had already broken you once! And I could not, in good conscience, let her do that again!''

''Oh, come on, Robert!'' he hissed and looked at the celling, inhaling in frustration. ''How dare you not tell me? You know how I feel about them!''

''Yes, I do, and that's the reason I didn't tell you!'' Robert shouted back. ''She broke you, and you almost destroyed yourself because of her! So I'm sorry I lied to you, but I was trying to watch out for you and protect you from yourself!''

''Robert…''

''Just forget it. I need to talk to Anna,'' Robert said, and walked past him into the sitting room, leaving John standing by the counter, feeling bad for having yelled at him. Robert was right - all he had done was to try to be a good friend, to make sure John healed himself before telling him anything that could have put him in a vulnerable position again.

After Robert finished explaining to Anna that she could ring Gracie in the morning, he asked, ''Should I bring George and Alice back? I don't want you to be alone tonight.''

''Umm...'' she hesitated, when John, who was leaning against the doorframe, interrupted. ''I'll stay with her.'' Both Anna and Robert look at him in surprise. ''…if you want me to, of course,'' he added quickly, in case she felt uncomfortable at the thought of him staying the night.

''Would you? Really?'' she asked. After everything that had happened between them, she couldn't believe that he was offering to stay with her.

''Really,'' he said.

''Thank you,'' she nodded, and gave him a weak smile.

''So, the answer to my question is no. All right.'' Robert stood up. ''I'll be back in the morning. Get some rest and try not to worry. She was placed with one of the best families, of that I'm sure.''

''Thank you, Robert,'' Anna replied, standing up to walk him to the door.

''It's all right, I can show myself out,'' he said, quickly stopping her, and when John walked toward him, he stopped him as well. ''I said I can let myself out.'' He eyed John. ''See you tomorrow.''

Locking the door after him, John stepped back into the living room, finding Anna sitting on the sofa, staring at the wall opposite her. ''Would you like some tea?'' he asked gently.

''Umm...yes, thank you,'' she answered, not looking at him.

Walking into the kitchen, he filled the kettle and placed it on the stove. In some ways, it felt like he had never left; everything was in the same place as it had always been. Opening the cupboard to get the mugs out, he saw it - his mug, the mug Gracie had given him for his birthday. Anna had kept it, and for some reason it made him happy to know that she hadn't thrown it away. Taking two mugs out and setting them down, he leaned forward, elbows on the counter.

After he'd received a phone call 7 hours ago, telling him that Anna and Gracie were in serious trouble, he had never in a million years imagined this. It was so much worse he had imagined. And then finding out that Robert, of all people, hadn't told him what had been happening, he'd felt betrayed, even though he now realized that Robert had only been trying to protect him. His deep brooding was interrupted by the sound of water boiling. Turning the stove off, he filled the mugs and added the tea bags, letting them steep. After preparing the tea, he took a few deep breaths and walked back into the sitting room, noticing that she hadn't moved an inch.

''Here you go.'' He offered the mug to her and sat down on the other side of the couch.

''Thank you,'' she replied, still not moving her eyes from the wall.

John slowly sipped his drink and waited. To tell the truth, he didn't really know what to say or do. It didn't feel strange or anything, he just didn't know what she wanted him to do.

''Anna?'' he finally called her name, when he saw she still hadn't touched her tea.

''Ye-..Yes?''

''What…umm, I mean, is there anything I can do?''

She slowly turned to look at him and finally said, ''I know that I don't have any right to ask, but…could you hold me?''

Without answering her, he placed his mug on the coffee table and moved to sit closer to her. ''Come here,'' he whispered. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him, so she could rest her head on his chest. He sighed, feeling like he was finally home. Her body heat felt so good after all this time, and holding her against him felt like heaven.

Anna had to admit to herself that for the first time since everything had gone wrong between them, she truly felt safe. She cried quietly for a while, feeling him gently tracing his palm up and down her back, before she finally found the courage to ask, ''John, why are you here?''

''I got a phone call earlier today, saying that you and Gracie really needed me, so I packed my bags and flew back as soon as I could,'' he answered.

''And how long are you staying?''

''For as long as it takes us to get our girl back,'' he answered firmly, not giving her a chance to push him away again. He was back to stay, this time forever, even if she asked him to leave. He had actually been planning to return to the city on Sunday to try to talk with Anna, and do what he could to save their relationship. The phone call he had received 7 hours ago, begging him to come back as soon as possible, claiming something was wrong with his girls, had only accelerated his return.

He had said "our girl," Anna thought to herself. Was it possible that he still cared about her?

After that, they simply sat on the couch not saying another word. She could feel his hand tighten its hold around her, but he didn't say anything and she didn't press him.

''How are you?'' he finally asked her quietly, hoping not to upset her even further, but wanting to show her that he did care and wanted to know everything.

''Trying to hold it together for Gracie's sake,'' she answered honestly, ''...when in reality all I want to do is cry…but I can't, because I have to stay strong for her.''

''What chance do they have? Green and Paul, I mean.''

''When Paul came and said he was going to fight for custody, I thought he didn't have a chance, but now…Robert has done everything he could think of, but still Green seems to have everything in his control.

Hearing that, John felt even guiltier for having yelled at Robert. ''Has Paul told you why he's doing this?''

''No, he keeps insisting that he didn't know he had a daughter all this time, and that he has just come to claim what is legally his.''

''And what does Gracie have to say about all this?''

''You know her. If she doesn't like something, she is going to make sure you know it.'' Anna chuckled, well aware of how her daughter could be. ''She doesn't like it, and she definitely doesn't care about him. He's a complete stranger to her. Oh, John - you should have seen her when she came back from spending supervised time in the park with him. She was crying, begging me not to make her go again. And I was powerless...I still am.''

''I should have known something wasn't right when she stopped ringing me,'' he whispered under his breath, but she could still hear him. He sat silently with his thoughts.

''Why didn't _you_ ring me?'' he finally asked her.

Hearing him say that, she moved away from his embrace, and for the first time since he had returned, she looked at him properly. He looked so different to her. She didn't know where he had been for the past few months, but wherever he was, it had done him a lot of good. He looked healthier, fitter, maybe even younger, and the beard which covered his face reminded her how handsome he had always been.

''Ring you? And say what?'' She stared at him. ''Beg you to come back to be here for me after everything I'd done to you? I could never have done that to you, that wouldn't have been fair!''

''Anna…''

She stood up and ran her hand through her hair. He was still the sweetest man in the whole world. After everything she had said and done to him, he had come back to help her.

''My god, John, how can you even look at me after everything? I screwed up everything and still here you are, offering me your support and help.'' She started to pace around the room in frustration.

''Why are you here, John? Why are you so good to me when we both know that I don't deserve it? Why don't you yell at me and call me names?'' she cried. Suddenly she stopped pacing, and her eyes widened. ''My god, is this my punishment for pushing you away? I've lost you...and now I need to lose Gracie, too, so I can understand what a fool I was?!''

''Anna...'' he called her and stood up, but when he approached and opened his arms to hold her, she moved away.

''No, I don't deserve you or your sympathy, John. It's all my fault! I'm a bad person, and I deserve everything…''

''STOP IT!'' he raised his voice, making her stop and turn toward him. ''If I ever hear you talk about yourself like this again, I swear to god I'll walk out of here, and never come back! Do you hear me?'' It hurt him to see her like this, to hear the things she was saying about herself, when in his eyes she was perfect.

''But…''

''Shhh,'' he said and stepped toward her, and this time she didn't move away. Without saying a word, he pulled her into his arms.

''Let me go! I don't deserve this!'' she yelled, trying to escape his hold, but he didn't have any intention of letting go of her. ''Let me go!'' she yelled over and over, hitting his chest with her fists, trying to make him release her. But he sensed that what she really needed was comfort and reassurance, and didn't move an inch. If anything, he only pulled her closer to him, waiting for her to calm down.

''I don't, I don't…'' she managed to say a couple more times before bursting into tears again. He could feel her body finally stop fighting, and before he knew it, she was hugging him back and had buried her face under his head. All the time they had been together, he had never seen her cry like this. It made him feel powerless, and all he wanted was to take her pain away. They just stood in the middle of the room for a while, and when she had managed to calm herself down just a little bit, he lifted her under her knees and picked her up. He could hear her murmurs of protest, but he didn't listen. Walking into her bedroom, he placed her on her bed and lay down behind her, pressing his front to her back. Her whole body was shaking from shock, and the only thing he could do to try her calm down was to hold her around the waist and rest his head in the crook of her neck.

After 20 minutes had passed, he could sense her exhaustion taking over. Feeling her drift off, he finally allowed himself to let go of the breath he didn't know he had been holding, and then his own tears started to fall.

 **xXx**

Slowly opening her eyes, Anna could feel something warm pressed against her back. Looking down, she saw a large, comforting hand around her, and then she remembered. John! He was back! ...and Gracie wasn't.

As slowly as she was able, she managed to turn around, in hopes of looking at him while he slept, but he was already wide awake. His eyes stared back at her, and he smiled weakly.

''What's the time?'' she asked softly.

''A little past 2:00 in the morning,'' he answered, not moving either his gaze or his hand from her. ''How are you feeling?''

''Tired,'' she replied, while shifting to make herself comfortable on her back, ''…and like a failure.''

''You are not a failure, Anna,'' he said gently, and propped himself up on his elbow to get a better look at her.

''But I am. I've managed to screw up everything that was good in my life - first us, and now Gracie…''

''You didn't screw us up on your own; we both did that,'' he interrupted. ''You got scared, and I left you when I should have stayed and tried to make you fight for us.''

''What are you talking about?'' She stared back at him. ''I was the one who asked you to leave, the one who pushed you away when I should have talked to you about my fears, and…''

''Did you mean it?''

''Mean what?''

''When you asked me to leave,'' he said, but she didn't have to reply for him to know the answer. ''See? Deep down, I think I knew you didn't really want me to go, and I still left, when I should have stayed and tried longer.''

''How can you blame yourself when I am the one who hurt you, the one who made you turn to drink...''

He furrowed his eyebrows in surprise, shame written all over his face. ''How…how do you know about that?'' She wasn't supposed to know…at least, not yet…

''I overheard Robert talking to you about it on the phone, and I can't begin to tell you how terrible I feel about everything. I'm so sorry, John, so sorry…'' She could feel fresh tears gathering in her eyes.

''Oh, Anna...'' He cupped her cheek with his free hand and made her look at him. ''It wasn't your hand that put the bottle up to my lips and made me drink…it was me, all me, and I won't let you blame yourself for that, too. I didn't know how to handle everything that happened, so I chose the easy way out, the way my father always chose, and I'm not proud of myself. But you should never blame yourself for that, I won't let you, do you understand? It was _my_ choice, not yours.''

''Why are you so good to me after everything I've put you through?'' She leaned into his palm and closed her eyes.

''You really want to know?''

''Yes…'' she nodded slowly, and opened her eyes again.

''Because, Anna love…'' He gave her one of his smiles that was still reserved only for her. ''… you are the reason I believe in love,'' he stated simply. It was the truth, and he didn't feel angry or sad any longer.

''Before we met, I had never been lucky in love, and my disastrous marriage had made me feel that love was just not ever going to happen for me. But then I met you. I loved you when we first met, I loved you as we got to know each other, I loved you when things were good, I loved you when we fought, and I loved you even when you asked me to leave. I loved you for all those months I was away. And I still love you now, and I realize that no matter what you say or do to me, nothing will ever change that, not now...not ever.''

''John…'' Was she dreaming? Because all these things he was saying to her just felt too good to be true.

''Anna, listen…in my heart I feel like I already know the answer, but…'' He smiled, and asked simply, ''Do you love me?''

''What?'' She stared at him, not believing what he was asking her.

''Do you love me?'' he asked again.

''Do I love you?''

''Yes. Do you, Anna May Smith, love me, John Bates?''

''I…what?'' She really couldn't believe what she was hearing, not after the way she had treated him. He just stared at her with a sparkle in his eyes, as she tried to make sense of the fact that she was hearing things from him that she'd never imagined she would hear again.

He could see he had surprised her, but he had no intention of letting her go again - he was back to stay. ''Anna…do you love me?'' he tried again, chuckling, but slowly running out of patience while waiting to hear her answer.

''I…I do,'' she finally managed to say, and burst into tears. ''I do! I love you!'' she repeated, and when he smiled at her, she locked her arms around his neck and pushed him back onto the bed so she was now lying half on top of him. It felt so good to feel her weight pressing his body down. It had been a long time...too long.

''I never stopped,'' he heard her mumble into his neck.

Cupping her head with his hand, he made her look into his eyes. ''So can I assume that you are ready to try to work things out, to fight for our relationship, for us?''

''I am!''

''All right…but…'' he added seriously, which scared her a little.

''What?'' Was he only playing with her feelings? Because if he was, she felt like she wouldn't survive it.

''…before we focus on making things right between us again…I think we need focus on getting Gracie back first. We need to bring our girl back home.''

Anna just stared at him. How could she ever have doubted him or their love? What in the world had possessed her to push him away? All she wanted to do was to kiss him, to show him how sorry she was, how glad she was that he was willing to give her another chance when she knew she didn't deserve one.

Somehow he could sense what she wanted, and said, ''You know we can't, right?'' It didn't feel right to kiss her, not when their little girl had been taken away, and was feeling miserable and afraid.

''I know,'' she nodded, understanding what he meant. She felt guilty about feeling such happiness and relief when her daughter had probably cried herself to sleep in a stranger's home.

''Come,'' he said, and pushed her back on the bed. Hugging her around the waist, he pulled her closer to him and placed a kiss on her hair. They lay like this for about an hour in complete silence, processing everything, before John spoke again.

''Anna, stop it,'' he said, his eyes closed.

''Stop what?''

''Stop staring at me and try to get some sleep.''

''I can't.'' She smiled weakly and moved her hand to touch his cheek. The contact made him open his eyes and look at her. He could see that she was tired and worried about everything. How could she not she be? Removing his hand from her waist, he took her hand in his and gently kissed it.

''And why not?'' he asked, when his lips left the soft skin he had missed so much.

'''Because I'm afraid you won't be here when I wake up in the morning,'' she answered. ''And I don't think I could be strong if all this with you is only a dream.''

''But I'll be here. I told you, I'm not going anywhere,'' he responded, resting both of their hands on her belly.

''You are too good to me. How can you still love or trust me after everything…?''

''Anna, shhh,'' he interrupted, placing a finger on her lips. ''I've spent the last 4 long months brooding about what happened, what you'd said to me when you asked me to leave, and I get it...I didn't then, but I do now. You didn't push me away because you didn't love or want me any longer. You pushed me away because you got scared that the past would repeat itself.''

She didn't say a word, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought.

''And I would be a hypocrite if I pretended I didn't know how that feels. I know how it is when your own past and fears make you do things you don't want to do, when you react emotionally, even if your rational mind knows better. I've made a million mistakes and pushed so many people away because of my fear of turning into my father. I even married Vera, believing it was the safest decision I could make. I've made so many bad decisions based on my fears, and that's just what you did. And I understand that now and if you need me to, I forgive you, even though there is nothing to forgive.''

''John...''

''Come here,'' he said, and hugged her closer. ''It's going to be OK, Anna. We'll get Gracie back, and we are going to work this out between you and me. OK?''

''Yes,'' she said, smiling into his shirt. He really was the best man any woman could wish for. ''Can I ask you something?'' she added, finally finding the courage to ask him what she had been dying to know for so long.

''You know you can ask me anything.''

''Who is Joy?''

''Joy? How do you know about Joy?'' He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

''I heard you and Robert talking about her over the phone, and she sounded very special to you.''

''Well, you're right about that.'' He smiled just thinking about her. ''She's a lovely girl. She helped a lot when I was away, and we spent a lot of time together. We went hiking and running, and she even spent a lot of nights in my bed, cuddled next to me,'' he told her seriously.

Anna's face fell. So she was right - he had found herself a new girlfriend. But why was he here with her, saying that he loved her and wanted to work things out between them, if he had someone else in his life?

''But John, you said you're here because you still love me and…''

''I am and I do, but I've gotten really attached to her, and I think you'll love her, too. To be honest, she is coming to London in a couple of days because I just couldn't leave her behind. My flat would feel empty without her, and…''

''What?'' She sat up and looked down at him. Was he for real? She was thankful that he was back, giving her and them a chance to work things out, but she could never share him, she could never sleep in peace at night, knowing that he was home in bed with someone else.

''John, how…I mean know I hurt you, but I don't understand how you can come back and say you love me and then tell me you found someone else and want to be with her, too…'' She really was upset.

Staring at her while she talked, he suddenly realized what Anna was thinking. And even though he didn't like seeing her upset, especially in her current fragile state, he could not help grinning. His Anna was back, and she seemed more than to prepared to fight for him and for them. He hadn't felt this happy in months, and unable to contain his joy, he burst into laughter. She stopped talking and looked at him in shock. It wasn't funny to her.

''Why are you laughing? I know we weren't together and you had every right to find yourself someone else, but you can't say that to me! I've already lost Gracie and I can't lose you, not again…''

He sat up quickly and cupped her face with his palm. ''Hey, hey - it's all right. I think you misunderstood. I don't love anyone but you…''

''But Joy…''

''She's a dog,'' he said with a chuckle.

''What?'' She looked up and saw him smiling at her.

''Joy is a 6 month-old puppy that I bought for Gracie's birthday and never got the chance to give to her, for reasons we both know.''

After hearing what he'd just said, she burst into laughter and tears of relief. ''You bought her a puppy...?''

''I did,'' he nodded. ''We'd talked about it and I had gone ahead and bought her one without telling you. I just wanted to surprise you - both of you.''

''Oh my god, John - you bought her a puppy and I screwed everything up.''

''Yeah, you did.'' He laughed, holding her close and resting them back on the bed.

''What breed is she?''

''A beagle,'' he smiled, knowing how much she loved beagles.

''A beagle! I can't believe it. Where is she now?''

''I left her with my mum, but…''

''Oh my god, you were in Scotland this whole time, weren't you?!'' How could she not have figured it out earlier?

''I was.'' He smiled. ''After Robert found me in a state I'm embarrassed to admit, he called my mum and told her what had happened between us. I was with her and Steve this whole time. They live in this small village up north with just a few cottages around them - no shops, no pubs, no nothing really. Just sheep and mountains and lakes all around. Mum went completely insane when Robert told her that I was drinking, and to say she was disappointed in me is an understatement.''

''John''… she gently interrupted, but he continued.

''We had a long talk when I arrived, and she scared me to death, telling me about my father and his drinking. She made me remember how he made us feel when he was drunk, and that was enough to get me thinking. I'd disappointed her, and she made sure I knew it. It was hard - I won't deny that. I was broken and not myself, so Steve made me wake up every day at 4 in the morning and went hiking and running with me. He made sure I got my head clear, and it helped. After 2 months I finally started to feel like myself again. But I could never, not even for a minute, stop thinking about you.''

With that said, he laid her back down on the bed and they continued to talk. And when Anna finally fell asleep, John put his mind to work, trying to come up with some kind of plan that could hopefully make things right for all of them again.

* * *

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	30. Načrt

**Chapter XXX**

''John? John?'' Her voice echoed through the empty flat. When Anna had woken up just a few minutes earlier, John was nowhere to be found. Running down the stairs, she checked the kitchen and the sitting room, but there was no sign of him. Had everything been just a dream, she thought to herself, and ran upstairs again to see if his bag was still in her room. She was just a few steps away from her bedroom door when she heard the front door closing. ''John?'' she called, praying it was him.

''Yes, it's me,'' he called back. He heard her running down the hall and the stairs, and before he could say anything more, she threw herself into his embrace. ''What happened? Did Robert ring?'' he asked her worriedly, wrapping his arms around her.

''No,'' she shook her head.

''What then?''

''It's just...I woke up and you weren't there. I got scared that you had only been a dream,'' she admitted shyly, not looking up.

''Oh, I'm sorry. You were sleeping so peacefully, and I didn't have the heart to wake you up so early,'' he explained

''Where were you?''

''Out for a run. I've grown accustomed to getting up and out early, since Steve made me go running or hiking every morning before dawn. It's become such a habit that I couldn't help myself. Sorry - I didn't mean to scare you.''

''It's all right,'' she replied, and held him even tighter, not wanting to let go.

He let her hold him for a few more moments before trying to pull back. ''Anna?''

''What?'' she mumbled, with her face still buried in his chest.

''Not that I mind this, but I've just run 5 miles and I think I need a shower,'' he replied, but it was as if she hadn't heard him. She didn't seem to care that he was covered in sweat and smelled a bit. If nothing, it was one more bit of proof that he was real and that he was truly there. ''Anna, I stink.''

''I don't care.'' She looked up and smiled.

''But I do.'' He kissed her forehead gently. ''Come on. I stopped by the bakery and bought your favourite croissants.'' He took her hand and pulled her into the kitchen. Placing the bag on the counter, he added, ''I'm going to take a quick shower, and then we can have some breakfast before Robert stops by, all right?'' He was trying to stay positive, despite the difficult situation they were facing.

''I'm not really hungry,'' she whispered. Her appetite just wasn't what it used to be. She had always been slim, but all the stress had affected her appetite, and she had lost a bit more weight than was healthy for her.

''Well, you have to eat - you need the energy to fight for Gracie,'' he pointed out. ''I'll be right back, OK?!'' He kissed the top of her head before heading upstairs to have a hot shower.

He was right, Anna thought to herself, and put the kettle on. She was about to put the croissants onto a plate when a knock at the door made her stop what she was doing and hurry to open it. She knew it would be Robert, but when she opened the door, she saw that he wasn't alone.

''Oh, Anna!'' her mother cried, and hugged her with such force that Anna almost lost her balance.

''Hi, Mum,'' she answered, her own eyes welling up when she saw both of her parents on the verge of tears. ''Come in. I'm just making some tea.'' They all followed her into the kitchen.

When Robert had returned home the previous evening and told them what had happened, all Alice and George had wanted to do was to be there for their daughter. But knowing Anna's wishes, he had used all of his powers of persuasion and managed to convince them to wait till the next day.

''Why didn't you let us come back to you yesterday?'' Alice asked, visibly upset.

''It's all right, Mum. I just needed some time alone to process everything that had happened, and…''

''Were you alone the whole night?'' Alice asked worriedly. ''But Robert said you had a friend staying with you…''

''I did,'' she smiled weakly.

''Was it Jane?''

Just as Anna was about to answer, a deep voice made all of them turn toward the door.

''No, it wasn't Jane - it was me,'' he said politely.

''John!'' Alice exclaimed happily, and before he could do or say anything, she had given him a big hug. He had always liked Anna's mother, and it felt good to know that she was still glad to see him after all this time.

John turned his gaze to George and looked him directly in the eye. The older man quickly lowered his gaze to the floor, still ashamed of what he had done to John when they had last seen each other.

''Alice, nice to see you again, despite the terrible circumstances,'' John said.

''They took our girl - that awful, awful man took our Gracie away!'' She started crying again until George stepped toward her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

''Come on, dear, let's take our tea into the sitting room, and let the young ones have their talk.''

Alice let go of John and followed George into the next room. This whole situation was even worse than John had realized; it was affecting not only Anna and Gracie, but the whole Smith family. The little girl was their sunshine, and what had happened to her was hurting all of them.

''Are you OK?'' John asked, walking over to Anna and rubbing her back a couple of times.

''Yeah, thank you.'' She brushed a tear away. This was the reason she hadn't wanted her parents around the previous night. Alice was having a difficult time dealing with what was happening, and when Anna saw her crying, it wasn't long before she would burst into tears, as well. That was one thing she didn't need right now - she had to be strong. Her little girl needed her, now more than ever.

''So…'' Robert's voice drew Anna and John's attention. ''I was able to pull some strings last night and managed to get you a short visit instead of a call. I explained to them that you weren't given the chance to talk to her before she was taken away, and they are going to give you 20 minutes to see her.''

''Only 20 minutes?'' John asked, feeling his temper flare.

''I'm sorry. I know it's not long, but that's the best I could do...'' Robert replied.

''What on earth is the problem with these peop-…'' John started to protest, when Anna stopped him by placing a hand on his chest.

''John, it's all right. When can I see her?'' she asked Robert.

''Any time this morning. We can go now, if you'd like.''

''OK, give me 10 minutes to get dressed, and then we can go.''

''All right,'' he nodded.

''Can John come with me? I think seeing him would help Gracie feel a little bit better.''

''He can come, but as he is not her legal parent or guardian, I don't believe they will let him see her.''

''I still want to come,'' John said. ''If you want me to, that is?'' He looked at Anna.

''Of course I do!'' She smiled shakily. ''Thank you.'' Giving him a quick peck on the cheek, she disappeared upstairs, leaving John and Robert alone.

They were both silent for a few moments, not knowing what to say after their argument the previous evening. In the end, Robert was the one who spoke first.

''So...are you two back together?''

''Yes...no…well, we need to work some things out first…''

''I'm sure you do,'' he said, a bit of an edge in his voice.

''Robert...'' John began, but Robert interrupted him.

''I'm sorry. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? But…''

''Robert, come on - don't be like this. You know how I feel about her, how I've always felt. And she still loves me, and she wants to…''

''And what happens when she gets scared again? When she pushes you away and makes you feel that you're not good enough? What then? Will I find you dead drunk on your couch again, covered in blood, like the last time?'' He raised his voice in frustration.

''Robert, listen to me! I'm not that man any more, all right? And I don't think she'll get scared again. Even if she does, I won't let her push me away the way she did the first time. OK?'' He took a step toward him.

''Listen, Rob - you're my best friend. I wouldn't be standing here if you hadn't sent me to Scotland when you did, and I will always be grateful for that. But she is the love of my life, and I would do anything for her, no matter how she'd made me feel or what she'd done to me. I love her, and I love that little girl of hers, and right now I need you to understand that. You can be angry and disappointed in me, but I do hope our friendship is stronger than that.''

Robert looked up. ''It's not that I don't understand. I do," he said. "I know that you love her and that she loves you, but I just never want to see you in that state again, John. You scared me to death - I thought I was going to lose you.''

''I know you don't want to see me like that again, but you have to believe me when I say I'll be all right. I'm stronger now, and I really believe that Anna and I are going to be able to work through our issues and come to a better understanding of each other.''

''You'd better be. I don't ever want to have to ring your mother again and tell her that her only son is screwing up his life,'' Robert replied in a lighter tone, making John chuckle.

''And I don't ever want to have to hike through the Scottish Highlands, my head pounding with the worst hangover ever, listening to my mum berate me,'' he joked. ''So...are we good?''

''We are, but if she ever…''

''I won't,'' Anna interrupted their conversation. She had forgotten her phone on the counter and when she ran down to get it, she'd overheard them bickering about her. And it made her feel even worse than she already did.

''Anna, I…''

''No, it's OK, Robert. Everything you said is true. I made a complete mess of things, and I'll be the first to admit that I don't deserve a second chance from him.'' She glanced at John. ''But for some reason, he's prepared to give me one, and I'm grateful for that. And I'm thankful to you, too. You are doing everything you can to help me, even though I'm not your favourite person right now, and I will never forget what you have done for me. Never.''

''Thank you, Anna.'' Robert nodded, and then surprised all of them, including himself, when he gave her a quick hug. ''OK, enough of that for now. We need to get going. Are you ready?''

''Almost.''

''What about Alice and George? We shouldn't leave them alone when they're so upset. We can take them back to spend the morning with Cora on our way to the foster home.'

''I'll talk to them,'' John said, and before either of them could respond, he had already walked into the sitting room.

''John!'' Alice was on her feet the moment she saw him. ''Oh, how glad I am to see you.''

''And I'm glad you see you…both of you,'' he replied, and looked at George who was still standing in front of the window, looking out onto the street.

After he explained where Robert, Anna, and he were going and that they were going to drop the Smiths off at Robert's again on their way, he asked Alice to go and check on Anna to see if she needed anything before they left, leaving him and George alone in the room.

''Mr. Smith…'' he began.

George finally turned his gaze away from the street and looked at him. ''Mr. Bates…I think we both know that I owe you a huge apology, and…''

''There is no need for that, sir…'' John interjected. He wasn't angry with George for acting as he had.

''But there definitely is. I reacted emotionally before giving you a chance to speak, and when I found out later what had really happened between you two, it was already too late. And I was too ashamed and too cowardly to come and apologize to you like a man. I'm really sorry for what I did, and even more sorry for not trusting you when you'd given me your word.''

Once again, George had surprised John. He had always known that George had reacted so angrily because of his desire to protect Anna, and even though his nose still ached at times, John had understood and hadn't held a grudge.

''Apology accepted…'' he replied politely, and he could see the surprise written all over George's face.

''What? Just like that?'' He had literally broken the man's nose for no reason, and John was going to accept his apology just like that? He hadn't expected it to be that easy.

''Yes…on one condition.''

''All right. Anything you say.''

''Well, I assume that Anna doesn't know what happened that day…''

''She doesn't.''

''…so, when all this is over and we get Gracie back, I'd like you to be the one to tell her. Not me - _you_. All right?''

George stared at him and he knew that John was right - he should have told her months ago, but he had felt so ashamed of himself that he had lost his nerve. ''All right," he nodded, "I'll tell her.''

''Good.'' John smiled and offered his hand, which George gladly took it.

''Thank you,'' the older man said with tears in his eyes. ''Thank you.''

 **xXx**

''Are you sure you can't get anything on them?'' John and Robert were sitting in Robert's car, parked in front of Gracie's foster home, waiting for Anna to come out. Just as Robert had predicted, John hadn't been allowed to see or talk to Gracie, because legally he had no place in her life.

''John, I've been working on this for the last three months and believe me, I've done everything I could think of. They're clean - maybe too clean, if you ask me. Especially this Paul fellow.'' Robert looked at him and sighed.

''What do you mean by 'too clean'?'' John frowned.

''I mean unbelievably clean - almost unnaturally so. My people have looked everywhere and they've found nothing on him at all - not even a parking ticket. If I didn't know the truth, I have to admit that I would believe Green's story. I taught that fellow how to do his job a little too well, if you ask me.

''Do you think something fishy is going on between them?''

''It has to be - I mean, you should see the way both the judge and the social worker are with Green and Paul. They seem to believe everything the two of them say, and I've tried everything I could think of. It's like my words and Anna's words mean nothing to them. I have even tried to ask for another judge, but I got nowhere with that, either.''

''You think it might be possible that Green is paying them?'' John asked, after a few moments of silence.

''I believe that there's something illegal going on, but I can't prove it. And I don't know whether money is involved. The judge is from an extremely wealthy background, so I wouldn't think she'd be swayed by a monetary bribe, and even if the social worker is getting money from him, the judge's word has more weight than theirs.''

''What about Paul?''

''He's filthy rich. He almost has more assets than I do.''

''Are you sure about that?''

''Well, yeah, my people have sent me copies of his financial documents, and he's loaded. But still, you should see him, John - he smiles and nods while we are in court, but the moment the judge leaves the room, he looks nervous and on edge.''

'Nervous how?''

''Well, if I didn't know better, I would say he is on drugs.''

''Drugs?'' John stared at his friend. ''Have you said anything to Anna about that?''

''No, I thought about telling her, but after my people had told me he was clean, I didn't want to give her even more to worry about. She already has too much on her plate.''

''Do you know where he's staying?''

''Who, Paul?'' Robert asked, and when John nodded, he continued, ''At the Ritz. Why?''

''Just asking,'' he muttered, but Robert could hear the gears in his head starting to turn, and he knew that steel in his friend's eyes - he was on to something. But he didn't say a word. He just hoped that John wouldn't do anything stupid.

 **xXx**

Only a few metres away from them, Anna and Gracie were sitting on her temporary bed, with a social worker standing just outside of the closed door, making sure everything went according to the rules.

''I want to go home!'' Gracie cried in her mother's embrace.

''I know you do, honey. I want you to come home, too.'' She had to force herself not to cry, knowing that her little girl was already upset enough.

''So why can't I go with you?'' Gracie asked, choking on her own tears.

Anna paused. She had no idea how to explain all that was happening to her right now, and so for the moment she changed the subject, hoping that some good news might calm her down just a little bit.

''Guess what? John is back!'' Anna said, smiling.

On hearing his name, Gracie looked up at her mum and for the first time since Anna had arrived, she stopped crying. ''He is?''

''He is, and he brought you a puppy!'' She looked down at her, relieved to see the girl finally smile.

''A puppy? A real puppy?'' Her teary eyes shone with excitement.

''Yes, a real one, silly.''

''What is it called? Is it a boy or a girl?'' Gracie started to bombard her with questions, which Anna thought was a very good sign.

''She's a girl, and her name is Joy.''

''Joy? That's a funny name.'' She giggled. ''I like it!''

''I'm glad you do, and I'm sure John will be happy to hear that.''

''Can I see John? I want to see him!'' But Anna didn't even have to reply for her to know the answer. ''Why can't I see him?''

''Well…he's not your daddy, so the lady in front of the door can't let him see you.''

''I hate her!'' Gracie wailed, tears welling up in her eyes once again. If this had been a different situation, Anna might have scolded her for saying something like that, but she knew that the girl was under a lot of stress.

''Gracie, come here.'' She pulled her daughter even closer, and tried to calm her down, running her hand up and down her back and whispering encouraging words. They sat in silence for a little longer, until a loud knock indicated that they only had two more minutes before Anna had to leave.

''Listen, Gracie - I need to go in a minute, but…''

''No, don't go, please!'' Gracie clutched her tiny hands tightly around her mother, making the whole situation even harder for Anna.

''Honey, look at me.'' She slipped a finger under the girl's chin and made her look up. ''I need you to trust me right now, OK? I don't want to leave you here, but I have to...just temporarily.''

''But why?''

''Because that's what the judge decided, and I need to go by her rules for now. I know it's hard to understand, but that's the only way I'll be able to fix this so that you can come home and we can all be together again. I need you to be strong, all right? Can you do that for Mummy? Can you be strong for a few days?'' She gave her a smile.

''I'm scared.''

''I know you are, but remember when you were scared on your first day of school and I promised you that everything was going to be OK, and it was? Do you remember that?''

''Mhm,'' she nodded.

''It was OK then, and I promise you it's going to be OK this time, too. All right?''

''All right,'' Gracie replied shakily, and buried her face under her mother's chin.

''And always remember that I love you.'' Anna swallowed her own tears while she rocked her child in her embrace for two more minutes, until she once again had to let them take her away.

 **xXx**

It was pouring by the time John saw Anna coming out of the house. She didn't have an umbrella, so he picked one up from the backseat and got out to meet her. But staying dry was the last thing on Anna's mind. Seeing him hurrying toward her, she launched herself into his arms and locked her hands around his waist. He didn't need to ask how it went; her sobs told him everything. No longer caring about the rain, he let go of the umbrella and held her close. She wept, and it felt like the sky was weeping with her. When was this going to stop, John asked himself, while he slowly helped her to the car. Sitting with her in the backseat, John continued to hold her close, and both men just let her cry, neither saying a word for a few minutes.

''Let's go,'' John said finally, and Robert turned the engine on and drove them away from Gracie.

They were about 10 minutes from Anna's flat when she finally managed to calm herself down.

''How is she?'' John asked gently, moving a few wet strands of hair from her face.

''Scared,'' Anna said, ''...and unhappy. But I told her that you're back.''

''And?'' John smiled at the thought that Gracie knew he had returned.

''She was very happy to hear it, but I think she was even more excited when I told her about the puppy.''

''Oh, really? Well, I do hope I won't be replaced by a dog when we get her back...'' he joked half-heartedly.

'' _If_ , not _when_ ,'' Anna interrupted.

''Don't say that. We _will_ get her back.''

''I don't know…'' Anna moved away from him, and he could see that she was shaking, even though Robert had the heater on.

''I do.'' He smiled and looked at Robert in the rear view mirror. Looking at them, she could see that they were both smiling.

''What's going on?''

''Will you tell her or should I?'' Robert asked.

''You are her lawyer, so…''

''I am, but it was your idea...''

Anna raised her voice when she saw them bickering like two little boys. ''Oh, for god's sake, can one of you please tell me what is going on?''

''We have a plan.''

* * *

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 **waaaw chapter 30! THANK YOU FOR all the R&RF&F&PM! :D miss-ute loves you! :) **


	31. Zadrga

**Chapter XXXI**

''Plan? What kind of a plan?'' Anna asked, looking pointedly at both men.

''A plan that will hopefully bring Gracie back and get rid of Paul and Green forever,'' John said.

''I was gone for half an hour and you've managed to come up with a plan?'' She gave him a sceptical look.

''We did...well, John did,'' Robert replied, not taking his eyes from the road.

''OK, let's hear it.'' She crossed her arms on her chest and waited.

''We'll tell you our idea, but first you and I both need a hot shower and some dry clothes, all right?'' John smiled. He could see that she wasn't happy with his answer, but she knew he was right. They were both soaking wet and chilled from being out in the rain, and getting sick wouldn't do either of them any good.

When they finally reached Anna's flat, the rain had already stopped. ''I'll be back as quickly as I can,'' Robert said, and pulled away, leaving Anna and John standing on the pavement.

''Where…where is he going?'' Anna asked, confused.

''He has something to take care of. He'll be right back,'' John tried to reassure her, but he could see that she was concerned.

'''Something'? What 'something'?''

''Do you trust me?''

''Yes, but…'' she began.

''Try to be patient.'' He started to make his way to the front door. ''Come on - first a shower, and then I'll tell you what we're thinking of doing.''

John insisted on Anna having her shower first. He could not risk her catching a cold or worse. All the stress had taken its toll on her, and he could tell that she wasn't as strong as she ordinarily would have been.

He puttered about in the kitchen, starting to put some lunch together and waiting patiently for her to finish. When she was done, he went into the bathroom, took his wet clothes off, and stepped under the hot water.

Walking down the hall, Anna could hear John singing to himself, and leaned on the doorframe to listen. She had missed his singing, she thought to herself. It was still so unreal to her that after all those months apart, he was now only a closed door away from her…standing in her shower…water running down his naked torso...and…

''Anna?'' His voice made her jump. ''Anna?'' He called again, a little more loudly.

''Ye…yes?'' she spluttered. She could feel her cheeks burning at having been caught, even though he couldn't see her or know what she had been thinking about.

''Can you run downstairs and check on the food?'' He didn't want the pasta he had started to get overcooked.

''Umm...yeah, sure,'' she answered, and ran downstairs before could thank her.

She set the table and heated the pasta sauce, but John still didn't come down. After 10 minutes had passed, she decided to go and see what was keeping him. It wasn't that she was that hungry, she was just really wanting to know what kind of plan he and Robert had thought up.

''John?'' she called from the top of the stairs, but there was no answer. ''John?'' she tried again, walking down the hall toward her bedroom. The door was closed, so she paused and knocked.

''Yes?''

''Are you all right?''

''I am. It's just… umm...I think I have a problem,'' she heard from inside.

''What kind of a problem?'' She frowned.

''Come in and see for yourself.''

At that, she slowly pushed on the handle and opened the door. Whatever she was imagining she might see, this wasn't it. John was standing by the bed in just his undershirt and jeans, his hands on his groin.

''What are you doing?'' she asked, not having a clue what was going on.

''It's stuck.''

''What?'' She tried not to laugh at his embarrassed look.

''My zipper - my boxers got stuck in it while I was getting dressed.'' He finally looked and saw her trying to hold back a smile. ''Hey, it is not funny! I can't get the damn thing unstuck!'' He showed her, trying to pull the zipper up and then down, but to no avail.

''Stop, before you hurt yourself!'' she exclaimed, and stepped into the room. ''May I?'' she asked, nodding at his hands.

''Oh, what the hell.'' He moved his hands and rested them at his waist. ''It can't get any worse than this,'' he huffed, his cheeks crimson. He felt like a little boy who needed to ask a grownup for help with his jammed zipper.

''Come here,'' she said and sat herself on the bed. Grabbing him by the hips, she pulled him closer to her, so he was now standing in front of her with his groin at her eye level. ''Umm…are the boxers the only thing that…has gotten caught?'' she asked, before getting started.

''OK, I thought this couldn't get any more embarrassing, but it just has.'' For some reason he felt really upset about the whole situation.

''Oh, come on, John - it's not like I've never seen you naked.'' She giggled, seeing him getting so frustrated over a zipper.

''I know you have, but this is different.''

''Different how?''

''I don't know, it just is,'' he replied, avoiding her eyes.

''OK…so let me repeat the question. Are the boxers the only…''

''Yes, they are!'' he interrupted her impatiently.

''All right, stand still,'' she ordered him, and placed her fingers on the zipper.

He could feel her hands working at his jeans and tried to force himself not to think about it. But the fact that he had been living in the middle of nowhere for the past few months, missing her, and trying not to think about her touching him where she was right now, made the task difficult.

''Well, it's definitely stuck,'' he heard her say, as she slowly tried to get the zipper to move. He didn't respond…at least not vocally.

''For god's sake, John, stand still,'' she scolded him, when he instinctively pulled his hips away from her touch.

''Anna…Anna...!'' He gritted his teeth.

''What?'' she replied, not taking her eyes from her task. The damn zipper wouldn't move at all.

''Can you please be a little gentler?''

''What do you mean? I'm being as gentle as I can,'' she answered, still completely focused on the zipper and oblivious to the effect her touch was having.

''I know you are, but…''

''Oh!'' He heard her gasp, and when he looked down, she was grinning back up at him.

''Oh, my god,'' he groaned, covering his face with both of his hands. ''Just leave it.'' He tried to move away, but she wouldn't let him. ''Anna, just leave it, please!''

''John, stop being such a baby, and let me help you!'' She pulled him closer, while he kept trying to escape her hold.

''Anna, let it go! I'll do it myself.'' Covering her hands with his, he tried to push her away, but she still wouldn't let him. They struggled for a moment, before John lost his balance, causing him to topple against Anna, pushing her down onto the bed. The last thing he managed to do was to let go of her and catch himself by placing his hands on either side of Anna's face. Her giggles filled his ears, while he lay on top of her, her hands still caught between their bodies. Oh, how he had missed that sweet sound! Leaning on his hands, he looked down at her and just as he was about to say something, she suddenly squeaked, ''I did it!''

''You did what?''

''Your zipper!'' she announced with a grin. ''See?'' She pulled both of her hands away from his fly, and rested them on his sides. He was wearing just a thin undershirt, and she could feel his strong muscles under her touch. Several months of fresh air and miles of hiking and running had really paid off for him - he was trimmer and far more toned than he had been before.

Her eyes slowly made her way up his chest, until she came face-to-face with him. He was grinning at her, and now it was her turn to blush.

''Hi,'' he whispered.

''Hello,'' she smiled, and tightened her hold on his waist.

Moving a strand of her hair away from her face, he said softly, ''I've missed you.''

''I can tell,'' she remarked playfully, making him blush all over again.

''Sorry about that.'' He didn't want her to think that was all he thought about. It was just hard to control his reactions when she was so close.

''You don't need to apologize,'' she reassured him, and gently stroked his bearded cheek. ''I like this new look on you, by the way.''

''You do?'' He smiled in surprise. He hadn't planned to grow a beard; it had just happened. When Robert had sent him to Scotland, he'd forgotten to pack his shaving kit, and as they'd only gone to the shop in the nearby village once a week, John had gotten tired of running out of razors all the time, so he finally just let it grow.

''Yeah. It makes you look… I don't know...'' she whispered and traced one of her fingers down his cheek, onto his lips.

''Younger? Sexier?'' he joked, lowering his head.

''Mhm...'' she nodded, closing her eyes when she could feel him move a little closer to her face. She could feel his hot breath on her mouth, the tip of his nose brushing against hers. He was so close, and all she'd have to do to taste his lips would be to move her head very slightly to the right...

''Anna? John?'' A loud voice made them quickly pull away. ''John?!''

The door opened wide before they had a chance to separate.

''What the hell are you doing?'' Robert stared at them. ''I leave you two alone for five seconds, and here you are acting like rabbits.''

''No...Robert...it's not what it looks like,'' John protested, but when he finally got to his feet and took a step toward his friend, his unzipped jeans fell down around his ankles, leaving him standing in the middle of the room in nothing but his boxers and his undershirt.

''Yes, I can see that,'' Robert snickered, before bursting into laughter, Anna soon following. ''I don't want to know,'' he finally said, and walked out of the room shaking his head. ''Meet me in the kitchen in 5 minutes!" he shouted from the hallway. "We have work to do!''

 **xXx**

''So let's hear it. What is this plan of yours?'' Anna asked, sitting at the table facing both men.

''I'm going to go and have a little talk with dear Paul…'' John began, but she quickly cut him off.

''What?!''

''Listen, Anna,'' Robert said, before John had a chance to reply. ''We all know something fishy is going on, and I think that after yesterday's events we have to try to find out what, before they can figure out a way to take Gracie away from you permanently.'' They could both see the terrified look on her face when Robert mentioned the possibility.

''Anna…'' John sat up and made his way around the table to sit next to her. ''Paul doesn't know who I am, which gives me an advantage if I go see him. I need you to trust me with this. I'm just going to stop by his hotel and see what I can find out, all right?'' John squeezed her hand and smiled.

''But what are you going to say to him?" she asked. "I don't see what you can…''

''You said earlier that you trust me, right?''

''Yes,'' she replied with no hesitation.

''So let me try to fix this,'' he said, and stood up.

''Where are you going?" She turned to Robert. "Where is he going?''

''To get my jacket.''

''You're going now?!'' Anna stood up and walked toward him.

''Well, I think we all want our girl back as soon as possible, don't you think?'' He glanced at Robert, who was sitting silently behind the table.

''Yes, but…but what are you going to say to him?''

''Just stay with Robert. I'll ring you when I'm done.'' He kissed her cheek, then turned to his friend. ''Do you have it?'' Robert nodded and pulled a file out of his briefcase. Without saying a word, John took the file, smiled at Anna once more, and left the flat.

After he was gone, Anna turned to Robert and asked, ''What was that? What exactly is he going to do?''

''You don't want to know,'' Robert said, and silently prayed that John would be able to control his temper.

* * *

 **beta: ANNAMBATES! :) THANK YOU! and good night! :)**

 **hello reader! :) how are you? :D good? not good? :O THANK YOU for reading and reviewing! and say a big thank you to annambates, who was up most of the night for this chapter! :D thanks again AMB**


	32. Paul :S

**Chapter XXXII**

''So the little brat is already with the foster family?'' Paul gloated to Green over the phone. ''We're making progress. And the slut?''

''She's at home. Her lawyer is with her, and you won't believe who showed up yesterday.''

''Who?'' Paul feigned interest, but didn't really care. He was lounging in bed at his five star hotel, eating a late lunch, sipping champagne, and very much enjoying hearing that their plan to crush Anna was on track. It had been almost 8 months since the day he'd been sitting in his tiny flat in one of the poorest neighbourhoods in New York City, flat broke and high on drugs, and he had gotten the call that had turned his whole life around.

After Anna had told him she was pregnant all those years ago, he had packed his bags and boarded a plane to New York City two days later. He had vowed that he wasn't going to let that bitch ruin him or his future career. He was the son of one of the highest-ranking High Court judges in the nation, for god's sake. His family name was everything to him, and he had not been about to let Anna or her little brat ruin his future or his family's reputation. He had never loved her, at least not the way she had loved him, and regardless of what he had promised her, he'd had no intention of ever marrying her. She was a nobody, just a run-of-the-mill good-looking girl. Her family had absolutely nothing - no name, no money, nothing worth anything to him.

So at that time, running away had been the best thing he could do for himself. He had never told his parents about Anna's pregnancy. He'd just said that she had left him for another man, and they had both been thrilled to hear that. They had never liked her; she just wasn't enough good for their son or their family. So when Paul had asked his father to make arrangements so he could continue his studies in America, the old man had picked up the phone and set up everything immediately.

Paul had had the time of his life there - partying, drinking, sleeping around…but after a while even that hadn't been enough. It had started with just a few puffs of marijuana at parties and ended up with him sticking a needle full of heroin into his arm. He had tried his best to hide his addiction, but his grades had told his professors and his parents everything that he hadn't been saying. He had been kicked out of the university after just a year and a half.

His father had tried to help him. When he'd finally learned of his son's dependence on drugs, he had even paid for him to go to rehab, but nothing had worked. So after two years of throwing money at Paul's problems, even his own parents had given up on him. They were one of the most respected families in the north, and they couldn't stand acknowledging a son who was an addict and a failure. So they had turned their backs on him and considered him dead to them after that.

They had stopped sending money, and after he'd depleted his bank account, he had been on his own. He had spent 4 years on and off the streets with his junkie friends, not giving a shit about his life. But the one constant belief he'd clung to was that Anna and "that little brat of hers" were to blame for the downward turn his life had taken.

Meanwhile, after weeks of digging up information about Anna's private life, Green had started searching for Paul and eventually tracked him down. He knew what had happened to him and what state he was in, so after a brief phone call and a few arrangements, Green had him on his private plane back to England. He had gotten Paul some help to sober him up to the point that he could explain his plan to ruin Anna's life, and Paul had been 100% ready to help him. The money and protection Green had offered for his help had been a huge incentive; he had accumulated staggering debts, and had been trying to elude debt collectors for years.

Paul did not know how Green had managed to get all the information he had, to clean up Paul's official records, and to wield the influence he had with the court. But he was sure glad he had. If the truth somehow got out, it would all be over in a second...and they would almost certainly be put in prison for quite some time. But everything had gone exactly according to plan.

Paul had found the court proceedings very gratifying. He loved seeing Anna in pain; he felt vindicated to see the person he blamed for his misfortunes suffer. The whore was finally getting what she had always deserved, and from what Green had just told him, this whole thing would be wrapped up in less than a week.

"So who showed up yesterday?" Paul repeated.

''John, her ex.''

''Oh, really? What does he want?''

''I don't know, but be careful. I don't need him sniffing around you. Do _not_ lea-…''

''Yes, I know...do _not_ leave your room, do _not_ speak to anyone without you present… I've got it, Alex - I'm not stupid!'' he scoffed. ''But when are you stopping by? I need my dose!'' In addition to pulling strings, calling in favours, and bribing all sorts of people for information and cooperation the last few months, Green had made sure that Paul got exactly the right dose of heroin every day. He needed to control the doses and timing himself, considering he needed Paul on his best behaviour when they were in court.

''I'll stop by in about 40 minutes.''

''OK, but hurry!'' Paul said, and ended the call. No matter what, he knew Green needed him just as much as he needed Green. Without him, the custody suit could not work, and without Green's help he would have still been in New York, hiding from the people he owed money to. He wandered into the bathroom and stepped into the shower, feeling a new set of cramps start to overtake his limbs. He needed that dose and he needed it soon. About 15 minutes later, showered and dressed, he heard a knock on the door.

''Finally!'' He breathed a sigh of relief and went to greet Green. ''Since when do you knock?'' he mocked, pulling the door open, but it wasn't Green standing on the other side.

''Who are y-...?'' But before he finished his question, a strong hand pushed him inside of the room and locked the door behind them.

* * *

 **annambates! - this beta is on fire people! reader!: say a big thank you!**

 **cliffhanger! ;) HO-HO-HO :O :P :D ...thanks for R &R! **** miss-ute loves you! :D **


	33. Kje je kužek? )

**Chapter XXXIII**

''Who are you?'' Paul stared at John through narrowed eyes, shifting nervously.

John fixed him with a steely gaze, not saying a word. Taking a step closer, he forced Paul to move further into the room.

''Who are you?'' Paul asked again, eyeing the knives left on the table from lunch. The only visitor he'd had since coming to London had been Green, and this guy sure did not look like anyone associated with the slick lawyer. The man looked dangerously calm, and his continued silence sent a chill through him.

''If I were you, I wouldn't try anything stupid,'' John finally said coldly, nodding toward the table when he saw Paul glance at the knives again.

''Umm...I think you have the wrong room, sir.'' Even though he had toyed with the idea of reaching for one of the knives, Paul knew he was too weak to actually do anything with it. He really needed his daily dose, and the man standing before him was physically imposing - tall, broad, strong.

John snickered while silently surveying the room, putting Paul even more on edge. After a long pause, he sat down in an armchair, crossing one leg over the other.

''Are you Paul Wilson?'' he asked.

''Uhhh...ye-…yes,'' he stuttered. How in the world did this stranger know his name?

''So you see - I _do_ have the right room,'' John stated calmly. He looked around the room again. It was a complete disaster - clothes all over the place, old papers on the floor, an unmade bed. How in the world could this pitiful man have convinced the judge that he could be a better parent to Gracie than Anna?

''But…''

'' _Sit_ _down_.'' John raised his voice slightly, but his tone remained icy.

Paul did what the man said and sat down in the chair opposite him, trying to figure out what was going on. If Green had been planning to send anyone to see him, he would have said something when they talked on the phone just now, and none of his own friends or family knew he was back in the country. So who was he?!

''Who do you think I am?'' John's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

''I...I don't know.''

''Oh?'' John sounded surprised. '' _Think harder_.'' He glanced at Paul's exposed arms. Paul was wearing a t-shirt, and John could easily spot the needle marks on his arms. Robert had guessed right - the bastard really was doing drugs.

Paul felt overcome by a wave of panic. Oh my god! He had sent his people after him? Paul saw John looking at his arms, and felt sure he knew what John was after. After he had drained his bank account back in New York, he had borrowed money to buy drugs. And to make a long story short, he had borrowed it from the worst sort of people.

"He sent you?" Paul spluttered. "How did you find me!?''

He? Who was he? John had no idea who Paul was referring to, but the panic on the man's face made him stay in character. '' _He did_ ,'' John replied through clenched teeth.

''Oh my god! Please don't hurt me, please!'' Paul begged, and stood up. ''I promise I'll have the money in one week! Please...tell him I just need a week!'' He was petrified. Green had promised him that he would be safe here, that he had taken care of everything, and that Paul no longer needed to worry about being hounded about his debts.

John still wasn't sure what Paul was talking about, but whoever was looking for him, the thought of being found was obviously scaring Paul to death, and that fear was working in John's favour.

''Listen...'' he said, and stood up to look Paul in the eye, using his height and bulk to his advantage as he looked down on the man.

''No, no - please!'' Paul pleaded desperately and started to back up closer to the wall. ''Look, I know I owe him money, and I know I said I'd pay him back, but I didn't have it then, so that's the only reason I ran...I swear, OK?'' he stuttered. ''And I'm getting the money in a week. My lawyer is paying me a lot of money to lie for some custody case we're working on, and I promise…look...look at this, if you don't believe me.'' He edged toward the bed, keeping his eye on John, and pulled some documents out of the drawer in the nightstand. ''See, I've already got half of it in the bank, and I'm getting the rest next week…please!'' he begged, and handed John the papers.

Quickly scanning the documents, John could see that Paul had in fact given him what was quite possibly the only existing physical evidence of Green's generous payments to Paul. Everything was there - the number of Paul's bank account somewhere on the other side of the world, the precise amounts of each deposit, dates the money was transferred, the number of the bank account transferring the funds, the names of both account holders.

''See? I'm not lying!'' Paul said, feeling slightly calmer. But the moment that John realized what was he looking at, he stepped up to Paul, grabbed him by the collar, and pushed him flat against the wall.

''Please don't!'' Paul begged, trying to catch his breath, while grasping at John's hand that still had a firm grip on his collar. ''Please…''

''Listen to me, you little prick!'' John leaned so close that Paul could feel his breath on his face. He was so angry - this sorry excuse for a man had hurt the two most important people in his life, and at this moment all he wanted was to cause him pain. But he also knew he had somehow just gotten an amazing opportunity to turn Paul's fear in something positive. ''I don't care what those papers say and how much money you claim you'll have in a week,'' he hissed in a low voice, and tightened the hold on his collar. ''But if you value your life, you will do what I say. _Do you understand me?_ '' John was bluffing so well at this point that he was even scaring himself a little bit.

''Yes...yes!'' Paul nodded as best as he could. John let go of him and stepped back to the table, pulling the papers that Robert had given him out of the inner pocket of his jacket. Turning around, he could see that Paul had slid down the wall to the floor, where he was still sitting, gasping for breath. How could this pathetic man be Gracie's father?

''Come here!'' John barked. And as he waited for Paul to stand up, he saw it - the snivelling little rat had wet himself in fear. ''Oh, my god,'' he whispered under his breath, while Paul made his way toward him.

''Here!'' He handed him a pen and unfolded the documents so that only the bottom part of each could be seen.

''What?'' Paul asked, confused.

''Sign here,'' John said, and pointed to the signature line at the bottom of several of the papers.

''What is this?''

''Do you want to live or would you prefer they find you floating in the Thames tomorrow?'' he hissed, staring directly into his eyes, hoping to intimidate him into signing the papers without reading them. And the poor fool did. Paul took the pen from him and with a shaking hand signed the documents in the places John had pointed out.

''Thank you,'' John said coolly, after all the papers were signed. He folded them together with Paul's financial documents and put them all back into the inner pocket of his jacket.

''So are we…I mean…is my debt written off?'' Paul asked tentatively, staring at him and praying that this was finally the end of his old troubles.

John buttoned up his jacket, not saying a word. Looking up, he started to laugh, making Paul even more confused.

''Mr. Wilson, I have no idea what you are talking about.''

''What? But I thought…'''

''I neither know nor care what you thought. The only thing I'd like to say is that you should always read something before you sign it. I bet your lawyer will be extremely disappointed in you,'' John chuckled.

''What?'' Paul finally put two and two together. ''Who are you? What did I sign just now!?''

John was starting to enjoy this little scene. ''Miss Smith's lawyer will be in touch,'' he said calmly, and smiled at Paul's shocked expression as he finally realized that this had nothing to do with either New York or the money he owed for drugs.

''You bastard!'' Paul hissed through his teeth. ''That bitch sent you, didn't she?!''

Hearing him talking about Anna that way made John's blood boil, but he knew that he needed to control his temper.

''Have a nice day, Mr. Wilson,'' he said, and turned toward the door.

''What did I sign?'' Paul raised his voice, but John wasn't listening. He was almost to the door when Paul grabbed him by the shoulder. Turning him around, he took a swing at John, but John was quicker. He smashed his large fist into Paul's face, and the man was on the floor before he could react.

John knelt down next to him and whispered coldly, ''That was for Gracie.'' Leaning closer, he added, ''And believe me when I say that if you _ever_ come near them again, I'll track you down and I _will_ kill you. Do you understand me?'' He pulled Paul up by the collar. ''And if you tell _anyone_ I was here and made you sign those papers, I promise you that _everybody_ will find out what you and Green have been doing this whole time, and you'll _both_ spend a lot of time locked up in prison.''

''You fucking bastard!'' Paul spluttered, a crazed look in his eye. ''You are _so_ dead, you and your little bitc-…'' but before he had the chance to finish, John had kicked him in the gut, making Paul twist in pain. He kicked him twice more before he realized what he was doing. He was furious with the man, but he needed to stop before it was too late. He stood up to put some distance between them.

''Have a nice day!'' John said once again and walked out of the room, leaving Paul lying on the floor, clutching his stomach.

 **xXx**

''Pick up, John! Pick up the damned phone!'' Anna paced around the kitchen, her knuckles white from grasping the phone so tightly. ''Shit!'' she cursed when it once again went straight to voicemail. It had been almost two hours since John had left.

''Anna, please calm down,'' Robert said, as she handed him his mobile. ''I'm sure he's OK.'' He spoke in a soothing voice to calm her, but he had to admit to himself that he was starting to worry, too.

''Where is he? What if something happened to him? What if Paul hurt him?'' Her questions spilled out one after the other.

''...Paul hurt John? Anna, think about it - John is larger, taller, and stronger than he is. Paul wouldn't have a chance,'' Robert replied confidently, but Anna didn't find that reassuring. She was starting to panic, and she knew she wouldn't feel better until she saw John with her own eyes or - at the very least - spoke with him on the phone.

''Just sit down and have another cup of tea. John will be in touch.'' Robert smiled, trying to mask his own nerves.

''No, I can't sit here any longer. I'm going to the hotel,'' she declared, and made her way to the hall.

''Anna, wait!'' He hurried after her and grabbed her by the arm. ''You can't go see Paul! You can't risk making things even worse than they already are.''

''Worse? Robert, are you kidding? My child is with people she doesn't know, John left two hours ago to talk to Paul and won't pick up his phone, and I don't know how I can fix any of this. And you're telling me that things could get worse? Worse how?'' she shouted, while putting her trainers on.

''Anna, just wait a little longer, please. I'm sure we'll hear from John any minute...''

''I'm not waiting another minute, Robert. I'm going to the hotel and you can either come with me or just wait here.''

She really was stubborn sometimes, he thought to himself. But he knew he didn't want her going to Paul alone. Based on what he'd seen in court, he didn't trust the man at all. ''OK, let's go together.''

Just as they were about to leave the flat, the front door opened suddenly, and John was standing in front of them with a huge smile on his face.

''Thank god!'' Anna whispered, tears pricking the backs of her eyes at the realization that he was alive and all right. ''Why didn't you pick up your phone?!'' she scolded, throwing her arms around him. ''I was so worried!''

''It ran out of battery,'' he explained, and held her close.

''So, how did it go? Did our plan work?'' Robert interjected, bursting their little private bubble.

''I didn't get a chance to use it,'' John replied.

''What do you mean? You didn't bluff like we planned?'' Robert stared at him, confused.

''I did.'' John smiled. ''But then everything went even better than we'd hoped!''

''What? You bluffed?'' Anna finally let go of John and stared first at him and then at Robert.

''I don't get it, and I'm not really sure I want to know.'' Robert shook his head, still not having a clue what John was talking about. ''But can you at least tell me…did you get what we wanted?''

''What do you think?!'' John grinned, still ignoring Anna's curious gaze.

''Oh my god, I can't believe it!'' Robert exclaimed.

''Get what?!" Anna asked. "Can someone please tell me what's going on?!''

''Come, I'll tell you everything,'' John smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and leading them into the sitting room.

 **xXx**

''Those lying bastards! I knew something wasn't right!'' Anna fumed, when John told both her and Robert an abbreviated version of what had happened in Paul's hotel room.

''I do hope you only _spoke_ with him...'' Robert said.

''Well...I might have swung at him a couple of times...'' John admitted sheepishly.

''John, I can't believe it! We said _no violence_!''

''Yes, but you forgot to tell Paul that. I was just defending myself. But don't worry - he'll be fine. The important thing is that I have something for each of you.'' John smiled at them.

''For each of us? What are you talking about?'' Robert asked.

''Here.'' John pulled two sets of papers out of his pocket and laid them side-by-side in front of them on the coffee table. ''This one is for you, Anna.'' He smiled, pushing the set on the right toward her.

''What is this?'' she asked, and turned her gaze to Robert who had the same smile on his face. He was well aware of the contents of the documents in front of her, having drawn them up himself earlier that day.

''Let's call it a late birthday present from me…'' It was now the last week of August, and he knew he had missed her 29th birthday, which had been a week ago...before he'd returned from Scotland. ''…and from Robert, too, of course,'' he added, when he heard his friend cough.

''A birthday present? I don't get it,'' Anna said, confused.

''Just take a look at them, please.''

She slowly unfolded the papers and started to read.

''Wha-…!'' she gasped, covering her mouth with her free hand. Paul's signature was at the end of every document, verifying that he relinquished all rights to custody of Gracie to Anna. ''Is this real?'' She looked up, tears welling in her eyes.

''It is.'' John smiled at her. ''It's over. Gracie is coming home, for good. They will have no reason and no right to keep her any longer.''

She opened her mouth to say something, but no words would come. It felt too good to be true, but it _was_ true! Paul had signed the papers, which meant that Gracie was legally hers again!

''I…I...'' she began, but there wasn't a single word which could describe how relieved and overjoyed she felt. Not caring that Robert was with them or that they had decided to wait, she threw herself into John's embrace and, before he could say anything, she closed the gap between them with such force that he had to catch himself by grabbing onto the couch. It didn't take long for him to register what was happening and kiss her back. Cupping her face with one of his hands, he brought her closer with no intention of letting go. It felt so good...better that good. It felt _amazing_ to have her back in his arms, to kiss her this way again. After so many months, he was finally home for good. Their kiss only lasted for about thirty seconds, but after they pulled apart, they realized that Robert's armchair was empty and the other set of papers was nowhere to be seen.

''Robert?'' John called.

''Don't mind me! Just let me know when you two are done...'' Robert replied from the kitchen.

John laughed, and then looked at Anna, who was still staring at him, her lips swollen, not saying a word. ''Anna, are you OK?'' he asked her quickly.

She nodded, but as she was about to say something, tears of relief spilled over and rolled down her cheeks.

''Hey, hey - come here, love.'' He smiled and hugged her, pressing her as close to him as he was able.

They sat quietly in each other's arms until suddenly they heard a shout from the kitchen, and Robert appeared in the doorway.

''John! Where you did you get these?!'' he pointed to the papers he was holding in his hand.

''Are they any good? Can we use them?'' John asked.

''Can we use them?! Are you kidding me!? This is _gold_ , John!'' He handed the documents to Anna.

''What is this?'' Anna asked, scanning them. "Oh my god! This proves that Green was paying Paul!"

''How did you get all of that? Never mind - I don't want to know.'' Robert grinned, and quickly started to pull his jacket on. ''I have to go make some calls. And if we want to try to get your girl back this evening, I should run over to the court right this moment!'' He pulled his keys out of his pocket and smiled. ''I'll ring you as soon as I can, OK?''

''Thank you, Robert.'' Anna's voice made him turn to look at her. ''Thank you for everything.'' She left John's warm embrace to give her boss a hug.

It had been a big shock to her to realize that Gracie would be coming home and that they finally had evidence to prove that Green and Paul had been playing an extremely nasty game. But she didn't want Robert to leave without acknowledging the gratitude she felt for all he had done on her behalf.

''It was my pleasure,'' Robert replied, hugging her back. ''...although I still don't know how it finally got resolved, and maybe it's better if I don't. And it was John who did it, not me.''

''Oh, don't be so modest, Rob. You've done so much over the past months,'' John said, his voice cracking slightly. He stood up and reached across Anna to hug his friend, so she was now sandwiched between them.

Robert smiled, feeling a little uncomfortable having both of them hugging him at the same time. ''You know you will have to let go of me, if you want me to go and do my job, right?'' he joked.

''Yes, we do,'' Anna smiled and pulled back, quickly finding John to hold onto. ''But I really need you to know how thankful I am. I would have had a very hard time without your help.''

''I know, and I appreciate it. But it was no more than you deserve.'' He gave her a smile and said goodbye before leaving the flat.

 **xXx**

''She's coming home!'' Anna exclaimed happily to her mum over the phone. Robert had rung them only three and a half hours after he had left, saying that the judge had declared the case closed after Robert had shown her all the documents and after Green had left a brief message for her saying that his client had changed his mind and was no longer pursuing custody.

The judge thought that Green's message seemed a little odd, considering how much money he had paid her to work in his favour, but she wasn't going to protest. After seeing the documents showing Green's deposits into Paul's account, she was afraid that similar documents could surface that would show that Green was paying her, too.

''She is? But how!?'' Alice asked excitedly, almost choking on her own happy tears.

''I'll explain everything tomorrow, Mum," Anna reassured her. "And please tell Dad, too!'' Anna wiped the corners of her eyes.

''I will!'' Alice replied, and ended the call, running to tell George and Cora that everything was OK and that Gracie would be going home to Anna.

 **xXx**

''Did you tell them?'' John asked, when Anna returned to the kitchen.

''Yes!'' she smiled at him. ''I can't believe that this whole thing is over. We've been trying to beat Green and Paul for months, and here you come and it's over in one day.''

''Well, you know me and my magic...'' he joked, a silly grin on his face. He was so glad to see her excited and happy, and he was ecstatic that their little girl was coming home. He had missed Gracie so much over the last few months, and after all this time he could not wait to give her a big hug.

''I see you kept my mug,'' he said, pulling his "World's Best Nanny" mug out of the cupboard.

''Yes, I did,'' she said shyly, feeling the guilt over what she had done to him begin to creep back again. ''John, I know I've said it a million times already, but you have to know how sorry I am for everythi-…''

''Anna, we went over this last night. I understand why you did what you did, and I'm not angry or upset with you.''

''But…'' she began. He could tell that she was still feeling shame and regret, and he placed a finger over her lips.

''Shhhh, don't.'' He smiled and wrapped his free hand around her waist to pull her closer. ''It's all in the past. I'm here now, and I promise I'm not going anywhere, OK? Even if you get scared again. I'm not leaving you as Paul did, pregnant or not pregnant. I love you, Anna, and I'm not letting anything or anyone break us apart again.''

Anna felt an overwhelming wave of love for him. How could she be so lucky...and how could he be so perfect for her, she wondered.

''I love you, too,'' she whispered.

''Listen, how about we go for a short holiday after all this is officially over? We can take Gracie out of school for a week and go somewhere nice and sunny. We can spend some time together, have fun, and start over.''

She was literally speechless. He was grinning at her, holding her close and making her feel safer than she ever had. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, no matter what he said; she had hurt him terribly. But she was prepared do her best to make up for what she had done. He loved her and he was here, giving them another chance, a chance she never in a million years thought she'd get.

''Yes.''

''Yes, what?''

''Yes, let's get away for a week,'' she beamed.

''OK! But before we start planning anything, don't you think we should first say hello to Gracie?'' He nodded toward the window overlooking the street. Anna turned her head to look out, and her heart did a flip. Robert's car was parked in front, and he was opening the back door. And then she saw her - Gracie - jumping out of the back seat, and before Robert had even closed the door, Anna had already let go of John and run outside.

''Mummy!'' the little girl squealed, and ran up the steps to her mother's open arms.

''Oh my god!'' Anna shrieked, and knelt down so she could hug her. ''Oh, love!'' She held her close, tears of joy falling down her cheeks. ''I love you so much, Gracie darling, and I'm not letting anyone take you away from me ever again!'' She squeezed the little girl tightly and rocked her back and forth.

''John!'' Gracie squealed again, when she saw him appear at the front door. Anna smiled at her reaction, and let go of her so she could run to him.

''Hello, Munchkin!'' John laughed, lifting her up high and enveloping her in his embrace. She had grown so much since the last time he'd seen her. His little girl was growing up so quickly, and he was very thankful he had managed to get Paul to sign those papers. He didn't want to miss another day of her childhood. Gracie locked her arms around his neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck. Anna stood up and put her arms around both of them, and for a few minutes they all just basked in the feeling of having their little family together again.

Gracie finally looked up at them, her eyes sparkling, and then peered around John toward the open front door. Hardly able to contain her excitement, she asked with a grin, ''Where is the puppy?''

* * *

 **beta: the one and only ANNAMBATES! hvala :)**

 **our girl is finally back! :D and hvala for reading and reviewing! :D :)**


	34. Mrtev

**Chapter XXXIV**

''Are you all right?'' John asked, walking up behind Anna. She was leaning against Gracie's bedroom doorframe, just staring at her daughter tucked safely in bed, sleeping peacefully.

''Yes,'' she whispered, not taking her gaze away from her little girl. ''It's just...I can't believe she's back. I really thought I might have lost her for good.''

John placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed lightly. '' _Believe_. She's back and we won't let anyone take her away ever again. I promise.''

''How can you be so sure?'' She turned to look at him. ''If they come to take her, how could we stop them? What if Green finds something else to use against us? What if Paul…''

''Anna, stop,'' he whispered, when he saw Gracie shift in her sleep. ''Come.'' He took her hand and pulled her into the hallway, closing the door behind them.

''Paul signed documents granting you full custody, and believe me - he is not coming after you. He knows what would happen if he did. And even if he did, Robert now knows exactly where to start looking for more evidence that he and Green have been lying all along, and he would search every bank account in the world to find the money Green has been paying to him and probably to others, too.'' He smiled. ''It's over. Our girl is back, and they will have to kill me first to get to her, OK?'' But she didn't answer, just smiled.

''What?'' he asked, when he saw her grinning. ''What, Anna?'' he asked again, chuckling.

''You said _our_ girl.''

''Did I?'' He feigned surprise, well aware of what he had said. He'd always thought of Gracie as his, even during the months when he and Anna hadn't been together. If Gracie had rung him, asking him for anything at all, he would have been by her side in a second, trying his best to help her, no questions asked.

''Yes, you did.'' She nodded, smiling, then grew pensive. ''John? Were you serious about…''

''About what?'' he prompted gently, when he saw that she was hesitating.

''…about us going away for a week?''

''Come with me,'' he answered, taking her hand in his, and led her downstairs to the sitting room. Sitting down in an armchair, he pulled her onto his lap.

''Anna, listen - I'm not naive. I know that fixing things between us is going to take some time. You hurt me...and…''

''I'm so sorry, John…'' Her voice cracked. She felt a rush of emotion, hearing him finally admit that he was still hurt.

''Please, let me finish.'' He smiled and covered her hand with his. ''You hurt me, but...'' He blinked away tears. ''…I love you, and when you love somebody, you have to take chances and believe that everything will work out. So I think we need to get away...we need to spend some time together and start building trust again. I love you and I know you love me, but we have to start over, you and me, from zero. Does that make sense?''

''It does. Mrs. Logan and I have talked about...''

''Mrs. Logan? Who is she?'' he asked.

''My therapist. You see, after you were gone, Jane said I should try to talk with someone about everything, about the way I freaked out and why. So I started therapy.''

''And? Does it work? I mean...do you think it's helping?'' he asked, feeling so relieved that she had been trying to overcome her fears and doubts while he was away.

''I do. She has given me different ways to think about and work through my problems, and I think I'm making progress and learning more about myself, my strengths, and my fears. I mean...I hope you understand that I wasn't myself that evening when I asked you to leave. I was so afraid - all I wanted was to run, to push you away before you could get the chance to hurt me first, to protect myself from you, even though there was nothing to protect myself from.'' She covered her face with her hands.

''I was so stupid, John - I pushed you away for no reason, and...and…I'm so sorry.'' She burst into tears, feeling awful about everything she had done and said that terrible evening.

He just held her close and let her cry; he knew she needed to, to get all those bad feelings and regrets out of her system.

''I know you're sorry. That's one of the reasons I'm back.'' He smiled and brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. ''Let try to forgive and forget what has happened in the past, and work together on our future, all right?''

''All right,'' she agreed. ''I love you, John. I love you so much.''

''And I love you, Anna darling.'' He chuckled at her wet face.

''I…'' he began, when a knock at the front door made them jump.

''Who could that be at this time of night?'' Anna wondered, and stood up to answer the door.

''Anna, wait a minute. Let me.'' John quickly followed, and opened the door cautiously to find two police officers standing in front of them.

''Can I help you?'' he asked.

''Are you John Bates?'' one of them asked.

''Yes, is there a problem?'' he frowned, feeling Anna's hand squeezing his in fear. Hadn't they already had enough drama in their lives for one day?

''Would you mind coming with us to the station, please?''

''What's going on?'' Anna interrupted, stepping protectively in front of John.

''Are you Anna Smith?'' the other officer asked.

''Yes, I am,'' she replied, getting more nervous with each passing second, but firmly resolved not to show it. No one was going to take Gracie away, not any more - she wouldn't allow it!

''Would you mind coming by the station in the morning, please? We have some questions to ask you, too.''

''Questions? What kind of questions?'' she raised her voice.

''OK, let's just try to calm down a little,'' the police officer said, seeing Anna's alarm.

''Anna, don't...'' John stopped her from saying more, and turned to face the officers standing in front of them. So had he been wrong and had Green somehow managed to make a mess of everything again? ''Can you please tell us what is this all about?''

Both of the men looked at each other, before one of them said, ''It's about Mr. Paul Wilson…''

''Oh, my god!'' Anna gasped. Here we go again, she thought to herself - they were here to first take John and then Gracie away, and she didn't think she had the strength to go through this all over again.

''...Mr. Wilson is dead,'' the man said.

John and Anna just stared at him, their mouths hanging open in shock.

* * *

 **I LOVE my beta! _ANNAMBATES_! YOU ARE PERFECT!**

 **yes, yes I know...another cliffhanger... ;) :O :( thanks for R &RF&PM!******


	35. Spusti

**Chapter XXXV**

''So...you are saying that Mr. Wilson was still alive when you left his hotel room?'' Inspector Barnaby asked John, fixing him with a steely gaze. It was almost 6 in the morning, and John was still at the police station answering questions concerning his brief visit to Paul, with Robert as his lawyer by his side. Room service had found Paul's body lying in the middle of the room with a knife in his chest, just an hour after John had left the hotel. ''I've already told you a hundred times, yes - he was alive when I left.'' John sighed in frustration.

''What were you doing there in the first place?'' the inspector asked again.

''Oh, Tom - come on!'' Robert exclaimed, looking at his old friend. ''We've been over this already. He already told you what was he doing there.''

''Yes, I know he did. I just want to hear it again.''

''For god's sake.'' John leaned on the table and stared at the inspector. ''I was there to talk to him about his daughter, all right? I just wanted to know why he was suddenly fighting to get custody after all this time. We talked, and then he signed the custody papers.''

''Just like that? Why would he do that, after almost 4 months of fighting for her?''

''I've already told you why!'' John raised his voice. It had been a very long night, and he was so tired of this.

''John - calm down, please.'' Robert placed his hand on his friend's shoulder.

''I'm sorry,'' he apologized. ''Look, Robert and I suspected that Green was paying him to lie in court, and it turns out we were right. So Paul signed the papers relinquishing custody and promised he would testify against Green if we gave him protection.'' John felt uncomfortable lying to the inspector, but his priority was to protect Gracie and Anna. ''Green had an old grudge against Anna and…my god, I've already told you all this.''

''Were you viol-…'' Barnaby asked for the umpteenth time. John had told him the same story over and over again, but something about it seemed a little off, and he wanted to hear it again.

''I told you - I was just protecting myself. I admit that punched him in the face and ribs after he attacked me, but he was definitely alive when I left him. I had nothing to do with his death.''

DCI Tom Barnaby was one of the best detectives on the force, and even though his gut told him that John wasn't telling the _whole_ truth, he already knew enough to know that John wasn't the one who had killed Paul Wilson. The security cameras in the hall had recorded two men going in and out of the room that afternoon. The first had been John, and the second Alex Green, who had mysteriously disappeared some time after that. The last time anyone had heard from Green was when he had left a message at the court saying that Paul Wilson had changed his mind about pursuing custody. After that no one had seen or heard from him, and nobody knew where he had gone, but his private plane had left London at around 7 p.m., and Barnaby considered him the prime suspect.

''I know you didn't,'' Barnaby said with a smile, and after a few moments of silence leaned back in his seat.

John and Robert looked at each other in surprise.

''Why are we here then? Why are you asking me all this, if you already know that I'm not the person you're looking for?''

''Mr. Bates,'' he chuckled, ''I just needed to hear your side of the story. But from the evidence we have gathered, you could not be the man we're looking for. The angle of the knife in Mr. Wilson's body tells us that whoever killed him was much smaller and not as strong as you. Plus Mr. Green's bloody fingerprints are all over the murder weapon and all over the room.''

''He panicked…'' Robert said under his breath, and looked at the inspector.

''We believe so,'' Barnaby replied.

''My god, do you think he saw me leaving Paul's room?'' John suddenly wondered whether he might be the reason Paul was dead.

''It's possible, although we don't know for certain. Look, I apologize for all the trouble, but I needed to know everything that had happened in the room when you were there with him yesterday.''

''Of course. I understand.'' John covered his face with his hands. He was exhausted. The past 48 hours had been long and emotionally draining, and all he wanted to do was to go to bed.

''So, are we done then? Are we free to go?'' Robert asked.

''Yes, you can leave. But please tell Miss Smith to stop by the station first thing this morning. We need to talk to her, too,'' Barnaby said.

''Sure, I'll drop John by her place and bring her back here,'' Robert said, closing his briefcase and standing up. Shaking the inspector's hand, Robert and John finally left the station.

''My god, I'm so tired,'' John said, closing his eyes as he leaned back in the passenger seat of Robert's car.

''Tell me about it.'' Robert looked at him. ''I can't believe that Green killed him.''

''I can. The man is sick, Robert.'' John sighed. ''Do you think we're in any danger?''

''I don't think so. If he did kill Paul and left the area or even the country in a panic, he won't be back any time soon," Robert replied, as he started the car. "He has to be in hiding...and believe me, he will make sure no one can find him. As we know, he has money and he knows people in high places, and he's not afraid to use both to his advantage.''

''I hope you're right.'' John stared out of the window. After they had been driving for a while, he finally broke the silence. ''Robert, can I ask a favour?''

 **xXx**

 _Nothing_. Anna had been up most of the night waiting to get a call from either John or Robert. She was on edge...she needed to know what was going on. Paul was dead, the police had taken John in for questioning hours ago, and she still had not received any calls or messages from him.

It was almost 7 in the morning when she walked into the kitchen to make herself some coffee. Even though it had been close to midnight when the police had knocked on her door and taken John away, she had spent most of the night on the couch, staring at the wall and worrying, or sitting in Gracie's room, making sure that she really was there, even dozing off at the foot of her daughter's bed for a while.

Anna knew that she would be up at any minute. It was funny, really - Gracie was the spitting image of her, but when it came to waking up early, she was just like Paul. My god, she still could not believe he was dead. She had hated him with all her heart, but she had never wished him dead, not even after everything that had happened between them. Pulling milk and eggs out of the fridge to start making some pancakes, she was startled to suddenly hear Gracie's voice from the doorway.

''Where is John?'' she asked, and Anna could hear the fear in her voice. She and John had both promised her that they would have breakfast together this morning, but when Gracie had woken up a few minutes ago, John was nowhere to found.

''Good morning!'' Anna greeted her happily, setting the egg box on the counter. ''Did you sleep well, darling?'' she asked, trying to distract her from asking more questions about John.

''Yes, I did. Where is John?'' she asked again, stepping closer to her mum and staring at her as she waited for the answer.

Anna took a step toward her and knelt down. Taking a deep breath, she said ''He…he is…'' Suddenly they heard the front door open.

''Anna, we're back!'' John called.

''Jooohn!'' Gracie ran out of the kitchen to the hall, where John and Robert were standing with bakery bags in their hands.

''Good morning, you!'' John smiled at her and set down his bag to sweep her up in his arms. He was so tired that he had dozed off a few times in the car, but seeing his girl up and in a good mood made him feel very much awake and alive. He lived for moments like this, and he'd missed them terribly while he'd been gone.

''Where were you?'' she asked, holding onto him tightly.

''Uncle Robert and I just went to the bakery to get some of your favourite doughnuts. We thought you deserve a special treat, because you were such a brave girl these last few days!'' He smiled and kissed her on the cheek. ''Where is your mum?''

''I'm here'' Anna answered, leaning against the kitchen doorframe. He could see that she was happy to see them, but also anxious to hear what had happened.

''Anna, can we talk for a second?'' Robert said quietly.

''Sure,'' she nodded, when in reality she wanted to bombard both of them with all kinds of questions. But she knew she couldn't do so in front of Gracie; the girl had gone through enough in the last few months.

John set Gracie back down and grabbed the bags. ''Come on, Munchkin - let's go and have something to eat!'' he said, when he saw that Robert and Anna needed to talk.

''What happened?'' Anna asked, as soon as John and Gracie had disappeared into the kitchen. ''What's going on? Is Paul really dead?''

''It's OK, Anna - come,'' he said, and took her into the sitting room. They sat down and he explained everything - about Paul, Green, the murder, why John had been called into the police station. By the end of the conversation, Robert could see that she was shocked, and he tried his best to reassure her when she started asking questions about Green's disappearance and what it might mean for their safety.

''Anna, Green is a coward, so I don't believe he will come back any time soon. I'm sure he's in hiding and, knowing him, he will stay away until someone finds him.''

''But what if they don't? What then?''

''Anna, please...just get dressed and come with me to the station. We can talk about the safety issue with the inspector.''

''OK,'' she nodded. ''Just give me a minute.'' She stood up and walked into the kitchen, where she found John and Gracie by the counter completely absorbed in talking and eating doughnuts. She watched as Gracie touched John's beard and then burst into carefree giggles.

''What's so funny?'' she asked. It felt good to see her little girl laughing so freely.

''Well, apparently Miss Smith here does not like my beard,'' John replied, grinning.

''Oh? And why not?'' Anna said, walking up next to him. Running her hand over his cheek, she added, ''I think you look very handsome with it.''

''Do I?'' He looked her directly into her eyes. It felt as he had never left. He knew they had a long way to go before everything would be all right between them, but these easy, flirtatious moments told him that they would be OK in the end.

''Yes, you do... _very_ handsome,'' Anna whispered. She lowered her hand, but didn't look away. She could see the exhaustion in his eyes, but that spark of his - which had died the night she had told him to leave - was very much alive again.

''It tickles,'' Gracie pronounced, ending the silence. ''I don't like it.''

''You really don't?'' He finally looked away from Anna and focused on Gracie, who shook her head. ''Well, then, I guess I'll have to find the time to shave.'' He chuckled and tapped her nose.

''Gracie, love, can you please take some of these into the sitting room to Uncle Robert? I'm sure he's hungry, too,'' Anna said. She needed to talk to John before leaving for the station. Without any protest Gracie took the plate and left the kitchen.

''Are you all right?'' John asked worriedly, quickly turning to face her.

'''I should be the one asking you that.'' She smiled weakly.

''So I assume Robert told you everything...?'' He took her hand in his.

''He did. I can't believe that Paul's dead...and that Green killed him,'' she said, squeezing his hand.

''Me either.'' He exhaled, then looked at her intently. "How...are you doing? Are you OK? I know it's been years since you and Paul were together, and things...didn't end well, obviously...but you did love him once, and he _was_ Gracie's father..." Anna looked down briefly, then looked back at him and smiled.

"John, you're sweet to ask. Yes, I'm OK. I'm sad that his life ended in such a terrible way, but I'd be sad about that happening to anyone. Any love I had for him died years ago. And he might have been Gracie's father biologically, but he chose to have no part in our lives. So in that sense, he wasn't really her father at all. But thank you for asking." She kissed his cheek.

''Are you OK with going to the station?''

''Yes, don't worry. I will be all right. Robert will be there with me, so...'' She smiled shakily. ''Could you stay here with Gracie until…''

''Anna...'' he interjected, resting his other hand on her hip. ''You know you don't have to ask me. Of course I'll stay here until you are back…''

''Only until I'm back?'' she smiled shyly.

''I will stay forever, if you want me to. I'm not going anywhere,'' he chuckled.

''Thank you...'' she said, and sighed happily as he pulled her into a hug. She could feel his strong arms around her, his hot breath on her neck. It felt so good and so safe being in his embrace. Placing one hand on the nape of his neck, she buried her fingers in the soft hair she found there. ''I know I don't have any right to say this, but…I've missed this,'' she whispered into his ear.

Moving away from her, he stared into her eyes and stated simply, ''I've missed it, too.'' My god, he wanted to kiss her so badly, but he knew it wasn't a good idea. They had made their decision - they would go slowly this time around, and he was going to stick with it, no matter how hard it was.

''I need to go and get dressed,'' she said after a bit.

''I know,'' he replied, not letting go of her. ''I'll be here when you get back,'' he reassured her, after she pulled away reluctantly.

Stepping away from him, she gave him a smile and headed for the stairs. Just when she was about to go up, she turned around and said playfully, ''Oh...and Mr. Bates?''

So it was back to "Mr. Bates," he thought to himself, grinning. ''Yes?''

''Don't you dare shave that beard off!'' she warned, pointing in his direction.

Bursting into laughter, he replied, ''Sure, Miss Smith - the beard stays.''

Giggling, she ran upstairs to get ready.

 **xXx**

''Thank you for coming with me,'' Anna said, getting out of the car. They had both spent the last three hours at the station while Anna had told the inspector everything she knew about Paul and Green.

''No problem. I just hope they find him soon, and then we can all move on with our lives,'' Robert replied, walking with her toward her flat.

''Yeah, me, too. Do you have any idea where he might be?''

''No idea, but I think…'' Robert began, when Anna pushed the front door open and they both heard music coming out of the sitting room. ''What on earth is that?''

They stood in the hall and listened. ''Oh, my!'' Anna giggled, and covered her mouth with her hands when she recognized the song.

''What?'' Robert frowned.

''Listen.'' She pulled him by the sleeve and stopped in front of the sitting room door. Opening it just a little bit, they could see both John and Gracie jumping up and down on the couch, singing at the top of their voices. ''What the fu-…'' Robert eyes widened; he had never seen his best friend like this.

 _'_ _'…let it go, let it go, I am one with the wind and sky…''_ John belted out, smiling at Gracie who was singing with him. _''…let it go, let it go, you'll never see me cry…''_ John jumped off the couch and took Gracie in his arms. They danced around the room, singing and laughing, still not aware that they had an audience.

Staring at them, Anna could not stop smiling. This was the first time Gracie had sung the song since John had left, and it brought tears to her eyes to see her laughing so freely and happily. She and Robert stood quietly by the door, not wanting to interrupt their moment.

Suddenly Robert turned to her and said, ''Please don't hurt him again.'' He knew how much John loved both Anna and Gracie, but this was the first time he had seen the way John and Gracie interacted when they were alone. The connection and love between them was undeniable, and Robert loved seeing his mate coming back to life again in front of his very eyes.

Facing him, Anna vowed, ''I won't, I promise.'' She gave him a smile and blinked back tears.

The song had almost come to an end when Gracie spotted her mum and Robert. Tugging on John's shirt, she pointed toward the door. John turned around and stopped singing the moment he saw Anna and Robert smiling in their direction. ''Oh, you're back.'' He lowered Gracie to the floor and turned off the music, smiling sheepishly.

''We are.'' Robert laughed at his friend's obvious embarrassment.

''How did it go?''

''Well. They're doing their best to get any information that could possibly point to where he might have gone.''

''Good, that's good.'' John smiled and then turned to Anna. ''Your mum rang. They're coming by at around 3.''

''Oh, yeah - I still need to explain to them what happened yesterday. Are you staying or going back to yours?'' she asked, hoping he would stay with them, but wanting to leave the decision to him.

''Please stay... _please!_ '' Gracie begged, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

John chuckled and ran his hand over her curls. ''How can I say no to this face? Sure, I'll stay, but would you mind if I go and take a short nap? I'm knackered…''

''Sure, whatever you need.'' Anna stepped toward him. ''Thank you,'' she added, placing a kiss on his cheek. He looked down at her and smiled.

They stared at each other silently for a few moments more, when Robert burst their bubble, saying, ''Seeing as I'm not needed here any longer, I'll say goodbye.''

''Thank you, Robert...truly. Once again, thank you for everything.'' Anna gave him a hug.

''It's all right. I'm just glad everything ended well and we have our girl back.'' He smiled at Gracie, who was playing on the couch, oblivious to what the grownups were talking about. She was happy, she was home, John was back, and she could not ask for anything more.

''But before I go...John?''

''Yes?''

''I rang Cora.''

''And?''

''Yes, you can,'' he replied, and winked at his friend.

''Thank you to both you and Cora.'' John smiled, glad that his plan seemed to be falling into place.

''No problem. Just enjoy it - you definitely deserve it.'' Robert slapped his mate on the arm, said his goodbyes, and left.

''What were you two talking about?'' Anna asked after he was gone.

''You'll see. But before I tell you, can I please, please close my eyes for just an hour? I promise I'll be up before George and Alice come by.''

''Of course, and don't worry about my parents.'' she nodded. ''Take a shower, relax, get some sleep. We'll be here when you wake up.''

''Thank you.''

''Go,'' she encouraged, and watched him walked upstairs, then turned to her daughter. ''OK, you - come here!'' She sat down on the couch next to Gracie and gave her a big hug, at last feeling the stress of the past months begin to dissipate.

 **xXx**

''You did what?!'' Anna stared back at her father in shock.

After her parents arrived, she had explained everything to them - about what John had done to get the custody papers signed, about Paul having been found dead, and the fact that Green had disappeared. They could not wait for John to wake up so they could thank him for his role in getting Gracie back home. The poor soul was still sound asleep in Anna's bedroom, and no one had the heart to wake him up, not when he'd been up all night and really needed and deserved the rest.

George and Alice had decided to wait for him and were talking to Gracie, when George recognized his opportunity to speak with his daughter privately and joined Anna in the kitchen. It was time he told her what he had done to John after hearing that they had broken up.

''I...went by his flat and…and broke his nose,'' George said quietly, embarrassed to admit it out loud.

''Dad! Have you gone completely mad?! What were you thinking?!'' She remembered seeing John's face in bandages all those months ago, but she had never in a million years imagined that his injuries were all her father's doing.

''I don't know. I was angry...I thought he was the one who…''

''My god, Dad!'' Anna crossed her arms on her chest and glared at her father. How could he have been so stupid?! ''I…I don't even know what to say - really, I don't. What…I mean…my god!'' She just could not believe it. ''Did you at least apologize to him?''

''I did.''

''When?''

''Umm…yesterday,'' he answered quietly, looking down in shame.

'' _What?!_ I can't believe it! You broke his nose and you weren't even man enough to go back and apologize the moment you found out that you were wrong?!''

''Anna…''

''Don't, Dad - just don't.'' She exhaled in a huff. ''I can't believe it! Does Mum know about this?''

''She does.''

''What?! And no one thought to tell me?!'' She was furious - how dare he go to John's and hurt him! And how dare they not tell her!

''Anna, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking; I just…''

''And that's your problem, Dad! You don't stop to think! You act first and think later!'' Anna's voice grew increasingly more agitated, but he did not argue back. She had every right to be upset, and he was prepared to listen quietly to whatever Anna threw at him.

''I know...I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything,'' he said. ''I know that what I did was wrong, but you have to believe that I really thought…''

''I don't want to hear it, Dad," she interrupted. "I'm thankful for all the support you and Mum have given me over the last few months, but _this_ \- I need some time to process all of it.'' She really wanted to shout at him. The only thing stopping her from doing so was the fact that he was her father, and even though she was furious with him, she loved and respected him.

''OK, I guess we'll be off then,'' he said slowly and turned back toward the sitting room, but Anna stopped him. ''Don't go - you came here to be with Gracie, so please stay.'' She could not look at him at this moment, but she knew that Gracie missed her grandparents and enjoyed spending time with them.

''Should we take her out for ice cream? Give you some time to think?'' he asked.

''Yeah, sure. She'd like that,'' she nodded.

When the trio finally left for ice cream, Anna ran upstairs to her bedroom. Opening the door she smiled at the sight of John snoring lightly on her side of the bed. Without thinking twice, she jumped onto the bed next to him and punched him on the shoulder, waking him up.

''Wha-at? Did something happen?'' he asked groggily.

''Why didn't you tell me?'' She smacked him lightly on the shoulder once again.

''Huh? Tell you what?'' He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and leaned back against the headboard. He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

''About my father breaking your nose!''

''Oh, so he told you?'' he chuckled.

''Yes, he did. And why are you smiling!?'' she asked, staring at him. ''There is nothing funny about it _at all_ , especially when you hadn't done anything wrong!''

''I wasn't sure he was going to tell you. He is a braver man than I am.'' He smiled, and when she opened her mouth to protest, he grabbed her forearms, pulled her down, and rolled them over so that he was hovering above her.

''Let me go, John! I'm so mad at him…and you! Why didn't you tell me?! I could...I could…''

''What? You could what?'' he smiled at her, still holding her in place.

''I don't know! I could break _his_ nose! You know, a nose for a nose...or something...'' she fumed, upset both about what her father had done and also that none of them had said anything about it this whole time.

''Anna, he is your father. He was only trying to pro-…''

''Don't say that! Don't try to make excuses for him! What he did was _so_ wrong, and I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, and how mad I am at him. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for what he did!''

''But you will.'' He knew that George was truly sorry about what he had done, and John had forgiven him long ago, realizing that he had just been trying to protect his daughter and granddaughter.

''How can you be on his side, John!? He hurt you, for god's sake, and you'd done nothing wrong!''

''I know that, but if those 4 months in Scotland taught me anything, it was to forgive and move forward. Plus you have to forgive him, or Gracie and I won't take you with us,'' he chuckled.

''What? Take me where?'' She looked so cute lying underneath him that he couldn't help but smile.

He could see that she was confused, and he couldn't wait to tell her that he was taking her and Gracie out of the country to spend some time together and relax after everything that had happened, but he really wanted her to let go of her resentment toward her father.

''I'll tell you, but first you have to promise me that you'll talk to your father and tell him that you forgive him.''

''John! He hurt you…'' she protested.

''I know - I was there, love - but he is your father, and I really believe that he is sorry.''

''But…''

''Anna…'' he interrupted gently, and lowered himself so that she could feel his breath on her face. ''Please...I don't want you to fight with your father over what happened between him and me. All of that is in the past, and if we are going to rebuild our relationship, we need to focus on you and me - on _us_ \- not on your father's mistakes. We have already lost so much time dealing with so many problems, and we don't need that kind of negativity now...or ever. So do you think you could forgive him? Please? For us, as much as for him.''

Anna knew that he was right. Now that Gracie was back, they needed to put their energy and attention into making things right again for them as a couple and as a family, not on starting new fights. ''OK, I will...I promise.''

''Thank you, love.'' He let go of her and stood up. ''Come on.''

Propping herself up on her arms, she watched him while he put his jeans on. ''Where are you going?''

''To Hawaii.'' He grinned at her and left the bedroom.

* * *

 **BETA: ANNAMBATES! :) A BIG THANK YOU!**

 **thanks for reading, and don't forget ! tomorrow is my beta's birthday! WISH ANNAMBATES A HAPPY B-DAY! ...you can even buy her a present or make a cake! :) ****(or I won't be posting chapter 36 anytime soon!) ;)**

 **oh...I've borrowed DCI Tom Barnaby from the British TV detective drama - Midsomer murders! :)**


	36. Oddih

**Chapter XXXVI**

''What on earth is this?'' Jane asked, pulling a terribly frumpy swimsuit out of Anna's suitcase.

It was the beginning of September, three weeks after Paul's murder. The police were still working hard to find Green, but so far had not even found any leads. After Paul's body had been examined by the coroner, his parents had had him taken up north to be buried. The funeral had been done quickly and privately, with only his mother and father in attendance. To tell the truth, Anna had briefly considered attending, but she'd had no idea where the funeral was taking place and no one knew anything after the body had been picked up by the men his parents had sent to transfer him back home.

School had started. John and Anna had both thought that the last few months had been traumatic for Gracie, but no matter how hard they had tried to convince her to take the first week off, she had insisted on going. All she had wanted was to start the new school year as normally as possible. And perhaps she was right - after all that happened, maybe the routine of school would do her some good. She had also really missed her friends.

John had settled back into his little flat not too far from Anna's, and to Gracie's great excitement, Joy had arrived a few days later. It had been love at first sight. She absolutely adored the dog, and it had taken no time at all for Joy to get used to having a new, highly energetic, and extremely affectionate person in her life.

''My swimsuit,'' Anna replied, closing the closet. She, John, Gracie, and the puppy Joy were leaving the country that evening to spend a week in Hawaii. Cora and Robert owned a vacation home with a private beach on one of the more remote islands, and when John had asked Robert to lend it to them as a favour, his friends had been more than happy to do so.

''Are you kidding?'' Jane took another look at the hideous suit and promptly threw it into the bin next to the door.

''Hey, what do you think you're doing?'' Anna stared at her and walked over to pull it out, but Jane was quicker, blocking her path. ''Oh, no, you don't. Leave it.''

''What? Why?'' Anna asked, when she saw her friend's expression.

''Anna, you are going to spend 7 days in Hawaii, at a private beach house with its own private beach...''

''Yes, Jane, I'm aware of that,'' Anna said. She had been thrilled when John had explained his plans to her. Robert had cleared it with DCI Barnaby that they could leave the country, even though the investigation was still going strong, and she was sure it would do all of them good to spend some time away together.

''Are you? Because it doesn't look that way.'' Jane crossed her arms on her chest and continued staring at her friend.

''Jane, can you please move so I can finish packing? John will be here with Gracie any minute now, and I still need to take a shower and get ready to go to the church.'' John and Gracie had gone by his place to pick up his suit so that he could get dressed at Anna's. The trio were going to attend Sybbie Branson's christening before leaving the country. The little girl was almost 6 months old, but Sybil had insisted on waiting for John to return before christening her. She wanted John to be her daughter's godfather, and even though she and Tom had had no idea when he was going to come back, they had decided to wait as long as necessary.

''Do _not_ touch that! Anna, have you gone completely mad?'' Jane exclaimed, when Anna walked past her to get her swimsuit out of the bin.

''Why, Jane?'' Anna still had no idea what her friend was talking about.

''Oh, my god, Anna! Listen - you are about to spend the next week on a sunny island in the middle of nowhere with John, and if I remember correctly, you are trying to work things out, right?''

''Yes, but I still don't know what the problem is.''

Turning around, Jane took the swimsuit from the bin. '' _Thi_ s is the problem. What are you, 80 years old or something? I can't let you take this ugly thing with you. Where's that white bikini - the one I saw in your drawer earlier?''

Anna finally understood what Jane was up to. ''Jane, I can't take that with me! It's...it's too…''

''Too sexy? Anna, that's the whole point!''

''I don't think this is going to be the time or place for 'sexy,' Jane. This vacation is meant to give John and me an opportunity to talk, to start over, and…''

''Yes, yes...I know all that, but I can't let you take this with you. You never know what might happen.'' Jane smiled and winked at her, while pulling the dresser drawers open.

''If you're talking about sex, I can guarantee you that nothing is going to happen…'' Anna began, sitting on the bed. She and John had shared a few hugs and pecks over the past few weeks, but nothing more. John was very clear about wanting to go slowly this time, and Anna agreed that it was the right thing for them at this point.

''Would you want it to happen?'' Jane asked, still looking through Anna's drawers for the bikini.

''What do you mean?'' she frowned.

''You know, if the timing and atmosphere were right? I know you said that you're taking things slowly, and I get that - you need to start over. But you know how it is...sometimes sex can make it easier to get past problems…''

''It's never just sex with John,'' Anna interrupted, making Jane turn around and look at her. ''No matter where or how we did it, it was never just sex. He is a perfect lover, Jane - so gentle, so caring. He always put me first, always made sure that I was OK.'' This was the first time she had ever talked out loud about how making love to John was for her.

''He always made me feel safe and loved when I was in his arms, and...and…I still threw that away because of Paul.'' Her voice cracked. ''And I'll never forgive myself for doing that to him.''

''Anna.'' Jane walked over and sat down, putting an arm around her and pulling her closer.

''I'm still angry, Jane - so, so mad at myself for letting that happen...for letting my past, my fears, affect our relationship, our love, when I knew that he's the love of my life. We need to rebuild trust between us before we can let ourselves be that vulnerable again, so the answer to your question is no. I'm not planning to sleep with him while we are away, no matter how right the timing or atmosphere might feel.'' She smiled and brushed a tear from her cheek.

''No matter how good the sex might be?'' Jane joked, nudging her.

''No matter how good the sex might be.'' Anna laughed, not knowing how wrong she was.

 **xXx**

''Are you sure your mum won't be mad that I'm not wearing a tie?'' John asked Gracie playfully, looking at her in the rear view mirror while buckling his seat belt. They had just spent almost half an hour going through John's closet, looking for just the right tie for him to wear. And in the end Gracie had suggested that John not wear a tie at all.

''Yes, I'm sure!'' She nodded, smiling, then looked out of the window pensively. Since spending time in foster care, both John and Anna would sometimes notice her brooding. She didn't look sad or upset, but they still worried when they saw her like this. Anna had taken her to a few therapy sessions with Mrs. Logan, who had assured her that Gracie was doing well considering all that had happened, and that they didn't need to worry about her unusual behaviour. Like grownups, children too had their ways of dealing with and getting over difficult and traumatic situations. The best thing they could do, she said, was to talk to Gracie regularly and make sure that she felt safe and loved.

''John, can I ask you something?'' Gracie asked, after a few minutes of silence.

''Sure. You can always ask me anything," he replied. "Is everything OK?''

''Will you teach me how to swim?'' she asked slowly, a little embarrassed that she didn't know how to swim.

Looking at her in the rear view mirror, he answered, ''Of course I'll teach you how to swim, Munchkin.'' Hearing his answer, she gave him the biggest grin, and John had to chuckle when he saw the gap in her smile. One of her front teeth had finally fallen out a few days earlier, and when she had gotten a few pounds for the tooth, she had spent it all on a chew toy for Joy. She really adored that puppy.

''Are you looking forward to our little vacation?'' he asked.

''Yes. Is it nice there?''

''It is - lots of sun and miles of wonderful beaches. We'll have fun!''

''Will I be able to build sandcastles?''

''Yes.'' He laughed, happy to see her so excited. When he and Anna had told her about Hawaii, her first question had been whether John was going with them. Even though they had promised her that John was back to stay, she was still scared that John could disappear out of her life without any warning, as he had before.

They talked about Hawaii for the rest of the short drive and, before they knew it, John pulled the car up in front of Anna's.

''We're home,'' John announced, as he opened the front door.

''I'm upstairs!'' Anna called, her cheerful voice making him smile.

''Gracie, can you please go to your room and put your dress on? We'll be leaving for the church soon,'' John said to the little girl, who simply nodded her head and ran up to her room with Joy at her heels. John followed her upstairs and then down the hall to Anna's bedroom.

''All packed?'' he asked, pushing the bedroom door open and seeing her standing by the bed, zipping her bag.

''Yes!'' She turned around and smiled. ''I just hope I'm not forgetting anything.''

''Anna, we're going to Hawaii - how much will we really need? A towel, t-shirts, shorts, and swimming costumes...that's it.'' He chuckled, stepping closer to her, and took her hand in his, squeezing it lightly.

''Did you get your suit for the christening?'' she asked.

''I did, but we had hard time deciding on a tie, so Gracie said I shouldn't wear one. What do you think?''

''Hmmm...let me think…'' She locked her hands around his neck, prompting him to wrap his arms around her waist. ''Are you going with the whole open collar thing, then?''

''I am.'' His eyes twinkled. ''Bad idea?''

''No, not at all.'' She shook her head, smiling sweetly at him. ''I love seeing glimpses of your chest hair poking out of your open collar.'' She was still trying to find the right way to flirt with him this time around. She loved being affectionate and playful with him, but didn't want him to get the feeling that she was pushing them into something they weren't ready for yet.

''Really? 'I didn't know that...'' He laughed, knowing exactly what was on her mind. He knew how much she loved to bury her fingers in his chest hair when they were intimate. He had no idea why she loved it so much, but he certainly had never complained about it.

''Yes, I think you did,'' Anna replied, blushing slightly. It had only been 3 short weeks since he had returned, and even though they still had a lot to work on, there were moments - just like this - when they somehow managed to slip back into simply being them.

Laughing, he replied, ''OK, I did, but I still don't know why.''

''I just do.'' She caressed the nape of his neck the way she knew he liked.

Feeling her touch on him, he could feel a tingle going through his body. He missed her, his body missed her, and he couldn't wait to spend the next week with her at a secluded beach house on the other side of the world.

''Should I throw all my ties away, then?'' he teased.

''No,'' she shook her head. ''I love your ties.''

''You do?''

''Well, I love pulling on them when I'm undress-…'' She paused, realizing what she had been about to say. ''…umm, I mean…'' She coughed self-consciously and let go of him.

''I'm sorry.'' She tried to move away, but he took her hand and made her look at him.

''It's all right.'' He smiled at her lovingly. ''We can talk about sex, Anna.''

''I know we can, but…'' She exhaled. ''…it's just that I don't want you to think that I've only missed that part of our relationship. We haven't even shared our real first kiss since you've come back, and here I am talking about having sex.''

''Well, we were very, very good at it, so why not talk about it?'' he joked, sensing her frustration and trying to lighten the conversation.

''Mr. Bates, that sort of talk is beneath you.'' She feigned shock, then smacked his shoulder with a smile.

''Look, I know this thing between us is a little weird right now. We both have no idea how to do this properly, but we will get to kissing and...other things…'' He chuckled, seeing her cheeks colour. ''…when the time is right.'' He missed the physical side of their relationship as much as she did. All they had done for the last few weeks was talk, hold hands, hug, and share some cuddles, but at the same time they both knew that going slowly was the right thing to do.

''But for now, I think we need to focus on getting ready. We can't keep my goddaughter waiting.''

 **xXx**

When they arrived at church, the entire Crawley/Branson family was waiting for them. It was a lovely ceremony, but if anyone had asked Anna what the priest was saying, she wouldn't have had a clue. Her eyes were glued to John up front, holding little Sybbie, and she could not help but think how good he looked with her sleeping peacefully in his arms. He was born to be a father, she thought to herself while watching him. How could she have thought that he would run if she had been pregnant with his child?

''Are you OK?'' Thomas asked, after nudging her to sit down.

''Yes, I am...thank you.'' She smiled weakly at him. ''I was just thinking about John and his way with kids,'' she explained quietly.

''Yeah. I never would have imagined that he'd be so gentle with them, just from his appearance,'' Thomas whispered back, well aware that the priest was still talking.

''What do you mean _his appearance_?'' Anna chuckled quietly, not certain what Thomas meant.

''You know, he has the build of someone you might hire to beat the shit out of someone - tall, strong, broad shoulders. But the moment you put a child into his arms, he turns into a…''

''...teddy bear,'' Anna finished his sentence. She giggled softly, knowing exactly what he meant.

''Yes,'' he nodded seriously. He had first met John when he'd escorted Anna to the charity ball, and he hadn't really been sure about him at first. He'd known that John had been eyeing him the whole evening because he was Anna's date, but something about him made Thomas feel that he was the last man in the world he'd want to mess with...until he saw how gentle, patient, and loving he was with Gracie. He could tell that they were close, and the girl had talked about John a lot when he and James had babysat her during his absence.

''That's the whole reason I rang and asked him to come back to help you, and…''

''Wait, what?'' Anna turned to face him. ''Thomas?'' She covered her mouth in shock when she realized what he was referring to. '' _You_ are the one who rang John?!''

Smiling nervously, he answered, ''I am.''

''But how? I mean…'' She had asked John who had rung and asked him to return, but John had no idea. It had been a brief call, and John hadn't recognised the voice.

Although Anna and Thomas were sitting toward the back of the church and were whispering, John still managed to notice out of the corner of his eye that something was going on.

''I hope I didn't overstep, but…'' Thomas started to explain, when Anna took his hand and pulled him out of the church, leaving Gracie with Jimmy. The moment the door closed behind them, Anna wrapped her arms around Thomas and held him close.

''Overstep? My god, Thomas!'' She moved away from him and wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. ''I can't even begin to explain how glad I am that you did. You saved Gracie and me by contacting him. I don't know how I can ever thank you.'' She smiled at him.

''Thank god!'' he laughed. ''I was a little worried that you would be mad at me for intruding.''

''Mad?! How could I be mad at you for bringing him back! Thank you! Thank you so much!'' She gave him a kiss on the cheek and once more hugged him tightly.

''I'm just happy that everything worked out the way it did.''

Suddenly the door of the church door opened wide and John hurried out.

''Is everything all right?'' he asked. The moment the last word had left the priest's mouth, he had hurried out of the church to find out what was going on.

On hearing John's worried voice, Anna let go of Thomas and turned to him.

''John!'' she smiled. ''It was Thomas!''

''What? What was Thomas?'' He frowned, not having any idea what she was talking about.

''Thomas was the one who rang you in Scotland!''

''You were?'' John smiled at the young man. ''But where did you get my number?''

''Gracie,'' Thomas grinned. ''I had asked her at one point, just in case of emergency, and she gave it to me.''

''Well, I'm glad she did,'' John replied, and offered him his hand. ''Thank you.''

''It was my pleasure. I'm just glad it's all over.''

''Well, it's not completely over yet. They still don't have a clue where Green disappeared to,'' John said, and automatically took Anna's hand in his. ''The bastard seems to have vanished completely.'' Even though the inspector had felt certain that they were safe, John was still worried that Green could show up and hurt Anna or Gracie when he wasn't around.

''Still no leads, then?'' Thomas said.

''No.'' Anna shook her head. ''But they haven't given up the search.''

''John, what's going on!?'' Robert emerged from the church, looking for his friend. ''Is something the matter?''

''No, no. Everything's fine.'' John smiled.

''OK,'' Robert said, looking a bit sceptical. ''Come on, then! We have to take a few photos before we let you and your lovely girls run away to Hawaii.'' He disappeared back into the church with the three of them following.

After the photos were taken and they had all eaten an early dinner together, John, Anna, and Gracie finally said their goodbyes.

After stopping by Anna's flat to change into comfortable clothes and load their baggage and Joy into the car, they were finally on their way to the airport. They had been driving for a while when Anna noticed something.

''John?'' She turned the radio down and looked at him.

''Anna?'' He tried to sound serious, but he knew that she was on to him.

''Where are we going?'' she asked, having noticed that he'd just driven past the exit for Heathrow.

''To the airport?'' He chuckled, looking into the rear view mirror and seeing Gracie smiling back at him.

''OK, what are you two up to?'' She turned around to look at her daughter.

''Nothing,'' John smiled, keeping his eyes on the road.

''Nothing,'' Gracie repeated, and giggled.

''Why are you two always ganging up on me?'' Anna laughed, looking first at Gracie and then at him.

''I have no idea what you're talking about,'' John said seriously, before looking up at her with a smile.

''It's a surprise!'' Gracie clapped her hands. Joy barked, wiggling her tail in excitement and making the whole car laugh.

''Oh, is it really? Will you at least tell me if I'm going to like it?'' Anna asked.

''You tell me,'' John replied, and pulled the car through a big gate labelled "Crawley."

''Is this what I think it is?'' she asked, her mouth hanging open, while he parked the car near one of the hangars.

Turning the engine off, he turned to face her and smiled. ''Well, I don't know what you're thinking, but if you have in mind a private plane which will take us to Hawaii, then you are right.'' Robert owned several private jets, and had been more than happy to lend them one for their holiday.

Before she could say anything, John had already climbed out of the car to unload their baggage. ''Are you coming or not?'' he called to her with a grin, when he saw her still sitting in the car, not believing they were actually going to fly to Hawaii in a private jet.

 **xXx**

''Welcome! I'm Captain Coyle, and I will be your pilot today,'' a handsome man greeted them, stepping onto the plane as they made themselves comfortable in the leather seats.

''I hope we're not late,'' John smiled, standing up and shaking the man's hand.

''No - no worries - we still have 10 minutes before takeoff. Please make yourselves comfortable, and let us know if you need anything,'' he said politely, disappearing into the cockpit.

''Are you OK?'' John asked Anna, when he noticed her looking a bit dazed.

''OK? John, we are flying to Hawaii in a private plane!'' she practically squealed. ''How on earth did you…''

''Robert,'' he replied. ''But he made me promise him something.''

''Oh? What was that?''

Before answering, he checked to make sure that Gracie couldn't hear him. ''I had to promise him that we would _not_ renew our membership in the famous Mile High Club.'' He winked at her, and when he leaned his head back against the headrest, he heard her start to giggle.

 **xXx**

It was already very late when they landed, but when Anna emerged from the plane, the first thing that hit her was the heat. It was so warm and balmy there, nothing like the chilly London they had left behind so many hours ago. The flight had been comfortable and relaxing. They had made a quick stop in New York City to refuel, but other than that everything had gone smoothly. She still couldn't believe that Robert had lent them one of his planes. Talk about a first class flight!

Anna could not wait to finally get to the beach house. It felt wonderful to know that they were going to spend the next week alone together, without having to worry about anyone interrupting them. Peace, quiet, and solitude, so she and John could slowly begin the process of reconnecting and rebuilding.

Robert had arranged for a car to meet them at the airport, and after they completed some paperwork, John carried an already sleeping Gracie to the car so their local driver could finally take them to the house. The drive was short and pleasant and before they knew it, they had pulled up in front of a luxurious beach house. Someone had already turned on all the lights, and when they opened the front door, the first thing they could see through the floor-to-ceiling picture windows before them was a spacious terrace behind the house, equipped with a pool and jacuzzi, overlooking the sparkling ocean.

''Gracie, don't go too near the pool,'' Anna said, when she saw her daughter run out onto the terrace with the Joy following close behind.

''Yes, Mummy,'' she said, and ran up and down the terrace. The house was absolutely beautiful; it was a large, with two floors, and the kitchen alone felt bigger than Anna's little flat back in England.

''Gracie love, come on - let's go upstairs so you can pick your bedroom,'' Anna said, and the little girl was back in the house running upstairs in a second, which made John and Anna laugh as they walked up behind her.

The upstairs hall was enormous; it was long and wide and had about 6 doors on each side. ''Gracie, where are you?'' Anna called, not sure which room she had gone into. Opening the door at the end of the hall, Gracie popped her head out and smiled. ''I'm here! Can Joy and I have this room, please?!''

''You can have any room you want, Munchkin,'' John replied, and walked past Anna with Gracie's bag in his hand. Walking in, he could see that the room had its own small balcony and bathroom.

''This is very nice,'' Anna said, standing behind him. She walked around the room, taking everything in. ''Come on, love, go wash up and get ready for bed. It's been a long day, and we need to get some sleep so we'll be rested for tomorrow.''

''OK,'' she said, and disappeared into the bathroom with Joy right behind her.

''So what do you think? Do you like it?'' John turned to Anna after placing Gracie's bag near the bed.

''Like it? Are you kidding me?'' She giggled. ''It's breathtaking! I can't wait for the sun to come up so I can see everything there is to see about this place. Have you ever been here before?''

''Actually I have. Robert and Cora got married here, and I was Robert's best man.''

''Really? You never told me that.''

''Well...if I had, I would have had to tell you how I lost Robert on the night before the wedding,'' he explained.

''What?'' she laughed. ''You _lost_ him? How?!''

''We were young. I'd gotten him just a little too drunk that night, and he wandered off on his way to the loo.'' He laughed. It was funny now, but it hadn't been a laughing matter when he had gone to find him, only to discover that he was gone.

''Where did he go?''

''I'm not sure. I'd been looking for him for hours before I finally heard from some of the locals that there was a naked man down at the beach staring at the ocean,'' he said.

''He was naked and sitting on the beach in the middle of the night? What was he doing there?''

''I have no idea. Even he doesn't remember how he managed to end up there.''

''Does Cora know anything about this?''

''God, no.'' He shook his head and took a step closer to her. ''And you can't tell anyone - Rob would kill me if he knew I'd told you.''

"Good night, Mummy," Gracie interrupted them, coming out of the bathroom and giving her mother a hug and a kiss. ''Can John tuck me in tonight?''

''Sure I can.'' He smiled. "I'll be down in a minute.''

''Take your time,'' Anna answered, before leaving the room and going downstairs.

It only took about 5 minutes for Gracie to settle down and fall asleep, and when John walked downstairs, he could see Anna lounging on a double hammock on the terrace.

''Room for one more?'' he asked, as he walked up to her.

''Sure.'' She tried to move over to make space for him, but it was harder than she'd expected.

''Just lie still.'' John laughed, first sitting down on the hammock and then carefully lying down next to her. They were both stretched out together, but the positions they were in were a little uncomfortable.

''Here, let's try it like this,'' he suggested, and placed one arm around her, pulling her closer. ''Better?''

''Better,'' she sighed. She wrapped her arm around his middle, cuddling up to him and inhaling his scent.

They lay like this for a couple of minutes, listening quietly to the waves until John broke the silence. ''I think I should take you on a first date.''

''What?'' she smiled, and shifted her head to look at him.

''Well, we didn't really have a first date the first time around, if you think about it.''

''Yes, we did.''

''No, I just cooked you a few dinners when I was still working for you, and that was it.''

''Yes, but I want you to know that every one of those dinners was special to me.'' She smiled, recalling how she had practically run out of the office at the end of each day, glowing with the knowledge that he was waiting for her, with a homemade meal on the table for them to share together.

''They weren't anything special, though.''

''I fell in love with you during those dinners, John.''

It warmed his heart to hear her say that. ''That's the whole reason I insisted on cooking them for you,'' he laughed. ''I needed an excuse to stay with you long after my work hours were over, hoping...praying...that you would see how crazy I was about you.''

''You didn't have to, you know.'' She giggled again. ''I was yours from the moment you walked into my flat that first morning, and if you had asked me out, I would have gladly said yes.'' She wasn't lying. She had spent countless sleepless nights lying in bed, imagining him taking her out on a date.

''I'm asking you out now.'' He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling.

''And my answer is still the same, Mr. Bates.'' She gave him a peck on the cheek before snuggling up closer to him, and then whispered, ''Yes, I'll go on a date with you.

* * *

 **beta: the wonderful annambates! :)**

 **thank you for R &R! :D I hope you liked this chapter! let us know what you think! :) thanks!**


	37. Havaji

**Chapter XXXVII**

When the three of them woke up in the morning, the sun was already high in the sky. Anna was right. The place looked absolutely stunning - sandy beaches, palm trees as far as the eye could see - but what she liked most was how hot it was.

And it got even hotter when John came down wearing blue shorts and a white summer shirt with the top two buttons undone and a pair of sunglasses hanging from the open collar. He had lost a lot of weight while he'd been away. She had never minded him being a little soft around the belly, but the lost pounds just made him look younger.

She was too busy checking him out to see that he was staring back at her with the same adoration. She was wearing a flowery yellow summer dress that ended mid-thigh, with the cutest white hat resting on her head. They would have stood in the middle of the kitchen just staring at each other silently all day, if Gracie hadn't interrupted them. She was wearing the same kind of summer dress as her mum, but hers was blue and a little longer. They decided to drive to the nearest town to walk around a little, taking in the new scenery and getting acquainted with the locale.

The three of them were so pale that they spent the first hour making sure every inch of their exposed skin was covered with sunbathing cream. The sun was strong, and they were not taking any chances - they did not want to spend the rest of the vacation shut up indoors, dealing with sunburns. John locked the house and, just as Robert had told him, a jeep was parked in the garage, ready for their use.

After a short drive to town, they spent almost half of the day walking around, discovering a couple of restaurants and a shop, and they had more than one pleasant conversation with locals who kindly offered them help if they needed it. They were pleased that the area where they were staying attracted fewer tourists than the rest of the island. The beach house didn't even have any neighbours, and they were glad for the privacy it allowed them.

It was almost three in the afternoon when Gracie got tired of just walking around. It had been fun, but she really wanted to go back to the house so that John could start teaching her how to swim. She was thrilled at the prospect of finally learning, so they said their goodbyes and drove back to the house.

While Anna took a quick shower, John, Gracie, and Joy went ahead to the beach.

''Ready?'' John smiled down at Gracie, and she smiled back nervously. He knew that she was eager to learn, but could also see that she was a little scared, so he took her hand and together they made their way into the sea. They spent the first few minutes splashing one another until John sensed that she was comfortable enough in her new surroundings. Lifting her in his arms, he walked out a little further until the water was just up his waist. Now their little swimming lesson could begin.

''Will you let go of me?'' Gracie asked, when he lowered both of them down in the water, her small hands clutching around his neck in fear. The water was calm, but this was the first time she had ever been in water this deep. The only time she had been to the sea was in the north of England when she was 5 years old, and the water there had been so cold that she had never actually taken a step into it.

''Listen, Gracie, you don't need to be afraid, OK? I'll be here the whole time, and I promise that I won't let go of you for a second until you are ready, all right?'' John said soothingly.

She brightened at his reassurance.

''But what if I don't learn?'' she asked, still worried.

''You will. Look at Joy - if she can learn, so can you.'' He turned around, pointing to the dog, who was slowly paddling in their direction.

''Joy!'' Gracie squealed, watching her swim toward them. Letting go of John's neck, she opened her arms. The dog swam directly into her embrace and immediately started licking her.

''Stop it, Joy, stop it!'' she giggled and tried to move her head away from the dog's enthusiastic licking. John laughed in pure joy at standing in the beautiful sea with Gracie and Joy in his arms, and when he turned his head he could see Anna on the shore waving.

''What are you doing?'' she called, giggling at the sight of the three of them in the water together.

''Mummy!'' Gracie waved back and let go of the dog, which then started swimming toward Anna.

''Aren't you going to join us?'' John asked, when he saw her sit down on the one of the beach chairs under the big umbrella.

''I don't want to interrupt your swimming lesson. I'll just stay here with my book,'' she called back, but John knew her well enough to know that something wasn't quite right. He wanted to go and talk to her, but Gracie chose that moment to start to wiggling out of his arms, feeling more confident about being in the water.

John spent the next half hour teaching her how to float, kick, and move her arms, and as he had promised her, he never let go of her completely. She was doing a really good job for the first time, until her head went under the water and she swallowed a little seawater. It wasn't much, but it was enough to scare her. She started crying, and with that their first swimming lesson was over.

John tried to encourage her to try again, but Gracie had had enough for one day. He carried her to the point where the water was just up to her waist, and she quickly made her way to Anna for a cuddle.

''Is she OK?'' John asked from the water.

''She's fine,'' Anna reassured him. ''Don't worry.''

His brow was furrowed with concern until he saw Gracie wave to him, smiling.

''OK. I'm just going to swim a lap and then I'll be right there,'' he replied, waving to both of them.

When he was done with his lap, he turned back to the shore. He could see Anna still on the beach chair and Gracie making a sandcastle under another umbrella a few metres away, Joy lying peacefully next to her.

John didn't realize it, but Anna was thinking about him the whole time he was swimming. She had a book with her, but she hadn't managed to read even one page so far. It felt like a fairy tale to her, thinking about him and Gracie spending time together, laughing and playing in the water. She didn't want to burst their bubble of happiness; she had already done that once when she had sent him away.

She was so lost in her daydream that she didn't even see him coming out of the water until he was only a few steps from her, and then she froze in place. He looked so good! She was aware that he had lost some weight, but she hadn't been expecting this - he had six-packs, for god's sake! She just stared at him with her mouth hanging open, unable to look away. His wet swim shorts clung to him in the most delicious way, and she was having a hard time trying to force herself look away from his body, which was glistening with seawater. Finally reaching her, he took his towel from the little table, dried himself off, and sat down on the chair next to hers.

''Are you sure you're all right?'' John asked, unable to read her expression.

''Umm…'' she began, still staring at him. His chest hair was still damp, and she could see water dripping down his hair and onto his worried face.

''Anna?'' he asked again, not sure what she was thinking about. But it had suddenly hit her - he was gorgeous, and she knew that if everything had been OK between them and if Gracie hadn't been around, she would have taken matters into her own hands and demanded him then and there.

''Annaaa...?'' he repeated her name and covered her hand with his.

The contact finally made her realise that she hadn't really been paying attention to what he'd been saying.

''What?'' she asked dreamily, trying to ignore the way her body was responding to him.

''I asked if you're OK?'' He chuckled at having to ask the same question again.

''Yes...yes, I'm fine - thank you.'' Anna coughed self-consciously and smiled, thankful that her cheeks were already red because of the heat.

''Why aren't you in your swimsuit?'' he asked, noticing that she was wearing shorts and a top. He shifted, trying to make himself comfortable on the chair.

''I just don't feel like it, that's all,'' she lied. The truth was that she had spent almost 20 minutes in her room trying to decide what to wear. Somehow Jane had managed to replace her frumpy swimsuit with the white bikini, and Anna was still not sure whether she should wear it. In the end, she had decided not to join John and Gracie in the water, and had put the bikini back in the drawer.

''Anna?'' He could sense that she wasn't telling him the whole truth; there was something in her eyes that told him she was worried about something. Staring at her, he waited patiently for her to say something.

She could see that he wasn't going to let it go until she explained what was on her mind. ''You'll think I'm being silly...'' she hesitated.

''I could never think that,'' he replied gently, and sat up, turning his whole body toward her. ''Just tell me. That's the whole reason we are here, Anna - to talk.''

''I know that, but…'' She knew he was right, so took a deep breath and began. ''You see, Jane somehow managed to swap my regular swimsuit with a rather…well...ummm...a rather sexy bikini.'' Anna looked up at him shyly, and she could see him grinning.

''And the problem is?''

''Well…it's pretty revealing, and I don't want you to think that I'm wearing it just because I want to seduce you, when I know we're not here for that,'' she managed to say, despite her embarrassment. She didn't want him to think that she was focused just on the physical part of their relationship. They were here to talk, not to tease one another.

Getting up from his beach chair, John sat down next to her. Taking her hand in his, he looked up and smiled.

''And what would you say if I told you that I _want_ to be seduced by you?'' he whispered in the way he knew that she liked, and saw her eyes widen. ''I want you to flirt with me, every chance you get. I want you to wear your sexy, revealing bikini, making me shiver all over when I look you,'' he continued. He leaned closer to her and saw that she really had no idea how to respond.

''I know this whole situation is a little awkward, but we love each other, and you should never feel bad about making me fall for you all over again, every time I see you. In your everyday clothes, in your bikini, or even wearing nothing.''

''John.'' She exhaled, feeling her whole body respond to his words. ''You have to stop saying all these things to me.''

''And why is that?'' he chuckled.

''I think you know why.'' Anna smiled, seeing him flash a cheeky grin at her. ''I already have enough trouble resisting you in your swim shorts, so you can't say all these things to me when you know how much I want to kiss you, but can't.''

''Well, we have to share our second first kiss at some point, so why can't we do it right now?'' he said, and rested his hands on either side of her half-reclining body.

''Are you sure?'' she asked, looking up slowly from his lips to his eyes. It was silly, really. This time around she was the one making sure he was all right with the pace of their relationship. Anna knew that he wanted to start over, but she still felt guilty about everything that had happened between them. She wanted to be 100% sure he was all right with it. She wasn't taking any more chances of hurting him by doing something he - and they - were not yet prepared for.

''I've been sure since I came back,'' John smiled sweetly, leaning a little closer to her.

She silently covered one of his hands, and as slowly as possible ran her hand up his arm and neck until she reached his cheek, cupping it. His hand moved to rest on the side of her thigh, and they both smiled before slowly starting to close the gap between them.

With half-lidded eyes and dreamy smiles, they were so close that they could feel each other's breath on their lips, when a sudden shriek from Gracie made both of them jump and turn in her direction.

''What's the matter?'' Anna asked her daughter, who was still sitting in the sand, but looking upset.

''Joy ruined my castle!'' she pouted at the dog. "Now I have to start over again."

''Would you like some help?'' John exhaled, sitting up straight.

''Yes, please,'' she said, and stood up to get a little shovel that Joy had started to chew.

''I'm coming.'' He turned his gaze back to Anna. ''Care to join us?''

''No, you go. You deserve to spend some alone time with her. She's missed you.''

''I've missed her, too,'' he replied. ''And I've missed you, as well, Miss Smith,'' he added playfully, when he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. He gave her a gentle peck on the cheek, then stood up. Before walking away, he turned to her. ''I love her, but the kid really has the worst timing ever.''

''Yeah, she got that from my father,'' she replied seriously. They both burst into laughter, remembering how George had interrupted their first kisses in front of her flat, after the Christmas charity ball.

When they finally stopped laughing, John said, ''We'll get there, don't you worry.'' He winked, then walked over to Gracie and what remained of her sandcastle.

 **xXx**

The days following were like heaven to them. They were having the best vacation of their lives - joking, cuddling, playing, and simply spending time together as a real family. Gracie finally learned to swim, and it was taking John and Anna a lot of persuading to get her out of the water each day.

They had also had time to finally sit down and talk about everything that had happened between them and, more important, why it had happened in the first place. There were tears from each of them, but after they were done, they could both feel a big burden being lifted from their shoulders.

They still hadn't found the right moment to share their second first kiss - with Gracie and Joy around, there was always _something_ going on - but they didn't really mind. OK, if they were really honest, they actually _did_ mind...so on their last evening in Hawaii, John had asked Anna to join him on the beach.

As slowly and quietly as possible, Anna closed Gracie's bedroom door after checking on her and Joy. It wasn't late, but the sun, all the swimming, and chasing after Joy on the beach over the last week had exhausted Gracie. She had even started dozing off at the table during dinner, so John had picked her up and carried upstairs. After placing her in her bed, he had turned and whispered to Anna to meet him on the beach in 20 minutes, then disappeared with a smile and wink.

Before heading to the beach, she made sure all the doors were locked, so no one could enter the house without an alarm code, but it would still be easy for Gracie to come out and find them if she needed anything. Joy was with her, too, and Anna knew that the dog would wake up the whole island if Gracie needed them.

She had no idea where John was waiting for her, but when she approached the fence she could see dozens of small, lighted candles creating a path that led down the terrace toward the beach. With a smile full of wonder, she hurried down the stairs toward the beach, and when she walked past a small group of palm trees, she could see John standing in the middle of the beach, staring out at the sea. A big fluffy blanket was spread on the sand next to him, along with some pillows and a picnic basket. She just stared at him for a minute, taking him in, before letting him know she was there.

''What's all this?'' she asked warmly, making him turn around.

''Oh, so you've found me,'' he replied, extending his hand.

''I have,'' she smiled, taking his hand in hers.

''Come, let's sit down,'' he said, and lay down, pulling her with him. As they made themselves comfortable on the blanket, he immediately pulled her closer and sighed contentedly. ''I know you probably imagined something more exciting for our date, maybe dinner or dancing, but...''

''This is perfect,'' she interrupted, looking into his eyes. ''I don't need you to take me dancing or to dinner. This - us, lying here in each other's arms - is more than enough for me,'' she reassured him.

''I'll try to remember that the next time I ask you out.'' John chuckled when she smacked him on the chest playfully, but did not fail to notice her hand rubbing lightly over his chest a few times more than was necessary. He covered her hand with his and held it in place. ''I'm so happy you agreed to this trip.''

''Are you kidding? This has been the best week of my life.'' She looked up and smiled.

''The best?'' he asked seriously, his eyes still focused on her. ''There is still one more thing that would need to happen before I could say that myself.''

''Oh? And what is that?'' she asked, trying to figure out what was he talking about. They had just spent the most beautiful 6 days in a tropical paradise, with no interruptions from the outside world. It had been heaven on earth...and he was still missing something?

Grinning at her worried expression, he turned to lie on his side and ran his fingers from her waist up to her face, cupping her cheek.

''This...'' he whispered sweetly, tracing his thumb over her cheek before slowly covering her lips with his. It was soft, tender…it was home. And all Anna could do at that point was to slip one of her hands around his head, resting her palm on the nape of his neck and pulling him closer.

He definitely knew what was he doing, and maybe it was because he had been away for so long, but this kiss was even better than all the other wonderful kisses they had shared before. She lost herself in his peppermint breath and soft lips, his own scent mixed with sunbathing cream invading her nostrils, his strong arms holding her close, making her feel safe and loved.

He gently pushed her back against the pillows, his lips still locked with hers, with no intention of ending the contact. His hand skimmed down her body, stopping at the side of her breast. He felt a string under his fingers, and could not help but chuckle.

''Wh…what?'' she whispered breathlessly, when his laughter forced him away from her lips.

''You're wearing that sexy bikini I've been hearing about all week, aren't you?''

The truth was that no matter how many times John had told her to wear it, it still had not felt right to Anna. So at the beginning of the week, she had driven herself into town and bought herself another frumpy swimsuit, as Jane would have described it, and worn it throughout their stay.

Biting her lower lip and blushing slightly, she replied, ''I am.''

''Is there any chance I can finally see it?'' he growled, making another hot shiver go down her spine.

''Come on,'' he coaxed with a grin, and she gave him a cheeky nod. Taking her hand in his, he helped her up, and pulled her with him toward the terrace, completely forgetting about the food he had packed in the picnic basket.

Unbuttoning his summer shirt, he tossed it onto the chair near the pool and quickly jumped in. Swimming to the surface, he turned to see her still standing shyly by the pool stairs. ''Coming or not?''

''Give me a minute,'' she replied, slowly pulling her dress over her head. John's heart stopped for a split second when his eyes rested on her. The only thing barely covering her tanned body was a skimpy white bikini, and John finally understood why she had felt so uncertain about wearing it. It had been a long time since he had last seen her wearing so little.

During his months away, no matter how hard he had fought to hold onto them, his mind had slowly started to blur his previously vivid memories of her body. He had spent countless sleepless nights lying in his bed in Scotland, trying to remember, but he had remembered less with each day that passed. It was as if his brain had blocked that part of his memory, in order to protect him from the pain and feelings of loss.

But seeing her again like this, half-naked just a few metres away from him, brought all the memories and emotions back - how her body had felt under his, her voice in his hair, her arms and legs wrapped around him, pinning him down, her nails deep in his flesh, both of their bodies moving together in perfect harmony. Everything he had tried to remember for so long had returned, painting clear images in his mind.

''Are you OK?'' she asked shyly, when she saw his mouth hanging open.

''You're kidding, right?'' he forced the words out. She was absolutely gorgeous, and all he wanted was to hold her, kiss her, show her how much he had missed her during the months they had been apart. ''You are…you are…''

''Yes?'' She was kind of enjoying seeing him speechless. Leaning on the rail of the stairs, she stared at him, biting the inside of her cheek.

''Anna, can you please come into the water?'' he begged, and took a few steps toward her.

''Why don't you come and get me?'' she teased, seeing him inch closer to her.

''All right, but when I do, I won't let go.'' He swam to the stairs and stood up to pull her into the water, but she was quicker. She jumped away, laughing, and started to run to the other side of the pool.

''Anna!'' he called her playfully, but she kept running. All he could do was to run after her. They spent the next few minutes running up and down the terrace until John finally caught up with her, grabbed her by her waist, and pulled her flat against him.

''No, no - let go!'' she squealed, giggling. She tried to shrug out of his embrace, but he was too strong.

''Don't you dare! Don't you dare!'' she laughed, when he picked her up and turned to the pool. ''Jooohn!'' she shrieked, just before he jumped into the water with her safely in his arms.

They landed in the warm water, and she quickly swam to the surface.

''You idiot!'' she laughed, pushing her wet hair out of her face, and saw that he was swimming toward her.

''Yes, but I'm _your_ idiot!'' he laughed back, catching her by the hips and pulling her close.

''You are,'' Anna said, locking her arms around his neck. She couldn't touch the bottom of the pool so she wrapped her legs around John's body, and he didn't mind one bit. He looked adorable to her, with his wet hair hanging over his forehead, a beaming smile on his face, and the brightest sparkle in his eyes.

''What?'' she asked, when she finally stopped giggling and saw him staring at her.

''You are so beautiful, you know that?'' he whispered, and spread one hand on her back and used the other to move a strand of wet hair away from her face. ''So, so beautiful.''

''John…'' She took a deep breath, but he silenced her by placing a finger over her lips.

''Anna, shhh,'' he whispered, tightening his hold on her waist. He lowered his head and placed a gentle, wet kiss on her neck, making her forget everything but the rush running through her body. She tilted her head, giving him the space to continue what he had started. As slowly as possible, he made his way from her neck down to the hollow of her throat, toward her collarbone, and ended between her breasts, lightly sucking on the skin he found there.

Anna closed her eyes, enjoying the way he was making her feel. Running her fingers through his dark locks and slowly getting used to his beard brushing against her tender skin, she found herself smiling gently as he moaned against her body.

''John?'' she called softly. He continued to kiss her silently. ''John?'' she repeated.

''Yes?'' he finally managed to respond, but now she was silent. What he was doing to her was sweet torture, and she prayed it would never end. He could feel her legs tighten around his waist even more and, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, he slowly made his way up her neck, wanting to look her in the eye.

''Open your eyes, Anna,'' he said, and slowly she responded.

''How was that?'' he asked, smiling, sensing exactly how good he had made her feel.

She took a deep breath. ''I think you should shave,'' she said, making both of them burst into laughter. She loved the new look on him, but at the same time she missed the feeling of his clean-shaven skin brushing against hers. She held onto him as he slowly waded to the edge of the pool, still laughing at her comment.

''I thought that you liked the beard on me?'' he teased, pressing her against the wall of the pool, his face just a few inches from hers.

''I did...I mean, I do...but…'' she began, but he didn't give her a chance to finish, interrupting her with a gentle kiss.

He didn't mind losing the beard; despite everything that had happened, he would still do anything she asked. He had given her everything once, and he was prepared to do it again, even if he was risking getting hurt again. Maybe he was a fool, but he was very much a fool in love.

''I'll shave tomorrow,'' he whispered against her lips.

''You don't need to if you don't want to,'' she replied, playing with his wet hair. She had thought - hoped - that they would at least have an innocent cuddle before heading back home, but this was so much better. She smiled. ''I don't know about you, but I think this second first kiss ended much, much better than our first one.''

''Well, let me see...'' He pretended to think. ''There is no Thomas or Phyllis to be jealous over this time, no running away, no one getting fired, and definitely no George lurking at the window… Yes, I think you're right,'' he laughed, with her soon joining in. ''Even our outfits are much, much more…'' His gaze travelled down her body, pausing at her breasts.

''Much more...what?'' she chuckled, feeling his eyes on her and his palms making small circles along her sides.

''More...revealing.''

''Oh, really?'' Her hands left the back of his neck and came to rest on his chest.

''Really,'' he said, looking up again and seeing her smile.

''Do you mind?'' she teased.

''No, not one bit,'' he replied, grinning, and added, ''I see that you still have the bellybutton piercing you got in York. Didn't you say you hated it?'' He knew how upset she had been when she'd discovered it the morning after her dad's birthday party, but for some reason he'd found it sexy.

''I did, but I know how much you love it, so I put the stud back in before we came here.''

''I do...don't ask me why, but I really do love it,'' he whispered, and once again covered her lips with his. She moaned when he slid his tongue gently over her lips, asking for permission to explore her mouth, which she granted immediately.

They spent the next few minutes tasting each other and letting their bodies get used to one other again, not thinking about or caring what their second first kiss might lead to. Maybe it was too soon, maybe they still had some things to talk over, but at this moment, none of that mattered. Maybe Jane had been right - maybe sex could help them work some things out.

''Your room or m-…'' he asked, when he broke the kiss to catch his breath. He hadn't been planning for this to happen, but he had missed her so much - her body, her soul, the way she made him feel like he was the only man in the world. He had simply missed _her_.

''Are you sure?'' She rested her head against his, trying to breathe normally again.

''I don't know,'' he admitted. ''But I think we need to do this...I _want_ to do this.''

Taking a few breaths, Anna looked him in the eye and said, ''Yours. Mine is closer to Gracie's, and I don't want her to hear us.'' When they had arrived in Hawaii, they had decided not to share a bedroom, wanting to give themselves some time and space to be alone, to process all the feelings, but when she looked into his eyes, she knew he was right. Since he had returned, something had been missing when they were together. Maybe sleeping together wasn't such a bad idea.

''OK,'' he whispered, smiling, and with her still in his embrace, he walked up the steps and out of the pool, into the house, and upstairs to his room. Kicking the door open, he carried her in, locking the door behind them, and lowered both of them onto the bed. They couldn't stop giggling, neither of them able to contain their giddy excitement.

But the passionate night that had played in their minds repeatedly over the last few days would not turn out the way they had planned.

* * *

 **BETA: the FABULOUS annambates! :)*** HVALA**

 **Did you miss us?...just a little bit maybe? ;) thank you for R &RF&F&PM! :)**


	38. Težava

**Chapter XXXVIII**

''John, it's all right. These things happen...'' Anna said soothingly.

''Not to me!'' he exclaimed, sitting on the bed with his back to her, his lower half covered with the sheet.

''John...'' she called him again softly, moving closer. She knew him so well, and knew that he was blaming himself.

''I'm sorry, Anna,'' he apologised for the fourth time. He lowered his head, reluctant to meet her eyes. Everything had been going so well...their second first kiss on the beach, kissing in the pool, making out like crazy on his bed - his hands and lips all over her body, her soft moans of excitement getting lost in his mouth - and she had wanted him as much as he had wanted her. Maybe they should have slowed down, but they had not wanted to. Before they'd realized it, her bikini had fallen to the floor, his swim trunks soon following. Their desire had overwhelmed them, instinct had taken over, and it had felt just like the good old times. He had felt like he was about to explode but then, just as he'd been about to join them together, something had happened that he had never experienced, even when dead drunk with Vera - his body had just decided to stop cooperating.

''I told you - it's OK. Please don't feel bad…''

''Don't feel bad?'' John finally turned and looked at her. ''How can I _not_ feel bad?''

''It's all right…'' she said softly.

''No, it's not! We should be making love right now, but we aren't, because for some reason my body isn't working the way it's supposed to!'' he snapped, but immediately paused when he saw her expression.

''I'm sorry,'' he exhaled, and moved his gaze away from her again. ''I'm not mad at _you_.''

Anna knelt behind him, locking her hands around him and burying her fingers in his chest hair. She placed a feathery kiss on his shoulder before resting her head there. They sat like that in silence for a few minutes. He was angry with himself - first, for snapping at her and second, for not being able to perform. And she didn't know what to say to him to help him feel better.

''Maybe it's my fault,'' she finally whispered, making his heart stop for a second.

''What?!'' He turned and looked at her again.

''I mean…maybe, after everything I put you through, you don't find me attractive any more, and…'' she began.

''No, no, no, Anna - stop right there,'' he interrupted, turning his whole upper body to face her and taking her hands in his. ''My god, this is not your fault!'' he continued. ''You are the most beautiful, the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life, and there hasn't been a single second since I've met you that I haven't found you attractive.''

''Are you sure? Because after everything…''

''No. Listen, I have no idea what happened to me tonight, but this is not your fault by any stretch. I want you; I've always wanted you. Never doubt that. It's just…'' he exhaled and lowered his gaze, then looked away sadly.

''Come here,'' she said and pulled him back down onto the mattress with her. She wrapped her arm around his middle, snuggling up against him.

''I'm sorry,'' he repeated, after a few silent minutes spent staring at the ceiling.

''John, it's OK - please stop brooding.''

''I can't.'' He looked at her and covered her hand with his, sighing. Maybe it was his male pride, maybe it was the intense disappointment after so many months, but he could not get it out of his head.

''You should,'' she said firmly. ''You know I don't have a lot of experience, but I do know that these things happen. We've been through a lot of stress over the past few months, and it's really not surprising that our bodies are all messed up.''

''Maybe you're right,'' he considered, realising that she had a point...then paused, a chill travelling through him. ''What do you mean _our_ bodies?'' he asked. ''Is something wrong?''

''Don't worry, I'm all right.'' She smiled at his concern, wondering whether he could be any more adorable. ''I am. I'm fine,'' she reassured him, but his expression told her that he sensed she was holding something back.

''Anna...''

''It's nothing, really…it's just...my period has been really irregular for the last few months. Nothing for you to worry about,'' she explained, blushing slightly.

''Well, that can't be normal,'' John frowned. ''What did the doctor say?''

''I don't need the doctor to tell me what I already know.'' She pulled back a little so that she could look at him properly. ''I already told you, we've been through a lot, and you can't blame our bodies for rebelling against us in some way.''

''I just wish it could have rebelled on some other part of me,'' he said wryly. He turned onto his side to face her, and saw that she was giggling at his statement. ''It's not funny, Anna!'' he protested weakly as he pushed her down and covered her body with his, trying not to smile at her obvious mirth.

''No, it's not funny,'' she agreed, shaking her head, but she couldn't stop laughing. ''It's a good thing I fell in love with your mind, too, and not just with your body.'' She ran her hand playfully over his solid abs, hoping that he wouldn't be upset about her joking about such a serious matter.

''You like it, don't you?'' he teased, feeling her fingers grazing over his body. He had been wondering how long it would take before she would say something about him being fitter.

''Like what?'' she replied innocently, while slowly moving her hand down his back.

''Don't play that game. I've seen you staring at me all week,'' he chuckled, well aware that she had been checking him out every time he'd had his shirt off.

''I have no idea what you're talking about,'' she giggled, her hand finally reaching its destination and lightly squeezing one of his buttocks.

''Yeah, right.'' He nodded and kissed her softly. Her hands locked around his neck and it took him no time to move the sheets between them aside, pressing his body flat against hers. Pulling away from her mouth, he left a trail of kisses from her throat to her breasts, eliciting a soft gasp from her as her eyes drifted shut. As his tongue caressed her nipple, she arched up to meet his touch. And maybe it was the way she was moving or the moan that left her lips as his tongue stroked her more firmly, but John could feel himself starting to respond to her again.

''Anna...'' he whispered.

''I know.'' She opened her eyes, and saw his proud grin. Moving up from her breast, he locked eyes with hers, and just as he was about to respond, Anna wrapped her fingers around him, making him groan in pleasure. ''Welcome back, Mr. Bates,'' she whispered.

God, how he had missed her calling him that as they made love. ''It's nice to back,'' he whispered, kissing her lips and lowering his hand under her knee, encouraging her to wrap her leg around his waist.

''Easssy...'' he hissed, feeling her increase the pressure on him. ''I don't think my ego would survive another embarrassment.''

''Just relax and kiss me.'' She sucked on his earlobe, making his pulse race, just before he found her lips with his. Everything went quickly after that. Every part of their bodies was doing exactly what it was supposed to - their hands roaming, his fingers stroking all of her weak spots, their mouths caressing each other's skin and leaving love marks. Their lovemaking had always felt amazing, but this felt even more intense than usual. Rolling him onto his back, Anna laced their fingers together, resting them on either side of John's head. She felt him pressed against her stomach, and her breath quickened in anticipation.

''Anna, please...'' he pleaded, eyes closed, as she rolled her hips slowly against him.

''Please what?'' she asked with a mischievous grin, still pinning him down, making him beg for more. They both knew that he could easily take control if he wanted to - she was as light as a feather - but he didn't. Having her on top of him, taking matters into her own hands, only made him want her more.

''Annaaaa…'' he moaned, finally opening his eyes and seeing the darkness in hers. She lowered herself and shared a long, deep kiss with him, before she finally let go of his hands, using her own hands to steady herself, and then…

 **xXx**

''You mean…?'' Robert asked hesitantly, sitting opposite his friend. It had been a week since Anna, John, and Gracie had returned from their vacation, and John had finally decided that he needed to talk about his not-so-little problem with his best mate.

''Yes!'' John almost shouted in frustration. ''I was hard as a rock, and then…'' The moment Anna had guided him to meet her, once again his body had failed him.

''OK, OK, spare me the details...I think I get it.'' Robert stopped him, glancing at his office door to make sure it was completely closed. Yes, John was his best friend, but it was still difficult for him to talk about these kinds of subjects with him...or with anybody, for that matter.

''No, Robert, I don't think you do.'' John shook his head, leaning back in the leather chair. No matter how many times Anna had reassured him that he shouldn't blame himself for what had happened, he could not stop thinking about it.

''She makes me crazy every time I look at her! I love her...I want to be with her. For god's sake, I spent almost 5 months in the middle of nowhere, dreaming about making love to her, and now when I finally have the chance to do it…'' he exhaled, furious with himself. ''Has anything like this ever happened to you?'' he asked, desperately hoping that he wasn't alone in this.

''Well...'' Robert pondered. ''I mean, the job gets pretty stressful so, yeah, sometimes I'm just too tired to...'' he confessed. ''Plus you're not getting any younger, so…'' But his attempt at a joke fell flat.

''Robert, come on, I'm serious here,'' John interrupted. ''I'm not taking about having problems getting it up, OK? I can do that, but when the time comes to, you know…'' He stared back at his best friend, unsure of how to explain it.

''OK, John, just calm down, all right?'' Robert said quickly, realizing that John was getting even more upset than he had been when he arrived. ''I have no idea why these things happen, but they do...even to the best of us.'' He chuckled, trying - but failing - to lighten the mood.

''Robert…'' John warned.

''All right, all right. What does Anna think about your...ummm...problem?'' he asked carefully.

''That I shouldn't worry about it. She thinks this whole thing has got something to do with stress, and I know she has a point - we've been through a lot - but still...'' John replied. He knew he had promised her a long time ago that he would not discuss their sex life with anyone else, but for him this was an emergency.

''You see? I told you - you have nothing to worry about. If she isn't freaking out, you shouldn't, either.''

''I don't know...'' John began, as a knock sounded on the door.

''Come in...'' Robert cleared his throat and sat up straighter.

''Hi!'' Anna smiled at them as she walked into the room. Even though their last night in Hawaii had not turned out the way they had hoped, she had not been able to stop smiling since they had returned. She was happy just knowing that they were both committed to working things out. The only thing that was really bothering her at the moment was the fact that Green was still nowhere to be found, even though the police had promised that they were leaving no stone unturned in their search for him.

''Ready?'' She turned to John, who was still seated.

''Are you all finished for today?'' John stood up and smiled.

''I'm all yours,'' she grinned.

''Any special plans for tonight?'' Robert asked.

''Not really, just a quiet night in.'' John took Anna's hand in his. ''We're picking up Gracie from her swimming lesson first, then having dinner together at Anna's.''

''Lucky you,'' Robert huffed, turning off his computer before getting up. ''I would give anything for a quiet night.''

''What do you mean?'' Anna asked.

''Cora's mother is in town, and they are having a big family dinner at theirs,'' John explained.

''Oh, that sounds fun!''

''Not when you seat my mother-in-law and my darling Mama at the same table. Tonight is going to be brutal,'' Robert said.

''Just have separate dining rooms and you'll be all right,'' John teased, well aware of how Martha Levinson and Violet Crawley clashed whenever they were in the same room.

''Very funny, John.'' Robert rolled his eyes, walking past them to the door. ''Wish me luck!'' he sighed, before leaving them alone in his office.

''They can't be that bad, can they?'' Anna asked.

''You have no idea,'' John replied, chuckling as he remembered Robert and Cora's wedding, when both mothers had spent the whole evening sniping at each other. ''But let's not talk about them, all right?'' He turned to her and placed a slow, tender kiss on her lips.

''What was that for?'' she asked dreamily, when he moved away and pulled her toward the door.

''I don't know.'' He shrugged his shoulders, smiling, but Anna could see that something was off.

''Are you all right?'' She tugged his hand, making him stop.

''Sure, why shouldn't I be?''

''I don't know...you look worried,'' she replied softly, but she sensed what might be bothering him. She had seen his face that night, when he had realised it had happened again. He had been so embarrassed that it had even taken her some effort to convince him to stay and sleep in the same bed with her that night. It broke her heart knowing how frustrated he still felt about it.

''No, I'm all right.'' He smiled shakily, knowing that he most likely wasn't fooling her. ''Come on, we need to go or we'll be late picking up Gracie.'' He really didn't want to start a conversation that he knew would just make him feel worse.

''Yes, let's go.'' She decided to let it go for the moment, but was determined to continue the conversation after Gracie went to bed.

 **xXx**

Gracie had begged them to let her try some swimming lessons when they had returned to the city, and neither Anna nor John had had the heart to say no to her. Today's lesson had been her first, so they both knew what the topic of conversation would be during their dinner tonight.

John had insisted on cooking for them, just like old times, and was excited to share some news. When he had returned from Scotland, his old job at Gracie's school had already been filled, so he had spent the days following Green's disappearance going around the city, applying and interviewing for all kinds of jobs that involved working with children. He'd had no luck, until he had checked his email after they'd returned from Hawaii. An old friend of his had offered him a position as a counsellor at a private school, and John had been planning to share his news with Anna during dinner.

''So I got the counselling job I was telling you about,'' he announced, after Gracie had finally stopped talking about her swimming lesson.

''What?'' Anna lowered her fork and smiled. ''Why didn't you tell me earlier? Come here!'' She leaned closer and gave him a kiss. ''Congratulations!''

''Thank you,'' he beamed, glad she was so pleased.

''When do you start?''

''On Monday.''

''What are you going to do?'' Gracie asked, her eyelids already drooping after her long, tiring day.

''Help kids who have problems in school,'' John explained to her simply, putting their plates into the sink.

''Like you when you help me do my homework?''

''Something like that, yes,'' he replied, and couldn't help but chuckle when he saw her yawn. The poor little thing was tired from swimming, and he knew she would be asleep the moment her head touched the pillow.

''Come on, young lady,'' Anna said. ''It's bedtime.''

''Do I really have to?'' she asked, as she tried unsuccessfully to hold back another yawn. John and Anna laughed.

''Yes, you do. Let's go get you ready and I'll tuck you in.''

''All right. Come on, Joy!'' she called the dog, who was lying patiently by her feet, before standing up and making her way upstairs, with Anna following behind them.

Fifteen minutes later, Anna returned to the kitchen. John was still at the sink, finishing the dishes. Anna closed the door softly and locked it behind her.

''Need any help?''

''No,'' he turned to look at her and smiled. ''It's all done.'' He dried his hands on a towel.

''Thank you.'' She approached him, smiling, and slipped her arms around his middle.

''You know that I don't mind washing up, and…'' he began, but without warning, she closed the gap between them, placing a soft, lingering kiss on his lips, silently asking for permission to deepen it.

''What was that for?'' he asked, gasping for breath, when she finally pulled away from him, her eyes sparkling.

''For getting the job,'' she giggled, lowering herself down from her tiptoes. ''And in hopes of persuading you to stay the night.'' Since they had been back, John had somehow managed to find excuses to not spend the night at hers.

''Anna...'' he exhaled, letting go of her and leaning back against the counter. ''I don't think it would be a good idea.''

''Why not? Don't you want to fall asleep with me in your arms?'' she asked carefully, knowing that he was still upset about what had happened on their last night in Hawaii.

''I would like that very much, but…''

''But what?'' she interrupted, stepping in front of him.

''I'm afraid,'' he almost whispered.

''Afraid of what?''

''You know what,'' he replied. ''I don't want to disappoint you again.''

''John, look at me.'' She cupped his face with both of her hands, forcing him to look up. ''You have to stop thinking about that night.''

''But…''

''No.'' She shook her head. ''I know why you're upset, but you really don't need to be.''

''How can you say that after what happened?'' he replied. He tried to turn away, but she wouldn't let him, so he lowered his gaze.

''John Bates, look at me.'' She waited until his eyes met hers. ''I love you for many reasons, not just because you make me feel unbelievably good when we make love...''

''That's the whole point, Anna. I'm afraid I'll never be able to make you feel that way again,'' he protested.

''It's only happened once…''

''Twice, actually…''

''Listen to me,'' she interrupted, anxious for him to stop overthinking the situation. ''I don't want you to waste your time brooding about this. You are only human, and these things happen sometimes, whether you like it or not.''

''I know they do. I get that,'' he exhaled. ''It's just…I want to be with you so badly, but at the same time I'm terrified about the possibility of…''

''Kiss me,'' she interrupted him, knowing that she needed to force him to stop thinking.

''What?'' He looked at her, surprised.

''Kiss me,'' she repeated. Her hands left his face and found their way around him, tugging his shirt from his jeans with practiced ease.

''Anna, what are you doing?'' He felt her warm palms spread across the muscles of his back and the heat in her gaze.

''Kiss me!'' she said once again.

She slid his shirt over his head, leaving him standing bare-chested in the middle of the kitchen. After that she stepped away from him, and before he could respond she had pulled her own top off.

''Anna, what are you doing?'' he whispered again, watching her slowly lower the zip of her jeans, unable to keep his body from responding.

''Kiss me,'' she repeated, this time biting her lower lip in the way she knew drove him crazy.

''Anna, we have a 7 year old sleeping upstairs,'' he faltered, hoping to slow down the proceedings.

''Why don't you come here and stop me then?'' she whispered with a smirk. She had finally finished removing her jeans, and was standing in front of him wearing only her wine-red lace bra and knickers, making his breath hitch as he took in her figure.

''Anna….'' he hissed, fighting with himself over whether to lift her onto the counter and make love to her right there…or at least try to. ''Please don't…''

''I said _kiss me_ ,'' she demanded, and took a step closer. ''I can see you want to,'' she purred, lowering her gaze down his body.

''I want a lot more than to just kiss you,'' he admitted, glued to his spot by the sink...afraid to move, afraid of starting something he wasn't sure he would be able to finish.

''Tell me...''

''What?'' His eyes almost fell out of his head, when he saw her hand slowly making a path down her body toward her knickers. Who was this woman standing in front of him? The last time she had acted this boldly was when she had pushed him into the toilet on the plane to Dublin, and demanded him right there and then.

''Tell me what you want to do to me...'' she whispered, closing her eyes as her fingers reached the lacy hem of her knickers and she slowly stroked herself in the spot he ached for.

He knew that he should stop her before anything could go wrong. They were standing in the middle of her kitchen, practically naked, and he knew that Gracie could wake up and come downstairs, only to find the kitchen door locked and Anna with her hand inside her knickers, touching herself. But he just could not bring himself to stop her.

''John, talk to me,'' he heard her say, her eyes still closed.

''Tell me what you want...'' she begged, concentrating on her own touch.

For god's sake! John thought to himself, and finally moved toward her cautiously. Pausing just in front of her, he stared, but still couldn't do anything to stop her.

Taking a few deep breaths, he began, ''I want to kiss you, all of you.'' He moved his head closer to hers, so she could feel his warm breath on her cheeks. ''I want to take you in my arms and show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me.''

''Go on,'' she encouraged him, her eyes still closed.

''I want to touch you...make you feel everything and more.'' He felt himself harden just thinking about it, and groaned. Should he give in and take the risk? But what if he failed her again?

She could sense his hesitation, so she opened her eyes and finally looked at him. ''Show me,'' she whispered, and before he could protest, Anna had pulled his hand inside her knickers in place of her own.

''Oh, my god...'' John hissed, when his fingers came in contact with her slick folds. How in the world could he be so lucky as to call this beautiful, desirable woman his?

''You're so wet,'' he rasped, before increasing the pressure of his touch, causing her to moan into his ear. ''Is this OK?''

''Mhhhm...'' she smiled weakly, and finally locked one of her hands around his neck, desperately needing to steady herself as she gave in to the sensation of his fingers tracing small circles around her centre. ''John?'' she managed to find her voice after a few seconds of complete silence.

''Yes?'' He watched her intently for signs that what was he doing felt good to her.

''Would you plea-…ahhh...'' she interrupted herself as the first wave of pleasure overtook her. She leaned closer to him, standing onto her tiptoes so she could press herself into his touch.

''What?'' he smiled and used his free hand to hold on to her, knowing that any moment now her legs would be too weak to support her.

''Please...ohhh...'' She buried her face into his chest, unable to finish her question. ''…ki-kiss me, please...'' she begged, and something in her voice made John lose all control and cover her lips with his, forgetting his fear. They lost no time deepening the kiss. Their tongues caressed each other with familiar ease and just as she was about to cry his name, John felt her hand tugging on his, pulling it away from her.

''Why did you stop me?'' He pulled away from her kiss and looked at her flushed face.

''Because...'' she inhaled sharply, ''…because I want to do this properly. I want you inside of me, _Mr. Bates_.'' She saw his eyes darken, and hoped that he wouldn't move away from her in fear. She could not have been more wrong. With one quick move, he placed both of his palms under her buttocks and, before she knew it, her legs were wrapped tightly around his hips and she could feel his erection straining through the thin layer of his clothes.

Turning both of them around, he sat her on the kitchen counter and, as they kissed, quickly pulled her knickers down her legs and let them fall to the floor. He felt her fingers unbuckling his belt and moved his hands to her back, unclipping her bra and tossing it to the other side of the kitchen.

''You are so beautiful,'' he managed to say as she pushed him back, pulling both his jeans and boxers down.

''Come here,'' she moaned, placing a hand around his neck and pulling him back to her, locking her legs around him and gasping as his hardness pressed against her.

They spent another few moments kissing, trying not to be too loud. Even though Anna had locked the kitchen door, the walls were thin, and they did not want to have to stop what they were doing. Even if Gracie didn't hear them, there was a good chance that Joy might. It would only take one loud cry or moan to wake the dog and start her barking.

John's chest was firmly pressed against her breasts and he could feel her taut nipples. Lowering his head, he took one into his mouth and sucked on it lightly, causing Anna's breath to quicken. His tongue was magic on her body, and she loved his slow and tender attention to her breasts.

When she could not take his teasing anymore, she pulled him up again, trailing her free hand down his body and taking him into her warm palm. He groaned into her mouth.

''Anna…'' he hissed in pleasure as she stroked him.

''Relax,'' she answered, and slowly moved him to her entrance. ''I love you, John. I love that we're here, together, and I'll always love you,'' she said soothingly, hoping to keep his anxiety at bay. ''OK?''

''Yes.'' He closed his eyes and, resting his forehead against hers, let her take the lead, trying to clear his mind and not worry. He could feel her legs let go of him slightly to allow some space between them, so that she could guide him inside of her. He was so close that he could feel her heat on his skin. But at the very moment their bodies touched, they both knew that it wasn't going to happen for them tonight, either.

''Fuck!'' she heard him groan in frustration, when he realized what had just occurred again. ''For fuck's sake!'' He dropped his head onto her shoulder and pushed her hand away.

''John...'' she began, but he cut her off.

''Anna, please don't.'' He couldn't bear to have her try to make him feel better. Stepping away from her, he pulled his boxers and jeans up and reached for his shirt, draping it around her shoulders. Without saying another word, he unlocked the door and walked upstairs, leaving Anna sitting on the counter. She watched his retreating figure, tears in her eyes. She had no idea why this had happened to him again, but she knew that she wanted to help him. Lowering herself onto the floor, she dressed quickly and followed him, hoping that she could get him to talk to her.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she could hear the shower running. Knocking on the bathroom door, she called, ''John?'' Silence. ''John, please talk to me.'' She leaned against the doorframe. ''At least tell me you're all right,'' she said, desperate to get some kind of response from him.

''I'll be right out,'' she finally heard him say. ''Just go to bed, Anna.''

She wanted to say more, but she knew him. When he was like this, he needed some time alone to process everything before he'd be able to talk.

''I'll wait for you, all right?'' she called as gently she could, before moving away from the door and walking to her bedroom.

Behind the locked door, John slowly slid down the cold tiles until he was sitting on the floor of the shower, hot water running over his body, tears streaming down his face as he wept silently. Despite his hope that what had happened in Hawaii had only been due to stress, after tonight he knew for sure that he had a more serious problem.

* * *

 **BETA: the wonderful annambates!! :D**

 **thanks for reading and please review if you have some time! :D**


	39. Dr C

**Chapter XXXIX**

It was still dark outside when Anna woke the following morning. Opening her eyes slowly, she could see John's side of the bed was empty and fully made. He definitely hadn't spent the night next to her, she thought. Standing up, she realized she was still wearing his shirt from the night before, and decided to put on a dressing gown before going downstairs to look for him. Tiptoeing past Gracie's bedroom, she walked down the stairs and found him in the armchair in the sitting room, sitting in almost complete darkness.

''John?'' she called gently, as she stepped into the room.

He turned to look in her direction, and she could see that he had been crying. She stood by the door, barefoot, watching him quietly, not sure what to do. She knew she wanted to talk to him, but after he had snapped at her the previous night, she didn't want to upset him even more.

Silently he extended his hand toward her, hoping that she would take it. He felt terrible for the way he had acted before storming out of the kitchen the night before. She had already fallen asleep when he had finally come out of the bathroom, and he hadn't wanted to wake her, so he'd spent most of the night brooding in her sitting room, feeling lost and alone. Thankfully Anna walked over and took his hand, and he pulled her gently into his lap. She caressed the nape of his neck, still not saying a word.

''I'm sorry,'' he finally whispered, when she rested her forehead against his. ''Sorry I snapped at you.'' His voice cracked.

''Shhhhh...'' she whispered. ''It's all right.'' She might not have liked the way he had reacted, but she wasn't angry with him.

''No, it's not,'' he said, shaking his head. ''I did it again - I ran when I should have stayed and talked to you.'' He was frustrated and upset with himself for a number of reasons, but what bothered him the most was the fact that once again he had walked away.

''I did want to talk last night. But we can talk now, if you'd like,'' she said, running her fingers through his hair.

''I'm scared,'' he admitted, after a few moments of silence. ''I have no idea what's happening to me, and I know I sound like a fool, but…'' He exhaled, feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes. ''I love you, Anna. I want to be with you, and I can't think of any reason for what's happening to me.''

''You're a not a fool, John,'' Anna said. It hurt to see him feeling so vulnerable, so unsure of himself. ''But if you don't know why this is happening, maybe you should see someone about it.''

''What do you mean?'' He pulled back slightly to look at her.

''You say you have no idea what's causing this, right?''

''Yes.''

''So maybe there is someone out there who could help you figure out what's going on.''

''You mean a doctor?''

''Yes,'' she nodded. ''I know you don't like to talk about your problems with other people, especially with people you're not really close to, but…''

He knew she was right. Something was definitely wrong. He didn't know what, but he needed to do something before he completely lost his mind…and his confidence.

''OK,'' he said at last. ''I'll stop by Dr. Clarkson's surgery later today.'' His hands already felt clammy, just thinking about trying to explain his problem to the doctor. ''But…''

''What?''

''Will you go with me?'' he asked nervously. This whole thing had really shaken him, and what scared him the most was that he had no idea what was wrong or how to fix it.

''Of course I will, if you want me to.''

''I do,'' he said, relieved that she was willing to support him, rather than heap blame on him as Vera would have, had this happened when they were together.

''Thank you,'' he whispered shyly, and kissed her cheek.

''Always.'' She smiled. ''But if you really want to thank me, please come back to bed and warm my feet. I'm freezing.'' She giggled, imagining using his feet to warm hers. She hoped he felt a little better after having talked about his worries.

''Well, we can't have that, can we?'' He chuckled and immediately got to his feet with her still safely in his arms. He carried her back to bed, where they cuddled and waited together for the new day.

 **xXx**

''You are in the best shape of your life,'' Dr. Clarkson said, drying his hands on a towel. He turned to John, who was sitting on the examination bed, buttoning his shirt. After he had explained his problem, Clarkson had given him a complete check-up and, as he had expected, hadn't found a single thing wrong.

''Are you sure?'' John pressed, as he sat down in the armchair facing Clarkson's desk.

''Completely. You are as fit as you could possibly be for a man of your age,'' the doctor replied, making a note in John's chart.

''But…if you say there's nothing wrong with me, why on earth can't I…you know...?'' He shifted in his chair. He really hated talking about such personal matters, even though Clarkson had been his doctor for years, since he and his mother had moved to London.

''I said there is nothing wrong with you _physically_ , but…''

''But what?''

''Well, you say that you can get an erection when you are alone or with your partner, and you have no problem maintaining the erection until you attempt penetration, correct?''

''Yes.'' John admitted, his cheeks colouring. Despite his discomfort, however, he did feel a sense of relief talking about it with someone who understood what he was going through.

''And may I presume that when I say 'partner,' we are talking about the lovely Anna Smith?'' Dr. Richard Clarkson was married to Matthew Crawley's mother, and was a close friend of the Crawleys, as well as doctor both to him and to the entire Crawley family. Clarkson was aware of what John and Anna had been through during the last few months, and he hadn't been overly surprised to hear that things hadn't completely returned to normal for them yet.

''We are. She _is_ lovely, isn't she?" John smiled. "That's why I don't understand what could possibly be interfering with me making love with her. She is the most amazing and beautiful woman I have ever met, and I have never in my entire life loved someone the way I love her.''

''I don't think your problem has anything to do with not finding her attractive enough, John,'' Clarkson began.

''What do you mean?

''Look...I know you two have been through a great deal these past few months, and let's not pretend that I don't know how you reacted after your break-up,'' he said. ''I've been your doctor for the last 25 years, as well as your friend for much of that time, so I know your family medical history and much of your personal history, too. For example, I know that you would never abuse alcohol, unless you were so completely devastated by a situation that you could see no other escape.''

''Richard, what are you trying to say?'' John was beginning to feel even more on edge than he had when he'd arrived.

''From what you've told me, and knowing that there is nothing wrong with you physically, I can only presume the problem is psychological in nature.''

''So Anna was right...?'' John muttered to himself under his breath, but Clarkson still heard him.

''Right about what?''

''About stress. I mean, I know we went through hell with everything, and…''

''John, I'm not just talking about stress. Most of the world is dealing with stress.''

''What are you talking about, then?'' John frowned. If it wasn't stress, what could it possibly be?

''I'm not a psychiatrist, but I have seen many similar cases over the years, and my best guess as both your doctor and your friend is that you are suffering from secondary impotence.''

''What? What does that even mean?''

''It mostly happens to young, inexperienced men who are extremely anxious or even frightened when it comes to sexual intercourse...''

John cut him off, raising his voice in frustration. ''So...what - I'm a teenager again, all of a sudden?''

''No.'' Richard shook his head. ''When it occurs in men your age, it's mostly related to stress…''

''But you just said…''

''...stress _and_...relationship problems.'' Clarkson observed the change in his expression as John realized what the doctor seemed to be saying.

''Don't you dare imply that this is in any way Anna's fault...''

''Do you love her?''

''What kind of a question is that? Of course I do! I love her more than anything!''

''Do you trust her?''

''YES!'' John was on the verge of losing patience at this point. They had known each other for a long time, but what gave Clarkson the right to doubt his love, when John had never before loved anyone as much as he loved Anna?

''Do you trust her enough to believe with certainty that she won't leave you again?'' Clarkson knew he was walking on thin ice, but the moment this last question left his lips, he could see John hesitate.

''I…I…'' John wanted to say yes immediately, but for some reason he paused. It's not that he hadn't thought about it from time to time since they'd reconciled, but suddenly, when Clarkson had said the words out loud, something had clicked for him.

The day Anna had broken up with him had been the worst day of his life. His deepest, greatest fear was to be abandoned by the people who were supposed to be there and love him no matter what, and it had once again come true - first his father, then Vera…and then, despite his conviction that Anna was his soul mate and the love of his life, even she had pushed him away. They all could not have been more different from each other, but they'd all had that one thing in common - they had all left him without any warning.

''You don't, do you?''

''N-…no,'' he whispered, blinking back tears. For some reason, it felt good to finally admit out loud that he didn't trust her the way he had before. He had thought that he did, and maybe he had convinced himself on the surface, but deep down there was a small piece of his inner self that remained doubtful, and that apparently was preventing him from connecting with her on the most intimate level possible.

''John, listen...'' Richard said, when he saw the shock in his eyes. ''This doesn't mean that you don't love her the way you say you do. It only shows that you are trying to be strong, when in reality you shouldn't have to be. I don't know what happened between you two, not really, but I know you, John. And I know that you have always tried to blame yourself for all the bad things that have happened to you in the past.''

''So wh-…what I can do? I mean, how can I fix this?''

''You're not listening to me.'' Richard exhaled. ''You can't fix this alone. It's an emotional problem within your relationship, and the person who caused it is the person who has the power to help fix it.''

John just stared at him, at a complete loss for a response. Everything Dr. Clarkson had just told him made sense, but how could he look Anna in the eye and tell her that she was, in fact, the reason for his problem? How could he admit to her that he was afraid she would leave him again because she probably still didn't trust him not to leave her first? How could he do that, after he had reassured her repeatedly that he didn't blame her, even though what she'd done had almost destroyed him? How?

''Here.'' Richard handed him a business card. ''This is the number of one the best psychiatrists I know. She has worked with many men who've had similar problems. Ring her and tell her that I referred you. But before do you, I really advise that you talk with Anna. If you are going to get past this, you have to have an honest conversation with her, and you should have it before walking into this woman's office. Do you understand what I am trying to say?''

''Umm, yes...I think I do,'' John managed to respond before taking the card. ''Is that it?''

''Yes.''

''Thank you,'' he said and stood up. He took his jacket and, without saying anything more, walked out to the waiting room where Anna was sitting.

''So what did Dr. Clarkson say? I was right, wasn't I?'' She smiled, trying to lighten his mood, but the moment she looked into his eyes, she knew something was wrong.

''John?'' she asked, just before the four dreaded words left his mouth.

''We need to talk.''

* * *

 **BETA: annambates! :D thank you for this! :D**

 **so...they need to talk hmmmm :O :O...**

 **thank you for R &R! :D and I really need to say a big thank you to all ''guest reviewers'' I don't who they are but THANK YOU! :D**


	40. Oporoka

**Chapter XL**

''Do you really have to go?'' Gracie asked sadly, standing in the middle of the hall, watching as John looked at his reflection in the mirror in order to tie his necktie.

''I'm afraid I do, Munchkin. But I promise I'll be back before you know it.'' He was leaving the city for a four-day seminar in Birmingham, and as this was the first time he had gone away since his return, he knew what Gracie was worried about. ''I'll ring you every evening, all right?''

''You promise?'' She looked up, still not sure if he would really be back in four days as he said he would.

''Cross my heart,'' he said and ran his hand over his chest. ''I'll even bring you something, but only if you promise me that you'll be a good girl while I'm gone.'' He smiled, hoping to lighten her mood.

''Like a present?'' she asked hopefully.

Smiling at her, he let go of the tie and picked her up. ''Yes, a present...just for you.''

''How about Joy?'' she asked gravely, and he burst into laughter at her serious expression. ''Sure, I'll bring one for Joy, too.''

''How about me?'' Anna's voice made them both turn. ''Do I get anything?''

''Yes, you, too,'' he said with a chuckle, and set Gracie down. ''But only if you help me with this.'' He gestured toward the loose ends of his still untied tie.

''Let me see what I can do.'' She smiled and stepped in front of him. ''Gracie love, can you please get Joy ready? We are leaving to go to Aunt Cora's any minute.''

''OK,'' the little girl said before disappearing into the sitting room, where Joy was sleeping, leaving John and Anna alone.

It had been a week since John had explained to her what Dr. Clarkson told him. He had been scared to death to tell her that she was, in fact, the reason for his problem, but he'd known that he needed to be completely honest with her if they were to have a real future together.

 **xXx**

 _''_ _John, what's the matter?'' Anna asked, when he took her hand in his and silently pulled her out of Dr. Clarkson's waiting room and out of the building to the parking lot._

 _''_ _John...'' she raised her voice, but he kept walking toward the car._

 _''_ _John!'' She stopped in place and let go of his hand. ''What's going on?!'' The look on his face, when he had emerged from Clarkson's office, had really scared her, and his statement that they needed to talk had caused her imagination to run wild._

 _''_ _For god's sake, say something! You're scaring me.''_

 _He stood quietly in place, his back to her, trying to think of a way to tell her, but was having trouble finding the right words. How could he? Would she even believe him if he told her that he loved her, but didn't trust her? How could any kind of love work without trust?_

 _''_ _Ummm…'' He closed his eyes, holding back tears._

 _''_ _John...'' she said gently and placed her hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch at the contact. ''What did Dr. Clarkson say?'' She had never seen him this way. He looked both confused and frightened, and she couldn't read what was behind those emotions at all. She really wished he would say something._

 _''_ _I…I don't…'' he finally began._

 _''_ _You don't what?'' She frowned, still not knowing what he was trying to say._

 _''_ _I...don't trust you.'' He turned around to face her, and the tears he'd been trying to hold back finally spilled over. It tore his heart apart to say this, knowing the pain his words would cause her._

 _''_ _What?'' Anna froze. ''What are you talking about?''_

 _''_ _He asked me questions about you and me, about us…'' he blurted out. ''…and he said I don't trust you. But I DO, Anna, I DO trust you…it's just…'' His voice cracked. ''I'm scared, so very scared, but please believe me…''_

 _He still wasn't making any sense to her. All she could do was hold him. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. What in god's name had happened in that doctor's office, she asked herself, while he cried on her shoulder like a small child. Somehow she managed to unlock the car, and pulled him into the backseat with her, away from prying eyes._

 _It took him a while to calm down, before he was finally able to tell her everything Dr. Clarkson had said. And he could see the pain in her eyes, when he explained the reason for his problem._

 _''_ _Anna?'' John waited for her to say something...anything. ''Please say something.'' Was this it? Would this be the end of them? He was frightened at the thought of losing her, so soon after they had found each other again. He couldn't even imagine what he would do without her in his life. He had already tried to live without her, and it hadn't been pretty._

 _Her eyes were glued to the seat in front of her, trying to process everything he had just told her. Of course it had been a shock, but if anyone should be able to understand, she should. She knew how much she had hurt him, and she could never blame him for feeling this way, because she had once experienced that same pain of abandonment, too._

 _Since his return, he had told her repeatedly that he was OK, but she should have realized that he hadn't really worked through his feelings. He was still hurt, still uncertain of their relationship. Everything had fallen back into place so quickly between them. They had talked a number of times, but it had always been about her feelings, her fears, and her reasons for having pushed him away. He had been so considerate of her and Gracie's wellbeing that he had forgotten about himself. But that had to stop here and now - it was time for her to help him deal with his emotions, just as he had helped her._

 _''_ _I'm so sorry, John.'' She finally looked at him. ''I'm so, so sorry.'' A tear slipped down her cheek._

 _''_ _Hey, hey.'' He shifted closer to her, hoping that she wouldn't push him away...and she didn't._

 _''_ _I'm so sorry for pushing you so far.'' She apologized and let him pull her into his embrace._

 _''_ _No, no, Anna - it's OK…''_

 _''_ _But it's not, John.'' She shook her head. ''It's not OK. I know how much I hurt you, and it was foolish of me to believe that you could've forgiven me that easily for everything I'd done to you, to us.''_

 _''_ _Anna…'' he whispered, and looked at her. Her eyes were red, and it pained him to see her like this._

 _''_ _Please don't.'' She moved away from him and wiped at her tears. ''Don't try to make me feel better.''_

 _''_ _But…''_

 _''_ _No, John.'' She shook her head. ''Listen…'' she said, placing a palm on his chest. He had no idea what she was about to say, but he prayed that it wasn't what he feared it could be. ''…please don't try to make this easy for me, because I don't want you to. I hurt you very badly. I know that, and I do hope you know how sorry I am.''_

 _''_ _I do...''_

 _''And I completely understand why you would feel this way, OK?'' she reassured him, aware that he would find a way to blame himself, even though he wasn't at fault. He was always so gallant, always putting others' needs and wishes before his._

 _''This one is on me, and I'm going try to help you fix it. That is...if you want it to be fixed...'' she faltered._

 _''I should be the one asking you that, not the other way around,'' he replied, relieved. ''I love you, Anna. Even though I'm all messed up, you have to know that I love you more than anything.''_

 _''I know you do. You've proven that to me more than once.'' She cupped his cheek, and he closed his eyes at the contact. ''I love you so much, John.''_

 _''I know, and I love you, Anna darling,'' he replied, and opened his eyes to stare at her. Both of their cheeks were streaked with tears, but no matter how serious this was, somehow they could both feel that together they were going to get through this. ''And I do trust you, just…''_

 _''…not enough.'' She finished his sentence. ''But I'm here, and I'm not going to mess us up again, OK? I pushed you away once, but I'm not your father and I'm definitely not Vera. They didn't fight for you, but I will. And I don't care how much time this takes us, but I'm sure that in the end we will break another bed frame together.'' She laughed and he joined in._

 _He knew that she was upset - who wouldn't be? But she seemed to understand where he was coming from and wanted to work through it together, and he loved her even more for that._

 _''Give me the card, and I'll make the appointment,'' she added, and he silently pulled the card Dr. Clarkson had given him out of his pocket._

 _''Thank you, Anna...thank you for understanding.'' He had no words to adequately express how grateful he was for her support, and to know that she didn't blame him, as others in his past would have._

 _''Come here,'' she smiled. She ran her fingers through his hair gently before pulling him closer for a sweet, tender kiss mixed with both of their tears. They held each other quietly for a time, needing to share that closeness before heading home._

 **xXx**

''Please ring me when you arrive at the hotel, or else I'll worry, OK?'' Anna said, not taking her eyes away from her task. She knew that John could tie it himself, and do a much better job, but she liked doing it - it gave her yet another reason to touch him.

''You know I will.'' He smiled down at her. She was wearing only socks on her feet, which accentuated their height difference even more than usual.

''You'd better, or you will have to answer to Gracie,'' she warned him playfully. ''All done.'' She straightened his tie one more time, before resting her palms on his chest.

''Thank you.'' He wrapped his arms around her waist. Now that the reason for his problem was out in the open, no matter how serious it was, they felt more relaxed when they were in each other's company. She could still see him brooding about it, and the same could be said for her, but at least they both knew they were facing it together.

''Are you ready for the hen party tonight?'' he asked. Mary and Matthew's wedding was only a week away, and they had scheduled their hen and bachelor parties for that night.

''I think I am.''

''Where are you going again?'' he asked with a smirk, well aware of what she, Edith, and Sybil had planned for Mary and her friends.

''Dancing!'' She giggled, knowing that he already knew they were going to a strip club.

''Mhm.'' He laughed with her. ''Just try not to have _too_ much fun, all right?''

''How about the whole 'you can look but not touch' rule?'' she chuckled.

''I think you have enough of that at home,'' he tried to joke, but she could see the pain in his eyes.

''John...'' She took a deep breath. ''We are going to see Dr. Blake on Thursday, and believe me - there will be more than just _touching_ after we finish with the sessions.''

''I hope so.'' He smiled weakly. Deep down, he was still afraid that this whole therapy thing wouldn't work for him. He believed that she was prepared to do anything for him, but he was still afraid of failing and having no other options to pursue.

''But I _know_ so,'' she said with all the confidence she had, and before he could protest, she stepped up on her tiptoes and kissed him. It was a sweet, light kiss, and all they needed to affirm their connection and commitment.

''Thank you for going with me.'' He had already thanked her a hundred times in the last week, but it meant so much to know that she supported him.

''I caused this and I'm going to help fix it,'' she said, lowering her heels back to the floor.

''Anna…'' he tried to protest again, but she stopped him by changing the subject.

''Are you sorry to be missing Matthew's bachelor party?''

''Not really.'' He shook his head. ''I mean, don't get me wrong - I like Matthew a great deal, and think he is especially brave to marry a woman like Mary, but I think I'm getting too old for that kind of thing.''

''Silly beggar! You are not old!''

''Maybe not, but I don't drink any longer, I don't smoke, and the only naked female body I want to see and touch for the rest of my life is yours.''

''That's nice to hear,'' she giggled. ''But you're a liar, John Bates.''

''What?'' He pulled back to look at her.

''Maybe you don't drink any more, and I'm the only woman you want, but we both know that you still smoke from time to time.''

''How…?''

''How do I know?'' She burst into laughter, seeing the surprise on his face.

''Yes.'' He really had thought he was doing a good job of masking his bad habit.

''I can taste it when we kiss,'' she explained. It wasn't like he was smoking every day, but since his problem had emerged, he had tried to ease his thoughts by smoking a couple of cigarettes during the day. He tried to cover it up with dozens of peppermints, but Anna was no fool. He had told her long ago that he smoked whenever he was worried or upset about something.

''Oh, really?'' Apparently he had been naive to think that she wouldn't notice. ''So tell me, Miss Smith, have I been smoking today?''

She eyed him before answering. ''I think I need to check again to be sure.'' Once again, she stepped up on her tiptoes and covered his mouth with hers. They immediately deepened the kiss, and enjoyed the feeling of their tongues slowly caressing each other.

''Can we go now?'' Gracie piped up, observing them from the doorway. She had been a little shy at first when she'd seen them kissing each other all the time, but over time it had become completely normal to walk into a room and find them with their lips glued together. She didn't know why they were doing it, but they were always happy when they let go of each other. That was reason enough for her to not to make faces any more.

''Yes.'' Anna let go of John. ''Say goodbye to John, darling.'' She was taking Gracie to Cora's house to spend the night, while the girls went out to celebrate Mary's upcoming wedding.

''Bye, John.'' Gracie let go of Joy's leash and turned to him.

''Bye, Munchkin. Be good for Cora and Mummy, all right?'' he replied, kneeling to give her a hug.

''I will.'' She placed a kiss on his cheek.

He turned to Anna. ''Have fun tonight.''

''I'll try.''

''But not _too_ much…'' he chuckled.

''Bye, John.'' Anna laughed, rolling her eyes. ''And don't forget to ring me!'' she added, giving him another quick kiss before he picked up his bag and left the flat.

 **xXx**

''Ohh, come on, Anna - it's my hen party! You have to have at least one drink!'' Mary called to her from across the dance floor. It was well past midnight, and the girls had decided to stop by the dance club after having enjoyed gazing at the muscled male dancers at the strip club down the street.

''Mary, someone needs to keep their head clear,'' she replied, smiling at her and continuing to dance. The place was packed with people letting loose on a Friday night...or rather a Saturday morning, at this point...and she had to admit to herself that she was having a good time. It had been a long time since she had gone out with the girls like this. And after John had sent her a text letting her know he'd arrived at his hotel, she felt that she could finally relax.

''Oh, no, no - don't give me that bullshit!'' Mary shouted back and pushed a few people aside to reach her. ''You, Anna Smith, are my maid of honour, and today is my last day of freedom…''

''You mean your last _week_?'' she chuckled.

''A day, a week, who cares? You know what I mean. Here - drink this!'' She pushed a glass of rum cola toward her. ''Drink!'' And before Anna could protest in any way, Mary had shoved the drink to her face, forcing her to drink all of it.

''Mary!''

''That's my girl! Woohooo! Come on, let's have another one! I'm getting married!'' she screamed at the top of her lungs, causing the whole club to cheer and whistle in response.

It didn't take long before Anna began to feel the effects of the alcohol. The room was starting to spin just a little bit, and after all the dancing she'd done, she decided to go outside to get some air. Sitting down on a nearby bench, she took her mobile from her bag and, oblivious to the fact that it was almost 5:00 a.m., dialled a number.

''Anna?'' John's voice picked up after only a few beeps. He had already been up, getting ready for his morning run, when his phone had started ringing.

''Jooohn!'' she squealed into the phone, giggling.

He didn't need to ask to know that she was still out having a good time with the girls. ''Good morning. How is the party girl?'' He sat down and waited for her to answer.

''Goooood…how are yo-…?'' She interrupted herself, hiccupping, making John laugh. He knew she wasn't much of a drinker, and he thought she sounded really cute.

''I'm all right.'' He smiled, listening to her continue to giggle for no apparent reason at the other end of the line. ''Anna?'' he called, when she calmed down.

''Yes, my hairy teddy bear?'' she answered, erupting in giggles again.

'Hairy teddy bear'? What was that about, he wondered. ''Why are you on your phone with me, and not with the girls?'' he asked.

''Oh, yeah!'' she said, suddenly remembering why she was calling him. ''I just wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you!''

''I love you and miss you, too, my darling,'' he chuckled, knowing how embarrassed she was going to be when he returned and reminded her of this conversation.

''Awwww, you do?'' she purred through the phone. ''You are so sweet, Mr. Baaaates…and hot…good god, do you even know how hot you are?'' she blabbered on, not caring who could hear her. ''I wish you were here!''

''Anna, I'll be back in a few da-...'' he began, when suddenly he heard a loud scream at the other end.

''Ohhhh, no you don't, Anna May Smith. Put that phone down immediately!'' Mary exclaimed, seeing her sitting on the bench all alone.

''Coome on, Mary!'' Anna groaned. ''I miss him!''

''I don't care! Today is about us girls! You can shag him when he gets back!'' Mary said, unaware of the problems Anna and John were having. ''Give me the phone, come on!'' She didn't give Anna a chance to protest, and took the mobile from her hand.

''Johnny, my boy - listen to me! I know you're madly in love and you've been all over each other since you came back, but tonight Anna is mine! So goodbye!'' The call ended with a decisive click.

Unable to contain her laughter, Mary turned to Anna, but immediately stopped when she saw her friend's tears. ''Anna?'' What's wrong?''

 **xXx**

''Hello, Jane. Is Anna in?'' John asked, stopping at Jane's desk.

''John? What are you doing here?' Jane turned away from the computer and looked at him. He was wearing one of his best suits and had a large bouquet of red roses in his hand. ''I thought Anna said you were coming back tomorrow?''

''I was supposed to, but one of the presenters became ill, and they sent us all home,'' he beamed at her. He was so glad to be back a whole day ahead of schedule. He had been planning to let his girls know that he was coming home early, but in the end had decided to surprise them.

''What a nice surprise!''

''I hope it is. So, is she busy or can I...?'' He nodded toward Anna's closed office door.

''Well, actually, she isn't here.''

''What do you mean? Where is she, then?''

''Don't worry. She has the afternoon off,'' Jane reassured him quickly, when she saw the concern on his face.

''Oh, I see.'' He relaxed. ''OK, then, I guess I'll say goodbye.'' He smiled at her, but as he was about to turn and leave, he heard Mary calling his name.

''John? I didn't know you were back already?'' She had been on her way to her office, when she'd spotted him standing by Jane's desk.

''Yeah, they sent us home early,'' he replied quickly. ''I would like to stay and chat, but Jane said Anna is off this afternoon, so I have to run.''

''Before you do, can you come with me to my office, please? I need you to see something.''

''Can't it wait?'' he huffed. He really wanted to go home, take Anna in his arms, and tell her how much he had missed her. Sure, he had only been away for three days, but they hadn't talked much after her drunken early morning call. His schedule had been packed, and they hadn't had a lot of time to talk, other than to say a quick hello during the day and good night in the evening.

''No, it can't. Please,'' she said firmly, and immediately turned and walked away, so he had no choice but to follow her.

 **xXx**

''OK, I'm here. What is this about?'' John asked, closing the door behind him.

''It's about you and Anna…and your problem,'' Mary said, not losing any time in getting to the point.

''What do you mean 'my problem'?" He stared back.

''You know,'' she said with a smirk. ''THE problem.''

''So she told you, I guess?'' John felt his cheeks colour.

''She did,'' Mary replied gently, her eyes softening. To be honest, she had expected him to be a lot more upset than he seemed, considering it was such an extremely private issue. She even doubted whether her friend would have confided in her, had her joking remark to John over the phone not resulted in Anna breaking down in tears outside of the club during her hen party.

''OK...anything else you want to say or can I go?'' He shifted from one foot to the other. He had no idea why he was even talking to her about this.

''John...''

''Mary, look - I know you two are best friends. I'm not stupid - I know that you talk about me and whatever else when you're alone, the same way I talk to Robert. And I'm definitely aware that her knowing my body isn't working properly, because I don't trust her the way I want to and should, makes her feel like she is the worst person in the world. I get that, and believe me, I'm trying my best to help her not to feel that way. But this is between Anna and me, not you. So can we please not say any more about it?'' He gave her a pointed look, which would have made just about anyone else back away...anyone except Mary.

''John...''

''No, Mary!'' He shook his head. ''I'm not talking about this with you.''

''Just shut up and listen!'' Mary exclaimed in exasperation. ''Come on, sit down, Uncle John!'' she said, raising her voice, leaving him speechless. He surprised even himself when he pulled out the chair and sat down.

''Thank you,'' she said, walking to the file cabinet and pulling out a file. ''Listen, I'm not going to discuss your sex life with you. You are like a family to me, and believe me - I've heard about your magical body too many times already.'' Mary rolled her eyes affectionately and placed the file in front of him. ''Here.''

''What is this?'' he asked, looking up at her.

''This is something that could ruin my professional life, if anyone found out I'm showing it to you, but could possibly save your and Anna's private life,'' she said cryptically.

''I don't get it.'' He stared at her, trying to figure out what was she trying to tell him.

''Just read the first two pages, look at the date, and put one and one together,'' Mary said, leaving the office before he could reply.

''What was that all about?'' he muttered under his breath, before looking down at the file. Setting the bouquet down on the table, he picked up the file and took a look at the first page.

''What the…?'' he whispered, when he realized that he was looking at Anna's will. Why had Mary broken the rules of attorney/client confidentiality and given this to him, he wondered.

He began scanning through the document quickly, feeling bad about going through Anna's private affairs, until his eyes landed on one section that made him gasp. He read the section again, not sure whether his mind was playing tricks on him. He closed his eyes and sat for a few minutes, trying to take in the words. Finally he looked at the document again, searching for the date.

''Oh, my god,'' he whispered in disbelief.

He sat for a few more minutes in stunned silence, trying to comprehend what Anna had been saying indirectly through the decision outlined in this document, and what it meant for him...and for them.

He was reading the passage for the third time when he felt an overwhelming wave of emotion overtake him. He closed his eyes once again, trying to hold in the tears spilling down his cheeks, but finally gave in to his feelings and wept silently. When he had no more tears left, he wiped at his eyes and, closing the file, stood up and hurried out of the office, bumping into Mary, who had been waiting patiently for his response.

She didn't have to ask for his reaction; his face, as he rushed past her, told her everything.

''John! The flowers?!'' she called after him.

''Keep them! You bloody well deserve them!'' he shouted back, running down the hall to the lifts. His face was still wet with tears, but his smile could have lit the entire city.

* * *

 **THE BETA: the lovely annambates! :D**

 **hello reader ;) how are you?...**

 **...**

 **... ;) :)**


	41. Ljubiti se

**Chapter XLI**

''Anna!?'' John burst through the front door like a mad man, tossing his bag onto the floor without a second glance.

''Anna?! Where are you?'' He ran to the kitchen and then to the sitting room, but she was nowhere to be found. Returning to the hall, he heard the shower running, and before he knew it, he was halfway up the stairs, his tie abandoned on the banister, and his smile threatening to split his face in two.

Opening the bathroom door, he saw her through the glass, and he could barely contain his love for her. He could tell that she hadn't heard or seen him yet; the water was too loud, and the steam on the shower door obscured her view.

Anna was just about to start shaving her legs when the shower door opened wide, and she squeaked in surprise. Before she realized what was happening, John stepped into the shower, still fully dressed, and took her into his arms, pushing her against the cold, wet tiles, his lips immediately finding hers.

''Jo-...wha-…'' was all she managed to say between heated kisses, but he didn't seem to hear her. She had no idea why he was back a day early or what was happening, but it felt so good to have him kissing her like this. Before she knew it, his strong hands had cupped her behind and lifted her up, pushing her back against the tiles again and encouraging her legs to wrap around his waist.

He was everywhere - his lips all over her, his hands kneading the skin on her back and behind, his strong, muscular body safely pinning her against the wall. What in the world was going on? Who was this man, she wondered vaguely as her eyes fluttered shut. He had always been so gentle and careful when he made love to her, but this...this was different.

Somehow she managed to help him out of his suit jacket, which fell to the floor of the shower in a sodden heap. As he locked his lips on her neck, sucking on her pulse point, she tried to speak, but then he covered her mouth with his once more. She gasped as his tongue stroked hers, and she could feel him pressing her against the wall even harder. She buried her fingers in his wet hair, pulling him closer, and lost herself in his kisses.

''Jo-…John?'' she began again, as he started making a wet trail of kisses down her body, each one arousing her further. She had thought he was returning home tomorrow, and when she had gotten the afternoon off, she'd decided to shower, shave her legs, and clean around the flat without anyone interrupting her, before picking up Gracie from her swimming lesson.

''Yes?'' he panted, looking directly into her eyes. My god, she looked gorgeous - wet hair, sleek skin, in her eyes a look of confusion…and love. Always love.

Anna stared at him and saw his eyes darken further, and her mouth went dry.

''I…I need to finish shaving my legs...'' she faltered.

''What...?'' he chuckled, licking her earlobe before running his tongue from her ear back down to her throat.

''I…I need to…oh, my god…!'' she gasped in pleasure. ''...my legs, John!''

''I don't care about your hairy legs!'' he laughed, leaning in to kiss her again.

But before his lips reached hers, she turned off the shower tap abruptly and demanded, ''Bedroom, NOW!''

With her legs still wrapped around his waist and her arms clinging to his shoulders, he left the shower and ran out of the bathroom, leaving a trail of water down the hall, and almost broke down her bedroom door. Laying her on the bed, he took a moment to pull off his soaked shoes before once again closing the gap between them. His hands were all over her, desperately seeking contact with her bare skin. Everything had left his head except for the fact that he needed her...and there was no place in his mind for doubts.

As he nibbled and sucked on her neck, her fingers worked at his shirt buttons, but the wet fabric made them difficult to undo. Finally John sat up and, without a second thought, ripped his shirt open. Buttons flew all over the room, but neither of them cared. He managed to tug the shirt off and toss it onto the floor, while she immediately buried her fingers in the dark wet hair covering his chest. They kissed again, his hands drifting over her breasts before settling at her waist, and she gasped into his mouth as her whole body trembled.

It was both electric…and at the same time so very erotic. His mouth explored her neck and shoulders, stopping at her breasts, and before she knew it, his lips and tongue were teasing her nipples. Anna gasped and arched into him. It had always felt amazing when they were together, but this...this was different. He was almost like a wild animal claiming what was his, and she found it incredibly arousing. They had gone through a lot these past months - the break-up, the months apart, their problems with intimacy - but with this, the way he was making her feel, she could sense that he had returned to her completely.

''Ahhh…'' she moaned as his mouth made its way down her torso, finally reaching the sweet spot near her centre. As he caressed it with his tongue, she groaned and grabbed at his hair, pulling him down on her even harder. It didn't take much for him to push her over the edge, and when her cries carried through the entire flat, he was certain that he could finish this. He quickly removed his wet trousers and boxers, and before she had come down from her high, he had already positioned himself between her legs.

''Are...you...OK?'' he asked between kisses, encouraging her to wrap her legs tightly around him.

Opening her eyes, she stared back at him, unable to speak. She could feel him pressing against her and hoped that he was really ready to do this. She knew that he would be crushed if he were unable to finish this, and didn't know if she could take seeing his disappointment again.

''Yes,'' she said, smiling, while he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "More than OK." The sheer sincerity behind his kiss almost made her weep, but she didn't have time for tears. With one smooth stroke he entered her, and her eyes rolled back into her head at finally feeling him hard inside of her.

''Oh, god!'' John groaned. When she finally managed to open her eyes to look at him, she could see his eyes squeezed shut, enjoying the contact he had missed and wanted for so long. He was engulfed in her, and it was overwhelming for him...for both of them. They couldn't speak; there were no words that could describe the depths of their emotions. They just basked in the moment, in feeling so close again, when they had both feared that it might never happen again.

''Anna…'' he finally opened his eyes and stared at her. She was giving him one of her sweetest smiles and he could not help but smile back. ''Can I…'' he began, but she covered his lips with such passion that he knew he did not need her permission to begin.

Not leaving her mouth, he started to move his hips, and immediately she moved with him. He was deep inside of her, hitting all the right spots over and over again. She gasped and moaned his name, and was digging her nails deep into his back, but it barely registered. He was finally making love to Anna, and he had to show her how much he had missed her, how much he loved her, needed her…trusted her.

Lowering his hand under her knee, he pulled her leg higher, sinking into her as deeply as he was able. He was drenched with sweat, but wasn't about to stop.

Her head was spinning and all she could do was to follow his lead. It felt amazing having his strong body pinning her down, every move he made clouding her mind further. He buried his head next to hers, and she could feel his hot breath on her neck, his groans on her skin. As he rocked his hips into her, Anna could tell that she was on the verge of exploding.

''Joh-…ahhh Jooohn?!'' she groaned, before sinking her teeth into his shoulder.

''I know, I know,'' he hissed back, his breath coming in shuddering pants. The pleasure he felt was so intense, like two parts of the same soul finally reuniting after years apart.

''Ooohhh…'' she gasped a couple of times, before he moved his head to look at her. She was absolutely beautiful - her face flushed, lips swollen, golden hair dishevelled - and seeing her like that was driving him crazy.

''Open your eyes,'' he said, continuing to thrust into her without losing his pace. ''Anna!'' he said again a little louder.

''Look at me,'' he gasped and increased his tempo, wrapping his hand around her waist to hold her steady. ''I love you, Anna...so much! I love you...and I trust you!''

He was making her feel so good; she was barely coherent. All she could say was ''Ple-…please don't stooop!''

''Are you clo-…shiiit!'' She felt so good...soft, warm, wet…and so very, very tight, and he really had to concentrate in order to maintain some control over his body.

''God, yes!'' she cried, and with the next two thrusts their bodies shook in pure pleasure. Her nails dug into his side as she called his name, and all he could do was cling to her, enjoying the feeling of her trembling underneath him as waves of heat overtook them both.

They were completely drained after they had stopped shaking, and neither had the energy to move a muscle. He was still inside of her, and it was one of the best feelings ever, to finally be so close again.

''John?'' she whispered, after catching her breath.

''Mmm?''

''Not that I'm complaining, but what brought that on?'' She giggled softly, then stopped. ''John?'' She lifted his face so she could look into his eyes, and saw tears spilling down his cheeks.

''Hey, hey, it's all right,'' she said as he rolled both of them onto their sides, burying his head under hers.

''What's the matter?'' Anna asked gently, running her fingers lightly through his hair.

''Sorry,'' he said finally, his voice cracking. His hands held her tightly, pulling her as close as possible, afraid of letting go. The rush of emotions he was feeling - exhilaration, joy, relief, and overwhelming love - had also left him feeling open and vulnerable.

''Sorry for what?''

''Crying.'' He chuckled, using his palm to brush the tears away, and looked up. ''It's just...I was so afraid I wouldn't ever be able to make you feel this way again, and then…'' He stumbled over his words, feeling foolish, but she understood what he was trying to tell her.

''It's OK...I know," she said, kissing him gently. "So what changed?''

''Well…Gracie,'' John answered simply, pulling the covers over them. ''I mean…''

''What?'' Anna had no idea how her daughter could be the reason he had finally been able to overcome his doubts.

''I guess I should explain...'' he chuckled, lying on his back, pulling her down to rest on his chest.

''Please do.'' She kissed the side of his chest, her arms resting lightly around him.

''But you have to promise me that you won't be angry with me…or Mary.'' He hesitated, wondering whether she would be upset that he had gone through her confidential legal documents.

''Mary...? Should I be worried about something?'' she teased, looking him in the eye.

''I stopped at your office before coming here. They sent us home from the conference a day early, so I bought some flowers and planned to surprise you at the office, but when I got there, Jane told me you had the afternoon off.''

''How sweet - thank you,'' she said, placing another kiss on his side. ''But what does that have to do with Gracie?''

''Well…Mary happened to pass by and she asked me to come to her office. She said that you'd told her about my problem…''

''Oh, my god.'' Anna propped herself on her elbows to look at him. ''I'm so, so sorry, John!'' She had regretted telling Mary as soon as she had woken up with a terrible hangover the next morning. ''It was at her hen party...I was drunk and she was teasing me about us shagging all the time and it just hit me at a weak moment. She could tell I was upset, so she asked what was wrong, and then…you have to believe me...I didn't mean to…''

''It's OK.'' He stopped her mid-sentence. ''Come here.'' He pulled her back into his embrace, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, running his fingers through her hair soothingly.

''So...Mary made me sit down and read some papers...'' he began slowly.

''What papers?'' She furrowed her brow.

''Your…well, your will.''

''Yes, and...?''

Moving away from her, he lay on his side and looked into her eyes. ''It said that if something were to happen to you, you wanted to leave Gracie with me.''

''Of course I'd leave her with you, you silly beggar. There isn't another living soul I would trust with my only daughter. OK, maybe my parents...but you know how my father is,'' she joked, then paused, still not understanding. ''So...the only reason you went crazy just now is because I'm leaving Gracie to you, if something should happen to me?''

''You revised your will soon after Green told you that Paul wanted custody of our Gracie,'' John explained. "And you chose me to be her guardian...even though you didn't know if we'd ever be together again."

"You are the closest she's ever had to a father. And I know that you would always love her and act in her best interest, no matter what."

Of course it warmed his heart to know that she wanted him to care for Gracie if, god forbid, the worst should happen. But to know that she had made that decision on a day when she had sensed her life was about to start falling apart, even though she had no idea where he was or whether there was any hope for their relationship - that, to him, showed without a doubt that she trusted him without reservation. As simply as she had broken his trust, she had gotten it back with a decision that bound them together permanently, no matter what should happen...a decision that made all the difference in the world.

''John…'' she smiled, tracing her fingers down his cheek and over his lips, moved by how touched he was. ''I'd do anything for you, if you just let me.''

''I know you would,'' he replied, and took her palm in his, placing tiny feathery kisses on it. ''And I'm sorry for everything.''

''We have to stop apologizing to each other, for real this time,'' Anna said, knowing that they had both spent the last month and a half filled with remorse. ''What happened is in the past. We can't change it, but we can work on never letting it happen again, all right?''

''Yes,'' he agreed, knowing she was right. ''I love you.'' He smiled and gave her a peck on the lips.

''I love you, too,'' she said simply, as he pulled her further into his embrace. They lay like that for a while, drifting in and out of sleep, until John felt her start to shiver.

''Are you cold?'' he asked.

''Well, you did pull me out of the shower,'' she teased. "And I never did get to dry off properly." The heat of their lovemaking had cooled down, her hair was still wet, and even though his body heat helped a little, she was starting to feel chilled.

''Sorry about that,'' he chuckled.

''Don't be. It was…well, it was…'' she began, leaning on his chest looking at him, while he ran his fingers though her damp hair.

''It was...what?'' he whispered.

''It was...I don't think I can find the words to describe it.'' She bit her lip.

''Let me help you, then.'' He laughed and she couldn't help but join him, as he pushed her onto her back and hovered over her. ''Was it hot?''

''It was.'' She giggled, brushing the stray lock she loved so much back into its place.

''Was it...fast? Exciting?" he grinned. "Erotic, maybe...?''

''It was _you_ , Mr. Bates. And that's all I need.'' Anna kissed his lips gently. It was one of the sweetest kisses they had ever shared, filled with so much love, respect, and…trust.

''How much time do we have before we need to go and pick up Gracie?'' he asked, when they finally pulled away.

''About 3 hours. Why?''

''Come on, then.'' He rolled away and stood up, offering her his hand.

''Where to?'' she asked, her eyes drinking in his naked body as he stood just a few inches away from her.

''Just come with me,'' he smiled, and she finally took his hand.

They walked down the hall, into the bathroom, and when he started to fill the bath with hot water, she could guess what he was up to. As the water level rose, he sat himself in the tub, and helped her to climb in, resting her body between his legs with her back pressed to his front.

''This is nice,'' she whispered, when the soothing water filled the entire bath.

''It is,'' John replied, resting one hand on her belly and squeezing lightly.

They were quiet for a while, both enjoying the feeling of the steaming water on their skin, and sharing such a simple, yet intimate, moment. She was so relaxed in his arms that she started to doze off, until John's hand slowly started moving downward.

''John?'' She opened her eyes to look at him.

''Just relax,'' he whispered, and placed a kiss on her temple. ''I'll go slowly this time.''

Anna rested her head back against his chest. Closing her eyes, she could feel his gentle fingers drift down her body, teasing her with soft caresses before gently spreading her folds, making her gasp. He took her left hand in his and held it against her stomach, firmly but tenderly holding her close.

''Anna?''

''Mmm?'' she managed to say, while his fingertips slowly traced circles around her centre, making her melt in his hands.

''I've missed you,'' he groaned, running his lips along her shoulder.

''I've missed you, too,'' she said, before he surprised her by increasing his touch. He experimented, changing the pressure and the speed, once again learning what felt good to her. She covered his hand with hers, showing him where and how she wanted to be touched, her eyes still closed, her breathing shallow and hard. The combination of his fingertips and his soft lips made her head spin.

''Jooohn, don'-...'' Her legs clenched, but he didn't let go.

He was all over her, doing everything he could to make her melt. It was heaven to know he loved her the way he did, and to her he was perfect. She knew that she was close, but she could also feel his hardness pulsing against her back. He could easily turn her around and make sure she satisfied his needs, but he didn't. She hadn't realized that there were men out there who put a woman's needs before their own, but that had changed when she had met John. With Paul, it had always been about his needs, his wishes; with John, it was the opposite.

''Ohhhh…'' Her hips bucked again, causing water to spill over the edge of the tub.

''Easy,'' he whispered, smiling, and tightened his hold around her waist. He wanted to take his time and savour every moment.

''Mhhm.'' She nodded, biting her lip, trying to remain in control. But very quickly it became too much. ''John!'' she gasped.

''Anna?'' he grinned, looking down at her face and seeing her eyes closed as she tried to concentrate on his touch.

''Not that I don't enjoy this...oooh…'' She felt his finger move further down, lightly stroking her.

''You were saying?'' He chuckled, and continued caressing her.

''I...I...'' She knew what she wanted to say, but couldn't form the words. She felt like she was about to explode, but managed to still his movements.

''What? Is something wrong?' He frowned.

''God, no!'' she smiled, catching her breath. She moved his hand away, and before he could protest, she turned around, kneeling in front of him. It wasn't a large tub, but it was big enough for her to climb on top of him and straddle his hips.

Guiding his hands to her hips, with one quick move she lowered herself down on him, causing both of them to gasp.

''That's better,'' she sighed as she steadied herself, gripping his shoulders.

''Show me, love...show me what you want,'' John whispered in her ear, and that was enough to make her start rolling her hips into him, a blissful smile on her face.

She rode him slowly, as his mouth caressed her breast just the way she liked it, and he held onto her for dear life. Water splashed around them and over the edge of the tub, but the growing puddle on the bathroom floor was the furthest thing from their minds.

He was deep inside her, and Anna's position allowed her almost complete control. She locked her hands around his neck, bringing him closer as her tempo increased. His lips were all over her until he found her mouth again, instantly deepening the kiss. John met her hips at each thrust, and when he felt her starting to clench around him, he pulled her flat against his body and slipped his hand between them. She looked so beautiful - her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open, panting and begging him not to stop.

''Annaaa…'' he gasped, as her hips moved faster.

She grasped desperately at his shoulders before finally crying his name, her knees buckling, as pleasure washed over her and she pulled him with her over the edge.

She collapsed onto his chest, out of breath and unable to move. John slipped his arms around her, waiting for them both to stop shaking. He was ecstatic that he could once again make her feel so good.

''You'll be the death of me,'' she said shakily, pulling back to look at his face.

He sat himself up and leaned closer to kiss her swollen lips, still holding her safely in his arms. ''And you'll be the death of me,'' he smiled as she held him tight, pressing her form to his, with him still deep inside her.

''I'm still cold, you know,'' she giggled, after a pause.

''And you still have to shave your legs,'' he teased, running a hand along her thigh.

''Hey!'' She moved away and slapped his upper arm playfully, splashing water over them in the process.

''I'm kidding!'' he laughed. "You know that I don't care."

''How about you, hmm? I thought you were going to shave this beard off,'' Anna said, cupping his face with her hand.

''Well…I would love to, but if I do, I can't be your hairy teddy bear,'' he replied with a smirk. The moment he mentioned "hairy teddy bear," her cheeks turned crimson.

''Oh, my god!'' she shrieked, covering her face with her hands as she once again remembered the call she had made from Mary's hen party after a few too many drinks.

He started laughing and gently moved her hands away from her face. ''Oh, come on, you were cute.''

''I was drunk,'' she replied, and buried her face in his chest.

''Yeah, you were, but still.'' He chuckled at her embarrassment. ''Do you really want me to shave the beard off?'' he asked, when he had stopped laughing.

Anna was quiet for a moment, contemplating her answer. John looked ever so handsome with the beard, but at the same time she missed the look of his clean-shaven face, the feeling of his smooth skin, and the smell of aftershave that he left on her skin when they made love.

''Mhm.'' She looked up and nodded.

''But will I still be your hairy teddy bear without it?'' he pouted very slightly.

''You don't have to worry about that, Mr. Bates,'' she answered sweetly, burrowing her fingers in the dark hair on his chest as she found his lips again. She sucked gently on his lower lip until he deepened the kiss, causing her to moan into his mouth once more...and then she was lost all over again.

* * *

 **beta: the annambates! :) THANK YOU! :) YOU ARE THE BEST! :)**

 **Hi :D ...happy now? ;) thank you for R &R&F&F&PM! :)**


	42. Zaroka

**Chapter XLII**

''Steve, they're here!'' Elizabeth called, when she saw John's car pull up in front of their cottage. It was the middle of November, three and a half weeks after Mary and Matthew's wedding, and four glorious weeks since John had barged into the shower, taken Anna in his arms, and made her his again. Neither Robert nor Mary had had to ask if they had resolved their problem; their faces had told them everything. John and Anna had acted like two hormonal teenagers during the wedding festivities, sharing small touches and kisses and giggling together throughout the whole day. They were absolutely glowing with happiness. The whole Crawley family could see the old Anna and John in them, and they were thrilled. Their friends had been through so much; if anyone deserved happiness, they did.

A few days after the wedding, John had gotten a phone call from his mother, checking on him as she did every week since he had returned to the city. She had invited all three of them up north for a visit. He knew that Anna was worried about facing his mother after everything she had put him through, but John had tried to reassure her that Liz was not angry with her. So they had booked a flight, hired a car for the last leg of their journey, packed a few bags, and now here they were in Scotland for the weekend.

''John, my boy!'' Liz threw her arms around him as he was attempting to get out of the car.

''Mother!'' He grinned happily and wrapped her in a big hug.

''How are you?'' She scrutinised him. When Robert had rung after the break-up and told her what was happening with John, the first thing she had felt was fear - fear of losing her son the same way she had lost her husband. So when he had arrived up north to stay for a while, she had done all she could to knock some sense into his head. He had been completely broken and angry, with no idea what to do with himself, not coping at all. But she knew her son well, and hoped she could find a way to help. Both she and Steve had prodded him to talk and work through his feelings and fears, and it did her heart good to see that he seemed to be doing OK now.

''I'm all right.'' He smiled, his eyes shining with pride and love for his little family.

''Good! Good!'' She kissed his cheek and then turned to Anna, who was hesitating by the car. John had tried to reassure her during their journey, but she was still nervous to face Liz and ask for her forgiveness.

''Come, lass, come here and give me a hug,'' Liz smiled as she approached Anna with outstretched arms.

''Hello, Mrs. Bates,'' Anna said awkwardly and hugged her, her eyes seeking John, who looked on, smiling.

''I told you, Anna, please call me Liz,'' John's mother replied, kissing her on the cheek before letting go of her and turning to look at Gracie, who was leaning against John and holding his hand. ''Hello, Gracie darling.''

''Hi,'' Gracie said shyly, offering her a small bouquet of the last of the autumn wild flowers, which she had picked when they had made a brief stop for the loo.

''Oh, are those for me?''

''Yes,'' she nodded and finally smiled, pleased to see the woman so happy. She had only met John's mother once, many months ago in York, and she didn't remember much about her.

''I can see that you are the one taking care of Joy now?'' Liz took the flowers and nodded toward the dog, who was begging impatiently for some attention from her old friend.

''Yes, she's my best friend. I taught her how to sit and lie down,'' Gracie informed her proudly, making the grownups laugh.

''Did you?''

''She did.'' John said, running his hand affectionately through Gracie's curls and smiling down at her. ''Is Steve here or…?''

''Yes, yes. He's upstairs. I told him to get the guest rooms ready yesterday, but you know how he is. He always waits till the last minute to do everything.''

''I heard that!'' A jovial voice drew their attention toward the front door, where Steve was emerging from the house. ''Hello, everybody!'' He greeted Anna with a smile and a hug first, and then turned to John.

''Are you still running?'' he asked.

''I am...every day at 5:30 a.m.'' John said proudly. He was very glad he had a man like Steve in his life. His mother's partner had played as important a role in his recovery as she had. Together they had helped John save himself from his worst impulses when he'd been at his very lowest point.

''So late? You're slacking, my boy,'' he laughed with a wink, very glad to see that John was doing well. ''I would like to chat some more, but right now I think we need to hurry and get the bags inside. A storm is heading our way.''

''Sure. Mum, would you mind showing Anna and Gracie around the house, while we unload the car?'' John asked, as he headed toward the boot with Steve.

''Yes, come on. Let's get you two inside. I made some biscuits and there's hot cocoa waiting for you, too.''

''May I have some, please?'' Gracie asked politely, skipping down the stone path that led to the house. Joy, who was already familiar with the place, ran ahead, and Anna and Liz followed behind.

''Of course you may,'' Liz replied, then smiled at Anna, adding, ''She's such a sweetheart, isn't she?''

''She has her moments, like any child, but she's a good girl. I'm lucky,'' Anna replied, starting to relax a little. Maybe John was right - maybe Liz wasn't as upset with her as she had expected.

 **xXx**

It was already pouring outside when Liz finished showing the house to Anna and Gracie. The cottage was absolutely perfect, neither too small nor too large. They ended their tour in the dining room, where John and Steve were already seated at the table, talking and laughing.

''So what do you think?'' Steve asked, as they entered the room.

''It's lovely,'' Anna said, smiling, and sat down next to John, who was glowing with pride and thrilled to finally have his entire family together under one roof.

''I like my room!'' Gracie added, but they could all see that she was eyeing the plate of biscuits in the middle of the table.

''Go ahead, take one,'' Steve finally said, and pushed the plate toward her.

She silently asked John and Anna for permission, which of course they gave her with a smile and nod.

''Thank you,'' Gracie said, and smiled at Steve before taking a biscuit.

''And here is some cocoa for you.'' Liz placed 5 mugs of the steaming hot drink in front of them.

They spent about an hour catching up with news of work and school and their vacation in Hawaii. And after Gracie left the room to have a short nap, Liz finally asked about Green. It had been two and a half months already, and still there was no sign of him. No one seemed to know anything, and the police had no leads, even though they had been working on the case non-stop. All they had managed to uncover so far was that the judge who had been assigned to the custody case had been paid off by Green himself, and that Paul's life as presented in court had been one big lie. The documents which John had gotten while in Paul's hotel room had led to numerous hidden bank accounts that Green had used to pay all sorts of people, who had made sure that Paul's life looked golden on the surface and that the custody case had gone exactly as Green had wanted it to.

''I think I'll go and check on the sheep,'' Steve announced, when the storm was letting up. ''Coming?'' He turned to John.

''Umm…''

''Go on,'' Anna encouraged, when she saw him hesitate.

''Are you sure?'' He knew his mum wouldn't say anything that might upset her, but at the same time, he didn't want to make Anna uncomfortable by leaving her behind.

''Yes. I'll be fine,'' she reassured him, covering his hand with hers.

''Coming or not?'' Steve asked from the front door.

''Yes,'' John called and stood up. With his mother in the kitchen and Steve already outside, he leaned down and placed a slow goodbye kiss on Anna's lips...and then another one, and another one, until Liz stepped into the room.

''You are going to look at some sheep, my boy, not going off to war,'' she chuckled, causing the pair to jump away from each other in surprise.

''Yeah, sure...all right...bye, then,'' John stuttered, his cheeks crimson at the fact that his mother had walked in on their private moment.

''Have fun!'' Anna called after him, and when the door closed, she turned to a smiling Liz. ''Sorry about that,'' she apologised.

''That's all right. It's nice to see that you two have worked through some things,'' Liz replied, picking up the empty mugs from the table.

''About that...'' Anna began, following John's mother into the kitchen and steeling herself to begin the difficult conversation. ''I owe you an apology.''

''What for?'' Liz asked. She knew exactly what Anna was referring to, but decided to let her lead the conversation.

''For hurting John the way I did,'' Anna forced herself to say. It still hurt inside to remember what she had done and how much she had hurt him, and not a day went by that she did not think about it with regret.

Liz nodded and let Anna continue.

''I'm sorry, Liz, so very sorry,'' Anna said, her eyes welling. ''I'm sorry for pushing him away, for telling him I didn't love him, and hurting him so badly that he needed to drink to try to forget.''

Liz could see that the young woman meant what she said, and even though she had been upset with Anna when she had first found out what had happened, the anger she had felt toward the girl had been nothing compared to how upset and disappointed she had been with her son.

''Anna, I know you are sorry. And you are forgiven, even though there is nothing to forgive.'' She took Anna's hands and squeezed them lightly.

''But…''

''Come here.'' Liz pulled her into a hug. ''You did what you felt was right at the time.'' She and John had talked a lot about what had happened between the two of them when he was staying with her and Steve. But no matter how unhappy John had been back then, whenever he had talked about Anna, she'd always been able see love in his eyes alongside the pain.

''Maybe I did, but that doesn't make what happened to John right.''

''Do you love him?''

''I do - I love him with all my heart,'' Anna said, pulling away to look at her.

''Is he happy?''

''I think he is...'' Anna said.

''I know he is,'' Liz replied with a smile. ''And that's all that matters, Anna love. Yes, you broke him, but at the same time you also ended up making him stronger.''

''What do you mean?''

''John is a wonderful man, but he is still his father's son. His greatest fear has always been that he might be too much like his father, and he had always fought not to be. In the end, you forced him to finally go down that path.''

''Liz…'' The first tear slid down her cheek.

''Let me finish, please.'' Liz smiled again. ''You forced him to deal with his demons, Anna, and that is a good thing.''

''How can his drinking be a good thing?'' How could John almost completely destroying himself be a good thing?

''I guess he's told you all about his father, right?''

''He has.''

''Even when he was a little boy, he could see the kind of man his father was, and the one thing he didn't want was to be like him. And John did absolutely everything he could not to turn into that kind of person. But you can't escape who you are, no one can. He tried everything he could think of - devoting his life to children, staying away from hard liquor, jumping from one relationship to another, he even married that devil, Vera, thinking it was the right thing to do, that it would give him some stability,'' Liz explained. ''He has been running away from himself his whole life. And then he met you.'' She smiled. ''I knew the second I heard his voice over the phone that something was different, and it didn't take me long to get him to talk about you. But even though he loved you and was happier than he'd ever been, underneath it all he was still afraid.''

''Afraid of what?'' Anna asked, frowning.

''Of turning into his father. Philip was a good man deep down, and we were happy together for a while, but his personality changed drastically the moment he touched liquor. And after a while, liquor was all he could see. He didn't love us enough to try to overcome his problems, and neither I nor anyone else could save him from himself. He made his choice - he chose himself and drink over John and me.'' Liz exhaled and paused.

''What I'm trying to tell you…'' she continued, when she saw Anna staring at her, trying to understand what she was saying, ''…is that what you did to him forced him to finally look his fears directly in the eye and, although at first he gave in to drink, eventually he chose to fight. He finally outgrew his father, after so many years of fear and uncertainty. He would still be that scared 12 year-old boy if you hadn't hurt him the way you did. When he hit rock bottom, he had to choose, and in the end he chose life and the hope that eventually you two might find your way back to each other. In a roundabout way, you saved him, Anna, and I could never be angry with you for that, no matter what he had to go through to get there.

''Thank you,'' Anna said, and hugged her again. While she wasn't sure she had followed all of what Liz had said, she felt cool relief wash over her, knowing that things between them were OK.

''Thank _you_ ,'' Liz said fiercely, blinking back tears.

 **xXx**

''Look at you, stretched out like a pasha, a creature of leisure.'' Anna walked into their room and cast a fond eye at John, who was already in bed with a book in his hand, wearing his favourite, well-worn blue and white striped pyjamas.

''Well, I think I deserve it, after all that running around after bloody sheep this afternoon. Almost killed myself in the process.'' He had been trying to catch one of the sheep for Steve, when he had slipped and bruised his hand and his forehead when he fell. It was nothing serious, but it had been enough to cause his mother and Anna to panic briefly when he had returned to the house, his face covered in blood.

''How is your head?''

''It still hurts, but I think I'll survive as long as I have my personal nurse looking after me all night,'' he teased, placing the book on the nightstand. She had just had a shower and was clad simply in one of his oversized t-shirts, claiming it smelt of him, paired with her own pink pyjama bottoms.

''You have your own nurse, do you?''

''Well, I hope so.'' he huffed, pretending to be miffed, and pulled back the covers on her side of the bed.

''We'll see.'' She giggled at his pout while placing her wet towel next to the small fireplace near the window. Looking out, she could see the rain had started to fall again. The first day of their getaway had turned out far better than she had imagined...well, until John had come back with his face bloodied. But he was fine, and she was happy that she and Gracie had spent a very pleasant afternoon with Liz.

''Anna...?'' John called softly, when he saw her mind drifting.

''Yes?'' She turned around, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

''Are you all right? Did my mother say anything that upset you?'' They hadn't had a chance to talk about her day and the difficult conversation she had likely had with Liz.

''No, your mum…she was perfect,'' Anna smiled. ''I was so relieved.''

''Can you please come to bed and take care of your patient, then?'' He pretended to be in pain.

''Oh, you poor baby, you,'' Anna teased and walked over to the bed. He had a large bandage on his forehead and a mild headache, but other than that she knew he was doing all right. ''What can I do to help?'' she asked, climbing in next to him.

''Hmmm...let me think...'' he pondered, while she made herself comfortable. ''How about you kiss it and try to make it better?'' He looked down at her with a foolish grin.

''No, I don't think that would work,'' she teased back, resting her hand on his chest and enjoying the feeling of his large protective hand on top of hers.

''Oh?'' he chuckled. ''So should I ask some other nurse to help me with my injuries, then?''

''You wouldn't dare!'' she warned, meeting his grin with an even bigger one of her own.

''Wouldn't I?''

''No!'' She smacked his chest. ''You are _mine_ , and the only one who can kiss your hurts and make them better is _me_.''

''Prove it.''

''Oh, come here.'' She gave in, knowing he would happily tease her all night if given the chance. Pushing herself up, she took his face in her palms and placed a gentle kiss on top of the bandage. ''Better?''

''Yes, that spot feels a bit better now,'' he smiled. ''But I think I hurt my whole face when I fell down,'' he added seriously and pointed to his cheek.

''Oh, you did, did you?''

''Mhm.'' He waited for her to kiss his forehead again and to start making her way down his face. As she placed soft kisses on his temple, cheek, nose, and the side of his mouth, he closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure, and when she placed her last kiss on his lips and pulled away, he surprised her by pushing her back onto the bed and covering her lips with his.

''John!?'' she giggled, as his lips moved from her mouth to her neck.

''John!?'' she laughed even more when she felt his hands on her sides, tickling her lightly. ''Stop!'' She tried to twist away from him, laughing even harder. ''John!''

''What?'' He looked up, smiling, his hair completely dishevelled, looking absolutely adorable.

''I don't want your mother to think we are…you know…''

''What?'' He hovered over her, his hands still on her sides.

''You know…''

''Having sex?'' he chortled. After all this time, she still had trouble saying the word out aloud.

''Shhh.'' She quickly covered his mouth with her hand. ''Yes.'' She was still mortified that her own mother and brother had heard them, and she definitely didn't want Liz or Steve to have reason to even suspect there was anything going on in their room.

''I'm 42 years old, Anna. I'm pretty sure she already knows that we are sleeping together.'' He chuckled and once again buried his face in her neck.

''Almost 43,'' she teased, knowing that he would stop what he was doing as soon as he heard her say that. It was exactly two weeks until his birthday, and the fact that he would be a year older wasn't sitting well with him at all.

''Anna...'' he groaned, letting go of her and lying back down and turning his face away.

''Oh, come on!'' she laughed, and quickly snuggled up next to him. ''Don't be such a grumpy old man!''

''Well, _that_ helped me feel better...'' he grumbled, looking down at her and seeing her giggle. ''There is not a single good thing about me turning 43.''

''Yes, there is!''

''Really? Do tell,'' he mocked.

''We are having a party!''

''What?! No, we aren't.''

''Oh, yes, we are!'' she giggled. She had been talking to Liz that afternoon about his birthday gift when the idea of a party had hit her.

''No, we aren't...'' His smile faded when he noticed her expression.

''John...'' she said, as he sat himself up, resting his back against the headboard.

''You're _serious_ , aren't you...''

''Please...?'' she pouted.

''But why? You know I don't like the fact that I'm going to be another year older, so why in the world would you think that I want to celebrate it?''

''Well, you were still working for me on your birthday last year, I ruined Gracie's birthday by breaking up with you, and I didn't have a celebration of my own because of all the mess with Green and Paul,'' she explained. "I really would like to be able to enjoy at least _one_ of our birthdays this year."

''No fair, Anna - how can I say no, after hearing that?!'' He shook his head, seeing the writing on the wall.

''Don't say no, then - just say yes!'' She grinned at his weakening resolve.

''What do I get if I say yes?'' he asked mischievously, raising an eyebrow.

''A gift?'' she giggled and pulled on his pyjama shirt, making him slide under the covers again.

''What kind of a gift?'' he replied roughly, feeling her hand undoing one of his shirt buttons and her palm sliding onto his chest, stroking him gently.

''What kind of a gift do you want?'' She pulled herself closer and placed a kiss at the edge of his mouth.

''Hmmmm...let me think...'' He pretended to ponder her question. ''How about… _you_ …in some Victoria's Secret lingerie…''

''Go on.'' She continued placing light, feathery kisses all over his face.

''…helping me forget that it's my birthday?'' he whispered.

''Let me see what I can do.'' She giggled some more, pulling his body over hers for a deep kiss. Their hands began exploring, revelling in the feel of one another, until a particularly loud thunderclap sounded, and very soon they heard a door opening and two unmistakable sets of footsteps running down the hall toward their room.

''She is coming to us, isn't she?'' John chuckled, knowing how frightened Gracie sometimes got during storms.

''She is,'' Anna smiled, pulling her T-shirt back into place before Gracie slowly opened their bedroom door.

''Mummy?''

''Yes?'' Anna propped herself up on her elbow and smiled.

''Joy can't sleep. I think she's afraid of the storm,'' Gracie explained from the doorway, causing both Anna and John to chuckle quietly.

''Just Joy?'' John asked, already pulling the covers back to make space for Gracie to climb in.

''Yes, just Joy...'' she hesitated, but quickly changed her answer when another set of thunderclaps could be heard from the outside. ''We're _both_ scared,'' she corrected herself, and quickly ran to the bed, climbed up, and crawled in between them.

John made sure that both Anna and Gracie were fully tucked in before resting his head on the pillow again. He could feel Joy lying partially on his feet, and it felt wonderful to have his little family so close, all in one small bed.

''Mummy?'' Gracie asked after a while.

''What?'' Anna replied, running her fingers through Gracie's hair, hoping the gentle strokes would relax her.

''When are you and John going to marry?'' she asked innocently. Both grownups looked at each other, surprised. She had never brought up the subject of marriage before, and they weren't sure what had prompted her to ask. Perhaps it was the fact that she'd had so much fun at Mary and Matthew's wedding, or maybe she was wishing she could call John "Daddy."

''Yes, when _are_ we going to get married, John?'' Anna asked, her eyes sparking with mischief. She had meant it as a joke, but to her surprise John's face remained very serious. Two sets of blue eyes were staring at him, waiting to hear what he would say. And maybe that should have made it harder to answer, but for some reason it didn't...not at all. He loved her, and he couldn't think of a single thing that might prevent him from doing this right here, right at this moment. He stood up silently and walked around the bed to Anna's side.

''John, I was just kidding,'' she began quickly.

''But I'm not,'' he replied, and before she knew it, he was on one knee, taking her hand in his.

''Anna, we've been through a lot this past year, all three of us. We've made mistakes and done some foolish things, which I'm sure we both regret. But no matter what, at the end of every day, I have always loved you. And you, too.'' He turned to Gracie and tapped her nose, making her giggle. ''And I still do...and always will.'' He moved his eyes back to Anna.

''I know that to do this properly I should have a ring with me right now, but I don't think I need one to tell you just how much you mean to me. I will love you however, whatever, whenever, and if you let me, I promise I'll do everything I can, every single day, to be the best husband...and father…'' he paused, looking at Gracie once again and winking at her, ''…you could ever wish for." He took a deep breath.

"I know there are countless ways to be happy in this life, but I know I could never be truly happy without you two in mine.'' He smiled at her lovingly and said, ''Anna May Smith, would you please do me the incredible honour of becoming my wife?''

Anna gazed at John, her love for him almost overwhelming her. He didn't have a ring, and he was kneeling before her in his old, worn pyjamas, a bandage across his forehead and her young daughter witnessing the entire declaration, but she knew that she could never receive a more heartfelt proposal.

''Mummy!?'' Gracie nudged her in the side, when she just continued staring silently at his handsome face. ''You have to say yes now,'' the little girl whispered, making both John and Anna laugh.

''Listen to Gracie, Anna,'' John chuckled, still waiting for her response.

''Yes. A million times _yes_!'' And with that one simple word, she made his world complete. Standing up, he leaned over to her and covered her lips with his, deepening the kiss immediately, even though Gracie was there. When he finally pulled back, he smiled. ''Are you sure?'' he asked.

''Of course I'm sure!'' she laughed, leaning in to kiss him again.

''Oh, my god!" she whispered against his mouth, when she ended the kiss. "We're getting married!''

''We are.'' He grinned and gave her another peck.

''Why are you crying, Mummy?'' Gracie frowned, looking up from her spot in the middle of the bed. ''Aren't you happy?''

Anna brushed the happy tears from her face.

''Oh, come here, you,'' she smiled. John took their little girl in his arms, so she was now sitting between them, and they each placed a kiss on her cheek, before lying back down on the bed and holding each other close.

''I love you,'' John beamed at Anna, when she had moved as close as she was able, with Gracie between them.

''And I love you...'' she replied, squeezing his hand, ''.. _.my fiancé_.''

Perhaps it hadn't been the proposal they might have imagined, just the two of them alone in some lovely, romantic setting. Instead it had happened in a tiny guest room in his mother's cottage in the middle of Scotland, both of them wearing their old pyjamas, with Gracie by their side.

But maybe it really _had been_ perfect, just because it hadn't been. And they both knew, without a doubt, that they would remember this beautiful evening for the rest of their lives.

* * *

 **beta: annambates! :D thank you! :D**

 **...and thank YOU! :) for reading and reviewing! :)))*****


	43. Dve rdeči črti

**Chapter XLIII**

''Jooohn...'' Through the fog of sleep, he heard her sweet voice whisper his name a couple of times, then felt her warmth snuggle closer.

''Wake up, birthday boy!'' Anna giggled and ran her hand over his chest, making him finally open his eyes and look at her.

''Oh, no... Is it today?'' he groaned, and pulled the covers over his head.

''It is,'' she chuckled. ''Oh, come on - don't be so grumpy. It's not like you're turning 50...''

''No, but I'm one year closer,'' he muttered from under the bedding.

Hearing the irritation in his voice, she pulled the covers from his face, and before he could protest, she placed a kiss on his lips and quickly deepened it.

''Happy birthday, Mr. Bates...'' she whispered, as she moved away.

''Thank you, soon-to-be Mrs. Bates,'' he smiled, already feeling much better about the day.

Hearing him call her by her future married name, she burst out laughing in pure happiness. It was still so hard to believe that after everything they had been through, they were finally engaged. They had decided to keep their new status private for now, so Gracie was the only one who knew of their engagement. She had been sworn to secrecy and, despite her usual chatty nature, was taking her role as trusted confidant very seriously and hadn't told a soul.

''Mrs. Anna Bates. It does sound nice, doesn't it?'' She pulled herself on top of him, resting her legs around his hips.

''It sure does,'' he nodded, with a silly grin. He was the happiest man in the entire world right now, and he could see that she was truly happy too. The only thing that was missing was an engagement ring - he hadn't given her one yet. The ring that John had bought just before their break-up was lying at the bottom of a lake in Scotland, where he had thrown it in his anger and despair. But even if he'd still had it, it wouldn't feel right to give it to her at this point. They were different people in a different, better relationship now.

''Anna?'' He looked down at her hands as she pulled the hem of his shirt out of his pyjama bottoms.

''What?''

''What are you doing?''

''Well, Gracie won't be up for another hour, and it _is_ your birthday, so I thought you might like to skip your run today and stay here with me instead…'' she said, sliding her hand under his shirt and stroking his chest.

''Oh, really?'' he replied cheekily, sitting up a little to pull his shirt over his head. Maybe this birthday wouldn't be as bad as he had thought. ''And how would we spend the time?''

''I'm sure we can think of something...'' she purred and lowered herself, covering his lips with hers and lightly rolling her hips against his, causing him to groan into her mouth.

''Is the door locked?'' he whispered, sliding his hands inside her top and pulling her flat against him.

''It is.'' Gracie had barged into their room on four separate occasions before they had finally started remembering to make sure their door was locked before making love. The little girl sometimes liked to have a quick cuddle before breakfast, not aware that the two of them very often enjoyed having their own kind of cuddle before starting the day.

''I think that this whole birthday thing is beginning to grow on me,'' he joked.

''Wait until you see my gift tonight,'' she smirked, before kissing him again.

''Oh, really? Can you tell me what I have to look forward to?''

''You'll just have to wait and see,'' she teased, biting her lower lip.

With one quick move, he flipped them over so she was now lying on her back, safely under him. They lost themselves in light, gentle touches and kisses that grew increasingly passionate, and they ended up putting their free hour to very good use.

 **xXx**

''You are coming tonight, aren't you?'' Anna said stopping by Jane's desk.

''We are,'' she confirmed, putting some papers away. ''I just hope John will be happy with our present.''

''I'm sure he will be over the moon about it.''

''It's only a book of poems, Anna.'' Jane eyed her sceptically. She and James had had no idea what to get him, so Anna had suggested that they get him a book he had been talking about for weeks but had not found the time to buy himself.

''It's is a lot more than just a book to him. Believe me, he will love it,'' she reassured her, knowing how John treasured each one of his books, lavishing special care and attention on his volumes of poetry.

''I'll just have to trust you,'' Jane replied. ''How about you? What did you get him? Or is it a secret?''

''It is.'' Anna grinned, then leaned in conspiratorially after glancing around to make sure no one could hear them. ''A _Victoria's_ secret...''

''Really? So, we need to make sure we leave the party early tonight,'' Jane teased.

''Oh, believe me, I'll make sure that the house is empty by ten.'' While she was really looking forward to the party, at the same time she could not wait to slip into the lingerie she had bought a couple of days ago. Maybe John thought she had forgotten his wish, but she definitely had not.

They were laughing at Anna's comment, when suddenly they saw Daisy run past them, tears in her eyes.

''Daisy?'' Anna called, but the girl had already disappeared into the loo. Jane got up to follow, but Anna touched her arm. ''I'll go.''

 **xXx**

Anna slowly pushed the ladies' room door open and looked inside. The room looked empty, but she could hear quiet sobbing from behind the closed door of one of the toilet stalls.

''Daisy?'' she called softly. ''It's me, Anna. I just want to make sure you're all right.'' She walked closer, stopping near the closed stall, but Daisy continued crying, unable to respond. She and Anna had become friends over the past year, sharing almost every lunch break with the other women in the office, talking about everything and nothing at all.

It was almost 10 minutes later when she had finally calmed down to the point that Anna could talk to her.

''Do you want to talk about it?'' Anna asked tentatively through the stall door, wondering what had happened, but also not wanting to upset her more.

''I'm scared,'' Daisy finally whispered.

''Scared of what?''

Anna could hear movements inside the stall, and at last Daisy opened the door slowly. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were smeared with mascara.

''Hey, hey - what's going on?'' The moment she embraced Daisy, the girl started sobbing again. Anna held her and rubbed her back soothingly.

''Daisy, what's the matter? Did William do anything to upset you?''

It had taken Daisy a few months to get over the disappointment of Thomas finding himself a boyfriend, but after she had met William Mason, her little crush on Thomas had been quickly forgotten.

''No, he hasn't done anything wrong,'' she said, finally looking up and shaking her head. ''It's all my fault.''

''What do you mean?'' Anna moved away to get some paper for her to blow her nose.

''We had our first date a few weeks ago and I asked him to come over to mine and…'' She brushed her tears away before continuing. ''…well, we weren't planning for it to happen, but…'' She was in tears again.

''Oh, Daisy, you're not the only one in the world to have slept with a guy on her first date.'' Anna reassured her gently.

''I know that, but…I...I _lied_ to him,'' she whispered.

''What do you mean, you lied to him? Lied about what?''

''Well, one thing led to another and we both wanted it to happen so much, but he didn't have anything with him so…so I told him I was on the pill.''

''Oh, Daisy...''

''And now I'm late, and I'm never late, Anna.'' She wept again. ''He's going to kill me.''

''Daisy, you have to calm down.'' She held the girl close and let her cry some more. ''Have you taken a pregnancy test?'' she asked, remembering that today was exactly eight months since she herself had been standing in the same toilet, panicking about the possibility that she might be pregnant.

''No, but I have some with me.'' Daisy fumbled with the clasp of her bag.

''Some? How many do you have?''

''Three. But I'm so scared. What if they're positive? Will is going to kill me for lying to him!''

''William is good guy, and he loves you...''

''But I _lied_ to him,'' Daisy wailed.

''Maybe you did, but right now the most important thing is that you calm down. Panicking is not good for you or, if you _are_ pregnant, for the baby.''

''Oh, god,'' Daisy gasped.

''Would you like me to take the test with you?'' Anna offered, hoping to alleviate the girl's anxiety. She recognized that look in her eyes. The poor thing was shaking just _thinking_ about the possibility that she could be pregnant.

''What do you mean?'' Daisy looked up.

''We can both take it at the same time and wait together for the results. It's something my friend Gwen did for me when I thought I was pregnant with Gracie, and it helped me feel better, knowing that I wasn't alone.'' She wasn't sure if she was making sense, but Gwen had really made a difference by doing this for her, and she wanted to help Daisy through it, if she could.

''Would you really?''

''Sure.'' Anna smiled and pulled two tests out of the bag. ''Here.''

They locked themselves in the toilets and after finishing, they set the tests down on the edge of the sink and the three-minute wait began. Anna wanted to talk things through with Daisy a little more, but she could see that the girl was already on edge, so held her tongue and waited.

''I swear - these are the longest three minutes of my entire life,'' Daisy said, shifting from one foot to the other. Anna had been right; it really _did_ help doing this together, but it was driving her crazy knowing that she had to wait three minutes to find out the results that could possibly change her life forever.

''I know the feeling,'' Anna smiled. She had been the same age when she had found out she was pregnant with Gracie, and then had gone through the same thing eight months ago. She remembered well how it felt to wait for that alarm to go off, to let you know whether your life was about to change completely.

''Come on...!'' Daisy's eyes were glued to her phone screen. ''10, 9, 8…'' she whispered, counted down the last 10 seconds. ''…3, 2, 1, oh my god. This is it.''

Daisy looked up at Anna. ''Can you? I don't think I can do it.'' She nodded toward her pregnancy test resting on the sink, too afraid to move. Anna nodded silently and picked it up.

''So? _Am I or not?_ ''

Anna looked up from the test and paused.

''Oh, no…!'' The girl's eyes widened in fear, but Anna quickly interrupted.

''It's negative.''

''What?''

''You're not pregnant. It's negative.'' She smiled at her friend's obvious relief and set the test back down on the edge of the sink.

Before she managed to turn around, Daisy had already flung her arms around her. ''Oh, thank god!'' she cried over and over again, jumping up and down with Anna still in her embrace. ''Thank you for doing this with me, Anna,'' she exclaimed, finally letting go of her.

''Sure! But please be careful next time. And whatever you do, do not lie to William about protection, all right?''

''YES! I will _never_ do that again. Oh, my god!'' she said, closing her eyes in relief, and Anna could see that she had learned her lesson.

''Thank you! Thank you!'' Daisy repeated, not letting go of Anna until her pager went off. She had been gone for over half an hour, and Joe had some work for her to do. ''I need to run - Mr. Moseley needs me - but I can't tell you how thankful I am to you for doing this with me.''

''It's all right. I'm just glad it worked out the way you wanted it to.'' Anna smiled at her as she scurried out the door. Turning back to the sink, she started to clean up, but just as she was about to throw both of the tests into the bin, her eyes paused on hers and she did a double take. She picked it up and looked closer at the two clear dark red lines. This couldn't be correct, could it? But thinking it over, it made sense.

She had lost a lot of weight months ago, due to the stress of the whole Green and Paul mess, but had noticed a couple of days ago that she was finally beginning to fill out her jeans the way she used to. When she had mentioned it to John, he had teased her that she was thickening up a little from eating all the pies that he and Gracie had baked. She had laughed, glad that her body was finally returning to normal. But maybe these two red lines were the real reason.

Setting the test down again, Anna placed her hand on her lower belly and gazed at herself in the mirror, seeing reflected back a huge smile and bright, happy eyes. She felt so different this time. She wasn't scared or worried in the slightest; all she felt was pure joy. And she knew that John was going to be both ecstatic and proud - proud at the thought of becoming a father, but also proud of her for having grown so much...for not panicking, for finally leaving her experience with Paul behind, for truly trusting in him and their relationship.

Beaming, she rushed out of the bathroom, determined to pick up another test at the chemist on her way home. She was bursting with excitement, and wondered how she would be able to wait until she got home to tell - and show - John the wonderful news.

* * *

 **beta: ANNAMBATES! :))))))*********

 **surpriseeeeee! Anna is pregnant! :D yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay thanks for reading! :D**


	44. Nič ni tako, kot se zdi

**Chapter XLIV**

''Anna, we're home!'' John called, stepping into the flat. Anna had been busy; the flat looked very festive, decorated with balloons and happy birthday signs.

''Balloons!'' Gracie squealed. ''May I have one?''

''Sure, Munchkin.'' He smiled at her fondly. ''But first go upstairs and change your clothes. The guests will be here any minute now.'' He poked his head into the sitting room, where he could see that everything was already set up for the party, but Anna was nowhere to be found.

''Anna?'' he called, tossing his keys onto the shelf by the door, after Gracie went upstairs. Soft music was already playing; maybe she hadn't heard them coming home. Walking into the kitchen he finally saw her. She was standing by the sink, staring out of the window.

''Hello,'' he said gently, not wanting to startle her.

''Hi.'' She turned to look at him and smiled.

''Are you OK?'' He wrapped his arms around her waist, and placed a soft kiss on her neck.

''Sure, why wouldn't I be?'' She smiled again, and rested her head back against him.

''I don't know...you seem a thousand miles away...''

Oh, if he only knew the truth, she thought to herself happily. When she had run out of the loo at the office a few hours earlier, she had grabbed her handbag and made her way to the chemist. She had needed to make sure the test was accurate, so in the end she had bought six of them, and all six had told her what she had already known. There was a Baby Bates growing inside of her - half of her and half of him - and she had not been able to stop smiling since. She had reacted so differently to the news this time, and that had only proven to her that she was finally over what Paul had done to her and more than ready to move forward with John.

Once she had come down a bit from her high, she had scheduled an appointment with her gynaecologist, so they could make sure that everything was fine with the baby. She had then spent another half hour just sitting on the couch smiling, her hand resting on her belly, as she tried to imagine his face when she told him the good news. She'd known that he and Gracie wouldn't be home for another few hours, so she had occupied herself with preparing refreshments and decorating for the party; she had even blown up all the balloons.

''Because we can still cancel the party, if you're not feeling well,'' John added seriously.

''Oh, no, John Bates!'' Anna giggled, turning around and locking her hands around his neck. ''Nothing, and I mean _nothing_ , is going to stop this party from happening.''

''Well, you can't blame a guy for trying,'' he chuckled.

She was about to kiss him, when they heard a loud knock at the front door.

''They're here!'' she exclaimed happily.

''Maybe we can pretend that no one is home,'' he grinned, tightening the hold around her waist.

''Come in!'' she called, smacking his upper arm and pulling him into the entryway to greet their first guests.

 **xXx**

''Anna, where is John? I think we should cut the cak-...'' Mary walked into the kitchen as both Anna and John jumped away from each other's embrace.

''Oh, _here's_ the birthday boy, I see?'' she smirked, crossing her arms on her chest and grinning at their flushed faces. Anna had been fetching some forks when John had slipped his arms around her, and before she'd realized what was happening, he had turned her around and kissed her. He didn't know why, but she was absolutely glowing tonight, and he was finding her even more irresistible than usual.

''Umm...yes, let's cut the cake,'' John agreed quickly, taking the forks and disappearing out of the kitchen without so much as a glance at Mary. He had thought that he could have Anna to himself for a couple of minutes, but it seemed he had been wrong. Ever since the party had started, she had not had a moment to talk to him. James was staying with Jane this weekend, and it had been ages since Anna had seen him, so they had spent some time catching up. Between her long conversation with James and interacting with their other guests, Anna's time had been completely monopolised. So when John had seen her walk into the kitchen, he had slipped after her in hopes of stealing a few private moments.

''What?'' Anna asked Mary, who was still smiling at her. ''Why are you smiling like that?''

''No reason,'' Mary finally replied. ''I'm just happy that you two are happy, that's all.''

''We are - thank you.'' Anna smiled.

''I have the papers with me,'' Mary whispered. ''Is this a good time to give them to you? Or would you prefer...''

''Yes, now, please. Thank you so much!'' When they had returned from Scotland, the first thing Anna had done was to have a meeting with Mary. She had known exactly what she wanted to give John for his birthday. And now with the discovery that she was pregnant, everything seemed to be falling into place. John would be getting not just one, but _two_ children tonight, and Anna knew he would be over the moon about it.

''Does he suspect anything at all?'' Mary asked, as she pulled a set of documents out of her bag.

''Not a thing,'' Anna grinned. She slid the papers into a large white envelope that she and Gracie had prepared a few days ago, and then turned to get some plates out of the cabinet.

''He won't know what hit him,'' Mary smiled, walking over to help her get the plates down from the highest shelf. ''He'll be so happy!''

''Who will be happy?'' They jumped at the unexpected sound of John's voice from the doorway.

''Ummm…'' Anna panicked and stared at her friend, quietly begging her to say something, anything!

''Uh... _Matthew_ will be happy. I won the case we had been talking about and, well, I _won_.'' Mary had blurted out the first thing she could think of and hoped it had been convincing enough.

''Oh, OK - congratulations!'' John eyed her, wondering what was so special about winning another case, since she always seemed to win. He turned to Anna. ''Are you two coming? I am about to cut the cake, and…''

''Yes, yes - let's go.'' Anna moved away from Mary, taking his hand and pulling him back toward the party before he might suspect that anything was out of the ordinary.

 **xXx**

After the cake had been cut and eaten, they all gathered in the sitting room so that John could open his presents. He got many wonderful gifts, but just as Anna had promised, he was thrilled about the book of poetry from Jane and James.

''A pen?'' John raised his eyebrow and looked at Mary, when he opened the present from her and Matthew.

''I told you...we shouldn't have got him just a pen,'' Matthew said, turning to his wife. He had pulled a few strings to get John and Anna the best seats in the theatre at a highly sought-after production, but when he had finally secured them, Mary had phoned and told him to forget about the tickets, because they were buying John a pen instead.

''What's wrong with a pen?'' Mary smiled. ''You could sign important documents with this pen, John.''

''All right.'' John chuckled, not sure what she meant by that. ''Thank you all for making this such a special day,'' he added, when he saw that the pen was the last of the birthday gifts.

''You're not done yet,'' Anna piped up.

''I'm not?'' He looked in her direction, before Gracie walked over to him, holding an oversized white envelope decorated with a festive red bow and one of her own drawings on the front. In the drawing he could see himself, Anna, Gracie, and Joy, with a big _My Family_ sign written under the picture.

''What's this?'' He took the envelope from Gracie, and pulled her onto his lap. Looking up he could see everyone's eyes staring back at him. ''What's going on?'' he asked warily.

''I don't know,'' Robert answered, looking at his wife, asking silently if she knew anything about this. But she didn't; no one except Anna, Mary, and Gracie knew what was in the envelope.

''Come on, open it.'' Anna smiled, feeling butterflies in her stomach, knowing how thrilled he would be.

They had talked about him legally adopting Gracie when they got married, but Anna could not wait that long. They had decided not to tell anyone about their engagement for a while, but she had known that if she wanted to make this happen she would need to confide in Mary and somehow rely on her to keep her mouth shut. Mary had been thrilled at the news, and when Anna had asked her to help her with her little surprise, it really hadn't taken much to convince her. Mary had all the right contacts, people who could ensure that the adoption could happen immediately.

''OK.'' John smiled and started to open the envelope, wondering what could be in it.

''Hurry up, John!'' Gracie urged, making the whole room laugh.

''I'm hurrying.'' He smiled and kissed the top of her head, before pulling the papers out. Looking down he started to read, and he gasped when he understood what he was looking at.

''So? What does it say?'' Robert cut through the silence, wanting to know what had shocked his friend.

Looking up, John's teary eyes locked with Anna's. He knew they had talked about this, but he hadn't been expecting it to happen so soon.

''John?'' Robert tried again. ''What's going on?'' John was still staring at Anna, the first happy tear sliding down his cheek.

''Mary, would you please hand me that lovely pen?'' John said.

''I told you that you'd need it,'' Mary chuckled, passing him his birthday pen.

''Would someone please explain what's going on?'' Robert asked again, his patience running out. He knew that something important was happening in front of them, but had no idea what it was. ''What did Anna get him?''

''Adoption papers,'' Anna finally said, still gazing at John, who was already signing them.

''What?!'' Cora, Edith, and Sybil exclaimed simultaneously. ''Congratulations!''

''Done!'' John announced and stood up with Gracie still in his arms, making his way to Anna. Reaching her, he wrapped his free hand around her waist and brought her closer, losing no time in placing a kiss on her lips, not giving a damn that they had an audience.

''Th-...thank you,'' he said hoarsely, touching his forehead to hers, seeing that she had tears in her eyes just as he did. ''Thank you so much.'' He kissed her again, beaming. He could scarcely believe that Gracie was now legally his and Anna's daughter, and he was so ecstatic that he felt light-headed.

''Can I say it now?'' Gracie looked at her mother, who nodded. Turning to John, she took a deep breath and announced, ''Welcome to the family… _Daddy_.''

 **xXx**

''What a day!'' John sighed, throwing himself onto the bed. It was past eleven, and with the last of the guests finally out of the flat, he was just now getting the chance to start processing what had happened tonight. He was a father - Gracie was now legally his daughter.

''I can't tell you how happy you've made me tonight. And don't tell Robert, but your gift was much, much better than his.'' He chuckled, sitting up to remove his shoes and socks.

''Your secret is safe with me,'' Anna called from the bathroom where she was getting ready. He had no idea that his birthday was far from over, she thought to herself with a grin.

''My god, I love you so much,'' she heard him say, before she finally walked into the bedroom. He hadn't noticed her yet, preoccupied with one of his shoelaces, which had gotten tangled.

''You know, I think we should do something together tomorrow, you know, like a proper family. What do you think…ooohhh my god...'' he hissed, when he looked up and saw her standing by the door.

She was wearing a sky blue lace lingerie set under a silky white open robe. But what made John's breath really catch was a matching blue garter resting on the middle of her milky thigh.

''You were saying?'' she teased, when she saw the way he was staring at her.

''Ummm…'' was the only response he could muster, making Anna giggle before she took a step toward the end of the bed. ''Are you all right?'' she asked, when she saw him glued to the spot, staring at her and having trouble breathing. She always looked amazing, but seeing her like this, he could feel himself hardening just looking at her.

''Uh...wha-...what's all this?'' he choked, letting the shoe he was holding fall to the floor.

''Why don't you come here and find out?'' she whispered, and it took him no time to crawl to the end of the bed.

''Did you buy this just for my birthday?'' He slowly let his gaze drift from her pierced bellybutton to her face, while she locked her hands around his neck.

''I did.'' She bit the inside of her cheek, as he slowly pushed her robe fully open, slid one of his arms around her waist, and pulled her closer to him. ''Do you like it?''

''Like it?'' he chuckled, and placed a gentle kiss between her breasts. ''I _love_ it.'' His other hand trailed along her shoulders and slowly pushed the robe off.

''You're gorgeous,'' he whispered, his hand skimming down her body until it reached the garter.

Running the silky material between his fingers, he groaned against her skin, and before she knew it, he had pulled her with him down onto the bed.

''John!'' she squealed, laughing. But it was as if he never heard. He was half lying on top of her, his lips placing warm kisses all over her body, his fingers desperate to touch her. They stayed like this for a couple of minutes more until it got to be too much for him. Moving away, he yanked his shirt over his head and, with her help, removed his jeans.

''Aside from the adoption papers, I think this is definitely the best birthday gift I have ever received,'' he said, lying back down next to her. ''You can't begin to imagine how this makes me feel.''

''I think I can,'' she giggled, feeling him hard against her. But she knew she had to slow him down. There was still something important that she needed to tell him before she would let them completely enjoy his birthday gift.

''You naughty girl,'' he chuckled, pressing his hips against her and eliciting a moan from her.

He teased her for a while, painfully slowly - kissing her passionately, his fingers running gently up and down her body, but still not removing her lacy garments. Leaving her lips he made his way down her neck, stopping at her collarbone for a few moments before continuing his path down. Anna's eyes drifted shut.

''I think, I'm ready to unwrap my present now,'' he finally whispered.

''Are you really?'' she teased, opening her eyes to look at him. She could see the need in his eyes, but she wanted to pause for a minute before things got out of hand, which was much harder that she had thought it would be, especially with him touching her like this.

''John?'' she forced herself to say. ''John?''

''What?'' he mumbled, his hand already sneaking around her back.

''Ummm…'' she gasped.

''You were saying?'' he chuckled and continued his caresses, until she forced herself to stop him, pulling his hand away from her back.

''Anna…?'' He looked up, not sure why she had stopped him. ''Have I done something wrong?'' he asked, unable to read her expression.

''No, no. It's just...I have another present for you,'' she smiled.

''Can it wait?'' he asked, his lips exploring her breasts. ''I'm kind of busy right now...''

''It could, but I'd rather...oh, god...'' she gasped, instinctively arching her back up when she felt his tongue caressing her nipple through the lacy material.

''Is the gift _on_ you?'' he interrupted playfully, sensing she was enjoying what he was doing.

''Sort of.''

''Sort of?'' he chuckled and moved away from her breasts, continuing his trail of kisses down her body.

''Am I close?'' he asked. He had no idea what game she was playing, but he decided to go along with her.

''Almost,'' she replied, and felt a tingle of excitement as she felt his lips moving further down.

''How about now?'' He was sure he knew what she had in mind, but oh, how wrong he was.

His wet lips trailed down her belly, and when he stopped just under her navel, a few inches above her knickers, she finally said, ''Yes...Happy Birthday, Mr. Bates.''

''But I'm not there yet,'' he whispered, tucking his finger inside the waistband of her panties, attempting to slide them down her legs, oblivious to what she was really trying to tell him.

''Yes, you are,'' she giggled, when he continued nibbling on her skin.

''No, I'm not,'' he chuckled, thinking that she was just teasing him.

''But you _are_.'' She stopped him from moving down further by placing her hand on his shoulder, when she felt his lips kissing her lower belly. He had no idea that he was communicating with their baby for the very first time, letting him or her know he was there.

''Anna…'' he groaned and looked up, trying to understand why was she kept stopping him from continuing his path down. But all he could see was her beaming at him with a special sparkle in her eyes.

''What?'' he asked. ''Why are you smiling like that?''

''You are a very lucky man, John. This doesn't happen often, you know,'' she said, running her fingers thought his dark locks.

''Anna, what are you talking about? What doesn't happen often?'' he asked, resting himself on his elbows.

''Finding out you're going to become the father of _two_ in one day.''

''Wha-…?'' He shook his head, not understanding. What was she talking about?

Seeing his confusion, she took his hand in hers, and gently placed his palm on her belly, hoping he would finally understand.

John looked down silently at his hand and then again at her, his expression going from clueless to surprised and joyful in a millisecond, when the penny finally dropped. ''No...!''

''Yes.'' She nodded and laughed, seeing him staring back at her with awe.

''Re-…really?'' he asked, still not quite believing it could be true.

''Really.''

''Say it. Say it out loud or I won't believe it.'' He pulled himself closer to her, tears pricking the backs of his eyes.

She took his face in her palms and said, ''John, I'm pregnant.''

''Pregnant...!'' he gasped. His Anna was pregnant with their child, and what was most important was that she wasn't running away. She was here, in their bed, happily sharing the glorious news with him.

''Yes, I'm pregnant,'' she repeated and giggled, thrilled to see him so happy.

''Are you sure?'' He moved even closer and just stared at her. He finally understood why she looked so different today. She was glowing, and it made his heart burst with happiness.

''Well, I do have 7 positive pregnancy tests to prove it,'' she laughed.

''7?!'' He laughed with her.

''Well, I had to be sure, before I told you.''

''When did you find out?'' He quickly shifted his full body weight onto his arms, holding himself up completely away from her, not wanting to put any pressure on her body.

''Today.''

''Oh, my god!'' Could this day get any better? First the adoption papers, now this?! He really was the luckiest man in the entire world. ''This is perfect... _you_ are perfect!'' He laughed and gave her another kiss before lowering himself to face her abdomen once again.

''Hello, little one. It's your daddy here,'' he whispered against her skin, gently kissing it and making Anna's heart melt. ''I know you are probably too tiny to understand this, but I want you to know how much you are already loved. You are loved so, so much.'' His voice cracked at the enormity of it.

As he rested his head gently on her belly for a couple of minutes more, she buried her fingers in his hair, giving him time for everything to sink in.

''I love you,'' he whispered, finally moving up and lying next to her, his hand protectively glued to the spot where their child would slowly make itself know to the world. He brushed his fingers over her skin, tickling her in the process. ''And Gracie and this little one. I love all of you so much.'' His eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

''And we love you,'' she answered, pulling him closer for a kiss.

''What?'' she asked when she felt him moving away.

''Uh, well…can we still...?'' he asked shyly, glancing down at her body.

''John...'' she giggled at the worried look on his face.

''What? I've never made love with a pregnant woman before and…''

''I bloody hope you haven't,'' she interrupted, laughing. He looked absolutely adorable to her right now.

''The point is…'' he chuckled and continued, ''I don't want to hurt you or her, so…''

''Her?'' She eyed him curiously.

''Yes, _her_ ,'' he replied firmly.

''How do you know it's a girl?''

''I just do.''

Anna smiled. He was the best...the sweetest man ever!

''Well, I don't think you can hurt me or _her_ , but if you are worried, we can go really slowly.'' She bit her lower lip.

''Slow is good, isn't it?'' he asked, lowering himself back down on her as gently as he was able.

''Slow is very good,'' she said giggling, when he captured her lips all over again, thanking her for the two best birthday gifts he had ever received.

 **xXx**

''John?'' Anna mumbled in her half-sleep, feeling his hand once again making small circles on her lower belly.

''What?'' he asked dreamily. After they had both come down from their high, Anna had quickly fallen asleep, exhausted from the events of the day. John, on the other hand, couldn't close his eyes for a second. He had just stared at her as she slept, the happiest smile on his face. One of their little girls was sleeping in her bed down the hall, while the other one was growing safely inside of Anna, the love of his life, and he couldn't wait to tell the world about it.

''I know you're happy about the news, but you have to stop tickling me,'' she muttered and rolled onto her side, burrowing her face into the crook of his neck. ''I need my beauty sleep.''

''No, you don't. You are already beautiful,'' he chuckled and moved his hand around her, pressing her even closer to him. ''How could this have happened, Anna?''

''Don't you think it's a little late for _the talk,_ John?''

''Very funny, Miss Smith.'' He kissed the top of her head. ''But really - how far along do you think you are?''

''I have no idea,'' she said, and snuggled in closer to him. ''Although...considering we've been using protection all along, except for that time when you surprised me in the shower and later in the bath, I'd say I'm about 6 weeks.''

''Oh, yeah.'' John laughed. ''That was nice.''

''Give yourself some credit. It was more than _nice_ , John.'' She kissed his chest.

''Gracie will be so excited when we tell her,'' he added after a few minutes of silence, pleased at the thought of his little girl becoming a big sister to another little girl.

''She will be,'' Anna agreed, remembering how many times she had asked for a sibling when she was younger. ''But you do know that we can't tell anyone. Not yet, anyway. Not until we make sure everything is all right.''

''Everything is going to be perfect.'' John kissed her temple reassuringly. ''When is your first appointment?''

''On Monday, at 2:00 p.m. You will go with me, won't you?''

''Are you kidding? Of course I'll go with you! I'm not missing a thing!''

''Good.'' It felt wonderful to know that he would be there for her every step of the way. She'd had to do everything by herself when she had been pregnant with Gracie. She had handled everything just fine then, but it was nice to know that this time around she would have the support and love that she and their baby deserved.

''Thank you,'' he whispered against her hair.

''For what?''

''For everything.'' He turned onto his side to face her. ''For giving me the best gift a woman can give a man…twice in one day.'' He chuckled before continuing. ''For not pushing me away this time.'' He needed her to know how proud he was that she wasn't controlled by her old fears any longer.

''Not a chance.'' She looked him directly in the eye. ''I'm not letting anyone or anything take you away from me ever again. You are stuck with me, Mr. Bates - for good and proper.''

''Oh, am I now?'' he teased, and closed the gap between them before she could reply. He immediately deepened the kiss, and she moaned into his mouth, pressing her warm bare skin against his. He held her close for a minute before shifting to get out of bed.

''Wait - where are you going?'' she complained, her eyes still closed.

''It's 5:00 in the morning,'' he replied simply, giving her another peck. He could tell that she did not like the idea of him stopping what he had just started, not after a kiss like that. But as he did every morning, he was going out for his daily run.

''Do you really have to?'' she groaned when he slipped out from under the covers, the cold morning air hitting her naked body.

''I don't want to, but you know I have to.'' He pulled a T-shirt over his head. He knew she understood that he had to do this every morning. It was therapeutic for him and cleared his head before starting the day. ''And I seem to recall that _someone_ made me miss yesterday's run.'' He smiled, remembering how they had spent the early hours of the previous morning.

Rolling onto his side of the bed, she watched him dress. ''Well, it _was_ your birthday.''

''The best birthday I've ever had,'' he smiled, pulling on his trainers.

She had made him the happiest he had ever been in the space of one day. The only thing missing right now was the fact that they were not married yet. ''How about if we set the date for the wedding when I get back?''

''What?'' she smiled. ''Are you serious? We haven't even told our families about our engagement.''

''I know, and we will tell them soon, I promise. But right now I don't think I can wait any longer. I need us to set the date...I need to know when you are going to make me the happiest man in the world all over again. I need to know, Anna, or I'll go mad.'' They might not have been married yet, but he was glowing with happiness already.

''All right.'' She lay back on her side and stared at him. ''Go for your run, and when you come back, we'll set the date.'' She giggled, happy to see him so excited.

''But could you go for a _short_ run, please? It's Saturday, and I think the baby and I will definitely need a cuddle before starting our day.'' She smiled, seeing his grin when she mentioned the baby... _their_ baby!

Fully dressed and ready to go, he walked over to her, placed a long, deep kiss on her lips, and said, ''I'll be right back - I promise.''

.

.

.

But he wasn't.

* * *

 **beta: annambates ;) thank you...**

 **hi guys...please don't hate me... :O**


	45. Ravna črta

**Chapter XLV**

The only thing John could hear was a loud ringing in his ears mixed with the sound of a siren and all kinds of electronic beeps.

''Sir, can you hear me?'' a woman's voice asked several times. He finally managed to open his eyes halfway, but still could not see anything other than a few blurred colours across his field of vision. ''Sir? Can you tell me your name?''

''His name is John Bates!'' Tom Branson's voice said from the driver's seat of the ambulance. He had been just about to wrap up his night shift, when they had gotten a call about an accident.

''Is he conscious?'' another voice asked.

''Barely. I don't think he can hear us.''

Pain. That was all John could feel. Every part of his body was in excruciating pain, and he had no idea what was going on around him.

''Sir? You've been in an accident, and we are taking you to hospital,'' one of the paramedics explained, while she examined his eyes with a small torch.

An accident? Hospital? The last thing he could remember was running along the pavement and then...nothing. He could not remember a thing after that. What was going on?

''I need oxygen!'' the woman said, when she saw John was having trouble breathing. He tried to speak, but couldn't. Suddenly a mask covered his mouth and nose, and for a second he felt some relief, but not for long.

''Check his leg again.'' A voice brought him back to awareness. ''Brian! For fuck's sake, just check it!'' The voice grew louder, and he could hear someone reply, but he couldn't make out the words.

His leg? What was wrong with his leg?! He was about to try and speak again, when he tasted something metallic, following quickly by the feeling of warm fluid invading his mouth.

''He's bleeding!'' a man yelled, removing the mask from John's face, so he wouldn't choke on his own blood.

''Shit! He's bleeding internally!'' the other voice said, and shouted again, asking for something John could not understand.

''Floor it, Tom!'' John heard two loud bangs somewhere behind his head.

He was panicking inside. He wanted to say something...to move...but he couldn't. Two strong hands were holding him in place, and he heard a voice saying something he could not understand. He could feel that he was going to lose his consciousness, as if something was drawing the life out of him. He felt warm blood running down his neck, but he had never felt as cold as he did in that moment.

Several different voices were talking at the same time, but he couldn't follow any of them.

''I need the…''

''…come on…give me the..."

"Faster…!''

"Now!" was the last thing he heard before a strange tingle went through his entire body. He could feel panic in the air. Something was very, very wrong.

Was this it? Was this the way he was going to die, John asked somewhere deep inside of himself, as the warmth left his body. He was in so much pain that he could not even feel it anymore, and he was so very cold.

And all he could think about was Anna...Gracie…the baby…before he sensed that he was losing the battle with himself, that his eyes were closing completely and forever.

''He's going into shock!''

''Sir, stay with me! Do you hear me?! Stay with me, John!''

''We're losing him!''

''Don't you dare die on me, you hear!? Don't you dare!'' the woman shouted, before the flat piercing sound of the heart rate monitor filled the ambulance.

''NO! NO! NO! Pads!'' she yelled, standing up but almost falling over John when the ambulance ran over a pothole.

''Charge it NOW!'' In the next second a surge of electricity went through John's entire body, but there was no response. ''Again!''

John's battered body jumped limply into the air with each successive shock, until the ambulance finally sped up to the emergency room entrance. The paramedics threw open the door and immediately began to move the trolley in the direction of the entrance. But aside from the jumble of panicked voices, the only thing that could be heard was the loud sound of a flat line coming from the monitor.

* * *

 **beta: annambates! :D thank you and sorry I've made you do ^^ :O :'(**

 **...**


	46. Bo?

**Chapter XLVI**

Hit by a car.

Those four short words echoed in Anna's head as she ran down the hospital corridor with Sybil by her side. It felt like the world had stopped turning when Sybil and Tom had knocked on her door just after 6:30 a.m., saying that John had been the victim of a hit-and-run accident.

''Where is he?'' she asked in a panic, when she arrived at the waiting room and saw both Robert and Cora pacing nervously. Tom had told her that the situation wasn't good, but as he had been driving the ambulance rather than monitoring John, he hadn't been privy to all the information about his medical status.

''Anna…'' Robert turned to her, and from the look on his face Anna knew that the situation was grave.

''Where is he?'' she cried, throwing her arms around him and bursting into tears.

Robert had no idea what to say. When his youngest daughter had rung and told him what had happened, his first reaction had been shock. If Cora hadn't been with him, he was sure he would be still standing in the middle of the bedroom in stunned silence.

''Oh, Anna...'' he whispered, feeling her body shaking against his.

'' _No_ , Robert…!'' she said, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Even thinking about the possibility of life without John was too much for her. ''Don't you dare tell me that he's…'' she began, but she couldn't force herself to finish her sentence.

''They haven't told us much, only that he is still alive...but...I think it's bad.'' He and Cora had tried to get as much information as they possibly could, while waiting for Sybil to bring Anna to the hospital. But since they weren't family and John had put Anna's name down as his emergency contact, all they could find out was that John was still in the operating room.

''No, no, don't say that!'' Tears streamed down her ashen face. ''Please don't say that!'' Robert blinked back tears of his own as he held her tightly.

''Anna…''

''He went for a run! For a fucking run!'' Anna sobbed. ''He promised he'd be right back!'' She looked up at him and grasped at his shoulders. ''He _promised_!''

What was the matter with her? Was she jinxed? Every time her life started to fall into place, something went terribly wrong. Just a couple of hours ago, John had been lying in their warm bed, his hand resting on her belly, thrilled at the prospect of being a father. Her lower lip trembled at the memory, especially when she recalled complaining that he'd woken her up. What wouldn't she give to feel his hand on her belly now...to have him wake her up again, no matter how early it was or how tired she might be.

''Why don't we all sit dow-…'' Cora suggested.

''I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN!'' Anna snapped. ''I WANT TO SEE HIM!''

''Cora...I'm sorry…'' she whispered right away, knowing that she had only been trying to help.

''It's all right. I can only imagine how you must be feeling,'' Cora murmured, and turned to her daughter. ''Can you tell the nurse that Anna is here?''

''Of course...I'll be right back.'' Sybil walked toward the nurses' station.

Even though Anna didn't want to sit, Robert slowly pulled her down into one of the plastic chairs and simply held her. He was just as frightened as Anna was...maybe even more so, as he had seen the look on the nurse's face when he and Cora had asked about John's condition.

''Miss Smith?'' Anna looked up and saw one of the nurses walking toward them, with Sybil following close behind.

''Yes?!'' She stood up quickly and wiped some of the tears from her face.

'''Would you mind coming with me so we can speak frankly, please?''

''Please - just tell me…'' Anna almost choked on her tears, seeing the nurse's expression.

''Miss...'' the nurse began again, but Anna cut her off. ''Anything you need to say to me, you can say in front of them!''

''All right.'' The woman nodded before continuing. ''Mr. Bates is still in surgery. He has extremely severe injuries …''

''What kind of injuries!?'' Anna interrupted, wrapping her arms around her chest. She needed to know exactly what was happening to John, no matter how bad it was.

Taking a deep breath, the woman began, ''First of all, I'm sorry to inform you, but Mr. Bates suffered cardiac arrest on his way to hospital. The paramedics were unable to revive him…''

''What?!'' She might have collapsed from shock, if Robert hadn't quickly stood up and put his arm around her shoulders.

''…The doctors in the emergency room managed to save him, but his vitals are still not stable. The impact of the car did a lot of damage to his body. He is bleeding internally. He has several fractured ribs, which have unfortunately punctured his right lung…'' The nurse continued to relate the details of John's condition, but it was as if Anna's brain had shut down. She could hear everything the woman was saying, but it felt like she was passively observing someone else's conversation. She felt trapped in a terrible nightmare, an alternate version of reality that she wasn't about to escape from any time soon.

''…I'm not going to lie, Miss Smith. Dr. Ellingham's team is doing their best, but…you should prepare yourself for the worst.''

Anna felt her legs give way, and Robert eased her back into the chair. Once again tears spilled down her cheeks as she wept silently, her head down and her arms wrapped around herself. She wasn't strong enough for this. She _couldn't_ lose him, not like this...and not now, when their life together was just about to begin.

But...she hadn't lost him...not yet. John was still fighting for his life and, while there was nothing concrete that she could do to help him, she knew that she had to try to be strong for his sake. She sat up a bit straighter and wiped her face with her sleeves. All she could really do at this point was to be here for him, to hope that he would have the strength to survive this...and to pray that their luck had not finally run out.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: annambates! THANK YOU xoxoxoXOXOXoxoxo :D**

 **hello reader! :D :D how are you? :O :O...**


	47. Stabilen

**Chapter XLVII**

The one thing that Anna Smith hated most in life was waiting. Even as a little girl, she had always found all sorts of ways to occupy herself – climbing trees, reading lots of books, helping her parents in the pub, rollerblading around the neighbourhood. When she was about six years old, she had even decided to save every homeless kitten in York, bringing a new kitten home every week and driving both George and Alice crazy. She had been an energetic child, always exploring, learning new things, filling her days with exciting new activities. Her worst punishment had been when people had told her that she needed to wait for something. Even now, after so many years, she still hated the fact that she sometimes had to wait days for a jury to come to a final decision on a case.

Wanting to do something and yet being unable to was Anna Smith's worst enemy, and that was exactly her situation right now - pacing uselessly in the waiting room, waiting to get an update about John's status, and not able to do anything to make things better or even to get information more quickly. She hated feeling so helpless.

This wasn't just a bad dream; it was really happening, she thought to herself. It was past 9:00 a.m., and as far as they knew, John was still in surgery. They hadn't had any updates since the conversation with the nurse when Anna had first arrived. The only new information that they'd had was not medical - Anna had been informed that the police were working on finding the driver of the vehicle that had hit John.

''Coffee?'' Robert's voice startled her out of her thoughts and she opened her eyes.

''No, thank you.''

She stared out the window, focusing her gaze on the street below. She could see people walking along the pavement, perhaps running errands or just taking a stroll, enjoying their Saturday morning. The whole world was active and moving, except her.

''Are you sure?'' Robert tried again. "You need to have something. Have you had anything at all today?" Like Anna, he had no idea what to do with himself. Cora had left half an hour earlier to reschedule his appointments for the day, and Sybil had gone to check on Gracie, who had been left in Tom and little Sybbie's care when they had left for the hospital. Robert and Anna were the only ones left in the waiting room.

''I don't need anything,'' she replied absently. She had run out of tears several hours ago, and her efforts at trying to stay calm - for the baby's sake as much as her own - had left her feeling a bit numb. Like so many times in her life, she needed to stay strong and hope that everything would turn out. John needed to survive this - he _had_ to recover - there was just too much at stake, too many things to look forward to, she told herself repeatedly.

''Do you want to talk?'' Robert broke the silence again. He really had no idea what to do or say. His best friend was in critical condition, and like Anna he felt completely powerless, but he knew that John would want him to look after Anna as best as he could. ''I mean, we don't need to talk, ummm...it's just…''

''I'm pregnant,'' Anna said abruptly, catching him completely off-guard.

''What?'' He stared at her, his mouth hanging open.

''I'm pregnant,'' she repeated, and shifted her gaze away from the busy street to him.

''Does…does John know?''

''I told him yesterday after the party.'' She smiled weakly at the memory. ''Oh, Robert - you should have seen the look on his face when I told him. He was so happy.''

''I bet he was,'' he grinned, knowing full well that John had wanted children of his own for as long as they had known each other. ''Is everything OK with…?''

''I don't know yet. I was supposed to have my first exam on Monday, but…''

''Supposed to?'' Robert frowned. ''What do you mean?''

''I'm not going without him.'' Anna turned around completely and leaned against the windowsill, staring directly into his eyes. ''I can't face even thinking about this baby, if there is a possibility that John won't be here to…to…'' Her voice cracked and she looked away.

''Hey, hey - come here.'' Robert opened his arms and pulled her into his embrace. ''Don't say that. He's going to be all right, OK?'' he whispered and kissed the crown of her head. ''He'll survive this.''

''Promise?'' She tightened her hold around him, aware that Robert couldn't guarantee anything. But John's best friend was the only support she had until her parents and Liz and Steve arrived, and right now she needed some reassurance, even if it was just empty words.

''Anna…'' Robert exhaled, choosing his words carefully. ''Listen - John is a fighter; he's always been one. We both know that.'' He continued softly, ''You and Gracie mean the world to him, and knowing about this baby just gives him one more reason to fight.''

''Thank you, Robert.'' Anna hugged him again, grateful for his presence and support, as well as his deep friendship with John over so many years.

''And don't forget that John has survived much worse things than being hit by a car,'' he added after a pause.

''Like what?'' She looked up and saw a shaky smile on his face.

''Vera,'' Robert chuckled. ''If he survived her, I'm sure he can survive anything,'' he added, and for the first time since leaving her flat this morning Anna laughed. Moving away from her, he touched her arm and made her look up.

''Anna, all you have to know is that John loves you and Gracie more than life itself. The family you are creating together is everything he's ever wanted in life, and I have to believe that he's going to pull through because he has so much to live for. But no matter what happens, please promise me that you'll do your best to make sure this baby will be all right. OK?'' His voice cracked.

''Robert…'' She shook her head, trying to turn her gaze away from him, but his voice drew her back.

''Anna, promise me!'' he said roughly. ''Promise me that you'll do everything in your power to make sure that this child is safe!'' He was on the verge of tears. ''Because if this goes wrong…''

''Robert, please!'' Anna said, silently begging him not to give voice to what they both feared, feeling new fresh tears pricking at the backs of her eyes.

''…if...if he doesn't make it...this child is the only thing he'd left behind,'' he forced himself to say, before he broke down. He had never in his life cried in front of anyone except Cora, but right now, he didn't give a damn about what was proper. His best friend was lying on the operating table in critical condition, and every minute that passed took a piece of his hope away. ''Promise me!'' he implored. ''Please...!''

''I promise...I promise...'' Anna repeated, when Robert slowly pulled them back down onto the chairs.

They sat in silence for a stretch of time. The clock on the wall showed that it was already past ten when the big door behind them finally opened. Looking up, they saw a tall man approaching them.

''Miss Smith?''

''Yes...how…how is he?'' Anna rose to her feet immediately, staring directly into the man's tired eyes. She couldn't read his expression - was he bringing them good news or bad? He was still in his blue scrubs, and the blood stains visible on the edges of his trousers made her feel even sicker that she already did.

Pulling the sweaty scrub cap off of his head, he offered Anna his hand. ''I'm Doctor Martin Ellingham, one of the surgeons who operated on Mr. Bates.''

''How is he?'' Anna asked again, still unable to read the man. The only thing preventing her from bursting into tears was the doctor's calm. Surely he would be more on edge if something had gone wrong? But on the other hand, he was probably accustomed to telling people that their loved ones had not survived.

''He isn't out of the woods just yet, but for the moment Mr. Bates is…stable,'' the doctor finally said, allowing Anna and Robert to breathe normally again. John was alive!

''His right lung did collapse, having been punctured by one of the broken ribs. We've inserted a chest tube and he seems to be breathing more comfortably for now.'' He signaled to them to sit down and he took a seat next to Anna. ''He's suffered severe internal bleeding. His liver is still in a pretty poor shape, but we believe that if everything else goes smoothly, it should repair itself, given time. But…''

''But what?'' Anna could feel a lump in her throat.

''Unfortunately, we had to remove his right kidney. The impact of the car was so forceful that it literally tore the kidney apart. Removing it was the safest thing we could do for him.''

''All right.'' Millions of people around the world lived full lives with just one kidney, Anna tried to reassure herself. ''Anything else?''

''Sadly...yes.'' Dr. Ellingham looked down for a split second before continuing. After years of doing this, it was still hard to come out to the waiting room and tell the families what had gone wrong. ''He has an open fracture of his right knee. We managed to patch him up for now, but he will likely need orthopaedic surgery in the near future, if we want to give him a chance at walking normally again.''

''But he _will_ walk again, right?'' Robert interjected.

''I can't promise anything, but we'll do our best,'' Dr. Ellingham replied. ''You must understand - his body has suffered an enormous trauma. The...''

Something in his voice made Anna's stomach sink. ''There is more, isn't there...?''

''Yes…'' the doctor nodded, taking a deep breath. ''As the nurse already told you, his heart stopped on the way to hospital, and the cardiac arrest prevented his brain from getting adequate oxygen for a brief time…''

''Oh my god.'' Anna covered her mouth with her palm. ''Does that mean…his brain…?''

''No, no,'' he reassured her. ''His brain functions appear normal. Of course, we won't know for sure until we are able to run some additional tests, but right now everything indicates that he has only suffered a mild concussion.''

''What is it, then?'' Robert asked impatiently.

''Mr. Bates's body is very weak at the moment, and needs to direct all its energy into trying to repair the damage in many areas. So the best thing we could do for him - to encourage the healing process - was to put him into an artificial coma.''

''What?!'' Anna and Robert asked simultaneously.

''Miss Smith…'' the doctor said gently. ''Mr. Bates is alive. Considering all he has been through, he is actually in surprisingly good condition, probably thanks in large part to his relatively high level of physical fitness. Right now his vitals have stabilised. The coma just gives him the time and the best possible conditions for his body to begin healing itself. Do you understand?''

''Yes.'' Anna managed to nod. John's situation was bad - worse than she could have imagined - but at least he was alive, and the doctor sounded cautiously optimistic that his body could heal. That's all that mattered right now.

''Can he have visitors?'' Robert asked.

''He can, but only one of you,'' he replied and stood up, with Anna and Robert following.

''Thank you, Dr. Ellingham,'' Anna said. ''Thank you so much.''

''The next few days will be crucial, but in the meantime, I suggest that you try to stay positive.''

''We will, thank you.'' She turned to Robert. ''Do you mind if I…''

''Anna, of course not - go. He needs you!'' he smiled shakily. ''I'll ring everybody and let them know the latest.''

''Thank you.'' Anna squeezed Robert's hand before following Dr. Ellingham to finally see John. This was the moment she had both dreaded and longed for since she had set foot in the hospital. She was apprehensive about seeing him so badly injured, but she also couldn't wait to see him for herself and begin doing what she could to support him, hoping that her presence might in some way help give him the strength to fight...both for his life and for their future.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: annambates! xoxoxoxox THANK YOU! :)**

 **thank you for reading and a big THANK YOU for all your wonderful reviews! :D they mean the world to us! :D*****

 **\+ Dr. Ellingham is a character from ITV medical comedy drama Doc Martin! :D go and check it out if you haven't already...it's brilliant! :D :D**

 **\+ Merry late Christmas from miss-ute &annambates team! :)** **


	48. Potrebujemo te

**Chapter XLVIII**

''Miss Smith…'' Dr Ellingham began tentatively, as they walked down the hallway of the intensive care unit.

''Yes?'' She turned her head to look at him.

''I don't wish to scare you, but I need you to prepare yourself before entering Mr. Bates's room,'' he said. ''He is covered with bruises and cuts, and is currently attached to a number of machines. Sometimes people are quite shocked at the sight.''

''All right,'' Anna said, steadying herself. She didn't give a damn about John's appearance - all she wanted was to see him, to make sure that he really was alive...and yet she also realized that she might not be fully prepared emotionally for this moment.

''Here we are,'' he said, stopping in front of John's room. ''Would you like me to go in with you?'' he asked, when he saw her hesitating. He knew that she was steeling herself to enter; it wasn't easy to open the door and walk in, knowing your loved one was lying inside, suffering from life-threatening injuries.

''No, I'll be all right. But thank you.'' She smiled shakily. ''Ummm, ca-…can I touch him…? I mean…''

''Certainly. Talk to him, touch him. Just don't touch any of the machines and you'll be all right,'' he reassured her.

''Thank you.''

''I won't be far, if you need me, and a nurse will be nearby at all times.'' He smiled politely and walked away, leaving her standing in front of the closed door.

Closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths, Anna finally turned the door handle and slowly pushed the door open. Cold mechanical beeps immediately filled her ears, and there was an odd scent in the air. She had tried to ready herself, but no one - not she nor any doctor - could have prepared her for what she saw next. John was lying unconscious in the hospital bed, all kinds of tubes coming out of him, and attached to a myriad of machines.

''Good god,'' she whispered to herself, freezing in place and covering her mouth with her hand. It was so much worse than she had been expected.

Stepping closer, she could see his face and his upper torso covered in dozens of bruises, which had already turned black and blue. He was as pale as a sheet, and the only thing that convinced her he was still alive was the sound of the steady beating of his heart coming from one the monitors next to him.

''Oh, John...'' she whispered, stopping by the side of the bed. He had a split lower lip, and bruises on one of his cheekbones and his forehead. He looked like he had been hit by a train, not just a car.

Her gaze slowly travelled over his broken body, down to his smashed knee. It took everything she had to hold back her tears, but she couldn't take the chance of him hearing her. She knew it hurt him when she cried, so right now she needed to stay strong for him. As gently as she was able, she took his hand in hers and traced her thumb up and down his skin. He was warm, but he looked nothing like himself - nothing like the John she knew.

As she continued to stare at him, a tear escaped and slid down her cheek.

''Jo-…'' she began, lowering her face closer to his, but her voice caught. This was so damn hard. She needed to take a few deep breaths before she continued.

''John? It's me…Anna.'' she whispered into his ear and tenderly moved that stubborn lock of hair off of his forehead.

''You are going to be all right, OK?'' She closed her eyes, inhaling his scent that she loved so much. ''I'm here, Robert is here, your Mum and Steve are on their way. We are all here for you, John. Just don't stop fighting, all right? Don't you dare stop fighting, not for a second.'' She rested her forehead on his before softly whispering, ''Gracie needs you. _Our baby_ needs you. _I_ need you.''

''You just take all the time you need to get yourself better, OK? I'll be right here, waiting for you.'' She kissed his bruised cheek gently. Pulling a chair up to the bed, she sat down and simply stared at him, her fingers still intertwined with his. It hurt her so much to see her big, strong John looking so small and fragile.

She sat there silently for some time until the door behind her slowly opened.

''Miss Smith?'' the nurse called softly from the doorway.

''Yes?'' Anna replied, not taking her gaze off of John.

''The police are here to see you. They say that they would like to speak to you about Mr. Bates's accident.''

''Can you let them in?'' She already knew the answer, but she really didn't want to leave John's side.

''I'm afraid not,'' the nurse said as she entered the room. She had worked in the ICU for 15 years, and she knew how hard it was for family members to leave their loved ones alone, afraid of returning to find that they were gone forever. ''Miss Smith…''

''Can you tell them I'll be right there?'' Anna replied, still staring at John.

''Certainly.'' The nurse slipped out of the room.

As slowly as possible, Anna got up from her seat, bent down over John and whispered, ''I'll be right back, all right?'' Kissing his cheek, she added, "I love you, John."

With that said, she let go of his hand and stepped out of the room quietly. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against the wall, shut her eyes and, for what felt like the millionth time that day, took several deep breaths. Yes, he was in bad shape, but he was _alive_. And she needed to be thankful for that. Walking out of the intensive care unit, she saw Robert sitting in one of the chairs in the hall.

''How is he?'' He stood up as soon as he saw her coming his way.

''He is…good god, Robert…'' She shook her head and stopped in front of him. ''He looks so fragile.'' Her eyes filled with tears.

''Come here.'' He pulled her into his arms, and held her while she wept. ''Sybil rang. They're bringing Gracie in a couple of minutes. Liz and Steve landed at Heathrow about 15 minutes ago, and they're on their way, too.''

''What about my family? Are they…''

''Cora is waiting for your parents at Luton. They should be landing any minute now. James isn't picking his phone.''

''He and Jane are on a flight to Paris this morning. I'll ask my mum to ring him later. Thank you.'' She finally let go of him.

''Sure.'' He smiled and rubbed his hand up and down her upper arm soothingly.

''Umm…the nurse said about something about the police being here?''

''Yes, DCI Barnaby is waiting for you in the waiting room, and…''

''What? Barnaby...? Why is _he_ here?'' she asked, accompanying him down the hall.

''I have no idea; he won't talk to me. He said he would only speak with you and no one else.''

''Well, that's odd.'' She frowned and stopped in front of the door to the waiting room. ''Would you mind coming with me?''

''If you'd like me to.''

''Of course I would. You are John's best mate, Robert, as well as his lawyer. You've known him forever, and you have every right to hear what the police might have learned.''

''Thank you.'' They walked into the room together and saw the inspector sitting at a small table in the corner, reading some files.

''Inspector?'' she said, when it appeared he hadn't heard them entering the room.

''Miss Smith.'' He looked up and smiled politely. Standing quickly, he took his reading glasses off and offered Anna his hand. ''How is Mr. Bates doing?''

''He's stable,'' she answered simply as she shook his hand.

''That's good to hear.'' He nodded and looked at Robert, who stood by silently.

''They told me that you have some information about the accident...?'' Anna began.

''Yes…well...about that...'' His expression shifted. ''I think you had better sit down.''

''Excuse me, sir, but with all due respect, I really don't have time to sit down. So please just tell me whatever it is.''

''All right, as you wish…'' he replied, noting the look on her face. She was a bright young woman and something told him that she was much tougher than she looked. '' We know who hit Mr. Bates.''

''You do?!'' Anna and Robert exclaimed simultaneously.

''We do…'' Barnaby looked first at Robert and then at Anna. While Robert looked confused, he saw Anna's eyes narrow. Apparently the look on his face had told her all that she needed to know.

''So are you going to tell us?! Who was it - some drink driver?!'' Robert asked impatiently, waiting for the inspector to finish his sentence.

But Anna was quicker. ''It was _him_ , wasn't it.'' A statement of fact, not a question.

''Yes,'' Barnaby replied, looking directly into her eyes.

''Anna, what's going on? Who are you talking about?'' Robert asked in confusion. ''Who did it!?''

Silently turning to look at him, her lower lip trembled. ''It was…Green.''

* * *

 **beta: the wonderful annambates! :D :D thank you xoxoxoXOXOXOxoxoxo**

 **Belated Happy New Year everybody! :D and THANK YOU FOR READING! :))))*****


	49. Pomoč

**Chapter XLIX**

''Dead?! What do you mean he's dead?!'' Robert stared at the inspector, his hands clenched into fists. John was fighting for his life and the bastard who had done this to him was just...dead? They would never get the satisfaction of putting the man behind the bars for all the damage he had done over the last year.

''Anna?'' Robert turned to her, surprised that she was so calm. She was staring out the window silently, just as she had done while DCI Barnaby had told them everything he knew about what had happened.

Soon after the ambulance had left at the scene of the accident, or rather the scene of the _crime_ , the police had arrived. They had interrogated the eyewitness who had called 999 while trying to help John, but since it had all happened so fast, the woman hadn't really remembered much, except that the driver had been driving a blue Ford Focus. All had become much clearer when Barnaby's team had gone through the local security camera footage and pieced together what had really happened.

The footage showed John running along the pavement in the early hours of the morning, when, with no warning at all, a car driving down the road had suddenly swerved over the edge of the pavement in his direction. Before John had had a chance to react, the car had hit him, causing him to fly up into the air and land several metres away. Someone watching might have thought it had been a complete accident, but the police had quickly come to a very different conclusion, when they had completed an investigation of the crime scene a few hours ago. There had been no skid marks, not a single piece of evidence that would have shown that the driver had tried to stop or avoid John. An alert had been sent out to locate the car, and Barnaby had finally received word that it had been found just a few miles outside of London. It had hit a tree and rolled down the hill into the river. The driver had been found dead inside the vehicle.

''Anna, say something,'' Robert repeated, stepping closer. Her silence was making him nervous. ''Anna?'' But she didn't hear him, not really. Her mind was running wild, trying to process everything she had just been told. Green was dead? It was finally over? But...at what cost?

''Miss Smith…'' the inspector began, noticing Robert getting more upset with every passing second. ''…I know this is a lot to take in, but…I'd like to ask for your help...''

''Her help? Are you kidding me?'' Robert turned to the man. ''We just found out that the bastard returned without any of our knowledge, that he is the reason John is lying in the ICU fighting for his life! What kind of help could you need from Anna?''

''Mr. Crawley…''

''No.'' Robert shook his head and turned to Anna, who was still silent. ''Anna, for god's sake, _say_ something!''

Finally she looked at both of them, took a deep breath, and stated calmly, ''I need to talk to Gracie.'' And with that she left the room, leaving two very confused men behind.

 **xXx**

''Mummy!'' Gracie's voice echoed through the hall the moment Anna walked out of the waiting room. She had arrived with Tom and Sybil about 10 minutes earlier, and had been anxious to see her mum. No one had been able to tell her anything that could help her feel less scared. When she had woken up, all they had said was that Anna was at the hospital because John had gotten hurt.

''Gracie!'' Anna turned to her left and saw her daughter already running toward her. Gracie was by her side in the next second, lifting her arms for Anna to pick her up. Locking her arms around her mother's neck she quickly asked, ''Where is _Daddy_?''

Could this get any more painful, Anna asked herself, burying her face in Gracie's hair and inhaling her little girl's childish scent. ''Come here,'' she said, and sat both of them down in a chair at the end of the hall. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Tom and Sybil sitting at the other end of the hall, giving them some privacy, and she was thankful for that. She knew that the moment both sets of parents arrived, the place would be full of tears and anger, so she needed to make use of these few quiet minutes to explain to Gracie what was happening.

''Darling…'' She ran her fingers through her daughter's golden curls, trying to help calm her down. Gracie's blue eyes stared at her, and she wasn't sure what to say.

''Is Daddy all right?''

''He is.''

''Where is he?''

''You see that door over there?'' Anna smiled and pointed to the door that led to the ICU. Gracie nodded. ''He is in one of the rooms through that door, where the nice doctors are doing their best to make him feel better, so he can return home to us as soon as possible. You see," she added carefully, "...he…he was in a car accident.''

''Can I see him?'' Gracie asked innocently, still staring at her mum.

How could she let her see him when he was like that, Anna thought. It was already hard for _her_ to see him in that condition; she couldn't let Gracie see him when he looked so battered and fragile. ''No, not yet, love.''

''But…why not?'' she protested, fresh tears in her eyes.

''Gracie darling - Daddy is sleeping right now, all right? He's been hurt and the doctor said he needs his rest if we want him to get better quickly,'' Anna said, trying to help her little girl understand the serious nature of the situation without scaring her, and it seemed to alleviate her curiosity.

Gracie didn't ask again to see John; she just wrapped her arms around Anna and buried her head under her chin. Mother and daughter sat in silence for several minutes.

''Is he going to die?'' Gracie whispered, making Anna's heart shatter all over again.

''No, no. Gracie, look at me.'' Anna pulled away and lifted Gracie's chin. ''He isn't going to die. Yes, he is hurt, but he isn't going to leave us. OK?''

''Do you promise?''

Anna knew she was about to promise something that she had no power over, but how could she not? How could she look into her daughter's eyes and tell her that she had no idea if John was going to make it?

''I promise.'' Anna smiled and held Gracie a little tighter, praying silently that John was strong enough to survive. That was all she could do at the moment, really - be there for Gracie and John, praying and hoping that their little family would make it through this.

 _Damn you, Green - damn you and your sick little games!_ He had been a twisted individual, and just thinking about what he had done to her and her family made her stomach turn.

''Anna?'' A voice pulled her from her thoughts.

''Mum! Dad!'' She felt tears fill her eyes when she saw her parents walking toward them, but couldn't let herself cry, not with Gracie there.

''Oh, Anna, how is he?'' Alice asked and, when Anna stood up and lowered Gracie to the floor, hugged her tightly, almost crushing her in the process.

''He's stable, Mum. That's all we know for now.'' Anna tightened her hold around her mother, relieved that they were finally here. But no matter how strong Anna tried to be, Alice could see that her daughter was on the verge of breaking.

''Hello, darling. How are you?'' Alice let go of Anna and turned her attention to her granddaughter, giving George a chance to hug Anna, too.

''Daddy is hurt, but Mummy said he'll be all right,'' Gracie said confidently and smiled. She knew something wasn't right, but if Mummy had said that Daddy was going to be OK, she didn't really have any reason to believe anything different.

''Of course he'll be all right.'' Alice smiled back at her granddaughter. ''Darling, are you hungry?''

''No, but I'm thirsty.''

''We can't have that.'' She took the little girl's hand and turned to her husband. ''George dear, can you please take Gracie and buy her some juice?''

''Yes, certainly. Come on, poppet.'' He extended his hand in Gracie's direction, fully aware that Alice needed a chance to talk to Anna without the little one present.

With George and Gracie out of earshot, Anna once again wrapped her arms around her mother.

''Oh, Anna, what happened?'' Alice asked, and let her daughter tell her everything that she knew so far.

 **xXx**

''Green?!'' Alice almost shouted, when Anna finished telling her about what he had done. ''Good god, Anna. What was wrong with that man?!''

''I don't know,'' Anna exhaled, closing her eyes. She was exhausted.

''And they say that he's dead? But are they sure?''

''I'm afraid we aren't 100% certain.'' A man's voice made both of the women turn around. ''We believe that we have his body…but we have a problem,'' Barnaby explained, looking directly at Anna.

''Problem? What kind of a problem?! That man nearly ruined our lives! He was completely out of control, and you are telling us…'' Alice raised her voice in frustration, but the inspector quickly interrupted.

''Mrs. Smith, we are doing our best to get as much information as we can, as quickly as we can. I have my best men working on this case…''

''And where were these best men of yours when Green killed Paul? Or disappeared without a trace, forcing my family to live in fear?!'' Alice retorted, her voice cracking. The whole Green mess had affected the entire extended Bates and Smith families, even those who lived hundreds of kilometres away.

''Ma'am…''

''Mum, can you give us a moment?'' Anna asked, taking Alice by surprise. ''Please.''

''OK. I'll try to ring James again.'' Alice nodded and walked away down the hall, leaving Anna and the inspector alone.

''Miss Smi…''

''Just…'' Anna inhaled and closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts. ''…tell me, please - what's going on, Inspector?''

''We need someone to identify the body.''

''What? But why?''

''It appears that someone had taken a few swings at our dear Mr. Green prior to the accident. His body was in pretty bad shape when we found him this morning, and our pathologist says it's possible that he died because of those earlier injuries and not from the accident alone. She isn't sure, of course, but from what she saw, we are guessing that he probably realized the gravity of his situation. We…''

''OK - just stop for a second…'' Anna interrupted him. ''Are you saying that he knew he was dying and decided he had nothing to lose by running John down?''

''Anna…'' Barnaby stepped closer and said quietly, ''…we don't know anything at this point. All I know is that we need someone to formally identify the body right away so we can continue our investigation.

''Are you seriously asking me to identify him?'' She couldn't believe what she was hearing. ''Can't you ask someone else? How about his parents?''

''They won't be here until Monday, and I need to have it done as soon as possible. I could ask one of his former colleagues, but it would take longer. I also spoke with Mr. Crawley just now and he agreed that I should ask you first.''

''What?! But why…?''

''Look, I know that it's a lot to ask. I've been on this case since the beginning. I know what you've been through, but at the same time I won't lie and say that I understand how you feel, because I don't...I can't,'' Barnaby said gently. ''But Mr. Crawley believes - and I think he's right - that you could use some closure...that it might help you to move forward.

Anna paused. Was she strong enough to see him? And if she did, how would she react? With her pregnancy, there was so much to consider.

Deep down, she knew she needed to face him, to see that he really was dead and no longer a threat to her and her family. But also - did she dare to leave John's side? What if something happened while she was gone? She shook her head.

''I can't leave John, not right now...not when he's like this.''

''I can ask one of the nurses to update us on his status every 5 minutes. Even every minute if you would like. Our pathologist's surgery is just in the basement of this building, so you needn't be away long. And I promise that if the need arises, you can be back at his side within just a few minutes.''

Anna turned her attention to John, lying still in the hospital bed. She felt torn, but she knew that he would want her to go. He would want her to face the man, to see for herself that he could never hurt them again. She took a deep breath, stood, and faced Barnaby.

''All right…I'll do it. Let's go.''

* * *

 **my wonderful beta: annambates :) thank you! :D**

 **:D hello! :D finally...no more Green... ;) thank you for R &R! :) :)**


	50. Mrtvašnica

**Chapter L**

''Ready?'' the pathologist asked, looking first at Anna and then at Barnaby. The trio was standing in the morgue in front of a covered corpse. Anna shivered.

''Anna?'' Barnaby asked, touching her shoulder. He realized that this wasn't easy for her, but he also knew that they couldn't move forward with their investigation until someone officially identified the body as that of Alex Green, even though he was already certain it was him.

Looking up silently, Anna saw the inspector's kind gaze on her. She knew she needed to do this, to see with her own eyes that Green was truly dead, that this torture was finally over, that he was gone, and this time for good.

''All right…'' she nodded, and looked at the woman standing opposite them. ''Let's do this.''

The woman looked at the inspector, who also gave her a nod to proceed. Taking a step closer to the body, she slowly pulled the cover away and revealed the victim. His face was in even worse condition than John's, and Anna could see dozens of cuts and bruises on his neck and upper torso. Some were obviously old, while others looked fresh. Something really bad must have happened to him in the last few months, she thought. Looking at the face of the man who had made her life a living hell over the last year, she felt nothing but pity. Somehow all the hate and anger she had felt toward him for so long had died with him. After all she had been through, it was a relief to know - in the most visceral of ways - that he was finally out of their lives forever.

''Yes, it's him.'' Anna finally said, not taking her gaze of off him ''It's Green.'' If only he was still alive so she could look him in the eye and tell him that he hadn't won, she thought, that despite all his hateful scheming, none of his plans had worked. John was still alive, their little girl was happy, a new life was growing inside of her, and she had never felt stronger. Seeing Green dead had strengthened her resolve and given her the power she needed to get through the mess this pathetic excuse for a man had left behind.

''Thank you.'' Barnaby nodded at the pathologist, who once again covered the body, then turned to Anna.

''Come, let's get you out of here,'' he said, and silently escorted her out to the hall.

''I can't stop shaking…'' Anna said, resting her back against the wall and exhaling.

''I'm sorry for asking you to do this…''

''No…'' she shook her head. ''You and Robert were right…I needed to do it. I don't think I could have moved on as easily, had I not seen him myself.''

''I'm sure Mr. Bates will be very proud when he hears what you did,'' Barnaby smiled gently.

''Yes.'' Anna smiled back. ''Speaking of which, I think I should get back to him.''

''Before you do…'' he ventured. ''I have something for you… It was in the inner pocket of Green's jacket when we found him,'' he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a white envelope addressed to Anna.

''What is it?'' she frowned.

''I don't know. I didn't open it. No one has. Actually, no one else even knows it exists.''

''Wh-…but…but shouldn't this be with the rest of the evidence?''

''It should…but my instincts tell me that you should have it,'' he said, and extended his hand further. ''Please.''

''I don't want you to get in trouble,'' Anna replied. Even though she was curious as to what was in the envelope, she didn't want anyone to discover that the inspector had withheld evidence.

''Don't worry.'' He shook his head and smiled. ''No one will find out, I promise. Please...take it.''

Anna looked him in the eye one more time before finally taking the envelope. She had no idea why was he doing this, but something inside of her told her that he was right.

''Thank you.''

''Sure,'' he smiled. ''Come on, let's get back upstairs. I'm sure Mr. Bates is missing you.''

''Yes.'' Anna smiled, thinking of John. She slipped the envelope into her bag and had just started walking when she felt her mobile vibrating in her back pocket. Pulling it out, she saw that it was Alice.

''Hi Mum...''

''Anna…you need to get back upstairs!''

''What? What's the matter?!'' Anna felt her blood go cold.

''Anna, just get back immediately!''

''Is John…?''

''No, no…John is still stable, darling...''

''What then? What happened?''

''It's…it's…''

''Mum! Just tell me!''

''...Gracie…''

''What about Gracie?'' Anna raised her voice.

''She…'' Alice hesitated.

''WHAT, MUM?!''

''…she's missing.''

* * *

 **beta: I know you all know by now but :)...ANNAMBATES! :D :D :D thank you!**

 **:O :O :O :O :O**


	51. Srečno do konca svojih dni

**Chapter LI**

''Oh, George - how could you?'' Alice looked at her husband, worry and disappointment written all over her face.

''I swear...I only turned away for a second,'' he said, inwardly berating himself for his carelessness. He had taken Gracie to the hospital canteen to get something to drink. They had talked for a while, George wanting to make sure she was all right in light of everything that had been happening around her, and after some time had passed, she had asked for another juice. The cashier had been just a few steps away from their table, so he really hadn't thought twice about leaving her alone at the table for a few seconds. But how wrong he had been. Turning around with a new bottle of juice in his hand, he saw their empty table, but no sign of Gracie anywhere. He had immediately started looking for her, but to no avail. In the end, the best he could do was to find Alice and tell her everything.

''For god's sake, George! I asked you to look after her. Anna already has enough on her mind with John in the ICU, and now this? What if something happens to her?'' Alice burst into tears.

''Alice...'' George stepped toward her in an attempt to calm her down, but she just moved even further away from him.

''Just _don't_!'' She wiped the tears from her cheeks. She was so angry with him, and worried about Gracie and Anna. Anna had been through so much in the past year, and now having Gracie missing made things even worse.

''I'm sorry,'' George said, after a few moments of silence. He was just as angry with himself as she was. He knew he should not have left Gracie alone, but he had never imagined that she might disappear like that. And what if Alice was right? What if she had gotten hurt...or even worse? What if...

''Mum? Dad?'' His daughter's voice pulled him out of his increasingly negative thoughts, and he saw Anna walking toward them with Barnaby right behind her.

''Oh, Anna, I'm so sorry,'' George quickly began. It hurt him deeply to see her so exhausted and frightened.

''Dad, what happened?'' she asked when she finally reached them.

''I don't know. She asked for another drink and I went to...I swear I only turned away for a second...and she was gone.'' His voice caught. ''I tried to find her, but she...''

''OK, Dad, calm down,'' Anna said. She could see how sorry he was, and she knew that panicking would only make things worse.

''Has anyone notified hospital security that she's missing?'' Barnaby asked.

''Yes, yes, we did.'' Alice turned to him. ''Robert went to talk to them just before you arrived.''

''I'll go and see if there is anything I can help them with,'' Barnaby said, before walking away and leaving the trio alone.

''Anna...'' George began again.

''Dad, just...'' She took a deep breath. ''...try to remember - is there anything you two talked about...something that might tell us where she's gone?''

''I don't think so. We...''

''Oh, George - you don't _think_ so?! Surely you...'' Alice exclaimed, but Anna needed the conversation to be constructive.

''Mum, please - just let him think.'' She looked at her mother, surprising both of her parents with the steel in her voice.

Looking at them, George tried to remember his conversation with Gracie.

''Uh...we were talking about today...about John and everything that had happened.''

''Did she ask you anything out of the ordinary?'' Anna prompted.

It wasn't in Gracie's nature to wander off without telling anyone where she was going. So if something had caused her to slip away, it must have been very important to her.

''No, she didn't.'' George shook his head, then paused. ''Although...''

''What?''

''...she seemed very interested in what happens to patients after surgery.''

''What do you mean?'' Alice looked at her husband, trying to understand.

''You know...where they take the patients afterward, who takes care of them, how long they stay in the hospital...things like that.''

''Maybe she just wanted to know...'' Alice began, when Anna interrupted.

''Mum?''

''What?'' She turned to face her. ''Anna, what is it?'' she asked again, when she saw the expression on her daughter's face.

''Call Robert and tell him to stop the search.''

''What? Why...?'' Alice asked, but Anna was already walking away from them. ''Anna, where are you going?!''

Turning around, she smiled. ''I know where she is.''

 **xXx**

''Come on, come on,'' Anna muttered, as she waited for the lift. ''Oh, for god's sake!'' She jabbed the button a few more times.

''Finally!'' she exclaimed, when the lift door finally opened. Stepping in, she pressed the button for the 5th floor and quietly prayed that she was right about Gracie's whereabouts.

It took just a few seconds for the door to finally open again, and even fewer for Anna to reach the place where she hoped to find Gracie. Quietly pushing the door open a crack, the familiar sounds of medical equipment and monitors filled her ears, with the sound of her daughter's voice immediately following.

''Thank god!'' Anna thought to herself, before she opened the door completely and saw her.

Gracie was sitting calmly on the edge of John's bed, and from what Anna could hear, she was telling him the same story that he had told her when she had been sick a couple of weeks earlier.

His appearance didn't seem to scare her or make her uncomfortable, even though he was badly bruised, surrounded by all kind of machines, and had various tubes coming out of his body. She was simply sitting on his bed, her small hand resting on top of his large one, and telling him a story to help him get better.

Silently closing the door behind her, Anna leaned back against it and waited patiently for Gracie to finish. No matter how upset she was about her sneaking away to see John, she was also proud - proud to call herself the mother of this amazing little girl, who knew no fear and who loved so much.

''...and they lived happily ever after,'' Gracie smiled at John. Slowly and carefully, she hopped down from the bed. She pushed a chair to the head of the bed, careful not to touch or move any of the machines, then climbed onto the chair and placed a kiss on John's bruised cheek.

''I love you, Daddy,'' she declared, and it took all of Anna's strength to hold back the tears filling her eyes. ''I need to go now, or Grandpa will wonder where I am. But I promise I'll come visit you again.''

She slid off the chair with a smile, but froze when she looked up and saw her mother standing by the door. Both of them were quiet for a moment, neither knowing what to say, until Anna walked to her, knelt down, and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

''Do you think Daddy liked my story?'' Gracie asked innocently.

''I'm sure he did.'' Anna chuckled and ran her hand through her daughter's golden hair. ''But I'm not sure if Grandpa liked you sneaking away from him like that.''

Gracie looked up, shame written all over her face.

''Is Grandpa angry with me?'' she asked carefully, knowing that what she had done hadn't been right.

''No, not angry. Just worried - very worried. We _all_ were. Gracie darling…'' Anna let go of her, so she could sit down. ''…you can't just disappear like that…''

''But I wanted to see…'' the little girl protested.

''I know you did, but that doesn't mean that what you did was OK. What if something had happened to you? What if you'd gotten lost?''

''I'm sorry, Mummy.'' Gracie's gaze fell to the floor, her face full of shame.

''Just don't do it again, all right?'' Anna said firmly.

''Yes, I promise.'' She nodded, then looked up at her mum.

''Good.'' Anna smiled and extended her hand. ''Come on...let's find Grandpa and let him know you're all right.''

''Can't I stay with Daddy?''

''No, but you can visit him tomorrow, all right?''

''All right.'' Gracie smiled, feeling a lot better about everything. Her mummy wasn't mad at her, her daddy was OK, and she could come back tomorrow to see him again. Taking her mother's hand, they walked out of the room and took the lift back down to the canteen.

As soon as she spotted George and Alice at the end of the hall, Gracie ran into their open arms, and the tears shed by everyone in that moment were very happy ones, indeed.

* * *

 **thank you annambates! :) THE beta! :D**

 **and thank YOU for reading! :D :D please review if you can :) thanks! :D**


	52. Dr T

**Chapter LII**

''Are you sure you don't want to take a look?'' Dr. Patrick Turner asked, examining the ultrasound monitor.

''Yes, I'm sure,'' Anna answered firmly.

''Would you at least let me turn the sound back on?''

''No,'' she replied, still staring at the ceiling.

''Miss Smith...'' Dr. Turner said gently, turning the monitor off and looking at her. ''...I know it's none of my business, but...if I am to be your doctor for the next few months, I'd prefer you be honest with me.''

''What do you mean?'' Anna asked, finally looking up at him.

''Well, something tells me that you don't want to be here,'' he replied simply. In his years as an OB-GYN, he had seen everything, from unwanted teen pregnancies to telling someone that, after years and years of tears and prayers, a strong heartbeat was audible. He had seen it all, and regardless of the patient or the situation, he could always tell whether the mother-to-be was happy with the news. But this young woman was a little different. He could see that she was glowing like so many women were when they were expecting, but something was missing. It didn't quite feel right - as if she was holding something back somehow.

''Dr. Turner...''

''You don't need to tell me, of course, but I need you to understand that my job is to make sure both mother and baby get the best possible care during pregnancy and delivery. And I can't do that, not really, if I don't know what is truly going on - anything I should know that might be affecting your health, physical or otherwise, in any way.''

Anna stared at him for a moment, but she knew that he was right. She hated the fact that John wasn't here with her, but she didn't have any other choice. She had spent a very uncomfortable night on the extra bed in John's hospital room. Robert had woken her up early in the morning, and then driven her home to have a quick shower and breakfast before driving her back to the hospital for her first check-up. So here she was, lying on the examination bed with Robert sitting outside, making sure that she would go through with the appointment, and with a handsome doctor who could sense that something wasn't as it should be. Dr. Turner was here to help - to make sure this baby would stay safe and healthy until John came back to her - so she finally broke down and told him everything.

 **xXx**

''I'm sorry,'' Dr. Turner said, when Anna was done with telling him everything that had happened in the last year. She had been planning to tell just about John's current situation, but when she had started talking, she had been unable to stop. And he hadn't seemed to mind listening to her.

''It's not your fault,'' Anna smiled while blowing her nose into the tissue he had offered her.

''So they didn't tell you how long he will be under?''

''No. They said it's for the best - that it will help him heal - and I know they're right. But part of me is still frightened that he won't come out of it, and...I just don't know what I'd do if he didn't. I don't think I could bear it...''

''Miss Smith, I'm not going to lie - I have no way of knowing what is going to happen with him. But I do believe that he would want you to take the best possible care of yourself and this baby while you wait for him to recover. I know I would, if it were me.''

''You're right...he would want that, too.'' Anna smiled shakily, feeling a little calmer due to his encouragement.

''So...shall we try again?''

''No.''

He opened his mouth to protest, and she realized that she needed to clarify.

''Dr. Turner, I agree that I need to ensure that our baby is healthy and that everything is progressing as it should. But this is John's and my first baby together. I want him to be here with me for everything...and I mean _everything_. This is _our_ pregnancy, not just mine, and he has the right to experience it _with_ me - to sit by my side and look at that monitor, seeing for the first time what we created together and hearing the sound of our baby's heartbeat. I want everything about this baby to be about _us_ , not just me. So until he is able to experience everything with me, I need you to promise that you won't give me any important information, except for what I really _need_ to know. Do you understand?"

''I think I do.''

''Good.'' Anna smiled. ''So...is there anything that you _can_ you tell me?''

''Well...'' he chuckled, turning the monitor back on ''...I can tell you that you were right about the time of conception. You are about 6 weeks along.''

So she was right - they _had_ made this baby on the day that John had come back from Birmingham early and gone crazy in the shower. Anna smiled to herself at the memory.

''Anything else?''

''Well, let me see...'' Dr. Turner turned back to the monitor, relieved to see her smile. ''...No, no - I can't tell you that...'' he muttered under his breath, aware that Anna could hear him. ''...or that either...'' He continued examining the monitor, then gasped suddenly. ''...oh...!''

''What?'' Anna finally looked at him, while trying not to look at the monitor next to him.

''...I definitely _can't_ tell you _this_ without the father present.'' He chuckled and turned to her.

''Dr. Turner...'' Anna laughed at his mischievous smile. ''Is she all right?''

'' _She_?'' He raised his eyebrows and turned the monitor off.

''Yes, _she._ '' She smiled and slowly sat up as he put the equipment away.

''Mother's intuition?'' he asked, sitting down at his desk.

''Father's,'' she explained. ''John somehow got it into his head that it's a girl, so...'' She chuckled, recalling John's certainty, and sat down opposite the doctor.

''I see,'' he said, writing something down.

''So...is everything all right?'' she asked, after a pause.

''Yes.'' He looked up. ''Everything looks fine and appears to be right on schedule.'' He could see the relief in her eyes. ''But considering what you are going through right now, I would like you to come see me every week, and I do mean _every_ week. We don't want any surprises, all right?'' He gave her an encouraging smile.

''All right.''

''I mean it, Miss Smith. I'm going to keep a close eye on you and on _her._..'' They both chuckled. ''...so that when Dad is ready to meet her, everything will be as it should be.''

''Thank you...thank you so much,'' Anna said, fresh tears in her eyes. It meant so much to her that he not only understood her wishes, but that he _respected_ them. "And please...call me Anna."

''My pleasure.'' He stood up and escorted her to the door. ''And if anything feels off, anything at all, please call me immediately.''

''I will, thank you.''

''Take care, Anna, OK?''

''I'll do my best.'' She smiled. ''See you next week?''

''See you next week.''

* * *

 **beta: annambates! you are the best! **** THANK YOU!**

 **HI! :)... ;)**


	53. Božično drevo

**Chapter LIII**

''I told you, I don't want a stupid tree!'' Gracie yelled, running up the stairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her so quickly that not even Joy had a chance to get inside with her.

''Gracie...'' Anna called from the bottom of the stairs, even though she knew that she wouldn't come back until she had calmed down.

''Is everything all right?'' Alice came into the hall, drying her hands on a towel.

''She still doesn't want Dad to get us a Christmas tree,'' Anna replied. It had now been almost three weeks since John's accident, and it was only three days before Christmas.

''Oh.'' Alice stepped closer to her and rested her hands on Anna's shoulders. ''Well, we don't really need one, do we?''

''Maybe not. But I know John would want her to have one. It _is_ Christmas, after all.'' Anna turned to look at her mum.

''Are you sure you don't want to take her with you to see him today?''

''Yes, it's her last swim meet before Christmas... _which she is going to miss if she keeps acting like this_...'' Anna said a little louder, hoping that Gracie would hear her and come out of her room. ''...I just want her to think about something besides John for a bit.''

Although she was tired of her daughter's behaviour, she knew exactly what was bothering her. It had been the same when she and John had broken up - Gracie just missed him, and Anna could not blame her for that. She felt exactly the same.

''OK - this is what we are going to do...'' Alice began.

Over the last two and a half weeks she had seen how much her daughter and granddaughter missed John. Anna had been doing everything she could to support both Gracie and John, but she had just about reached her limit. She looked exhausted, and even though Anna hadn't mentioned anything to her, Alice knew that something more was going on with her. There was something that Anna wasn't telling her - something important - and Alice knew she needed to make sure that Anna ate properly and got enough rest before going back to the hospital.

John's punctured lung and injured liver had been slowly repairing themselves, and even his ribs seemed to be healing properly. Right now the only thing they were extremely concerned about was his knee. A week after John's initial surgery, Dr. Ellingham had announced that he was stable enough for knee surgery. His kneecap had been in bad shape and they'd had to use quite a few metal screws, pins, and plates to make sure the pieces of bone would hold together.

''Your dad and I will take Gracie to her swim meet and you will stay here and get some rest.''

''Mum...'' Anna protested, but Alice's mind was already made up.

''No, Anna - you'll do what I say, end of discussion. You'll get some rest, eat the soup I made you, and only then can you go and see John. I can't let you live like this anymore. John is in good hands, and you and I both know that he would hate to see you running yourself ragged like this. All right?''

''All right. Thank you.''

Anna knew that Alice was right. The last 19 days had been crazy. She had spent most of her time in the hospital at John's bedside, even though she knew there was nothing she could do to make his condition improve more quickly. But being there helped keep her from going insane while waiting for him to wake up. He was getting stronger with each passing day, and that gave Anna so much hope. She felt thankful every day that her parents had offered to stay with her to look after Gracie. Even Liz and Steve had sometimes stayed with her and kept her company. It was a terrible situation, but for the first time since Anna and John had been together, the Smith and Bates families had really banded together and given each other the support they all needed.

''Good.'' Alice nodded. ''You need the rest, Anna, especially now that you are coming down with something.''

''What do you mean?'' Anna asked, following her mother into the kitchen.

''Don't try to hide it from me. The bathroom is right next to the guest room, and I do have ears, you know.''

''Ohh.'' Anna smiled weakly. Her morning sickness had started just a few days ago. It wasn't as bad her mother seemed to think, but she had been sick a couple of times this week. Luckily the worst of the nausea was only happening in the mornings, but she could feel her stomach doing flips throughout the entire day.

She knew that she could tell her family that she was pregnant; in fact, once she almost had said something, but then had changed her mind at the last second. She knew that the moment she told them, they'd turn their energy and attention away from John and focus instead on her and the baby, and that was one thing she did not want. She was almost 9 weeks pregnant now and, according to Dr. Turner, both she and the baby were in perfect health, which was itself a miracle, considering the extreme stress she had been experiencing.

Anna still refused to hear any specific details about the baby, except for the fact that the pregnancy was progressing normally. She had done all she could to follow Dr. Turner's advice to take care of herself, despite her current situation. Dr. Turner and Robert's support was all she had needed right now. They were there to assist her, and she knew that if she needed help, all she had to do was ask.

The pregnancy itself, except for the nausea, was making her feel absolutely wonderful. No one could see it with so much happening at the moment, but Anna herself felt different. Because of the little that Dr. Turner had told her, she knew that she and the baby were doing well. All that was missing was John.

''Oh, yes, indeed,'' Alice replied. ''So, come on. Let's get you into that bed.''

''Are you sure you and Dad can manage?''

''Anna, we have been here for almost three weeks. I think we have figured out how everything works around here.'' Alice smiled and started pushing Anna toward the stairs.

''Thank you, Mum. I don't know what I would do without you and Dad helping me out,'' Anna said, and gave her a quick hug.

''That is what families are for, my darling. And I know you two are not married, but I want you to know that your dad and I love John as if he were part of the family. He is a good man; he has given you the chance to be happy again, and we will always be thankful to him for that.''

''Mum...'' Anna faltered. It meant so much to her that her family was there for her - both her family and John's. But at the same time, their complete support was making her feel even guiltier for not telling them that she and John were, in fact, engaged...and expecting a baby.

''Come on, off to bed. And don't worry about a thing.'' Alice smiled and moved away

''I'll try.'' Anna was about to go upstairs when the front door suddenly opened wide.

''Look what I found!'' George announced happily, stepping into the flat and dragging a Christmas tree behind him.

''Oh, my god,'' Anna whispered to herself. She and Alice had forgotten to let him know that Gracie hadn't changed her mind about having a Christmas tree.

''George, please take that thing away.'' Alice pointed at the tree.

''What? Why?'' He stared at her in confusion. ''I just spent two hours looking for just the right one, and...''

''Two, three...it doesn't matter, George. Take it away,'' Alice laughed, holding the front door open for him to take the tree out again.

''Anna...'' he looked desperately at his daughter, but she just smiled.

''Sorry, Dad...but Gracie still doesn't want anything to do with Christmas if John isn't here, and to tell you the truth, neither do I.'' Anna gave her father's cheek a quick kiss. ''But thank you anyway...truly.''

''So what am I going to do with this thing now? Do you know how much it cost me?'' George protested. ''I thought we had a plan - you would convince Gracie about the tree while I was out looking for it!''

''We tried, but she can be quite stubborn sometimes. Just like someone _else_ we all know and love,'' Alice chuckled before kissing him softly, ending George's complaints in an instant. ''Go on, then. Get this thing out and then get ready so we can leave.''

''Where are we going?'' he asked dreamily. After almost 40 years of marriage, his wife could still take his breath away with a single kiss.

''We are going to spend the afternoon with our lovely granddaughter and then take her to dinner, so that Anna can get some rest and visit John in peace.''

''Still no news?'' George turned to Anna.

''No.'' She shook her head. A few days after John's knee surgery, Dr. Ellingham had felt that John was strong enough for them to start waking him up from his coma. Luckily his brain hadn't been injured in the accident, and the results of numerous tests had told them that his body had been slowly but persistently healing. As a result, they had decided to gradually reduce the amount of anaesthetic and other drugs in John's system in hopes that he would wake up before the holidays. But there still had been no news.

''Don't worry, we'll get there,'' George replied and gave Anna a reassuring smile.

''Come on, darling - get this thing out of here before Gracie sees it and I freeze to death,'' Alice said, standing by the open front door.

''All right, all right,'' he groaned and started pushing the tree out of the door with no idea what he would do with it.

''Thank you,'' Alice called, and closed the door after him. Turning to Anna, she added, ''Come on, let's get you to bed and Gracie into her swimsuit.''

 **XXX**

The next few days weren't as festive as they would have been if John had been with them. Anna had invited both Liz and Steve to her place for Christmas Day, and they had gladly accepted. No matter what was happening, Christmas was about family, and they all knew that John would want them to be together, supporting each other. They had had a quick family lunch before spending the afternoon at the hospital.

Afterwards, they had spent the evening at Robert's, and even though no one had it said aloud, deep down they had all hoped that maybe, just maybe, they would get a Christmas miracle and John would wake up that day. But he hadn't. Anna's phone had been silent and would remain that way…at least through the end of Christmas Day.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta - annambates! :D thank you! :D :D**

 **and yes...John is finally awake! :D...but... ;) ...**


	54. Dvojčka

**Chapter LIV**

As cautiously and quietly as possible, Anna opened the door to John's hospital room and stepped inside. He didn't hear her; he was too focused on reading one of the get-well cards that Gracie had made for him over the past few weeks. So she just stood there for a few more seconds, and drank in the sight of him. He was half-sitting, half-reclining in his bed, a small smile on his face as he looked at the card, and Anna could feel her heart pounding at finally seeing him awake and well.

She had been half asleep when her phone had rung. Dr. Ellingham had had to repeat himself three times before she had managed to register what he was telling her...that John had finally woken up. As quickly as possible, she had pulled her jeans and jumper on and run to the guest room to wake her mother and let her know what was happening. It had still been very early, so Anna had asked her parents to wait for Gracie to wake before coming to the hospital.

Next Anna had rung Liz. They had cried happy tears over the phone for almost 10 minutes before Liz had encouraged her not to lose any more time and get herself to the hospital. She said that she and Steve would be there a little later, to give Anna and John some time alone before all their family and friends arrived. Even though John was her son, Liz knew that all he needed right now was Anna.

''John?'' Anna whispered, when she finally found the courage to speak.

''Anna?'' He looked up at the sound of her voice, and silently berated himself when he saw how tired she looked. He had had quite a shock when he had woken up with no recollection of what had happened to him. Dr. Ellingham had tried to explain everything, but John had had difficulty focusing on anything except his desire to see Anna and to make sure that she was all right.

''Oh love, I'm so sorry,'' he said hoarsely, blinking back tears.

''John...'' She walked over from her spot by the door, sat down on the edge of the bed, and cupped his warm cheeks, which were covered with a few days' stubble.

''Are yo-...?'' he began, but quickly she covered his lips with hers and, before John realized what was happening, she deepened the kiss.

Good god, it felt good - better than good - to have him so close again, Anna thought in the back of her mind, to know that he had come back to them.

It took John a moment to start responding, but once he did, there was no turning back. One of his hands sank into her hair, the other one went around her body, pulling it closer to his own. He could feel his ribs protesting under the pressure of her weight, but he didn't flinch. Nothing mattered in this moment, but her.

If they could have, they would have stayed like that forever, but the need for air became too great. The moment they parted, Anna burst into tears.

''Come here,'' John said gently, and somehow managed to make space for her to lie beside him on the bed, even though his injured leg was still in a cast and resting on pillows.

Anna cried, and he cried with her. No words were needed. After weeks of waiting and worrying, she was finally free to let go and let her guard down. He was back in her arms and nothing else mattered.

John, on the other hand, wept at the simple realization of how much she must have suffered over the last few weeks. He knew that it wasn't his fault, but he would have given anything to spare her all the heartache she had gone through since his accident.

They remained in each other's arms for quite some time, not saying a word. His hand traced small circles on her back, while her hand rested on his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat under her palm. They were wrapped in their own little bubble, simply enjoying the closeness, when John finally spoke.

''How are you feeling?''

Anna looked up and smiled. ''Much better, now that you're awake.''

''Oh, Anna...'' Tears filled his eyes.

''John, don't...'' she said gently. ''...don't cry. It's not your fault.'' She brushed a tear from his cheek.

''Oh god, what have I put you through?''

''I'm OK, John,'' she reassured him. ''We're _both_ OK.'' She sat up and unbuttoned her winter coat.

''See?'' she smiled, taking his hand and resting it on her lower belly. There wasn't really anything to see yet, but John could feel a very slight bump.

''Oh god, you've gotten so big!'' he chuckled, beaming at her.

''Well...thank you...'' Anna laughed.

''You know what I mean!'' It was a relief to laugh, but he had to stop quickly when he felt his ribs protesting.

''Have you told anyone?'' he asked, his hand still in place.

''Only Robert.''

''What?'' he chuckled. ' _'Robert_?'' He knew that his best friend sometimes had a hard time keeping a secret.

''He was with me when you were in surgery. And I was so afraid I was going to lose you that I had to tell someone...'' Her eyes misted over, remembering those long hours while they waited for news of his condition.

''Hey, hey - it's OK. I don't mind him knowing. I wouldn't mind if you'd told everyone. The important thing is that you and the baby are both all right,'' John reassured her with a smile.

''We are.'' Anna nodded and covered his hand resting on her belly with hers.

''How is Gracie?'' he asked, and once again pulled her to lie down next to him. There wasn't much space, but neither of them minded.

''Missing you,'' she replied, her head resting under his chin as she slowly inhaled his scent. ''She even refused for us to get a Christmas tree, if you weren't going be home to see it.''

''What? You mean we still don't have a Christmas tree in the house?''

''No. She put her foot down, and I understood - it didn't feel right without you being there.'' She lifted her head and placed a kiss on his cheek. ''Nothing feels right when you aren't there.''

''I love you, Anna. I love you so much.''

''And I love you,'' she replied, before she once again closed the gap between them. This, simply being in his arms again, was home to her. They didn't need a Christmas tree to experience the joy they felt when their lips met over and over again...softly, lovingly.

When they'd run out of breath, John asked her to tell him everything that had happened. He could remember his birthday party and Anna telling him about her pregnancy; he could even foggily remember their conversation before he had gone for the run. But after that, everything was blank. Dr. Ellingham had already told him that he had been conscious in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but he couldn't recall any of it. So Anna told him everything she could. She even told him about going to identify Green in the morgue, and then had to calm him down when he got angry with Barnaby and Robert for having put her in that position. But she quickly reassured him that it had been her choice, and that it was something she had felt that she'd simply had to do for her own peace of mind. And he respected her decision; he was even proud of her for doing it.

They talked for almost an hour – about family, friends, the kind nurses and doctors who had made sure that he had been comfortable and that she and the family had gotten the support they had needed, and about his feelings and worries about what Dr. Ellingham had told him about his condition just before she had arrived.

Although his body was healing, his knee was still a mess. It would take months of physiotherapy before he would be able to use his leg again, and considering his broken ribs and injured lung, it would take a few weeks before he would even be strong enough to use crutches instead of a wheelchair. He had a long way to go before he would get back to anything resembling his normal self, but with Anna, family, and friends by his side, he knew that he could do it. He simply had to work hard to get himself back on his feet.

In the past, John might have given up and blamed himself for everything that had happened, as he had done so many times before, but now he knew that wasn't helpful and that it was not what Anna deserved. She had been through hell in the last few weeks. He had suffered near-fatal injuries, but he had survived, and there was no way on earth that he would waste this second chance by pushing Anna away. Not after everything she had given and sacrificed for him. John pulled her a little closer.

They could have stayed like that for days, simply talking and holding each other, if a knock on the door hadn't disturbed them.

''Hello!'' A man's voice suddenly filled the room, causing Anna to jump out of the bed in surprise.

''May I help you?'' John asked, staring at the unfamiliar doctor who was standing by the door, and feeling rather cross that someone had had the nerve to interrupt his and Anna's alone time, especially after he had asked Dr. Ellingham that they not be disturbed during her visit.

''Dr. Turner...'' Anna said. ''How can we help you?'' She smiled at the man, her cheeks still flushed at the fact that he had caught her in John's bed. They hadn't been doing anything to be embarrassed about, but still...

''I'm sorry to bother you, but I ran into Dr. Ellingham in the hall and he told me that the father-to-be is finally awake. '' He smiled and turned to John, who looked confused.

''Sorry, but have we met?'' John asked. There was still so much that he couldn't remember, but he was sure that he didn't know the man.

''Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Bates...how inconsiderate of me. I'm Dr. Patrick Turner...'' He stepped toward the bed and offered his hand to John. ''...I'm Anna's OB/GYN.''

''Oh...!'' John smiled and shook the doctor's hand.

''I've heard so much about you.''

''I wish I could say the same,'' John joked.

''Yes, well...'' Dr. Turner chuckled and turned to Anna, who simply smiled back.

''So...what can we do for you? Is...is anything wrong with the baby?'' John asked quickly, his heart skipping a beat at the thought.

''No, no.'' Dr. Turner shook his head. ''I'm here to do something that Anna had promised me I could do when you woke up.''

''And what's that?'' John chuckled and turned to Anna who, like John, had no idea what Dr. Turner was referring to.

''May I?'' he smiled and walked to the door. ''Shelagh dear, you can come in now.'' In the next moment a nurse walked into John's room, pushing an ultrasound device on a wheeled cart in front of her and pulling a small, wheeled bed behind her.

''What's all this?'' John managed to pull himself into a sitting position so that he could have a better look.

''Nurse Turner!'' Anna smiled when she saw the woman, slightly older than she was, entering the room. She was thankful that Dr. Turner was there for her during this pregnancy, but having his wife, midwife Shelagh Turner, there to answer all of her questions had been priceless.

''Hello, Miss Smith,'' she smiled, letting the doctor prepare. ''Mr. Bates.'' She greeted him with a nod and smile.

''OK, so...what's going on?" John finally asked, still feeling completely in the dark.

''Mr. Bates, I don't know if Anna told you, but for the past few weeks she has refused to properly meet your baby.''

''What do you mean?''

John turned to Anna, who quickly explained, '' I didn't want to look at our baby on the monitor without you there with me. I know that everything is going as it's supposed to, but that's it. I don't know any more than you do about our pregnancy.''

''Anna...'' John smiled when she stepped toward him and took his hand in hers, overcome with emotion. Could she be any more perfect?

''It's your first child...and our first child together...and you deserve to meet it at the same time I do.''

John paused for a moment, touched by the fact she had wanted to wait for him so that he could be involved every step of the way. Then he smiled.

''I do apologize if I seemed impatient,'' John said to Dr. Turner, before pulling Anna into yet another kiss. The doctor and nurse looked at each other and chuckled.

''John!'' Anna laughed when he let go of her, and blushed.

''It's quite all right,'' Dr. Turner replied. ''So...shall we?'' He pushed the bed next to John's.

''What... _now_?'' Anna frowned.

''Come up, hop on up,'' the doctor said, patting the bed. ''I think someone wants to finally say hello to Mum and Dad.''

''You mean...really?'' John beamed, when he finally understood what the doctor was up to.

''I think it's time, don't you?'' Dr. Turner grinned and pulled the ultrasound device closer.

Quickly lying down on the bed, Anna took John's hand in hers as the nurse prepared her for the procedure. She could feel he was nervous and to be fair, she was, too. This was it - this was the moment she had been waiting for. They were finally going to see their baby for the first time together.

''Ready?'' Dr. Turner smiled at them, turning the device on.

''What do you think?'' John chuckled, his eyes already glued to the screen.

''Here we go.'' He turned the monitor for them to look at.

''Look at that,'' John whispered, his eyes resting on the shifting black and white image on the monitor. He had no idea what he was looking at, but his eyes instantly filled with tears.

''Oh god.'' He squeezed her hand harder. He had never before experienced such a strong wave of emotions.

''Would you like to listen...?''

''Yes!'' Anna and John chimed in unison.

''All right. Here we go.'' He pushed a button and a rhythmical sound filled the room.

''Oh Anna…'' John gasped and looked at her, a huge smile on his face. ''God, she's loud,'' he chuckled.

''Still sure it's a girl, hmmm?'' Anna teased, unable to pull her eyes from the screen. It felt so good to finally see and hear the tiny life that she and John had created together. It made the whole thing even more real.

''You bet I am.'' He laughed and wiped a tear from his cheek, then turned to Dr. Turner. ''Is everything as it should be?''

''Actually…''

''What is it?'' Anna and John interrupted simultaneously.

''Just listen.'' He smiled and increased the volume on the machine. ''Hear that?'' he asked, and slowly moved the ultrasound wand from one side of her abdomen to the other.

''Hear what?'' Anna asked. She continued listening, but could not understand what Dr. Turner was referring to. All she could hear was the strong heartbeat of their baby. What else were they supposed to hear?

''Oh my god,'' John whispered, when his ears finally detected something else.

''What?'' Anna turned to look at him.

''Is that what I think it is?'' John smiled at Dr. Turner.

''What are you talking about?'' Anna asked again, but it was as if no one had heard her.

''It is,'' Nurse Turner said, standing by her husband.

''Oh my god,'' John repeated in wonder, tears pricking the backs of his eyes once again.

''John! What's going on!?'' Anna raised her voice, realizing that she was the only one who had no idea what was happening.

''There are two!'' he smiled.

''What?'' She looked first at him, then at the screen, and finally at Dr. Turner. ''What is he talking about?''

''Anna, you're going to have twins,'' he replied gently. ''Identical, too, I believe.''

''What?'' Her entire body shook. ''Tw-…twins?''

''Yes,'' he nodded. ''Congratulations!''

''We're having _twins_?!'' She turned to John in shock.

''I know!'' John exclaimed in excitement. If he had been able to stand up and take her in his arms, he would have. He would have hugged her, kissed her lips, and shown her just how much he loved her!

''Here. This is baby number one…'' Dr. Turner pointed to a spot on the screen. ''…and back here is baby number two.''

''Look at my girls!'' John laughed, his eyes glued to the screen.

''What if they are boys, you silly?'' Anna chuckled.

''No way,'' he smiled. ''Are they both all right?''

''Yes.'' The doctor nodded.

''How long have you known?'' Anna asked, curious.

''I had my suspicions from the first day, but you made me promise not to tell you anything, so I had to keep my mouth shut,'' he replied, turning the machine off.

''Here you go. Something for you to take home,'' Nurse Turner said, and offered them a small ultrasound photo of their babies.

''Thank you!'' Anna and John said in unison, then laughed in pure joy.

In the space of one morning, everything had simply fallen back into place. John was conscious, there was not just one baby, but _two_ , growing under Anna's heart, and somehow they both felt certain that - from this day forward - everything would be rosy in their garden, no matter what.

* * *

 **and...we are baaaaaack :) thank you ANNAMBATES for being the best beta! :D ****

 **and thank YOU! :D I do hope you are still interested in this fic! :D if not... :O well...that's ok ;)**


	55. Dr B

**Chapter LV**

''Happy New Year, Dr. Ellingham!'' Anna smiled widely when she bumped into him in the corridor.

''Happy New Year, Miss Smith...and to you, too, Miss Gracie!''

''Happy New Year!'' Gracie said, smiling shyly. Over the past few weeks she had really gotten accustomed to the kind doctor...and the sweets he always seemed to have in his pocket to share with her had helped a lot.

''No family with you on this big day?'' he asked, looking over Anna's shoulder.

''They're on their way; they should be here shortly. They insisted on stopping to get John a few balloons to celebrate,'' she chuckled. She had thought her father had lost his mind when he'd suggested that they get balloons, and she had reminded him that John never felt comfortable being the centre of a big display of attention. Even her mother and Liz had protested, but when Gracie and Steve had sided with George, the women had realized that there was nothing they could say to change their minds. Regardless, they didn't really mind. John was coming home and nothing, not even a few ridiculous balloons, could take away from their happiness.

''Is John ready?'' Anna asked. Now that his cast had finally been removed and he had passed all of his tests with flying colours, he was finally being allowed to go home. His ribs were still a little sore, but Dr. Ellingham had given him the green light to use the crutches. After almost 5 weeks of lying in bed, he knew that John needed to slowly begin moving around on his own and trying to get some of his strength back. The doctor had advised John not to push himself too hard, and he was more than happy to follow that advice. Because if there was one thing John hated, it was being pushed around in a wheelchair, and he definitely didn't want to overextend himself and end up back in a wheelchair for an even longer period of time due to a relapse.

''Almost. There is one more thing I need to do, though,'' the doctor said, walking down the corridor alongside Anna and Gracie toward John's room.

''And what's that?'' Anna asked, hoping he wouldn't say that John needed to stay in hospital for a few more days. She and Gracie couldn't wait to take him home and spoil him rotten.

''Well...as you know, John likely has about four to six months of intense physical therapy in front of him so we can make sure that his knee will become fully functional again, and because this is his last day here, I thought it would be good for you two to meet the doctor who will be working with him to help him walk again.''

''Won't John continue his therapy with Dr. Andrews?''

''No. Dr. Andrews's job was to help him to strengthen important muscles, especially in his leg, during his stay here...including while he was in the coma. And considering that he is already able to walk a few metres using his crutches, we can say that Dr. Andrews did a marvellous job.''

''So why won't he continue working with John?''

''As we touched on before, after John leaves here, he'll continue his therapy at the hospital closer to home. Its rehabilitation therapy program is actually much better than ours…but please don't let anyone know I said that,'' he chuckled. ''They mostly work with war veterans, but I pulled a few strings and managed to get him in.''

''Doctor, you didn't have to do that,'' Anna said, although inside she felt extremely grateful for his extra efforts on John's behalf.

''Please, I did.'' He turned his gaze to the floor before looking back at her. ''I've never told you this, but…when John arrived here, the state he was in...well…he was a mess. We almost lost him on that operating table that morning, and despite the fact that I told you he was going to be all right, I don't know if I really believed it,'' he admitted.

''Please don't feel bad,'' Anna said, smiling. ''The important thing is that you didn't give up on him, no matter what. And you tried to never let _me_ doubt, not for a second, that he would make it. You were there for him and for me, and I don't think I'll ever find a way to thank you enough.''

''You don't need to thank me. John already did.''

''But I do,'' she said, and before he knew it, she had wrapped her arms around him. ''Thank you,'' she said with such honesty and emotion that it almost made him cry. ''Thank you for everything.''

''Please don't make me cry in front of my colleagues,'' he joked, as he felt Gracie throw her arms around his legs and give him her own little hug.

''Sorry…'' Anna chuckled, letting go of him and wiping a tear from her cheek.

''Yes…well...'' Dr. Ellingham coughed self-consciously, as they continued walking toward John's room. ''About John's new therapist...she's one the best in the country, really. Young, but don't let that mislead you. She has worked with many war veterans in the last few years, and managed to help a majority of them get back on their feet. And, if I may add, they were in much worse condition than John is.''

''That's good to know.'' Knowing that John would be in capable hands really made her feel calmer and more confident about everything they were about to face in the next few months.

''It bodes well for John's recovery. I'm very pleased that the program was able to take him.'' He stopped at the door to John's room. ''Shall we?''

''Please.'' Anna smiled at him as he opened the door and gestured for her and Gracie to enter first. ''Oh, hello,'' she said politely, when she saw that John wasn't alone.

''Oh, you're already here. Perfect!'' Dr. Ellingham said, after he closed the door and saw that the new doctor they had been talking about was already with John.

''You know me, Martin. I like to get to know my patients before the first appointment,'' the young woman replied.

''Yes, you do.'' He smiled at her, then turned to look at Anna. ''Miss Smith, let me introduce you to Dr. Edna Braithwaite.''

''How do you do.'' Anna offered her hand in greeting. She had no idea why, but there was something that didn't feel right about the young woman standing in front of her. It didn't bother her that she was young; she herself had been one of the youngest to graduate in her class. But something in the woman's eyes made her feel a bit uneasy.

''How do you do,'' the woman smiled.

''As I already told you, Dr. Braithwaite is one of our finest…''

''One of...?'' Edna cut him off, snickering. ''Don't listen to him...ummmm…what was your name again?''

''Anna Smith,'' she said, looking at John, who grinned back at her.

John's spirits were high, knowing that he was going home shortly, and he had been pleased at the chance to meet Dr Braithwaite. But he knew Anna well enough to sense that something about this new doctor was rubbing her the wrong way.

''Yes, well, Anna… believe me, I'm just what John here needs right now, and you don't have to worry about a thing. I'll have him on his feet before we know it. And please call me Edna. We're going to be spending a lot time together in the next 6 months, so I want us all to be comfortable together.'' She flashed them a huge smile that wasn't reflected in her eyes, giving Anna's gut one more reason to feel wary.

''As you wish,'' Anna replied, and walked over to John, who was already sitting in the wheelchair, more than ready to leave this place.

''Hello, you!'' she said, and placed a warm kiss on his lips. ''Ready to go home?''

''Yes, please.'' He beamed up at her. ''See you on Monday?'' he said, turning to Edna.

''Yes, see you on Monday,'' the woman nodded, smiling.

''All right, then. Let's go!'' Anna moved behind the wheelchair so she could push him toward the door.

''What about the balloons?'' asked Gracie, who up until that moment had been taking in the scene silently.

''What balloons?'' John looked first at her and then at Anna. ''What is she talking about?''

''Oh god, I forgot about that.'' Anna stopped pushing. ''Just act surprised, all right?'' Her dad had made her promise that she wouldn't bring John out until everyone had joined them inside the room.

''Surprised about what?'' John chuckled, seeing her expression.

''It was my father's idea,'' she laughed. ''And then Steve and our young lady here…'' she continued, nodding toward Gracie, who couldn't hold back her giggles, ''…encouraged him to do it.''

''Do what?'' John asked, but before Anna could reply, the door flew open and in walked a grinning George and Steve, with Alice and Liz following close behind, carrying among them at least a dozen gigantic, colourful balloons, as well as a huge brown teddy bear. And Anna's earlier request that John pretend to be surprised turned out to have been completely unnecessary - the look of shock on his face was priceless.

* * *

 **my lovely beta: ANNAMBATES! :D THANK YOU! :)**

 **so...are you ready for Dr Edna? :D ;) ;)**


	56. Spet doma

**Chapter LVI**

''I still don't know why your parents insisted on moving into a hotel. It's not like anyone else will be using the upstairs guest room. It will be weeks before I'll be able to climb the stairs,'' John said, as he took the last bite of his dinner.

''I tried to explain that to them, but they just wouldn't listen,'' Anna replied, and stood up to clear the table. ''Gracie, could you bring the glasses, please?''

''Yes, Mum.''

''Maybe they just wanted to give us some privacy,'' Anna continued, as she set the dirty dishes in the sink. ''Thank you, Gracie. Go on now, run upstairs and brush your teeth.''

''Can I have a biscuit first?'' the girl asked with a huge smile. Ever since she had been told that John was coming home, all she had done was smile.

''Honey, you just ate a whole plate of pasta and...''

''Pleeeaaase...just one?'' she asked sweetly, and then turned to John. ''Please?''

''Please?'' John imitated her tone and expression and looked at Anna, who was standing by the sink, thinking how good it felt to see them ganging up on her again.

''All right...''she laughed.

''Yaaaay!''

''...but only one, young lady,'' Anna added, and smiled at both of them before opening the top drawer, where the biscuits were stored. ''Here you go.''

''Thank you,'' Gracie said, grabbing a biscuit from the tin before running upstairs with Joy at her heels.

''Would you like one, too?'' Anna asked, turning to John.

''No, I'm OK.'' The whole Crawley family had thrown him a small "welcome home" party when he had arrived home and, to be completely honest, he felt rather tired from all the excitement of the day. ''I think I'll just get ready for bed.''

He smiled and pushed himself away from the table. Even though he was allowed to use crutches for brief periods, Dr. Ellingham had insisted that he take the wheelchair home for general use.

''Do you need help?'' Anna asked quickly. With Robert and her dad's help, she had made certain that the downstairs bathroom had been equipped with all the things John would need to successfully move around and have as much independence as he could in his condition. But that did not stop her from worrying.

''No, thank you,'' John chuckled, and wheeled himself closer to her.

''Are you sure?'' she asked worriedly. The last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt while trying to do things on his own. ''I could...''

''Anna...'' He gently took her hand in his. ''...Dr. Andrews showed me everything I need to know in order to use the bathroom on my own. And to be completely honest, I'm dying to pee without someone standing behind my back, waiting for me to finish.'' He laughed.

''But I don't want you to get hurt...'' she protested, but he smiled.

''Look...even if something goes wrong and I fall, there is no way I'd let you pick me up.'' He squeezed her hand. ''I need to figure this out on my own, all right?'' he added softly, hoping that she won't take his words too hard.

''I'm not pushing you away, Anna, it's just...I don't want _you_ to get hurt...especially now,'' he added, and rested his hand on her belly.

''I know you don't,'' she smiled. ''But please promise me one thing.''

''Anything,'' he grinned.

''When you need help - and we both know you will - promise you'll ask for it. If not my help, then Robert's...or someone else's.''

''I promise.'' He nodded and she could see in his eyes that he meant it.

''Thank you,'' she replied as she leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

''Sure.'' A gentle smile spread across his face.

''Good.'' She stepped back. ''Go on, now. Go pee by yourself,'' she teased.

''Thank you.'' He laughed and rolled himself toward the bathroom.

 **xXx**

''Are you sure you'll be comfortable?'' Anna asked, leaning against the doorframe, looking at John who was half-reclining on the big couch, his leg resting on a pile of pillows.

''I'll be all right,'' he smiled, and gave her a nod. ''You look lovely,'' he said, trying to change the subject, aware that she wasn't happy that he would be spending the next few weeks sleeping on the couch.

''What are you talking about?'' she demurred, smiling shyly, and walked to the couch. She looked far from lovely, she thought to herself, wearing one of his old t-shirts and her own blue shorts.

''Come, sit down.'' He took her hand and pulled her down next to him before she could protest. She cuddled closer to him, one of her hands resting on his chest, while he pulled her close. ''God, I've missed you,'' he whispered after some silence. He closed his eyes briefly and inhaled her scent.

''You've missed _me_?'' she joked and looked up. His warm hazel eyes stared back at her with so much love that it almost made her cry. ''I've missed you, too,'' she added seriously, after a few more moments of silence.

''I know,'' he said, before closing the gap between them. Her lips were soft against his and it didn't take them long to deepen the kiss. She sucked on his lower lip gently before he pulled her even closer to him, his hand resting on her lower back, gently stroking it.

''I've missed _this,_ too,'' she giggled, when they finally parted.

''Oh, really?'' he chuckled.

''Mm-hmm,'' she nodded and smiled, blushing, before tucking her head under his chin.

''John?'' she whispered, after a brief pause.

''What?''

''Would you...would you do something for me?'' she asked shyly.

''Anything,'' he replied immediately.

''What is it?'' he asked, when he sensed she was hesitating.

''Oh, you'll think I'm being silly,'' she replied, and tucked her head even further into the crook of his neck.

''Anna, just tell me...please.''

''Would you mind taking your t-shirt off?'' she finally asked, and even though she took him by surprise, John slowly let go of her, sat up and pulled his cotton t-shirt over his head. She didn't have to explain why. He knew she wanted - or needed - to touch him, to feel his bare skin against hers, after so much time without that comfort.

''Lie down,'' he said, and tossed his t-shirt to the end of the couch. He waited for her to get comfortable before he carefully shifted himself onto his side, put his weight on his good leg, and placed a pillow between his legs as Dr. Andrews had shown him.

''John...'' Anna protested, when she saw what he was up to, but he quickly reassured her.

''Don't worry, I'm OK,'' he smiled, and as he finally found the right position, he opened his arms to her. ''Come here.''

And she did so gladly. Her hands immediately went to his chest, and buried her fingers in his chest hair. Being so close to him after so many weeks helped her finally feel safe and content once again.

''Better?'' he asked, as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

''You have no idea,'' she smiled against his skin.

''Good.''

They stayed like this for a couple more minutes, simply enjoying each other's company, when at last John spoke.

''Do you remember the morning after I spent my first night here?''

''You mean the morning after you managed to break my bed in half?'' she giggled.

''I did buy you a new one the very next afternoon,'' he pointed out with a smile.

''Our first bed,'' Anna exhaled.

''Full of wonderful memories,'' he added and placed a kiss on her lips before she could respond.

''Silly beggar.'' She looked down, blushing at the thought.

''So...do you?'' he repeated, when she had made herself comfortable next to him once again.

''Do I what?''

''Do you remember that morning?''

''Ummm...let me see...well, you joined me in the kitchen and we talked about... Oh, yes - about Sybil and Tom's wedding. I'd gotten an email from her asking me to be one of her bridesmaids.''

''Correct. And if you remember, I said something to you that morning. Well, actually it slipped out before I could stop myself...''

''Oh, really?'' she grinned, recalling what he had said to her. She still remembered how he had reddened when the words had left his mouth.

''I said that if we were getting married, I'd brag about it months before it actually happened.''

''John, what are you saying?'' She looked up, uncertain.

''I want to start bragging,'' he chuckled.

''You do?'' she giggled.

''Yes, I think it is time to start telling people, don't you think?''

''OK,'' she nodded, feeling butterflies in her stomach.

''Can we mention these little ones yet?'' he asked, gently nudging her belly with his and smiling.

''I think so.'' She was now 11 weeks pregnant, and as everything was progressing well, she was comfortable with the idea of starting to tell people. ''Dr. Turner said we can, so...yes.''

''We'll tell Gracie first, right?''

''Absolutely.''

''And how about we tell the family at lunch on Sunday?'' Now that John was home, Liz, Steve, Alice, and George had decided to return home, in order to give the young family the time and space they'd need to start putting their lives back together.

''All right.'' Anna nodded. It felt good know that their little secret would be out in the open in a few days.

''My mum is going to be livid with me for not saying a thing,'' John said, a hint of a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

'' _Your_ mum? I'm the one who has been lying to mine about my morning sickness for days!''

''OK, you win,'' he laughed, pulling the covers over them, making sure she was completely covered before continuing. ''But I think they'll forgive us. We're giving them two granddaughters at once, so they really won't have any reason to complain.''

''How can you be so sure they're girls?'' She looked at him and grinned. ''What if they are boys?''

''Anna, a real man always knows what he's planted,'' he said seriously, making her laugh. ''What? I'm serious.''

''But what if they are boys?''

''They aren't.''

''But what if they are?''

''Anna…''

''John…'' She bit the inside of her cheek and giggled.

''Trust me…they're girls.'' He smiled and rubbed her belly.

''All right...if you insist.'' It didn't really matter to her what gender their babies were. All that mattered was that John was here with her, sharing this pregnancy with her, as he should have been from the start. ''But whether they are boys or girls, I'll make sure they know all about what their mum had to go through for them.''

''Still feeling sick?'' Ever since he had regained consciousness, John had done his best to be there for her, to give her all the support she needed, while at the same time feeling incredibly guilty for having been unable to do so after his accident.

''It's not as bad as it was,'' she reassured him.

''Was it the same when you were pregnant with Gracie?'' he asked, gently running his hand down her back, over her behind, and up again.

''No, it was much worse with her. I threw up all day, every day, for the first three months. It was awful. Imagine standing in front of a class, giving a presentation, while at the same time trying not to be sick all over the people in the front row.''

''Did you ever actually…you know?'' he asked, raising an eyebrow.

''Just once. It was so humiliating. It was during one of Dr. Carson's lectures. He was going on and about some old case, even after class ended, and I just couldn't hold it back any longer.''

''What did you do?''

''I tried to run to the toilets, but the rubbish bin was closer, so…''

''Oh, you poor thing,'' he chuckled.

''It wasn't funny!'' She smacked his shoulder playfully and giggled.

''I bet it wasn't,'' he replied, stifling his laughter by nuzzling his face into her hair.

''Anna, I'm sorry you've had to deal with morning sickness again this time, and that I wasn't there for you in the beginning,'' he added seriously, when they had calmed down.

''John, the important thing is that you are here now.'' She ran her finger down his cheek and over his lower lip. ''Plus there wasn't much you could have done for me, except maybe hold my hair back.'' She kept her tone light, not wanting him to feel even guiltier than he already did.

''You do know that I would gladly do that for you.'' He smiled and kissed her finger.

''I do. And that is just one more reason why I love you.''

''Well, maybe next time,'' he added, and it took Anna a moment to realize what he had said.

''Next time? How many are you planning on, Mr. Bates?'' she asked, her face lit with a smile.

''I don't know. Five, maybe six,'' he chuckled, and before she could reply, he covered her lips with his. She giggled into his mouth and for a second it felt like nothing bad had happened to them at all in the last few months. They were back in each other's arms, sharing a kiss, and simply being them.

In the next moment, one of his hands snuck under her t-shirt, his fingers stroking her warm, soft skin with familiar ease. It felt wonderful, and it would have felt even better if Anna hadn't suddenly rammed his injured knee with hers, when she jumped at his hand unexpectedly touching her breast.

''Shiiiiit...'' he hissed through his teeth, as the pain from his knee shot through his entire body, forcing him to leave her mouth and close his eyes, his attention focused on the pain. ''Oh, fuuuck…''

''Sorry! I'm so sorry...'' Anna repeated, moving away from him when she realized what she had done. The last thing she wanted was to cause him even more pain.

''It's OK...'' he managed to say, his eyes still shut tight, his knee burning like hell. ''...just...give me a second.''

''Can I get you anything?'' she asked quickly, wanting to do something - anything - to make him feel better.

''Ummmm, no, I'll be OK.'' He knew that he could take another painkiller, but he was aware how his body reacted to such things, and he wasn't about to take a chance of getting addicted to them. Abusing hard liquor when he and Anna had been apart had taught him to be smarter this time around, even though his knee was screaming for relief. ''Just hold me.''

''But I don't want to hurt you again,'' Anna whispered, holding back tears. It pained her to see him like this, and to know that she had caused it, even if unintentionally.

''You won't. I just need to learn to keep my hands to myself.'' He finally opened his eyes and grinned, hoping to coax a smile from her. ''Come here.''

''Don't you dare!'' she replied with a tentative smile, before carefully cuddling up to him again. She took his hand and placed it back over her breast. ''You just surprised me, that's all.''

''No more surprises, I promise.'' He kissed her and tried to push his throbbing knee out of his mind, which - because of the way she was kissing him - turned to be easier that he would have expected.

''I'm sorry,'' she apologized again when they ended the kiss.

''I know,'' he mumbled against her cheek, and once again ran his hand over her breast before resting it on her hip.

Anna could feel him smiling against her skin.

''What?'' she asked, guessing the reason for his smile.

''Nothing.'' He kissed her neck gently.

''John, just say it,'' she smiled, running her fingers through his hair.

''What are you talking about?'' he asked innocently, which only made Anna laugh.

''John?''

''All right, all right,'' he laughed when he saw her expression. ''You're not the only one who got a surprise.'' He looked her directly into the eye with a grin. The moment he had seen her standing by the door, wearing only a T-shirt, he'd noticed one of the many changes her body had undergone. The pregnancy really suited her in every possible way, and the fuller size of her breasts was only the beginning.

''You like them, don't you?'' she laughed even more, feeling pleased with his response to her changing body.

''What is there not to like?'' he chuckled.

''Mhm, let's just wait and see what you think when everything else gets bigger,'' she joked, pushing herself closer to him.

''Anna, your body is getting ready to give us the best gift we could have ever asked for. And if you think that I will not find you beautiful or sexy during the process, you are wrong...so, so wrong,'' he whispered against her lips. She kissed him, not giving him a chance to say anything more for several minutes.

''Oh god, we need to stop kissing like this,'' he gasped, out of breath, when they finally parted.

''Are you sure?''

''Annaaa...'' he hissed, as she ran her nails over one of his nipples. ''Please don't...''

''All right. But can I stay here with you? I don't think I'd be able to fall asleep, knowing that you were downstairs all alone, '' she pleaded, cuddling closer to him as she felt her eyes getting heavier.

He rested his hand on her hip before whispering into her hair, ''Only if you can behave yourself.'' A blissful smile settled on his face as they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta annambates :) thank you! :D**

 **... ;)**


	57. B sestra

**Chapter LVII**

''What?!'' Liz managed to ask, while the rest of the family stared at the front of Gracie's t-shirt. The shirt was emblazoned with the words 'BIG SISTER' and had been revealed rather dramatically when the little girl had proudly unzipped the front of her hoodie.

''We're pregnant, Mum,'' John finally said, while squeezing Anna's hand on the table. The trio had originally planned to share the happy news after dessert, but somehow they had not been able to wait that long.

''I...wha-...umm...oh my god!'' Liz's face registered first shock, then amazement, when it finally dawned on her what her son was telling them.

''Congratulations!'' Steve was the first with a coherent response, then Liz, Alice, and Cora all launched themselves toward Anna and John, everyone talking at once in their euphoria.

''Oh, my dear boy!'' Liz exclaimed, kissing her son's cheek.

''I knew there was something you weren't telling me!'' Alice scolded Anna lightly. ''How long have you known?''

''For almost 5 weeks now,'' she admitted a bit sheepishly. She was thrilled to see such a joyful response. When she had first told her parents about Gracie, their reaction had been the complete opposite.

''Anna, you should have told us sooner!''

''Maybe, but I'm glad I didn't. I really wanted all of us to be together before we shared the happy news.'' Anna looked lovingly at John, and she didn't need to say anything further for the rest of them to understand why she had kept quiet.

''How are you feeling?'' Cora asked.

''I feel really good. And according to Dr. Turner, everything is in order.'' Anna leaned back in the chair, her hand resting on her belly.

''Dr. Turner?'' Alice asked.

''He's Anna's OB-GYN,'' Robert chimed in, drawing everyone's attention immediately. While getting Anna to her appointments every Monday, he had become very familiar with the doctor.

''How on earth do you know that?'' Cora asked, puzzled.

''Umm…well...'' Robert shifted from one leg to the other. As he had promised Anna, he hadn't told a soul about her pregnancy, not even his own wife.

''Robert?'' Cora asked, waiting for an answer.

''Well, you see...the thing is...ummm...Anna…uhhh...'' He turned toward Anna, hoping that she'd explain herself.

''It's OK, Robert.'' Anna giggled. ''The reason he knows Dr. Turner is because he has been driving me to my appointments every Monday for the last 5 weeks.''

''What?'' Cora moved her gaze from Anna to Robert, overwhelmed with love for her husband when she finally understood where he had been disappearing every Monday afternoon for the last month. ''But...of all the people you could have told, you told _Robert_?!'' she teased.

''I said the same thing when she told me that he was the one she had confided in,'' John smirked, making the whole room laugh.

''I _am_ in the room, you know? I _can_ hear you,'' Robert reminded them, pretending to be offended.

''Oh, don't listen to them, Robert. You were the best!'' Anna stood up and gave him a hug, before returning to John's side. ''Thank you.''

''Don't worry, Cora - we have some news that not even Robert is privy to.'' John grinned at Anna.

''What do you mean?'' Robert asked.

''Well...'' Anna stepped behind John's chair and rested her hands on his shoulders.

''What? What?!'' Alice asked eagerly.

''Gracie?'' John smiled at her.

''You mean there's more?'' Liz asked, and they all turned to look at Gracie, who simply beamed back at them.

''What is your daddy talking about, Pumpkin?'' George prodded gently, looking down at her.

But the girl did not answer. Turning to her parents, she gave them a cheeky smile and shrugged off her hoodie.

''Ready?'' she grinned.

''Ready for what?'' Steve asked. And with that, Gracie turned around and showed all of them what was written on the back of her t-shirt.

'''OF TWINS','' they all read in one voice.

'''Big Sister... _of Twins_ '?! Oh my god, OH MY GOOOOD!'' Alice shrieked, with Liz soon joining in. This was getting better and better by the minute!

''Two babies!'' Alice jumped up and down before she threw herself into Anna's arms. ''Oh my god, Anna! Sit! SIT DOWN! We can't have you standing in your condition!'' She quickly pulled a chair over.

''Mum, I'm all right,'' Anna giggled, and rolled her eyes at John, who had a foolish smile on his face. Sharing the news with the family had turned out to be even better than they had expected.

''You old dog! I had no idea you had it in you!'' Robert whispered and placed his arm around John's shoulder.

''Well, thank you, Robert.'' John looked up and grinned at him before turning to George, who was still sitting quietly behind the table. ''George, are you OK?''

''Dad?'' Anna called, when he did not reply. Still there was no response.

''George?'' Alice turned to him, but he remained silent until Anna walked over to him.

''Dad? What's wrong?'' she asked, kneeling down to look him in the eye.

''Wrong?'' he finally said softly. ''Why would anything be wrong, my darling girl?'' Anna could see tears filling his eyes.

''My little girl is pregnant! With twins!'' He stood up and pulled his daughter into his arms. ''I'm going be a grandpa! Again!'' He laughed, brushing tears from his cheeks, making the whole room even more emotional than it already was.

''Oh, George...'' Alice smiled, and wrapped her arms around both of them.

''I do hope you'll make an honest woman of her soon, Bates!'' George warned him affably, dabbing at his happy tears with his handkerchief.

''Well, about that...'' John smiled at Anna.

''You _didn't_...?!'' Liz turned to her son anxiously. John and Vera had had a quick wedding at a registry office all those years ago, and she absolutely hated the thought that she might have missed her only son's second wedding, too. ''Don't you dare tell me that you two got married without telling anyone...!''

''What?!'' Alice quickly raised her voice. ''Anna?!''

''Did you know about this?'' Cora spoke next, staring at Robert, who had no idea what John was talking about.

''Calm down! Calm down, everybody!'' Anna walked over to John. ''We did _not_ get married!''

''What is he talking about, then?'' George asked, panicking slightly. He had become very fond of John over the last few months, but if this man ever dared to steal his opportunity to walk his only daughter down the aisle...well, that was one thing he would never be able to forgive him - or her - for.

''I _have_ asked Anna to marry me," John announced. "And...''

''And?'' they all asked in unison, staring at both of them in anticipation.

''What did you say?'' Alice turned to Anna, unable to wait any longer.

''What do you think?'' Anna chuckled, causing the whole room to erupt in cheers once again.

They had all thought that they were going to have a simple family lunch, enjoying each other's company before both sets of parents returned back north, but in the space of ten minutes, everything had changed. After all that had happened to them in the last year, this wonderful news put everything into new perspective. There was so much hope, happiness, and love in the air, and they all truly believed that this time John and Anna's luck would finally last.

* * *

 **ANNAMBATES! :) THANK YOU!***


	58. Darilo

**Chapter LVIII**

''Jane, could you please bring me Miss Depp's file when you have a minute?'' Anna called from her desk. It felt absolutely fantastic to be back at work after almost two months' absence. She had wanted to stay home longer to take care of John, but he had encouraged her to return and begin putting her career back on track.

''Jane?'' she called again, her eyes glued to the computer screen. ''Jane, are you there?'' she tried once more when there was still no reply.

''What on earth...?'' she whispered to herself, hearing laughter outside of her office. She walked to the door, and when she opened it, she could see Jane, Ethel, and Daisy standing around Jane's workstation with their backs to her, too involved in examining whatever was on the desk to notice her.

 **xXx**

''I swear - if Anna wasn't such a good friend, I would make a move on him. I bet he's an _animal_ in bed,'' Ethel snickered, while reading the card.

''Ethel! Put that back - it's private!'' Daisy gasped.

''All right, all right.'' Ethel grudgingly returned the card to the bouquet. "But you have to admit that he's a _hot_ bloke.'' Ethel laughed when she saw her friend make a face. ''Oh, Daisy - don't be such a baby. Look at these - red roses! If these don't scream 'I'll do that thing you love so much tonight,' I don't know what does.''

''They're only flowers, Ethel...plus he's just returned from hospital. I doubt if sex is on his mind right now.'' Jane rolled her eyes.

''What thing will he do?'' Daisy asked innocently.

''He's a living, breathing man, isn't he? All they think about is sex, dear Jane.'' Ethel turned to her with a smirk on her face.

''What _thing_?'' Daisy asked once again, a little louder.

''Oh, Daisy! Hasn't William taught you anything in the past year?! You know, like...'' Ethel began with a grin, when Jane interrupted her.

''OK, that's enough, you two. Come on, move aside, I need to get these to her.''

''Oh, come on, Jane - don't be a spoilsport. I'm sure Anna has told you some juicy details. He got her pregnant with twins...at _his_ age, for that matter. Believe me, he is _good_. And why am I the only one who talks about these things anyway? It's only _sex_. I thought we were friends.''

''Ethel, we've told you a million times before and I'll tell you again, no one - and I really mean _no one_ \- wants to know about your sex life.'' Jane chuckled as Ethel began to pout.

''Oh come on...all I want is confirmation that he's good in the sack...maybe you could ask Anna for me...'' Ethel began, but quickly closed her mouth when the three of them turned around and saw Anna standing behind them.

''What's going on?'' Anna smiled.

''Ummm, well...''

''These came for you...'' Jane said quickly, and pushed the large bouquet of red roses into Anna's hands. ''...and this, too.'' She pointed to a bulky package on the table.

''Oh?'' Anna raised her eyebrows in surprise.

''Come on, open it,'' Ethel said, without thinking. ''I need to know what you got. _And_ who sent it,'' she added, pretending she had no idea.

''Oh, shut up, Ethel. You know perfectly well who they came from,'' Daisy finally interjected. ''She read the card,'' she explained to Anna, before walking away.

Ethel started after her. '' _Dai-sy_!''

''Yeah, yeah.'' Daisy laughed at her annoyance and kept walking, Ethel chasing close behind.

''OK, what was that all about?'' Anna asked, turning to Jane and laughing.

''Ethel, that's what,'' Jane replied. ''The delivery boy left these here for you a couple of minutes ago. I wanted to bring them straight in, but Ethel and Daisy walked by, and you know how Ethel is.''

''Yeah, I do.''

''How much did you hear?''

''Enough to know that I can't leave John alone in Ethel's company anymore,'' Anna chuckled.

''Yes, maybe you're right,'' Jane laughed. '' So...''

''So...what?''

''...are you going to read it?'' She nodded at the card nestled among the roses.

Anna inhaled the fresh scent of the flowers and smiled. ''I will.'' She picked up the package from Jane's table and carried it, along with the bouquet, into her office without another word.

''Oh, come on, Anna,'' Jane complained good-naturedly, dying to know what John had written in the card. ''That's not fair!'' she teased, as Anna chuckled, closing the office door behind her.

Putting the package on her table, Anna sat down and ran her fingers over the velvety red petals. She wasn't surprised at the fact that John had sent her flowers; he had done it many times before. But this time she had no idea what the occasion could be. And what could possibly be in the package?

''What are you up to, John?'' she whispered to herself, finally taking the card from the bouquet.

 _''_ _Open the package, put it on, and come home. We're waiting for you. J &G xoxox'' _

So Gracie was in on this, too? The little minx hadn't said a word this morning when Anna had taken her to school.

Setting the card down, she turned her attention back to the package, quickly removing the red ribbon and pulling away the glossy white paper.

''What...?" she frowned, puzzled as to why John and Gracie would send her a red and white Christmas jumper adorned with reindeer, when February was just around the corner.

Just then, voices outside her office pulled Anna out of her brooding.

''Has Anna already gone?'' Mary's voice asked.

''Gone where?'' Jane replied.

Suddenly Anna's office door opened.

''Anna? Anna, why are you still here?'' Mary asked, as she walked in. ''Come on, put the silly jumper on and get home!''

''How do you know about...? Are you in on this, too?''

''Go home,'' Mary chuckled. ''That's an order, Miss Smith!''

''Mary? Mary - what's going on!?'' Anna called out, but she had already closed the door behind her.

This whole situation was getting stranger with every passing minute. First, roses for no reason at all, then this jumper, and now Mary seemed to already know about whatever John and Gracie were up to. Anna had no idea what was waiting for her at home, but she couldn't wait to find out. Shutting down her computer, she pulled the ridiculous reindeer jumper over her head, made sure her raincoat concealed it completely, and hurried out of the office.

* * *

 **AMB thank you!** xoxox


	59. Božič

**Chapter LIX**

''She's here!'' Gracie informed John, when she saw her mother's car stop in front of the flat through the curtains.

''OK, get ready!'' John smiled and looked around the room to make sure everything was in place before disappearing into the kitchen. ''Where is Joy?''

''With me,'' Gracie answered from the hallway, where she and the dog had taken their positions.

''Here we go...'' John whispered to himself, as he heard Anna unlocking the front door. To be completely honest, he felt even more excited about this than Gracie did. He had been planning this since almost the moment he had regained consciousness, and he could only hope that Anna would love what was waiting for her.

''Hello!'' Gracie exclaimed, jumping in a surprise greeting when Anna finally stepped into the flat.

''Oh...hello!'' Anna smiled, seeing her standing in the middle of the hall with a huge grin on her face. ''Darling, what's going on?''

Without saying a thing, Gracie walked up to her mum and asked her to lean down.

''Gracie...?'' Anna asked, but from the look her daughter was giving her, she knew that the only thing she could do was to obey.

As she leaned down, Gracie pulled a red scarf out of her jeans pocket and tied it over Anna's eyes. Silently she took her mother by the hand, and Anna could sense that she was being pulled toward the sitting room.

The first thing that hit her when the sitting room door opened and then closed behind them was the warmth, immediately followed by a familiar sound and scent. But before she could say anything, Gracie untied the scarf and shouted, ''Merry Christmas, Mum!''

''Oh, my god!'' Anna gasped and covered her mouth. The whole room was adorned with Christmas decorations - there were faery lights everywhere, and a huge Christmas tree towered between the fireplace and the window, with dozens of gifts under it. According to the calendar it was the end of January, but she had been transported back to the 25th of December. Everything she loved about Christmas was packed into their little sitting room. Her favourite Christmas carols were playing and, when she was finally able to move from her spot and walk to the Christmas tree, she could see four stockings hanging from the mantel above the fireplace with their names written on them - John, Anna, Gracie, and Joy.

''Do you like it?'' Gracie finally asked, sitting down on the couch.

''Oh, darling...'' Anna turned around and walked over to her. ''I love it!'' Hot tears ran down her cheeks as she gave Gracie a kiss and a hug. ''It's beautiful! But how...? When...?'' she stammered. When the two of them had left the place that morning, there hadn't been a single thing lying around which could have given her any clue about this complete transformation.

''We had some help.'' John's deep voice drew Anna's attention to her left. He was standing under the kitchen doorframe, wearing a dark green jumper with a smiling Santa on it and a sprig of mistletoe hanging above his head. He looked absolutely ridiculous and felt even more ridiculous than he looked, to be honest, but seeing Anna's face made him feel warm inside. Everything that he, Robert, Cora, and Gracie had done with the place that day had been more than worth it. ''Happy Christmas, Love!'' he grinned.

''Oh, John...'' Anna could feel tears welling in her eyes once again as she walked over and wrapped her arms around him, almost knocking down the crutches from underneath his arms. ''What's all this?'' she asked, gazing up at him.

''Well, I felt bad that Christmas was ruined because of me, so I decided to give all of us the Christmas we deserve. I'm sure no one will mind us celebrating a whole month late, considering everything that happened.'' He chuckled. ''What do you think?''

''Just kiss me!'' she giggled, before pressing her lips to his. Letting one of his crutches fall to the floor, he pressed her closer and felt her pleasantly humming against his lips.

''Happy Christmas to you, too,'' she said, when they ended the kiss. She just could not believe it. He was absolutely perfect. She knew these last few weeks hadn't been easy on him, or any of them, truth be told. He had been nervous and in pain, exhausted after spending hours doing physical therapy at the hospital, and still…he knew how much Christmas meant to her and Gracie and had taken the time to give them the Christmas they had all hoped for before the accident had interfered with those plans.

''Can we eat?'' Gracie asked, from behind Anna's back. She had a huge grin on her face; seeing her mum and dad smiling after all this time made her the happiest child in the world.

''Eat?'' Anna turned around confused. ''You cooked, too?''

''What would Christmas be without my famous Christmas turkey?'' John smiled.

''You two are unbelievable,'' Anna whispered, and kissed his cheek.

''Come,'' he answered simply and allowed both of his girls to enter the kitchen, where their very belated Christmas lunch was waiting for them.

 **xXx**

''Can we open the gifts now?'' Gracie asked, sitting in front of the fireplace. After they had eaten their Christmas dinner and she and John had spent almost 10 minutes convincing Anna to forget about the dirty dishes for a while, they had decided to move their celebration into the sitting room.

''Sure, Munchkin - go ahead,'' John replied. He was sitting next to Anna on the couch, wearing a green paper crown on his head. ''The red one is from me and your mother,'' he added, as he pulled Anna closer to him.

''But…'' Anna began, but John just smiled. ''Shh...It's all right,'' he said soothingly. He could tell she felt bad that she hadn't bought any of the gifts, but it didn't matter who had done the shopping. This was about celebrating together as a family, trying to make up for some of the time they had lost.

''What did we get her?'' Anna whispered, while Gracie was tearing the wrapping paper.

''You'll see,'' John whispered back, and kissed her temple. Gracie gasped, holding a new _Where's Wally_ 30th anniversary edition book in her hands. For the last few months she had been completely obsessed with the little fellow with the red and white striped shirt.

''Thank you!'' she exclaimed, before standing up and hugging both of them. ''Can I go to my room?'' she asked, jumping up and down.

''Sure, go on!'' Anna smiled. She turned to John when Gracie had left the room, Joy at her heels. ''How on earth did you get it? I thought that book wasn't going to be published for another month.''

''I know some people,'' he replied, winking. ''Here.'' He took a small box from the coffee table and hand it to her. ''This one is for the babies.''

''I do love you, you know that, right?'' She took the gift from his hands. He really was the sweetest, kindest man.

''I do. Come on, open it,'' he encouraged, and she did.

''Oh, John!'' she gasped, as she pulled a white dreamcatcher out of the box. ''It's beautiful!''

''Well, I thought...after everything we've been through…it might be good to hang this above their cots and make sure they are protected from bad dreams and evil spirits from the very beginning. What do you think...'' but he didn't have a chance to finish what he wanted to say. Anna covered his lips with hers, doing her best to let him know how much she loved the gift, how much she loved him.

''You are unbelievable.'' She rested her forehead against his when they ended the kiss.

''So...you like it?'' he chuckled.

''I love it...and I love _you_. So much.''

''I love you, too. That's the reason I got you this, as well,'' he replied, and pulled a small white box out of his back pocket. ''I've been meaning to give it to you since we got back from Scotland, but it never seemed like the right time. Until now,'' he explained. ''If someone had told me, 17 months ago, that I'd be as happy as I am right now, I'd have said that he was losing his mind. I love you, Anna. I love everything about you. We've been through so much since we got together. And no matter how hard it's gotten sometimes, my feelings toward you have never changed. At the end of the day, you were the only person I wanted to fall asleep with and wake up with. And you still are that person. So…how about we make this official?'' He opened the box and smiled shyly.

''Oh, my god!'' Anna gasped and covered her mouth, gazing at the simple white gold engagement ring.

''I know you already said yes, and I really do hope you won't mind me not kneeling down this time around...but…would you make me the happiest man in the entire universe by saying you'll be my wife?'' He knew it seemed funny to ask her again when she had already accepted, but John felt that it was the right thing to do, now that he had a ring to give her.

''Just when I thought that I couldn't love you more, you go and do this,'' Anna faltered, brushing a tear from her cheek.

''So...that's a yes?'' he smiled, staring at her. It made his heart burst with pride and love to see her so happy.

''What do you think?'' she laughed. '' _Of course_ it's a yes!'' She launched herself into his arms. They shared a sweet, slow kiss, one full of love and hope. ''I love you, John Bates,'' she whispered against his lips.

''You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that,'' he grinned, and took her hand. ''Here…'' He finally slipped the ring onto her finger. ''You're mine now.''

Anna giggled, replying simply, ''Forever.''

* * *

 **annambates thank you! now...get some rest! :D**

 **good morning reader! :D**


	60. Imena

**Chapter LX**

''I can't do this!'' John gasped. After a month and a half of intense physical therapy, he could feel his knee slowly getting back to its normal state, but no matter how hard he worked, there were still some exercises that he had trouble completing.

''Yes, you can! Come on, John! Three more times and we're done!'' Edna said firmly, standing beside him. As Dr. Ellingham had described, she was young but tough, and determined to get John on his feet within a five-month timeframe. ''Three….two…come on! One more time! That's it!'' She laughed and handed him a towel. ''Good job!''

''What are you talking about? I still can't complete this without almost dying in the middle of it!''' John retorted.

''Oh, don't be so hard on yourself! You've made so much progress in the last few weeks. And though it's hard for me to admit, you really have to thank Dr. Andrews for that. He did an awesome job while you were in hospital. You are strong and getting stronger, and if we keep doing what we are doing, you will be back to your old self before the end of June.'' Edna helped him sit up. ''Here.'' She handed him a bottle of water.

''Thanks.'' John took the bottle and took a huge swallow. He knew Edna was right. He had made an enormous amount of progress these past months, but it still bothered him that he couldn't do certain things the way he wanted to. ''Thank god it's Friday!'' he joked, and lay down again, trying to catch his breath.

''Hey! And here I was thinking that you enjoy spending time with me!'' Edna teased, while putting away the exercise equipment.

''I do,'' John chuckled and looked at her. ''But I can't lie and say I wouldn't prefer taking a break once in a while. Especially when I'm the one who does all the work around here.''

''Oh, shut up, Bates!'' she laughed, and tossed another towel directly into his face. ''You'll miss me when we're done.''

''We'll see.'' He winked at her. They had become friends during the past few weeks, and John was glad he had been assigned Dr. Edna Braithwaite to help him get back on his feet.

''Here.'' She handed him his crutches. ''And remember - if you're in pain, just place the ice pack on the knee and take two pain pills. But only two, all right?''

''Yes, ma'am,'' John replied, and stood up.

''Who is picking you up today?'' she asked.

 **'** 'Anna. She is…'' he began, when his mobile started ringing. ''Just a sec.'' He answered the call with a grin on his face. ''Hello, love.''

While talking to Anna, he turned his back to Edna, whose face dropped when she saw how happy he was on hearing his fiancée's voice. John was kind, funny, smart, and unbelievably handsome for a man of his age, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't attracted to him. But he was taken… _for now,_ that is, she thought to herself, running her eyes over his body.

''No worries, I'll just ask Rober-…Anna, stop apologizing! It's OK!''

So the _perfect_ Miss Smith had once again stood him up, she smirked, while racking her brain, trying to think of some way to spend more time with him.

''Everything all right?'' she asked, when he ended the call.

''Yes, yes… Anna just needs to stay in court for a while longer and can't pick me up.''

''Oh?''

''Yeah, she's working on this big case right now, and...well…'' He was glowing, obviously very proud of her.

''What?'' Edna asked and leaned on the chair close to him. ''Is something wrong?''

''Quite the opposite, really,'' he grinned. ''It's nice to see her back at work after everything that happened, that's all.''

''Oh, yeah, that's nice.'' She feigned a smile. ''So…who is taking you home, then?''

''I think I'll give Robert a call,'' John replied, putting his things into his old, well-worn sport bag.

''Hasn't he already left the city with the family by now?'' she asked. It was Sybil and Tom's first wedding anniversary, and Robert was throwing them a big party at their family estate, Downton Abbey, back in the north. John had mentioned it to her earlier, during their session.

''Oh, that's right. Well, I can always take the bus.'' He shrugged.

''Oh, don't be silly,'' she replied quickly - a bit too quickly, in fact.

''What? Bad idea? Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'll call a taxi.''

''John.'' She walked over to him with a smile. ''I'll take you,'' she said, and rested her hand on his muscled shoulder.

''I can't ask-…'' he protested, but Edna's mind was already made up.

''Doctor's orders,'' she said. ''And you know that I never take no for an answer.''

''Are you sure? I can easily tak-…''

''Just shower and meet me downstairs,'' she smiled. Maybe this was her chance to get to know him just a little bit better, she thought to herself. She wasn't used to doing so much work to get a man's attention. Usually all she had to do was wink and they came running, but John wasn't like that. He joked and smiled with her, but so far he hadn't given her a single smile or touch that would indicate that he might be interested. It was driving her crazy, but if Edna had one thing, it was patience.

''If you're sure…''

''I'll be waiting,'' she said, before walking out of the room.

 **xXx**

''You really shouldn't have,'' John said when Edna parked her car in front of Anna's flat. It was supposed to be a ten-minute drive, but Edna had insisted that they stop for a coffee on the way.

''It was just a coffee, John, and not even a good one.'' She smiled. ''Especially if you drink it out of these things.'' She pointed at her paper takeaway cup. She had hoped that she could spend some time with him in the cafe, but John had insisted they drink it in the car on their way.

''Well, good or not, thank you,'' he replied. ''For the coffee and the ride.''

''It was my pleasure,'' she nodded, smiling. ''Maybe we can do it again one day?'' she added, hoping he would say yes.

''Sure,'' John smiled and unbuckled himself. ''See you on Monday?''

''See you on Monday,'' she replied. ''Oh, let me help you!'' she added quickly, when John began to slowly rise out of his seat. ''Here.'' She walked around the car to him and handed him his bag.

''Thanks,'' he said politely, and slung it over his shoulder.

''No problem.'' Before John knew what was happening, she stepped up onto her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek. ''Bye,'' she said sweetly, got into the car, and drove away.

''I must say that Robert has changed quite a bit since the last time I saw him.'' Anna's voice made John turn around. She had gotten home just a few minutes before John had, and seeing an unfamiliar car stopping in front of the flat had caught her attention **.**

''What?'' John looked at her, confused. ''Oh, you mean Edna. Well, we forgot that Robert had already left for Yorkshire, so she offered me a ride home so I wouldn't have to take the bus.''

''Mhm,'' she nodded, and walked toward him. ''Should I be worried?''

''What do you mean? Worried about what?''

''Well, I don't know a lot of doctors who drive their patients home. Or kiss them goodbye.'' She was teasing, but deep down she could feel pangs of jealousy.

''Anna…are you serious? She's my doctor - she was just trying to be nice.''

''She is also a woman.'' She rested her hands on his shoulders. ''And I saw how she was looking at you.''

''What? How...? Anna, what are you talking about?''

''She wants you.''

''Oh, don't be ridiculous.'' John frowned, wondering what had brought all this on.

''I'm not being ridiculous. I'm telling you - she's into you,'' Anna replied.

''OK, OK.'' He held up his hands. ''Even if what you are saying is true, you really don't have anything to worry about. There is only one woman in this world I want, and that woman, my darling, is you.'' He wrapped one of his hands around her waist.

''So if she made a move on you, you'd tell her you have a beautiful, amazing, fat fiancée waiting for you at home?'' she smiled, feeling herself letting go of the whole Edna thing for now. But only for now. From the moment Anna had met her, she had known that something was off. She did not trust the woman...and if Edna thought she could make a move on her man, she had another thing coming.

''I sure would.'' John smiled, leaning in for a kiss.

''I'm not fat, you know?'' She turned her head to the side, forcing John to rest his head on her shoulder instead. ''It's not my fault that I'm only 5'2" and…'' she began, but John interrupted her with a kiss, and whispered against her lips, ''You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life, and I would not change a thing about you.''

''I'm not fat, all right?'' she persisted.

''No, you are not.'' He chuckled. Ever since her bump had started becoming more obvious, she had gotten it into her head that she looked fat. ''Pregnant with twins - yes, fat - no.''

''Thank you.'' She finally smiled, and gave him a kiss which ended much sooner than John would have liked.

''Are you OK?'' he asked, when she stepped away and let go of him.

''Yes.'' she said a little too quickly. ''We just need to hurry or we'll miss our plane.'' What she said was true, but something didn't feel quite right to him. Could she really be that worried about Edna, John wondered.

''The taxi should be here in a few minutes,'' Anna rattled on, ignoring the way John was watching her.

''Gracie phoned,'' she said, changing the subject again. Tom and Sybil had offered to pick Gracie up from school a little early so that she could fly with them to the north, allowing Anna and John not to worry about who would look after her while they were out of the flat for the day. ''She and little Sybbie are sharing a room.''

''Oh, really? That's nice.''

''It is,'' Anna agreed, waiting patiently for John to climb the three stairs leading into the flat, where they would get ready for their little trip to the North.

 **xXx**

''John! Anna! Welcome to Downton!'' Robert greeted them when they stepped through the huge front door of Crawley family's estate, which was nowadays run as an expensive and exclusive hotel. Robert knew that closing the estate for the weekend would cost him a lot of money, but he really wanted to give his youngest daughter and son-in-law the biggest, most memorable party he could afford.

''Hello.'' Anna smiled and gave him a hug.

''How was the flight?''

''Very nice. Captain Coyle definitely knows what he is doing.''

''He's one of my best,'' Robert grinned proudly. ''Mr. Robinson, would you mind taking their luggage up to the Sunflower suite?''

''Certainly, sir.'' A young man nodded and disappeared up the massive staircase with Anna and John's bags.

''Dinner will be served in 30 minutes. Gracie is upstairs with Sybil and Sybbie - their bedroom is next to yours. We'll be waiting for you in the drawing room. Don't be late!'' Robert beamed, thrilled about spending the whole weekend with his family and friends and throwing the greatest party Downton Abbey had ever seen. ''If you need anything - anything at all - just ask young Mr. Robinson...or me, of course.''

''Thank you Robert,'' Anna smiled.

''Anything for you two,'' he replied. ''Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to check and see if everything is ready.'' He walked away, leaving Anna and John alone.

''It really is as beautiful inside as it is outside.'' Anna looked around and tried to take everything in. It was an amazing building, and she was glad that she had finally gotten the chance to explore it.

''You've never been inside?'' John asked, surprised. He knew that Anna and Mary had been good friends for years, so he just assumed that Anna had already had the pleasure of visiting the place.

''No.'' She shook her head. ''I mean, I saw it from far away when I was a little girl, but…''

''What do you mean 'when you were a little girl'?''

''Oh, I never told you, did I...'' Anna grinned and started walking toward the lifts.

''Told me what?''

''My dad's side of the family is originally from here. My grandparents lived in Ripon when I was a kid.''

''Really?''

''Yeah. I spent every summer here until they were forced to sell their cottage and move away.'' Anna's voice shook just a little as she stepped into the lift.

''How were they forced to sell?'' John frowned.

''They had gotten into some financial difficulty, and...well…'' She shrugged her shoulders. ''…it broke my grandpa's heart, selling the cottage. It had been in the family for generations.''

''I'm sorry to hear that.''

''Thank you,'' Anna said softly. Like her grandparents, she had adored the place when she was younger. It had been a perfect family cottage on the edge of the village, with the largest, most beautiful garden in front and the greenest forest behind. She had spent the best summers of her childhood there.

''Come, let's get ready,'' John said gently, when the lift doors opened. He was interested in hearing more about this part of Anna's past that he knew nothing about, but he could see in her eyes that she wasn't in the mood to talk about it further. He guessed that it made her sad to know that there were strangers living in the cottage that had belonged to the Smith family for generations, and John knew her well enough not to press her on it. She would tell him everything there was to know about her family, their lost cottage, and little Anna Smith running around Ripon when she was ready.

 **xXx**

''You know what the best part of being here this weekend is?'' John asked from the bathroom while getting ready for bed. The dinner had been a complete success and, after checking on Gracie who had already been in bed for hours, they had decided to turn in themselves. It had been a long, hard week, and they both knew that if they were to survive the next day, they both needed a good night's sleep.

''What?'' Anna asked, already nestled in bed.

''Well, Miss Smith...I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed in you.''

''John, what are you talking about?''

''And here I am thinking you've missed me,'' he said, turning the bathroom lights off and walking into the room. ''The best thing about being here this weekend is sharing a bed again.''

''Take that back! Of course I've missed you!'' Anna replied, sitting up.

''You or your cold feet?'' he teased, and sat down on his side after placing his crutches next to the bed.

''You little…!'' She grabbed his pillow and threw it at his back.

''I'm kidding, I'm kidding!'' he laughed, and lay down carefully.

''How can you even think that?!'' she scolded again. It had been almost 3 months since they had last shared a bed, and it tore Anna's heart apart not to wake up next to him every morning. She had spent a few nights with him on the couch downstairs, but after a while her back had started aching. It had taken John almost a week to convince her to go back to sleeping upstairs in their bed, but in the end she had finally agreed.

''Hey, hey - I was only joking,'' he said softly, when he saw that she had tears in her eyes.

''It's not funny, John!''

''Anna darling, come here.'' He pulled her down into his embrace. ''I'm sorry, love. Of course I know you've missed me; I've missed you, too.'' He kissed her forehead.

''I have. I've missed you so much,'' she whispered against his chest.

''I know. I'm sorry.''

''You'd better be,'' she replied a little harshly, but John knew that it was the hormones talking, not her. He had noticed a couple of times now that when she was upset about something, her tone of voice got sharper than it usually did.

''I am.''

''Good.'' She cuddled closer to him, inhaling his scent. She had really missed him, more than he could ever know. His scent in their sheets, his large form pressing into hers while they slept, his strong, protective arm around her waist, holding her against him…she had missed all those little things that made them a couple. It was just sleeping in the same bed, but god - she had missed it...and him.

''May I?'' he asked after a while, and she knew right away what he meant.

''You don't need to ask every time, you know?'' she smiled, and turned onto her back, allowing John to lift her t-shirt and rest his hand on her belly.

''Oh!'' She jumped slightly at his touch.

''What?'' He pulled his hand away quickly, afraid he had done something wrong.

''And you say my feet are cold,'' she grinned. "Your hand is _freezing_!"

''Sorry!'' He laughed, relieved that she was OK. ''Here - let me warm them a little.'' He rubbed his hands together. ''Better?'' he asked, after carefully placing his hands back on her belly.

''Much better, thank you.'' She closed her eyes, enjoying his gentle touch on her skin. She had no idea why, but John absolutely loved caressing her belly. He said that was how dads should communicate with their babies, that and by talking to her bump at every opportunity. He did all the silliest things he could think of, but it only made Anna love him more. She had never had that kind of loving support when she had been pregnant with Gracie, and she had decided long ago that she would enjoy everything she could about this pregnancy.

''Anna?'' he called softly, when he sensed that she was starting to doze off.

''Mhm?'' she murmured, her eyes already closed.

''Can we talk?''

''About?''

''Well…I was thinking about…'' He paused and made himself comfortable next to her, after making sure that his leg was in the correct position for sleep.

''Yeah?'' She opened her eyes when she heard the seriousness in his voice.

''…about…''

''About what?''

''Can we talk about baby names now?'' he said, finally voicing what had been on his mind for the past few days.

''Baby names?'' Anna smiled at him. How could he get any more adorable than that?

''Yes, baby names,'' he repeated. ''You do know that we can't keep calling them Baby #1 and #2 forever?''

''Very funny,'' she said, when he started laughing. ''All right, what have you got in mind?''

''Well, if you're asking…'' He rolled onto his back and took his mobile from the bedside cabinet. ''…I've made a list.''

''A whole list?'' she giggled, when he cuddled back next to her.

''Of course I have,'' he said seriously. ''Look.'' He handed her his phone. ''What do you think?''

''These are all girls' names, John,'' Anna pointed out, after quickly skimming through the names he had written down.

''Yeah, I know. We can't name our girls George and Charlie.''

''But…'' Anna chuckled. ''…we can't pick only girls' names, John! What if…''

''They are girls.''

''But…''

''No buts, Anna. We've been over this already,'' he laughed. She had begged him to let Dr. Turner tell them the sex of their babies at their next check-up, but John would not give in. His mind had been made up and Anna didn't have the heart to go behind his back and ask Dr. Turner to tell her.

''All right. Let's see...'' She read through the list of names again. ''Oh…'' she gasped after a while.

''What? Which one? Which one is an 'oh'!?'' He propped himself up on his elbow and waited.

''Willow,'' Anna replied, and looked at him. ''Willow May Bates. I like it.''

''May?''

''Yeah.'' She nodded. ''It's a Smith family tradition for girls to be given the middle name May. It's been that way for centuries, and if you want to stay on my dad's good side, you'll have to accept that.'' They had never talked about this before, but she hoped that he would understand.

''Willow May Bates,'' John whispered under his breath. ''I like it, too!''

''Really?'' Anna smiled, pleased to see him so happy.

''Really. It's a good strong name, don't you think?''

''I do,'' she agreed, and before she knew what was happening, he kissed her. But for the second time that day, she ended the kiss as soon as it began. ''I like it,'' she added quickly, and turned her gaze back to the screen before John had a chance to say anything further.

''Well, let's see…if one is Willow, how about…Lily? Or maybe Rose? Poppy? Oh, do you like Poppy? What do you think?'' Anna started thinking out loud.

''No,'' John said, looking her directly in the eye.

''No?'' she frowned.

''No.'' He shook his head, and said simply, ''Meadow.''

''Willow and Meadow?''

''Yes,'' he grinned.

''But why Meadow?'' she asked. She had to admit that it was a strange name, but she thought she could get used to it.

John leaned closer and whispered softly into her ear, ''Why name a girl after just one flower when you can name her after an entire meadow?''

* * *

 **the BEST beta: annabates! :D thank you! :D** xoxox


	61. Tablete

**Chapter LXI**

''Where are you going?'' John mumbled, his eyes still closed, when he felt Anna shifting away from him.

''I need to pee,'' she fibbed, and gently moved his hand off of her hip.

''Again?''

''Again.'' Anna chuckled and stood up. If he only knew how many times a day she'd had to use the toilet over the last few weeks.

''Hurry back,'' he smiled, rolling onto his back. ''We still have some cuddling to do,'' he added, when he saw that it was just a few minutes past five in the morning.

''I'll be right back,'' Anna promised, and disappeared into the bathroom. It was nice to wake up with John by her side again. She had missed him - missed his warmth, his touch, his light snores, even though they sometimes annoyed her. But...those weren't the only things she had been missing.

The second trimester had done wonders for her. The sickness and fatigue were gone, and she had been feeling energetic and healthy…and, well, needy. She wanted him...badly, and sleeping so close to him once again, feeling his body weight against hers, his fingers on her skin...it was too much.

She knew that she should talk to him, but...how could she? He had been exhausted and in pain, and even though he had never complained about it, Anna could tell that his knee had been bothering him. She felt that she shouldn't be that selfish.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Even before she opened her eyes in the morning, sex was all she could think about. The dreams that she had been having the past few nights would make even shameless Ethel blush.

''Get yourself together, woman!'' Anna looked in the mirror and tried to cool her face with a splash of cold water. She had attempted to keep their kisses and touches in check over the last few weeks, not wanting to start something that she thought John wasn't ready for. But it was so damn hard. John had always been sexy, but her pregnancy hormones had managed to make him even more appealing to her, if that even was possible.

''Anna, are you all right in there?'' John called, after almost ten minutes had passed and she was still in the bathroom.

''Yes, just a minute,'' she replied quickly, but kept staring at herself in the mirror. _You can do this, Anna. Just go back in there and try not to jump the poor man._ She knew it was silly, but for some reason she could not force herself to tell him what was troubling her. They had always been on the same page when it came to their intimacy, but somehow this time was different.

''Everything all right?'' John asked again, frowning, when she finally returned to the bedroom.

''Mhm...'' she mumbled. He was lounging on the bed, his chest bare and his hair wild. He looked absolutely gorgeous. _For god's sake, Anna! Calm down!_ she thought, as she felt her body once again responding to his appearance.

''Anna? Are you OK? What's going on?'' he finally asked, worried.

''What do you mean? Nothing's going on. Everything's fine.'' She walked over to the bed and made herself comfortable next to him...but not _too_ comfortable.

''Are you sure?''

''Completely.'' She smiled again, but John sensed that something still wasn't right. She had been like this for days now, he recalled.

''But you _would_ tell me if something were bothering you, right?''

''I would,'' she said with a smile, hoping he would stop asking questions. She knew that she should tell him what was going on in her head. But the man had survived near-fatal injuries, and he had been rightly focusing all of his energy into getting better. Surely sex must be completely off his radar since the accident, especially when she was looking and feeling so unattractive.

''Anna…'' he began, having decided to get to the bottom of what was bothering her. But to his surprise, she leaned closer and placed slow, sensual kiss on his lips. He wanted to know what was wrong, but the way she was kissing him pushed all his worries to the back of his mind. She felt absolutely wonderful pressed against him, and he was just about to pull her even closer when a sharp pain in his knee made him flinch. He hoped she hadn't noticed.

''Are you all right?'' Anna pulled away. She saw the grimace on his face and frowned.

''Yes...no...I mean, I'm just a little sore from yesterday's workout. It'll pass. I'm fine.'' He tried to downplay the pain, not wanting her to worry, but Anna was no fool.

''Don't worry, my arse. Let me see.'' She sat up and before John could stop her, she pulled the covers away from him. ''John! You bloody idiot, why didn't you tell me you were in pain!'' she yelped, when she saw his red, swollen knee.

''Anna, it's nothing...'' he said soothingly, but Anna was already on her feet, walking toward the bathroom to get him some painkillers.

''Don't give me that!'' she barked from the bathroom.

''It's not nothing, John!'' she said, walking back into the room a few seconds later, his pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. ''You promised that you wouldn't keep things like this from me. And I know you think that by not telling me, you're protecting me or my feelings, but you're not!'' she said, on the verge of tears.

''Anna, please calm down.'' John said, seeing how angry she was. The last thing he wanted to do was to upset her.

''I will not calm down! Come on, take them!'' She stopped by his side of the bed and offered him the pills and water.

''Anna...'' He looked down at her open hand, then back up at her face. ''...I already took...''

''John, I know you're afraid that the pills are going to hook you like the alcohol did, if you take more that you have to. But I won't let that happen to you, not again.'' She had voiced what he was really worried about, tears running down her cheek. ''You have to take them, John. We've talked about this, all of this, already. You are strong enough to know when to take them and when not to. And when you're afraid, I'm here to help you! I don't want the father of my children to lose his leg because he's afraid to speak up and ask for what he needs. You want me to feel safe? Then take the damn pills when you need them, John! _Take them!_ ''

By this point John was afraid she would toss the pills and the water into his face if he didn't take them from her. He hated himself for upsetting her like this, especially after he had promised he wasn't going to push her away when it came to his injuries. But she was right - he _was_ afraid, afraid of abusing painkillers like he had done with drink.

''I'm sorry,'' he said softly, after swallowing the pills.

''John...'' Anna finally exhaled, having unconsciously held her breath from the moment she had realized he was in pain. ''Please don't this to me, to us.''

''I won't. And I swear this is the first time I didn't tell you I needed them.''

''But why didn't you?'' She sat down on the bed, finding his hand and squeezing it gently.

''I don't know. I just...'' he looked down at their tangled fingers, feeling ashamed. ''...it felt so good having you back in my arms all night...feeling your body next to mine, your hair all over my face...hearing your little snores against...''

''I do not snore,'' she chuckled softly.

''Of course not.'' He looked up and grinned at her. ''Look, the point is...I miss you sleeping by my side. And with us being here this weekend, sharing a bed again, I just couldn't ruin this for us. I couldn't make myself wake you in the middle of the night and ask you to move away because my knee was bothering me.''

''So you just lay next to me in pain for hours and hours?''

''But it was so worth it. I'd do it again if I had to.''

''But you won't, all right?'' she said firmly. ''John, I miss you the same way you miss me, but you can't do this again. If you're in pain, you need to tell me, no matter what. Because I want to help you.''

''I know.'' He nodded. ''I'm sorry.''

''I don't need you to be sorry, all I need is for you to promise me that you won't do it again.''

''I promise.''

''Just tell me - and if we can't make you feel better, we'll call your doctor and try to come up with a different solution, all right?''

''All right.'' He nodded.

''Good,'' she smiled, and ran her hand affectionately through his hair. ''So what can I get you?''

''Ummm...some ice would help,'' he said tentatively.

''What?'' he asked, when he saw her grinning at him.

She placed a soft kiss on his lips.

''You see? It isn't so hard to ask for what your body needs,'' she replied, but with the sudden bittersweet realisation that she was doing the same thing to him, by not saying anything about her own little "situation."

''Yes.'' He smiled and kissed her again. ''Thank you,'' he whispered and rested his forehead against hers.

''You're welcome,'' she replied, biting her tongue, then ordered a pack of ice to be delivered to their room.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta:** annambates **! :D thank you!**

 **:D let us know what you think! :D thanks! :D**


	62. J&R, S&A pogovor

**Chapter LXII**

''John?'' Robert called, poking his head into John and Anna's room. ''John?''

''Robert?''

''Where are you?'' he asked, glancing around the empty room.

''I'm over here!'' John's voice could be heard coming from the outside.

''Hey, what are you doing out here? I've been looking for you all over the place,'' Robert said, stepping out onto the balcony.

''Having a fag,'' John replied calmly, and nodded to the empty chair next to him.

''I thought you quit.'' Robert sat down, raising an eyebrow.

''I did, but they help me take my mind off of the pain, so... I know I shouldn't, but I think this is better than alcohol or pills, don't you think?'' John exhaled smoke through his nose.

''I guess,'' Robert replied. ''Where is Anna?''

''She and Gracie went to the village with Sybil and Mary. They should be back soon.''

''Does Anna know? About you smoking.''

''She does. I mean...I think she does. She hasn't mentioned it to me, but you and I both know she isn't stupid,'' John chuckled, and offered him a cigarette.

''No, thanks.'' Robert shook his head.

''Are you sure?''

''Positive. Cora isn't stupid either, you know. She'd kill me if she found out I'd been smoking.''

''Kill...yell...'' John smiled. ''Ohhh, do you remember that time she caught us smoking weed?''

''Don't remind me,'' Robert laughed. ''I thought she was going to kill us on the spot.''

''She just kept yelling and I still, to this day, have no idea what she was saying to us.''

''Me either. We just laughed at her like a couple of idiots,'' Robert said, remembering their good old days at uni.

''We didn't laugh the next morning though.'' John would never forget the awful headache they both had had when they had woken up the next day.

''Oh, god.'' Robert looked at his friend. ''We've had our share of fun, haven't we?''

''We certainly have.'' John nodded with a smile on his lips. ''Listen, Robert," he continued more seriously. "...I need to ask you something.'' He stubbed out his cigarette and dropped it into the bin next to the door.

''All right. Is something the matter?'' Robert asked, noting the change in John's expression.

''What? No, no, nothing is the matter,'' John reassured him quickly. ''You see, Anna and I still haven't found the right moment to talk about a wedding date, but…you're my best friend and I want you to be my best man.''

''Again? I don't think I brought you luck the first time around,'' Robert joked.

''This time you won't be standing by the altar with me waiting for _Vera_. And I definitely hope that you won't try to change my mind about the bride this time, either.''

''Oh, I'd forgotten about that,'' Robert chuckled, recalling how he'd asked John one last time, at the altar, if he really wanted to marry that witch.

''Is that a yes, then?'' John laughed.

''It is,'' Robert said, and offered him his hand, which John gladly took.

''Thank you.''

''My pleasure, my dear fellow. You know I'm always here for you if you need me, right? All you need to do is ask.''

''I do know. And I hope it goes without saying that the same applies for me.''

''Good god, this was strong talk for two Englishmen.''

''Then it's a good thing I'm half Irish,'' John chuckled, aware of Robert's discomfort with heart-to-heart talks.

''Yes, well...'' Robert nodded and stood up. ''Shall we go inside then? I still have some things to pick up before tonight's party and I'd hate to come back and find you'd frozen to death while I was out.''

''Are you going to Ripon?'' John asked, taking the crutches Robert handed him.

''Yeah, why? Would you like me to bring you something?'' Robert closed the balcony door behind them after they were both back inside.

''Actually...do you mind if I go with you? I need you to show me something.''

 **xXx**

''Anna, you have to talk to him!'' Sybil exclaimed, when Anna had finished explaining the little problem caused by her pregnancy hormones.

''Sybil, for god's sake, keep your voice down!'' Anna whispered and looked around them, hoping that no one had heard what they were talking about. After the painkillers had lulled John into a painless sleep the previous night, Anna - still wide awake - had come to the conclusion that she wasn't going to mention anything to him. He already had too much on his plate with his recovery, and it wasn't fair for her to worry him with something she thought she could control...for now, at any rate.

''Oh, don't worry, no one is listening,'' Sybil reassured her. After the girls had finished with their shopping, Gracie had insisted that they check the local bookshop. But neither Anna nor Sybil had been up to it, so Mary had selflessly volunteered to take her goddaughter exploring in the dusty old shop, while Anna and Sybil waited for them in a cosy teashop nearby.

''Just keep your voice down!'' Anna whispered once again, while nervously playing with the handle of her teacup.

''All right, all right, calm down,'' Sybil said and leaned closer, whispering, ''But...you really have to tell him, Anna. You might think that this is only a phase you're going through, but let me tell you - it's not. It will only get worse if you...you know...don't do something about it.''

''I've tried...'' Anna admitted shyly, but Sybil interrupted.

''Oh, no, my dear...this is a _two_ -person job. The only way you can stop all of this is by telling John you need him...now more than ever,'' Sybil grinned at her friend.

''Oh, stop smiling like that. Do you think this is easy for me?'' Anna raised her voice very slightly in frustration. She had decided that she couldn't talk to John about the situation, but when Sybil had started asking about her and John, Anna had simply given in and opened up. ''All I want is to have sex with him, Sybil! I think about it all the time! Everywhere I go, anything I do...I've tried to bury myself in work, but nothing I do helps.''

''Been there, done that,'' Sybil said softly and took Anna's hand. ''Listen, I know what you are going through. It was the same for me when I was pregnant with Sybbie.''

''Really?'' Anna asked, tears in her eyes. She hadn't felt like this when she was pregnant with Gracie, and knowing she could not bring herself to tell John what had been on her mind put her on edge. ''What did you do?''

''Jumped Tom the moment he walked into the flat. We were like a couple of rabbits for most of my pregnancy,'' Sybil chuckled.

''Sybil!'' Anna gasped, and once again looked around self-consciously, even though they were sitting at the back of the room, with all the tables around them empty.

''What?'' Sybil laughed, and took a sip of her tea. ''And let me tell you...the best sex I have ever had was while I was pregnant. Everything, and I mean absolutely everything, felt so much better.''

''Everything?'' Anna raised an eyebrow at her friend.

''Everything.'' Sybil winked. ''So why don't you stop being silly and just talk to him?''

''But his leg...''

''Oh, Anna - enough with his leg!'' Sybil sighed. ''I understand that there are certain things you two won't be able to do because of his injury, but that doesn't mean there aren't other things you can try.''

''I don't know...'' Anna replied, uncertain.

''I do.'' Sybil said firmly. ''Talk to him. Talk to him...or I will.''

''What? No, Sybil, you can't!'' Anna looked at her desperately. ''Promise me that you will _not_ say a thing about this to _anyone_ , especially to John!''

''Well...'' Sybil began, as Mary and Gracie walked into the teashop.

''Mum!'' Gracie called, and ran to them. ''Look what Auntie Mary bought me!''

''Oh, Mary, you shouldn't have,'' Anna said, when she saw three new books in the bag.

''It was my pleasure, truly,'' Mary replied. ''Ready to go?''

''Certainly.'' Sybil stood up quickly. ''Coming, Anna?'' She turned to her and smiled.

''Yes.'' Anna pulled her coat on.

Walking out of the shop, she turned to Sybil and mouthed, ''Promise!'' But the only thing Sybil mouthed back before getting into the car was ''Talk to him!''

* * *

 **annambates THANK YOU!** xoxox


	63. Nesporazum

**Chapter LXIII**

''Are you having fun?'' Sybil asked, as she sat down next to John. The party was in full swing. Guests were eating, drinking, and doing something John was at the moment unable to - dancing.

''I'm just _fine_ ,'' John said, with the slightest hint of sarcasm. Then he smiled at his goddaughter kindly and took a sip of his drink.

''Oh, don't say that. It makes me feel guilty.''

''I was just kidding, Sybil.'' His lips quirked into a half-smile. ''I mean, I hate being stuck at the table, but… _look_ at her.'' He nodded toward the dance floor where Anna was dancing with Thomas, having the time of her life. ''I love seeing her like this - happy and carefree, surrounded by people who love both her and Gracie.''

''We do love them,'' Sybil agreed. ''The same way we love _you_ , Uncle John.'' She rested her hand on his good knee. ''Don't ever forget that.''

''I won't. Thank you.'' John leaned over and kissed her cheek.

''Good.'' Sybil smiled and stood up. ''And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find my husband before he gets too drunk to cut the cake with me.'' She chuckled and was moving to walk away when John tugged her hand.

''Sybil?''

''Yes?''

''When you were in the village earlier, did Anna mention anything to you about something bothering her?''

''What do you mean?'' she asked innocently. She had teased Anna about telling John about her problem, but in reality she would never say anything to him. She knew the whole thing was between Anna and John, and that she had no right meddling.

John paused, trying to find the right words. ''I don't know. She's…she's acting…odd.''

''Odd in what way?'' Sybil sat down again, knowing that she needed to hear him out so he wouldn't suspect that she had more information than she was letting on.

''I don't know exactly… She…well...she…'' he stuttered, not sure how to explain what was bothering him.

''What?'' Sybil giggled at his obvious discomfort.

''I feel rather nervous talking to you about it,'' John admitted. He knew he could talk to Robert, but Robert wasn't as close to Anna as Sybil was.

''Oh, just tell, Uncle John!''

''First, you have to stop calling me 'Uncle.' I already feel I shouldn't be telling you this.''

''All right, what's going on?''

He looked around quickly to make sure nobody else was in the vicinity, then leaned closer.

''I have no idea why, but every time I try to kiss or touch her, she pulls away from me. She hasn't said anything, but I can see that something isn't right. So I was just wondering, has she mentioned anything to you? Anything at all?''

''Unc-…''

'' _Sybil_ ,'' he interrupted, frowning.

''I mean _John_ …'' Sybil chuckled, feeling rather sorry for him. He obviously had no idea what the problem was, and she was dying to put his mind at ease, though she knew she couldn't. ''No, she hasn't said anything to me.''

''Nothing at all? Because…''

''I'm sure,'' she said as soothingly as possible, but she could see that he wasn't convinced. ''Maybe she just feels...unappealing...at the moment. Her body is changing drastically, and she might not feel…''

''Unappealing? Are you kidding? She's never looked more beautiful to me!''

''Maybe, but you have to understand that all she probably sees when she looks in the mirror is that huge belly of hers…'''

''But…''

''Believe me - I've been there, and I think I can guess what's going on in her head.'' Sybil smiled gently. ''I think what you need to do is to tell her how you see her, over and over again, until she starts believing it herself.''

''Really?''

''Really.'' She hoped that she had said just enough so that John would start talking to Anna and press her to finally tell him what was really bothering her. ''And don't forget…it's not her fault she feels that way - it all comes down to her pregnancy hormones.''

'' _You told him!?_ ''

''Anna…?'' Sybil jumped to her feet when she saw Anna standing behind them. They had been so absorbed in their conversation that neither she nor John had noticed that the band had stopped playing and that Anna had walked up to them from behind.

''I can't believe you, Sybil! You told him when I specifically asked you not to!'' Anna glared directly into her friend's eyes, too ashamed to look at John.

''Anna, you don't understand…'' Sybil began, but Anna was too upset to listen.

She had thought Sybil was teasing when she threatened to tell John about their conversation. But when she had approached the table and heard her talking about hormones being the reason for her situation, she realized that her friend must have revealed her secret.

''Just _don't!_ '' she hissed, before storming out of the ballroom.

''Anna!'' John stood up and called after her, but she didn't hear him. ''What was she talking about?!'' He turned to Sybil, who already had his crutches in her hands.

''Go, John! Go after her!'' She handed him the crutches.

''But Grac-…''

''I'll take care of her, don't worry. Just talk to Anna,'' she urged, smiling weakly.

Sybil's demeanour frightened him. _What the hell was happening?_ John asked himself before hurrying out of the room after Anna.

* * *

 **my wonderful beta:** annambates **! :D thank you!**


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